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File: 1530595048930.gif (517.94 KB, 498x498, 1530384478628.gif)

No. 87009

Last one got locked, tell us where it hurts.

No. 87025

posting this here since the last thread is close to being locked, already posted it there but yknow

sunday im seeing an "old friend" again for the first time in probably three years? long story short in high school we were extremely toxic for each other towards the end, but were best friends and sorry for tmi but had a friends with benefits thing. honestly i loved her but in an unhealthy way. anyway, recently I've been really regretting how i left things with her (had a huge fight over my boyfriend at the time breaking up with me and dating her) and blocked her. she was really kind and agreed to get coffee, but now i feel like it's not worth it. I know things will never be the same, and we are probably both so different now. am i hung up on the past for wanting to make amends? I used to have an ED when we were friends so I've gained weight since she last saw me, and I'm afraid of her laughing at me and feeling like I let myself go or something. I'm not fat, just not skelly like I was. I just don't know. this post is so long sorry, I'm just rambling and don't have anyone really to vent to.

No. 87049

Someone posted about dealing with girls who try to outdo you in the last thread and I want similar help.

I'm going through an incredibly similar situation with a bitchy girl in our circle who not only constantly tries to outdo me but gets really catty when two or three particular friends we share show any interest in me at all. She also feels the need to upstage me whenever I achieve anything or am doing well, she's just an all round salty person who seems to enjoy trying to be a better version of me and failing. I can't even say or do a single thing without this girl rushing desperately to do the same thing or say the same thing but for attention.

What are some other ways to upstage a girl back and put her in her place? I'm not about to reveal to our friends that she is two faced to them and bitchy to me because she probably wants to bait me into creating a conflict and making myself look like the bitchy one but I would love to wipe that smug grin off her face and show her how it's done.

Some things she will try to upstage or copy me with include how I dress and do my make up, what I will buy, how I talk, the things I say and do and post, carbon copies of selfies if mine happen to get more attention than hers and whoever I am close friends with, she will suddenly try and be close to them too. I want to show this girl that no matter what she does, she can't outdo me at being me.

I know in time that the things she does that are two faced will be exposed because people can't lie forever but for now I want to at least assert my dominance. I can't feel sorry for her because she's too bitchy and she's very two faced with everyone it makes me a little sick.

No. 87064

>>87049
I had a best friend who was very similar (although I did feel bad for her since she was a somewhat sympathetic person).
It seems you already outdo her/beat her to the punch when doing things. I'm sure your mutual friends notice and cringe a bit, but keep her around for whatever reason.
Is there a specific skill you possess which you know for a fact she does not? If so, show it off and if she tries to copy it will be painfully obvious that she's failed.
Does she have a hobby/skill unique to her that you've notice? Maybe this seems as two-faced as she is, but try praising her for it. That ego-boost may outdo any she gets from copying you, so she'll move on to show that off instead.

No. 87086

>>87049
I'm the anon that gave the advice about outdoing the copycat in the last thread, and honestly the ssme advice should work for you. Put more effort into being yourself than she does into copying you, be nice to her and be nice to the mutuals. It's not hard to do, it just takes patience.

No. 87121

>>87025
>am i hung up on the past for wanting to make amends?
Yes. Amends isn't necessary, learn when it's good for you to let the past die. And if she laughs at you for not being an anachan, she's the one with the problem tbh.

No. 87199

>>87064

We're both artists with active deviantart followings and another thing I notice she does when we are in our group is she'll delibrately put down her art or her appearance to try and get asspats from friends, like she feels the need to feel better at these things than me because if anyone praises my work or looks she coincidentally gets salty or cold about something and does things like storm off for attention.

No. 87235

File: 1530762618698.gif (1.99 MB, 500x350, U7WAJir.gif)

>>87199
Get someone to compliment her on something you did, as if they think she is the artist who did it.

No. 87237

My ex-boyfriend left me for another girl and it is absolutely consuming me. I can't stop thinking about how he's with her, how he's suddenly so happy, how he left all of our plans in the dust. She's pretty bleh looking too which is even more insulting. Relationships are my biggest anxiety trigger and whenever I get dumped I tend to spiral. How do I allow myself to move on? How can I manage this anxiety? I'm already on the edge of becoming a crazy ex-girlfriend and I can't do that to myself again.

No. 87250

>>87235

I like your thinking

No. 87258

>>87237
Delete social media, and take a break from mutual friends for a while.

No. 87264

How do you stop missing a person, when you guys don’t talk anymore?

I constantly think about this person a lot as we used to be very close although we stopped talking because I felt like our lives were different but now I constantly hit my lowest feeling regret that i was being selfish of my reason and now all I do is just constantly thinking about them and missing them a lot in a unhealthy obsessive manner, I wish I could talk to them again but they don’t want to talk to me which causes me to develop anxiety

(Sorry English isn’t my first language)

No. 87270

I'm not sure what's going on with my friend. We were really close and lived together for a year at uni. We both graduated and have kept in contact despite not living in the same place. However recently I have heard nothing from her. The last message I received from her was "I really miss you." I responded saying I missed her too and then asked her a question about something we were both watching, to get a conversation going and she never responded.
I invited her to my birthday celebration (which she could easily get to) and not even a minute after I invited her she put herself down as not going. No message or anything as to why. She also didn't wish me a happy birthday. Am I overreacting or is this just her way of telling me to leave her alone?

No. 87272

>>87264
Keep yourself busy. If it's a friend you're talking about, try to make more friends. Go out, hang out, have fun. You'll see their presence fading. Also try to reason with yourself, analyze your feelings and try to shake off the regrets. You can't go back in time, try to be a better person from now on, but try to explain to yourself there's nothing you can do, you gotta move on.

>>87270
Of course I'm guessing, but it sounds like she wants attention/help but she won't ask for it directly. Maybe something has happened. Or maybe there's some misunderstanding. Saying "I miss you" and then going MIA is pretty attention-whorey, with all respect. I advise to just be straight-forward about it and ask.

No. 87479

I missed a huge chunk of my teenage years because I spent my years locked up in my room. Recently I've been going outside more because of my bf and feel like i'm not taken serious enough. I thought it's because I give off a childlike vibe because of my child-like look, being babyfaced, small, pretty shy, while also having a high voice. It makes me so angry because my parents have been sheltering me for years and now that I get outside I'm still treated like a little kid. Any advice?

I thought about starting to wear make-up to at least look a bit more "age appropriate", but I don't know where to start. Youtube videos confuse me and I have no female friends that use make up. I spent a lot of money on make up and end up not using it.
I tried wearing more "grown up" clothes, meaning no prints etc. but I just feel a little uncomfortable and in the end it's not worth it I think.

No. 87488

>>87479
What sort of style are you in to?

I can’t help much with makeup but I know clothes.

Prints aren’t always bad, it’s the type of print and how you combine them.

I wear a lot of plaids, and stripes, and a lot of women I know wear floral prints regularly. It’s definitely easier to skip them for colour blocking if you struggle with them though.

What colours do you like and what suits you? What colours do you combine, and what style of garment, like what cut of pants, shirt style.

The fit and the fabrics matter a lot. If your clothes are too big or small you tend not to look as adult, especially if you’re small.

If you’re going for a corporate sort of look, good cotton blouses (always ironed and crisp) with well fitted wool or linen trousers or a longer pencil skirt are classic staples.

Properly fitted jeans make a difference for casual wear. Any style can work as long as they fit.

If you choose plainer accessories like a good black or brown leather bag, and shoes other than trainers.

This is all super general rambling. Are there any particular items or combinations you’re struggling with anon?

No. 87521

>>87488

I don't have a particular style. I think. I have all sorts of clothes.

Some days I'll be feeling flannel with plaids or a floral blouse, and other days I wear clothes considered more "thotty" I guess, like a tight shirt with an attached choker.
I generally tend to wear more darker, warmer, earthy colors but I also have some pastell pieces.
When I'm lazy, which is 75% of the time I'll just wear high waist skinny jeans and a T-Shirt with some band logo on it. Mostly Shirts for men because I tend to find them more comfortable.
What I absolutely hate are skirts. For the love of everything that exists, I hate skirts. I sometimes wear dresses, but that's rare and only when it's really hot.

Also I'm kind of chubby and small which makes finding fitting clothes extremely hard.

I have some "adult" clothes for job interviews etc, but they don't really fit and I look like a kid that plays dress up most of the time.

I don't like accessories, maybe a choker sometimes when I go to a bigger event, but usually nothing. I tend to carry around a black backpack with floral print because I need pockets, that's usually the only thing I always have with me.

Sorry if I didn't answer all your questions but stuff like combining, I really thinking about that kinda stuff - I don't do that often. I just choose some clothes that are in the same color scheme and throw 'em together.

No. 87524

>>87521
You didn’t have to answer my weird sperging at all.

If you hate skirts, fuck em off.
To look more adult at interviews, get shit that fits. It’s probably easier to teach yourself to sew a ladder stitch with YouTube tutorials than find a shirt that suits your shape amongst the hellscape that is standardised clothing sizes. YouTube tutorials are perfect for this and you don’t need a machine. A couple of tiny darts at the waist or back make a lot of difference.

Unironed buttonup shirts look like shit unless it’s a casual flanelette.

People are picky and weird and looking a little more polished makes people see you in a better light in the workplace.

I’m iffy about chokers but that’s probably more because I’m a jewelry snob so im stupidly bias. There’s no need to start wearing it if you don’t like it.

Little things like loose threads or pulled fabric can make the difference between professional and hella sloppy even though it’s a tiny thing. Same goes with fabrics. You don’t seem like the type to wear cheap chiffon or bad silk.

It’s hard to fuck up neutrals. Good colour choices by the sounds of it. Best thing is to avoid trendy shit (eg the shirts with shoulder-holes, or those godawful khaki jumpsuits every girl on Instagram wore that one month come to mind)

No. 87568

>>87521
Can you post a pic of the backpack? It could either be adult or childish, depending on the style. That might be one of the easiest switches.

No. 87575

File: 1530903830963.jpeg (121.38 KB, 800x800, 3333D958-1218-477F-8728-B1023C…)

>>87568
Not that anon but just chiming in to say I love leather backpacks for adults.

No. 87576

File: 1530903861794.jpeg (360.41 KB, 1500x1176, 268679CF-58E7-4B9D-B7F9-B97C88…)

>>87575
Some are even convertible. I don’t like this style personally because I like more structured and formal lines, but it’s pretty dope

No. 87577

File: 1530904012369.jpeg (395.99 KB, 1464x2124, 25DF5ABB-2E05-432B-A1C1-AFDD40…)

>>87576
I own something similar to this and just adore it.

No. 87594

>>87576
Different anon but thanks, now I've got the idea in my head to get a convertible backpack for my next trip overseas. They look so convenient for travel.

No. 87604

>>87577
>just adore it
you sound like the type of person who would own a bag like that

No. 87618

>>87594
they seriously are so god damn convenient and surprisingly comfortable.
>>87604
weakest insult I've seen on this site by far

No. 87659

>>87618
I seriously went to the shops looking for one today but sadly only found one, which was the wrong colour.

If anyone knows where I can get a brown convertible backpack/handbag online (that ships to Aus) pls advise.

No. 87682

>>87604
Well, yeah, she just said she owns one and likes it.

No. 87762

File: 1530957995040.jpg (311.23 KB, 1600x900, DSC_0125.JPG)

>>87568
It's this one. Just more worn.I didn't even think that it looks childish, white girl style maybe, but childish?

>>87524
thanks for your help btw, I wanted to get into sewing anyways, so i'll keep your advice in mind.

No. 87763

>>87762
Not necessarily childish but it’s certainly not adult. I could see this in a 12-17 year olds wardrobe and fitting perfectly.

Better off with out the flowers, and better still leather. Tbh a normal handbag would mature your look a lot compared to the bag pictured.

No. 87821

there is a heatwave in the uk currently and I am a sticky and heat rashed mess. My pale skin cannot take this. How can I help it go quickly? first it was my arms, neck and back, now my thighs want to join the brawl and I'm in agony.

No. 87823

File: 1531005531786.jpg (41.38 KB, 580x580, m_56f4b8e66d64bc908c02eefb.jpg)

>>87762

I'm really clumsy with handbags so I understand the backpack thing. I agree with >>87763, though. The floral schoolbag style wouldn't really work on an adult. Something structured and made of leather or PU would be a good compromise.

No. 87824

>>87821
Savlon or similar creams might help the rash. Apart from that try to lessen your sun exposure as much as possible and drink lots of water etc.

No. 87838

>>87823
NTA but I love this bag! Source?

No. 87839

how do you start making friends your own age, anons?

the only friends i have who are actually peers are people i've known for years, i don't go to college and i work from home so it's not easy to meet people or relate at all to anyone in my age group (i'm 19). i'm isolated and just want a few young adult friends but i don't know how to go about finding and getting along with them, i never learned how to interact with peers since my parents never let me go to school or make friends. the only way i could at the time was through the internet or by sneaking out. they meant well by what they did but now i have no idea how to socialize with anyone who isn't younger than me since it's less intimidating, and i hate it.

No. 87841

I just ended my first relationship, that was long distance too. It was getting extremely toxic, since I couldn't trust him fully and asked to know if he's going out with friends etc. Even when going out with friends i wanted him to text me that he got safely back home. He kept telling lies about me(for all I know they were harmless most parts, just lying about which country I'm from , what I study). And just stopped telling me when he went out during the day or night, and then I later found out through FB after waiting for his call for hours to no end. I skipped a lot of things just to be able to talk to him on phone or at least try to when he ditched me. It really affected my anxiety and panic disorder to worsen in the past year.
Break up was okay since we both did agree in the end that this can't go on and for now we don't know how to fix this anymore. B U T i just wanna scream at him, asking him to be honest with me even once, it bothers me that he said "sorry about all the lies I spread about you" which makes me think maybe he told some bad ones? I want to ask so bad, but then again it's probably better to not contact him.
I don't want to see him with anyone else, I would kill for him
I dont know what to do, do I delete him and his friend(who is also my friend, I met them at the same time and became friends with them first before dating) from FB?
i'm just so at loss, I realized while dating him how truly alone I am. I don't have that many close friends to talk to, I barely see them since none live in the same city and I'm usually too broke to travel. I do have hobbies like gaming and cosplay but I just can't focus on them so much to forget about all this, I don't understand how to do it.
I'm starting at university this fall, so I'll try really hard to make new friends but I'm afraid I'm really awkward. I have heard that people mistake me for someone scary or stuck up when in reality I'm just awkward and don't know what to do.
He's the only person so far to know that I tried to kill myself when I was 15, and now I've started to think that maybe I was supposed to die back then but because I didn't, I took someone else's place. Like the place to university wasn't meant for me, I'm supposed to be dead, so someone else didn't get to university because of me.
I'm just a mess and don't know what to do, I truly wanted to make it work and stay with him until I die, do all kinds of things with him.

No. 87848

>>87838
Seconding! w2c please

No. 87849

>>87841
You didn't take someone's place. Everything you have achieved you earned. It sounds like he was very manipulative and abusive psychologically. Spreading lies about you and telling you he has? That's abusive and intended to degrade you.
He made you feel bad so he could keep you on a lead. Go out and shine, make new friends and new boyfriends. One abusive man is no representation of you. And you probably will disagree he was abusive, but from an outsider perspective he was.

No. 87858

File: 1531060801646.jpeg (20.3 KB, 385x382, 781C8BE4-5C97-4DBC-81BA-35CBFD…)

Im around 18 and my bf is like 6-8 yrs older than me, anyone else been in this type of age gap relationship and feel this way? Sometimes i wish i could fuck 16 yr olds. Something seems so refreshing to me about them, like a cold glass of lemonade om a hot day. With an older guy its like he had already experienced sex and proper relationships and i feel like im held up to that standard by him. What do I do anons? I love my boyfriend so much but sometimes i feel like we are just have very different levels of maturity.

No. 87859

>>87858
>Im around 18 and my bf is like 6-8 yrs older than me
Your bf is probably just a creep using a naive young girl for sex.

No. 87860

>>87859
well yeah he kinda doesnt want me around unless we are having sex, i just thought thats what older guys acted like.

No. 87864

>>87858
seems a bit weird that you don't know the exact age of your own boyfriend

>>87860
this is an obvious red flag

No. 87865

>>87860
I hope you're trolling, nobody can be this stupid.

No. 87868

File: 1531067544957.jpg (29.56 KB, 500x515, 1522568710804.jpg)

I broke up with my longtime bf a month ago (was mutual) and we are doing OK so far. Still in contact and working on our friendship, but I'm going to be out of work for the next month and I'm a bit panicking. Usually on my free days we spend all our time together but now I have so much free time and no one to spend it with (not exactly many friends). Pretty scared of the time alone. Has anyone an advice on this situation?

No. 87878

>>87865
No im srs because he works alot, we only can really spend 2 days a week together. >>87864
Well im not exactly sure i think he is 24 or 25 he is very secretive.

No. 87907

File: 1531089586076.png (170.49 KB, 500x375, 8828682F-121B-4A86-942D-CB5F1F…)

>>87858
Ew you want to fuck a 16 year old?
This had better be bait

No. 87910

>>87878
Do you know his first and last name? Google him.

No. 87911

>>87838
>>87848
It's been sold on this link, but it's from Zara. https://poshmark.com/listing/Zara-Faux-Leather-Backpack-56f4b8e66d64bc908c02eefa
There is a similar backpack called the "Everyday Backpack" which is currently only available in yellow.
https://www.zara.com/us/en/everyday-backpack-p12082304.html?v1=6615503&v2=1074527

No. 87913

>>87878
Holy hell you're a mess. Distance yourself, break up, get some therapy. Even if it's difficult.

No. 87919

>>87907
Well its only a year gap, better than 8 yrs right?
>>87910
He doesn't have his age on his facebook, is this super sketchy? I honestly never asked and he just didnt ever tell me straight out.
>>87913
I think I'm going to break up with him, i was playing league with his roommate and he told me my bf invited this asian girl over to help her build a pc
I dont know if his friend is lying or my bfs cheating but he told me he was sleeping all day due to working night shift sooo.
And btw he has never let me talk to this asian girl, everytime they play league together he never lets me join and ignores me. I've also seen her comment cute bear stickers on his facebook but I thought I was just being a jealous girlfriend thinking there was a problem with that.

No. 87920

>>87878
>doesn't know the age of her own bf
It's funny how low some people here can go.

No. 87926

My ex and I broke up a month ago and he's already seeing a new girl, two weeks in he was about to go into a relationship with her. A week before we broke up he was telling me that he missed me and loved me, and we even had facetime sex. A week ago I found out and lost my shit. I sent him multiple texts and calls, saying that I didn't love him anymore, didn't want him in my life, didn't want another chance etc. All that I wanted was for him to tell me the truth about what happened and if he left me specifically for her.

He just left me on read. No texts, no calls, nothing. Not even a text of protest. Is he ashamed? Does he just want to move on with this new girl? Does he not want me to know about her?

No. 87929

>>87919
No it’s never okay to want to fuck children when you are an adult. If youre 18 or older it’s gross to have sex with a 16 year old.

Also how have you not realised that you are at best a side piece for this guy who’s age you don’t know and who doesn’t want you around except for sex. He isn’t your boyfriend anon..boyfriend implies some sort of relationship other than ‘get on my dick and go away’
If it was an actual relationship you’d know more about him than a general age group lel.

No. 87930

>>87929
She is 17 anon, she said she was around 18 and then said 16 is only a year gap.

No. 87932

>>87930
Provides she’s still legally a child, fine. Still can’t see the appeal of a teenager awkwardly fumbling at you and talking about fortnite but hey. Kids are kids and do stupid shit.

No. 87933

>>87919
>I've also seen her comment cute bear stickers on his facebook but I thought I was just being a jealous girlfriend thinking there was a problem with that.
Tbh, the jealous girlfriend meme got me for the longest time. I didn't want to be that crazy jealous girl, but he was cheating. You can do better, I promise.

No. 87935

>>87932
>Still can’t see the appeal of a teenager awkwardly fumbling at you and talking about fortnite but hey. Kids are kids and do stupid shit.
Just because you already had a "daddy" at 17 it doesn't mean other girls are lame for wanting to date a guy their age.

No. 87938

>>87935
Lmao what?
I’m just too old to think teenage boys are cute. I’m normal and dated within my age group. Cute projecting tho.

No. 87939

>>87938
So what should she do? Stop giving her shit for wanting to date a guy her age.

Dating an adult man when you're a teenager doesn't make you cooler than those "lame teen boys".

No. 87944

>>87939
I assumed she was out of highschool and simply didn’t think anon would have much in common with a boy who was.

I don’t think she should be dating someone so much older and never said so.

No. 87945

>>87939
Kids under 18 shouldn’t be on here anyway tbh. I don’t blame other anon for assuming OP was 18.

No. 87947

>>87858

just by the way this is worded, you're not even remotely mature enough to be dating anyone more than a couple of years older than you. dump him, stay off lolcow, and stop letting grown men take advantage of you

No. 87948

>>87947
Not remotely mature enough to be in a relationship, at all.

Which is fine, they should just date some sweet boy from their English class and get advice from somewhere they are supposed to be.

No. 87959

>>87929
I mean if she lives in England the age of consent is 16. It depends where op is from.

No. 87960

>>87959
That doesn’t make it not gross imo.

An 18 year old has presumably left high school and is living a very different lifestyle.

Sure if the 18 year old is immature or whatever but ime, most people have changed significantly between 16 and 18 and have totally different lifestyles.

Poms let kids of 16 drink at the pub though don’t they? Maybe it’s really different with your kids.

No. 87964

>>87926
I can tell that your reaction and questions stem from a bruised ego, not from a broken heart.

No. 87968

>>87960
Yeah but she is not 18, she is 17. Dating a 16 year old at 17 is not gross. Dating a predator who might be 8 years older than you, but you don't know because he hides his age, that is gross.

No. 87970

>>87968
I never said it wasn’t gross to be used by an old man as well?
That should just go without saying anon.

No. 87988

>>87960

it may have been like that at one point but the generation we're living in is full of manchildren, people don't start showing any signs of actual maturity until they're in their mid 20's, if ever. 18 year olds shouldn't date 16 year olds because they could get into legal trouble, but otherwise they're on a similar wavelength mentally. it's iffy, but the 18 year old wouldn't be a pedo for it

No. 87992

File: 1531165388947.jpeg (21.89 KB, 260x194, 4FA6CC7F-9A98-4141-BAA9-A80E60…)

Am I an asshole if I buy my aunt a birthday gift but not her daughter (my cousin) ?

A little backstory:
Cousin is turning 20 this month. I’m 22.
We used to be very close growing up. Idk what happened but she stopped making effort to talk to me and keep in touch. I tried to politely bring it up several times over the years but she always gave me excuses and the cycle continued.

Am I an asshole if I don’t send a card or birthday gift? I was thinking of just sending a text and that’s it. (Like she does to me). I’m only asking because my aunt sends me gifts during my birthday. But I know the gifts are not from the both of them. It’s always signed by only my aunt and not my cousin. My cousin never asks what kind of gift I would like or if I received anything in the mail. We both work jobs and make our own money so I don’t think it’s fair if she tries to argue that the gift was from her as well considering she put no sentimental effort into it or spent any money.

And it’s not really about the money, it’s the thought. But I do live on my own with my bf and she gets a very comfy lifestyle making more money than I do, rent free with financial support from her parents. She claims she’s busy a lot because of work but she can’t be bothered to send me a card or little gift. I feel like I’m spending for both my aunt and cousin when we’re not that well off, where as my cousin can’t be bothered to think of me time to time at the very least with her better financial upbringing.

Idk. Advice?

No. 87994

>>87992
Maybe not a gift, but a card is really low effort and at least then she can't turn around and claim you haven't thought about her.

No. 87997

>>87988
Nobody called them a pedo, and I guess the culture matters a lot. Where I’m from they are two entirely different groups. Our 18 year olds are living independently, working, going to university, and legal to enter pubs/clubs.

16 year olds here are still in grade 10, live with mum and dad, and lack the sort of independence older kids have. They can’t drive, can’t go to a pub/club/concert without a parent. They might sneak off to a party and get drunk but they are effectively still children in every way. The social norm here is disgust at the idea of dating a teenager because the social norms and expectations are closer to what Americans expect from their 21 year olds and over.

Either way, imo it’s nasty, but the anon wasn’t even 18 they are underage and immature enough that it’s probably fine for them.

No. 87999

>>87994
Agree. Send a card.

No. 88012

K so it's a long story but my boyfriends sister is extremely mentally Ill and I have no idea what to do

Backstory to her:
>Grew up in America with her narcissistic mother
>both her and my bf were heavily abused by her
>Forced to move to Nova Scotia, mother refused to get both her and my bf a Canadian citizenship
>moved to Toronto
>Mother met equally as demonic step dad
>Bullied in primary school
>dated a boy who ended up raping her
>Had to deal with abusive parents throughout middle school

She went to a pretty big high school here in Toronto. She was in the art program. Literally two months into high school, she changed her name, started using they/them pronouns, identified as nonbinary and started dressing like a hot topic worker. She was fucking a bunch of 20 year olds when she was 14. She started doing hard ass drugs like acid. Got a bunch of stick and poke tattoos and generally started rebelling.

She attempted suicide in 2017, due to a guy rejecting her. She was in the hospital for a few weeks. It was generally the first time I've seen her parents even give a fuck about her. As soon as she was out though, they started ragging on her because they had to pay the hospital bill even though they refuse to get her a Canadian citizenship.

Early this year she moved in with her ex boyfriend and his dad. They dated for a month and his dad forced him to dump her so he can live with her alone. He kicked his son out and kept her with him. Im pretty sure they fucked. Her parents got the police involved and they said "it looks suspicious but they can't do anything because she's legal" she recently moved back in with her parents

She's also a pretty big Facebook person and has a ton of friends who constantly talk about wanting to fuck her. She's been sent so many dick picks and has hooked up with guys on there. Now she's planning to go into sex work in August since she's legal. She already has a bunch of dudes celebrating it and a troon saying he's gonna promote her on his porn Instagram page.

I honestly have no idea what to do. She refuses help both professionally and non professionally. She's been diagnosed with a few mental disorders and refuses to take pills, get therapy, etc.
I know for a fact her best friend is egging her on and telling her thag all her desicions are good. I know that her best friend has basically convinced her that therapy is bad and that sex work isn't dangerous. I'm fucking terrified.

She's always seen me as a big sister but I just don't know how to help her. I don't know what to say to her and I'm terrified of losing her. Any advice?

No. 88013

>>88012
It sucks but if she’s an adult, and not an immediate threat to herself or others, nobody can force her into treatment.

The most you can do is encourage her to seek help, encourage her to cease
contact with her bullshit parents, call an ambulance if she is dangerous, and protect yourself from taking on her trauma.

If you ever bring her into your home, set boundaries even as you offer comfort and love. It sounds awful but she could have a personality disorder and it’s unwise not to put in place strict boundaries.
It’s so fucking hard to watch anon, I’m sorry you’re living with this.

No. 88017

>>88012
I think the situation is a bit over your head, even though you mean well.

This is a girl suffering because she never truly had caring parents and went through abuses by people she chose to trust. She's lost. What's worse is that she's made company with people who tell her that sex work decisions are perfectly fine, and she doesn't have a guiding figure whom she respects enough to handle the criticism about that. She has no one to help her voluntarily, in a loving tone.

You can't be the mother and father she never had anon.
The most you can do is have an open door policy to talk to her, and be honest with her. If she chooses to put herself in danger and not seek professional help, then there isn't much you can do.

No. 88029

>>88012
…children can't go to school in Canada if they don't have citizenship. Someone is lying, sorry.

No. 88030

>>88029
Her mother is a Canadian citizen which allowed her to go to school.
>>88013
She was actually diagnosed with BPD last year. Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna try to talk to her next time I see her.

No. 88032

>>88030
Still wrong. If the mother was a Canadian citizen when she had her children they automatically get citizenship by law, without the need of a passport. Your story has holes in it, not on your end, just saying I think someone on their end is totally bullshitting (probably the sister)

No. 88036

>>88032
That's strange. I just don't understand why anyone would lie about that. Part of me feels like their mom lied about it so they could not have the benefits of being a citizen.

No. 88040

My period is 4 days late. Over the past few months, it's come a week earlier than it's supposed to (was pregnant, had a miscarriage, figured it was just resetting the cycle) but now I'm wondering if I'm pregnant again. Should I worry or should I wait another week before getting concerned?

No. 88058

>>88040
I would just get a pregnancy test or two to settle the question for good. Take one now, and if it's negative, take the second in another few days to be sure. Stressing and waiting are never good options if you have reason for concern.

No. 88059

>>88058
No reason for concern, I'd actually be pretty happy if it were positive. I think I'm more afraid of the possibility of it being negative…

No. 88060

>>88036
I mean honestly, from my experience it sounds like she (his sister) is the one who's lying about it. Even if the mom was narc, the sister probably got messsed up from it. Even if she told your bf alot of this stuff, unless he physically saw all of it, chances are some if it is half-truths.

No. 88067

File: 1531269269588.gif (843.53 KB, 500x217, https://33.media.tumblr.com/8f…)

I don't have a history of mental health issues, but I've been having frequent auditory hallucinations. Is this something I should talk to a doctor about? I'm only on birth control pills, no other medications.

No. 88069

>>88067
Obviously yes you talk to your doctor about this. I mean why would you not?

No. 88070

>>88069
It doesn't really feel like a serious problem to me, ig. I hardly ever go to the doctor, even though it's free for me to do so, and I have no idea who I should see if I do. My GP? A random psych that takes my insurance?

No. 88097

>>88070
See your gp for a referral to a psychiatrist.
Any sort of hallucination without having taken something like lsd is obviously a big deal. I’m amazed that nobody has taught you something like this. Someone has failed you anon.

See a doctor for any drastic shift in your mental state.
(Also any infection that lasts more than like a week or two, bloody vomit/stool, any head injury, and unexplained/non-menstrual vaginal bleeding)

No. 88105

>>88067
That depends on what the voices are saying.

If they're urging you to do something bad, then yeah, go silence them.

If not, then listen.

Same goes for inanimate sounds.

No. 88108

>>88105
It's just sounds most of the time (horns, knocking on a door, etc.) I hear the voices of people I know occasionally, but they aren't talking to me per se, or saying anything specific at all.

No. 88112

>>87009
How do a get a guy friend to stop liking me so I don't have to reject him, without it affecting our friendship?

No. 88113

>>88112
did he tell you he likes you already?

No. 88114

Are there any euro anons that were egg donors? I'd like to make an additional padding to my bank account and I was wondering if there are any clinics that you'd recommend, what the process is like and if the money is worth it?
I'm slim, in my early 20s and healthy overall, so I guess I'm a good candidate but the information online about applying to become an egg donor is so obscure, at least as far as europe goes.

No. 88126

>>88112
You just have to tell him straight up that you aren’t interested but still appreciate his company anon. It sucks, since he will be hurt for a while, but you can always rekindle the friendship afterwards. I have close male friends that have mistakenly equated emotional intimacy for falling in love and it took a little while after I rejected them to be able to talk with them again, but it ultimately made the friendship stronger.
That being said, if he reacts angrily or hurtfully towards you immediately with no apology now or later whatsoever, then you should cut contact ASAP.

No. 88136

>>88113
Nope, but I'm 100% sure he does because he keeps complimenting me, if we sit near eachother he tries to get closer to me and he keeps asking me to 'hang out' but I have to keep finding excuses. It's a bit shit since I have no interest in him

No. 88141

>>88114
I don't know if that's specific to my country or not but where I am at least, donating blood, plasma, sperm, anything of this sort isn't rewarded with money iirc. You do that for free, for ethical reasons (so you won't feel forced to donate anything due to pressure from poverty or anything else I'm guessing.) So I don't think that's the solution you should be looking for if you want to get money fast. Did you hear or see anything about getting money for being an egg donor in Europe anywhere or is it just an idea you got and you're doing your research right now? I'm curious.

No. 88155

>>88105
Are you retarded or trying to act edgy or what? This is coming from someone who used to have auditory hallucinations frequently lmao

>>88108
Get your ass to the doctor. It's dangerous and will obviously impair your daily life. There's a multitude of illnesses you can develop at any time in your life and certain ages are more susceptible to certain illnesses and that needs to be addressed.

No. 88157

File: 1531363454273.gif (716.51 KB, 500x254, 4B2BAA85-465E-49C6-9704-2D8223…)

>>88105
Whatever. Enjoy the schizophrenia.

No. 88160

>>88105
this isn't /x/

No. 88162

>>88141
Donating eggs is a long and painful process. It's not the same as jacking off into a cup. Do some research before going holier-than -thou.

No. 88167

>>88141
Sounds like it's specific to your country

No. 88174

>>88162
>Do some research before going holier-than-thou.
What? Literally all she said is that in her country they do it for free. Didn't say her opinion at all.

No. 88177

>>88141
Well, it's been specifically mentioned on some of these clinic sites that egg donation is indeed a voluntary act that is done for free as per the EU law BUT due to reasons mentioned here >>88162 the person is 'rewarded' for the act of kindness along with covering costs of stay. The price seems to go anywhere between 700eur to 1000eur.

I think I'm going to give it a try and apply to a clinic which seems to be reputable. I can always post here a feedback after I'm done if anyone's interested. I mean, I know it's not easy but if there's another euro anon that might want to go through with that for extra cash and taking into account that there's not much info online regarding it, I'd be happy to provide additional info.

No. 88181

>>88162
When did I act holier-than-thou and when did I give my opinion in my post? Quote what makes you think I'm holier-than-thou. I swear to god some farmers should take a literacy test before being allowed to post here.

>>88177
You mean the cost of staying at the hospital or something similar is given to you as compensation and not as a "price" for your eggs? Then it's different from what I thought you were talking about.

No. 88189

>>88181
Well, yes. On a few sites, it's accommodation costs + the compensation for going through all of that.
I'll see about it yet but tbh doesn't sound that bad.

No. 88208

File: 1531415931279.jpeg (5.84 KB, 259x194, images (4).jpeg)

Bf has a very bad receding hairline and he insists on having long hair which only exaggerates the recession. It looks okayish when he has it in a man bun, but at the end of the day he still looks like the guy trying to salvage his hair because he's insecure about losing it.
He's going to be 28, so he's fairly young for this to be happening to him.

Is there anything I can say to talk him into getting his hair styled and cut?
I know men are really sensitive about this issue, even his friends say he should think about taking it off. I don't want to hurt his feefees, but it honestly looks bad and pathetic.

Imagine pic related with long, greasy hair that he doesn't style and throws into a bun at best. This is why I'm not sure if telling him to cut it short will make it any better, because he's so lazy about hair care that I don't think he'll maintain it. He'll let it get shaggy again.

No. 88209

>>88208
He knows what his hair looks like, he just doesn't want to cut it. Shaming your boyfriend because of his hair is pathetic tbh.

No. 88210

>>88209
There is nothing wrong with not wanting your partner to look like a fool.

No. 88211

>>88208
Cut it in his sleep
Kidding
Have you bluntly told him he should get a hair cut?

No. 88214

>>88208
Maybe if you showed him a picture of a hair style you would prefer and told him you think he would look particularly sexy with that style? You don't have to go into the fact that you dislike his current cut, just emphasizing that he'd look especially attractive with a different one might be enough.

No. 88223

>>88208
ugh, my boyfriend does this too even though his hairline at 25 doesn't look nearly as bad as he thinks. he is afraid to cut it and lets it grow out to this weird bowl-like medium length before doing anything about it. it's especially bad since he doesn't really style it and it's always greasy. i man up and tell him to get a haircut all the time but he usually has to wait for his mommy to do it. his usual style is really sloppy & unprofessional and probably the reason he can't get a job. i hate to be a cunt about it but he's so sloppy with his appearance in general.

No. 88227

>>88209
I'd be angrier in the long run if someone let me walk around looking like a fool tbh >>88210.

>>88211
Yeah, but he brushes it off because at his core he doesn't want to do it.
When he was younger he had long hair so having to cut it short must feel like he's losing a part of his youth and identity.

>>88214
I'm thinking this may be the way to go, although I've tried suggesting styles before. Maybe if I act more enthusiastic about it he'll get more into it. Problem is I'm not very good with man styles so I have no idea what will make his head look better, I google search for 'receding hair styles' and a bunch of these men are in better situations than my bf. He has no volume to work with towards his forehead whatsoever and the recession on either side of his frontal patch of hair is extreme. It really does look like the picture I posted.
Makes his head look eggy.


>>88223
Bf has a job as a bartender and he wants to work at a swanky cocktail salon eventually. I hate to burst his bubble but no high end establishments will hire him with hair like he has. Which is a shame because he's a great people person, just no sense of style and personal hygiene whatsoever.
I feel you sis.

No. 88263

>>88227
Why are you with him if his hygiene is questionable tho?

No. 88275

>>88263
Because I overlooked it for his more personable qualities? Five years changes a lot in people as well, he wasn't balding so badly when I met him and most guys will put their best forward during the first year or so you're with them.

But you're right anon, I should upend my life immediately because bf won't get a haircut.

No. 88276

>>88275
I meant the greasy part, so very obviously.

No. 88277

>>88276
My answer applies to that as well. Any other questions?

No. 88278

>>88277
Honestly? A few.

Does unwashed hair bother you?
Does he shower daily and just neglect to wash his hair or is it an all-over deal?
How charming is he in order to counteract being physically unclean?
Why would you think haircut was associated with hygiene?

No. 88279

File: 1531456269362.png (88.82 KB, 820x281, from the wiki.png)

>>88278
>Does unwashed hair bother you?
Yes, but that's not the problem here. I said 'greasy' because long, unkempt hair looks that way on men. It doesn't mean he bathes in bacon fat and never showers.

>Does he shower daily and just neglect to wash his hair or is it an all-over deal?

See above.

>Why would you think haircut was associated with hygiene?

…pic related.

No. 88280

>>88279
Maybe don’t describe it as greasy since that means unwashed then. Cutting your hair isn’t hygiene, regardless of what Wikipedia says. Hygiene refers to cleanliness, not having bad looking stringy hair. If you’re going to be pissy about explaining yourself, be clear to begin with.

No. 88281

>>88280
You know it's literally whatever you say at this point since you dictate the rules.

So yes ma'am.

No. 88282

>>88281
Wow the melodrama over suggesting you use words in a clearer way.

No. 88283

>>88282
What's the point of being clearer with words when you rewrite their definitions anyway when it suits you? Leave then.

No. 88284

>>88283
So what does greasy mean if not ‘has grease on it’v
What does hygiene mean if not cleanliness?

I’m not the one redefining words here. Why are you so defensive over this lol?

No. 88285

>>88284
>So what does greasy mean if not ‘has grease on it’v
That's been clarified for you.
>What does hygiene mean
I quoted you a definition and you told me that haircuts and keeping hair are not included.

You're nitpicking semantics with me because you realized D U M P H I M wasn't an appropriate solution to this issue. You've dropped what initially annoyed me, and moved on to something even more grating somehow.
You sound autistic, tbh famalam.

No. 88286

>>88284
watching with a bowl of popcorn

Honestly the hair thing. Men are terrible at knowing what to do with their hair (because caring about looks or cleanliness is GaY, apparently)

Shorter curled (permed?) hair might be a thing. Receding hair+shorter curly hair looks cute. From shoulder length to a few inches long, not super short. The bulk and the curl pattern distract from the hairline.

No. 88287

>>88285
So you redefined greasy, and are now mad because I asked a question based on your new definition, then pointed out that the questions you got so miffed over wouldn’t have been asked if you’d used a word like the rest of the English speaking world, and I’m the asshole redefining words?

Tell your carer to get a haircut and speak properly autist.

No. 88288

>>88287
>redefined greasy
You are aware something can look greasy without actually being so?
Semantics-chan, all I'm trying to communicate is that long, stringy hair on dudes looks greasy. Are you ESL?
And don't come at me about "redefining" words when that's exactly what you did when I quoted you this >>88279.


We need to get you a tard wrangler, you're embarrassing yourself.

No. 88289

>>88288
Why are you so hurt and defensive over this? You were asked a question and got your feelings hurt, nobody came in and killed your family. You’re carrying on like a pork chop over a word and somehow think you’re not the embarrassing one.

No. 88290

File: 1531458618906.gif (754.72 KB, 420x314, popcorn1.gif)

>>88279
>Personal Hygiene
>keeping hair short or removing hair
>>88280
>Cutting your hair isn’t hygiene, regardless of what Wikipedia says.
>>88287
STOP REDEFINING REEEE

This is gold omg

No. 88291

>>88289
Who's hurt and defensive? I'm here because you were responding to my posts. I've answered your questions and yet you're still here trying to defend your stupidity and calling me the hurt one. All you'd have to do is stop.

No. 88292

File: 1531458921409.gif (540.79 KB, 200x160, F66113E8-C0CF-4B30-A259-0F6857…)

>>88291

>>all you have to do is stop

No. 88293

A guy keeping his hair cut and styled does make him look cleaner so why anon is denying that haircuts are a part of hygiene is really strange.

No. 88294

>>88227
>at his core he doesn't want to do it
Tbh, if it's not just cluelessness, he has to want to do it. Explaining the getting hired thing might be a good bet, though.

No. 88301

>>88279
>>88293
nta but thinking that women can have long hair but it's dirty on men is stupid no matter what wikipedia says

No. 88302

>>88301
Most men don't take care of their hair as nicely as women do. Plus we live in a society with some rules and expectation and long hair on men is considered dirty / unkempt. It's not a stretch to say that 99% of long haired men can't pull it off and would be better off cutting it.

No. 88304

>>88301
Nobody said Wikipedia says all men with long hair are dirty?
It was to shut the anon up who thought that hair care, including haircuts, didn't count as personal hygiene.
In any event this anon >>88302 is right. Most men with shitty long hair would look vastly sharper with shorter hair.

No. 88372

I recently got commissioned to do fetish art. I didn't really think too much about it and already sent sketches and am ready to receive payment but then I realized what it could mean for my reputation. I just have flashbacks to weird tumblr art threads and am worried my art would be posted there.
I don't want to suddenly turn the person down because I really need the money and it's not a super disgusting picture. I don't know what to do.

No. 88374

i found a dirty syringe and a random cup of water next to each other in my boyfriend's bathroom

we smoke pot but the idea of him injecting a harder drug is really worrisome to me. i don't mean to sound like i'm clutching my pearls, but what would you do if you noticed these things in the bathroom of somebody you care about?

No. 88383

>>88302
>we live in a society with some rules and expectation and long hair on men is considered dirty / unkempt.
I hope you're not feminists

No. 88393

>>88374
just ask him about it. be calm about it so he doesn't feel attacked and lie. there's not much else to do unless you know what it was and if it's his.

No. 88398

I developed this heavy crush on a fellow student and recently got into some conversation with him. A professor interrupted us and abducted him.
A week later, the semester is finally over, I go to his party to tell him that I like him, but I chicken out.
I text him the next day, saying that we barely see each other and it will only get shittier without classes, he takes two days to respond, claims he didn’t receive it earlier - and imessage really didn’t show “delivered”, so whatever.
He replies with his plans for summer and that he “would be happy if we could see each other” and after I tell him to “get in touch whenever he’s bored” he, again, replies that he’ll happily get in touch. Otherwise he was pretty short-spoken and the text conversation didn't last for more than 3-4 messages.
Now I'm torn, maybe he isn’t completely turned off by me but maybe he's just being nice? fml
That was Monday, and I haven’t heard from him since. He told me he would be busy with family from Wednesday on, so idk. Every passing day feels like forever, I can’t stop thinking about him, I really want to hook up.
I don’t know him well, so I don't know whether he’d be flattered or annoyed by me keeping the texting up.
What’s the best option here? Wait till he texts? Text him? If so, when is the best time and how open should I be about my intentions?
I don’t want to appear too desperate but I’d like to let him know that I’m into him.

No. 88474

File: 1531684915091.jpg (126.24 KB, 650x280, 0103056tballs-ex-sm.jpg)

>>88398
Invite him to do something specific, instead of just tossing ever more balls into his court.

No. 88536

How do I go about meeting people irl? I’m a socially retarded NEET shut in and I just want some human interaction

No. 88599

>>88536
You need to get a job, that's how I've met all my friends.
Join a sports club, push yourself out of your comfort zone.

No. 88606

Does anyone have experience with inpatient rehabilitation facilities for mental illness? I've been wanting to consider one to help treat my extreme agoraphobia, depression, and general anxiety.
Most places are for only drug rehab so it's even hard to find one that specializes just in mental illnesses.
I'm tired of being terrified of leaving the house alone, I can't even drive anymore or keep up friendships.
I'm seriously at my wits end, the panic attacks and breakdowns in public I can't handle.

No. 88647

>>88606

not trying to be mean but
>agoraphbia, depression and general anxiety

literally just go on therapy and get prozac like everyone else. or just google psychiatric hospitals near you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Psychiatric_hospitals_in_the_United_States_by_state but considering you're not schizophrenic or something like that it seems like a super unnecesary and drastic measure over… social anxiety. legit just go to therapy. there are online therapy services too. life isn't girl interrupted, you're doing a lot anon.

a friend of mine shortly spent time in one of those hospitals because of a suicide attempt. and even her, who frankly was certified insane, only stayed for less than a month. its not glamorous or fun and its frankly a pain in the ass when what you're dealing with can be treated with therapy. a not so close friend also got committed over an eating disorder + suicide attempt. and she stayed very shortly too. but getting committed over anxiety and depression doesn't sound right to me honestly.

No. 88650

>>88606
IP psych units are stretched to the limit holding the dangerously suicidal or untreatable schizophrenics. Anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression without an immediate, viable suicide plan do not belong in IP.

You need a mild antidepressant and a six week CBT course anon. If you don’t know that you’re not an eligible paychiatric inpatient client, youve clearly not exhausted your treatment options.
Go see a gp, you’ll be fine in under a year unless you really try to fuck it up.

No. 88686

File: 1531828035275.jpg (302.67 KB, 857x798, 20180717_073527.jpg)

Idk where rlse to post this, I tried to google "tiny leg dent" and "skin indentation" and whatever else I could think of, but all I get are pics of huge advanced melanomas, cysts, abscesses and other nasties that don't look anything like what I have.

A few days ago I noticed this weird dented spot on my left leg, and it's freaking me out because I know it's not from an injury or a bite. I'm worried it could turn into something serious, but I don't have great insurance right now… and I'm slightly paranoid because my family has a lot of history of skin cancers. I know there are some medical/nursing anons on here sometimes. Sorry about the leg hair, I'm lazy.

No. 88687

>>88686
Not a burn is it?

No. 88688

>>88686
it kinda looks like a chickenpox scar

No. 88689

>>88686
It looks like the scar I have from chicken pox.

No. 88690

>>88687
Nope, not a burn. Like I said, nothing happened that could have caused it, I only noticed it because I was shaving my legs.

>>88688
>>88689
It does, but I had chickenpox when I was 5 and this only came up a few days ago. I'm perplexed, honestly.

No. 88733

Does anyone here work as a Vet Tech or something similar? (The level that requires a 2 year degree) is there opportunities for higher level advancement? I’m interested in this coming from a nursing background, so obviously all I know is what I’ve read about the pay being shit comparatively, etc. but I’ve always wanted to work with animals and I’ve had some really horrible experiences dealing with people in the medical field recently, I’ve decided I really want to do what I’ve always wanted to do, especially after reading animal/pet threads on here. Any advice for good paths to take? I’ve already planned on applying to a 2 year program.

No. 88800

>>88650
I'd like to add that based on my experience, inpatient programs aren't great for healing. If you live in the US, see what your insurance will cover. A lot of people who were in inpatient went to outpatient later, but insurance covered outpatient only after inpatient. Mine did not cover outpatient, so I have no idea what it is like. You'd be better off finding a therapist or outpatient program, I think.

No. 88802

>>88690
Could it be from a recent bug bite?

No. 88844

>>88647
>>88650
Ive been on meds more than 10 years now. As for the agoraphobia, I have gone without leaving the house for months at a time. I’ve gone to therapy too. I’ve attempted suicide once.
I’m on a mood stabilizer and anti-depressant right now, was actually going to try to talk to my psych about changing again..
I’m just desperate at this point

No. 88856

>>88844
Ask your psych if there are any different therapies or programs you can try.

No. 88898

I’ve pretty much convinced myself that I have adult ADHD.
Does anyone have experience with getting diagnosed/their red flags? I had a friend with ADHD so thats when I first started noticing that I shared a few of their habits/symptoms. I read up about it online, looked up symptom lists and did a couple of tests just out of curiosity (I know they aren't legitimate). After that I tried adderall a couple of times, and it just made me feel.. normal?

I’m already diagnosed with BPD and anxiety. I can’t tell if maybe what I experience (and think is ADHD) is actually something to do with those disorders?

No. 88899

>>88898
I don't have anything to offer anon but I just wanted to say that I'm in the same situation except I've never tried Adderall.
I've only just worked up the courage to contact my doctor about it because I read so much about it's difficult to be taken seriously as a young woman as they just think you're exaggerating or trying to get ahold of Adderall for other reasons, and so now I'm so fixated on preempting the doctor being suspicious that I'm acting even less authentic. It's a mess, doing any research was a mistake.
I hope it goes better for you anon

No. 88901

>>88372
Late reply here but many artists do these kinds of commissions but if you're judging yourself before anyone else does then it doesn't sound like it's for you. If you feel weird about it and you're doing it using your usual style/pseudonym, just apologize and say you couldn't follow through on the commission.

Source : I drew a lot of porn requests as a teenager on 4chan because I was flattered people wanted me to draw but now I live in fear.

No. 88904

>>88844
Try new meds, ask about exposure therapy (which probably should already have been done tbh)
No hospital will take anyone in for agoraphobia.

No. 88911

>>88901
So I was diagnosed with ADD when I was around 16. I was put on various amphetamines for it, and they are great in terms of helping with focus, but they are just a bandaid solution. they are terrible for your heart, especially. I've since adapted a bit and learned to deal with it without meds, but I do really miss how great amphetamines felt. I'd say bring it up with your doctor, but ask what treatments are available besides amphetamines. There are non-amphetamine drugs, and therapies. I've also found other psych meds can make ADD/ADHD much worse, and an alternative drug might be better.

No. 88913

so i've near constant chest pain/pressure since the 16th of june. went in for an echocardigram yesterday (the version where they rub some stuff on your chest and stick the thing to your chest ((i don't know what it's called exactly)) and i. still haven't gotten my results? the doctor didn't go over my results with me or anything…i'm wondering if i should call them back again? called them back once i'd gotten home about it, and the receptionist told me he'd "call me". mom insists they'll set my file down and not even read it, or even just tell me everything is ok to get me off their case? how likely is that to happen

19 btw, i wonder if the doc kinda blew me off because of my age

sorry if any of this is scattered, i'm nervous :x

No. 88914

>>88913
*i've had

No. 88915

Anons with (successful) long distance relationship experience that started via internet, any advice? I've started talking to this guy on instagram, it's obvious he is into me but its extremely fresh and we live in different countries. I get so many butterflies when we message already which is extremely rare for me. I have no experience for something like this, and part of me is like no it's ridiculous but another part is like, nothing is impossible and its happened to other people. How does it just, idk, happen? How does the ball start rolling? Obviously I would never go meet him just by myself in another country, and stay safe, etc.
Even if not him, I'd like to be open to long distance and foreign guys. I'm so picky that I just never find anyone local and when I do they are so shitty to me so I feel I might as well open up to more chances because there are so many people in the world.
I feel like I would have no problem with a LDR, since I have no interest in most people in the first place (and when I do it's very strong), and I'm okay with being alone for a lot of the time, and I have been wanting to travel more for myself anyway.

No. 88918

>>88913
try to relax. getting all worked up about it won't help your health. it's only been one day. even the results of basic blood tests take at least a couple days to come in (where I'm from, anyway). also, don't listen to your mom about this. the vast majority of health professionals are competent and want to help their patients no matter how young they may be.

No. 88923

>>88911
I got diagnosed at 21, but I've never taken the medication

Maybe I should, but i'm getting by without it. it's hard work though. I like having the skills to keep going on my own without drugs

No. 88924

>>88923
Smart not to use the drugs. You can't use them indefinitely, anyways.

No. 88926

>>88924
I know the drugs are really important to some people. and some people can;t live productive lives without them (so far i can but its a big struggle) but i really hate the way that drugs get pushed on people so hard for adhd instead of being a choice

I saw someone once online saying that their partner wouldn't even talk to them until they took their meds every day, even on weekends when they didn't need them for work or anything… I think that's pretty scary

No. 89261

My dad had a heart attack today and in a couple days is going to get open heart surgery because his arteries are clogged (he’s out of shape but not fat). He’s alive obvs but hearing the news completely shocked me. I’m really scared because I know that his side of the family has always had heart problems and that inevitably they’ve been passed down to me. For several months I’ve been having heart and chest pains and passing large amounts of gas every day (tmi sorry) and am scared something is wrong with me? Honestly I don’t eat very well and I’m extremely sedentary but I don’t know if that has something to do with it.

I’m an extremely picky eater (autism) and also kind of depressed. The only thing that really brings me any semblance of “pleasure” is junk food. It’s been like this for years and I’ve honestly forgotten what a “normal” person’s diet even consists of… I also don’t go to the gym because social anxiety and it’s too hot to excercise outside. I have problems with motivation. I want to better myself because im so unhealthy and i also dont want to have a future of heart problems but i really dont know where to start and i guess im just anxious and lost. Pls no bully

No. 89276

>>89261
I hope your dad gets better and with no complications!
And you should go to the doctor just to get that fear that you might have something wrong with your heart!, even if you don't have any problems I think it's better to be sure so you can be calm. For exercise and motivation I suggest playing a dance game (like Just Dance) it gets you moving and it's fun, doesn't feel like exercise and you can do it alone at home (with some ps3 or even online in the computer), eat veggies everyday, I also love junk food so I eat some cheetos ONE time a week.
I lost more weight at home than in the gym, don't think it to much because you'll get lazy, just do it, get up and dance that game or jumping jacks or even a youtube routine! Best of luck.

No. 89278

>>89276
Thank you anon <3
I’m so gross that I probably have like, 5 vegetables per year… something i’ll need to work on.

No. 89342

>>89278
You could also try making your own healthy versions of your favourite junk food. So then it tastes good and isn't as bad for you

No. 89408

>>89342
How do you prepare spicey but healthy chips

No. 89435

>>89408
So for spice, I like to season with smoked hot paprika. The good kind, from a spice shop. You can make oven-roasted potatoes, put it on popcorn, or put it on nuts/seeds (you might need to ass dome olive oil for it to stick).

No. 89491

File: 1532440855774.jpg (10.43 KB, 400x300, thenunsstory.jpg)

I'm thinking of becoming a nun.
I'm not religious but I have no motivation in terms of pursuing a social status of any sort, I don't want to get married or have kids. Sex doesn't interest me. I don't care about clothes or makeup.

The only things I care about are programming, drawing, reading books and playing piano but I don't think I have the capacity to make a career in any of those.

I'm in my mid 20's and currently I have a job that's ok but I don't like it at all and I don't see myself in anything tbh.

I just want a life of peace and meditation, sheltered away from the public.

There are covenants that are strictly women only with no men allowed, and it seems that you don't need to have a degree in religious studies or something related to become a part of it. Of course, I know nuns do chores and charitable work etc.

Do any of you anons know someone who went that way, became a nun and such? I'm in the EU if it matters.

I guess it's stupid to ask life changing things on an imageboard but I have no one else to talk to and I'm not entirely sure myself.

No. 89493

ok so just to rant. ive been diagnosed with IBS recently and it hurts and gets in the way of my everyday life. its heavily stress related and i have terrible anxiety from mental health issues, and every time i think about going outside i think "what if i have a bathroom accident, in PUBLIC, in front of EVERYONE?!" every time i have to do something i freak out unless a restroom is in close vicinity to me. im checking out therapy but its very hard for us to find GPs here and even more so a good therapist, and GI specialist. so for the time being? does anyone else have IBS? are there any mental things i can try to relax myself so i dont get cramping from anxiety? thanks.

No. 89497

>>89491
First step for you would be to find a monastery and just stay there for a few days to two weeks just to see if it is appealing to you.
Then you can choose to become a novice, which basically means be a nun for a yearish without taking any vows or oaths. So you can still get out of it if you don't end up liking it. Once you take the vows they expect of you to freeze your accounts etc. or donate all your money to charity so it is difficult to go back from taking those vows.
There are lots of monasteries in the EU, so enough to choose from. Look around before deciding to join. Also think about whether you'd rather join a Catholic monastery or an Orthodox Christian one etc. since there are some differences. The Orthodox ones tend to be more sheltered than the Catholic ones as an example.

No. 89499

>>89497
Wow, thanks anon! You sound really knowledgeable. Yes, I'll do just that. There's already a covenant that I'd like to join and the sisters there were really friendly but I'll take small steps like you suggested.

I wasn't sure how it worked technically with bank accounts and all but now it makes sense.

No. 89503

>>89499
I was looking into becoming a nun myself so I did some research. I recently read a book called ''Letters to a Beginner: On Giving One's Life to God''
by Abbess Thaisia. Not everyone is made for life in a convent so it's indeed best to just take little steps. Like remember you would be living with lots of women together, even there they have trouble with gossip and they expect you to obey the elders. Plus potentially taking an oath of poverty is a big deal.
Life in a convent is very appealing though. Even after just staying for a week I didn't want to go back home, it was just so peaceful. Society is ridiculously unnecessarily hectic. So I definitely understand your desire to join a convent.

No. 89509

>>89503
Thanks, anon, it really means a lot.
I just feel out of place in this society. I'm not trying to sound like a special snowflake but I'm glad that there's someone else that understands me.

> Even after just staying for a week I didn't want to go back home, it was just so peaceful.


That sounds so wonderful. I hope I achieve that inner peace.

No. 89510

>>89491
I know that it's none of my business, but I'd really like to talk you out of this, anon.

I live in a catholic area of Germany, I went to a convent school, so I witnessed how people there live and my brother is studying to be a priest so I also get to know a little bit about this topic through him.

Like the other anon said, before joining you have to leave everything behind. Even in convents that aren't as strict things like watching TV or even eating snacks is a rarity. You probably never get to use the internet again. As an example, I'm "friends" with a nun, she's collecting stuff which then is donated and one man who brought them goods gifted her one beer. She then told me that she's going to share that beer with all the other sisters, so 1 beer for 10+ people…
Most work in charity or schools, but many also in nursing older people or the older nuns. Would you be able to do that?
The thing that sounded the worst to me is, then the monks from my school told us, that in TV shows etc convents are always portrayed as everybody doing everything together, as one community, but in reality it's the opposite. In some convents you're not allowed to talk during lunch and you might not meet any of the others all day long - meaning you're going to be alone all day. He said that while they'll greet each other if they meet, they certainly aren't friends. So it's a life in solitude. It can also happen that they'll send you to somewhere else, you don't really have a say.

The people who do this, are able to because of their belief. They basically live for prayer. But since you aren't even religious, I reckon that you'd have a very hard time.

No. 89511

>>89509
You're definitely not alone,the fact that monasteries and hermits have been a thing for at least over 2000 years is saying something. A lot of people just want their peace and have been achieving it in such set-ups. It even happened that nobles who felt like they didn't fit in society sold or donated all their possessions in the search of peace and quiet.

No. 89512

>>89510
It's not always that bleak, it really depends on the monastery. The one I stayed at has a website and webshop, so they do have internet, and they have snacks outside of fasting periods.
Though yeah a lot of nuns are older so if you join as a young'un you are kind of expected to help out. Even at the most sheltered convents you'll have a bit of that.

No. 89515

>>89510
I appreciate your post and I'm definitely going to think it through. A vow of poverty is not something to be taken lightheartedly.

That being said, life of solitude and quiet sounds absolutely perfect.

It goes without saying that I'll have to do chores.

The only thing I'm not sure if I can completely live without is internet.

>>89511
Indeed, I remember reading about hermits and envying their life. In any case, it's comforting to know that there's a place to seek solace.

No. 89516

Ah, I had a nice relationship with a friend where we used to tell each other everything,staying up to 3 am talking and all that jazz, thing is friend has a gf and I started searching stuff because we were on a weird limbo that apparently is called "emotional cheating" so I started distancing myself because I don't wanna be that bitch lmao. Thing is he still tells me intimate stuff like hopes,dreams his relationship with other ppl,etc and I've started thinking "why are you telling me this" or "tell this to your gf not me", I have yet to tell him that kinda stuff because idk if I'm exaggerating with the whole distancing and seeing things where there are none or if it's good that I became colder and disinterested with him.

What are your take farmers? Should I put a complete stop to this kinda talk or I'm biased and this is normal friendship stuff?

No. 89518

>>89516
If you feel like he’s emotionally cheating on his gf with you, leave him alone for the sake of the gf. It’s really simple and it sounds like you know that, your friendship doesn’t have to end but you should be respectful of his gf. Sounds like he values you more than that girl, so I’m sure it’ll be short lived anyway, but you’re right to not want to be “that girl”.

No. 89602

File: 1532515198984.jpeg (5.16 KB, 275x183, images.jpeg)

How do you deal with jealousy? I know this is mostly my own fault and I have to work on myself, but how do you stop? Anyone ever had success?

Bf made an instagram account a while ago. Didn't think much of it until I went to check it out to out of curiosity since it's public. Apart from memes he only follows blonde women, mostly with curly hair and usually from his town or somewhere around. He doesn't have many friends and I know most of them, but he never mentioned any of the ones he follows so I'm a bit puzzled and slightly panicky, even more so since he's not the type go go out. It's also oddly specific??

Obviously I can't ask him about it since he doesn't know I have an account, which is an old throaway that I used to post caps here. Yes he used to be shady in the past and was a big flirt before we got together so that's why I'm somewhat panicked. He also says he works a lot lately which I do believe but the communication did go down between us as far as I noticed.

Anyway, how do I stop obsessing over this and feeling insecure as shit?

No. 89610

Does anyone have hallucinations where you just feel things?

Like, sometimes I feel I have bugs all over my body or that there is water dripping from the ceiling but in reality it isn't.

I never did drugs and I have regular sleep. It's frequent and I have to contain myself from looking like a lunatic in public.

This will pass, right?

No. 89612

>>89602
I mean if he has a shady past this sounds a bit less like jealousy and perhaps healthy concern?

But if you feel like he would react poorly if you brought it up or that you're panicking over nothing, it's best to just stop yourself from looking at his social media.
It's been proven that social media makes this worse.

No. 89613

>>89602
That's fucking annoying tbh, why is it okay to men to follow 100 insta thots? I mean what do they get from looking at the photos of girls every fucking day. My friend had a problem like this and the dude was really manipulative and made her feel bad for just asking him why.
Anyway, I think if it bothers you and makes you feel less of yourself it's not alright (and you talk about his past, he sounds kinda annoying).
It doesn't really work ("to get rid of it" the feeling) imo, with my friend it didn't work, and in my own experience (my ex did the same, follow lots of asian hoes) but you know what? I stopped worrying and feeling less when I stopped caring about him, naturally stopped loving him, same for my friend.
Most people say "stop checking each other social media", that's kinda stupid, everyday we use it and it's normal to check our partners stuff because we are interested.
If you want to talk to him about it maybe create a new account and say he appears on your recommendations. But he's going to get really defensive (most dudes do) arguing that it's normal and it's not his fault you feel insecure..

No. 89614

>>89610
Do you drink coffee or too much sugar?, if this is a new thing maybe analyze what changed in your routine.
If it has been going on for too long maybe go to a doctor?, don't be afraid or stigmatized beforehand. If it's starting to ruin or affect your quality of life you need some help. Good luck!

No. 89615

>>89612
I had an ex like that. Had few friends all of which I knew then noticed all the specific girls he followed on Instagram were what he referred to as skate hags, girls that would hang out at skateparks. He use to make a point to complain to me about them all the time when he'd come back from the skatepark. They were all underage. He left his fb up one night when we had people over and I was fairly drunk so checked his activity on fb and it was him searching all these skatehag girls fb and photos after photos. Wonder what he had been doing…

Anyway we broke up and he started hanging out with his 18 year old brother and going to highschool parties. He's 30.

No. 89619

>>89614
Thanks anon for your concern. No to both questions but I will see a shrink.

No. 89628

>>89510
Quite frankly that sounds amazing. No talking, no internet, a life in solitude. Makes me want to become one too. I've looked up quite a few, but I'd have to move countries. Definitely a relief to think of it as a resort when life gets too much.

No. 89633

>>89610
I wouldn't worry, unless you have other mental symptoms you probably aren't having hallucinations.
There's lots of causes for these sort of sensations (look up Paresthesia). If you haven't got diabetes that'll probably be the first thing a doctor will test for. However you can get these sensations from stuff like anxiety or deficiencies. I think also where you are on the cycle can affect hormone levels which can cause these sensations.
If it's worrying you there's no harm in getting checked out, even if you just get peace of mind from it.

No. 89651

My nephews are spoiled little brats. Their mother lost her shit at me recently for correcting them for a minor offense(I worked in childcare for years, I know their motives better than she does) and i have given up on having a relationship with her or her kids because she thinks the manipulative twerps are made of glass.
I also think that she is a horrible mother(she sends her 5 year old son to bed with a juice BOTTLE and he has crowns already.) but everybody thinks she is just fantastic because she had several in a row. I think that was reckless.
I feel so hopeless. Do i just stay away from this clusterfuck or actually say something once in a while? I feel bad for the kids and they are on track to becoming insufferable adolescents.

No. 89660

Do you anons know where I could make myself some accountability buddies?
I'm low on friends, need to stay on track and my last attempt ended up in a guy trying to get in my pants.

No. 89676

Anyone here drop out of college and find success? Or hate college and stick it out? I'm starting in a week and I feel like shit about it, I'm scared I'll waste all my money on tuition and that a science degree is too hard and I'll flunk. I think I'm already behind in math. My strict asian parents expect me to go and have been saving for me my whole life so I feel like it's my only option.

No. 89726

>>89676
it's nice that your parents saved money for you to go to school, mine were like fuck you get a scholarship or go to community college.

i wish you the best of luck though. your parents may be strict, but they want to to have the best possible and get a useful degree. don't beat yourself up and i'm sure you can survive and graduate without flunking out.

No. 89885

I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago and ever since he has been telling me he is going to kill himself and it would be all my fault. It's making me feel so anxious and awful and guilty.

I don't know what to do. I would block his number but I would feel too cruel in this situation. I care about him and I don't want anything to happen, I could tell his family but I feel like it's not my place to intrude and make a scene especially if he is just saying it to make me feel bad.

What should I do anons? This is destroying me.

No. 89894

>>89885
Tell his family, it's on them to comfort him if he's truly upset, but it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into getting back together. You're not married, you have no contract to emotionally support him. Message his mom, sisters, female relative ideally about it with screencaps and say you're worried about him but you are broken up, want to be able to move on with your life, and just to let them know he might need additional support from them, or to discuss it with them.


Either he needs support and gets it, or he was lying and he'll be too embarrassed to do that again

No. 89906


No. 89911

>>89885
It's very hard to believe he would actually kill himself, but I don't know him like you do so I think you should contact his family and tell about this. Even if he is not actually suicidal, he is clearly in mental distress and doesn't know what to do. He will most likely get over it sooner or later, but I really think you should contact his family. Also as tempting as it may sound, you shouldn't get back together with him if you already have a good reason to break up with him. Otherwise you will be forever stuck in that cycle.
His intentions may not be abusive even though threatening with suicide is one of the many abuser tactics, it's most likely about him being confused and panicking over losing you.

No. 89924

>>89885
He’s being manipulative. Block his ass, and don’t feel guilty anon. He’s not your responsibility.

No. 90002

>>89885
Document it and have him taken to the hospital if he's threatening in an imminent sort of way. You need some form of proof to have him held there for evaluation. Texts should suffice.

No. 90064

>tfw your bf starts doing laundry for the first time in seven years
>only his clothes
>ALL of his clothes

He is secretly packing to leave, I know it.

No. 90067

>>90064
nah i do this sometimes. it's because i don't know what's clean and what isn't so it's easier for me to wash it all than to sort them.

No. 90081

>>90067
We have been arguing a lot.
The clean clothes I put in his drawers aren’t getting washed.

No. 90087

>>90081
oh lol rip

No. 90123

>>90081
Replace the detergent with bleach, and then write BLEACH on the label because he won't look. If he asks, say you lost the cap to the bleach. get a new detergent and put it somewhere in the laundry room where it won't be what he reaches for first.
Or, you know, talk to him.

No. 90154

My grandma who I was close to died last night, my boyfriend and I have been doing nothing but arguing all day, and now he's sleeping on the couch because I asked him to please not watch any porn tonight. LMAO should I just end this already?

No. 90156

How do I cope with being homesick? I'm about to be 22, and moved across the country at 19. I can't afford to visit my family often, I've only been back once since I moved I stayed for a few weeks but still. My mom and I didn't have a great relationship until shortly before I moved. Shes in her 50s now and I just feel like I'm missing out by not being with her. Last time I had visited her she had changed so much from the last time I saw her irl, it made me really emotional. I miss stupid things like singing in the car with her or being goofy at the grocery store or just having her presence at all. Will this ever really get easier? How can I make it more bearable?

No. 90176

>>90156
Visit more often?
Damn, once in 3 years is awful, anon. I don't know your situation ofc but as someone from a country that young people tend to emigrate from, I know people who moved continents and are working shitty shady jobs visit way more often than this.
Leaving this aside, call them, Skype/facetime, ask them to send you pics and send some back until it's a habit you share life more. Maintain an active bond and they'll be present in your life, so you won't miss them this much. This way you can also improve your relationship.
Option B, you can surround yourself with more people and try to drown out the longing with other meaningful relationships but it ain't easy and you may regret not staying in contact with the fam later…

No. 90179

>>90154
> now he's sleeping on the couch because I asked him to please not watch any porn tonight.

What a frickin baby

No. 90228

>>90154
Yeah, you should. If he's not supporting you emotionally when things are tough, why be with him?

No. 90243

>>90154
>and now he's sleeping on the couch because I asked him to please not watch any porn tonight.
Do it, a guy like that can't NOT be a manchild

No. 90286

This is so silly, but I guess I want to hear what other people think. I've been going back and forth on getting plastic surgery since forever. Although I'm glad I didn't when I was younger, because I've actually become more beautiful throughout my 20's. Or maybe I'm more accepting of myself. I'm definitely not a knock-out. I'll never be the prettiest girl in the room. But I think I look nice.

The one thing I want is a nose job. It's nice to imagine getting my "dream nose" but I probably wouldn't do anything too drastic. I'd rather have a more normal looking nose that suits my face better than one of those perfect noses that might change the way I look entirely.

The thing is that everyone in my life would frown upon it. I think my family would even be offended.

Does anyone know if it's even possible to pull that off without anyone knowing or noticing? Again, I'm not looking for anything drastic at all. I've even considered just doing the kind of nose job where they use a combination of fillers and botox. I don't care about having a big nose so much. I just want the shape of it to look more in harmony with my face.

No. 90416

The guy I’m seeing at the minute is really great and I like him a lot, but I’ve noticed he does this thing that makes me slightly uncomfortable? He sort of implies that I’m fat. Although I have a lot of issues with my body, I know that I’m not actually fat. I’m 5’5 and maybe 120lbs at my biggest, 100lbs at my smallest, so right now I’d say I’m about 110. The first time it happened, we were walking and I mentioned how I don’t do much exercise, and he jokingly grabbed my stomach and said, “is that why you have this then?” And I sort of laughed it off and didn’t think anything of it. But he’s said things like that again. We were at my house on my bed, and my bed is quite old, so if you rest on the headboard, it goes back quite far. He was sitting on the bed and I climbed on and lay against the headboard, and the bed sank a bit, and he said again in a jokey way, “you’re so fat, look what you did to the bed”. Then this weekend, we were cuddling in bed, and I had my knees up to my chest which obviously gives me more of a belly, and he grabbed it and asked how much cake I’d been eating…again I sort of laughed it off, but it’s been making me feel a bit uncomfortable? He grabs my thighs and my stomach during sex a lot too. It just makes me slightly uncomfortable because I have suffered with EDs in the past and kind of still am. I feel like it’s messing with my perception of myself. What could he mean by doing this? Does he want me to lose weight or is he joking around?

No. 90419

>>90416
Yeah that's definitely some weird behavior. Either he has some weird complex about it himself, or he has "a thing" for it, or something. Ask him about it. Ask what he feels about it. Inform him how you feel about it. Best case scenario he's just really dense and unaware of how it can make someone feel, worst case it's something more malicious. Don't accept any deflections from his part. It can be an interesting and rewarding conversation for both of you.

No. 90425

>>90416
I wasn't sure if he was one of those weird boyfriends who wants his girlfriend to be skelly, but then you mentioned he grabs your stomach during sex.
He might have a fetish and wants you to gain weight tbh. Or he just has a thing for soft girl bellies, that's surprisingly common from what I've seen. And spoken as a girl who has a thing for unconventional traits in men, it can be read as teasing/pressuring them into meeting conventional standards if you aren't careful with your wording.

But as other anon mentioned, you're best off asking him.

No. 90433

Have you anons here had success without college? I don't plan on going but it's taboo in my community to take other paths besides university

No. 90434

>>90416
Anon he is testing you to see how much you will take and how much they can get away with and ruin your self esteem to make you dependant on their approval and validation. Don't fall for this common mind trick men like to play.

No. 90439

>>90425
yea i agree with this tbh. it sounds more like he's turned on by it and is saying it in a playful way that he likes.

No. 90440

>>90434
>anon's bf clearly has a fat fetish
>he's manipulating her! just like a MAN does!!!

No. 90441

My boyfriend is going into the military and we're long distance already :( I love him and I've known him since I was barely a teenager and I'm scared the military will distance us emotionally

No. 90442

>>90416
Talk to him. It could be a manipulative negging, or a fetish. Figure out which it is, and make it clear you're not changing your body for him, ever.

No. 90443

>>90442
it's obviously a fetish, people who'd neg during sex aren't going to get far enough to get into actual relationships.

No. 90444

>>90416
Sound like he's into your fat part and don't know how to show it. A guy used to always comment on my "tiny breast" when we flirted, and when I finally told him that it made me feel unsexy, he told me that he actually loved them a lot and he find it a turn on. Men are kinda retarded.

No. 90446

>>90440
>anon has body insecurity problems
>boyfriend puts down her weight
>messes with her perception

CLEARLY A FETISH!!!!!!!

No. 90448

>>90443
Yeah they do, if you ever read a pua guide or something like that, tey talk about destroying her self esteem so she will never leave. Making horrible comments during sex is a part of those tactics.

No. 90449

>>90416
>>90154
>>90444
You've really found some keepers. You guys should value yourselves better. Having low self-esteem doesn't mean you should settle with guys like that.

No. 90450

>>90449
I'm >>90444 and I never dated or fucked this guy, just trying to give some insights to anon.

No. 90451

>>90450
Oh, sorry for assuming. You are alright then.
I just think most relationship problems with women come from them undervaluing themselves. There is no reason to stay with someone who insults you, manipulates you, etc. Unless that is your thing ofc. It kind of makes me mad and wish I could help them but I know my words probably won't reach them because "he's so amazing!!!" even though he treats her like human refuse.

No. 90452

>>90446
did you miss all the stuff about it happening during sex? are you okay?

No. 90453

>start working at a new place
>there is this really quiet guy working in the same department
>he never talks with anyone other than saying hi or good morning or work related things, eats alone etc
>Always polite and never refuses help
>Start thinking about him for some reason all the time
>Tried forcing him to talk to me and asked him out for drinks
>We get a bit closer after that
>After some time he's acting cold and avoiding me
>Ask him wtf is going on
>"Anon I'm sorry but I can't handle human relations and get really unstable and unbearing in them I'll probably hurt you some way, that's why I don't talk to people much"
>It just made me want him more

How do I change his mind? He's just so cute and sweet or do I listen to him and stop chasing? His way of thinking is just so sad.

No. 90455

>>90448
those people don't get into relationships lmao. you really think those PUA return of kings idiots actually get anywhere? get off the fucking internet.

you're making tons of crazy assumptions when anon hasn't even reported back with his response yet.

men are stupid and it definitely seems like a fetish thing, and he probably is turning himself on without realizing he's the only one enjoying it.

the way he's doing it would be piss poor even if he was trying to neg her, especially the thing about the bed.

No. 90456

>>90453
>telling you he's unstable and unbearing in a relationships straight up

sounds like he's a semi self aware bpdfag trying to warn you. I'd leave him alone.

No. 90457

>>90455
why are you so adamant its a fetish when this is actually a very common thing men do to manipulate women? You're making just as many assumptions as everyone else here and do you think its a coincidence Anon has body problems and he chooses to comment on that? I'd like to know if he is aware of her past body problems, if he does then its most certainly him being a plain piece of shit.

No. 90458

>>90457
>common thing men do
go out and talk to someone irl please

this shit is not a "common thing" it's insane shit that incels talk about on the internet. most men irl are fucking morons and need to be told what they're doing is hurtful. sure there are some people who will then take advantage of it, but fuck your level of paranoia isn't positive and will just make anon more worried.

No. 90459

>>90456

Sigh, why do I always find "these" guys attractive?

No. 90460

>>90458
Not that anon, but is really more acceptable if he's unaware? I understand people have to be told what they've done wrong to improve, but straight up insulting someone, especially someone they supposedly love, and not realizing it's hurtful is the sign of a terrible person.

>>90459
Do you want to fix him? Show him you would love him for his flaws anyway?

No. 90463

>>90458
lol you think they don't know exactly what the fuck they are doing. They do. This is not some shit made up by incels on a computer screen. I have seen it irl, I have seen it done to my friends, I have read countless stories. I'm not making anon paranoid I just refuse to lie to her. The more you make out like men are idiot children who just don't know what their doing the more women get duped.

No. 90464

>>90458

Men aren't that oblivious to the fact that many women are insecure about their weight. If they did it wouldn't be such a common go-to insult when they get mad at us. I'd be more keen to believe the fetish thing if he encouraged anon to overeat in addition to the comments

No. 90465

>>90460
not saying that, but coming to that conclusion without knowing the entire situation seems really knee-jerk.

No. 90466

I get what anon is saying tbh. It's so tiring on here or on the relationship thread to see anons screaming "break up with him" when much of the time they don't even seem like they read what anons were saying.

Regardless of what anon's bf's feelings are, she needs to communicate it to him, we shouldn't even be entertaining the whole "break up" meme most of the time in these threads.

I just don't think anons who clearly have a chip on their shoulder about men should be commenting at all, no need to be a handmaiden, but don't jump to push blame so quickly.

No. 90467

>>90458
It's a pretty common thing in toxic relationships, that's not to say that anon's relationship will definitively go down that route. He could be insulting her for any reason but saying he's doing it because it's a "fetish" or because he's an idiot with no sense of social decorum is every bit as plausible as saying he could be doing it to intentionally lower her self-esteem when we don't know the entire story. Don't know why you're getting so pissy when someone mentions it's a possibility. Anon should keep that in mind because it could potentially be a red flag.

No. 90469

>>90466
>having a chip on their shoulder about men

Remain naive. Sometimes I don't even know why I bother.

No. 90470

>>90416
Communication is a key part of every relationship, it's especially important in romantic ones. If you can't figure out that you need to talk to your boyfriend when he does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure, without the help of an imageboard, something is wrong with you or the relationship.

If your boyfriend does something that upsets you - talk to him about it. Holy shit this should be common sense.

No. 90474

>>90460

I would like to but he's not giving me a chance.

No. 90481

i recently got a nuclear stress test. 19 years old, no real abnormalities apart from a constant chest pain since an incident earlier last month (june).
should i be worried about cancer down the line? like have i upped my chances?
i was injected with 22 mCi of cardiolite :<

No. 90486

>>90481
The tracer won’t give you cancer.

No. 90499

>>90416 is me.
I've read what you guys have said…I'm not a fool, I did have it in the back of my mind that this could be a kink for him? But also, might just be men being clueless and not realising he's upsetting me, or that he actually wants me to lose weight?

I've not mentioned it to him, I'm going to wait and see if he says anything else. If it is a fetish, it's literally having the opposite effect, because I've been watching what I eat way more. In response to anons wondering if he knows about my past, he doesn't know I've struggled with EDs but he does know I'm fairly body conscious, although somewhat bizarrely this has got better since seeing him, as him telling me I'm pretty/sexy/what he otherwise likes about my body has made me feel much more confident.

But I'm not sure why he would like/want me to be…chubby? He's quite fitness conscious, he runs 10k-15k quite regularly, goes to the gym, watches what he eats - I actually worry about how little he eats. So what if he is actually 'negging' me and wants me to be fitter? I would think it was maybe a kink or him just being clueless if it wasn't for this?

No. 90500

>>90499

>But I'm not sure why he would like/want me to be…chubby? He's quite fitness conscious, he runs 10k-15k quite regularly, goes to the gym, watches what he eats - I actually worry about how little he eats. So what if he is actually 'negging' me and wants me to be fitter? I would think it was maybe a kink or him just being clueless if it wasn't for this?


He isn't necessarily going to hold you to the same physical standards he has for himself. Plenty of weight mismatched (and happy) couples out there

No. 90502

>>90499
>>90500
idk, but i was in a relationship with a fitness conscious guy before and it was super draining on me. he had previously been overweight as a kid and lost a ton of weight before high school. he had severe male body dysmorphia and thought he didn't look good unless he was a sculpted GQ model. i was sympathetic about it for the longest time because i knew he was bullied and that his mom verbally abused him…that is until he started taking his insecurities out on me.

mind you when i was dating him i was very slender, in fact underweight. instead of encouraging me to eat right and stay active to maintain a healthy weight and figure, he'd complain about how i wasn't a perfect 10 for him because i wasn't toned enough. he also made fun of my lumbar lordosis and said it was something i needed to "fix" in order to be with him. every day he'd call me to check on what i ate and criticize it and make sure i worked out, after asking me to compile a playlist of workout videos that he approved of. he was always showing me models and porn stars he liked that represented his ideal and rated their bodies. he was also constantly getting in arguments with me (that he'd start) about how men have it harder than women in regard to beauty standards and physical expectations. even when we were intimate he'd start talking about how important it was that we perfected our bodies.

sorry to move to spotlight away from the original poster, but i just wanted to speak from personal experience. if you're seeing a guy who is obsessed with being in perfect shape, and on top of that he is poking fun at your body, that's a huge reg flag. who knows, it could very well be kink or he could just be really into girls with your figure. but if that's not the reason then i'd run.

No. 90620

christ i'm in a real pickle atm, advice, reassurance or just a friend would be appreciated
my period is about a whole week late ;__; my bf and i dont use protection, he pulls out really well. we've only had PIV sex around 3 times (he likes it up the ass lol) so i dont know how i could have got pregnant. i have/used to have an eating disorder and my friend said it may be late due to that, but im almost a healthy bmi (17.5) and i eat probs around 1800 cal a day. i live with my parents and i cant speak to my mum about this cuz despite me being 18, she thinks sex is off limits and never spoken about lol. i work at the only supermarket in town so i cant buy a pregnancy test, an my parents own the pharmacy. what do i doo

No. 90623

>>90620
unprotected sex is idiotic, even though your bf "pulls out really well" there is still a huge risk. on one hand i want to feel bad for you, but on the other this is a consequence of your irresponsible behavior.

what are your options if you turn out to be pregnant? would you be comfortable having an abortion? have you talked with your boyfriend about this?

either way you should take a pregnancy test. good luck though, i hope it comes out negative and you start using protection after this scare. i honestly don't want to come off as mean because you're in a really scary situation, but i'm just like … how could you be so dumb… use protection for fucks sake.

No. 90629

>>90620
try ordering one online maybe? but yeah just relying on pulling out as a contraception is pretty dumb.

No. 90633

>>90620
Ask a friend to get it for you, go to a drugstore/pharmacy in the next town/city or order it discreetly online

No. 90657

>>90620
Go to the next town over, or order one online? You could also go to your doctor to get a test, if that's not prohibitively expensive.

No. 90665

>>90620
>he pulls out really well
Not well enough it seems lmao

No. 90671

can I just vent? I’m fucking falling apart anons. Within the last year my boyfriend and dad have died tragic deaths, had to leave college, my cystic acne came back after accutane from the stress, I’m getting fat, my eyelashes are falling out, getting incredibly awful cluster headaches every other day, and I’m balding. Literally balding. I have Graves’ disease already so I’m pretty certain it’s alopecia since one auto immune disease makes you more likely more another. honestly I just wanna die and I have no fucking future. I’m just so sick of falling apart like this. Sorry for the rant

No. 90674

File: 1533187587738.png (142.72 KB, 339x280, wake me up.png)

So, I started my first job a few months ago and although the work is technically easy my nerves have been testing me a lot. Most days I'll walk into work feeling tense and anxious, where nothing I do feels natural and I'm constantly self-conscious of my movements and how I'm coming off. I don't know how to relax and get out of my own head. What can I do? Is something wrong with me? I thought this issue would solve itself after a few weeks of working but it's still troubling me. It's making me dread coming in and each day is like a back and forth on pushing myself to go.

No. 90695

>>90671
Well I'm so sorry for you anon, i send you a virtual hug and i really wish you a better tomorrow! I hope you can get back on track and enjoy life soon. Must be really hard to deal with the death of a loved one and i can't even imagine two deaths… You deserve to be happy and to get your health back. Maybe consult a doctor for your hair loss.
Try working out or walking while listening to music (so you can exercise and relax). Anyway i send you good vibes!.

No. 90701

>>90671
That must be unbearable anon, I'm so sorry.

No. 90870

On the other person never reciprocated, it has to pay them compliments in this video?

It used to play it almost feels like being able to ask if anyone would like to try them out at the pictures, you'll notice that your eyebrows are uneven I also use Snow for cute filters. Excellent way to stop her if she does not help your remember them when i took them off or re-paint.

No. 92365

File: 1534487608167.jpg (128.43 KB, 960x540, 28167227_1870723536552832_9148…)

Very fed up farmer here! For a couple of years, probably due to how I used to always bleach my hair, I have had this one scab on the top of my head.

Every time it dries out, it becomes sharp, and very hard to resist picking.

My questions are: how do I STOP picking it from stress, and secondly, when it DOES get sharp and dry, how does that ever heal? it just feels rough and it makes it harder to not pick. Please help.

No. 92366

I developed depersonalization after being raped several times in an abusive relationship. And now, every time I am intimate, just cuddling is enough, I just mentally leave my body. And it is getting annoying because I am going out with a really sweet guy, and I would like to actually experience it. Not just have my body go on autopilot while my head is racing though a million thoughts somewhere "safe".

Is this something I need to talk to a shrink about, or will it go away over time?

No. 92369

>be me, a liberal female mid 20's with conservative views on marriage aka i wanna get married rather quickly and unless theres serious abuse, divorce is out of question
>I don't care for religion at all, but I don't mind it if it's moderate
>I don't date for fun, I date for marriage and thus break up quick usually
>All men who do this too are religious, funnily enough
>Swore off dating most religions by now, from experience
>Dating a moderate shia muslim who doesn't want to convert me but does expect future kids to follow his religion
>i didn't even know hes muslim after a year and a half due to it never having had come up
>He has a minor superiority complex about religion and thinks his is the right one
>Comes from a family that seems liberal in the Muslim community but he views as conservative aka he himself is very liberal like me
>Otherwise very sweet, caring, smart, helps me around, wholesome and supportive - doesn't expect me to cover up but too much is too much and ires him a bit (I find what he finds too much also too much.)
> We are both extremely highly educated (both getting PhD's in mathematics/physics related areas)
>We have same interests

What would /g/ do, the only issue I have is that our kids would be Muslim by default. I wouldn't mind if they were allowed to be muslim but weren't expected to be since childhood.

Any muslims here, can I expect to have an actual conversation with him and compromises or is it a zero sum game?

No. 92370

>>92369
if he's muslim he's not highly educated.

No. 92371

>>92366
Not shrink, but a therapist.
I don't think you should face this alone; often we overestimate our abilities to get ok without any help. It won't hurt to talk to a therapist and may do wonders to you. Some people will heal with time, so the professional only speeds up the process, but some do not heal without a guidance and that's ok. It's important to realize you may be one of the latter and should seek help, not just try to wait it out.

No. 92373

>>92369
oh no, don't do it. Please don't settle for a muslim. The moment you two marry, you're lost. I know girls that went for the sweet, caring muslim schtick and then it all changed the second after the marriage, had the children took away - basically kidnapped - to father's home country and thus the woman emigrated and was forced to integrate into the culture, which means you know exactly what. Not the most pleasant life you would choose for yourself.
Remember, they never seem like this. Never. Every one of the stories I know is like yours in the beginning, and the fact that he's so hardened about children being muslim is a warning.
I'm just an anon on an imageboard, but please don't get into it.

No. 92374

>>92369
anon pls don't this is such a huge risk.
The stories are always the same.
The guy is loving and liberal till you are his wife, than he kidnaps you and children and you become his live-in slave

No. 92375

>>92369

> minor superiority complex


once you date that's gonna be full blown abuse
please don't do this anon
when I was 17 I entered a relationship with a 23 year old muslim after he pressured me into one and he honestly damaged me so badly. Don't.

No. 92378

>>92373
I understand your concerns and have the same ones actually.

He doesn't want to return to his country of origin, since he thinks it's backwards third world. It's not a Visa sham, my country doesn't give citizenship to spouses at all - doesn't even guarantee a residence.

I'll have a proper conversation on is he hardened on the kids being Muslim, since we only have had one conversation about it on a level of what's the most common approach. If he is, I agree with you it's time to bail.

Thank you for your concern anon, I'll keep it in my mind tightly.

No. 92381

>>92369
I can't believe you said liberal and Muslim in the same sentence.

Girl, you're in danger. You have no clue what you're getting into. You need to read the whole damn Quran before you even think of getting with a Muslim. We'll see what you think after that.

No. 92383

>>92381
>>92380
what are you talking about silly anon, Islam is a religion of peace and love and Muhammad only meant for husbands to beat their wives with super tiny, thin sticks - for their own good!!!

I have recently found out that women are not to travel unless accompanied by a mehmet aka a male family member that can't fuck them. This is sick and wrong. It's lovely to have a bf or whoever go with you if you feel unsafe but imagine being treated like a 5 y/o your whole life because as a woman you are weak and men are not to be trusted with not raping you unless another male is with you.

No. 92386

>>92378
No one's worried it's a visa sham you idiot, they're worried about someone who is muslim that loves the religion but somehow hates the his home country which is seeped in it? Any muslim who can see what the religion does first hand turns ex.

No. 92387

>>92378
why can't you just get with a guy that's not a muslim? like, are guys that hard to come by? my fiance is an atheist leftist from a comparatively liberal muslim family and even he says he'd never advocate a woman getting into a relationship with even a 'liberal' muslim man.

the way he's so adamant about the kids being muslim worries me. how he could subscribe at all to islam is worrying. like, it's one thing interacting with men that believe deeply in these male supremacist religions, but marrying them and having their kids? nah

No. 92389

>muslim husband

fuck that shit.

No. 92390

>>92369
why are you even entertaining this idea if he's already making decisions about your unborn children??

No. 92391

>>92386
I bet he only thinks it's "backwards third world" because they don't have commodities like in anon's country rather than because it's shariah law lol.

>>92378
Dump him already.

No. 92392

>>92391
exactly. any muslim critical of their country is going to be critical of their religion because they know that's why the country is that way.

No. 92393

>>92387
This, just pick some urban woke Turk or something if you have to.

No. 92405

I'm feeling so unsatisfied sexually and emotionally by my boyfriend lately. We've been together a while but he's gone from being really caring, selfless and eager to get me off in bed to very very selfish. He's amazing at oral but I'm the only one who gives it anymore and sometimes he'll work me up to wanting sex, then cum while I'm blowing him, then go and play video games and ignore me. I've never been the type to cheat on anyone, but I'm actually getting urges to, because even though I love him I'm feeling very frustrated often these days. He's also fat and shows no effort to change, while I'm skinny yet he's constantly getting on at me about working out and toning up while he eats shit. I've tried talking to him a bit about these things but he just plays the "I think I have autism I'm not always able to be considerate" card or gets upset and I have to comfort him instead of being able to share my own feelings. I'm really disappointed at myself for wanting to put beside my own morals and it's making me feel like shit.

No. 92407

>>92405
hello, man larping as a woman

No. 92408

>>92407
Kek yeah it's so obvious. "my bf is a piece of shit who hates me, I don't consider breaking up but I consider cheating on him, I'm such a whore teehee" yeah right.

No. 92410

>>92407
>>92408
cause women can't be shitty amiright?

No. 92413

>>92410
hello, another man or same man. the point isn't that women can't be shitty, moron. it's thinking that a woman wouldn't consider breaking up with a guy so cartoonishly horrible.

No. 92427

>>92413
Not a man. Have considered dumping him but up until very recently he's treated me amazingly. I'm sure some of it has to do with his depression getting worse but he also seems like he might be settling back into not caring much about how he presents himself now we're in a steady, long relationship, but he's not the man I fell in love with. I don't think I could do it to him, but having something I'd previously never dream of doing cross my mind is really scary.

I understand why you think I'm a troll. I just wanted a place to anonymously vent and maybe get some advice on how to talk with him before I resort to leaving him.

No. 92428

>>92427
nta, sounds like maybe he wants to the relationship to end but doesn’t have the balls to end it.

No. 92430

My friend has just broken up with his gf and now he's chasing me
How do I get rid of him without hurting his feelings?

No. 92437

>>92430
ask for a dick pic then reply with a critique on the aesthetics of his cock

No. 92439

>>92366
A therapist would help. If your SO is on board with supporting you while you are in therapy working through this, even better.

>>92365
Vaseline? Keep the wound moist. You will want to cover your head during this time.

>>92369
The tendency I've seen is for the men to get more controlling and religious over time. If he's irked about what you wear now, he'll get more irked over time. If you don't want a muslim family, and to raise your children muslim, you're not compatible and you shouldn't waste one another's time.

>>92427
Honestly, they are always great until they aren't. I thin you could do better,

>>92430
You not being into him will hurt his feelings. This is fine and the kind thing to do is nip it in the bud.

No. 92458

Feeling hopeless about my LDR… it would be 5 years until we could close the distance. He's European and I'm American. For the 3 years we've been together I've been generally optimistic and he has a wonderful personality and heart. I'm still in school and feeling discouraged. I don't really want it to end but at the same time it seems like a possibility. I don't want to ever hurt him… I want things to work out but I'm not sure how they will

No. 92463

>>92458
your parents can cosponsor him if you don't make enough to support him, if he wants to come to america, that is.

No. 92467

File: 1534607020301.gif (1.22 MB, 720x405, GDeyZDA.gif)

Ok I've got one that I've cried over and I just need to ask

I have this coworker who I really like. We've been for drinks outside work a few times, I feel like even though he's quite guarded and cold, he's slowly warming up to me, and I get the feeling that he also is starting to have a crush on me too.

However: I am useless at conveying my feelings in person while he is amazing at it, and better at text, but then he is terrible at texting.

I'm planning to quit this job in a few months to start a new one and I don't want him to be shocked when I hand in my notice, so I figured I should just be honest with him, tell him that I'm quitting in a bit, but that I want to keep seeing him outside of work.

I don't know whether to be honest with him and say "look, I'm slowly getting attached to you and want to see you more" and just be direct, but for someone who started off quite cold, he's warmed up to me considerably and we've started having deeper talks in person about feelings so maybe I should?

TLDR I really like this guy at work who moves slowly like I do due to us both being hurt in previous relationships, and want us to see each other more.

Another thing is I'm the only one he's apologetic to with texts- he is terrible at them but with me he will come up to me at work and apologise for it then spend a while talking and seems like he's developing a crush, but if I'm not gonna be seeing him at work every day I don't want to be worried that it's going to be hard to contact him due to this, so next time he says "I should get better at texting for you" should I just be honest and say "yes you should"

Also how does one go about approaching this gently? again, I can feel we are warming up to each other, but I don't wanna scare him off.

No. 92469

Basically my only friends are a bunch of normie girls who can be nice but also a little sheltered and ignorant (which has lead to me being very hurt by them). I really can't tell if I'm being a bitch for wanting friends with more similar interests instead of embracing having friends unlike myself.
All we ever do is bitch about each other or other people and it feels so vapid. The longer we don't hang out the more negative I feel towards them, but then when we all catch up I feel guilty for thinking so badly of them when I can still enjoy their company. They're not the type to just want to hang out casually though, we never text or talk to each other, we just go to events (e.g. birthdays).
They've been nice about me dressing differently, but I feel like that's only because being 'goth' is now in fashion, they were less accepting a couple years ago. Another issue is I struggle to find friends with similar interests bc they tend to be annoying/attention seeking/not genuiene interest in it. I feel like I'm probably no better than them if most people who like e.g. the same movies as me are pretentious assholes and I'm just unaware?
I know this isn't the worst issue in the world but I just can't tell if I'm too weird and throwing away good friendships or that I do have a right to be upset?

No. 92482

>>92369
Never date a muslim, or anyone who is religious and expects their kids to be religious. That shit is trash and you dont need that kind of brainwashing

No. 92496

File: 1534652247581.jpg (206.84 KB, 1280x960, tumblr_p9u1rkUcoP1qkv3fno1_128…)

What's a good thing to say to embarrass a guy who's trying to neg me into liking him?

i've often been a magnet for these guys because they can fucking smell my low self esteem and aversion to conflict, but this one work acquaintance right now is going back and forth between subtlely hitting on me and being over-the-top critical of innocuous things i do and say. i'd love to finally take the opportunity to make one of these dudes feel like an awkward social reject for trying to pull this ugly shit so they're discouraged from trying it with other girls. their whole thing is using social pressure to get what they want so hopefully feeling ostracized works against them. i want to calmly say something that will

>make it clear that i know exactly what he's doing

>make him feel like the awkward freak for doing it and therefore
>not make me just seem like a crazy paranoid attention whore that he can easily turn it against

everything that i come up with sounds either autistic and wimpy or way too off the handle for a work setting. i know it's hard criteria but maybe someone has experience

No. 92497

File: 1534653179704.gif (1.34 MB, 480x270, D7069101-D8BB-4A5B-B5AB-C3F0E7…)

>>92496
I usually agree and amplify what they are saying or put on a teehee i’m a total airhead and what you’ve said has completely gone over my head and will not trigger a reaction from me, both i find work

No. 92499

>>92496
post a pic and i'll come up with insults

No. 92500

>>92497
thanks! for agreeing and amplifying, do you mean like in a self deprecating kind of way so they're backed into a corner and compelled to say that they didn't mean it like that, so that i can then ask them what exactly they did mean and blow up their spot?

No. 92501

>>92500
don't listen to that anon. playing dumb never works and is rarely funny. he won't get the bruised ego and he'll just do it again to someone else or will continue to use it on you. just neg him back

say he'd be cuter if he had a smaller forehead
or if he has a flat butt, say you only like guys with fat asses

No. 92517

Does anyone have advice on how to deal with rejection, especially from potential dates? I'm not just talking about explicit rejection but also things like ghosting or unenthusiastic texting behaviour.

Every time a guy does not seem to want to see me again after a date or a hookup it's such a huge blow to my self-esteem, even if I wasn't really into him myself. It impacts me to a point where I can't really function properly for a couple of days or even weeks. I always start over-analyzing everything I did or said during the date to find the reasons why he wasn't feeling me. It's like I just can't deal with the thought of someone not being interested in me?! Which I know is ridiculous.

What makes things even worse is that I have a tendency to not accept the rejection (unless the guy explicitly told me he's not interested) and to chase after guys to convince them how great I am. Which never ever works out, and it just ends with me being ghosted over and over again.

How can I deal with this more confidently?

No. 92524

>>92517
Most men ain't shit, their opinion of you is worthless. Most guys now want rich mommy escort and unless you tick all the boxes they will find dumb reasons to reject you. Meanwhile they stay single forever.

Stop giving them freebies via hook ups. They treat single women like free prostitutes. Go on dates and provide company only, don't listen to any garbage they tell you about how perfect you are, what a match you are, how beautiful you are. Words are cheap and talking women into bed for free is a game to them. It's normal to feel bad when someone has scammed sex and attention from you. Just treat them as friend only and steer away from anyone moving too fast (want your phone number the day you meet online or irl) or seems really keen. Men aren't that interested in us: Don't fall for it.

ALSO: If this is a game, you win by reigning in your reaction. They know what they did was hurtful. If you ignore them and don't chase after or seem upset, you won.

No. 92564


No. 92581

>>92564
You answered your own question, you need to be more direct. He sounds a bit dense and I don’t get the impression he’s going to be direct with you. Either you need to approach him bluntly and brace yourself for rejection or just give up because he probably won’t be bothered either way. And if he really gives a fuck, he’ll seek you out and continue a friendship even if you left with no notice. Raise your standards and prioritize yourself, anon

No. 93353

Please help

I've got two scabs on my scalp that I've picked every day for over a year. I need to stop. The problem is when the scabs dry they are sharp and hard to not touch or pick. Will they ever heal properly and stop being jagged?

No. 93365

Met this guy, went on two dates, and we vibe pretty well.

He disclosed to me that he usually doesn't have success on the dating app we met on, so I'm not sure how desperate he is vs. how much he is actually into me.

For a dating app dude, he remembers some of the shit I've said, and hasn't sent me a dick pic or asked to fugg or anything. He has hinted at going over to his place for basically "netflix and chill", but doesn't bring it up after I give a lukewarm response. All in all, I'm open for a more casual relationship, MAYBE a more monogamous fwb situationship, but I don't want to be ghosted after one fuck, is basically my problem. I also don't want to wait too long and end in something way more long-term…

No. 93387

How do I stop crushing on my manager? He’s tall, handsome, funny, charismatic, but mostly kind. Like OTT kind. Genuinely helpful and goes out of his way for everyone. I can’t just avoid him because I go to him with work related questions and he checks how I’m doing throughout the day. I have no intention of actually getting with him and don’t want to flirt, but last night I had a dream about him and decided enoughs enough lol

No. 93388

>>93353
put some cream on the scab and reapply as often as you can

No. 93397

File: 1535385304858.jpg (244.02 KB, 1920x1080, 1-407.jpg)

Are there any careers for not very intelligent people? My previous two degrees were a disaster because I kept failing modules and having to repeat exams. I could peruse a career in translation or IT but I really don't feel able for either of those after my experiences with them in college. I keep hearing people saying they want a "challenging" or "exciting" career but honestly I just want something that's comfortable, not very stressful and repetitive.

No. 93402

>>93388
that's not going to help her.

>>93353 anon you should probably talk to someone about your scab picking problem.

No. 93417

File: 1535412170203.jpg (40.81 KB, 381x254, surejan.w529.h352.jpg)

How do you outdo a girl who is always trying to outdo you?

I'm talking about the kind of girl who is fiercely competetive, if you get close to someone, guaranteed she'll try and get close to them too. Upload something like a photo that gets a lot of people's approval? She'll upload one in the exact same filter and pose and try to outdo yours. She gets visibly angry whenever our mutual friends give me any kind of attention or validaion and ends up pining on social media for it, but it is starting to annoy me that for whatever reason she is always like this and my inner bitch wants to show her that no matter what she does, she can't be me.

She's dyed her hair to match mine and will go out of her way to dress and even act like me which weirds me out.

Sorry if I sound mean, she's a very bitchy girl that acts nice to people for asspats and I'd love to just silently show her that she's no match and should stick to being herself.

She's also tried starting mean rumors about me that have backfired, but whatever it is, this girl really wants to drag me down and pretend she's the more angelic version of me or something. We are both 21 years old and I feel like we are in grade school.

How do you girls deal with bitches that do this and how do you remain above them while pissing them off because they can't replace you?

No. 93418

>>93417
i think she'll be her own downfall anon, people can smell inauthenticity like that a mile off.
look at this site for example, especially the mina/dasha thread.

but in similar situations, the way i dealt with it was going really hard on something in private and knocking unprepared competitors out of the water.
in uni for example, i did an arts degree and got pretty good as a painter. a girl who acted in very similar to yours towards me started borrowing from my work a lot and trying to beat my marks (saying as much). as well as being bitchy and spreading rumours behind my back. it's just jealousy.

anyway i knew what she was doing so i went really hard on the theory side of my work in private, since the painting was already natural to me and thoroughly thrashed her by surprise when it came to results day. i don't know how much this could apply to your situation but maybe there's something transferable in there.

No. 93420

>>93397
> I keep hearing people saying they want a "challenging" or "exciting" career but honestly I just want something that's comfortable, not very stressful and repetitive.

same tbh. i like knowing that i'll be able to do my job well every day and earn my pay, instead of hoping that i can pull it off. i'd rather keep challenging and exciting for my personal life and hobbies. the only reason i ever feel bad about doing easy jobs is just ego shit, like being self conscious about seeming like a loser or seeming dumb, but that's not really a good reason to pursue something.

a good place to start is to just decide basics about how you like to work. do you like sitting down all day or would you rather be on your feet? inside or outside? easy tasks that still require some brainpower, or purely physical/mechanical tasks where you can think about whatever? customer interfacing or behind the scenes? etc

No. 93421

>>93417
b-billie?


in all seriousness, if it were me i would want to fake her out to embarrass her and call her bluff. like pretend to buy some really expensive accessory (screenshot of a shopping page captioned "omg can't wait for this to arrive!"), pretend to get a tattoo by just posting lineart, pretend that you're going to go to some really lame or even fake event but hype it up to sound really fun. then if she does any of this bullshit and finds out you didn't follow through, she has no choice but to admit she was trying to copy you or she might be put off from doing it again.


if that's not your style, just remember that being direct and real is good ammo against fake passive people. if she says some exaggerated bs to make herself seem amazing, don't try to compete with her, just respond in a way that makes you sound grounded and normal. for example, let's say she says
"wow guys i went to like 10 parties and festivals this week it was so crazy!!!"
you say "wow really? you must really like to party. i'd never want to do that. i'd get sick of it after three."
if she's like "i'm not an angry person uwu. i'm so nice", casually mention that you're usually pretty grumpy in the morning. if she gushes insincerely about something she copied from you, be a little snobby like "yeah it's cool but it used to be a lot better" or something


the key is to counter her asskissing and fakeness with a little negativity and realism. it'll subconsciously make her feel like she's trying too hard and that you're the authentic one because you have varied, nuanced opinions where she only has opinions meant to impress. she wants you to try to be fake so she can beat you at being the fakest and the best.

No. 93422

>>93418

Congrats on your good results and it must have felt nice to surprise her like that, thank you for your advice, I'm going to remember this


>>93421

You're savage, I like you.

I've never thought of approaching it this way. She'll copy and try to outdo really particular things about me, like how I dress or do makeup, how I act, which friends I am closest to, she'll focus on them and throw tantrums if those friends are close to me, she'll guilt trip them. I can feel her checking my social media because as soon as a selfie of mine gets attention she'll recycle the same photo every few days to try and get more likes, petty stuff that makes me laugh a little but is still annoying and weird.

Brb, going to pretend to dye my hair green. I hate the fake uwu stuff you mentioned, you guessed right because she is one of those fake uwu types. Thanks anon, I want to rile her up without being as bitchy as her after all of the times she's done things out of spite.

No. 93430

I'm booking an appointment online for a hair stylist and am wondering if it's stupid to mention that I'm shy and not very talkative. Has anyone else done similar? And also, how much should I expect an Olaplex treatment to go for?

No. 93431

>>93430
There’s no harm in politely asking for a quiet haircut. Hairdressers are trained to build a rapport with you but if you’re more comfortable with quiet, they will almost always accommodate that.

No. 93434

>>93430
if i was a hairdresser i'd be relieved. even extroverted people get burnt out of trying to come up with constant small talk for strangers while also focusing on doing the actual haircut

No. 93579

There's a guy I like, he's an ex-coworker. I found his facebook by looking him up online, but he isn't using his real name. I kind of want to talk to him, make small talk on fb and know what he is up to, but wouldn't that be weird or awkward if I start a conversation out of nowhere from his point of view? I don't use fb very often so I don't know about the etiquette on fb compared to other social media.

No. 93582

>>93579
I think you could pull off sounding nonchalant about the whole thing. Like, just pretend you stumbled upon his facebook somehow and it's a happy surprise to see him again.

No. 93592

>>93582
this.

>>93579
just pretend it popped up in "people you may know" and you recognized his picture or something.

No. 93597

I'm really sick, ironically from my abusive job overworking me.

However, if I need to call in sick tomorrow, I know I will be in trouble but I find this unfair because they counted time I had to take off for my father's funeral as sick days.

Sometimes I'm going to be ill but I know I'll get in trouble when I return. At the same time I feel like shit and am really not physically feeling up to scratch.

I am quitting in a couple months, should I just put my health first and take the hit?

No. 93599

>>93597
depending on where you live, i'd look into bereavement laws, because where i live it's illegal to do that.

No. 93602

>>93599

I'm quitting in two months or so, so I plan to sort that when I'm finally free. I feel unsafe doing it while still employed here.

I feel that, if I am ill, I am ill and should stay home and rest but that's not how they always see things. I guess sometimes you have to put yourself first.

No. 93610

>>93582
>>93592
I have ways of pretending I found him without looking for his profile, I think that won't be a problem. But it has been months since I saw him and it might seem weird that suddenly I'm starting a conversation months after he quit his job. Anyway, I sent him a message,tried to look casual about it by basically just asking something like "what's up, it's been a while :)", we'll see if he even notices or answers.

No. 93707

>>93610
Update: he didn't even see my message. I guess it was filtered by messenger because something like this happened to me multiple times, when some I was expecting messages from people who aren't my mutuals(?) but who were in groups with me and I never received a notification despite getting messages after all. That's awkward, I don't know what I should do now.

No. 93721

>>93707
Did you send him a friend request and did he accept it? If not then the chances are he didn't get a notification for it and will only see it if he goes to his message request tab.

No. 93756

>>93721
No I didn't, I thought he would get a notification but I'm sure he didn't after all. Now that you mentioned it I just did, let's see how it goes.

No. 94450

How do you deal with imposter syndrome? I had a terribly abusive background and recently an ex of mine set it off by choosing to blame me for his history of hurting me, making me go back into my regular thoughts of how I must be terrible.

My friends always tell me that I am kind, strong, someone they trust, but I get these horrible thoughts that I'm actually a horrible human being and that I've somehow convinced them I'm good. That I only had a bad background and got abused by my own fault. That I'm crazy. It's killing me, am I insane?

I have evidence of the ex and their terrible treatment of me and others but they've told me I imagined all of it and that it's all me.

No. 94452

>>94450
I think it would be good to remember that being horrible or good are reflective of your actions and intentions. Your inner self/ego/personality can't be inherently permanently good or horrible. "good person" and "horrible person" are way too static and simplistic to accurately represent a complex, adaptable soul. You're capable of making mistakes and acting selfishly and cruelly like anyone is, and you're also capable of behaving thoughtfully and compassionately. Other than your actions and your intentions, there's no magic quality of your inner self that's horrible or pure. It's just neutral, dormant, waiting for your next decision. BUT,if most of the reasonable people in your life agree that you're kind and trustworthy, you're probably as close to a "good person" as a flawed human being can get.

No. 94488

Whenever I ask my bf to do something with me he will refuse, but not only refuse, he’ll drum it into my head that it’s an absolutely stupid idea and he would never want to do that with me. (I’m not asking anything crazy, things like hikes/walks, going to theme parks, etc.)
Yet I know for a fact if one of his friends asked him to do these things with them he would jump straight in the car and go.

Wtf do I do? I’ve tried bringing this up but he just says he is not interested and I should go do those things alone.

No. 94490

>>94488
You break up with him. Seriously, your partner should be your best friend first and you should always be each other's most important friend. You're not some kind of domestic servant and sex slave, so don't let him treat you like one.

No. 94493

File: 1536281752959.gif (436.03 KB, 210x131, tumblr_lyfei9J04K1r1cjia.gif)

I was half asleep and didn't close the door properly this morning and my boyfriend's brother walked in on me getting dressed. I was pretty much naked except for my panties. I'm super embarrassed and I have to see him later and I have no idea what to do.

No. 94499

>>94493
Eh don't fuss, it already happened. Accidents like that happen all the time and you live and let it go. He probably liked it anyway tbh lol. Ur good

No. 94593

I have this habit of clenching my top and bottom front teeth to see if they'll break. I don't want them to, I think it's an OCD thing. How do I stop? and how much pressure for them to actually crack so my sick mind stops?

No. 94657

There is this guy at work I really like. We talk quite a bit a work and have a laugh but it never goes any further than that. I never see him outside work (our hours are really ridiculous. No one who works there has a social life). I can't add him on facebook because his profile is set to friends of friends only. How do I get closer to him?

No. 94658

>>94493
Congratulations, you are now a fresh entry into his wankbank.

Him on some forum right now:
>I accidentally walked in on my brother's gf changing and she was buck naked and totally hot. Should I bang?
The replies:
>Man she did that on purpose, she wants you

Maybe you should say something to him loudly in front of your boyfriend, actually

No. 94659

>>94593
Since you're stuck with those teeth forever, this is a bad idea. You'll just chip bits off it and it'll look shit. They won't break; it's literal bone.
But try and work on your anxiety anon, that's the cause of this habit.

No. 94759

I already posted this before in vent although it didn't get any reply. I think the best answer for me is 'grow up and get over it'

Back in March I was falsely accused by some guy in Goth club that I insulted his son and he's a friend with club owner. (WTF I didn't know he had one) He was clearly trying to manipulate me and got very aggressive, talking over me when I try to open my mouth, so at the time I resorted to physical and slapped him. it ended up worse… The owner and him banned me and blocked me on Facebook immediately

My friends who was living in this city longer than me and frequent that club(I just moved in last year) told me that owner's social circle is cliquey and full of drama anyway and I wouldn't miss much.

I'd rather avoid them later now. Of course I was also wrong, physically assaulting someone is bad but it's the sole reason for ban I'd be ok. Looks like the guy may wanted me gone so he tried to make me act out and I just played into his game.

I was dumb. Still…

I've got an issue dealing with false accusation and I don't know how I can deal with it… It's an incoherency in my mind. Did I really insulted his son? would it be better to delude myself that I did something? They are not a threat anymore but it sucks.. wrong perception of me is out there. In their head and I've got no power over it.

Is false accusation common? What can I deal with it now?

Also he, and many elder goths there in the owner circle look like pure losers who act like they're still in high school and post loads of iamverybadass and iamverysmart worthy contents on fb.

No. 94771

>>94759
>I think the best answer for me is 'grow up and get over it'
Yeah, no shit. There's no need to post this same story 3 times, especially when it happened so long ago. I still can't even see the big deal… unless you see the guy all the time or desperately want to go to this club, who cares if he's talking shit? Just forget about it.

No. 94776

File: 1536562060515.jpg (118.97 KB, 500x488, tumblr_pbtefiVYiy1qenaf3o1_500…)

>>94759
i think what you're experiencing is a combination of social embarrassment and guilt, and you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. it's an awful feeling. it makes you nauseated and self loathing and you want the whole thing to just go away.
so ask yourself
did anyone actually get hurt?
who got hurt?
how did they get hurt?
do they still care/are they continually hurt by your action?
can you make it up to them or is it better for you to leave them alone?
i think if you answer the questions honestly and think about them you'll find out how much of this situation is guilt for hurting another person and how much is just that you're embarrassed about what it means for your reputation. whatever you decide, hopefully you'll come to some kind of conclusion and it'll be a lot better than just having this awful soup of guilt and shame where you can't even tell where your true feelings really lie

No. 94781

>>94759
Haven’t you been banging on about this for days in multiple threads now? Is there literally no place to get attention other than anonymously reposting rants about non issues? How are you so insecure?

No. 94789

>>94776

When I think about it.. there's more component of social embarrassment than guilt. Do I hurt them? Yes, but I don't see that they got hurted so much that I should feel guilty. It's partly self defense to begin with and I feel like they're being unreasonable.

Really I don't think I can made anything up even in best case scenario, because that at least requires me to 'admit' doing something I didn't and I don't like them enough to lie for sympathy.

I want to win but there's no way of winning this.

>>94771
>>94781

I don't even want to be with that guy and I don't think I'm going to run into him often anyway.

Of course I'm acting like an attention seeking cow, but if it's not anon board I don't know where else I can get a reality check as psychological help.

No. 94791

>>94789
Stop caring so much about some old wankers at a goth club. There’s your reality check. Jfc next time when nobody cares the first two times you post, take the hint.

No. 94792

>>94789
you win by realizing that it's just ultimately petty ego shit and that it's just social embarrassment disguising itself as guilt. so you win by not caring anymore. you win by pretending that you didn't even realize it was a big deal, because it's not a big deal. avoid him and his club because you're not interested anyway, and if you end up talking to him again, just casually apologize for slapping him and nothing else. say you were being a stupid immature kid. if he tries to guilt you for more than that, scoff and make him feel like the weird one. like it's weird that he would even bring that convoluted shit up.

No. 94837

File: 1536612281976.jpeg (109.78 KB, 483x621, F4679ED9-6404-43D6-B23A-F66BB9…)

I feel like a womanchild

I don’t know how to cook. Literally the only kitchen appliance I know how to use is a microwave. And I don’t know how to do my own laundry either.

I don’t really have a relationship with my mom and I guess over the years I never really learned how to do these things. How do I? Are there home management classes for dummies? Books? Pls no bully.

No. 94838

>>94837
I'm great with laundry but god fucking awful at cooking anon. Do you have any like, specific questions about laundry? It's super easy so I feel like you could easily get that sorted! Cooking however… I am complete retard with that

No. 94840

>>94837
I'm so bad at cooking and a picky eater. YouTube videos, and even following supermarket social media and their receipes is helping.

I'm pretty good at taking care of my clothes though. Wash darks and colours on 40 and whites on 60.

No. 94841

>>94837
no offence but what is there not to get with laundry? put dirty stuff in washer, add laundry detergent and softener and turn the washer on. if you want to be an anal bitch or like your clothes boiled, separate darks and lights. then hang up to dry or use dryer.
i have heard older people at my work complaining about their kids not knowing how to do their laundry and it always mystified me as it is literally the easiest shit in the world besides taking the bins out.

as for cooking, just google a recipe for something you want to eat and then follow the directions. start with like spag bol or omlette or something easy like that. if a particular recipe sucks try to think what could improve it - less/more seasonings, substitute one thing for another etc. a bit pricier than making stuff from scratch is using seasoning sachet recipes like schwartz or colman's but they are easy to make and usually taste alright.

No. 94843

On the topic of cooking, is anyone just really lazy to cook? Sometimes it’s not even laziness, it’s simply when I’m hungry I want food now. Preparing food that takes more than 30 minutes makes me feel weak and dizzy, especially standing near a hot stove. Waiting for the food to finish is nauseating. Especially for meals that take over an hour to prepare. My stomach acid starts to make me hangry. Then I have to stand around making sure the food cooks evenly or stir it or prepare the other half of the dish. Then there’s the feeling of being full and wanting to rest from a long day but there’s a pile of dishes waiting for me. It sounds exaggerated but I can’t seem to motivate myself to want to cook. It’s mainly because of my patience, and my body’s reaction to hunger. You could argue that I cook just cook sooner before I start to feel hungry but usually I don’t have the opportunity because I’m at work or school. By the time I get home, I’m exhausted and weak, and hungry. I feel guilty for wanting microwaveable TV dinners and cup noodles for convenience. What tf is wrong with me.

No. 94845

File: 1536616110888.jpg (66.36 KB, 1200x675, 129.jpg)

I'm so fucking depressed. I'm taking really interesting classes this semester but I'm so exhausted I can't bring myself to get up and go to them. I want to become better, get a better education, but I hate myself so much right now that all I can do is eat fast food and sleep. I can't even make any of the art I want to do. I'm in therapy and I'm on anti-depressants but they're not helping right now.

No. 94846

>>94843
>cook hotpot for 5 hours
>takes 8 minutes to eat dish
I don't cook because of this shit. I buy raw fruits and veggies or already made stuff like sandwiches at the grocer and live off that because after 8 hours of busting my ass at a hard labor job and being too old for mommy to cook for me, I just genuinely don't have the energy to cook at the end of the day. Time is another issue all on itself.

No. 94848

>>94846
Try cooking meals that are easily prep arable in 1-2 hours. Most pleb meals never exeed that time anyway. The hardest part of cooking is buying/measuring ingredients, but everything after is easy as hell. Sorry to hear about your job, that shit sucks ;~; Do you have any days off during the week? You could try taking a day to cook and meal prep for the rest of the week so that you're only cooking once a week.

No. 94849

Anyone actually managed to stop holding themselves to impossible standards? For example, I have this standard where anything less than an A is complete failure. I got an 85 on a lab assignment and the thought of dropping out of my class crossed my mind. I would never consider anyone else who got an 85 a failure. If my friend got an 85, I would tell them good job and genuinely mean it. Somehow stuff like this only applies to me, and I know that's ridiculous but I can't stop myself from feeling bad when I can't match the standard. Another thing is body image. I believe its possible for other people to be beautiful at higher weights but it would be impossible for me.

A lot of people just say, "You just have to realize that it doesn't matter that much! Just let it go, no need to be perfect!" but it doesn't seem that simple. I think its deeper rooted than that. If anyone here has genuinely managed to move into a healthier mindset with perfectionism I would love to hear it just to know that its possible. Are there any things I can begin telling myself repeatedly to tell myself that its okay to be imperfect?

No. 94850

>>94837
YouTube, libgen cookbooks.
Recipe books won’t teach you shit about the principles of cooking but, at the same time don’t crack open Larousse’s gastronomique and scare yourself off cooking.

Pick say five dishes you enjoy, and watch some videos about making them. Learn stuff like Maillard reactions, basic spice combos, knife skills, and mise en place and you’ll be golden.

If you want to bake, weight ingredients instead of using cups/spoons. Follow the recipe exactly until you get the basics.

No. 94855

>>89491
Might want to re-consider considering what's going on in the catholic church with priest abusing and molesting nuns and children and nuns killing children in their orphanages.

No. 94874

>>94849
> I would never consider anyone else who got an 85 a failure. If my friend got an 85, I would tell them good job and genuinely mean it.
If you're aware of this then you just need to keep repeating it to yourself until it sinks in. I tell myself similar things all the time, and I ask myself why I expect so much more from myself? If I feel shit because I'm not a 10/10 for example, is it because I want a 10/10 bf? Nah. Lots of attention? Not really. A career based on my looks? Def not. In the end I realized it's just greed… I want to be hot for the sake of it. It's not some pitiful tragic body dysphoria or insecurities, I'm just greedy and think I should get the best of certain things. Not saying the same is true of you, but for me personally it's a good reality check and stops me feeling sorry for myself. Fact is, we don't need to be perfect, other people don't expect us to be perfect, it's unfair and pointless to expect it of ourselves.

No. 94875

>>94849
this is going to sound fucked up but maybe you have a bit of an ego problem. you think of yourself as fundamentally different than other people. other people can get 85's or be chubby because they're not you. you need to be better than that, and when you're not, you feel terrible. it's not even necessarily a superiority complex, in some ways you think you're inferior. you can't "get away with" the same things Everybody Else can. you need to be perfect in order to justify your existence because you're not good enough without obvious signs of success and competence. they're fine as they are.

No. 95005

File: 1536766019070.jpeg (233.21 KB, 1234x1175, F811BAF5-8541-49ED-B7E6-65F04F…)

has anyone been reunited with a depressed partner or been in a mutual breakup and eventually gotten back together? i broke up with my live-in bf of about 3 years a couple of months ago. we were both very depressed and struggling really hard financially. we eventually both agreed that it was for the better, and that we were both interested in getting back together once we sorted ourselves out individually.

i started seeing a therapist to work on my mental health and decided to go back to school so i could get a better job to support myself financially. however, as far as i can tell, he hasn’t been doing much to “get better,” which, to me, indicates that maybe he isn’t as serious or interested in eventually getting back together in the end as he said he was. he has been pretty aloof since the breakup, which i understand, but it only adds fuel to the fire of me thinking that our relationship (platonic and romantic) is further dissipating and that he doesn’t actually want to get back together.

advice pls, anons. i don’t know if i’m holding out hope for no reason or if i’m working myself up over nothing.

No. 95008

>>95005
First things first Anon, good on you for taking the first steps to improving your situation and your relationship with yourself. Taking care of yourself is never a bad choice, however, my concern is (but please correct me if I'm wrong) that your primary motivation isn't to make things better for yourself but rather to be able to get back into a relationship with your ex. If you are working toward recovery it should be for you - everything else is secondary. If you are well then you are in the best position to be able to care for those you love and to do the things that you enjoy doing.

Your ex not moving forward or taking the steps to help himself says nothing about your worth as a person nor does it diminish the value he places on your relationship with him. All it really says is that he does not value himself enough to do what he needs to do to get better. The sad reality is that while no one chooses to become ill, it is entirely up to the individual to recover. It is his shit and not yours, just as your shit is your own.

Since you are seeing a therapist, I strongly suggest that you discuss this with them when you see them next. You have to know that you will be okay and that the work you are doing is worth it - regardless of whether or not the two of you end up getting back together. Just keep working as you have to this point. I am wishing you all the best and I really do hope that the conclusion of this chapter brings you your desired outcome. I can understand that this is a painful experience, but you will be okay.

You can do it!

No. 95087

File: 1536827434703.jpg (184.15 KB, 683x1024, 74th Annual Golden Globe Award…)

Posting here since I don't know if this is hair or makeup related.

After years of looking ugly and manly, but not knowing why, I've finally found the answer (thanks to you farmers lol).

I have the same forehead/skull as Gal Gadot. My face is really big, but my actual head not? From the side you see more face than hair. If I put it in a high ponytail if you look at me from the front you'll barely see any hair, it's like my forehead ends and then my hair goes straight back, but not up. My forehead also isn't rounded at all, but rather flat and backwards like a man's.
Also, my nose is rather big and with my forehead looking like this, it's the most prominent thing on my face. Bangs aren't an option because of it's size, I'd say.
I don't think any of my other features are particuarly ugly, my eyes are okay, lips a little small, jaw too square, but still rather normal. It's really my overall face and head shape that make me look so weird.
Whenever my friends used to test different hairstyles on me it always looked ugly, because from the front and even from the side barely any hair is visible, I'm all face.
Plus the kind of v or heart shaped hair line is even more prominent on myself, which als makes any hair parting look awkward.
Some time ago somebody posted a theory about angel and witch skulls on here and I must be the headmaster of all witches…

Is there anything I could do?

No. 95427

I'm a little bit scared of intrusive thoughts. They're really upsetting and things I'd never do, like thinking I could suddenly break something I treasure like throwing water on a laptop or ripping a bear's head off, things that all upset me and I'd never actually do. These thoughts then make me terrified I WILL end up doing them. It gets me really sad and down. Do other people get these? why?

No. 95428

>>95427

I can relate. For me it's usually self harm stuff like wanting to cut my fingers when I'm chopping vegetables or jump off a bridge if I'm walking down one. Though I have gotten the feeling about breaking stuff before. I was told by a doctor that this is fairly common to some degree and can be a symptom of OCD. I ended up switching meds and that helped a lot. It still happens from time to time and the frequency is a lot less. One thing that helped me in the moment is to honestly tell myself that I would never do whatever awful thing I was thinking about and then immediately move on with my day. I know it sucks to feel uncomfortable in your own head and a thought is just a thought. I'm sorry you're going through this anon.

No. 95429

>>95428

Thank you anon. It's really scaring me. I'll sort of test it. Like for example pulling a fingernail out, I'll press til it hurts then stop. I've held my bear and I'd be upset and never rip its head off but I've ended up making sure it's sewn on tight. It freaks me out I check these things.

No. 95519

File: 1537231158096.png (12.66 KB, 300x250, qARM1fOPxx-8.png)

Do you gals think spending a few hundred on a spa package for a coworker on her bday is excessive and crazy? Just to clarify, I'm pretty close with this woman. She's like my second mom and is genuinely such a real, hardworking, honest person. I even feel like she's changed my perspective on life a little as she is always so energetic and positive.
I always save my money and don't really care about spending it on myself to boot. Should I tone it down and go for something like an amazon gift card? I've never been at a job where I was close enough to a coworker to want to gift something to them.

No. 95521

>>95087
I have the same forehead/brow thing going on as Gal. I have bangs (somewhere between straight and wispy) and it gives my forehead a straighter look which helps with feminizing my face as a whole. Maybe buy some clip in bangs and try it out.

No. 95523

>>95519
Do you think your coworker would feel uncomfortable receiving the gift? She might feel like she has to reciprocate with a gift of similar dollar value for your bday or for the holidays, so if she's not in the same economic situation as you are it might be uncomfortable for her

No. 95525

>>95519
That's really a pretty expensive present no matter how much she deserves it, it'd be reasonable from family members and maybe BFFs but I can't really tell how close 'pretty close' is. If you spend time together outside work it might not be anything weird.

Or can you make it a group present with your coworkers, maybe contribute more if you don't think they'd want to spend an equal amount? That happens in a lot of offices I've worked in, it's less pressure on the person because it's just a little from everyone instead of a lot from one person.

No. 95527

My best friend of five years came out to me as a transwoman a few months ago. They were always gay and feminine and based on how much traction MtF got in our field, I expected this to happen. What bugs me is that they are constantly talking about how deathly scary it is coming out to people and getting dysphoric while expecting me to be mortified and a hugbox. I understand they're in a difficult position and why they would be scared, but coming out is not something incredibly brave, and feeling dysphoric isn't a sin against their humanity. They also make odd, objectifying comments about things like how fun it is to get their chest oogled, and think throwing in a disclaimer about how it'll probably get annoying quickly makes it okay. Everything and everyone exists to validate their gender. It's emotionally exhausting and it's getting to the point where I'm avoiding seeing them.

I don't even care that they're trans, I just want to stop hearing about it and having them expect an emotional reaction. I have no idea how to approach them about it. Any criticism will make them "incredibly dysphoric" and I'll be labelled an evil TERF. Should I just muscle through? Is there any way I could approach the subject?

No. 95530

File: 1537259389104.jpg (68.83 KB, 640x640, 120b2e66084b84f38861240ddcf8d3…)

>>95521
Like this korean style bangs?
My problem is, that I've go a fairly big nose (slim from the front, but large from the side), so I'm not sure if that wouldn't make it look worse.

No. 95533

>>95527
unfortunately this will only get worse. every trans person i know just ends up being like every anorexic person i know, it's an obsession. you probably just have to drop them honestly. the more he starts feeling like he looks like a woman, the worse it will get, they need everyone's validation because surgery and hormones can't change their disordered mind.

No. 95539

File: 1537273752473.jpeg (33.06 KB, 568x740, C873A697-B8EC-4E95-ABBD-C270B1…)

>>95530
Oh wow, I didn’t know there was a name for it lol. Yes, bangs like that. My nose is also similar to how you describe it but I wear glasses which kind of hides it so I don’t worry about it too much.
I try to think of my nose as ~regal~ and elegant in that sense which makes me feel better about it. I used to wish for a button nose but I know it wouldn’t blend well with my features and lifes too short to hate my nose when I’m healthy/able bodied/smart/etc. Try checking out some women you find pretty who have big noses as inspiration.
I’d say just try the clip in bangs to get a sense for it. Also feel free to ask some higher end hairdressers. They usually take into account peoples features and what’ll look flattering on them.

No. 95562

>>95539
More pictures of pretty girls with larger noses? I love seeing them aswell

No. 95595

File: 1537309849821.png (1.4 MB, 2306x1294, 1498110806440.png)

How does one summarize properly, without literally just coying the whole text again? I have to write a really important test which I'm absolutely not allowed to fail, so I'm very scared of missing important information.

Also, because I have to be on the computer/write all day my wrist hurts so much.
Is there something one can do?

No. 95598

>>95595
*copying

No. 95616

>>95595

i try to read the section (if you're reading a textbook like i'm assuming you are) without writing anything down and then think back on what i just read. the most important things are usually the things that i recall about the section. then i try to write about what i remember in my own words and then go back and make sure i didn't write any incorrect info. as i'm reading back i can add in other things i didn't remember. it's probably best to do this with smaller sections (like half a page or less) so you're less likely to forget important stuff as you keep reading. this is just how i like to summarize without copying, hope it helps

No. 95638

>>95616
I should have clarified that, it's not a textbook, but power point presentations our professor gave us. So most of it is already in key points or in diagrams, but the whole things adds up to more than 1000 pages, so I can't really just learn everything word by word.

No. 95666

File: 1537386748823.gif (2.13 MB, 400x267, 1435273897378.gif)

How do I talk to people? I'm always having such a hard time coming up with things to say in a group setting, whether it be with a group of friends or my boyfriend's friends/family. I never have anything interesting to say or add to the conversations and I just feel dumb as hell. Do you guys have any tips…

No. 95671

>>95666
Ask questions and listen well. People love talking about themselves.

No. 95735

>>95666
Iktf. Most of the time I just enjoy listening and sometimes when someone says something, I genuinely don't have any sort of response running through my mind which kills the convo, not even questions.

No. 95750

When it seems like every other guy is playing games and not being honest or even being emotionally mature enough to be honest about their intentions, how do you stay polite and honest when it just seems to be rejection and pain? I’m always tempted when a fuckboy asks me back in their life to fuck them and ghost but that’s the shit they pull. I want to be a nice person but it’s so hard to stay true to that when you become defensive and bitter that every guy is gonna use you.

No. 95751

>>95666
Honestly have a few versatile or “normie” interests (don’t have to be normie) and keep up with current events. You’ll sound educated and interesting or if you have a serious hobby even if it’s crochet people will think that’s reallly cool. There’s an art to having conversation sure but you better make sure you’re interesting enough for people to want to have a conversation with you!

No. 96754

How would you deal with a rather toxic person who's hoping to remove you from a friendship circle by spreading bad rumors about you?

I can't outwardly explain this to the others but a few of us outside of the circle know it's because she was jealous of her partner and me being friends and has insecurity issues. Do I just be myself and not rise to her bait? A few of us are finding her really extreme but I don't want to be mean to her about it or fight with her.

No. 97230

Any advice on how to stop self-harming? I'm typically pretty good at coping with my poor mental health and shitty life circumstances, but this is my one outlet. I need to stop because I'm getting graduating uni soon, applying for real jobs, and have started to scare my bf (relapsed after we had been dating awhile). I wouldn't stop if I didn't think it's a detriment to my future, so obviously I'm not suicidal or anything. It's just a release, and a compulsion, and I'm not sure how to stop. It's been like 10 years now, and it just seems to get worse with time.

No. 97264

I hit on a guy, we went out twice, haven't heard from him since. Fast forward 3 months, I'll see him again tomorrow. I'm kind of nervous and although nothing happened, I feel stupid for showing interest in him. How can I just pretend not to care? What can I tell myself to be calm inside and really not care that much?

No. 97266

>>97230
I started exercising to cope with it, nothing that would hurt me but being sore gave me a similar satisfaction.
Other than that you can use sharpies or ice

No. 97272

>>97230
>>97266
Second this, not only does it create pain but it uses up pent up energy as well. I've found lifting has helped my rage issues too.

The compulsive part is a bit more difficult. It's really a matter of replacing the ha it with another (like exercising, or one of the other methods anon mentioned).
I've also heard from a friend that snapping yourself with a rubber band can help you wean off of SH if you're unable to make a jump right away.

No. 97279

>>97230
I personally made a promise to my girlfriend that I'll stop.
Every time that I try to do it again, I think that I will be hurting her more than I hurt myself and it helps.
But I understand it's not as easy as I make it sound.

When it gets especially unbearable, I draw on my skin with a marker or a pen, seeing something in place of wounds helps somewhat.
You can just look into different distraction techniques like excercise or snapping a wristband or using ice on skin, something must work for you.

No. 97335

File: 1538482466515.png (50.58 KB, 234x234, dhdhdhd.PNG)

how do I get better at math? It's embarrassing that I'm an adult now and I struggle with it. In high school I was alright at it, and at one point I was even offered a spot in a higher class, but towards the end after I have a massive spiral into depression, I moved into math for retarded kids basically, which wasn't all bad because I adored the teacher, and I felt that I was learning everything specific that I wanted to learn, I was getting As and was offered a spot back in regular math but I chose not to (yeah, stupid decision, I know). I just get really stressed with numbers now, and I feel so fucking dumb and I hate myself for it. Is there really any way to improve? My boyfriend is extremely good at maths, and I hope he never finds out that I am basically innumerate, I feel like he'd dump me because of it. Is there any saving me?

No. 97351

>>97335
khanacademy.

No. 97353

>>97335
Seconding the other anon, Khan Academy is a great resource to learn math (and a lot of other things too!).
Also, don't feel ashamed of yourself. You're not dumb or lesser than anyone just because you didn't have the same opportunities as others. It's not your fault that your depression affected your performance at school. The fact that you're even willing to try and learn more as an adult speaks volumes about the kind of person you are, and I'm sure your boyfriend would understand and respect that. Good luck anon!

No. 97359

>>97351
>>97353
thank you, really. This made me feel really hopeful and motivated.. thank you anon. I really appreciate these kind words, you are very lovely <3

No. 97385

>>97335
I know exactly how you feel anon. I have mathematics disorder and confronting any sort of math equation gives me an automatic stress reaction. I was allowed to substitute my algebra class with a non-math class because of this so maybe you could do something similar. Fuuuuuuck math.

No. 97394

>>97385
wait this is a fucking thing? this was me in hs i would honestly hyperventilate and go blank for every math test but i thought it was all because of muh high academic standards

No. 97395

>>97394
It's called dyspraxia iirc

No. 97542

>>97394
>>97395

Purely maths related is called discalculia, I'm another math retarded anon, Maths literally gave me panic and migraines beyond all belief but everyone assumed it just wasn't my "thing". Fuck maths so bad

No. 97549

>>97542
Yeah, dyscalculia. It’s a bitch. Basically dyslexia for numbers.

No. 97578

Dont know if going to art school is the real calling in life for me…will i be happy? yes but i dont want to end up hating my work at the end of the day cuz its not what im looking for and they dont teach the technique that i want to learn,am i too stubborn? Why do i always let this put me down…i should just go to artchitecture school and be a graphic designer like everybody else in my country

No. 97579

>>97578
Probably not much point going to art school if you’re not willing to learn the techniques and styles they teach. If you only want to do your own style of art, keep it as a hobby and get a career.

No. 97581

>>97579
Thanks for your advice but i think i wont keep it as a hobby…at least for now~ i am planning to practice at the same time while studying for my lingustic major.Prolly work as a translator for a year or two then switch compeltely to art cuz i already got a decent following on social media

No. 97582

>>97581
Whatever floats your boat. Imo you’d get better art results if you accepted the advice of experts and tutors tho.
Style can’t make up for anatomy or proportion.

No. 97583

>>97581
This reads like something I'd write and then look back on two years later and wonder wtf I was talking about. I recommend trying a low-stakes art course for a year or less. If you hate it you have your answer.

No. 97584

>>97583
>>97582
Alright,guess ill have to think this more thoroughly and get my shit toghether before i regret it.Appreciate yall

No. 97695

Even though my ex and me have been broken up a while I'm still incredibly attached to a bear he gave me once, I have no intentions to give the bear away, is this ok and normal? it's such a cute bear and the idea of any harm ever happening to it upsets me.

No. 97717

>>97695
I still sleep with a bear an ex gave me years ago. Don't care for the ex, but the bear is cute. If it doesn't bring up bad memories or something, does it matter? No need to punish the bear for a lame ex.

No. 97721

>>97695
No, it's not weird. I have gifts my ex gave me and still look at them fondly. My current bf doesn't care, as he has gifts from his ex too.
As long as the feelings are a good memory and not negative, it's fine. Also as long as you don't actively miss your ex through the object, it's okay.

No. 97775

File: 1539007615676.png (869.31 KB, 986x797, 1530400368994.png)

I just started a new job, I haven't worked for years (since I was really young), and I just got into a new relationship which keeps me super happy. My partner lives an hour away so it's hard for us to hang out, and my shifts have different time frames. I can't seem to catch a break to visit him. I haven't seen my psychologist for a long time and it's killing me. I desperately want to study at uni but this job is taking everything I have. I can't handle this stress out of nowhere, and my bf is the only thing keeping happy, so if I'm unable to see him to relax from this stress then I know I'm going to spiral back into bad depression. I have no one to talk to about this, I don't even know if there is advice for this.

No. 97781

Advice on sex with men? I've only ever slept with women even though I'm bi. The furthest I've gotten with a dude is like giving head. I'm a fatty and it never bothered me when getting intimate with women but for some reason I'm super paranoid that a man will be disgusted by me naked. I've gotten close with a guy friend of mine & I want to have sex with him. I just can't shake this feeling that its all gonna go to shit when we get down & dirty cause I'm fat. How do I get over it?

No. 97789

How do you find a hobby that takes you outside of the house?

I'm introverted but hardly get any alone time at home. Whenever I try to do my own thing I get guilt-tripped into doing whatever everyone else wants to do, or interrupted so much that I can't even enjoy what I'm trying to do. I do like the outdoors, but I live in a shitty state where it sucks to do anything outside. What can I do to get me out of the house a couple of times a week and away from everyone?

No. 97790

>>97781
A lot of guys have a thing for chubby girls, not even kidding.
If he agrees to sleep with you and isn't a total fuckboy or weird autist type, he's most likely into it. I'm sure he knowsby now that you're chubby lmao. It's hard to hide.

No. 97791

>>97781
Lose weight if it's making you insecure. But trust me, men will fuck anything that moves.

No. 97793

>>97789
Maybe going to the gym? Or honestly one thing I really like to do is go to a library/bookstore/coffee shop to read a book or do some work on my laptop, not really a "hobby" but it gets me out of the house and feeling productive while having some peace and quiet from my family.

No. 97833

How do you fall back in love with a long term s/o? I want to be with my boyfriend because I like who he is, but the romantic feelings have been fading for a while. We’ve started going on dates more regularly which helps but I’m open to more suggestions if anyone has them.

No. 97846

>>97833
Do novel things other than dates. Go somewhere you haven't been. Do new activities. Compliment him frequently on the things you like/love/appreciate about him, but make sure it's genuine.

No. 97917

File: 1539120276934.jpg (75.43 KB, 958x899, C7xz5C5XkAE19Mt.jpg)

I'm planning on quitting my job in a month or two, the only problem is I need to tell one particular coworker ahead of this.

I've had a crush on him for the longest time and I believe he has one on me too, but doesn't always know how to handle it because he gets shy. He admits he is terrible at messaging, so if I message he'll talk the next day at work about it and want to talk lots in person. He says he wants to get better at messaging for me in particular.

I need to tell him that obviously once I've quit he won't be able to do that anymore, how do I make it clear to him that I want to continue to see him outside of work but that he will probably have to overcome his anxiety of messaging as it'll be the only way to even arrange to meet up after this?

When we do meet up outside of work we talk all the way into the night and he is an absolute sweetie.

I really, really like him and want us to get closer even after I've left. What should I do and how do I approach it? I'm thinking meet outside of work for our usual drink and just be honest with him about it and tell him that I'm concerned about it?

He is notoriously stoic to nearly everyone we work with but I've seen him get softer and softer around me with feelings and honesty so should I trust I can just be direct and say "hey, I want to keep seeing you, but it'll mean having to be a bit better with messaging"?

No. 97946

>>97917
You've got the right idea but you might want to softball it.

It sounds like maybe he's a little socially anxious and guys like that can shut down and give up on you really easy if they think they've dropped the spaghetti. The fragile macho ego can't take even a tiny embarrassment, maybe that's why he's made of stone around everyone else.

That could be the problem with the texting as well, poor boy doesn't get like, instant feedback on what he says like face-to-face so he's convinced it was the wrong thing and just stews in his own humiliation until you happen to be available to look at your phone again lol

No. 97947

>>97946
wtf are you talking about?

No. 97963

>>97947
It seems quite clear. She accurately assessed what a very shy-low confidence guy acts like. I've met a lot of them and they act exactly like that (including the second guessing about messages)

He might just be stoic and not shy/socially anxious. But I think anon will be ok, based on what she wrote anyway.

No. 97967

File: 1539158115159.jpg (111.13 KB, 1017x833, 1432850907414.jpg)

Please halp. How do I cope with/deprogram myself from being sexually used, groomed online from a young age and years of exposure to porn?

I don't want to have sex anymore. Not on these terms. I used to think the feeling of deep pain/anxiety in the pit of my stomach meant being turned on and went on to do things I absolutely didn't like, starting from the age of 14. I also "dated" two men: one at 16-18 and one at 19-20, that were textbook abusers who watched too much porn. I allowed them to fuck my ass even though it hurt me several times and put me at risk. I allowed first one to start without a condom many times because I stopped "nagging" him and didn't have time to prevent him.

This has shaped my sexuality so much that I no longer know what genuinely turns me on, or what feels good, because all I do when my clothes come off is slip into this submissive role of trying desperately to be "good enough". It took years to even allow myself to orgasm while not thinking about how my face would look from below. (Yes, I'm ugly and insecure and was bullied by men growing up, yada yada.)

TL;DR: I'm fucked up sexually and I just want to forget all this. It's not me. I don't want it. Still, it's all I've ever known.

So how would I go about reprogramming myself? I've never talked about this to a therapist. Do I just stay celibate for a while and figure myself out on my own terms? Date around? Will the feelings of shame dissipate?

No. 97968

>>97967
>Do I just stay celibate for a while and figure myself out on my own terms?
Imo taking a break from sex is a good idea, you could take some time to create positive associations with sex without the risk/unpredictability of actually being with someone else. I imagine loving sex with someone you trust is an important part of the healing process but it would be hard to guarantee that, so rushing into it might not be the best idea.

I haven't gone through trauma or sexual abuse myself (so my official recommendation is a therapist), but my early sexual experiences also involved trying to be good enough via submissiveness. I pretty much just assumed I was submissive without ever thinking about it because that's what people expect of women. I quit sex (and social media) in my early 20s and since then I've basically restored my self esteem/self respect, strengthened my boundaries, and figured out what I actually find attractive in men and arousing in bed (surprise surprise, it's not being a fucking sub). It's hard to pinpoint exactly what helped me, but I'd say talking to likeminded women, thinking of things from a feminist perspective, focusing on hobbies instead of dating, learning to survive without male attention/validation and indulging in m/m shipping to get some distance from gender roles helped. Basically putting men and their desires at the very bottom of my list of priorities and making it all about me instead.

No. 97969

>>97968
Thank you so much. All the things you've mentioned have been in the back of my head as goals. Sucks that I barely have female friends, but that still doesn't mean I have to live for male validation.

I need to reconnect with my hobbies and myself. Maybe therapist would be good but I've been to one a lot for other issues and I feel more like moving forward. Social media really fucks you up due to how pornified and vacuous it is, doesn't it?

No. 97971

>>97963

To add some context, he has admitted to me over time that he has low confidence and is socially awkward, and has expressed how he wants to get better at these things as he will go a day or two without checking social media and he tends to read without replying to everyone. I say I worry about this but he has started to make some effort with it in the last year, it's just it takes a lot of courage from him and I need to make it clear to him that once I quit he can't really do the coming-into-work-next-day-to-discuss-it thing we do

When I say he's stoic he looks quite frowny and he can be cold, but over time when you get to know him better he's very warm and kind, he looks out for me all the time and he'll do everything he can in his own awkward but sweet way to make me smile or make my work day easier. I really like him even though I know it's difficult and takes time with this kind of person.

No. 97987

i'm having a bit of trouble deciding what to do for school, and by extension my career and my life. i'm studying 3D animation, it's not my passion and is pretty tedious (i knew it wouldn't be easy work, but i'm a 2D gal at heart) but i figured any kind of artistic job would be better than none. after taking a break from school, however, i'm having some big doubts. the instructors emphasize that to succeed in your 3D animation career, you have to be really passionate and dedicated. i thought i could learn to love it, but i'm not enjoying myself very much. 3D modeling is kinda fun, but i'm nervous. the school also has a Web Design program that i'm thinking about switching to. i love making art, so having some graphic design skills and the knowledge to make my own online shop seems more helpful to me. i also really enjoy using photoshop, image manipulation is genuinely fun to me. thoughts?

No. 97990

>>97987

I think you already have an answer for your question. Seems like you want to switch to web design. If you really think you'd be happier there, you should do it imo. You've made some plans about it too. I'm not familiar with these majors, so I don't know about which has better career options. But, you say you don't have the passion for 3D, so you may not be successful at it. So, I say you should switch majors.

No. 97995

Web design is a lot less design than you might think. There is a lot of information architecture, typography, and some basic mark-up coding as well. I'm not sure what school you're at or the program, but I doubt they will teach you back-end coding (which you will need to make your own shop).

If you just want to open up an online shop to sell your art, you're better off using a service that already exists. (not only because it's easier, but also because there are more potential customers already on the platform).

If you really want to use photoshop, then I'd say go into book/magazine or tv/film advertisement design, and work your ass off to get good. (which means not just doing instructor assignments, but learning on your own online, doing passion projects, etc.) You're going to need to know how to composite and retouch, which afaik, no physical schools teach adequately. They usually just cover the basics, so you might want to invest in online courses.

If you just want a career field that's not too difficult to get into but still creative, go UI/UX design. Fairly in-demand these days, but it's more about information architecture than actual design. Basically, designing the layouts of apps and things.

Whatever path you choose to go down, do your very best. Don't put yourself into massive debt just because you feel you need a degree. There are many people with degrees that are worthless - not because the field itself can't generate income, but because they didn't put their all into it. School is helpful for opening your eyes to different possibilities, and for building connections; but school is not going to teach you everything you need to know to actually do a job. Most companies know this, which is why they all require x amount of years for their lowest positions. Few creative companies hire fresh grads that they're not just looking to exploit. Most people get in through connections, so if you're not busting your ass to get good, you better be busting your ass to befriend everybody in the building. But if you can go the extra mile and teach yourself it will pay off, because fortunately for creatives, you can show off a portfolio. In the end if you've got the skills, you'll find work. Good luck, anon.

No. 98005

>>97987
>>97995
I'm a programmer with a close proximity to UI/UX design (or "web design") and I often have talks with the designers how people think web design is simply "pretty pictures". It's plenty more than that though, it's a lot closer to product design and psychology than graphic design, which is more about illustration and visual design. Having a good eye for details, colors, typography and aesthetic is a great thing to have of course, and artist anon can make good use of it. But web design also requires you to think over things like
>How it can be done from a technical viewpoint (the code that will be rendering your design)
>How the action pattern can be easily picked up by the user
>How the design will react to interaction
>How the design will send feedback to the user in an intuitive way
>How the design will be displayed on multiple platforms and how it will make use of the limited space it has on the screen
>How it will be the most appealing to the target demographic
>How will you design a desired feature later into an already-made design
>How your design can be advanced in the future
etc. You don't necessarily have to code but a basic understanding of how a website works code-wise is essential. You pick up fast though and web design is fun if you keep an open mind about it, there's an art to making the user have the best experience too.

No. 98006

File: 1539206224445.gif (8.43 MB, 576x324, giphy (1).gif)

Is there any way I could write shit and not be insecure about it? I used to write all the time but now I feel like my writing isn't good enough and that everyone is better than me. It's not like I'm trying to write a novel or anything but I just want to go back to when I was having fun writing.

No. 98088

>>98006
Try posting your writing online under a pen name/anonymously?

No. 98136

>>98006
write more often. dedicate some time to just write whatever comes to mind, entertain every dumb idea you have. it's okay to make crap, for every successful story there are a shit ton of bad ones. i don't know if this will help you, but for me, accepting that a lot of what i produce is going to be bad makes it easier to appreciate the good stuff i make. the only other thing i can think of is to find other writers and exchange writing. either for critique, or "haha look at this weird thing i wrote." or share your stuff with your closest friends. sorry if this advice sucks or if it's written poorly, i'm day-drinking

No. 98138

>>98088
I-I actually already do that but I usually compare myself to other people's and it makes me feel worse haha.
>>98136
>>it okay to make crap, for every successful story there are a shit ton of bad ones
This is actually very helpful, thank you so much! I guess I always forget that its not like the end of the world when you write something shitty. I always feel bad when I write something dumb so I usually just scrap it but writing more will help me. You're right.

No. 98139

>>98006
Are there any creative writing classes/groups in your area? My library used to offer free ones when I was a teen and they were so much fun. Maybe check meetup.com too.

No. 98188

>>98139
I think there maybe a creative writing class at the community college near my house. But I have to pay out of pocket for those classes now because my gpa was super low when I went there some years ago and fasfa wouldn't pay anymore until I brought up my grades. lol so

No. 98211

>>97578
UPDATE:i decided to go to artschool,eventhough the entrance exams gonna be a little difficult but i will go to art school

No. 98234

What do I do to find and join groups online(on any app/website)? I get really bored these days and I miss being in a group, all the banter and occasional comfyness and meeting new people who might be cool…how to get that?

No. 98235

Just started my Erasmus year abroad and man do I feel lonely. It's weird because I've made a few friends and gone out quite a bit, and my flatmates are nice enough but whenever I spend time alone I get down about being alone, and on top of that not knowing enough of the language. I never thought of myself as the kind of person to crave other people's company so much but here I am.

No. 98240

i've turned into a hermit. I used to go out a lot, see friends all the time. Actually, I was kind of terrified of being at home (fear of being left alone with my thougts yadda yadda yadda) so I would be at some friends or at some party 5 days a week.
Now it's the complete opposite. I go to college, I come home, switch into compfy clothes and hang out on the internet while eating crap. I might have a drink on my own like once every two weeks or hang out in town with some friend for a couple hours during the day but I get so lazy in the evening. I lie every single time someone invites me to a show or a party "oh no, im sick/ tired / have obligations". I feel lonely irw with love sometimes but I'm just too lazy to go out and meet people or go on a date with someone from tinder. Just the thought of being on a date and it being potentially even a tiny bit uncompfterable seems like such a drag.

All that wouldnt be such a problem but I'm 22 and now is the time to party and go on dates and meet new people and all. My friendships are quite solid but it's certain they will become much less solid if I keep lying to people because I'm too lazy to go out.

It's not really deppression either. I mean, I am a bit deppressed but I've been LEGIT deppressed in the past and this isnt it.

Idk what to do. It seems like a non-problem and tbh I feel kinda okay doing it but I can sense it will bring me despair in the future if I keep doing this.



>>98211
I go to art school, if you want to talk, i can make a throaway email etc

No. 98257

>>98240
Of course i want to talk,do u have a discord id?

No. 98303

>>98240
>All that wouldnt be such a problem but I'm 22 and now is the time to party and go on dates and meet new people and all.
That's a stupid meme. Media might make it look like it's fabulous and leads to all sorts of amazing experiences but in reality it's just… boring.

Anyway, I recommend looking for a new hobby or starting a new project. Life turns into shit fast if you don't have anything to do.

No. 98343

>>98240

Legit same anon and im 22 as well, ive drifted away from my friends but dont care really. I figure once I graduate and move to a new city i'll start over anyways so no point now

No. 98353

what does this sound like

>never had any close male friends

>had an intense connection with my ex best friend but it wasn't sexual at all just an extreme platonic attraction
>still not over her abandoning me 7 years ago
>If I had my way I'd be fine living my life with her or another female best friend if I find one
>never had actual sex
>when I fantasise its always with a man
>I want a dick in me
>don't care about men or interested in friendships with them

I'm confused

No. 98357

>>98353
You're straight but men suck.

No. 98358

>>98357
LOL they really bore the hell out of me.

No. 98359

I recently moved in with my long term, long-distance boyfriend. We're both poor, but it's actually more cost effective for us to live together, and means we can both look for jobs more freely without worrying about things like never seeing each other. Problem is because I've moved in with him, I now need to find a new job, and form a new life, and it's really daunting for me lately. I haven't been able to afford to see my old friends for weeks, I'm missing my cat (we can't bring her here, he has a dog), and I got really homesick the other night. I've started applying loads of places but it's really scary that I might not find a job for a while, and he's so fucking bad with money, he blew all his last paycheck AND his £100 overdraft in a week on stupid shit, even though he's the only source of income for us at the minute, and I'm going into debt pretty bad trying to buy groceries.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice or somewhere to vent and have a bit of support, but I hate talking about money with him because I don't want to have to rely on him, but I also need to rely on him, so it kind of sucks.

No. 98361

>>98359
You're dating down and uprooted your life just so you could be with this child more. Tell him to grow up or your leaving.

No. 98363

>>98353
I'm right there with ya girl down to losing my best friend and person I've ever had the strongest connection with. You're straight, just craving that connection with a bestie and possibly a boyfriend that doesn't blow ass.

No. 98374

>>98359
I'm with >>98361 tell him to man the fuck up. I'm not the best with money but there was a moment where I was the sole bread winner for a bit and I managed to not blow my paycheck on stupid shit. So if someone like me who buys shit because I'm bored can buckle down when need be his ass can too lol

No. 98387

>>98359
> he's so fucking bad with money, he blew all his last paycheck AND his £100 overdraft in a week on stupid shit, even though he's the only source of income for us at the minute, and I'm going into debt pretty bad trying to buy groceries.
Oh my god, why are you committing to this idiot. A partner with no money management skills can ruin your life, you need to teach him how to handle his shit if he isn't adult enough to teach himself.

No. 98388

>>98359
so you either
>moved in with someone who, despite being poor, is incredibly reckless with money
or
>moved in with someone, and had no idea about their actual spending habits

whew. I hope he's young/receptive enough where you can beat financial responsibility into him, but you're in a really bad spot and typically these things don't just take care of themselves. So instead of being poor and dealing with the ldr stuff, you're:
>poor
>homesick
>isolated from friends/family/cat
>financially dependent on an idiot who doesn't even have the sense to curb his spending until y'all get on your feet
>you're going into debt!

Is he REALLY worth all of this????

No. 98412

How does one find what they want to do in life? I want a career. Everything I'm interested in involves mathematics which I'm incredibly terrible at.

Any anons got tips on how to find out what career is right for me? I feel like I'm having a crisis about it. Maybe I'm overthinking it?

No. 98416

>>98412
Google "free career aptitude test", take a few and see of the results match up.

No. 98418

>>98388
>moved in with someone, and had no idea about their actual spending habits
I guess this? I knew he'd always spend money on random crap, but when we first got together he was alright with money, he earned some extra from being a small twitch streamer. But work's been slow for him this month and even though he earns enough he's not on as much as he was, and he's still spending like he always does. He's 22 so he's young, and he has shown genuine interest in being more responsible with money, but at the minute he's borrowing loads from his parents just for buses into work and blowing £10 a day on food when we have things in the house he could take.

I'm not that great with money either, but the only thing I've bought this month besides food was a really cheap winter coat, and I'm still a fair bit into my overdraft with a week left until I get my dole money, which I know is going to just pile up if I don't get an interview soon. I'm sure things will be better when we both have our own money, but we planned moving in together for months and even though it was shit timing with his work, he still seemed like he was capable of being responsible and he'd be earning enough to get us both by when we discussed it.

>Is he REALLY worth all of this??


Honestly I don't know. Uprooting my life was not as huge a deal as it might have been for other people: my job wasn't great, I have a poor relationship with my family, my friends live all over the country, and the job market is a lot better here than where I used to live. But I do miss the freedom I had when I was single with a job. He treats me very well, we have a very similar sense of humor and I love spending time with him. I've been treated like shit by my past exes, so maybe that's why I cared more about his personality than his matureness level. At the very least I know for a fact I'll never share a bank account with him, and I plan on save a bit on my own when I get a job incase I do ever want to head back home.

No. 98420

File: 1539683896425.gif (688.13 KB, 245x165, oprah.gif)

>>98357
>>98363
It's really bizarre last night I had a lucid dream (which I never do) and it was me touching myself, trying to get my ex best friend to take a shower with me and thinking about her boobs.

No. 98423

>>98420
Would you want to do that in real life?
If you're dtf girls then you're probably bi. Which is good, since you said you only form attachments with women.

No. 98428

>>98423
hmmm idk. I need to actually have sex and see what I like lol.

No. 98451

I have an online friend who has recently stopped taking medication. As a result, they've been even more suicidal and have been self harming and have been making a lot of worrisome social media posts. Some of the things they talk about involve hurting/killing other people. Originally I thought it was a lot of venting/talking but it's gotten increasingly worse and I'm not sure who to contact. I've tried to reach out to response but I have their address and their place of employment but I don't know anyone in their family (as far as I know they've cut contact with each other) so I'm not sure if I should just contact police? I don't want them to get into legal trouble…..I've never had to do something like this before so I'm just unsure of the proper avenues

No. 98472

>>97917

Update: I'm meeting him Friday night one on one and I'm going to make sure I talk to him about this. I'm so nervous. Any pointers?

No. 98473

>>98472
Maybe be blunt about your romantic feelings. If he feels the same it might inspire him more to keep in contact with you.
If not, then things will be awkward and you won't have to worry about him anymore anyway.

No. 98497

how do I motivate myself to do schoolwork? I have three assignments due friday, but going on vacation starting thursday morning. i've been putting off doing my homework even though I know having to do it all on my trip will be a nightmare. so how do I get my shit together and do work ahead of time instead of putting it off until last minute?

No. 98511

>>98497
hi anon i have the same problem and honestly there is no magic trick, stressing over leaving shit to the last minute is our own fault for being lazy fucks. the only advice i could say is just work on your assignment as soon as you receive it but thats easier said than done. you can try and punish yourself, 'no x favorite food until i finish this paper' or 'no x favorite activity until im all done'. i have no work ethic or self discipline and so ive never finshed any kind of schooling. im sure this wasnt very helpful but good luck anon

No. 98541

File: 1539825698094.png (92.78 KB, 364x370, AGH.png)

If given the chance, is dating a guy outside of your league (in terms of looks) a bad idea?
Anyone have experience with this?

No. 98587

>>98541
why would it be? the only immediate downside i can think of is you being insecure about your looks.

No. 98597

>>98541
All of this "out of my league" thing is in your head. If he likes you, he's not out of your league.

Go for it, and good luck :)

No. 98718

>>98541
don't worry anon if he's willing to date then he must find you attractive. its all in ur head and the only problems that could arise from my own experiences was my own insecurity or that I felt they could do better but usually it's more of a me issue than my partner. good luck tho u deserve them anon despite how u might feel

No. 98723

What are some good signs a shy and awkward but detached guy likes you?

My coworker is notoriously cold to others until you get to know him and every time we meet for drinks outside of work I feel a little closer to him but can't tell if he just sees me as a friend or not because he gives such mixed signals.

Some positive signs are that I catch him staring at me or we meet eyes a lot like he's looking for me around the workplace, he'll do small gestures and favors to help me out and looks out for me, and when we hug he will get flustered but squeeze a little and he'll open up to me about things like relationships and the future. He is very sweet to me and sometimes I get the inkling that maybe he fancies me too.

On the negative side, he'll be really mean sometimes, like claim if I left this job he won't miss me and laughs but he'll make effort to see me, he can be a little cold and he doesn't approach you much outside of work unless you message first but at work he'll find excuses to talk, and he remembers to do things for me like put cartoons on a usb for me to watch and comes and finds me to give it to but won't do that for anyone else.

It's hard to tell if he sees me as a friend or if he has a crush and is just scared to tell me right now. I am so bad at this. I started overthinking if he reason he got flustered when I last hugged him was maybe he doesn't like when I do but he will still not seem to want to let go. i don't know. It's driving me mad.

No. 98725

>>98723
It sounds like he's into you (in fact it's so obvious I feel like you're being purposely obtuse and fishing for validation…) but he also sounds like a dickhead with undeveloped social skills.

No. 98726

>>98725

I'm not trying to be purposely obtuse at all, I ask because some signs make me think yeah this guy totally fancies me but others just give me the impression that he's just really awkward and that I'm misreading him.

He did once tell me it takes a while for him to warm up and to be open about feelings, I just don't know if it's me he's developing them for or if he genuinely doesn't. I tried asking once and he wouldn't say yes nor no.

No. 98727

>>98723
yeah sis he wants you.
he's just being a big old kuudere about it.
tbh i used to date a guy like that and it could be a bit difficult, so think about like…if you want to be the feelsy one in a hypothetical relationship haha

No. 98728

>>98727

maybe he is, how did you encourage the guy you dated to actually make the move? do I just let him go at his own pace and trust he'll just approach me about it at a time he feels ready?

No. 98729

okay so this is happening in a few hours. I've been talking to this guy after my abusive toxic narcissistic ex decided he was way too bored abusing me and wanted to "sleep with other women" and dumped me a month ago. I'm still recovering but meanwhile I thought it might be good to distract myself and casually talk to him. Turns out our likes and shit matches a lot and he loves doing the same obscure stuff as I do and we have a lot of fun. The thing is he implied that "he had no experience", meaning he's a virgin I guess? he seems very very awkward in that department. Now I don't want to have to deal with that but whatever it's fine if we're hitting it off that much. He's not that cute either but he's alright and he seems to be kind but he seems a little childish to me for some reason. I'm just very meh about the whole thing and not even sure I want to be intimate if it comes to that. He's coming over in a few hours though and I'm just like eh whatever I guess it'll be fun but a part of me kind of doesn't want it?? idk what's putting me off so much but he seems like a decent person that I share a lot of interests with, but he's just giving me a lot of mixed signals. I don't want to like sleep with him (which is going to suck because he's a virgin) and then have it turn into a fwb thing because I'm just not in for that right now.

No. 98730

>>98729
Man, don't waste your time on someone you feel lukewarm about. No need to figure out why you aren't that enthusiastic about him, if you're put off then you're put off and if the alternative is being alone, well, that's better than meh dick.

No. 98840

File: 1540064521338.jpg (63.17 KB, 409x512, 1525701084957.jpg)

I guess I'm just looking for some general opinions on this.

I don't want to bore anyone with the long winded version so I try to summarize.

I'm pretty much a shutin besides work, I'm not very social or outgoing, pretty introverted, I'm also pretty depressed but more in a quiet going through the motions and struggle sense.

I've had a few close friends but I tend to self isolate a lot, one of my friends who Iv'e known for my whole life has had some bad abuse and relationship drama, lot of domestic violence and other things, shes becoming worse.

I try to be there for her, as I see us as family but I've become more and more shutin and isolated, she doesnt know this and I don't want to burden her with this as well.

I guess all I'm really looking for is opinions, I'm practically a neet anon who feels like a burden all the time.

But I'm tired a lot of the time like mentally, how can I help her be ok.

if you were abused how would you want to be helped ?

No. 98874

>>98840
you're not neet if you're working. why would you want to be called that lmao

No. 98939

So after lowering my head to assholes being their usual rude or passive-aggressive to me I learned back how to be assertive and stand up for myself and friends. But whenever I do, I find myself trembling, anxious or thinking that I've been too far even though I'm careful with my words and tone. Or maybe I've been dealing with really toxic people since I called someone on their BS a few weeks ago after being silent about it and they freaked out, started throwing shade and guilt tripping everyone in the group instead of admitting they were wrong

No. 99289

File: 1540387544896.jpg (17.46 KB, 363x280, closeup-portrait-goofy-funny-f…)

Can mild smacks to the head do a lot of harm in the long run?
I know it's retarded but when things get too much for me I smack on my head in frustration. a bad habit I picked up in my teenage years that I can't seem to shake….

No. 99291

>>98939
I've been working on my assertiveness for a few years. It gets easier with time and eventually you won't mind negative reactions as much. If you're regularly dealing with work or school drama and just want to defuse situations, I recommend looking into Medium Chill.

http://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/2015/12/3/medium-chill

No. 99297

>>98939
I hear you, anon. Doing the same thing here after being a doormat type of character for 10 years.

Putting my foot down at work became easier, putting my foot down at home is still taking some time. I’m an anxious person and a people pleaser by nature. I just want my home to be warm and welcoming, but boundaries need to be set and things need to be said.

Be the bitch.

Baby steps, anon. You got this.

No. 99309

Does anyone know how to relieve negative thoughts that keeps getting in your head? I was dragged into an argument and was accused of things I hadn't done. While it's over now and they've admitted I didn't do those things I can't get it out of my head.

I keep replaying the scenario over and over again, thinking what I should've or could've said/done instead. I'm imagining how they went to their friends afterwards and talked about me, how their friends would then say rude things about me even though I was in the right. I stayed up all night because the thoughts kept me awake. Sometimes I have an hour or so of calm where I'm able to distract myself but it keeps coming back.

This is such a stupid thing to get like this over and I don't get it lol

No. 99312

>>99309
when i get into a negative spiral like this i just keep reminding myself that i don't owe myself these thoughts, i don't owe anyone else these thoughts, no one including me benefits from me thinking these thoughts, and that these thoughts are no more powerful or significant than any other thought i could have. i am the one choosing to think these things again and again, and i can choose to stop giving them my attention.

No. 99329

>>99289
nah
after all that's why you have the skull around your brain lol. The only thing that can happen is maybe skin getting more red from the blood vessels breaking

No. 99582

I've been at the same company for three years. Today I handed my notice in, coworkers got upset I'm leaving. I'm excited for my new job but anxious as it's the first time I'm going to be "the new one" again and it's still alien to me imagining having different coworkers and managers. Is this anxiety normal?

No. 99610

>>99312
Nayrt but this is wonderfully written and also what I have come to learn after CBT.

No. 99721

File: 1540876243652.jpg (23.64 KB, 500x660, what-other-people-say-about-yo…)

>>99309
It's not stupid at all and actually really common to have these kinds of thoughts. Tho like other anon said, it's a waste of mental energy. Namely because you can never control or truly get inside another person's head. It doesn't actually concern you or who you really are anyways.

No. 99791

File: 1540961018685.jpg (161.38 KB, 529x531, sad.JPG)

how do i stop taking things said online so personally? how do i toughen up?

being vague here, but i've seeked out communities that exist to hate on people like me or people with traits that i have, and it's always ended with me feeling horribly depressed, reading everything people have written.

it also has me constantly worrying if someone i'm talking to happens to take part in those communities or hates people like me. how do i make this stop?

No. 99798

>>99791
im fat and the amount of people online that hate us just for being so is absurdly high. i guess all you can remember is that these people dont really matter that much if they have time to waste hating and chatting about your type of people. you cant change shallow/hateful peoples minds for them. sorry if i didnt help much anon, you could also remember no matter how normal other people act/look their ugly heart ruins their character. just be the best self you can be and dont worry about the ugly people. you learn to care less about opinions thats dont matter over time.

No. 99810

>>99791
Stop seeking out things to purposefully harm yourself. Keep in mind, online isn't real life. The majority of shit even talked about on here, no one cares about in real life.

No. 99822

got cheated on and ended up with herpes!

don't know which type it is or if it's herpes yet (waiting on results from obgyn) but there's no denying that it's herpes. currently going through my first outbreak while on my period. I'm in hell. idk what to do. I can't deal with this pain. I'm trying to get my meds but I swear there's always something That keeps me from picking up prescriptions from Kroger.

I'm so uncomfortable. I'm not drinking or eating for fear of irritating or burning the wounds with piss or from the tissue grazing it. it's hard to keep clean while menstruating because I have to wear pads, tampons might hurt to insert and pull out, and I might accidentally gush blood like I did earlier. my period started yesterday and I tend to have a super heavy cramp filled 2 days with hella clots.

honestly can't wait to be healed to the point where I can wipe, sleep, sit, and walk normally. and I can't wait to shave. I apply a gel icepack when it gets prickly or Burns/stings but until I can pick up my first script or even while I'm on it, are there any ways to take care of it while menstruating? I'm so distraught EVERY little thing brings me down.

No. 99845

>>99791
This >>99810

Be conscious of the things you let into your head. If visiting a certain forum makes you feel like shit about yourself, there is absolutely no reason to go there. Instead, try to use that time to pursue projects you care about.

Also, ruminating on whether some strangers hate you isn't going to bring you clarity, it's just going to make you unhappy. When you find yourself ruminating about this, try to be aware that these thoughts are making you unhappy and anxious, and opt to think about something else instead. Simply being aware of your own emotions and thought patterns is hugely helpful.

Btw, I found my mood and self-esteem improved majorly when I stopped visiting places like 4chan and twitter.

No. 99933

've been on the pill for a year and recently had sex (on tuesday), condom broke and I started new blister the 27 (saturday). So I've been on new blister for 4 days before the accident. Is there any chance of pregnancy? I'm a bit scared lol

No. 99934

>>99933
Were you on bc the month prior?

No. 99939

>>99934
Yep, i started a year ago and never stopped taking it

No. 99952

>>99939
You'll be fine

No. 99969

hey, i need to get a job. i've never had one, and only know the basics of making a resume. recently i've been told to lie on my resume, but that conflicts with all the articles i've read on making a resume. also, is it actually a good idea to reapply to jobs you've already applied to? what do i do, anons. please give me all your tips and tricks.

No. 99970

>>99969
how old are you first, that's kind of important.

also it's not a good idea to lie on your resume unless you need to pad out extremely ridiculous gaps.

tbh tho, you can lie to small companies about basically whatever, past jobs, education etc. but it's not recommended unless you can bullshit really well and learn quickly (it does work tho) only do it for entry level positions.

No. 99971

>>99939
Oh then you're protected, and the condom was simply a back up method.

No. 99974

>>99970
i'm 21. i don't have any large gaps, aside from the few years between graduating high school and now. when asked about this i usually word it as "taking time after my education to better myself before joining the workforce" since it's better than saying i was a depressed lazy shit for a while, lol. the only kind of "experience" is have is some past and recent volunteer work. currently, i'm in school to get an associates in web design. i know basic shit that everyone else my age knows, like microsoft programs, and some photoshop. i'd be looking for entry-level work, probably part-time so i don't neglect my studies.

No. 99975

>>99974
tbh that sounds fine then. i'd focus on the positives like what you're in school for currently. also mentioning the volunteer work is a good thing to mention!

if you're in a city it'd probably benefit you to work with a staffing agency that deals with a lot of entry level positions. otherwise try to look for positions that advertise training, because those are going to want students or people who didn't go to college. a lot of really big corporations also tend to hire tons of temp staff throughout the year as well. hope that was helpful.

No. 99980

>>99969
My husband went to the ER about an hour ago because he felt "weird", he hasn't responded to me and I'm really scared. I'm dependent on him financially so if anything happens I'm fucked, and I'm so fucking scared that something is seriously wrong with him. What should I do? I hate waiting and he hasn't answered my calls, I feel sick.

No. 99982

>>99980
call the hospital? i've never been in that position before, so idk what to say. hope he's alright

No. 99983

>>99982
I feel dumb for posting here but I'm a NEET and don't have a lot of people to reach out to. He got back to me and he thought he had a heart attack which it wasn't but they haven't figured out whats wrong with him yet but something is off. He's alive though and I feel much better (for now).

No. 99990

For some fucking reason that I can't figure out I've been incredibly stressed for the past 2 weeks. It started with a twitching eyelid but then I started clenching my teeth again. In fact, it got so bad part of one of my teeth broke off. (Luckily not a front tooth.) And since yesterday my jaw is sore and hurts so fucking much. Last time I've been in this much pain I've overdosed with mdma.

But jfc I'm in so much pain that it stresses me out even more.
I can't go see a doctor until Monday because my current dentist refuses to make a mold of my teeth as long as I still have those two wisdom teeth left (which don't hurt so there's no fucking way I'm gonna get them taken out).

I just really want to smash something or anything to release the pressure.

I actually have an alarm go off every 30 minutes to remind me to un-clench my teeth. Except for the night time but kek as if I would get a goodnights sleep like this.

AND I STILL CAN'T EVEN TELL WHY I WAS STRESSED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
why

No. 100018

>>99990
I hear you can get botox for this, insurance might cover it

No. 100104

I am suffering from rampant, undiagnosed (by a professional, at least) OCD, PTSD, and depression and it’s taking a huge toll on my relationship. I didn’t grow up normally and I think it stunted my social development as an adult (religious, conservative, homeschooled, sheltered—you know Rapunzel? Basically that), but I can’t shake wondering if I actually have autism on top of it all. My younger brother is high functioning and both my dad and grandpa suffer from chronic depression.

Who can I talk to and where can I go for a diagnosis and help? I don’t want to ruin my relationship and inadvertently hurt him because I am hurting and confused. I have insurance, but I don’t know how much it will cost or if it is covered.

I have no idea where to even start.

No. 100105

Got my first 'real' job and it's part-time in retail. I've only done about four days so far, and it's been fine, but man, I just checked my schedule and I've got an 8 hour shift on US Veteran's Day. Anything I should be prepared for? I'm sort of spooked.

No. 100107

>>100104
what's up anon, i'm actually waiting on a few eval appointments to see what the fuck all is going on in my brain (apparently there is a lot of overlap with adhd/autism/depression/anxiety), and shit i've found out struggling with this might help you.

if you're concerned about autism, (which, since someone in your family is on the spectrum so you do have reason to suspect that), you want a neuropsychologist.

it is possible now for asd to be diagnosed in adults, but the more information you have about your childhood, the better.
you can use sites like zocdoc or insurance company websites to find specialists in your area, or go straight to an autism center.
it's really fucking hard, at least where I live, to find a place that is accepting new patients AND will evaluate adults. if your job, school, or insurance offers some kind of program that will search /contact providers FOR you, fucking jump on that shit. I spent months crying when I finally started looking, because I felt like I had contacted every place in my area and none of them would take me, it felt even worse than not knowing what to do at all.

tl;dr look up neuropsychologists that can do asd evaluations. if none in your area evaluate adults, contact any autism center in your area (maybe the one your brother was diagnosed by?) and they'll give you a jumping off point.

No. 100130

>>100105
Depends on the kind of store you work at and whether or not they have a big sale going. It's no Black Friday, but if you have a lot of older ladies as clients it might be pretty busy. Older women are the only people who still pay attention to holiday-specific sales that aren't BF.

No. 100312

Does anybody know a good habit tracking app for android?
I've been using habitica but it started to get buggy on me.

No. 100322

File: 1541618497663.png (64.8 KB, 747x686, FE39B56A-D147-4E15-84D6-677F6A…)

I’ve got a bad cold and I need to at least appear and sound healthy by Friday. I’m thinking re applying makeup around red nose but what to do about the super nasally voice?

No. 100323

>>100322
lemon honey tea. if it doesn't really help can you just say you have allergies?

No. 100327

>>100322
take cold meds
dayquil or something, they probably have store brand

No. 100339

>>100322
Effervescent tablets really help me when I’ve got a bad cold.

No. 100340

>>100322
If you can't swing it by chugging your weight in hot drinks/cold meds, the excuses I use are either allergies or I took a drink of way too hot coffee and burned my throat.

No. 100341

>>100322
I get allergies all the time so here’s my tips

Tea tree oil in a bucket with hot water, the steam with absolutely help you.

Try these tips for makeup
https://youtu.be/HKY4O0RIn0M

Pray to the chicken soup gods

No. 100354

I got a terribly crafted threat from someone claiming to have access to my browsing history or whatever, saying that they'd send embarassing things to my email contacts unless I give them a ransom.

I don't believe that they're telling the truth, or that they're even a real person, but I still have a really hard time sleeping because of it.

Is there anything I can do except for trying not to think about it?

No. 100370

>>100354
Tell them to prove it or fuck off

No. 100372

>>100354
>>100354
copy paste sentences from message into a google, it should show threads discussing this scam. Report email adress so it can be shot down. There are shittons of those type scam attempts lately and sometimes they can go trough anti spam in gmail.

No. 100394

>>100354
Just ignore them, and they’ll move on to the next person. They’re full of shit.

No. 100395

>>100354
It's a scam email that was spammed to many people

No. 100402

>>100354
I think I've seen the same email. Don't worry, it's not real. Is it the one where it looks like it was sent from your email and they pretend to have your password?

No. 100436

>>100354
i think i got the same email, it’s not real. does it look like it was sent by your address but it’s not in your send folder? and they posted an old password? just change your passwords and move on.

No. 100578

How do i get over my fear of being touched? I can't even stand hugs. It is trauma related. I just want to be able to be within the same vicinity of people without freaking the fuck out. (no therapy isn't an option)

No. 100626

>>100578
there really isnt a get well quick scheme when youre dealing with trauma. if therapy isnt an option for you, then good luck anon. tough road.

No. 100631

I'm very anxious around other women, so I can't make friends with them. It stems from me being a self-hating bisexual, and getting bullied over it in my youth. I can't even talk to women 1-on-1 online. My biggest accomplishment recently was chatting with a girl on discord for a few minutes. How do I fix this? :(

No. 100706

File: 1542146376608.jpg (72.6 KB, 877x877, tumblr_p292otEwG91vnm7bio1_128…)

>make new friend a week ago
>he's borderline w/ social axiety
>doesn't go to therapy
>I'm his only friend
So, what should I expect?

No. 100708

>>100706
Needy/clingy, telling you you're all he has and he will kill himself if you leave him, suicide threats in general, constant bitching and moaning about how much they hate themselves, possibly self-harm/threats, lovebombing, insane mood swings - to name a few.

It is not worth being an untreated borderline's favorite person. Remember you can dissolve the friendship and ghost them whenever you want to, the suicide threats are empty, and you are not responsible for their wellbeing or actions.

No. 100726

File: 1542166956835.gif (2.04 MB, 170x259, 1523316865989.gif)

>>100706

I had a BPD with depression friend. There was a time when we were close enough that she would tell me all the shit she went through with her mom, like her mom trying to strangle her and some other pretty fucking heavy shit. She was fun though, when she was not pissed off (which was pretty often, may I add.)

We were friends and out of nowhere she started treating me like the antichrist, talked shit behind my back everyday according to a friend of mine(and I lost some friends because of it), was super jealous of me, until she moved countries.
I never knew why, but a lot of people (and myself) kinda think it was because she was jealous of my boyfriend, because she had a crush on him before we started dating. Fun fact: She was also dating when me and my boyfriend started seeing each other.
Go figure.

Also, her ex boyfriend told us that she would snap at him almost everyday, break up, and then they'd go back together on the next couples of days, sometimes on the same day.

And yes, a fucking thousand of suicide threats and random snaps. They also may or may not hit you.

No. 100774

>>100706
The kind of frash hell you've never experienced before.

No. 100777

>>100708
>>100726
>>100774
This all sounds awful. I don't really want to bail on him though since we get along well and he hasn't done anything too bad except for lovebombing and putting himself down a lot. And he's the only friend I have that regularly attends class lol.

I'm also a bit stuck with him because we share a class and he insisted on taking one of my electives with me next semester.

But I'll be more prepared for him to start flipping at me or sending me SH pics or something. So I can drop him.

No. 100784

how can i respectfully comfort someone with paranoia? i don't mean to point it out, but sometimes i won't be thinking and ask what he's looking at when he's been looking around and over his shoulder. he'll say it's his paranoia and i'll give a sympathetic smile and rub his back or something. i can't personally understand what it's like for him, but i want to help in any way that i can. i just want to grab his face and make him look at me, tell him he's okay, and hug him. i don't know if that would be patronizing or otherwise completely unhelpful, though. any advice appreciated, but if any anons have bad paranoia i would especially like to hear what helps you.

No. 100786

>>100777
be super clear about boundaries. like, incredbily clear. shut him down as soon as he goes too far. when he lovebombs or talks poorly about himself, please say something if it bothers you. when he's venting a LOT and maybe stressing you out, tell him something like "i wish i could do more for you, but i'm just not a professional." call out any manipulation, guilt-tripping, or threats with something like "i know you don't mean to, but this is what you're doing, and it isn't okay." he'll either A) be very embarrassed, apologize, and make an effort to stop, or B) think you hate him and are abandoning him. afterwards you can drop him if he responds poorly when you tell him to stop the guilt-tripping.

not to blogpost, but i have bpd, so i know very intimately just how rocky the friendships can be. your friend is someone who has been hurt badly, and is acting accordingly. he doesn't actually want to be a burden, but he never learned how to properly handle his emotions or to have healthy relationships. feel sympathy for him all you like, but don't be afraid to bail if the friendship is detrimental to you. untreated bpd can make a very good person a very bad friend. if you value the friendship, give him chances to improve his behavior, but don't be a pushover. make it clear what you will and will not tolerate. both of you will be grateful for it, in the long run.

No. 100800

>>100354
Literally my boyfriend got that same copypasta in work email lmfao.
Did it start off with "Hello victim" too?

No. 100864

I'm starting a new job that is around 40 hours a week with varied shifts and two days off a week. I'm an artist trying to rework their portfolio in their freetime. How do I avoid getting so exhausted from this heavy job that my two days off a week don't become slob days? I'm scared.

No. 100883

>>100864
If you have a short commute, a full time job leaves plenty of free time. If not… not much you can do about it except try to get a good nights sleep and manage your time well.

No. 100889

Yesterday I went to an light art festival with my boyfriend. It was extremely busy, at one point we were completely stuck in a crowd, i was being pushed, pulled and everything. I completely panicked and almost collapsed. Once we got through the crowd we went to a quiet space. I always have this in crowds. Even at concerts. I feel like I always ruin things for people because I'm so panicky in crowds. I wish I could just ignore it and enjoy the event. My boyfriend told me he didn't mind, he just wanted me to be okay. We still had a fun night, and I'm glad he helped me, but I still feel guilty. Does anyone have experience with this?

No. 100908

>>100889
Yeah I get this too. It has ruined many a night out, but my boyfriend doesn't mind. He always checks in on me during concerts and sometimes we stand near the back so we can lean against the wall. Also, a tip I learned is that if you are stood in place for a while if you're watching a concert or something, don't lock out your knees. Keep them relatively 'soft' with a slight bend in them. Stops you from passing out, apparently. It is taught to people in the armed forces for when they have to stand for long periods of time during parades or military shows! Just remember you'll be okay in a crowd. It feels bad sometimes but nothing terrible will happen.

No. 101071

File: 1542612232367.jpg (86.94 KB, 750x769, 1498579284489.jpg)

Any farmers have experience going to (metal) concerts alone? Next weekend my city is having a black metal festival and I'm super pumped to see some of the bands there and went ahead and bought myself a ticket for Sunday, but now that the event is coming up I'm starting to feel a bit apprehensive. How out if place would I be going to a metal show/festival alone and is there anything I should look out for or be wary of? I feel like I'm going to be super nervous and self-conscious being by myself especially given the crowd that'll be there. I'd just like to hear others' experiences to hopefully reduce my nerves, and I know I probably shouldn't get too drunk for starters…

No. 101074

>>100908
Thank you anon! I'm going to try this next time. you're right, it's always a lot of people, but something bad rarely happens.

No. 101083

File: 1542622522586.png (688.19 KB, 737x556, aaf04099-1182-4450-8763-3fe583…)

i literally have 0 idea what to take for college. I'm really leaning into Web Dev, but I don't know much about it besides the fact you need html and shit. is there any web dev majors here that can fill me in what they do? If you'd ask for a scale on how good i am with programming i'd put it at 5.5/10 since my problem is that Im just super slow.

Im also leaning into something art related (animation) but i dont want to be berated by my family…..and i'm not sure if im confident enough for this. Just like web dev.

No. 101086

>>101071
At least where I live the metalheads are the most nicest people you can spend your time alone with. I've been to many gigs alone and they've always been nice and polite if for some reason I end up interacting with someone.

No. 101095

>>101071
I'm actually going to a concert by myself this weekend. I don't think it's weird at all. I don't listen to metal so I have no experience with that scene but I've generally only heard good things about metalheads, pretty much what >>101086 said. I wouldn't be worried at all.
I mean, who really cares about someone going alone to a concert/festival? I haven't been to that many concerts, but I can't think of a single time I even noticed someone there alone, because I was too busy enjoying the music. I'm sure you'll be fine, go have fun at the festival!

No. 101106

>>101071
Anon, I'm really excited for you! What bands are you seeing? Dont worry about being alone, people go alone to concerts all the time and people are there for the music, you should be too. And metalhead dudes are so nice, cute, n helpful (if you get lost in a pit, theyll pull you out). If it would help you, you can always strike up conversation with people at the fest and ask to tag along. Either way, dont worry and enjoy yourself!!!!

No. 101112

This is really dumb but it's been bothering me all day and I want to hear some other opinions on this.
So I've been stalking Craigslist a lot these past few days because I need to buy something for my house. Last night after work I decided to check new listings and I stumbled across someone selling a current generation console for dirt cheap. I read the listing because I thought for sure it was broken or something, but it turns out it was an older person selling it whose children had just moved out, and clearly this person has no clue about video games. I thought for sure somebody else had already snapped it up since it was such a good deal, but I decided to send the guy an email just for the hell of it. The thing is, I have no interest in this console (I actually already own its competitor lol), I only want to buy it to flip it on eBay because I can easily make about a hundred bucks profit. So I felt kinda guilty, but I was like whatever, he probably already sold it to some other flipper anyway.
Well, he responded this morning telling me I could come by later today to pick it up, which I did not expect. Part of me feels horrible about it… I feel like I'm taking advantage of some poor old guy. Am I being stupid for feeling kinda guilty about it? Should I tell him this console is worth a lot more than what he's selling it for?
The way I'm consoling myself is the fact that I'm actually planning to use the money towards buying a Nintendo Switch, which I've wanted since it was still known as the Nintendo NX, and finally I started putting aside pocket money to save up for it. I'm telling myself that I'm going to get a video game console either way, so it's not like I'm really taking advantage of him, I'm just getting the console I want… right? Am I fucking retarded for feeling so bad about this?

No. 101115

>>101083
> web dev in html programming
If you think HTML is programming, you're not 5.5/10

No. 101116

File: 1542662843841.jpg (12.77 KB, 333x319, large.jpg)

>>101106
Thanks anon, I'll do my best to have a good time! I'm only going for the second half of the set so I'll be seeing Forteresse, Temple of Baal, Seth, and Tormentor. I mainly bought the ticket to see Forteresse and especially Tormentor since I love everything off of Anno Domini. Hoping they'll be selling merch there so I can get a shirt!

Also thanks to the other anons for replying. I'm glad you guys don't think I should have anything to worry about. Really makes me less nervous and more excited for Sunday!

No. 101130

>>101112
Well it may not be working, as he doesn't know much about them. Stay safe if you are collecting at someone's house. I'd just pay extra on collection, however much feels right to bridge the gap between prices.

No. 101271

>>101083
I do web dev for a living and I very much enjoy it, but as the other anon said html is a very tiny piece and not considered programming. Take a look at a javascript course on codeacademy or something. If you get through it and enjoy it, then by all means continue because that's more of the kind of stuff you'll be doing.

No. 101298

Any advise on getting over the fears associated with being female? It probably has something to do with the fact that I neet-ed for years without socializing and was obsessed with murder documentaries. but I'm terrified of strange men. I bought pepper spray and a taser. I don't wanna buy a gun because I don't trust myself that I won't freak and shoot somebody that didn't actually mean me harm. if one comes up to me to talk i get an instant wave of scare, even if they appear friendly. i also hate to wear makeup or look nice for non-special occasions because i can't shake off the the fear that it WILL attract unwanted attention. the answer is probably a psychiatrist but eh, let me know if you have other advise

No. 101306

>>101298
>the answer is probably a psychiatrist
The answer is definitely a psychiatrist.

No. 101340

File: 1542986648734.png (1001.74 KB, 1280x720, jay stare.png)


No. 101344

I've wanted to get my tongue pierced for like 6 years now but have always been too chicken to do it. Over the past 2 years I didn't do it because I'm seeing someone and if I get it done, I won't be able to perform oral sex for like 6 weeks which is a lot to me ngl.
On Monday my gf will be out of town for a week and I really want to get it done.
But now I feel like I'm too chicken again.

I've had several piercings and none of them actually hurt. Pain isn't even what I'm scared of. I'm mostly scared I will pass out because I seem to have gotten really sensitive. I always have to lie down when I get blood drawn at the doctors as well.

Idk if there's really anything I can do about it except for the usual eat well etc.

Just thinking about passing out either at the studio or on my way home makes me really panicky. But I really want to get it done.
The struggle…

No. 101345

>>101344
The more you think about it the more excuses you'll find. Also if you don't like it you can take it out. Bring a friend if you can or tell the piercer you're a bit nervous

No. 101347

>>101344
As someone with lots of piercings and who has worked in a tattoo/piercing shop, you'll be fine. Best thing to do is let the piercer know you're prone to fainting and they should be able to accommodate you. I'm a fainter too and I find it best if you just focus on doing something like wiggling your toes or focusing on your breathing. Eat plenty of food, take a soda to sip on or have a piece of candy before you go in to get your sugars up.
My bf got his tongue done about a month into our relationship and it was difficult for a while with the no oral sex thing but it is worth the wait. It looks good and feels nice! Only thing I can say is watch your teeth with it. They can be bad for your teeth and gums if you're prone to fussing with the bar! Go for it, anon!

No. 101374

Is there anything I can do with having a public presenting problem?
I have to do a lot of those lately and every time it's a disaster, so advice like "just do it more and you'll get used to it/learn" isn't helpful. Would a psychologist help? But on the other hand, what else can he say that I don't know already? I'm pretty introspective, but I feel like my body acts separetely from my mind in this case, even when I'm collected mentally, my whole body trembles like I'm freezing, hands shaking, voice MIA.
Some advice?

No. 101540

File: 1543318455714.jpg (304.99 KB, 1080x810, 20181127_122632.jpg)

I feel like I have dirtied myself for havin dated ugly guys? I have always had low self esteem and felt like I couldn't do better than ugly, pathetic, horrible guys. I let myself be forced into things because I felt like i deserved to be with a psychopath.

Now I'm with the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. Treats me really good and respects my boundaries. And I just feel like I don't deserve anyone as pure as him? I just wish I was a virgin again

No. 101541

>>101344
I've had the same struggle for years, anon. I'm a big chicken and I fainted while donating blood. I haven't gotten any piercings beyond three on my loves but I'd love a tongue piercing. I think >>101345 is right in that over thinking it makes it worse. Some of the best rollercoasters I've been on were ones I decided to check out spontaneously or ones that more confident people dragged me onto!!! Bring a friend who won't let you leave without getting it done maybe, I think we all have a friend like that lol.

No. 101547

>>101374
I've heard that announcing that you're nervous and joking a bit about it is helpful because it lightens the mood and make you feel less pressured.

Don't know if it works tho, I have the same issues and the idea sounds horrifying to me.

No. 101553

>>101540
what do you mean dirtied yourself? how do you exactly not deserve him?

No. 101554

>>101540
Why is it that ugly guys seem to act the most entitled and are the biggest assholes?

You're not dirty anon, you've finally found someone who sees your true worth. You should be happy and enjoy your time with him. Think of it more like you've done the hard work and now it's your time.

No. 101566

File: 1543336232239.gif (1.98 MB, 500x374, FDD11D30-C480-4CBE-9F50-29B116…)

>>101540
Omg anon are you me,

> they are entitled because they are aware of their own hideousness so they pull you down into depression and being clingly so they can keep you under their fat disgusting thumb.



I imagine myself dismembering them and just killing them slowly in my head…

Nothing that I will do irl but it kills the time whilst waiting until they get bold ugly and overall caught up within their disgustingness


You didn’t date them for no reason though they caught you because they saw how weak you were at the time

Don’t ever let someone trick you like that and enjoy your safe nice relationship whilst they squirm on their Cheeto filled beds crying bacause no sane woman will ever date them …

No. 101567

File: 1543336362739.jpeg (22.16 KB, 550x550, ED30D255-316A-4002-89C1-6F25C1…)

>>101554
What happy functional person will date someone as fucked up as those men?


Literally none

So they destroy you slowly so you need to stay with them.

Disgusting and predatory af tbh

No. 101607

How can I learn to be a more assertive person and stand up for myself instead of being a doormat? I grew up in an abusive home and I'm used to rolling over and accepting anything to avoid conflict, but it fucks me over so hard in daily life. I hate getting taken advantage of, but in the moment I freeze and automatically apologize even when the other person is in the wrong. I hate it so fucking much but I still just always default to being a doormat. Is there any hope for me?

No. 101609

>>101607
It's really hard but it's possible. You need to start with trying to accept the possibility that when you're assertive, sometimes you'll be in the wrong, sometimes you might even accidentally be mean or inconsiderate. If you have good judgment, it's a rare possibiity, but if you're terrified of it and can't deal with it, you're always going to let everyone walk over you in hopes of being 'nice.' Start telling yourself that everyone who stands up for themselves regularly is accidentally mean sometimes. If it happens to you you're not a monster, just normal. Trust that if you do something out of line, you'll get called out, in which case you can apologize for exactly what you did wrong, no less and no MORE.

No. 101661

Posting here because my brain is exhausted from thinking about this repeatedly.

>Have a lower second English Lit degree

>Not had proper employment since 2016, have always worked in shops/fast food while studying
>Now have a baby so time and money are very limited
>As a result can't get shift work anywhere because I can't be flexible (plus I'm 26 so have to be paid top wage bracket which nowhere wants to do when there's 16YO who need jobs)
>Can't take a Master's because of poor grade/need for money
>Can't get an office job because there's so many people with upper-class degrees/actual experience applying for them I'm not even getting interviews
>Can't afford to pay for a skills course (such as AAT accounting) without student finance, which means going back to college but I can't afford childcare
>Can't apply for teaching because of not working for years, plus I really don't want to teach
>Went on course to learn business skills for self-employment but don't actually have anything to market so was basically pointless

Has anyone got any suggestions at all? This is getting me really depressed. Before I got pregnant I did some freelance modelling (eg got paid by private photographers to pose in lingerie) but I don't want to do that anymore. I need to get an income though, and soon. Struggling to pay for everything on my partner's wage right now, which is seriously stressing him, and I don't want it to impact my daughter. (I'm in UK.)

No. 101663

>>101661
That's tough. My first thought was to maybe try flipping/reselling? If you keep your eyes peeled at thrift stores, yard sales, and Craigslist (or something like it… not sure if Craigslist is in the UK too, I'm American lol), you can find good stuff for cheap and make a solid profit by reselling. Plus you can always bring your daughter with you while you shop so you don't have to worry about finding someone to watch her. I don't know how much money you'll be able to make or how stable it will be, but I guess anything helps? Good luck, I wish the best for you and your family!

No. 101674

>>101661 you can deffo still do a masters. I know plenty of great unis take 2:2s. I'm looking into it myself atm.

No. 101683

This is sort of unrelated but I can't find anywhere else to ask this so here I go..I'm having some weird reaction to plan b and I don't know if its normal or not, my period is very late and I'm worried. Is it probably something unrelated or has anyone else experienced a weeks late (almost a month) period + 0 sex drive + depression after taking it?

No. 101687

>>101683
plan B can make your period either very late or very early. take a pregnancy test to be sure but you're likely in the clear (unless you are very overweight; plan b is less effective over 170lbs IIRC).

No. 101710

How do you get over the death of someone you were close to? My grandmother passed 4 months ago, but it still feels like yesterday for me. I cry all of the time, thinking about how I'll never see her or speak to her again. And I'll never forget about thinking the night before she died that I wanted to visit her the next day because I hadn't seen her in a week or so. It hurts so much that I didn't get to tell her I love her one last time or goodbye.

No. 101716

>>101710
idk anon. this is the first christmas without my grandma now and i feel like there's an empty space in my heart. my bf and i are decorating our tree with some of her favorite ornaments but i just really can't get over it. i made thanksgiving food this year with her recipes and it made me cry.

just remember all the good times and do happy things that remind you of her. it will be okay.

No. 101717

File: 1543463781334.jpeg (278.37 KB, 645x756, C8E1AB00-4926-4246-BCBA-961C8F…)

How do i stop obsessing over embarassing things I’ve done in the past? I have an entire archive of cringy things I’ve done and they pop into my head constantly, giving me heart palpitations and bad anxiety. It’s actually becoming debilitating.
It used to be a thing that only happened to me once in a while, say, when I was trying to fall asleep a couple times a month, but now I’m just reminded of dumb shit I’ve done, several times a day, and it’s making me miserable. Help me.

No. 101725

People I barely know are gossiping about me and I don't know why or what they are trying to do. It almost sounds like jealousy or trying to push off attraction by blaming me for it. I'm angry and don't know what I can do because it feels like they are basically blaming me for being nice and showing too much skin (I have clothes to fucking exercise in that I don't wear all day long) and that they are making up drama to avoid admitting to whatever they actually feel, either to themselves or to each other. Or are just really fucking autistic.
>inb4 someone correctly guesses it is a group of anime/vidya nerds and stemlords

No. 101726

>>101717
sage for samefag but if you've actually got them saved anywhere as records on your computer, please delete those, anon. You're using them to self harm and nothing good can come of it.
I've had problems with that too and what really helps is keeping busy and finding ways to argue with the obsession. It's hard and easier said than done and tbh I don't know when or how I made most of it stop. You will have to force yourself, and it will be uncomfortable, but it's better to do that than wallow in the hurt.

No. 101727

>>101725
Enjoy it, they're jealous of you.

No. 101728

>>101717
>>101726
You could also greentext them here if you don't need them anymore…

No. 101732

>>101726
Woops, maybe I should’ve said “mental archive” instead. They won’t leave my head. If anything, I do have some DMs that make me want to die attached to one of my social media accounts that I’m pretty sure I’m going to delete. I’m trying to distract myself and talk to others for support so I don’t wallow in pain because this really is mental torture.

>>101728
Lmao I have greentexted some of them actually. Somewhat cathartic.

No. 101769

File: 1543527785925.jpg (107.67 KB, 1116x781, _20181129_214132.JPG)

I've had this weird white pimple in the corner of my eye for some time now, what is it and how do I get rid of it?

No. 101771


No. 101828

>>101071
I'm really pumped for you, anon! As mentioned above, metalheads are some of the friendliest groups of people I´ve ever met (ofc there will always be creeps, but the vast majority are great). And people aren't usually as wasted (in my experience) at metal concerts, compared to mainstream concert, which usually leads to a more pleasant experience. Good luck!

No. 101831

>>101553
I feel like their disgustingness has imprinted on me and made me impure. Like Im tainted for having sex with them.

>>101554
>>101566

Thank you guys, I really appreacite it. I try to view it that way myself, and others tell me that as well

I enjoy watching them suffer, though I wish they would suffer more. Nice to see them crash and burn without me

No. 101846

I got the birth control implant about 4 weeks ago and I guess I should be due for a period now-ish but nothing yet, other than a bit of cramping a few days ago. I have PCOS so my period isn't really regular without something like the pill or the ring, so I don't know if it's that or if I'm going to be one of the lucky people who don't get periods on the implant (or if I'm SUPER unlucky and got pregnant on it…I waited the 7 days after the procedure to have sex). Anyone else have experience with this?

Also my implant is kind of crooked (like, sticks out on one side more than the other, but I can still feel it all the way through), I hope that's not an issue.

No. 101867

>>101846
Since amenorrhea is a very common side effect it's very likely just that. I wouldn't worry about it.

No. 101906

I moved into a new apartment with my bf about a month ago. I have some weird neighbors that randomly knock on my door and never answer, or stand outside my door without even knocking (my dog barks her head off at the door). It's driving me crazy because they also scream at odd hours of the night sometimes. I can't get my bf to trust that this is worrying me and thinks they're just weirdos but I'm getting really tired of the stress they're causing me and my dog. Should I complain to management or call the police? How do I get my bf to take this seriously?

No. 101909

>>101906
Unfortunately, I don't think the police would do anything unless your neighbors harmed you or damaged your property. I would start documenting their creepy shit on video and report it to management. Keep tabs on all of your communication with management and the neighbors (like if you ever talk to your neighbors, turn on a recording on your phone) so you have something to show police in case something does happen, and I would keep regular communication with management

No. 101910

>>101909
This sucks, we also had a leak today and we already pay way too much to live here. I hate living in apartments.

No. 101912

>>101910
I feel you anon, I just got out of a bad apartment situation so I sympathize. Renting is such a fucking crapshoot, you never know if you're going to get a landlord or renting agency who actually does their job or just ignores all your problems and makes your life hell until your lease ends.

I agree with what the other anon said and document their weirdness as much as possible and keep in touch with management. Also, if they're making noise in the middle of the night and disturbing you, you absolutely have grounds to file a noise complaint.

No. 101918

>>101912
Its always something, either there's a leak on the entire floor or fire alarms going off for seemingly no reason, and maintenance needs to come in our apartment whenever or our neighbors are screaming at 3 am. I just want some peace and privacy and to be left alone.

No. 102060

This sucks. I'm in a relationship that's been really rocky until the last 5 months, things have been great. I've been so happy we worked through it.

Then someone I had a crush on admitted to having a serious crush on me, and I found out through the grapevine. The stupid part is that he said all the things I wished my current boyfriend had said when we got together. It was just a little passing thought before, nothing serious at all. Now I really can't stop thinking about it and it's bad.

Fortunately this person lives very far away now and it would be difficult to be together at this point. The really shitty thing is that if he was still here, I think I would have to break up with my boyfriend. That's the part that really sucks and I feel awful about it.

My crush doesn't know I know. He asked me and my boyfriend to come visit him. It's killing me inside thinking about it. But I can't do it because I'm worried about what would happen next.

I'm wondering if I should talk to my boyfriend about what's going on though… Like I said, nothing has happened. But I think if he knows about it, we can make sure it doesn't. Idk what to do…

No. 102206

I've essentially wasted the past nearly 8 years since my high school graduation. I have no good or relevant job experience, no way to go back to school. My future feels so fucked, like it's inevitable that I'll never get anywhere in life and waste away in my very small home town working fast food or something equally shit. I wish I could see a way out of this pit I've dug for myself. Any anons ever been in a similar situation, but got out? I could really use some advice right about now.

No. 102219

>>102206
Are you me?
I'm in the exact same situation but struggle with a load of mental health issues on top.

No. 102228

So yesterday I went out on a first date with a guy - we had a good time, talked about a lot of personal things that aren't really normal first date subjects, and I liked him well enough to see him again. But it's been a while since I've been in the dating game so I guess I'm just curious at what point/how many dates in do you usually make a decision as to whether you feel a romantic connection and want to pursue a relationship or want to remain just friends? And how do you decide that - just a feeling you get, some criteria?

Maybe I'm overthinking it I guess I just have this fear that somehow I'll end up settling for someone or choosing the wrong person.

No. 102241

File: 1543948375393.jpg (28.92 KB, 1276x422, b326dfaa-d296-4848-86f7-b594fb…)

>>102219
I don't have any mental health issues that I know of, so I can only imagine how it must be for you. Maybe we'll do it one day, nonnie. I'll be rooting for you too.

No. 102248

>>102228
Usually you would know by the third date how it's going. This is when a guy who's not really interested will either bail or push for sex.

No. 102317

I'm kinda in a bind with some family members, and I don't see a way out. Looking for second opinions.


I'm babysitting for my cousins, their 10 year old and toddler, who has yet to be potty trained. I don't really need the money as my husband has a great job, and I see it as I'm helping out some family. However. The hours are starting to get too long, and it's effecting my own school work. One cousin has school in a town over, and I understand it takes time to drive, but the days he decides to stay at school to study effect me as well.


Cousins are starting to act like I should bend to their will at any given point. One day they tell me they need me on a certain day, the next they tell me it's a different day and I misheard. Sometimes I would have plans, but be forced to drop them to watch the kids.

I know I don't need the money, and this part might sound petty, but they cut my check in half. I did some math and I'm making about 5 dollars an hour. They were already paying me a small amount, but this feels like a slap in the face.


Am I just being a baby? What would you anons do?

No. 102320

>>102317
They're taking advantage of you, point blank. I mean an on-call sitter for $5/hour? I wouldn't be surprised if they keep pushing you until you're nannying for free. Family or not, I would set firm boundaries, like not dropping plans if they pull a bait and switch on the date.

Ultimately, you don't need the job so put your needs first. These are not your kids and you should be able to focus on your studies.

No. 102335

>>102317
I have a small family so I can't relate when people bow to their relatives whims but can't you just… say no? You're not really in a bind tbh, you don't owe them politeness if they are making demands of you. Literally just say whatever reasoning makes you not want to if they ask you to watch the kids.
>Only if you pay me more than $5 an hour
>No, I'm going out
>No, I have school work

And then they are forced to accommodate you if they ever want you to do them the favour of babysitting. They sound ungrateful and like they're taking advantage.

No. 102372

>>102335
this, like your fucking relatives didn't have kids with the idea that you'd be taking care of them. tell them to hit the road.

No. 102385

>>102317
Talk to your husband, and the politely but firmly tell them you can no longer offer child care. If they prod, say it's a decision you made with your husband as a couple, and they need to respect that. I see no reason why your husband wouldn't go along with this.

No. 102460

>>102317
They're 100% taking advantage of you and I can understand why you're upset. They've found themselves a cheap babysitter so they're not paying you a proper wage and they're not treating you with the same respect as they would a professional nanny (changing dates and getting you to babysit short notice is horrible). Not only that but this kind of work is really trapping because there are no payslips, there are no documents to show the hours you've worked and since they're family, you can't use them as a reference on a CV. You're not being offered the same rights as someone who is working in childcare through an industry so it's incredibly easy for them to underpay or change the agreements.

Firstly, either tell them that you need to concentrate on your studies and either that you can't babysit anymore or you're restricted to babysitting for certain hours (if you do that, don't let them push you into doing an extra day/hour because they'll keep pushing until you're back to square one). If you do continue, research what rights you have (maybe contact a local union for childcare or domestic workers for advice). For example, in my country it's your right to be paid the minimum wage, be given written evidence of the hours you worked, have a statement outlining the terms/conditions of your employment and to be registered as an employee (might be different for you, though). If they don't provide you with any of that, they're taking advantage of you and they don't give a shit about you. Also, I'm assuming they're in college so their college probably has struck a deal with a local creche to offer reduced prices for students (which would also save them time and money transporting the kids to your house!) so it won't be the worst if you do decide to give it up.

I know it's going to be hard because they're family and you want to give them a good deal but if this is negatively impacting your life, you're not obligated to do it. You have to put yourself first sometimes.

No. 102461

>>102460
*through an agency

No. 102465

>>102460
Your post made me think: If Anon is good at this babysitting stuff she should consider doing it as a waged job. Babysitting babies and toddlers will net a high wage. She's getting massively underpaid, $5 an hour is too low even to babysit preteens.

No. 102466

my husband is going to Florida for idk how long without me. going to go meet up with his dad, they're fixing his grandpa's bathroom. we live in NY. I've been so excited about maybe going this year, and now he says I can't go with him.

Says couples have vacations separately all the time. Really depressing me. I want him to have fun and do what he wants, but I'm going to be really lonely without him.

No. 102470

>>102466
>husband
>going to florida
>don't know how long

is this how normie couples interact? wtf is wrong with you people?

No. 102471

>>102470
If you think anyone on this site is a normie, you're retarded. Their relationship is pretty dysfunctional, but your generalization is also kind of worrisome.

No. 102474

>>102466
Does he give a reason why you can't go? That's suspicious to me.

No. 102477

>>102466
Unless you're really clingy this is a really big red flag anon, talk to him. It shouldn't be an issue if he has nothing to hide.

No. 102509

File: 1544290792733.png (156.59 KB, 389x659, Screenshot 2018-12-08 at 8.25.…)

Am I retarded for wearing children's clothes in my early/mid 20s? I don't think it looks that dumb, and I work in a high end specialty store where playful styles are encouraged, so…

I've gotten compliments on stuff like pic related, which is a children's dress from Uniqlo. I want to think as look as it isn't gaudy I can pull it off as regular clothing, but I have the nagging feeling that I would end up on that old show What Not To Wear if it were still around.

I need an outside opinion because I can't decide if there should be hard and fast rules about this kind of thing.

No. 102510

>>102509
are you doing it because you can fit children's sizes? if that's the case, who cares lol you're probably saving a ton of money.

i don't see the problem as long as it doesn't look like children's clothes. i am a very feminine girl, yet i often shop from the men's section. if i were shorter and i found children's clothes that i liked, i'd probably wear them too.

i think having rules about this would be strange though. they sell a lot of nice and high quality children's clothes with very basic designs (miniature "adult" clothes?). the dress you posted is not stereotypical kid's clothes at all, it's very 60s and chic imo lol.

No. 102511

>>102509
the dress is definitely cute. tbh i still shop in the kids and teens section despite being in my mid 20s too. I fit in boy's shirts, it's basically women's sizing, and there's a fuckton of neat graphic shirts the men's section doesn't have.

No. 102512

>>102509
How are you retarded for that? If you don't fit in adult clothes, then you don't fit in them. There's tons of pieces in the childrens section that a woman could wear (for example solid things like the black dress you posted) and juniors too. Uniqlo's sizes are HUGE so I don't blame you for having to go to the children's section. They have some cute stuff there that's wearable for women.

No. 102538

>>102509
I guarantee you nobody would be able to guess that's from the children's section unless they were a Uniqlo worker themselves and knew the clothing lol. Like other anons in this thread, I buy clothes from the men's and little boy's section all the time. If it fits and looks nice on you, who the hell cares? Rock that shit.

No. 102565

>>102509
Their website says that this dress is intended for girls between the ages of 3 and 13 years.
Sorry, but you, an adult, wearing the same as toddlers and preteens is just creepy.

No. 102568

>>102565
Why? Its literally fabric

No. 102575

>>102565
anon why are you so salty? she's not pretending to be a little girl kek.

No. 102642

>>102509
If you're retarded, so am I. We can be retards together.
Jokes aside no, as long as they don't look way too small or weirdly childish you can do it. I don't know what you look like but assume you're pretty petite, and petite girls can pull that off for longer. The dress could look very 60s if it's short on you and you pair it with tights so whatever.
I have skirts, dresses, and shirts that are size 12-16 that still fit and look cute on. Nobody can tell that they're not adult sizes unless I tell them.

>>102565
relax, weirdo

No. 102789

Girl of my dreams that I've been in love with for several years dumped me last week (we only started talking recently, dated for barely a month). I was sad, but we talked a lot of things through and ultimately I truly do respect and understand her decisions for it, and we've decided to remain friends (as fake as it sounds).

Now I'm just dealing with the aftermath. I went through hoops in my head, adjusting to things like not talking to her anymore (she's busy with work, we both need this space right now), and habits like constantly checking my phone to see her messages and thinking about her all the time. I got through most of it, and I just think fondly about the time we were able to spend with each other and messages we spent with each other, but now I'm just sad. Like looking at her profiles or our old messages doesn't invoke sadness, it's just this lingering sadness that I can't shake off. I feel so empty. I feel drained and I'm constantly blanking out at everything. I don't even want to exist anymore. I spent the weekend with my best friend going shopping and going to a concert we've been waiting months to go to, but even then it was just like this empty feeling wouldn't go away. I guess i can compare it to just standing in a flooded basement. It's not like the water is intensely rushing in and drowning me, but instead I'm just standing in a foot of water. Scooping out the water doesn't help, and I don't know where it's even coming from anymore. It's just there, it feels uncomfortable, and I hate it. I know probably just a necessary part of the healing/moving on process, but god, I feel like I've thinking about the break up less and less but the shitty sad feeling won't leave. I just constantly feel like shit and feel so frustrated that nothing I do seems to fill the void. What am I even supposed to do to fill the void? I don't even feel like it's the need to move on, it's just… I just want to stop feeling so empty all the time.

No. 102798

Holy shit, for some unknown reason I've been dreaming nonstop about having sex with my ex. It's been like 5 days of every morning waking up wanting to be with him again, every time my mind drifts during the day it's just graphic fantasies about it. We broke up well over 3 years ago and we don't even speak that much anymore. I've tried to make my mind stop and redirect the thoughts but they just keep getting stronger. Wtf do I do to stop this.

No. 102804

>>102565
Are you that one jealous anon from a year ago saying that petite women wearing kids clothes makes them a pedo? You sound gross af and insane.

No. 102807

>>102510
>>102511
>>102512
>>102538
>>102642
Thank you guys so much, I know probably nobody irl notices or cares but I guess I just have that worry in the back of my head. And yeah I totally was going for 60s chic with the dress! re: anon who said Uniqlo sizes are huge–yeah, that's a big reason I gravitate towards kids section clothes…I'm not like super skinny fairy elf or anything but I am smaller with a janky bone structure that looks instantly chunky if I don't wear accurately small clothes. I'm totally not into ageplay or an anachan obsessed with fitting in small clothes, I swear. Thank youuu

>>102565
lol, I do feel like it might be creepy so I try not to actively flaunt that I'm wearing kid's clothes

No. 102815

>>102807
nothing creepy about it imo. some young girl clothes are what's creepy. my cousin has to wear slightly larger sizes cause of her height and they have shirts for 13-16 year old that say "sexy babe" on them. wtf?!

No. 102819

>>102807
Don't feel creepy. I remember that anon, as >>102804 said if it's her. It's some mad tall bitch sperging out at any mention of smaller girls who can fit into childrens sizes lol

No. 102849

My grandmother died in July and I'm still a fucking wreck about it. Especially since this will be my first Christmas without her or any of my family. I burst out crying at random times and my dreams about her only make me so sad. My life has only changed drastically and gone downhill since she died. I don't know what to do. Any advice for grieving is appreciated.

No. 102863

File: 1544622970914.jpg (Spoiler Image, 93.88 KB, 720x960, IMG_20181212_133631.jpg)

When I met my bf he was a renowned flirt but since then he's convinced me that he doesn't do that anymore and he's serious about us. I believed him UNTIL he brought home a Christmas card from some slut at his work, it was filled with in-jokes and flirty banter, AND it said 'love from'.

Obviously he tried to play it off as nothing, he told me she got everyone a Christmas card. But when I went through his Facebook, there are LOADS of photos of them together at his works Christmas party (posted in a private group for employees). Pic very fucking related, it's one of several of them dancing, touching, linking arms, chatting.

At first I felt like stabbing the lying asshole but now I just feel sad. I want to bring it up with him but I'm scared to admit I was snooping on his laptop. And I'm scared to make myself look crazy and jealous. She has a boyfriend herself, maybe I'm overthinking, there's plenty of photos of him with other people as well maybe it looks worse than it is. Mostly I don't want to lose him to a younger girl.

Wat do

No. 102873

>>102863
Ask him to introduce you. Go for a double date or join him at a work event. Say some shit like "you seem like such good friends! I would love to get to know her"

No. 102881

>>102863
she's hot. and probably not that into him, which is why she feels comfortable enough to do things like write "love from" and piss about at the work christmas party with him. have you ever written a christmas card to someone you actually like and want to pursue? usually you play it cool.

maybe they're just having fun, because you work for a significant chunk of your life and it's too much time to spend miserable and po-faced. but either way it upsets you and he must know that if he's playing down the relationship.

do you have a tendency to be oversensitive and insecure? have you snapped over little things before like him finding a celebrity hot? i'm just trying to work out what the history is that he might hide a friendship. it seems like you've "had words" before based on your post.

if you're generally chilled out though maybe it is cause for concern. there's a bigger issue whatever it is, and that's trust. just talk to him about it, even if it makes you look like a snooper. if he's got nothing to hide he won't get mad anyway.

No. 102890

File: 1544636672807.jpg (Spoiler Image, 333 KB, 1365x2048, IMG_20181212_133428.jpg)

>>102881
>she's hot
Yeah…thanks…I know that.

>are you oversensitive and insecure

Yes.

>hiding friendship

He has admitted to me that he doesn't believe men and women can be friends 99% of the time, because the guy always wants to fuck the girl and that means it isn't a symmetrical relationship, it's not a real friendship. He cut all ties with female friends he had before because if he was honest with himself, he only hung out with them because he was hoping for a chance to sleep with them. His words not mine.

So as far as I'm concerned he shouldn't have any friendships with girls. So wtf is this? There are a dozen or more photos like this and I can't stop staring at them. Maybe some other girls are happy to let their boyfriend hang out with girls they obviously want to fuck but not me. Maybe that makes me insecure.

Part of me knows he's probably just getting an ego boost and wouldn't actually cheat on me but tbh I don't care I don't want him flirting with other girls to stroke his fucking ego.

No. 102895

>>102890
wtf is he holding her hand? If I had only seen the pictures I would think they were a couple

No. 102896

>>102890
Lol wtf. I would never let this shit slide. And it seriously looks like he's holding her wrist behind her back.

No. 102911

>>102890
Uh wth him saying that he never could be friends with a woman is a really red flag then. I would do like what >>102873 said and also mention how "special" you think it is that he found a female friend he doesn't want to fuck. Kinda ot and not to sound prude but that dress is showing so much of her chest in that picture and not in a flattering way.

No. 102912

>>102890
While everyone here will tell you that he may be cheating I suggest you confront him about it first before acting since workplace atmosphere can sometimes ''force'' people to be all friendly and shit with each other and you can't really say no when someone asks you for a photo, and having photos with his colleague isn't definitive proof that they are friends outside of work especially since that is where all the photos are from aswell.

No. 102913

>>102912
But then he will know that she snooped through his private stuff

No. 102915

>>102890
I'm so sorry anon….
I would say, even if this small encounter does'nt mean he's cheating, it shows that he's the kind of person that can't be trusted, and from experience these kind's of guy's never change and don't really respect women.
BUT i don't know him, and agree that you should just lay all the card's on the table and confront him, pay very close attention to how he react's and what he say's, update us and take it from there.

No. 102916

File: 1544643527126.jpg (Spoiler Image, 742.13 KB, 1728x2304, IMG_20181212_133248.jpg)

>>102913
This, tbh I have a history of going through his phone and computer and he has been very angry with me before, to the extent that we even broke up for a week. I don't want to risk that if it turns out to be me overthinking.

But there's so many pictures and they make me so sick that I have to find some way of bringing it up. Any way I could just pretend to have seen them accidentally? Or say I got a tip from someone else? I don't know.

No. 102918

>>102916
Did he tell you that she has a boyfriend or did you find out yourself? I think it's weird she's pushing her tits against him in all the photos.

Maybe you could ask him if theres any pictures from the party?

No. 102919

>>102916
Yeah no that's not platonic in any shape or form. He sounds like someone I wouldn't give 5 seconds of my attention to, hate to be that anon but I'd dump him.

No. 102921

>>102916
tbh all these photos of them look like that of a couple. I can sense chemistry from here so you have every right to be upset. I don't know how you could confront him because he is going to shift the blame on you for snooping and pretend to have the higher moral ground.
but those photos don't look innocent at all.

If I were you, I'd be preparing for a breakup.

No. 102922

>>102916
To be honest anon, you snooping in his phone vs him most likely cheating… I think he wins the broken trust war. That's just my two cents.

No. 102923

>>102922
She obviously has grounds to snoop since he's not being trustworthy and is likely not behaving like he should towards others.

No. 102924

>>102916
>>102890
>>102863
lmao these two are fucking, sorry anon

No. 102926

>>102890
Is she also posing like this with other coworkers? or is it just him?

No. 102933

I really feel bad about the anon ITT being cheated on.
If the roles were reversed, no guy would allow any "flirting" on this level and she'd be dumped for being a slut. I've seen it so many times when a guy is flirting with other girls with the crystal clear intention of fucking but masking it with being charming and friendly, and when confronted by his gf, she is the one that's paranoid or jealous and over reacting and then guilt tripped into saying sorry.

I've seen it happened with one of my friends recently and it's such a textbook situation.

No. 102935

>>102916
Bring up the letter, and is there no where these photos could be accessed other than the private group?
Tbh, if it was me i would tell him the letter made me freak out and made me snoop, if he tries to play moral highground tell him that him wanting “privacy” is bullshit when this is part of it.

No. 102938

File: 1544648989697.jpg (Spoiler Image, 241.18 KB, 1080x1526, IMG_20181212_210445.jpg)

>>102926
Nothing like this with other guys, some jokingly provocative pictures with other girls. She's obviously comfortable being flirtatious.

>>102935
I guess confronting him is the only way to go, you're right I shouldn't have to feel bad about spying…

>>102918
I stalked her fb as soon as he told me a new girl started at his work, she has a bf for sure

No. 102939

>>102938
Well, let us know how it goes. I'm afraid I don't think your relationship is going to last very long though, hope you haven't been together long.

No. 102940

>>102938
ugh I feel so sorry for you anon, even if they're just friends they're still being inappropriate. I'm way too invested in this now, so if you need a friend I'm here

No. 102942

>>102938
>>102916
>>102890
>>102863
Everyone acting like he's definitely cheating…they might just be messing around at a Xmas party? They're just dancing and taking photos, maybe they're just having fun as colleagues. Call me crazy, I know.

No. 102944

>>102942
Well he said if a guy is friendly its becauae he wants to fuck other girls.

Anon if shes this comfy when having a bf, she probably gets off on the attention your so is giving her and would and could fuck him if she wanted to.

No. 102945

>>102939
this, I really want to know.
on the other hand, he's probably going to act insulted for you even thinking that amount of body contact was inappropriate and shame you for snooping.
I don't think there's going to be satisfying end to this story.

No. 102947

>>102942
Tbh I would agree if it wasn’t for

>he doesn't believe men and women can be friends 99% of the time, because the guy always wants to fuck the girl

>he cut all ties with female friends he had before because if he was honest with himself, he only hung out with them because he was hoping for a chance to sleep with them. His words not mine.

I’ve been to my fair share of work Christmas parties and yeah, people dance and mess around but it’s nowhere near as close as in those pictures. Any of those pictures alone? Not a big deal. But the amount of pictures with that statement really would have me worried as well.

>>102863
I’m pretty sure he’s at least interested in her. Not gonna go as far as saying he would or is fucking her, but if he’s been as drastic as you say about male/female friendships… that’s not looking too good.
I’m not sure about her though. She might just let them get this close/friendly because she thinks he’s just being friendly because they’re both in a relationship. But then again you don’t know how things are going with her relationship.

I’d say talk about the card first. How you don’t feel like he’s being 100% honest with you because he said he doesn’t believe in men and women being able to be friends when he’s obviously being very friendly with her.
If he says you shouldn’t worry because she has a boyfriend, that’s another huge red flag imo. Because that’s saying if she wasn’t, he totally would fuck her.

I wish you the best of luck.

No. 102952

>>102863
I really don't see why this is such a obvious sign of cheating? I write love from in 90% of cards I give to people and these photos look like any average Facebook pictures of friends having a good time. They're not even standing that close for what's meant to be dancing? Looks super average like just friends being friends.

I guess the stuff about admitting he only friends girls to fuck them is mildly incriminating, but just cus you'd like to have sex with someone doesn't mean you'd act on it?? Hell, most guys I know have made comments about which of their friends they'd fuck but that doesn't mean they'd go through with it. You're expecting way too much of your bf if you think he's never gonna find another girl attractive while he's with you. Sounds like nothing unusual to me

No. 102953

>>102952
She's smushing her tits on him at every opportunity, they appear to be holding hands in one of the pictures. If there really are a dozen or more of these pictures then they must have spent a lot of time together at this party, and all of these pictures are them together without anyone else with them.
They look inappropriately intimate for platonic colleagues who have partners

No. 102954

>>102953
She's really not though, they only have body contact in like two pictures and even in those they're only as close as most friends are when they take pictures. She could get in way closer. Who cares if they spent time together at a party, they're friends? That's normal. They look comfortable around each other sure, but intimate is a huge stretch

No. 102956

>>102954
So in pictures like this
>>102938
You see nothing inappropriate?

>tall, potentially decent looking guy

>'renowned flirt'
>admits he doesn't befriend girls because he only wants them for sex

>hot new girl at work

>flirtatious card
>lots of pictures of them together, alone, touching in all of them

'oh we're just friends baby, you're so paranoid, you've got nothing to worry about! You get jealous so easy'

Yeah right, seen it a million times. The guy is a skeeze.

No. 102960

>>102953
Agreed with this, like W H Y are there so many pictures of them two cosying up together in different locations? She his "work wife" or nah?

He's an asshole for doing that. It isn't that hard to spend the evening with the other guys.

No. 102967

>>102952
Not the anon whose bf this is about but to me the issue is not really that might be attracted to her but the way he downplays it.

Like, he’s trying to sell it as something totally normal and not out of the ordinary and that she treats all the coworkers the same, yet there’s a bunch of pictures proving that they - in fact - are closer than the averages-workers.
Body language. Holding hands, sitting as close together, hugging … this is quite intimate for co-workers tbh. Even the co-workers of mine that I‘m friendly and meet out of work with I wouldn’t be as close with.

As so many others said: Seen it so many times.

Also, there’s a huge difference between finding someone attractive enough that under different circumstances you would consider hooking up and knowingly tip-toeing around the ‚this is cheating‘ line because you don’t have the balls with going through with either the breakup or the cheating. But sooner or later it will happen.

No. 102972

File: 1544660453053.jpg (Spoiler Image, 49.87 KB, 343x588, IMG_20181213_000642.jpg)

>>102954
Things like this make me so worried, like what if I am being overly jealous? He's gonna be really angry when he finds out I snooped so I need to be sure I'm not overreacting.

Have decided i have to say something though, will update tomorrow

No. 102979

>>102972
You're definitely not overreacting, I'd dump my bf if he ever acted like this. Holy shit how many photos does he have with this broad? The anons calling this innocent are either trying to goad you on purpose or have done shit like this themselves

No. 102983

>>102972
Why are you dating a Chad in the first place, anon? At least from what I can make out from his face shape and his obvious height.
What do you expect from a conventionally attractive person, lol? Same with her bf. The status isn't worth it.

No. 102986

>>102983
I want to see his face so bad lol. He might have super unfortunate facial features.. very handsome with the pink blob tho

No. 102994

>>102890
Not to add fuel to this fire but my first thing is wondering why his hand is anywhere near her ass in the first place. He's tall sure whatever, but anyone who isn't his gf he should have put his hand on her shoulder. She's grabbing him tightly around the waist and he's doing the same to her. Holding hands I'm not 100% on, but that's just not alright to me personally.
If she hugged every other man and woman in the party like this, it's how she shows affection I guess. But if it's just them two all night, something's weird and the closeness of that ass to hand combo is a warning sign imo.

No. 102998

>>102972
Paranoia or not, if it's making you uncomfortable and upset it's best you speak up rather than hold it in. Hope it all goes okay.

Do you remember what the card said exactly btw?

No. 102999

Also, shouldn't he be more mindful of this sort of behavior if he knows you're insecure?

No. 103001

File: 1544670234357.jpg (26.11 KB, 522x522, 61SkzB9dViL._SX522_.jpg)

does anyone use cannabis oil pain treatments? one of my coworkers swears by some balm thing but i'm wary of the huge price tag. i get a muscle strain in my back at work sometimes if i'm really busy or feeling stressed. it's not terrible enough to go to a doctor for, i usually just use icyhot but i want something a bit stronger. would rather not do pills.

No. 103002

>>102972
you should seriously consider getting tested if you haven't recently

No. 103020

>>102972
Check out his hand, he's interlocking arms with this bitch.

No. 103023

>>103001
I wouldn’t call it a miracle worker or anything, but it seems to work well for minor muscle pains and stiffness in my experience. It stimulates the blood flow in the area you apply it irc

No. 103028

>>102972
Stop posting my boyfriend

No. 103034

>>102807
Are children's skirts/dresses not incredibly short on you?

No. 103036

>>102863
Okay some things about this that make me uncomfortable:

1. The "men and women can't be friends" comment. It reflects so much on his view of women. The fact that he cut ties with other women but won't with this one is very telling. He may as well be wearing a sign around his neck that says he wants to fuck her.
2. In every photo they are touching. Like other anons said, if I didn't know the context I'd probably assume they were a couple. In one they are holding hands, he's not shy about touching her waist and in another they're linking arms. A little too close for my liking.
3. All of the photos are just the two of them together by themselves (alone in the cafeteria, alone on the dancefloor). Sure, these could be staged by someone taking photos for the facebook group but one of these photos is a selfie and another was taken in a random hallway, not at the party. None of the pics anon posted are group photos (which you'd expect to see at a staff party).

To be clear, I'm not the jealous type. My boyfriend has lots of female friends and I actually encourage him to make them because I think it makes men more sympathetic towards women (it's easy to dehumanise or objectify women if you don't actually know any beyond sticking your genitals in them). He told me that he brings up the fact that he has a girlfriend early on because a lot of girls will assume he's flirting if he doesn't and it makes them more comfortable. So if your bf doesn't do that, I'd be worried because it means that he wants to look available. Another thing is that my bf's female friends are usually part of a group, he doesn't hang around with one of them in empty cafeterias. If they go to lunch, they go to lunch as a group. If they go to a staff party, they hang around together. All of the photos from my bf's staff parties are groups of people sitting at tables or groups of people dancing. I wouldn't mind if he took a selfie with a female friend, but if I saw him with his arms wrapped around some other girl and he was bragging about how he wants to fuck every girl he meets yeah, we'd have a fucking problem.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this anon and I hope you gain the courage to talk to him about it. Your concerns are totally valid, especially considering his nasty comments about women. Guys like this rely on the fact that you'll look crazy if you try to speak up about it. All that guilt you're feeling about snooping is something he caused by having an argument about it with you in the past. If he respects you, he'd listen to your concerns and he wouldn't push the boundaries with what you're comfortable with like that! If he wasn't such an untrustworthy scumbag you wouldn't have the desire to snoop anyway. I like the other anon's ideas of trying to meet up with her for dinner or asking for photos but tbh that just prolongs your suffering. You may as well just spit it out and get it over with but don't do anything that would put your safety at risk. Good luck and I'll be thinking about you xx

No. 103038

>>102863
Do this
>ask to see photos from the party
>if he says none were taken call him out on his lying and tell him what you found
More reason to be concerned if he's lying about it

OR

>ask to see photos from the party

>He shows you the pictures and you can ask
>no one has to know you snooped

No. 103047

I’ve been crying in bed for a while now im so overwhelmed.

I found out my bf has been taking naked pictures of me without my consent. I caught him once and told him not to because it violated my privacy and he said he didn’t/he would stop.

I got curious today and checked his phone and saw many pictures he has taken like zoomed into different parts of my body wtf. I deleted them but I’m so upset over this. I don’t feel like I can trust him now .

I also saw he was messaging a girl and asked for her to add him on her premium snap since he had lost her or something. He is constantly watching porn (which is a little annoying) and trying to have sex with me as many times as possible but I didn’t think he went this far as to ask for premium snapchats. I feel so horrible and unsafe.

I also have no where to go if we break up. I make maybe 900 a month MAX and I had no family. It’s too expensive to live alone and I have no where to go if we break up. I’m so sacred and alone.

No. 103050

>>103047
Do you have a friend you could stay with? The guy sounds so skeevy. Wishing you all the best.

No. 103052

>>103047
Don’t you have friends that could let you crash on their couch or anything?

Too bad you deleted the pictures, because I would have reverse image searched the heck out of them. But check the girlfriend image thread and similar on 4chan etc. Just in case.

What I don’t understand is what’s the difference between porn and premium Snapchat? Premium Snapchat is basically porn, it just gives the illusion of being more personal. But it’s still porn and is totally fine imo. I really don’t see the problem with that.

No. 103054

>>103047
I'm so sorry you had to experience this anon. Your boyfriend is crossing way too many boundaries here, so you need to find some way of leaving him. He sounds pornsick, and the only way that will stop is if he is willing to see how unacceptable this behaviour is and stop engaging in porn. Do you think you could discuss this with him? If not, could you go and stay with friends for a while?

>>103052
Anon your last comment is so unhelpful. He's taking secret nudes without her consent, constantly pushing for sex, trying to engage a sex worker one-to-one, and still watching porn…and you honestly can't see how all these things could be linked? Now isn't the time for "uwu accept his porn use it's normal for men in relationships to watch women they don't know having sex! But idk why he would be acting in such a sexually inappropriate manner!"

No. 103057

>>103047
Wtf anon this is disgusting. Like >>103052 said it's almost guaranteed he's posted them somewhere online. Check to see what laws he's breaking in your country (does this count as revenge porn?). If this guy is obsessively watching porn and pressuring you into sex, he's sick in the head and you need to get out. I'm hoping you have a friend who could take you in for a while. Stay safe anon xxx

No. 103060

>>103054
>He's taking secret nudes without her consent
Which is disgusting and wrong, never stated otherwise

>constantly pushing for sex

Which is arguable but tbh from what anon wrote you can’t tell whether or not she has made clear that he’s pushy. Yes, it’s still kinda annoying to keep asking and asking even though you’re obviously not in the mood. But he might just have a high sex drive and I don’t see how asking for sex in a relationship is wrong, as long as he’s not raping or manipulating/pressuring into sex. And nothing in her text said he was doing either of those.

>trying to engage a sex worker one-to-one

Kek he was literally just asking to be added to the premium account because he probably had paid for it and losing access to something you paid for sucks. I don’t see how asking for the premium is genuinely trying to start an actual conversation

>and still watching porn

What’s the ‘still’ supposed to mean?
He has paid for porn and still watches porn? He asked anon for sex a lot and still watches porn? He has invaded her privacy and taken pictures of her and still watches porn?
Like, I genuinely don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.

But yeah, I personally only know guys (online and irl) that know the difference between porn and reality and still treat women respectfully. Porn is not the issue. The guy is.

No. 103062

>>102509
i have a really tiny upper body and can fit into some preteen stuff. sometimes i buy girls-sized shirts. i think that dress is cute and doesn't look particularly "childish", just casual. it's not weird unless you top it off with a big headbow or something like i see some lolitas do (i find that creepy myself.)

No. 103069

>>103060
Saying "trying to have sex with me as many times as possible" doesn't sound like anon is enjoying the sexual attention - any caring partner would realise that and knock it off. You might only find that "a bit annoying" but many would find the constant requests a source of pressure, which should never happen in regards to sex.

"I didn't think he'd go so far as to ask for premium Snapchat. I feel so horrible and unsafe" - again, anon clearly doesn't feel okay about this at all. If you don't mind your partner paying to watch a woman other than you perform sex acts then that's your deal, but many of us would find this extremely hurtful. I would class it as cheating, especially as it's so direct…it's not like finding a random porn film, many buy the Snapchat of women they really fancy for the intimate experience.

I said "still" because he's doing ALL of this. How much sexual content/contact does the average person need, really? And you're telling me that you think this is normal, and in no way influencing what he thinks is okay? Yes, obviously it is the individual guy who makes the choice to behave that way, but you can still recognise what might be driving him to do it.

No. 103081

>>103047
Please find someone looking for a roommate or a woman's shelter. You are not safe with this man.

No. 103142

>>103047
Please leave anon, that's so awful.
Re the naked photos thing, an ex did that to me a lot and I stupidly continued the relationship. It was symptomatic of a complete underlying lack of respect for women - I'm convinced he just didn't see women as human or anything other than objects. He ended up physically and emotionally abusing me and sleeping with loads of people behind my back. I'm still fucked up over it five years later. Please please please don't stay with him for security because it won't be safe in the long term. I'm sorry this happened to you.

No. 103155

>>103047
See if there's anyone in your area renting out rooms, or looking for a roommate like another anon suggested. Try to stay with a friend in the meantime, if you can. Sorry anon, please don't stay with this man.

No. 103160

So after 2 shitty relationships with misogynistic douches im so over it, clearly im incapable of seeing the signs due to my childhood with my dads and moms shitty relationship, now what i want to ask is
>>How can i find a guy who seems women as humans?
>>Are there such men? Really?
>>If so, what are the signs that hes a decent guy who wont cheat on me with the next “hole” that walks by?

No. 103166

>>103160
Can you describe the type of guy you usually go for?

No. 103167

>>103160
There definitely are men like this, I just wanted to quickly reply before someone else does because so many users here are jaded af.

The only thing I can recommend is knowing a guy for a really long time first, which is difficult because it relies on you making friends with a guy purely as a friend, but then somehow magically becoming attracted to them anyway. I just say this because all of the best guys I've ever dated were known to me irl first either as good friends or as friends of friends or something, so they were vetted in a sense and I already knew they they were less likely to be misogynistic to fit in with their crowds.
Even if you don't know him, you need to have chats irl to see where his ideals lie. Classic tells are how does he treat his own family, how is he with animals etc

No. 103168

I need some advice on getting a job. My resume sucks. I was in a toxic relationship for a while and he's made me stay unemployed because he gets jealous of any male co-workers and thinks they're all trying to have sex with me. So, all I have is 6 months of experience at a law office 5 years ago and 4 months in retail most recently earlier this year. Now that I'm not in that relationship anymore, I don't have enough work experience for my age and can't find anything that pays okay enough with day care hours (for my kid.) I also don't have any family or friends around to help me. It's starting to feel so hopeless. Every place I call just says "if we like your resume, we'll call you back :)" but they obviously won't.

No. 103184

>>102863
Any news?
The fact that there hasn’t been an update makes me feel like it didn’t go well.

No. 103187

File: 1544824985026.jpg (Spoiler Image, 596.96 KB, 1813x1728, IMG_20181214_165124.jpg)

>>103038
OK I did this and here's how it went..

I asked him if there were any photos of his staff party and he instantly saw through me. He just said 'this is about (girls name) isn't it'

I was completely unable to to hold in my emotions and started crying and asking what the fuck there was between them. I shouted a lot of things tbh about her being a slut and him being an asshole, he just sort of looked at me frowning, kind of sympathetically.

When I was done he admitted there was 'definitely chemistry' between him and this girl. He admitted to being sexually attracted to her. He says as soon as they met he knew there was a spark. I start crying again, thinking this is the end of our relationship. I always worried he would leave me for a new exciting fuck, and now it was happening.

But

A while ago we had a threesome with another girl. It was my idea, my fantasy, I arranged it through Tinder. And he says that now he's confused about where the boundaries are. Once he's fucked another girl in front of me, what's the problem with putting his hand round the waist of a coworker? He says he was planning on trying to get this girl to sleep with both of us. Once when I was drunk I said i thought she was attractive so he took that to mean I would be into it.

But that's totally fucked up? The boundaries might not be made explicit but they were implicitly clear. The threeway we had was arranged together, with both our knowledge. He says he was going to ask me about it 'once there was something to ask'. But in the mean time can't he see that I'm sat home alone like a fool, while he's out dancing and flirting with some younger girl he actively wants to fuck? With all his coworkers watching, thinking what an idiot I am?

He says he didn't think, he can see that now. He seemed a little choked up. He starts apologising and saying he realises how I must feel. And seeing him look genuinely cut up, I can't help but soften.

But now what? Am I meant to be OK with him going back to work with this girl? He says he will absolutely drop it and make sure everyone knows it was a fuck-up. But how can I trust that? Am I being gaslit here, surely he must've known how I would feel about it. Did he really expect me to be like 'oh you wanna bang some slut from your work, yeah OK I'm up for it'?

Oh and one more thing, he admitted to driving her home that night (!). But swears he didn't kiss her.

I really love him and can understand how boundaries might be less clear but I feel hurt. I'd be willing to try and get past it if I could absolutely trust him not to pursue her but how can I?

No. 103188

>>103187
Anon, I’m sorry but this relationship is dead and gone. There is no saving it. Judging by what you said before about your insecurities, I really doubt you’d be the one to bring up wanting a threesome (and honestly why didn’t you mention that earlier?)

He’s only sad because he got caught and feels that you’re on the brink of pulling away. You cannot trust him. He wants to flirt around and your trust is irreparable. You’ll be anxious every time he’s at work, every time he goes out, that’s no way to live.

When a man shows you his true nature, you need to believe that. This guy showed you that he’s a flirt and a playboy who cannot be trusted.

You deserve better anon. I know it’s not easy to cope with a breakup, especially during the holidays. But it’ll be worth it, you’ll heal, you’ll get better, and after some time passes you’ll see how much happier you are without him in your life.

No. 103189

>>103187

Anon, I don't mean to jump the gun here or make you feel like shit or blog, but my boyfriend acted the exact same way and a year later I found out he had been carrying on a relationship with another girl for half of our relationship. He gaslit the shit out of me and told me I was acting crazy, which basically I was because I knew in my gut that there was something wrong but didn't have evidence to prove it. I would bring things up and he would literally tell me that I was crazy and suavely make up some cover story about it. I would go on about how I knew there was something up with her but didn't have proof until one day I discovered he had a fake instagram that he had blocked me from and it had loads of pictures of them together, it was like everyone knew but me. Their relationship started by him driving her home from work one night. He begged me for forgiveness but I knew deep down that I would never, ever be able to get past what he did or trust him even though I loved him. Do you feel in your gut that something is wrong? Do you feel in your gut that you can't trust him? Do you feel like even though he knows how you feel, he might not be able to control himself? Have you caught him lying about other things in the past, things that he tried to cover up or covered up well? I feel like you know, deep down, that you can't trust him anymore. And as much as it hurts I think you should dump him. I'm really sorry, I totally feel for you.

No. 103190

>>103187
>>103189

just to add, this isn't your fault and don't think you're not good enough for him. It's totally his fault for being a jackass. You will be better off without him, I promise. The constant worrying and wondering if he's with her, if he slept with her, and the urge to snoop through his social media, is not worth it in the long run.

No. 103191

>>103188
>I really doubt you’d be the one to bring up wanting a threesome

It was my idea but that scenario felt secure, safer. The girl was a randomer from 50 miles away, at any time we could get rid of her and never see her again. Yeah I was a bit jealous but the important thing was that it was totally separate from the rest of our life.

No. 103192

>>103187
this hurts to read anon, i'm sorry that you're in this situation.

i can't see how your relationship is going to come back from this. he has already admitted to being sexually attracted to someone he sees often at work and has already been making moves to get close to her (as seen in the pictures). if you hadn't found out about this, he was going to ask her to fuck without you even knowing about her. if he had good intentions, he would not have been asking a girl for a threesome when you didn't even know about her. it seems like he is willing to be unfaithful and the threesome you previously had felt like some sort of permission to him.

No. 103193

>>103187
>A while ago we had a threesome with another girl. It was my idea, my fantasy, I arranged it through Tinder. And he says that now he's confused about where the boundaries are. Once he's fucked another girl in front of me, what's the problem with putting his hand round the waist of a coworker? He says he was planning on trying to get this girl to sleep with both of us. Once when I was drunk I said i thought she was attractive so he took that to mean I would be into it.
So basically, he's going to take advantage of your one time generosity to try and fuck every girl he wants to. 'Confused' my ass, he knows what he's doing and thinks he can get away with it now he knows you'll let him sleep with another girl.

I would break up with him for being a slut. But then again I would never participate in a threesome so maybe you can tolerate him actively making plans to fuck other women more than I can.

No. 103199

>>103187
The story doesn't make sense. Why would he try to get her to join a threeway when she has a boyfriend

No. 103203

>>103199
That's actually pretty in character for him tbh, even I had a bf when we met. He always tells his friends 'just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot'

Everyone is recommending I break up with him. I can see the strength of that argument and I know everyone will think I'm stupid but I don't think I'm going to. I think he is genuinely remorseful and if we try we can rebuild trust. We are engaged, we rent a house, we have a cat. I have to think he is serious about us.

No. 103205

>>103203
so this guy actively pursues women who are already taken, you included? you're delusional to stay with him. he WILL cheat on you and go "b-but we had a threesome once" (another mistake). you are always going to mistrust him, wonder if he's pursuing other women when you aren't around. and the answer will be yes.

please love yourself. this guy is red flag central and not life partner material.

No. 103206

>>103203
So you're saying you are dating a man-whore misogynist PoS and you are fine with it. Wow OK, you deserve each other.

No. 103208

>>103203
Since you're enganged I really think you should at least go see a couples counselor together. There obviously is some kind of communication issues

>got christmas card

>acted like it was nothing
>it was actually something

I don't blame you for feeling insecure.

Also since he thinks that "just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot" please reflect on what it actually means to be in a relationship with him.

I'm almost sure he will suggest an open relationship/marriage at some point

No. 103209

>>103203
At the end of the day, you'll have to be the one who decides if the pros outweigh the cons here. As anon, we can only go off of what you're telling us, one side of the story. We won't have to live with your choice. Stay if you feel like staying, leave if you feel it isn't worth it anymore. All the love in the world won't change a serial flirt or possible cheater. He can love you more than he's ever loved anyone in his life, but he's still going to do what he's going to do regardless. A person has to want to change on their own, not for someone else, even a loved one. There's no such thing as "The One." There's no such thing as a "Soulmate."

No. 103210

>>103203
Now you’re engaged? Before you just said he was your boyfriend. The fact that you’re engaged and have a House makes his behavior even more deplorable. There is really no saving this relationship. I’m sorry anon, this is the cold hard truth.

I made a mistake over the summer, I dated a guy who was still sleeping with his ex. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I tried to be the “cool girl” and hide my jealousy. In the end he was lying to us both, and ended up being a horribly manipulative and abusive person. I had ignored my gut feeling and my friends advice and in the end I was a fool. But I know better now. Men don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. You’re seriously ready to dedicate the rest of your life to this man? You want to spend the rest of your life anxious and insecure? Throwing threesomes at him to placate him?

You need to love yourself and move on. Because this will go up in flames, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, he will leave you with nothing.

No. 103213

>>103187
Okay anon, think clearly, you saw the christmas card and he lied about it, now ask yourself why would he lie about that at all if he thought you would love the idea?
He drove her home anon… I’m sorry but i think they did more than kissing…

No. 103214

>>103203
See, I am engaged and had a somewhat similar issue before and my current fiance did not and would not act like yours did, which is why we're engaged. Some girl I'd never met before messaged me with a bunch of outlandish claims, and some photoshopped convos. I snooped around and while he was a bit hurt that I didn't trust him, he was able to cut off a toxic "friend" who had been manipulating him, claiming she'd kill herself if he stopped talking to her.

If people have good intentions they don't act like assholes.

No. 103215

>>103213
This. I'm wondering why he felt the need to say he didn't kiss her when he drove her home

No. 103222

>>103203
Hey anon can I fuck your bf? I love tall white guys and you'll just forgive him anyway lmao

No. 103227

Fuck. Help.

I talked some shit about a lazy, entitled cunt at my workplace with a casual work mate. She agreed on the major parts, but in my annoyance I started bitching about some really petty shit about the lazy which is absolutely childish.


How do I navigate the situation if it could start to blow into drama/toxic work environment? Deny saying the petty shit? Quit my job? Admit it, but how?

I have no problem standing behind my words regarding the proper stuff, but the petty shit invalidates my whole character. I'm embarrased and don't know how to navigate the hypothetical situation.

No. 103228

>>103227
This exact thing happened to me at my work. The girl I was talking about confronted me. I just said 'I don't know anything about that', when she pressed me on it I said 'listen, I don't like to get involved in stupid stuff like this. Don't bring me into it'

Worked like a charm.

Take it as a life lesson to bitch less about people. Sometimes they hear about it.

No. 103230

>>103222
>>103203
I'm cackling.
Anon you absolute cuck

No. 103231

>>103203
Anon I was engaged once and slipped up drunk one night to a mate a ring doesn't mean anything, the right one could still be out there. I was being a lady about shying away from commitment and a couple of months later I ended the engagement. He doesn't sound like he's ready for such a commitment and is already thinking about drifting.

No. 103232

>>103213
Either that or he tried to make a move but she turned her down.

Saying that he didn’t kiss her without you asking is basically saying he wanted to.
Also:

>'definitely chemistry' between him and this girl.

>says as soon as they met he knew there was a spark
>always tells his friends 'just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot'

The only reason he says he’s gonna cut it off is because there’s no way for you to find out if he doesn’t.

He’s a child and in no way wants a relationship. He wants the best of both worlds. The security and amenities of having a girlfriend but also the freedom of someone who’s single. There’s a 99% chance he’s either gonna cheat and leave or suggest an open relationship/marriage.

I don’t know how many more red flags you need. If you choose to forgive and trust him again, don’t be surprised if you get hurt again, because you will. And you know why? Because he can. You let him.

Dump his ass and start becoming an independent and confident women. Don’t waste anymore time on this misogynistic, immature ass.

No. 103235

>>103232
or anon could just admit to her boyfriend that she's a cuckquean

No. 103236

>>103203
My sister married a guy just like yours.

You think your heart-wrenching insecurity hurts now? Imagine when you have his baby growing inside you. Imagine when you go through the pain of birthing and raising his kids and his fuck-around tendencies only get worse over time (they always do).
If you're not happy now, you'll be miserable when your burden increases tenfold.
Leave before he ruins your life. Let things get hard now, get your cat, get your things, go through that shit now so you aren't a single mother 5 years from now wishing you could go back in time and slap yourself.

No. 103238

>>103060
You sound like a handmaiden, pressuring someone for sex "because you have a high sex drive" is still shitty, especially as he knows she is restricted financially into staying there. It's coercion and is not "ok" just because he's not raping her. I doubt it is personal and loving sex either, based on the aforementioned porn addiction. He needs therapy.

No. 103239

>>103187
Telling your girlfriend you are sexually attracted to another woman is a douche move, AND THEN blaming her, because you secretly flirting (or more) with another woman you see every day is exactly the same as a consensual threesome arranged BY your girlfriend where the other woman is a stranger…

No advice but I hate this dude.

No. 103240

>>103187
This. >>103239

Like your boyfriend isn't "confused about the boundaries" he's a cunt. Doing something in a specific situation, where you both consented doesn't suddenly mean you guys have an open relationship, and even if he was """confused""" he should have asked you about it. Even if he thought you wanted a girl, he should have asked you first. Now he's trying to claim that he's trying to get you pussy as a present for another threesome you hadn't discussed. Well guess what, he was trying to date the other girl and present you to her as a potential threesome and hope you'd both be cool with eachother so he could have both girls. Someone who's trying to scout a girl isn't going to be taking so many pics with her like this. Boy is playing you both.

No. 103241

>>103203
Sunk cost fallacy. Unless this really is the best guy you could possibly get in your town/state/whatever, I don't see why such a raging douchebag should be tolerated. What happens if you have kids and find out he's been sleeping with Sally from down the road for years "because he thought you would be ok with it because of x"?

No. 103250

File: 1544849265119.jpg (151.65 KB, 1200x932, 1544847653845.jpg)

I need to post this meme here. I need to share this meme!

No. 103264

>>103187
Anon listen to me clearly.

He has no respect for you (anymore). He might have had a tiny little bit of respect for you priorly, but not enough to withstand a threesome. You gave him an inch, and now he's going to keep taking miles.

In his mind you forgave him for fucking a girl in front of you. So he feels like you will be crazy enough to forgive anything. If you forgive him now for trying to have an affaire with his co worker, you are confirming that. Next time you will actually catch him having fucked other people.



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