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I had a best friend who was very similar (although I did feel bad for her since she was a somewhat sympathetic person).
It seems you already outdo her/beat her to the punch when doing things. I'm sure your mutual friends notice and cringe a bit, but keep her around for whatever reason.
Is there a specific skill you possess which you know for a fact she does not? If so, show it off and if she tries to copy it will be painfully obvious that she's failed.
Does she have a hobby/skill unique to her that you've notice? Maybe this seems as two-faced as she is, but try praising her for it. That ego-boost may outdo any she gets from copying you, so she'll move on to show that off instead.
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Get someone to compliment her on something you did, as if they think she is the artist who did it.
Keep yourself busy. If it's a friend you're talking about, try to make more friends. Go out, hang out, have fun. You'll see their presence fading. Also try to reason with yourself, analyze your feelings and try to shake off the regrets. You can't go back in time, try to be a better person from now on, but try to explain to yourself there's nothing you can do, you gotta move on.>>87270
Of course I'm guessing, but it sounds like she wants attention/help but she won't ask for it directly. Maybe something has happened. Or maybe there's some misunderstanding. Saying "I miss you" and then going MIA is pretty attention-whorey, with all respect. I advise to just be straight-forward about it and ask.
What sort of style are you in to?
I can’t help much with makeup but I know clothes.
Prints aren’t always bad, it’s the type of print and how you combine them.
I wear a lot of plaids, and stripes, and a lot of women I know wear floral prints regularly. It’s definitely easier to skip them for colour blocking if you struggle with them though.
What colours do you like and what suits you? What colours do you combine, and what style of garment, like what cut of pants, shirt style.
The fit and the fabrics matter a lot. If your clothes are too big or small you tend not to look as adult, especially if you’re small.
If you’re going for a corporate sort of look, good cotton blouses (always ironed and crisp) with well fitted wool or linen trousers or a longer pencil skirt are classic staples.
Properly fitted jeans make a difference for casual wear. Any style can work as long as they fit.
If you choose plainer accessories like a good black or brown leather bag, and shoes other than trainers.
This is all super general rambling. Are there any particular items or combinations you’re struggling with anon?
I don't have a particular style. I think. I have all sorts of clothes.
Some days I'll be feeling flannel with plaids or a floral blouse, and other days I wear clothes considered more "thotty" I guess, like a tight shirt with an attached choker.
I generally tend to wear more darker, warmer, earthy colors but I also have some pastell pieces.
When I'm lazy, which is 75% of the time I'll just wear high waist skinny jeans and a T-Shirt with some band logo on it. Mostly Shirts for men because I tend to find them more comfortable.
What I absolutely hate are skirts. For the love of everything that exists, I hate skirts. I sometimes wear dresses, but that's rare and only when it's really hot.
Also I'm kind of chubby and small which makes finding fitting clothes extremely hard.
I have some "adult" clothes for job interviews etc, but they don't really fit and I look like a kid that plays dress up most of the time.
I don't like accessories, maybe a choker sometimes when I go to a bigger event, but usually nothing. I tend to carry around a black backpack with floral print because I need pockets, that's usually the only thing I always have with me.
Sorry if I didn't answer all your questions but stuff like combining, I really thinking about that kinda stuff - I don't do that often. I just choose some clothes that are in the same color scheme and throw 'em together.
You didn’t have to answer my weird sperging at all.
If you hate skirts, fuck em off.
To look more adult at interviews, get shit that fits. It’s probably easier to teach yourself to sew a ladder stitch with YouTube tutorials than find a shirt that suits your shape amongst the hellscape that is standardised clothing sizes. YouTube tutorials are perfect for this and you don’t need a machine. A couple of tiny darts at the waist or back make a lot of difference.
Unironed buttonup shirts look like shit unless it’s a casual flanelette.
People are picky and weird and looking a little more polished makes people see you in a better light in the workplace.
I’m iffy about chokers but that’s probably more because I’m a jewelry snob so im stupidly bias. There’s no need to start wearing it if you don’t like it.
Little things like loose threads or pulled fabric can make the difference between professional and hella sloppy even though it’s a tiny thing. Same goes with fabrics. You don’t seem like the type to wear cheap chiffon or bad silk.
It’s hard to fuck up neutrals. Good colour choices by the sounds of it. Best thing is to avoid trendy shit (eg the shirts with shoulder-holes, or those godawful khaki jumpsuits every girl on Instagram wore that one month come to mind)
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Not that anon but just chiming in to say I love leather backpacks for adults.
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Some are even convertible. I don’t like this style personally because I like more structured and formal lines, but it’s pretty dope
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I own something similar to this and just adore it.
they seriously are so god damn convenient and surprisingly comfortable. >>87604
weakest insult I've seen on this site by far
I seriously went to the shops looking for one today but sadly only found one, which was the wrong colour.
If anyone knows where I can get a brown convertible backpack/handbag online (that ships to Aus) pls advise.
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It's this one. Just more worn.I didn't even think that it looks childish, white girl style maybe, but childish? >>87524
thanks for your help btw, I wanted to get into sewing anyways, so i'll keep your advice in mind.
Not necessarily childish but it’s certainly not adult. I could see this in a 12-17 year olds wardrobe and fitting perfectly.
Better off with out the flowers, and better still leather. Tbh a normal handbag would mature your look a lot compared to the bag pictured.
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I'm really clumsy with handbags so I understand the backpack thing. I agree with >>87763
, though. The floral schoolbag style wouldn't really work on an adult. Something structured and made of leather or PU would be a good compromise.
I just ended my first relationship, that was long distance too. It was getting extremely toxic, since I couldn't trust him fully and asked to know if he's going out with friends etc. Even when going out with friends i wanted him to text me that he got safely back home. He kept telling lies about me(for all I know they were harmless most parts, just lying about which country I'm from , what I study). And just stopped telling me when he went out during the day or night, and then I later found out through FB after waiting for his call for hours to no end. I skipped a lot of things just to be able to talk to him on phone or at least try to when he ditched me. It really affected my anxiety and panic disorder to worsen in the past year.
Break up was okay since we both did agree in the end that this can't go on and for now we don't know how to fix this anymore. B U T i just wanna scream at him, asking him to be honest with me even once, it bothers me that he said "sorry about all the lies I spread about you" which makes me think maybe he told some bad ones? I want to ask so bad, but then again it's probably better to not contact him.
I don't want to see him with anyone else, I would kill for him
I dont know what to do, do I delete him and his friend(who is also my friend, I met them at the same time and became friends with them first before dating) from FB?
i'm just so at loss, I realized while dating him how truly alone I am. I don't have that many close friends to talk to, I barely see them since none live in the same city and I'm usually too broke to travel. I do have hobbies like gaming and cosplay but I just can't focus on them so much to forget about all this, I don't understand how to do it.
I'm starting at university this fall, so I'll try really hard to make new friends but I'm afraid I'm really awkward. I have heard that people mistake me for someone scary or stuck up when in reality I'm just awkward and don't know what to do.
He's the only person so far to know that I tried to kill myself when I was 15, and now I've started to think that maybe I was supposed to die back then but because I didn't, I took someone else's place. Like the place to university wasn't meant for me, I'm supposed to be dead, so someone else didn't get to university because of me.
I'm just a mess and don't know what to do, I truly wanted to make it work and stay with him until I die, do all kinds of things with him.
You didn't take someone's place. Everything you have achieved you earned. It sounds like he was very manipulative and abusive psychologically. Spreading lies about you and telling you he has? That's abusive and intended to degrade you.
He made you feel bad so he could keep you on a lead. Go out and shine, make new friends and new boyfriends. One abusive man is no representation of you. And you probably will disagree he was abusive, but from an outsider perspective he was.
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Im around 18 and my bf is like 6-8 yrs older than me, anyone else been in this type of age gap relationship and feel this way? Sometimes i wish i could fuck 16 yr olds. Something seems so refreshing to me about them, like a cold glass of lemonade om a hot day. With an older guy its like he had already experienced sex and proper relationships and i feel like im held up to that standard by him. What do I do anons? I love my boyfriend so much but sometimes i feel like we are just have very different levels of maturity.
seems a bit weird that you don't know the exact age of your own boyfriend>>87860
this is an obvious red flag
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I broke up with my longtime bf a month ago (was mutual) and we are doing OK so far. Still in contact and working on our friendship, but I'm going to be out of work for the next month and I'm a bit panicking. Usually on my free days we spend all our time together but now I have so much free time and no one to spend it with (not exactly many friends). Pretty scared of the time alone. Has anyone an advice on this situation?
No im srs because he works alot, we only can really spend 2 days a week together. >>87864
Well im not exactly sure i think he is 24 or 25 he is very secretive.
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Ew you want to fuck a 16 year old?
This had better be bait
Well its only a year gap, better than 8 yrs right? >>87910
He doesn't have his age on his facebook, is this super sketchy? I honestly never asked and he just didnt ever tell me straight out. >>87913
I think I'm going to break up with him, i was playing league with his roommate and he told me my bf invited this asian girl over to help her build a pc
I dont know if his friend is lying or my bfs cheating but he told me he was sleeping all day due to working night shift sooo.
And btw he has never let me talk to this asian girl, everytime they play league together he never lets me join and ignores me. I've also seen her comment cute bear stickers on his facebook but I thought I was just being a jealous girlfriend thinking there was a problem with that.
No it’s never okay to want to fuck children when you are an adult. If youre 18 or older it’s gross to have sex with a 16 year old.
Also how have you not realised that you are at best a side piece for this guy who’s age you don’t know and who doesn’t want you around except for sex. He isn’t your boyfriend anon..boyfriend implies some sort of relationship other than ‘get on my dick and go away’
If it was an actual relationship you’d know more about him than a general age group lel.
I’m just too old to think teenage boys are cute. I’m normal and dated within my age group. Cute projecting tho.
So what should she do? Stop giving her shit for wanting to date a guy her age.
Dating an adult man when you're a teenager doesn't make you cooler than those "lame teen boys".
I assumed she was out of highschool and simply didn’t think anon would have much in common with a boy who was.
I don’t think she should be dating someone so much older and never said so.
Not remotely mature enough to be in a relationship, at all.
Which is fine, they should just date some sweet boy from their English class and get advice from somewhere they are supposed to be.
That doesn’t make it not gross imo.
An 18 year old has presumably left high school and is living a very different lifestyle.
Sure if the 18 year old is immature or whatever but ime, most people have changed significantly between 16 and 18 and have totally different lifestyles.
Poms let kids of 16 drink at the pub though don’t they? Maybe it’s really different with your kids.
I never said it wasn’t gross to be used by an old man as well?
That should just go without saying anon.
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Am I an asshole if I buy my aunt a birthday gift but not her daughter (my cousin) ?
A little backstory:
Cousin is turning 20 this month. I’m 22.
We used to be very close growing up. Idk what happened but she stopped making effort to talk to me and keep in touch. I tried to politely bring it up several times over the years but she always gave me excuses and the cycle continued.
Am I an asshole if I don’t send a card or birthday gift? I was thinking of just sending a text and that’s it. (Like she does to me). I’m only asking because my aunt sends me gifts during my birthday. But I know the gifts are not from the both of them. It’s always signed by only my aunt and not my cousin. My cousin never asks what kind of gift I would like or if I received anything in the mail. We both work jobs and make our own money so I don’t think it’s fair if she tries to argue that the gift was from her as well considering she put no sentimental effort into it or spent any money.
And it’s not really about the money, it’s the thought. But I do live on my own with my bf and she gets a very comfy lifestyle making more money than I do, rent free with financial support from her parents. She claims she’s busy a lot because of work but she can’t be bothered to send me a card or little gift. I feel like I’m spending for both my aunt and cousin when we’re not that well off, where as my cousin can’t be bothered to think of me time to time at the very least with her better financial upbringing.
Nobody called them a pedo, and I guess the culture matters a lot. Where I’m from they are two entirely different groups. Our 18 year olds are living independently, working, going to university, and legal to enter pubs/clubs.
16 year olds here are still in grade 10, live with mum and dad, and lack the sort of independence older kids have. They can’t drive, can’t go to a pub/club/concert without a parent. They might sneak off to a party and get drunk but they are effectively still children in every way. The social norm here is disgust at the idea of dating a teenager because the social norms and expectations are closer to what Americans expect from their 21 year olds and over.
Either way, imo it’s nasty, but the anon wasn’t even 18 they are underage and immature enough that it’s probably fine for them.
It sucks but if she’s an adult, and not an immediate threat to herself or others, nobody can force her into treatment.
The most you can do is encourage her to seek help, encourage her to cease
contact with her bullshit parents, call an ambulance if she is dangerous, and protect yourself from taking on her trauma.
If you ever bring her into your home, set boundaries even as you offer comfort and love. It sounds awful but she could have a personality disorder and it’s unwise not to put in place strict boundaries.
It’s so fucking hard to watch anon, I’m sorry you’re living with this.
I think the situation is a bit over your head, even though you mean well.
This is a girl suffering because she never truly had caring parents and went through abuses by people she chose to trust. She's lost. What's worse is that she's made company with people who tell her that sex work decisions are perfectly fine, and she doesn't have a guiding figure whom she respects enough to handle the criticism about that. She has no one to help her voluntarily, in a loving tone.
You can't be the mother and father she never had anon.
The most you can do is have an open door policy to talk to her, and be honest with her. If she chooses to put herself in danger and not seek professional help, then there isn't much you can do.
Her mother is a Canadian citizen which allowed her to go to school.>>88013
She was actually diagnosed with BPD last year. Thanks for the advice. I'm gonna try to talk to her next time I see her.
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I don't have a history of mental health issues, but I've been having frequent auditory hallucinations. Is this something I should talk to a doctor about? I'm only on birth control pills, no other medications.
See your gp for a referral to a psychiatrist.
Any sort of hallucination without having taken something like lsd is obviously a big deal. I’m amazed that nobody has taught you something like this. Someone has failed you anon.
See a doctor for any drastic shift in your mental state.
(Also any infection that lasts more than like a week or two, bloody vomit/stool, any head injury, and unexplained/non-menstrual vaginal bleeding)
That depends on what the voices are saying.
If they're urging you to do something bad, then yeah, go silence them.
If not, then listen.
Same goes for inanimate sounds.
You just have to tell him straight up that you aren’t interested but still appreciate his company anon. It sucks, since he will be hurt for a while, but you can always rekindle the friendship afterwards. I have close male friends that have mistakenly equated emotional intimacy for falling in love and it took a little while after I rejected them to be able to talk with them again, but it ultimately made the friendship stronger.
That being said, if he reacts angrily or hurtfully towards you immediately with no apology now or later whatsoever, then you should cut contact ASAP.
Are you retarded or trying to act edgy or what? This is coming from someone who used to have auditory hallucinations frequently lmao>>88108
Get your ass to the doctor. It's dangerous and will obviously impair your daily life. There's a multitude of illnesses you can develop at any time in your life and certain ages are more susceptible to certain illnesses and that needs to be addressed.
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Whatever. Enjoy the schizophrenia.
Well, it's been specifically mentioned on some of these clinic sites that egg donation is indeed a voluntary act that is done for free as per the EU law BUT due to reasons mentioned here >>88162
the person is 'rewarded' for the act of kindness along with covering costs of stay. The price seems to go anywhere between 700eur to 1000eur.
I think I'm going to give it a try and apply to a clinic which seems to be reputable. I can always post here a feedback after I'm done if anyone's interested. I mean, I know it's not easy but if there's another euro anon that might want to go through with that for extra cash and taking into account that there's not much info online regarding it, I'd be happy to provide additional info.
When did I act holier-than-thou and when did I give my opinion in my post? Quote what makes you think I'm holier-than-thou. I swear to god some farmers should take a literacy test before being allowed to post here.>>88177
You mean the cost of staying at the hospital or something similar is given to you as compensation and not as a "price" for your eggs? Then it's different from what I thought you were talking about.
Well, yes. On a few sites, it's accommodation costs + the compensation for going through all of that.
I'll see about it yet but tbh doesn't sound that bad.
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Bf has a very bad receding hairline and he insists on having long hair which only exaggerates the recession. It looks okayish when he has it in a man bun, but at the end of the day he still looks like the guy trying to salvage his hair because he's insecure about losing it.
He's going to be 28, so he's fairly young for this to be happening to him.
Is there anything I can say to talk him into getting his hair styled and cut?
I know men are really sensitive about this issue, even his friends say he should think about taking it off. I don't want to hurt his feefees, but it honestly looks bad and pathetic.
Imagine pic related with long, greasy hair that he doesn't style and throws into a bun at best. This is why I'm not sure if telling him to cut it short will make it any better, because he's so lazy about hair care that I don't think he'll maintain it. He'll let it get shaggy again.
Cut it in his sleep
Have you bluntly told him he should get a hair cut?
ugh, my boyfriend does this too even though his hairline at 25 doesn't look nearly as bad as he thinks. he is afraid to cut it and lets it grow out to this weird bowl-like medium length before doing anything about it. it's especially bad since he doesn't really style it and it's always greasy. i man up and tell him to get a haircut all the time but he usually has to wait for his mommy to do it. his usual style is really sloppy & unprofessional and probably the reason he can't get a job
. i hate to be a cunt about it but he's so sloppy with his appearance in general.
I'd be angrier in the long run if someone let me walk around looking like a fool tbh >>88210
Yeah, but he brushes it off because at his core he doesn't want to do it.
When he was younger he had long hair so having to cut it short must feel like he's losing a part of his youth and identity.>>88214
I'm thinking this may be the way to go, although I've tried suggesting styles before. Maybe if I act more enthusiastic about it he'll get more into it. Problem is I'm not very good with man styles so I have no idea what will make his head look better, I google search for 'receding hair styles' and a bunch of these men are in better situations than my bf. He has no volume to work with towards his forehead whatsoever and the recession on either side of his frontal patch of hair is extreme. It really does look like the picture I posted.
Makes his head look eggy.>>88223
Bf has a job as a bartender and he wants to work at a swanky cocktail salon eventually. I hate to burst his bubble but no high end establishments will hire him with hair like he has. Which is a shame because he's a great people person, just no sense of style and personal hygiene whatsoever.
I feel you sis.
Because I overlooked it for his more personable qualities? Five years changes a lot in people as well, he wasn't balding so badly when I met him and most guys will put their best forward during the first year or so you're with them.
But you're right anon, I should upend my life immediately because bf won't get a haircut.
Honestly? A few.
Does unwashed hair bother you?
Does he shower daily and just neglect to wash his hair or is it an all-over deal?
How charming is he in order to counteract being physically unclean?
Why would you think haircut was associated with hygiene?
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>>88278>Does unwashed hair bother you?
Yes, but that's not the problem here. I said 'greasy' because long, unkempt hair looks that way on men. It doesn't mean he bathes in bacon fat and never showers.
>Does he shower daily and just neglect to wash his hair or is it an all-over deal?
>Why would you think haircut was associated with hygiene?
You know it's literally whatever you say at this point since you dictate the rules.
So yes ma'am.
So what does greasy mean if not ‘has grease on it’v
What does hygiene mean if not cleanliness?
I’m not the one redefining words here. Why are you so defensive over this lol?
>>88284>So what does greasy mean if not ‘has grease on it’v
That's been clarified for you.>What does hygiene mean
I quoted you a definition and you told me that haircuts and keeping hair are not included.
You're nitpicking semantics with me because you realized D U M P H I M wasn't an appropriate solution to this issue. You've dropped what initially annoyed me, and moved on to something even more grating somehow.
You sound autistic, tbh famalam.
>>88284watching with a bowl of popcorn
Honestly the hair thing. Men are terrible at knowing what to do with their hair (because caring about looks or cleanliness is GaY, apparently)
Shorter curled (permed?) hair might be a thing. Receding hair+shorter curly hair looks cute. From shoulder length to a few inches long, not super short. The bulk and the curl pattern distract from the hairline.
So you redefined greasy, and are now mad because I asked a question based on your new definition, then pointed out that the questions you got so miffed over wouldn’t have been asked if you’d used a word like the rest of the English speaking world, and I’m the asshole redefining words?
Tell your carer to get a haircut and speak properly autist.
You are aware something can look
greasy without actually being so?
Semantics-chan, all I'm trying to communicate is that long, stringy hair on dudes looks greasy. Are you ESL?
And don't come at me about "redefining" words when that's exactly what you did when I quoted you this >>88279
We need to get you a tard wrangler, you're embarrassing yourself.
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>>88279>Personal Hygiene>keeping hair short or removing hair>>88280>Cutting your hair isn’t hygiene, regardless of what Wikipedia says.>>88287
STOP REDEFINING REEEE
This is gold omg
Nobody said Wikipedia says all men with long hair are dirty?
It was to shut the anon up who thought that hair care, including haircuts, didn't count as personal hygiene.
In any event this anon >>88302
is right. Most men with shitty long hair would look vastly sharper with shorter hair.
I developed this heavy crush on a fellow student and recently got into some conversation with him. A professor interrupted us and abducted him.
A week later, the semester is finally over, I go to his party to tell him that I like him, but I chicken out.
I text him the next day, saying that we barely see each other and it will only get shittier without classes, he takes two days to respond, claims he didn’t receive it earlier - and imessage really didn’t show “delivered”, so whatever.
He replies with his plans for summer and that he “would be happy if we could see each other” and after I tell him to “get in touch whenever he’s bored” he, again, replies that he’ll happily get in touch. Otherwise he was pretty short-spoken and the text conversation didn't last for more than 3-4 messages.
Now I'm torn, maybe he isn’t completely turned off by me but maybe he's just being nice? fml
That was Monday, and I haven’t heard from him since. He told me he would be busy with family from Wednesday on, so idk. Every passing day feels like forever, I can’t stop thinking about him, I really want to hook up.
I don’t know him well, so I don't know whether he’d be flattered or annoyed by me keeping the texting up.
What’s the best option here? Wait till he texts? Text him? If so, when is the best time and how open should I be about my intentions?
I don’t want to appear too desperate but I’d like to let him know that I’m into him.
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Invite him to do something specific, instead of just tossing ever more balls into his court.
You need to get a job, that's how I've met all my friends.
Join a sports club, push yourself out of your comfort zone.
not trying to be mean but>agoraphbia, depression and general anxiety
literally just go on therapy and get prozac like everyone else. or just google psychiatric hospitals near you https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Psychiatric_hospitals_in_the_United_States_by_state
but considering you're not schizophrenic or something like that it seems like a super unnecesary and drastic measure over… social anxiety. legit just go to therapy. there are online therapy services too. life isn't girl interrupted, you're doing a lot anon.
a friend of mine shortly spent time in one of those hospitals because of a suicide attempt. and even her, who frankly was certified insane, only stayed for less than a month. its not glamorous or fun and its frankly a pain in the ass when what you're dealing with can be treated with therapy. a not so close friend also got committed over an eating disorder + suicide attempt. and she stayed very shortly too. but getting committed over anxiety and depression doesn't sound right to me honestly.
IP psych units are stretched to the limit holding the dangerously suicidal or untreatable schizophrenics. Anxiety, agoraphobia, and depression without an immediate, viable suicide plan do not belong in IP.
You need a mild antidepressant and a six week CBT course anon. If you don’t know that you’re not an eligible paychiatric inpatient client, youve clearly not exhausted your treatment options.
Go see a gp, you’ll be fine in under a year unless you really try to fuck it up.
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Idk where rlse to post this, I tried to google "tiny leg dent" and "skin indentation" and whatever else I could think of, but all I get are pics of huge advanced melanomas, cysts, abscesses and other nasties that don't look anything like what I have.
A few days ago I noticed this weird dented spot on my left leg, and it's freaking me out because I know it's not from an injury or a bite. I'm worried it could turn into something serious, but I don't have great insurance right now… and I'm slightly paranoid because my family has a lot of history of skin cancers. I know there are some medical/nursing anons on here sometimes. Sorry about the leg hair, I'm lazy.
Nope, not a burn. Like I said, nothing happened that could have caused it, I only noticed it because I was shaving my legs.>>88688>>88689
It does, but I had chickenpox when I was 5 and this only came up a few days ago. I'm perplexed, honestly.
Ive been on meds more than 10 years now. As for the agoraphobia, I have gone without leaving the house for months at a time. I’ve gone to therapy too. I’ve attempted suicide once.
I’m on a mood stabilizer and anti-depressant right now, was actually going to try to talk to my psych about changing again..
I’m just desperate at this point
I don't have anything to offer anon but I just wanted to say that I'm in the same situation except I've never tried Adderall.
I've only just worked up the courage to contact my doctor about it because I read so much about it's difficult to be taken seriously as a young woman as they just think you're exaggerating or trying to get ahold of Adderall for other reasons, and so now I'm so fixated on preempting the doctor being suspicious that I'm acting even less authentic. It's a mess, doing any research was a mistake.
I hope it goes better for you anon
Late reply here but many artists do these kinds of commissions but if you're judging yourself before anyone else does then it doesn't sound like it's for you. If you feel weird about it and you're doing it using your usual style/pseudonym, just apologize and say you couldn't follow through on the commission.
Source : I drew a lot of porn requests as a teenager on 4chan because I was flattered people wanted me to draw but now I live in fear.
Try new meds, ask about exposure therapy (which probably should already have been done tbh)
No hospital will take anyone in for agoraphobia.
Anons with (successful) long distance relationship experience that started via internet, any advice? I've started talking to this guy on instagram, it's obvious he is into me but its extremely fresh and we live in different countries. I get so many butterflies when we message already which is extremely rare for me. I have no experience for something like this, and part of me is like no it's ridiculous but another part is like, nothing is impossible and its happened to other people. How does it just, idk, happen? How does the ball start rolling? Obviously I would never go meet him just by myself in another country, and stay safe, etc.
Even if not him, I'd like to be open to long distance and foreign guys. I'm so picky that I just never find anyone local and when I do they are so shitty to me so I feel I might as well open up to more chances because there are so many people in the world.
I feel like I would have no problem with a LDR, since I have no interest in most people in the first place (and when I do it's very strong), and I'm okay with being alone for a lot of the time, and I have been wanting to travel more for myself anyway.
I got diagnosed at 21, but I've never taken the medication
Maybe I should, but i'm getting by without it. it's hard work though. I like having the skills to keep going on my own without drugs
I know the drugs are really important to some people. and some people can;t live productive lives without them (so far i can but its a big struggle) but i really hate the way that drugs get pushed on people so hard for adhd instead of being a choice
I saw someone once online saying that their partner wouldn't even talk to them until they took their meds every day, even on weekends when they didn't need them for work or anything… I think that's pretty scary
I hope your dad gets better and with no complications!
And you should go to the doctor just to get that fear that you might have something wrong with your heart!, even if you don't have any problems I think it's better to be sure so you can be calm. For exercise and motivation I suggest playing a dance game (like Just Dance) it gets you moving and it's fun, doesn't feel like exercise and you can do it alone at home (with some ps3 or even online in the computer), eat veggies everyday, I also love junk food so I eat some cheetos ONE time a week.
I lost more weight at home than in the gym, don't think it to much because you'll get lazy, just do it, get up and dance that game or jumping jacks or even a youtube routine! Best of luck.
Thank you anon <3
I’m so gross that I probably have like, 5 vegetables per year… something i’ll need to work on.
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I'm thinking of becoming a nun.
I'm not religious but I have no motivation in terms of pursuing a social status of any sort, I don't want to get married or have kids. Sex doesn't interest me. I don't care about clothes or makeup.
The only things I care about are programming, drawing, reading books and playing piano but I don't think I have the capacity to make a career in any of those.
I'm in my mid 20's and currently I have a job that's ok but I don't like it at all and I don't see myself in anything tbh.
I just want a life of peace and meditation, sheltered away from the public.
There are covenants that are strictly women only with no men allowed, and it seems that you don't need to have a degree in religious studies or something related to become a part of it. Of course, I know nuns do chores and charitable work etc.
Do any of you anons know someone who went that way, became a nun and such? I'm in the EU if it matters.
I guess it's stupid to ask life changing things on an imageboard but I have no one else to talk to and I'm not entirely sure myself.
First step for you would be to find a monastery and just stay there for a few days to two weeks just to see if it is appealing to you.
Then you can choose to become a novice, which basically means be a nun for a yearish without taking any vows or oaths. So you can still get out of it if you don't end up liking it. Once you take the vows they expect of you to freeze your accounts etc. or donate all your money to charity so it is difficult to go back from taking those vows.
There are lots of monasteries in the EU, so enough to choose from. Look around before deciding to join. Also think about whether you'd rather join a Catholic monastery or an Orthodox Christian one etc. since there are some differences. The Orthodox ones tend to be more sheltered than the Catholic ones as an example.
Wow, thanks anon! You sound really knowledgeable. Yes, I'll do just that. There's already a covenant that I'd like to join and the sisters there were really friendly but I'll take small steps like you suggested.
I wasn't sure how it worked technically with bank accounts and all but now it makes sense.
I was looking into becoming a nun myself so I did some research. I recently read a book called ''Letters to a Beginner: On Giving One's Life to God''
by Abbess Thaisia. Not everyone is made for life in a convent so it's indeed best to just take little steps. Like remember you would be living with lots of women together, even there they have trouble with gossip and they expect you to obey the elders. Plus potentially taking an oath of poverty is a big deal.
Life in a convent is very appealing though. Even after just staying for a week I didn't want to go back home, it was just so peaceful. Society is ridiculously unnecessarily hectic. So I definitely understand your desire to join a convent.
Thanks, anon, it really means a lot.
I just feel out of place in this society. I'm not trying to sound like a special snowflake but I'm glad that there's someone else that understands me.
> Even after just staying for a week I didn't want to go back home, it was just so peaceful.
That sounds so wonderful. I hope I achieve that inner peace.
I know that it's none of my business, but I'd really like to talk you out of this, anon.
I live in a catholic area of Germany, I went to a convent school, so I witnessed how people there live and my brother is studying to be a priest so I also get to know a little bit about this topic through him.
Like the other anon said, before joining you have to leave everything behind. Even in convents that aren't as strict things like watching TV or even eating snacks is a rarity. You probably never get to use the internet again. As an example, I'm "friends" with a nun, she's collecting stuff which then is donated and one man who brought them goods gifted her one beer. She then told me that she's going to share that beer with all the other sisters, so 1 beer for 10+ people…
Most work in charity or schools, but many also in nursing older people or the older nuns. Would you be able to do that?
The thing that sounded the worst to me is, then the monks from my school told us, that in TV shows etc convents are always portrayed as everybody doing everything together, as one community, but in reality it's the opposite. In some convents you're not allowed to talk during lunch and you might not meet any of the others all day long - meaning you're going to be alone all day. He said that while they'll greet each other if they meet, they certainly aren't friends. So it's a life in solitude. It can also happen that they'll send you to somewhere else, you don't really have a say.
The people who do this, are able to because of their belief. They basically live for prayer. But since you aren't even religious, I reckon that you'd have a very hard time.
It's not always that bleak, it really depends on the monastery. The one I stayed at has a website and webshop, so they do have internet, and they have snacks outside of fasting periods.
Though yeah a lot of nuns are older so if you join as a young'un you are kind of expected to help out. Even at the most sheltered convents you'll have a bit of that.
I appreciate your post and I'm definitely going to think it through. A vow of poverty is not something to be taken lightheartedly.
That being said, life of solitude and quiet sounds absolutely perfect.
It goes without saying that I'll have to do chores.
The only thing I'm not sure if I can completely live without is internet.>>89511
Indeed, I remember reading about hermits and envying their life. In any case, it's comforting to know that there's a place to seek solace.
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How do you deal with jealousy? I know this is mostly my own fault and I have to work on myself, but how do you stop? Anyone ever had success?
Bf made an instagram account a while ago. Didn't think much of it until I went to check it out to out of curiosity since it's public. Apart from memes he only follows blonde women, mostly with curly hair and usually from his town or somewhere around. He doesn't have many friends and I know most of them, but he never mentioned any of the ones he follows so I'm a bit puzzled and slightly panicky, even more so since he's not the type go go out. It's also oddly specific??
Obviously I can't ask him about it since he doesn't know I have an account, which is an old throaway that I used to post caps here. Yes he used to be shady in the past and was a big flirt before we got together so that's why I'm somewhat panicked. He also says he works a lot lately which I do believe but the communication did go down between us as far as I noticed.
Anyway, how do I stop obsessing over this and feeling insecure as shit?
I mean if he has a shady past this sounds a bit less like jealousy and perhaps healthy concern?
But if you feel like he would react poorly if you brought it up or that you're panicking over nothing, it's best to just stop yourself from looking at his social media.
It's been proven that social media makes this worse.
That's fucking annoying tbh, why is it okay to men to follow 100 insta thots? I mean what do they get from looking at the photos of girls every fucking day. My friend had a problem like this and the dude was really manipulative and made her feel bad for just asking him why.
Anyway, I think if it bothers you and makes you feel less of yourself it's not alright (and you talk about his past, he sounds kinda annoying).
It doesn't really work ("to get rid of it" the feeling) imo, with my friend it didn't work, and in my own experience (my ex did the same, follow lots of asian hoes) but you know what? I stopped worrying and feeling less when I stopped caring about him, naturally stopped loving him, same for my friend.
Most people say "stop checking each other social media", that's kinda stupid, everyday we use it and it's normal to check our partners stuff because we are interested.
If you want to talk to him about it maybe create a new account and say he appears on your recommendations. But he's going to get really defensive (most dudes do) arguing that it's normal and it's not his fault you feel insecure..
Do you drink coffee or too much sugar?, if this is a new thing maybe analyze what changed in your routine.
If it has been going on for too long maybe go to a doctor?, don't be afraid or stigmatized beforehand. If it's starting to ruin or affect your quality of life you need some help. Good luck!
I had an ex like that. Had few friends all of which I knew then noticed all the specific girls he followed on Instagram were what he referred to as skate hags, girls that would hang out at skateparks. He use to make a point to complain to me about them all the time when he'd come back from the skatepark. They were all underage. He left his fb up one night when we had people over and I was fairly drunk so checked his activity on fb and it was him searching all these skatehag girls fb and photos after photos. Wonder what he had been doing…
Anyway we broke up and he started hanging out with his 18 year old brother and going to highschool parties. He's 30.
I wouldn't worry, unless you have other mental symptoms you probably aren't having hallucinations.
There's lots of causes for these sort of sensations (look up Paresthesia). If you haven't got diabetes that'll probably be the first thing a doctor will test for. However you can get these sensations from stuff like anxiety or deficiencies. I think also where you are on the cycle can affect hormone levels which can cause these sensations.
If it's worrying you there's no harm in getting checked out, even if you just get peace of mind from it.
it's nice that your parents saved money for you to go to school, mine were like fuck you get a scholarship or go to community college.
i wish you the best of luck though. your parents may be strict, but they want to to have the best possible and get a useful degree. don't beat yourself up and i'm sure you can survive and graduate without flunking out.
Tell his family, it's on them to comfort him if he's truly upset, but it sounds like he's trying to manipulate you into getting back together. You're not married, you have no contract to emotionally support him. Message his mom, sisters, female relative ideally about it with screencaps and say you're worried about him but you are broken up, want to be able to move on with your life, and just to let them know he might need additional support from them, or to discuss it with them.
Either he needs support and gets it, or he was lying and he'll be too embarrassed to do that again
It's very hard to believe he would actually kill himself, but I don't know him like you do so I think you should contact his family and tell about this. Even if he is not actually suicidal, he is clearly in mental distress and doesn't know what to do. He will most likely get over it sooner or later, but I really think you should contact his family. Also as tempting as it may sound, you shouldn't get back together with him if you already have a good reason to break up with him. Otherwise you will be forever stuck in that cycle.
His intentions may not be abusive even though threatening with suicide is one of the many abuser tactics, it's most likely about him being confused and panicking over losing you.
We have been arguing a lot.
The clean clothes I put in his drawers aren’t getting washed.
Replace the detergent with bleach, and then write BLEACH on the label because he won't look. If he asks, say you lost the cap to the bleach. get a new detergent and put it somewhere in the laundry room where it won't be what he reaches for first.
Or, you know, talk to him.
Visit more often?
Damn, once in 3 years is awful, anon. I don't know your situation ofc but as someone from a country that young people tend to emigrate from, I know people who moved continents and are working shitty shady jobs visit way more often than this.
Leaving this aside, call them, Skype/facetime, ask them to send you pics and send some back until it's a habit you share life more. Maintain an active bond and they'll be present in your life, so you won't miss them this much. This way you can also improve your relationship.
Option B, you can surround yourself with more people and try to drown out the longing with other meaningful relationships but it ain't easy and you may regret not staying in contact with the fam later…
The guy I’m seeing at the minute is really great and I like him a lot, but I’ve noticed he does this thing that makes me slightly uncomfortable? He sort of implies that I’m fat. Although I have a lot of issues with my body, I know that I’m not actually fat. I’m 5’5 and maybe 120lbs at my biggest, 100lbs at my smallest, so right now I’d say I’m about 110. The first time it happened, we were walking and I mentioned how I don’t do much exercise, and he jokingly grabbed my stomach and said, “is that why you have this then?” And I sort of laughed it off and didn’t think anything of it. But he’s said things like that again. We were at my house on my bed, and my bed is quite old, so if you rest on the headboard, it goes back quite far. He was sitting on the bed and I climbed on and lay against the headboard, and the bed sank a bit, and he said again in a jokey way, “you’re so fat, look what you did to the bed”. Then this weekend, we were cuddling in bed, and I had my knees up to my chest which obviously gives me more of a belly, and he grabbed it and asked how much cake I’d been eating…again I sort of laughed it off, but it’s been making me feel a bit uncomfortable? He grabs my thighs and my stomach during sex a lot too. It just makes me slightly uncomfortable because I have suffered with EDs in the past and kind of still am. I feel like it’s messing with my perception of myself. What could he mean by doing this? Does he want me to lose weight or is he joking around?
I wasn't sure if he was one of those weird boyfriends who wants his girlfriend to be skelly, but then you mentioned he grabs your stomach during sex.
He might have a fetish and wants you to gain weight tbh. Or he just has a thing for soft girl bellies, that's surprisingly common from what I've seen. And spoken as a girl who has a thing for unconventional traits in men, it can be read as teasing/pressuring them into meeting conventional standards if you aren't careful with your wording.
But as other anon mentioned, you're best off asking him.
and I never dated or fucked this guy, just trying to give some insights to anon.
Oh, sorry for assuming. You are alright then.
I just think most relationship problems with women come from them undervaluing themselves. There is no reason to stay with someone who insults you, manipulates you, etc. Unless that is your thing ofc. It kind of makes me mad and wish I could help them but I know my words probably won't reach them because "he's so amazing!!!" even though he treats her like human refuse.
those people don't get into relationships lmao. you really think those PUA return of kings idiots actually get anywhere? get off the fucking internet.
you're making tons of crazy assumptions when anon hasn't even reported back with his response yet.
men are stupid and it definitely seems like a fetish thing, and he probably is turning himself on without realizing he's the only one enjoying it.
the way he's doing it would be piss poor even if he was trying to neg her, especially the thing about the bed.
>>90457>common thing men do
go out and talk to someone irl please
this shit is not a "common thing" it's insane shit that incels talk about on the internet. most men irl are fucking morons and need to be told what they're doing is hurtful. sure there are some people who will then take advantage of it, but fuck your level of paranoia isn't positive and will just make anon more worried.
Not that anon, but is really more acceptable if he's unaware? I understand people have to be told what they've done wrong to improve, but straight up insulting someone, especially someone they supposedly love, and not realizing it's hurtful is the sign of a terrible person.>>90459
Do you want to fix him? Show him you would love him for his flaws anyway?
Communication is a key part of every relationship, it's especially important in romantic ones. If you can't figure out that you need to talk to your boyfriend when he does something that makes you feel uncomfortable or insecure, without the help of an imageboard, something is wrong with you or the relationship.
If your boyfriend does something that upsets you - talk to him about it. Holy shit this should be common sense.
I've read what you guys have said…I'm not a fool, I did have it in the back of my mind that this could be a kink for him? But also, might just be men being clueless and not realising he's upsetting me, or that he actually wants me to lose weight?
I've not mentioned it to him, I'm going to wait and see if he says anything else. If it is a fetish, it's literally having the opposite effect, because I've been watching what I eat way more. In response to anons wondering if he knows about my past, he doesn't know I've struggled with EDs but he does know I'm fairly body conscious, although somewhat bizarrely this has got better since seeing him, as him telling me I'm pretty/sexy/what he otherwise likes about my body has made me feel much more confident.
But I'm not sure why he would like/want me to be…chubby? He's quite fitness conscious, he runs 10k-15k quite regularly, goes to the gym, watches what he eats - I actually worry about how little he eats. So what if he is actually 'negging' me and wants me to be fitter? I would think it was maybe a kink or him just being clueless if it wasn't for this?
idk, but i was in a relationship with a fitness conscious guy before and it was super draining on me. he had previously been overweight as a kid and lost a ton of weight before high school. he had severe male body dysmorphia and thought he didn't look good unless he was a sculpted GQ model. i was sympathetic about it for the longest time because i knew he was bullied and that his mom verbally abused him…that is until he started taking his insecurities out on me.
mind you when i was dating him i was very slender, in fact underweight. instead of encouraging me to eat right and stay active to maintain a healthy weight and figure, he'd complain about how i wasn't a perfect 10 for him because i wasn't toned enough. he also made fun of my lumbar lordosis and said it was something i needed to "fix" in order to be with him. every day he'd call me to check on what i ate and criticize it and make sure i worked out, after asking me to compile a playlist of workout videos that he approved of. he was always showing me models and porn stars he liked that represented his ideal and rated their bodies. he was also constantly getting in arguments with me (that he'd start) about how men have it harder than women in regard to beauty standards and physical expectations. even when we were intimate he'd start talking about how important it was that we perfected our bodies.
sorry to move to spotlight away from the original poster, but i just wanted to speak from personal experience. if you're seeing a guy who is obsessed with being in perfect shape, and on top of that he is poking fun at your body, that's a huge reg flag. who knows, it could very well be kink or he could just be really into girls with your figure. but if that's not the reason then i'd run.
unprotected sex is idiotic, even though your bf "pulls out really well" there is still a huge risk. on one hand i want to feel bad for you, but on the other this is a consequence of your irresponsible behavior.
what are your options if you turn out to be pregnant? would you be comfortable having an abortion? have you talked with your boyfriend about this?
either way you should take a pregnancy test. good luck though, i hope it comes out negative and you start using protection after this scare. i honestly don't want to come off as mean because you're in a really scary situation, but i'm just like … how could you be so dumb… use protection for fucks sake.
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So, I started my first job a few months ago and although the work is technically easy my nerves have been testing me a lot. Most days I'll walk into work feeling tense and anxious, where nothing I do feels natural and I'm constantly self-conscious of my movements and how I'm coming off. I don't know how to relax and get out of my own head. What can I do? Is something wrong with me? I thought this issue would solve itself after a few weeks of working but it's still troubling me. It's making me dread coming in and each day is like a back and forth on pushing myself to go.
Well I'm so sorry for you anon, i send you a virtual hug and i really wish you a better tomorrow! I hope you can get back on track and enjoy life soon. Must be really hard to deal with the death of a loved one and i can't even imagine two deaths… You deserve to be happy and to get your health back. Maybe consult a doctor for your hair loss.
Try working out or walking while listening to music (so you can exercise and relax). Anyway i send you good vibes!.
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Very fed up farmer here! For a couple of years, probably due to how I used to always bleach my hair, I have had this one scab on the top of my head.
Every time it dries out, it becomes sharp, and very hard to resist picking.
My questions are: how do I STOP picking it from stress, and secondly, when it DOES get sharp and dry, how does that ever heal? it just feels rough and it makes it harder to not pick. Please help.
Not shrink, but a therapist.
I don't think you should face this alone; often we overestimate our abilities to get ok without any help. It won't hurt to talk to a therapist and may do wonders to you. Some people will heal with time, so the professional only speeds up the process, but some do not heal without a guidance and that's ok. It's important to realize you may be one of the latter and should seek help, not just try to wait it out.
I understand your concerns and have the same ones actually.
He doesn't want to return to his country of origin, since he thinks it's backwards third world. It's not a Visa sham, my country doesn't give citizenship to spouses at all - doesn't even guarantee a residence.
I'll have a proper conversation on is he hardened on the kids being Muslim, since we only have had one conversation about it on a level of what's the most common approach. If he is, I agree with you it's time to bail.
Thank you for your concern anon, I'll keep it in my mind tightly.
what are you talking about silly anon, Islam is a religion of peace and love and Muhammad only meant for husbands to beat their wives with super tiny, thin sticks - for their own good!!!
I have recently found out that women are not to travel unless accompanied by a mehmet aka a male family member that can't fuck them. This is sick and wrong. It's lovely to have a bf or whoever go with you if you feel unsafe but imagine being treated like a 5 y/o your whole life because as a woman you are weak and men are not to be trusted with not raping you unless another male is with you.
why can't you just get with a guy that's not a muslim? like, are guys that hard to come by? my fiance is an atheist leftist from a comparatively liberal muslim family and even he says he'd never advocate a woman getting into a relationship with even a 'liberal' muslim man.
the way he's so adamant about the kids being muslim worries me. how he could subscribe at all to islam is worrying. like, it's one thing interacting with men that believe deeply in these male supremacist religions, but marrying them and having their kids? nah
I bet he only thinks it's "backwards third world" because they don't have commodities like in anon's country rather than because it's shariah law lol. >>92378
Dump him already.
Not a man. Have considered dumping him but up until very recently he's treated me amazingly. I'm sure some of it has to do with his depression getting worse but he also seems like he might be settling back into not caring much about how he presents himself now we're in a steady, long relationship, but he's not the man I fell in love with. I don't think I could do it to him, but having something I'd previously never dream of doing cross my mind is really scary.
I understand why you think I'm a troll. I just wanted a place to anonymously vent and maybe get some advice on how to talk with him before I resort to leaving him.
A therapist would help. If your SO is on board with supporting you while you are in therapy working through this, even better. >>92365
Vaseline? Keep the wound moist. You will want to cover your head during this time.
The tendency I've seen is for the men to get more controlling and religious over time. If he's irked about what you wear now, he'll get more irked over time. If you don't want a muslim family, and to raise your children muslim, you're not compatible and you shouldn't waste one another's time.>>92427
Honestly, they are always great until they aren't. I thin you could do better,>>92430
You not being into him will hurt his feelings. This is fine and the kind thing to do is nip it in the bud.
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Ok I've got one that I've cried over and I just need to ask
I have this coworker who I really like. We've been for drinks outside work a few times, I feel like even though he's quite guarded and cold, he's slowly warming up to me, and I get the feeling that he also is starting to have a crush on me too.
However: I am useless at conveying my feelings in person while he is amazing at it, and better at text, but then he is terrible at texting.
I'm planning to quit this job in a few months to start a new one and I don't want him to be shocked when I hand in my notice, so I figured I should just be honest with him, tell him that I'm quitting in a bit, but that I want to keep seeing him outside of work.
I don't know whether to be honest with him and say "look, I'm slowly getting attached to you and want to see you more" and just be direct, but for someone who started off quite cold, he's warmed up to me considerably and we've started having deeper talks in person about feelings so maybe I should?
TLDR I really like this guy at work who moves slowly like I do due to us both being hurt in previous relationships, and want us to see each other more.
Another thing is I'm the only one he's apologetic to with texts- he is terrible at them but with me he will come up to me at work and apologise for it then spend a while talking and seems like he's developing a crush, but if I'm not gonna be seeing him at work every day I don't want to be worried that it's going to be hard to contact him due to this, so next time he says "I should get better at texting for you" should I just be honest and say "yes you should"
Also how does one go about approaching this gently? again, I can feel we are warming up to each other, but I don't wanna scare him off.
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What's a good thing to say to embarrass a guy who's trying to neg me into liking him?
i've often been a magnet for these guys because they can fucking smell my low self esteem and aversion to conflict, but this one work acquaintance right now is going back and forth between subtlely hitting on me and being over-the-top critical of innocuous things i do and say. i'd love to finally take the opportunity to make one of these dudes feel like an awkward social reject for trying to pull this ugly shit so they're discouraged from trying it with other girls. their whole thing is using social pressure to get what they want so hopefully feeling ostracized works against them. i want to calmly say something that will
>make it clear that i know exactly what he's doing
>make him feel like the awkward freak for doing it and therefore
>not make me just seem like a crazy paranoid attention whore that he can easily turn it against
everything that i come up with sounds either autistic and wimpy or way too off the handle for a work setting. i know it's hard criteria but maybe someone has experience
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I usually agree and amplify what they are saying or put on a teehee i’m a total airhead and what you’ve said has completely gone over my head and will not trigger
a reaction from me, both i find work
don't listen to that anon. playing dumb never works and is rarely funny. he won't get the bruised ego and he'll just do it again to someone else or will continue to use it on you. just neg him back
say he'd be cuter if he had a smaller forehead
or if he has a flat butt, say you only like guys with fat asses
Most men ain't shit, their opinion of you is worthless. Most guys now want rich mommy escort and unless you tick all the boxes they will find dumb reasons to reject you. Meanwhile they stay single forever.
Stop giving them freebies via hook ups. They treat single women like free prostitutes. Go on dates and provide company only, don't listen to any garbage they tell you about how perfect you are, what a match you are, how beautiful you are. Words are cheap and talking women into bed for free is a game to them. It's normal to feel bad when someone has scammed sex and attention from you. Just treat them as friend only and steer away from anyone moving too fast (want your phone number the day you meet online or irl) or seems really keen. Men aren't that interested in us: Don't fall for it.
ALSO: If this is a game, you win by reigning in your reaction. They know what they did was hurtful. If you ignore them and don't chase after or seem upset, you won.
Met this guy, went on two dates, and we vibe pretty well.
He disclosed to me that he usually doesn't have success on the dating app we met on, so I'm not sure how desperate he is vs. how much he is actually into me.
For a dating app dude, he remembers some of the shit I've said, and hasn't sent me a dick pic or asked to fugg or anything. He has hinted at going over to his place for basically "netflix and chill", but doesn't bring it up after I give a lukewarm response. All in all, I'm open for a more casual relationship, MAYBE a more monogamous fwb situationship, but I don't want to be ghosted after one fuck, is basically my problem. I also don't want to wait too long and end in something way more long-term…
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Are there any careers for not very intelligent people? My previous two degrees were a disaster because I kept failing modules and having to repeat exams. I could peruse a career in translation or IT but I really don't feel able for either of those after my experiences with them in college. I keep hearing people saying they want a "challenging" or "exciting" career but honestly I just want something that's comfortable, not very stressful and repetitive.
that's not going to help her.>>93353
anon you should probably talk to someone about your scab picking problem.
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How do you outdo a girl who is always trying to outdo you?
I'm talking about the kind of girl who is fiercely competetive, if you get close to someone, guaranteed she'll try and get close to them too. Upload something like a photo that gets a lot of people's approval? She'll upload one in the exact same filter and pose and try to outdo yours. She gets visibly angry whenever our mutual friends give me any kind of attention or validaion and ends up pining on social media for it, but it is starting to annoy me that for whatever reason she is always like this and my inner bitch wants to show her that no matter what she does, she can't be me.
She's dyed her hair to match mine and will go out of her way to dress and even act like me which weirds me out.
Sorry if I sound mean, she's a very bitchy girl that acts nice to people for asspats and I'd love to just silently show her that she's no match and should stick to being herself.
She's also tried starting mean rumors about me that have backfired, but whatever it is, this girl really wants to drag me down and pretend she's the more angelic version of me or something. We are both 21 years old and I feel like we are in grade school.
How do you girls deal with bitches that do this and how do you remain above them while pissing them off because they can't replace you?
i think she'll be her own downfall anon, people can smell inauthenticity like that a mile off.
look at this site for example, especially the mina/dasha thread.
but in similar situations, the way i dealt with it was going really hard on something in private and knocking unprepared competitors out of the water.
in uni for example, i did an arts degree and got pretty good as a painter. a girl who acted in very similar to yours towards me started borrowing from my work a lot and trying to beat my marks (saying as much). as well as being bitchy and spreading rumours behind my back. it's just jealousy.
anyway i knew what she was doing so i went really hard on the theory side of my work in private, since the painting was already natural to me and thoroughly thrashed her by surprise when it came to results day. i don't know how much this could apply to your situation but maybe there's something transferable in there.
>>93397> I keep hearing people saying they want a "challenging" or "exciting" career but honestly I just want something that's comfortable, not very stressful and repetitive.
same tbh. i like knowing that i'll be able to do my job well every day and earn my pay, instead of hoping that i can pull it off. i'd rather keep challenging and exciting for my personal life and hobbies. the only reason i ever feel bad about doing easy jobs is just ego shit, like being self conscious about seeming like a loser or seeming dumb, but that's not really a good reason to pursue something.
a good place to start is to just decide basics about how you like to work. do you like sitting down all day or would you rather be on your feet? inside or outside? easy tasks that still require some brainpower, or purely physical/mechanical tasks where you can think about whatever? customer interfacing or behind the scenes? etc
in all seriousness, if it were me i would want to fake her out to embarrass her and call her bluff. like pretend to buy some really expensive accessory (screenshot of a shopping page captioned "omg can't wait for this to arrive!"), pretend to get a tattoo by just posting lineart, pretend that you're going to go to some really lame or even fake event but hype it up to sound really fun. then if she does any of this bullshit and finds out you didn't follow through, she has no choice but to admit she was trying to copy you or she might be put off from doing it again.
if that's not your style, just remember that being direct and real is good ammo against fake passive people. if she says some exaggerated bs to make herself seem amazing, don't try to compete with her, just respond in a way that makes you sound grounded and normal. for example, let's say she says
"wow guys i went to like 10 parties and festivals this week it was so crazy!!!"
you say "wow really? you must really like to party. i'd never want to do that. i'd get sick of it after three."
if she's like "i'm not an angry person uwu. i'm so nice", casually mention that you're usually pretty grumpy in the morning. if she gushes insincerely about something she copied from you, be a little snobby like "yeah it's cool but it used to be a lot better" or something
the key is to counter her asskissing and fakeness with a little negativity and realism. it'll subconsciously make her feel like she's trying too hard and that you're the authentic one because you have varied, nuanced opinions where she only has opinions meant to impress. she wants you to try to be fake so she can beat you at being the fakest and the best.
Congrats on your good results and it must have felt nice to surprise her like that, thank you for your advice, I'm going to remember this>>93421
You're savage, I like you.
I've never thought of approaching it this way. She'll copy and try to outdo really particular things about me, like how I dress or do makeup, how I act, which friends I am closest to, she'll focus on them and throw tantrums if those friends are close to me, she'll guilt trip them. I can feel her checking my social media because as soon as a selfie of mine gets attention she'll recycle the same photo every few days to try and get more likes, petty stuff that makes me laugh a little but is still annoying and weird.
Brb, going to pretend to dye my hair green. I hate the fake uwu stuff you mentioned, you guessed right because she is one of those fake uwu types. Thanks anon, I want to rile her up without being as bitchy as her after all of the times she's done things out of spite.
just pretend it popped up in "people you may know" and you recognized his picture or something.
I'm quitting in two months or so, so I plan to sort that when I'm finally free. I feel unsafe doing it while still employed here.
I feel that, if I am ill, I am ill and should stay home and rest but that's not how they always see things. I guess sometimes you have to put yourself first.
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I was half asleep and didn't close the door properly this morning and my boyfriend's brother walked in on me getting dressed. I was pretty much naked except for my panties. I'm super embarrassed and I have to see him later and I have no idea what to do.
Congratulations, you are now a fresh entry into his wankbank.
Him on some forum right now:>I accidentally walked in on my brother's gf changing and she was buck naked and totally hot. Should I bang?
The replies:>Man she did that on purpose, she wants you
Maybe you should say something to him loudly in front of your boyfriend, actually
Since you're stuck with those teeth forever, this is a bad idea. You'll just chip bits off it and it'll look shit. They won't break; it's literal bone.
But try and work on your anxiety anon, that's the cause of this habit.
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i think what you're experiencing is a combination of social embarrassment and guilt, and you can't tell where one ends and the other begins. it's an awful feeling. it makes you nauseated and self loathing and you want the whole thing to just go away.
so ask yourself
did anyone actually get hurt?
who got hurt?
how did they get hurt?
do they still care/are they continually hurt by your action?
can you make it up to them or is it better for you to leave them alone?
i think if you answer the questions honestly and think about them you'll find out how much of this situation is guilt for hurting another person and how much is just that you're embarrassed about what it means for your reputation. whatever you decide, hopefully you'll come to some kind of conclusion and it'll be a lot better than just having this awful soup of guilt and shame where you can't even tell where your true feelings really lie
When I think about it.. there's more component of social embarrassment than guilt. Do I hurt them? Yes, but I don't see that they got hurted so much that I should feel guilty. It's partly self defense to begin with and I feel like they're being unreasonable.
Really I don't think I can made anything up even in best case scenario, because that at least requires me to 'admit' doing something I didn't and I don't like them enough to lie for sympathy.
I want to win but there's no way of winning this.>>94771>>94781
I don't even want to be with that guy and I don't think I'm going to run into him often anyway.
Of course I'm acting like an attention seeking cow, but if it's not anon board I don't know where else I can get a reality check as psychological help.
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I feel like a womanchild
I don’t know how to cook. Literally the only kitchen appliance I know how to use is a microwave. And I don’t know how to do my own laundry either.
I don’t really have a relationship with my mom and I guess over the years I never really learned how to do these things. How do I? Are there home management classes for dummies? Books? Pls no bully.
I'm so bad at cooking and a picky eater. YouTube videos, and even following supermarket social media and their receipes is helping.
I'm pretty good at taking care of my clothes though. Wash darks and colours on 40 and whites on 60.
no offence but what is there not to get with laundry? put dirty stuff in washer, add laundry detergent and softener and turn the washer on. if you want to be an anal bitch or like your clothes boiled, separate darks and lights. then hang up to dry or use dryer.
i have heard older people at my work complaining about their kids not knowing how to do their laundry and it always mystified me as it is literally the easiest shit in the world besides taking the bins out.
as for cooking, just google a recipe for something you want to eat and then follow the directions. start with like spag bol or omlette or something easy like that. if a particular recipe sucks try to think what could improve it - less/more seasonings, substitute one thing for another etc. a bit pricier than making stuff from scratch is using seasoning sachet recipes like schwartz or colman's but they are easy to make and usually taste alright.
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I'm so fucking depressed. I'm taking really interesting classes this semester but I'm so exhausted I can't bring myself to get up and go to them. I want to become better, get a better education, but I hate myself so much right now that all I can do is eat fast food and sleep. I can't even make any of the art I want to do. I'm in therapy and I'm on anti-depressants but they're not helping right now.
YouTube, libgen cookbooks.
Recipe books won’t teach you shit about the principles of cooking but, at the same time don’t crack open Larousse’s gastronomique and scare yourself off cooking.
Pick say five dishes you enjoy, and watch some videos about making them. Learn stuff like Maillard reactions, basic spice combos, knife skills, and mise en place and you’ll be golden.
If you want to bake, weight ingredients instead of using cups/spoons. Follow the recipe exactly until you get the basics.
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has anyone been reunited with a depressed partner or been in a mutual breakup and eventually gotten back together? i broke up with my live-in bf of about 3 years a couple of months ago. we were both very depressed and struggling really hard financially. we eventually both agreed that it was for the better, and that we were both interested in getting back together once we sorted ourselves out individually.
i started seeing a therapist to work on my mental health and decided to go back to school so i could get a better job to support myself financially. however, as far as i can tell, he hasn’t been doing much to “get better,” which, to me, indicates that maybe he isn’t as serious or interested in eventually getting back together in the end as he said he was. he has been pretty aloof since the breakup, which i understand, but it only adds fuel to the fire of me thinking that our relationship (platonic and romantic) is further dissipating and that he doesn’t actually want to get back together.
advice pls, anons. i don’t know if i’m holding out hope for no reason or if i’m working myself up over nothing.
First things first Anon, good on you for taking the first steps to improving your situation and your relationship with yourself. Taking care of yourself is never a bad choice, however, my concern is (but please correct me if I'm wrong) that your primary motivation isn't to make things better for yourself but rather to be able to get back into a relationship with your ex. If you are working toward recovery it should be for you - everything else is secondary. If you are well then you are in the best position to be able to care for those you love and to do the things that you enjoy doing.
Your ex not moving forward or taking the steps to help himself says nothing about your worth as a person nor does it diminish the value he places on your relationship with him. All it really says is that he does not value himself enough to do what he needs to do to get better. The sad reality is that while no one chooses to become ill, it is entirely up to the individual to recover. It is his shit and not yours, just as your shit is your own.
Since you are seeing a therapist, I strongly suggest that you discuss this with them when you see them next. You have to know that you will be okay and that the work you are doing is worth it - regardless of whether or not the two of you end up getting back together. Just keep working as you have to this point. I am wishing you all the best and I really do hope that the conclusion of this chapter brings you your desired outcome. I can understand that this is a painful experience, but you will be okay.
You can do it!
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Posting here since I don't know if this is hair or makeup related.
After years of looking ugly and manly, but not knowing why, I've finally found the answer (thanks to you farmers lol).
I have the same forehead/skull as Gal Gadot. My face is really big, but my actual head not? From the side you see more face than hair. If I put it in a high ponytail if you look at me from the front you'll barely see any hair, it's like my forehead ends and then my hair goes straight back, but not up. My forehead also isn't rounded at all, but rather flat and backwards like a man's.
Also, my nose is rather big and with my forehead looking like this, it's the most prominent thing on my face. Bangs aren't an option because of it's size, I'd say.
I don't think any of my other features are particuarly ugly, my eyes are okay, lips a little small, jaw too square, but still rather normal. It's really my overall face and head shape that make me look so weird.
Whenever my friends used to test different hairstyles on me it always looked ugly, because from the front and even from the side barely any hair is visible, I'm all face.
Plus the kind of v or heart shaped hair line is even more prominent on myself, which als makes any hair parting look awkward.
Some time ago somebody posted a theory about angel and witch skulls on here and I must be the headmaster of all witches…
Is there anything I could do?
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Do you gals think spending a few hundred on a spa package for a coworker on her bday is excessive and crazy? Just to clarify, I'm pretty close with this woman. She's like my second mom and is genuinely such a real, hardworking, honest person. I even feel like she's changed my perspective on life a little as she is always so energetic and positive.
I always save my money and don't really care about spending it on myself to boot. Should I tone it down and go for something like an amazon gift card? I've never been at a job where I was close enough to a coworker to want to gift something to them.
That's really a pretty expensive present no matter how much she deserves it, it'd be reasonable from family members and maybe BFFs but I can't really tell how close 'pretty close' is. If you spend time together outside work it might not be anything weird.
Or can you make it a group present with your coworkers, maybe contribute more if you don't think they'd want to spend an equal amount? That happens in a lot of offices I've worked in, it's less pressure on the person because it's just a little from everyone instead of a lot from one person.
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Like this korean style bangs?
My problem is, that I've go a fairly big nose (slim from the front, but large from the side), so I'm not sure if that wouldn't make it look worse.
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Oh wow, I didn’t know there was a name for it lol. Yes, bangs like that. My nose is also similar to how you describe it but I wear glasses which kind of hides it so I don’t worry about it too much.
I try to think of my nose as ~regal~ and elegant in that sense which makes me feel better about it. I used to wish for a button nose but I know it wouldn’t blend well with my features and lifes too short to hate my nose when I’m healthy/able bodied/smart/etc. Try checking out some women you find pretty who have big noses as inspiration.
I’d say just try the clip in bangs to get a sense for it. Also feel free to ask some higher end
hairdressers. They usually take into account peoples features and what’ll look flattering on them.
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How does one summarize properly, without literally just coying the whole text again? I have to write a really important test which I'm absolutely not allowed to fail, so I'm very scared of missing important information.
Also, because I have to be on the computer/write all day my wrist hurts so much.
Is there something one can do?
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How do I talk to people? I'm always having such a hard time coming up with things to say in a group setting, whether it be with a group of friends or my boyfriend's friends/family. I never have anything interesting to say or add to the conversations and I just feel dumb as hell. Do you guys have any tips…
I started exercising to cope with it, nothing that would hurt me but being sore gave me a similar satisfaction.
Other than that you can use sharpies or ice
Second this, not only does it create pain but it uses up pent up energy as well. I've found lifting has helped my rage issues too.
The compulsive part is a bit more difficult. It's really a matter of replacing the ha it with another (like exercising, or one of the other methods anon mentioned).
I've also heard from a friend that snapping yourself with a rubber band can help you wean off of SH if you're unable to make a jump right away.
I personally made a promise to my girlfriend that I'll stop.
Every time that I try to do it again, I think that I will be hurting her more than I hurt myself and it helps.
But I understand it's not as easy as I make it sound.
When it gets especially unbearable, I draw on my skin with a marker or a pen, seeing something in place of wounds helps somewhat.
You can just look into different distraction techniques like excercise or snapping a wristband or using ice on skin, something must work for you.
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how do I get better at math? It's embarrassing that I'm an adult now and I struggle with it. In high school I was alright at it, and at one point I was even offered a spot in a higher class, but towards the end after I have a massive spiral into depression, I moved into math for retarded kids basically, which wasn't all bad because I adored the teacher, and I felt that I was learning everything specific that I wanted to learn, I was getting As and was offered a spot back in regular math but I chose not to (yeah, stupid decision, I know). I just get really stressed with numbers now, and I feel so fucking dumb and I hate myself for it. Is there really any way to improve? My boyfriend is extremely good at maths, and I hope he never finds out that I am basically innumerate, I feel like he'd dump me because of it. Is there any saving me?
Seconding the other anon, Khan Academy is a great resource to learn math (and a lot of other things too!).
Also, don't feel ashamed of yourself. You're not dumb or lesser than anyone just because you didn't have the same opportunities as others. It's not your fault that your depression affected your performance at school. The fact that you're even willing to try and learn more as an adult speaks volumes about the kind of person you are, and I'm sure your boyfriend would understand and respect that. Good luck anon!
Whatever floats your boat. Imo you’d get better art results if you accepted the advice of experts and tutors tho.
Style can’t make up for anatomy or proportion.
No, it's not weird. I have gifts my ex gave me and still look at them fondly. My current bf doesn't care, as he has gifts from his ex too.
As long as the feelings are a good memory and not negative, it's fine. Also as long as you don't actively miss your ex through the object, it's okay.
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I just started a new job, I haven't worked for years (since I was really young), and I just got into a new relationship which keeps me super happy. My partner lives an hour away so it's hard for us to hang out, and my shifts have different time frames. I can't seem to catch a break to visit him. I haven't seen my psychologist for a long time and it's killing me. I desperately want to study at uni but this job is taking everything I have. I can't handle this stress out of nowhere, and my bf is the only thing keeping happy, so if I'm unable to see him to relax from this stress then I know I'm going to spiral back into bad depression. I have no one to talk to about this, I don't even know if there is advice for this.
A lot of guys have a thing for chubby girls, not even kidding.
If he agrees to sleep with you and isn't a total fuckboy or weird autist type, he's most likely into it. I'm sure he knowsby now that you're chubby lmao. It's hard to hide.
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I'm planning on quitting my job in a month or two, the only problem is I need to tell one particular coworker ahead of this.
I've had a crush on him for the longest time and I believe he has one on me too, but doesn't always know how to handle it because he gets shy. He admits he is terrible at messaging, so if I message he'll talk the next day at work about it and want to talk lots in person. He says he wants to get better at messaging for me in particular.
I need to tell him that obviously once I've quit he won't be able to do that anymore, how do I make it clear to him that I want to continue to see him outside of work but that he will probably have to overcome his anxiety of messaging as it'll be the only way to even arrange to meet up after this?
When we do meet up outside of work we talk all the way into the night and he is an absolute sweetie.
I really, really like him and want us to get closer even after I've left. What should I do and how do I approach it? I'm thinking meet outside of work for our usual drink and just be honest with him about it and tell him that I'm concerned about it?
He is notoriously stoic to nearly everyone we work with but I've seen him get softer and softer around me with feelings and honesty so should I trust I can just be direct and say "hey, I want to keep seeing you, but it'll mean having to be a bit better with messaging"?
You've got the right idea but you might want to softball it.
It sounds like maybe he's a little socially anxious and guys like that can shut down and give up on you really easy if they think they've dropped the spaghetti. The fragile macho ego can't take even a tiny embarrassment, maybe that's why he's made of stone around everyone else.
That could be the problem with the texting as well, poor boy doesn't get like, instant feedback on what he says like face-to-face so he's convinced it was the wrong thing and just stews in his own humiliation until you happen to be available to look at your phone again lol
It seems quite clear. She accurately assessed what a very shy-low confidence guy acts like. I've met a lot of them and they act exactly like that (including the second guessing about messages)
He might just be stoic and not shy/socially anxious. But I think anon will be ok, based on what she wrote anyway.
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Please halp. How do I cope with/deprogram myself from being sexually used, groomed online from a young age and years of exposure to porn?
I don't want to have sex anymore. Not on these terms. I used to think the feeling of deep pain/anxiety in the pit of my stomach meant being turned on and went on to do things I absolutely didn't like, starting from the age of 14. I also "dated" two men: one at 16-18 and one at 19-20, that were textbook abusers who watched too much porn. I allowed them to fuck my ass even though it hurt me several times and put me at risk. I allowed first one to start without a condom many times because I stopped "nagging" him and didn't have time to prevent him.
This has shaped my sexuality so much that I no longer know what genuinely turns me on, or what feels good, because all I do when my clothes come off is slip into this submissive role of trying desperately to be "good enough". It took years to even allow myself to orgasm while not thinking about how my face would look from below. (Yes, I'm ugly and insecure and was bullied by men growing up, yada yada.)
TL;DR: I'm fucked up sexually and I just want to forget all this. It's not me. I don't want it. Still, it's all I've ever known.
So how would I go about reprogramming myself? I've never talked about this to a therapist. Do I just stay celibate for a while and figure myself out on my own terms? Date around? Will the feelings of shame dissipate?
>>97967>Do I just stay celibate for a while and figure myself out on my own terms?
Imo taking a break from sex is a good idea, you could take some time to create positive associations with sex without the risk/unpredictability of actually being with someone else. I imagine loving sex with someone you trust is an important part of the healing process but it would be hard to guarantee that, so rushing into it might not be the best idea.
I haven't gone through trauma or sexual abuse myself (so my official recommendation is a therapist), but my early sexual experiences also involved trying to be good enough via submissiveness. I pretty much just assumed I was submissive without ever thinking about it because that's what people expect of women. I quit sex (and social media) in my early 20s and since then I've basically restored my self esteem/self respect, strengthened my boundaries, and figured out what I actually find attractive in men and arousing in bed (surprise surprise, it's not being a fucking sub). It's hard to pinpoint exactly what helped me, but I'd say talking to likeminded women, thinking of things from a feminist perspective, focusing on hobbies instead of dating, learning to survive without male attention/validation and indulging in m/m shipping to get some distance from gender roles helped. Basically putting men and their desires at the very bottom of my list of priorities and making it all about me instead.
Thank you so much. All the things you've mentioned have been in the back of my head as goals. Sucks that I barely have female friends, but that still doesn't mean I have to live for male validation.
I need to reconnect with my hobbies and myself. Maybe therapist would be good but I've been to one a lot for other issues and I feel more like moving forward. Social media really fucks you up due to how pornified and vacuous it is, doesn't it?
To add some context, he has admitted to me over time that he has low confidence and is socially awkward, and has expressed how he wants to get better at these things as he will go a day or two without checking social media and he tends to read without replying to everyone. I say I worry about this but he has started to make some effort with it in the last year, it's just it takes a lot of courage from him and I need to make it clear to him that once I quit he can't really do the coming-into-work-next-day-to-discuss-it thing we do
When I say he's stoic he looks quite frowny and he can be cold, but over time when you get to know him better he's very warm and kind, he looks out for me all the time and he'll do everything he can in his own awkward but sweet way to make me smile or make my work day easier. I really like him even though I know it's difficult and takes time with this kind of person.
i'm having a bit of trouble deciding what to do for school, and by extension my career and my life. i'm studying 3D animation, it's not my passion and is pretty tedious (i knew it wouldn't be easy work, but i'm a 2D gal at heart) but i figured any kind of artistic job would be better than none. after taking a break from school, however, i'm having some big doubts. the instructors emphasize that to succeed in your 3D animation career, you have to be really passionate and dedicated. i thought i could learn to love it, but i'm not enjoying myself very much. 3D modeling is kinda fun, but i'm nervous. the school also has a Web Design program that i'm thinking about switching to. i love making art, so having some graphic design skills and the knowledge to make my own online shop seems more helpful to me. i also really enjoy using photoshop, image manipulation is genuinely fun to me. thoughts?
Web design is a lot less design than you might think. There is a lot of information architecture, typography, and some basic mark-up coding as well. I'm not sure what school you're at or the program, but I doubt they will teach you back-end coding (which you will need to make your own shop).
If you just want to open up an online shop to sell your art, you're better off using a service that already exists. (not only because it's easier, but also because there are more potential customers already on the platform).
If you really want to use photoshop, then I'd say go into book/magazine or tv/film advertisement design, and work your ass off to get good. (which means not just doing instructor assignments, but learning on your own online, doing passion projects, etc.) You're going to need to know how to composite and retouch, which afaik, no physical schools teach adequately. They usually just cover the basics, so you might want to invest in online courses.
If you just want a career field that's not too difficult to get into but still creative, go UI/UX design. Fairly in-demand these days, but it's more about information architecture than actual design. Basically, designing the layouts of apps and things.
Whatever path you choose to go down, do your very best. Don't put yourself into massive debt just because you feel you need a degree. There are many people with degrees that are worthless - not because the field itself can't generate income, but because they didn't put their all into it. School is helpful for opening your eyes to different possibilities, and for building connections; but school is not going to teach you everything you need to know to actually do a job. Most companies know this, which is why they all require x amount of years for their lowest positions. Few creative companies hire fresh grads that they're not just looking to exploit. Most people get in through connections, so if you're not busting your ass to get good, you better be busting your ass to befriend everybody in the building. But if you can go the extra mile and teach yourself it will pay off, because fortunately for creatives, you can show off a portfolio. In the end if you've got the skills, you'll find work. Good luck, anon.
I'm a programmer with a close proximity to UI/UX design (or "web design") and I often have talks with the designers how people think web design is simply "pretty pictures". It's plenty more than that though, it's a lot closer to product design and psychology than graphic design, which is more about illustration and visual design. Having a good eye for details, colors, typography and aesthetic is a great thing to have of course, and artist anon can make good use of it. But web design also requires you to think over things like>How it can be done from a technical viewpoint (the code that will be rendering your design)>How the action pattern can be easily picked up by the user>How the design will react to interaction>How the design will send feedback to the user in an intuitive way>How the design will be displayed on multiple platforms and how it will make use of the limited space it has on the screen>How it will be the most appealing to the target demographic>How will you design a desired feature later into an already-made design>How your design can be advanced in the future
etc. You don't necessarily have to code but a basic understanding of how a website works code-wise is essential. You pick up fast though and web design is fun if you keep an open mind about it, there's an art to making the user have the best experience too.
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Is there any way I could write shit and not be insecure about it? I used to write all the time but now I feel like my writing isn't good enough and that everyone is better than me. It's not like I'm trying to write a novel or anything but I just want to go back to when I was having fun writing.
I-I actually already do that but I usually compare myself to other people's and it makes me feel worse haha.>>98136>>it okay to make crap, for every successful story there are a shit ton of bad ones
This is actually very helpful, thank you so much! I guess I always forget that its not like the end of the world when you write something shitty. I always feel bad when I write something dumb so I usually just scrap it but writing more will help me. You're right.
i've turned into a hermit. I used to go out a lot, see friends all the time. Actually, I was kind of terrified of being at home (fear of being left alone with my thougts yadda yadda yadda) so I would be at some friends or at some party 5 days a week.
Now it's the complete opposite. I go to college, I come home, switch into compfy clothes and hang out on the internet while eating crap. I might have a drink on my own like once every two weeks or hang out in town with some friend for a couple hours during the day but I get so lazy in the evening. I lie every single time someone invites me to a show or a party "oh no, im sick/ tired / have obligations". I feel lonely irw with love sometimes but I'm just too lazy to go out and meet people or go on a date with someone from tinder. Just the thought of being on a date and it being potentially even a tiny bit uncompfterable seems like such a drag.
All that wouldnt be such a problem but I'm 22 and now is the time to party and go on dates and meet new people and all. My friendships are quite solid but it's certain they will become much less solid if I keep lying to people because I'm too lazy to go out.
It's not really deppression either. I mean, I am a bit deppressed but I've been LEGIT deppressed in the past and this isnt it.
Idk what to do. It seems like a non-problem and tbh I feel kinda okay doing it but I can sense it will bring me despair in the future if I keep doing this. >>98211
I go to art school, if you want to talk, i can make a throaway email etc
>>98240>All that wouldnt be such a problem but I'm 22 and now is the time to party and go on dates and meet new people and all.
That's a stupid meme. Media might make it look like it's fabulous and leads to all sorts of amazing experiences but in reality it's just… boring.
Anyway, I recommend looking for a new hobby or starting a new project. Life turns into shit fast if you don't have anything to do.
I recently moved in with my long term, long-distance boyfriend. We're both poor, but it's actually more cost effective for us to live together, and means we can both look for jobs more freely without worrying about things like never seeing each other. Problem is because I've moved in with him, I now need to find a new job, and form a new life, and it's really daunting for me lately. I haven't been able to afford to see my old friends for weeks, I'm missing my cat (we can't bring her here, he has a dog), and I got really homesick the other night. I've started applying loads of places but it's really scary that I might not find a job for a while, and he's so fucking bad with money, he blew all his last paycheck AND his £100 overdraft in a week on stupid shit, even though he's the only source of income for us at the minute, and I'm going into debt pretty bad trying to buy groceries.
I don't know if I'm asking for advice or somewhere to vent and have a bit of support, but I hate talking about money with him because I don't want to have to rely on him, but I also need to rely on him, so it kind of sucks.
I'm with >>98361
tell him to man the fuck up. I'm not the best with money but there was a moment where I was the sole bread winner for a bit and I managed to not blow my paycheck on stupid shit. So if someone like me who buys shit because I'm bored can buckle down when need be his ass can too lol
so you either>moved in with someone who, despite being poor, is incredibly reckless with money
or>moved in with someone, and had no idea about their actual spending habits
whew. I hope he's young/receptive enough where you can beat financial responsibility into him, but you're in a really bad spot and typically these things don't just take care of themselves. So instead of being poor and dealing with the ldr stuff, you're: >poor>homesick>isolated from friends/family/cat>financially dependent on an idiot who doesn't even have the sense to curb his spending until y'all get on your feet>you're going into debt!
Is he REALLY worth all of this????
>>98388>moved in with someone, and had no idea about their actual spending habits
I guess this? I knew he'd always spend money on random crap, but when we first got together he was alright with money, he earned some extra from being a small twitch streamer. But work's been slow for him this month and even though he earns enough he's not on as much as he was, and he's still spending like he always does. He's 22 so he's young, and he has shown genuine interest in being more responsible with money, but at the minute he's borrowing loads from his parents just for buses into work and blowing £10 a day on food when we have things in the house he could take.
I'm not that great with money either, but the only thing I've bought this month besides food was a really cheap winter coat, and I'm still a fair bit into my overdraft with a week left until I get my dole money, which I know is going to just pile up if I don't get an interview soon. I'm sure things will be better when we both have our own money, but we planned moving in together for months and even though it was shit timing with his work, he still seemed like he was capable of being responsible and he'd be earning enough to get us both by when we discussed it.
>Is he REALLY worth all of this??
Honestly I don't know. Uprooting my life was not as huge a deal as it might have been for other people: my job wasn't great, I have a poor relationship with my family, my friends live all over the country, and the job market is a lot better here than where I used to live. But I do miss the freedom I had when I was single with a job. He treats me very well, we have a very similar sense of humor and I love spending time with him. I've been treated like shit by my past exes, so maybe that's why I cared more about his personality than his matureness level. At the very least I know for a fact I'll never share a bank account with him, and I plan on save a bit on my own when I get a job incase I do ever want to head back home.
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It's really bizarre last night I had a lucid dream (which I never do) and it was me touching myself, trying to get my ex best friend to take a shower with me and thinking about her boobs.
Would you want to do that in real life?
If you're dtf girls then you're probably bi. Which is good, since you said you only form attachments with women.
Maybe be blunt about your romantic feelings. If he feels the same it might inspire him more to keep in contact with you.
If not, then things will be awkward and you won't have to worry about him anymore anyway.
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If given the chance, is dating a guy outside of your league (in terms of looks) a bad idea?
Anyone have experience with this?
All of this "out of my league" thing is in your head. If he likes you, he's not out of your league.
Go for it, and good luck :)
I'm not trying to be purposely obtuse at all, I ask because some signs make me think yeah this guy totally fancies me but others just give me the impression that he's just really awkward and that I'm misreading him.
He did once tell me it takes a while for him to warm up and to be open about feelings, I just don't know if it's me he's developing them for or if he genuinely doesn't. I tried asking once and he wouldn't say yes nor no.
yeah sis he wants you.
he's just being a big old kuudere about it.
tbh i used to date a guy like that and it could be a bit difficult, so think about like…if you want to be the feelsy one in a hypothetical relationship haha
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I guess I'm just looking for some general opinions on this.
I don't want to bore anyone with the long winded version so I try to summarize.
I'm pretty much a shutin besides work, I'm not very social or outgoing, pretty introverted, I'm also pretty depressed but more in a quiet going through the motions and struggle sense.
I've had a few close friends but I tend to self isolate a lot, one of my friends who Iv'e known for my whole life has had some bad abuse and relationship drama, lot of domestic violence and other things, shes becoming worse.
I try to be there for her, as I see us as family but I've become more and more shutin and isolated, she doesnt know this and I don't want to burden her with this as well.
I guess all I'm really looking for is opinions, I'm practically a neet anon who feels like a burden all the time.
But I'm tired a lot of the time like mentally, how can I help her be ok.
if you were abused how would you want to be helped ?
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Can mild smacks to the head do a lot of harm in the long run?
I know it's retarded but when things get too much for me I smack on my head in frustration. a bad habit I picked up in my teenage years that I can't seem to shake….
I hear you, anon. Doing the same thing here after being a doormat type of character for 10 years.
Putting my foot down at work became easier, putting my foot down at home is still taking some time. I’m an anxious person and a people pleaser by nature. I just want my home to be warm and welcoming, but boundaries need to be set and things need to be said.
Be the bitch.
Baby steps, anon. You got this.
after all that's why you have the skull around your brain lol. The only thing that can happen is maybe skin getting more red from the blood vessels breaking
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It's not stupid at all and actually really common to have these kinds of thoughts. Tho like other anon said, it's a waste of mental energy. Namely because you can never control or truly get inside another person's head. It doesn't actually concern you or who you really are anyways.
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how do i stop taking things said online so personally? how do i toughen up?
being vague here, but i've seeked out communities that exist to hate on people like me or people with traits that i have, and it's always ended with me feeling horribly depressed, reading everything people have written.
it also has me constantly worrying if someone i'm talking to happens to take part in those communities or hates people like me. how do i make this stop?
Be conscious of the things you let into your head. If visiting a certain forum makes you feel like shit about yourself, there is absolutely no reason to go there. Instead, try to use that time to pursue projects you care about.
Also, ruminating on whether some strangers hate you isn't going to bring you clarity, it's just going to make you unhappy. When you find yourself ruminating about this, try to be aware that these thoughts are making you unhappy and anxious, and opt to think about something else instead. Simply being aware of your own emotions and thought patterns is hugely helpful.
Btw, I found my mood and self-esteem improved majorly when I stopped visiting places like 4chan and twitter.
how old are you first, that's kind of important.
also it's not a good idea to lie on your resume unless you need to pad out extremely ridiculous gaps.
tbh tho, you can
lie to small companies about basically whatever, past jobs, education etc. but it's not recommended unless you can bullshit really well and learn quickly (it does work tho) only do it for entry level positions.
tbh that sounds fine then. i'd focus on the positives like what you're in school for currently. also mentioning the volunteer work is a good thing to mention!
if you're in a city it'd probably benefit you to work with a staffing agency that deals with a lot of entry level positions. otherwise try to look for positions that advertise training, because those are going to want students or people who didn't go to college. a lot of really big corporations also tend to hire tons of temp staff throughout the year as well. hope that was helpful.
what's up anon, i'm actually waiting on a few eval appointments to see what the fuck all is going on in my brain (apparently there is a lot of overlap with adhd/autism/depression/anxiety), and shit i've found out struggling with this might help you.
if you're concerned about autism, (which, since someone in your family is on the spectrum so you do have reason to suspect that), you want a neuropsychologist.
it is possible now for asd to be diagnosed in adults, but the more information you have about your childhood, the better.
you can use sites like zocdoc or insurance company websites to find specialists in your area, or go straight to an autism center.
it's really fucking hard, at least where I live, to find a place that is accepting new patients AND will evaluate adults. if your job, school, or insurance offers some kind of program that will search /contact providers FOR you, fucking jump on that shit. I spent months crying when I finally started looking, because I felt like I had contacted every place in my area and none of them would take me, it felt even worse than not knowing what to do at all.
tl;dr look up neuropsychologists that can do asd evaluations. if none in your area evaluate adults, contact any autism center in your area (maybe the one your brother was diagnosed by?) and they'll give you a jumping off point.
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I’ve got a bad cold and I need to at least appear and sound healthy by Friday. I’m thinking re applying makeup around red nose but what to do about the super nasally voice?
take cold meds
dayquil or something, they probably have store brand
I get allergies all the time so here’s my tips
Tea tree oil in a bucket with hot water, the steam with absolutely help you.
Try these tips for makeup https://youtu.be/HKY4O0RIn0M
Pray to the chicken soup gods
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>make new friend a week ago
>he's borderline w/ social axiety
>doesn't go to therapy
>I'm his only friend
So, what should I expect?
Needy/clingy, telling you you're all he has and he will kill himself if you leave him, suicide threats in general, constant bitching and moaning about how much they hate themselves, possibly self-harm/threats, lovebombing, insane mood swings - to name a few.
It is not worth being an untreated borderline's favorite person. Remember you can dissolve the friendship and ghost them whenever you want to, the suicide threats are empty, and you are not responsible for their wellbeing or actions.
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I had a BPD with depression friend. There was a time when we were close enough that she would tell me all the shit she went through with her mom, like her mom trying to strangle her and some other pretty fucking heavy shit. She was fun though, when she was not pissed off (which was pretty often, may I add.)
We were friends and out of nowhere she started treating me like the antichrist, talked shit behind my back everyday according to a friend of mine(and I lost some friends because of it), was super jealous of me, until she moved countries.
I never knew why, but a lot of people (and myself) kinda think it was because she was jealous of my boyfriend, because she had a crush on him before we started dating. Fun fact: She was also dating when me and my boyfriend started seeing each other.
Also, her ex boyfriend told us that she would snap at him almost everyday, break up, and then they'd go back together on the next couples of days, sometimes on the same day.
And yes, a fucking thousand of suicide threats and random snaps. They also may or may not hit you.
This all sounds awful. I don't really want to bail on him though since we get along well and he hasn't done anything too bad except for lovebombing and putting himself down a lot. And he's the only friend I have that regularly attends class lol.
I'm also a bit stuck with him because we share a class and he insisted on taking one of my electives with me next semester.
But I'll be more prepared for him to start flipping at me or sending me SH pics or something. So I can drop him.
be super clear about boundaries. like, incredbily clear. shut him down as soon as he goes too far. when he lovebombs or talks poorly about himself, please say something if it bothers you. when he's venting a LOT and maybe stressing you out, tell him something like "i wish i could do more for you, but i'm just not a professional." call out any manipulation, guilt-tripping, or threats with something like "i know you don't mean to, but this is what you're doing, and it isn't okay." he'll either A) be very embarrassed, apologize, and make an effort to stop, or B) think you hate him and are abandoning him. afterwards you can drop him if he responds poorly when you tell him to stop the guilt-tripping.
not to blogpost, but i have bpd, so i know very intimately just how rocky the friendships can be. your friend is someone who has been hurt badly, and is acting accordingly. he doesn't actually want to be a burden, but he never learned how to properly handle his emotions or to have healthy relationships. feel sympathy for him all you like, but don't be afraid to bail if the friendship is detrimental to you. untreated bpd can make a very good person a very bad friend. if you value the friendship, give him chances to improve his behavior, but don't be a pushover. make it clear what you will and will not tolerate. both of you will be grateful for it, in the long run.
Literally my boyfriend got that same copypasta in work email lmfao.
Did it start off with "Hello victim" too?
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Any farmers have experience going to (metal) concerts alone? Next weekend my city is having a black metal festival and I'm super pumped to see some of the bands there and went ahead and bought myself a ticket for Sunday, but now that the event is coming up I'm starting to feel a bit apprehensive. How out if place would I be going to a metal show/festival alone and is there anything I should look out for or be wary of? I feel like I'm going to be super nervous and self-conscious being by myself especially given the crowd that'll be there. I'd just like to hear others' experiences to hopefully reduce my nerves, and I know I probably shouldn't get too drunk for starters…
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i literally have 0 idea what to take for college. I'm really leaning into Web Dev, but I don't know much about it besides the fact you need html and shit. is there any web dev majors here that can fill me in what they do? If you'd ask for a scale on how good i am with programming i'd put it at 5.5/10 since my problem is that Im just super slow.
Im also leaning into something art related (animation) but i dont want to be berated by my family…..and i'm not sure if im confident enough for this. Just like web dev.
I'm actually going to a concert by myself this weekend. I don't think it's weird at all. I don't listen to metal so I have no experience with that scene but I've generally only heard good things about metalheads, pretty much what >>101086
said. I wouldn't be worried at all.
I mean, who really cares about someone going alone to a concert/festival? I haven't been to that many concerts, but I can't think of a single time I even noticed someone there alone, because I was too busy enjoying the music. I'm sure you'll be fine, go have fun at the festival!
This is really dumb but it's been bothering me all day and I want to hear some other opinions on this.
So I've been stalking Craigslist a lot these past few days because I need to buy something for my house. Last night after work I decided to check new listings and I stumbled across someone selling a current generation console for dirt cheap. I read the listing because I thought for sure it was broken or something, but it turns out it was an older person selling it whose children had just moved out, and clearly this person has no clue about video games. I thought for sure somebody else had already snapped it up since it was such a good deal, but I decided to send the guy an email just for the hell of it. The thing is, I have no interest in this console (I actually already own its competitor lol), I only want to buy it to flip it on eBay because I can easily make about a hundred bucks profit. So I felt kinda guilty, but I was like whatever, he probably already sold it to some other flipper anyway.
Well, he responded this morning telling me I could come by later today to pick it up, which I did not expect. Part of me feels horrible about it… I feel like I'm taking advantage of some poor old guy. Am I being stupid for feeling kinda guilty about it? Should I tell him this console is worth a lot more than what he's selling it for?
The way I'm consoling myself is the fact that I'm actually planning to use the money towards buying a Nintendo Switch, which I've wanted since it was still known as the Nintendo NX, and finally I started putting aside pocket money to save up for it. I'm telling myself that I'm going to get a video game console either way, so it's not like I'm really taking advantage of him, I'm just getting the console I want… right? Am I fucking retarded for feeling so bad about this?
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Thanks anon, I'll do my best to have a good time! I'm only going for the second half of the set so I'll be seeing Forteresse, Temple of Baal, Seth, and Tormentor. I mainly bought the ticket to see Forteresse and especially Tormentor since I love everything off of Anno Domini. Hoping they'll be selling merch there so I can get a shirt!
Also thanks to the other anons for replying. I'm glad you guys don't think I should have anything to worry about. Really makes me less nervous and more excited for Sunday!
As someone with lots of piercings and who has worked in a tattoo/piercing shop, you'll be fine. Best thing to do is let the piercer know you're prone to fainting and they should be able to accommodate you. I'm a fainter too and I find it best if you just focus on doing something like wiggling your toes or focusing on your breathing. Eat plenty of food, take a soda to sip on or have a piece of candy before you go in to get your sugars up.
My bf got his tongue done about a month into our relationship and it was difficult for a while with the no oral sex thing but it is worth the wait. It looks good and feels nice! Only thing I can say is watch your teeth with it. They can be bad for your teeth and gums if you're prone to fussing with the bar! Go for it, anon!
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I feel like I have dirtied myself for havin dated ugly guys? I have always had low self esteem and felt like I couldn't do better than ugly, pathetic, horrible guys. I let myself be forced into things because I felt like i deserved to be with a psychopath.
Now I'm with the most beautiful guy I have ever seen. Treats me really good and respects my boundaries. And I just feel like I don't deserve anyone as pure as him? I just wish I was a virgin again
I've had the same struggle for years, anon. I'm a big chicken and I fainted while donating blood. I haven't gotten any piercings beyond three on my loves but I'd love a tongue piercing. I think >>101345
is right in that over thinking it makes it worse. Some of the best rollercoasters I've been on were ones I decided to check out spontaneously or ones that more confident people dragged me onto!!! Bring a friend who won't let you leave without getting it done maybe, I think we all have a friend like that lol.
I've heard that announcing that you're nervous and joking a bit about it is helpful because it lightens the mood and make you feel less pressured.
Don't know if it works tho, I have the same issues and the idea sounds horrifying to me.
Why is it that ugly guys seem to act the most entitled and are the biggest assholes?
You're not dirty anon, you've finally found someone who sees your true worth. You should be happy and enjoy your time with him. Think of it more like you've done the hard work and now it's your time.
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Omg anon are you me,
> they are entitled because they are aware of their own hideousness so they pull you down into depression and being clingly so they can keep you under their fat disgusting thumb.
I imagine myself dismembering them and just killing them slowly in my head… Nothing that I will do irl
but it kills the time whilst waiting until they get bold ugly and overall caught up within their disgustingness
You didn’t date them for no reason though they caught you because they saw how weak you were at the time
Don’t ever let someone trick you like that and enjoy your safe nice relationship whilst they squirm on their Cheeto filled beds crying bacause no sane woman will ever date them …
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What happy functional person will date someone as fucked up as those men?
So they destroy you slowly so you need to stay with them.
Disgusting and predatory af tbh
idk anon. this is the first christmas without my grandma now and i feel like there's an empty space in my heart. my bf and i are decorating our tree with some of her favorite ornaments but i just really can't get over it. i made thanksgiving food this year with her recipes and it made me cry.
just remember all the good times and do happy things that remind you of her. it will be okay.
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How do i stop obsessing over embarassing things I’ve done in the past? I have an entire archive of cringy things I’ve done and they pop into my head constantly, giving me heart palpitations and bad anxiety. It’s actually becoming debilitating.
It used to be a thing that only happened to me once in a while, say, when I was trying to fall asleep a couple times a month, but now I’m just reminded of dumb shit I’ve done, several times a day, and it’s making me miserable. Help me.
sage for samefag but if you've actually got them saved anywhere as records on your computer, please delete those, anon. You're using them to self harm and nothing good can come of it.
I've had problems with that too and what really helps is keeping busy and finding ways to argue with the obsession. It's hard and easier said than done and tbh I don't know when or how I made most of it stop. You will have to force yourself, and it will be uncomfortable, but it's better to do that than wallow in the hurt.
Woops, maybe I should’ve said “mental archive” instead. They won’t leave my head. If anything, I do have some DMs that make me want to die attached to one of my social media accounts that I’m pretty sure I’m going to delete. I’m trying to distract myself and talk to others for support so I don’t wallow in pain because this really is mental torture.>>101728
Lmao I have greentexted some of them actually. Somewhat cathartic.
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I've had this weird white pimple in the corner of my eye for some time now, what is it and how do I get rid of it?
I feel like their disgustingness has imprinted on me and made me impure. Like Im tainted for having sex with them. >>101554>>101566
Thank you guys, I really appreacite it. I try to view it that way myself, and others tell me that as well
I enjoy watching them suffer, though I wish they would suffer more. Nice to see them crash and burn without me
I feel you anon, I just got out of a bad apartment situation so I sympathize. Renting is such a fucking crapshoot, you never know if you're going to get a landlord or renting agency who actually does their job or just ignores all your problems and makes your life hell until your lease ends.
I agree with what the other anon said and document their weirdness as much as possible and keep in touch with management. Also, if they're making noise in the middle of the night and disturbing you, you absolutely have grounds to file a noise complaint.
Are you me?
I'm in the exact same situation but struggle with a load of mental health issues on top.
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I don't have any mental health issues that I know of, so I can only imagine how it must be for you. Maybe we'll do it one day, nonnie. I'll be rooting for you too.
I'm kinda in a bind with some family members, and I don't see a way out. Looking for second opinions.
I'm babysitting for my cousins, their 10 year old and toddler, who has yet to be potty trained. I don't really need the money as my husband has a great job, and I see it as I'm helping out some family. However. The hours are starting to get too long, and it's effecting my own school work. One cousin has school in a town over, and I understand it takes time to drive, but the days he decides to stay at school to study effect me as well.
Cousins are starting to act like I should bend to their will at any given point. One day they tell me they need me on a certain day, the next they tell me it's a different day and I misheard. Sometimes I would have plans, but be forced to drop them to watch the kids.
I know I don't need the money, and this part might sound petty, but they cut my check in half. I did some math and I'm making about 5 dollars an hour. They were already paying me a small amount, but this feels like a slap in the face.
Am I just being a baby? What would you anons do?
They're taking advantage of you, point blank. I mean an on-call sitter for $5/hour? I wouldn't be surprised if they keep pushing you until you're nannying for free. Family or not, I would set firm boundaries, like not dropping plans if they pull a bait and switch on the date.
Ultimately, you don't need the job so put your needs first. These are not your kids and you should be able to focus on your studies.
I have a small family so I can't relate when people bow to their relatives whims but can't you just… say no? You're not really in a bind tbh, you don't owe them politeness if they are making demands of you. Literally just say whatever reasoning makes you not want to if they ask you to watch the kids. >Only if you pay me more than $5 an hour>No, I'm going out>No, I have school work
And then they are forced to accommodate you if they ever want you to do them the favour of babysitting. They sound ungrateful and like they're taking advantage.
They're 100% taking advantage of you and I can understand why you're upset. They've found themselves a cheap babysitter so they're not paying you a proper wage and they're not treating you with the same respect as they would a professional nanny (changing dates and getting you to babysit short notice is horrible). Not only that but this kind of work is really trapping because there are no payslips, there are no documents to show the hours you've worked and since they're family, you can't use them as a reference on a CV. You're not being offered the same rights as someone who is working in childcare through an industry so it's incredibly easy for them to underpay or change the agreements.
Firstly, either tell them that you need to concentrate on your studies and either that you can't babysit anymore or you're restricted to babysitting for certain hours (if you do that, don't let them push you into doing an extra day/hour because they'll keep pushing until you're back to square one). If you do continue, research what rights you have (maybe contact a local union for childcare or domestic workers for advice). For example, in my country it's your right
to be paid the minimum wage, be given written evidence of the hours you worked, have a statement outlining the terms/conditions of your employment and to be registered as an employee (might be different for you, though). If they don't provide you with any of that, they're taking advantage of you and they don't give a shit about you. Also, I'm assuming they're in college so their college probably has struck a deal with a local creche to offer reduced prices for students (which would also save them time and money transporting the kids to your house!) so it won't be the worst if you do decide to give it up.
I know it's going to be hard because they're family and you want to give them a good deal but if this is negatively impacting your life, you're not
obligated to do it. You have to put yourself first sometimes.
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Am I retarded for wearing children's clothes in my early/mid 20s? I don't think it looks that dumb, and I work in a high end specialty store where playful styles are encouraged, so…
I've gotten compliments on stuff like pic related, which is a children's dress from Uniqlo. I want to think as look as it isn't gaudy I can pull it off as regular clothing, but I have the nagging feeling that I would end up on that old show What Not To Wear if it were still around.
I need an outside opinion because I can't decide if there should be hard and fast rules about this kind of thing.
are you doing it because you can fit children's sizes? if that's the case, who cares lol you're probably saving a ton of money.
i don't see the problem as long as it doesn't look like children's clothes. i am a very feminine girl, yet i often shop from the men's section. if i were shorter and i found children's clothes that i liked, i'd probably wear them too.
i think having rules about this would be strange though. they sell a lot of nice and high quality children's clothes with very basic designs (miniature "adult" clothes?). the dress you posted is not stereotypical kid's clothes at all, it's very 60s and chic imo lol.
Their website says that this dress is intended for girls between the ages of 3 and 13 years.
Sorry, but you, an adult, wearing the same as toddlers and preteens is just creepy.
If you're retarded, so am I. We can be retards together.
Jokes aside no, as long as they don't look way too small or weirdly childish you can do it. I don't know what you look like but assume you're pretty petite, and petite girls can pull that off for longer. The dress could look very 60s if it's short on you and you pair it with tights so whatever.
I have skirts, dresses, and shirts that are size 12-16 that still fit and look cute on. Nobody can tell that they're not adult sizes unless I tell them.>>102565
Girl of my dreams that I've been in love with for several years dumped me last week (we only started talking recently, dated for barely a month). I was sad, but we talked a lot of things through and ultimately I truly do respect and understand her decisions for it, and we've decided to remain friends (as fake as it sounds).
Now I'm just dealing with the aftermath. I went through hoops in my head, adjusting to things like not talking to her anymore (she's busy with work, we both need this space right now), and habits like constantly checking my phone to see her messages and thinking about her all the time. I got through most of it, and I just think fondly about the time we were able to spend with each other and messages we spent with each other, but now I'm just sad. Like looking at her profiles or our old messages doesn't invoke sadness, it's just this lingering sadness that I can't shake off. I feel so empty. I feel drained and I'm constantly blanking out at everything. I don't even want to exist anymore. I spent the weekend with my best friend going shopping and going to a concert we've been waiting months to go to, but even then it was just like this empty feeling wouldn't go away. I guess i can compare it to just standing in a flooded basement. It's not like the water is intensely rushing in and drowning me, but instead I'm just standing in a foot of water. Scooping out the water doesn't help, and I don't know where it's even coming from anymore. It's just there, it feels uncomfortable, and I hate it. I know probably just a necessary part of the healing/moving on process, but god, I feel like I've thinking about the break up less and less but the shitty sad feeling won't leave. I just constantly feel like shit and feel so frustrated that nothing I do seems to fill the void. What am I even supposed to do to fill the void? I don't even feel like it's the need to move on, it's just… I just want to stop feeling so empty all the time.
Thank you guys so much, I know probably nobody irl notices or cares but I guess I just have that worry in the back of my head. And yeah I totally was going for 60s chic with the dress! re: anon who said Uniqlo sizes are huge–yeah, that's a big reason I gravitate towards kids section clothes…I'm not like super skinny fairy elf or anything but I am smaller with a janky bone structure that looks instantly chunky if I don't wear accurately small clothes. I'm totally not into ageplay or an anachan obsessed with fitting in small clothes, I swear. Thank youuu>>102565
lol, I do feel like it might be creepy so I try not to actively flaunt that I'm wearing kid's clothes
Don't feel creepy. I remember that anon, as >>102804
said if it's her. It's some mad tall bitch sperging out at any mention of smaller girls who can fit into childrens sizes lol
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When I met my bf he was a renowned flirt but since then he's convinced me that he doesn't do that anymore and he's serious about us. I believed him UNTIL he brought home a Christmas card from some slut at his work, it was filled with in-jokes and flirty banter, AND it said 'love from'.
Obviously he tried to play it off as nothing, he told me she got everyone a Christmas card. But when I went through his Facebook, there are LOADS of photos of them together at his works Christmas party (posted in a private group for employees). Pic very fucking related, it's one of several of them dancing, touching, linking arms, chatting.
At first I felt like stabbing the lying asshole but now I just feel sad. I want to bring it up with him but I'm scared to admit I was snooping on his laptop. And I'm scared to make myself look crazy and jealous. She has a boyfriend herself, maybe I'm overthinking, there's plenty of photos of him with other people as well maybe it looks worse than it is. Mostly I don't want to lose him to a younger girl.
she's hot. and probably not that into him, which is why she feels comfortable enough to do things like write "love from" and piss about at the work christmas party with him. have you ever written a christmas card to someone you actually like and want to pursue? usually you play it cool.
maybe they're just having fun, because you work for a significant chunk of your life and it's too much time to spend miserable and po-faced. but either way it upsets you and he must know that if he's playing down the relationship.
do you have a tendency to be oversensitive and insecure? have you snapped over little things before like him finding a celebrity hot? i'm just trying to work out what the history is that he might hide a friendship. it seems like you've "had words" before based on your post.
if you're generally chilled out though maybe it is cause for concern. there's a bigger issue whatever it is, and that's trust. just talk to him about it, even if it makes you look like a snooper. if he's got nothing to hide he won't get mad anyway.
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Yeah…thanks…I know that.
>are you oversensitive and insecure
He has admitted to me that he doesn't believe men and women can be friends 99% of the time, because the guy always wants to fuck the girl and that means it isn't a symmetrical relationship, it's not a real friendship. He cut all ties with female friends he had before because if he was honest with himself, he only hung out with them because he was hoping for a chance to sleep with them. His words not mine.
So as far as I'm concerned he shouldn't have any friendships with girls. So wtf is this? There are a dozen or more photos like this and I can't stop staring at them. Maybe some other girls are happy to let their boyfriend hang out with girls they obviously want to fuck but not me. Maybe that makes me insecure.
Part of me knows he's probably just getting an ego boost and wouldn't actually cheat on me but tbh I don't care I don't want him flirting with other girls to stroke his fucking ego.
Uh wth him saying that he never could be friends with a woman is a really red flag then. I would do like what >>102873
said and also mention how "special" you think it is that he found a female friend he doesn't want to fuck. Kinda ot and not to sound prude but that dress is showing so much of her chest in that picture and not in a flattering way.
I'm so sorry anon….
I would say, even if this small encounter does'nt mean he's cheating, it shows that he's the kind of person that can't be trusted, and from experience these kind's of guy's never change and don't really respect women.
BUT i don't know him, and agree that you should just lay all the card's on the table and confront him, pay very close attention to how he react's and what he say's, update us and take it from there.
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This, tbh I have a history of going through his phone and computer and he has been very angry with me before, to the extent that we even broke up for a week. I don't want to risk that if it turns out to be me overthinking.
But there's so many pictures and they make me so sick that I have to find some way of bringing it up. Any way I could just pretend to have seen them accidentally? Or say I got a tip from someone else? I don't know.
Did he tell you that she has a boyfriend or did you find out yourself? I think it's weird she's pushing her tits against him in all the photos.
Maybe you could ask him if theres any pictures from the party?
tbh all these photos of them look like that of a couple. I can sense chemistry from here so you have every right to be upset. I don't know how you could confront him because he is going to shift the blame on you for snooping and pretend to have the higher moral ground.
but those photos don't look innocent at all.
If I were you, I'd be preparing for a breakup.
Bring up the letter, and is there no where these photos could be accessed other than the private group?
Tbh, if it was me i would tell him the letter made me freak out and made me snoop, if he tries to play moral highground tell him that him wanting “privacy” is bullshit when this is part of it.
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Nothing like this with other guys, some jokingly provocative pictures with other girls. She's obviously comfortable being flirtatious. >>102935
I guess confronting him is the only way to go, you're right I shouldn't have to feel bad about spying…>>102918
I stalked her fb as soon as he told me a new girl started at his work, she has a bf for sure
Well he said if a guy is friendly its becauae he wants to fuck other girls.
Anon if shes this comfy when having a bf, she probably gets off on the attention your so is giving her and would and could fuck him if she wanted to.
this, I really want to know.
on the other hand, he's probably going to act insulted for you even thinking that amount of body contact was inappropriate and shame you for snooping.
I don't think there's going to be satisfying end to this story.
Tbh I would agree if it wasn’t for
>he doesn't believe men and women can be friends 99% of the time, because the guy always wants to fuck the girl >he cut all ties with female friends he had before because if he was honest with himself, he only hung out with them because he was hoping for a chance to sleep with them. His words not mine.
I’ve been to my fair share of work Christmas parties and yeah, people dance and mess around but it’s nowhere near as close as in those pictures. Any of those pictures alone? Not a big deal. But the amount of pictures with that statement really would have me worried as well. >>102863
I’m pretty sure he’s at least interested in her. Not gonna go as far as saying he would or is fucking her, but if he’s been as drastic as you say about male/female friendships… that’s not looking too good.
I’m not sure about her though. She might just let them get this close/friendly because she thinks he’s just being friendly because they’re both in a relationship. But then again you don’t know how things are going with her relationship.
I’d say talk about the card first. How you don’t feel like he’s being 100% honest with you because he said he doesn’t believe in men and women being able to be friends when he’s obviously being very friendly with her.
If he says you shouldn’t worry because she has a boyfriend, that’s another huge red flag imo. Because that’s saying if she wasn’t, he totally would fuck her.
I wish you the best of luck.
I really don't see why this is such a obvious sign of cheating? I write love from in 90% of cards I give to people and these photos look like any average Facebook pictures of friends having a good time. They're not even standing that close for what's meant to be dancing? Looks super average like just friends being friends.
I guess the stuff about admitting he only friends girls to fuck them is mildly incriminating, but just cus you'd like to have sex with someone doesn't mean you'd act on it?? Hell, most guys I know have made comments about which of their friends they'd fuck but that doesn't mean they'd go through with it. You're expecting way too much of your bf if you think he's never gonna find another girl attractive while he's with you. Sounds like nothing unusual to me
She's smushing her tits on him at every opportunity, they appear to be holding hands in one of the pictures. If there really are a dozen or more of these pictures then they must have spent a lot of time together at this party, and all of these pictures are them together without anyone else with them.
They look inappropriately intimate for platonic colleagues who have partners
So in pictures like this>>102938
You see nothing inappropriate?
>tall, potentially decent looking guy>'renowned flirt'>admits he doesn't befriend girls because he only wants them for sex
>hot new girl at work>flirtatious card>lots of pictures of them together, alone, touching in all of them
'oh we're just friends baby, you're so paranoid, you've got nothing to worry about! You get jealous so easy'
Yeah right, seen it a million times. The guy is a skeeze.
Agreed with this, like W H Y are there so many pictures of them two cosying up together in different locations? She his "work wife" or nah?
He's an asshole for doing that. It isn't that hard to spend the evening with the other guys.
Not the anon whose bf this is about but to me the issue is not really that might be attracted to her but the way he downplays it.
Like, he’s trying to sell it as something totally normal and not out of the ordinary and that she treats all the coworkers the same, yet there’s a bunch of pictures proving that they - in fact - are closer than the averages-workers.
Body language. Holding hands, sitting as close together, hugging … this is quite intimate for co-workers tbh. Even the co-workers of mine that I‘m friendly and meet out of work with I wouldn’t be as close with.
As so many others said: Seen it so many times.
Also, there’s a huge difference between finding someone attractive enough that under different circumstances you would consider hooking up and knowingly tip-toeing around the ‚this is cheating‘ line because you don’t have the balls with going through with either the breakup or the cheating. But sooner or later it will happen.
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Things like this make me so worried, like what if I am being overly jealous? He's gonna be really angry when he finds out I snooped so I need to be sure I'm not overreacting.
Have decided i have to say something though, will update tomorrow
Why are you dating a Chad in the first place, anon? At least from what I can make out from his face shape and his obvious height.
What do you expect from a conventionally attractive person, lol? Same with her bf. The status isn't worth it.
Not to add fuel to this fire but my first thing is wondering why his hand is anywhere near her ass in the first place. He's tall sure whatever, but anyone who isn't his gf he should have put his hand on her shoulder. She's grabbing him tightly around the waist and he's doing the same to her. Holding hands I'm not 100% on, but that's just not alright to me personally.
If she hugged every other man and woman in the party like this, it's how she shows affection I guess. But if it's just them two all night, something's weird and the closeness of that ass to hand combo is a warning sign imo.
Paranoia or not, if it's making you uncomfortable and upset it's best you speak up rather than hold it in. Hope it all goes okay.
Do you remember what the card said exactly btw?
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does anyone use cannabis oil pain treatments? one of my coworkers swears by some balm thing but i'm wary of the huge price tag. i get a muscle strain in my back at work sometimes if i'm really busy or feeling stressed. it's not terrible enough to go to a doctor for, i usually just use icyhot but i want something a bit stronger. would rather not do pills.
Okay some things about this that make me uncomfortable:
1. The "men and women can't be friends" comment. It reflects so much on his view of women. The fact that he cut ties with other women but won't with this one is very telling. He may as well be wearing a sign around his neck that says he wants to fuck her.
2. In every photo they are touching. Like other anons said, if I didn't know the context I'd probably assume they were a couple. In one they are holding hands, he's not shy about touching her waist
and in another they're linking arms. A little too close for my liking.
3. All of the photos are just the two of them together by themselves (alone in the cafeteria, alone on the dancefloor). Sure, these could be staged by someone taking photos for the facebook group but one of these photos is a selfie and another was taken in a random hallway, not at the party. None of the pics anon posted are group photos (which you'd expect to see at a staff party).
To be clear, I'm not the jealous type. My boyfriend has lots of female friends and I actually encourage him to make them because I think it makes men more sympathetic towards women (it's easy to dehumanise or objectify women if you don't actually know any beyond sticking your genitals in them). He told me that he brings up the fact that he has a girlfriend early on because a lot of girls will assume he's flirting if he doesn't and it makes them more comfortable. So if your bf doesn't do that, I'd be worried because it means that he wants to look available. Another thing is that my bf's female friends are usually part of a group, he doesn't hang around with one of them in empty cafeterias. If they go to lunch, they go to lunch as a group. If they go to a staff party, they hang around together. All of the photos from my bf's staff parties are groups of people sitting at tables or groups of people dancing. I wouldn't mind if he took a selfie with a female friend, but if I saw him with his arms wrapped around some other girl and he was bragging about how he wants to fuck every girl he meets yeah, we'd have a fucking problem.
I'm so sorry you have to go through this anon and I hope you gain the courage to talk to him about it. Your concerns are totally valid, especially considering his nasty comments about women. Guys like this rely on the fact that you'll
look crazy if you try to speak up about it. All that guilt you're feeling about snooping is something he caused by having an argument about it with you in the past. If he respects you, he'd listen to your concerns and he wouldn't push the boundaries with what you're comfortable with like that! If he wasn't such an untrustworthy scumbag you wouldn't have the desire to snoop anyway. I like the other anon's ideas of trying to meet up with her for dinner or asking for photos but tbh that just prolongs your suffering. You may as well just spit it out and get it over with but don't do anything that would put your safety at risk. Good luck and I'll be thinking about you xx
Do this>ask to see photos from the party>if he says none were taken call him out on his lying and tell him what you found
More reason to be concerned if he's lying about it
>ask to see photos from the party>He shows you the pictures and you can ask>no one has to know you snooped
Don’t you have friends that could let you crash on their couch or anything?
Too bad you deleted the pictures, because I would have reverse image searched the heck out of them. But check the girlfriend image thread and similar on 4chan etc. Just in case.
What I don’t understand is what’s the difference between porn and premium Snapchat? Premium Snapchat is basically porn, it just gives the illusion of being more personal. But it’s still porn and is totally fine imo. I really don’t see the problem with that.
I'm so sorry you had to experience this anon. Your boyfriend is crossing way too many boundaries here, so you need to find some way of leaving him. He sounds pornsick, and the only way that will stop is if he is willing to see how unacceptable this behaviour is and stop engaging in porn. Do you think you could discuss this with him? If not, could you go and stay with friends for a while?>>103052
Anon your last comment is so unhelpful. He's taking secret nudes without her consent, constantly pushing for sex, trying to engage a sex worker one-to-one, and still watching porn…and you honestly can't see how all these things could be linked? Now isn't the time for "uwu accept his porn use it's normal for men in relationships to watch women they don't know having sex! But idk why he would be acting in such a sexually inappropriate manner!"
Wtf anon this is disgusting. Like >>103052
said it's almost guaranteed he's posted them somewhere online. Check to see what laws he's breaking in your country (does this count as revenge porn?). If this guy is obsessively watching porn and pressuring you into sex, he's sick in the head and you need to get out. I'm hoping you have a friend who could take you in for a while. Stay safe anon xxx
>>103054>He's taking secret nudes without her consent
Which is disgusting and wrong, never stated otherwise
>constantly pushing for sex
Which is arguable but tbh from what anon wrote you can’t tell whether or not she has made clear that he’s pushy. Yes, it’s still kinda annoying to keep asking and asking even though you’re obviously not in the mood. But he might just have a high sex drive and I don’t see how asking for sex in a relationship is wrong, as long as he’s not raping or manipulating/pressuring into sex. And nothing in her text said he was doing either of those.
>trying to engage a sex worker one-to-one
Kek he was literally just asking to be added to the premium account because he probably had paid for it and losing access to something you paid for sucks. I don’t see how asking for the premium is genuinely trying to start an actual conversation
>and still watching porn
What’s the ‘still’ supposed to mean?
He has paid for porn and still watches porn? He asked anon for sex a lot and still watches porn? He has invaded her privacy and taken pictures of her and still watches porn?
Like, I genuinely don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.
But yeah, I personally only know guys (online and irl) that know the difference between porn and reality and still treat women respectfully. Porn is not the issue. The guy is.
Saying "trying to have sex with me as many times as possible" doesn't sound like anon is enjoying the sexual attention - any caring partner would realise that and knock it off. You might only find that "a bit annoying" but many would find the constant requests a source of pressure, which should never happen in regards to sex.
"I didn't think he'd go so far as to ask for premium Snapchat. I feel so horrible and unsafe" - again, anon clearly doesn't feel okay about this at all. If you don't mind your partner paying to watch a woman other than you perform sex acts then that's your deal, but many of us would find this extremely hurtful. I would class it as cheating, especially as it's so direct…it's not like finding a random porn film, many buy the Snapchat of women they really fancy for the intimate experience.
I said "still" because he's doing ALL of this. How much sexual content/contact does the average person need, really? And you're telling me that you think this is normal, and in no way influencing what he thinks is okay? Yes, obviously it is the individual guy who makes the choice to behave that way, but you can still recognise what might be driving him to do it.
Please leave anon, that's so awful.
Re the naked photos thing, an ex did that to me a lot and I stupidly continued the relationship. It was symptomatic of a complete underlying lack of respect for women - I'm convinced he just didn't see women as human or anything other than objects. He ended up physically and emotionally abusing me and sleeping with loads of people behind my back. I'm still fucked up over it five years later. Please please please don't stay with him for security because it won't be safe in the long term. I'm sorry this happened to you.
There definitely are men like this, I just wanted to quickly reply before someone else does because so many users here are jaded af.
The only thing I can recommend is knowing a guy for a really long time first, which is difficult because it relies on you making friends with a guy purely as a friend, but then somehow magically becoming attracted to them anyway. I just say this because all of the best guys I've ever dated were known to me irl first either as good friends or as friends of friends or something, so they were vetted in a sense and I already knew they they were less likely to be misogynistic to fit in with their crowds.
Even if you don't know him, you need to have chats irl to see where his ideals lie. Classic tells are how does he treat his own family, how is he with animals etc
The fact that there hasn’t been an update makes me feel like it didn’t go well.
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OK I did this and here's how it went..
I asked him if there were any photos of his staff party and he instantly saw through me. He just said 'this is about (girls name) isn't it'
I was completely unable to to hold in my emotions and started crying and asking what the fuck there was between them. I shouted a lot of things tbh about her being a slut and him being an asshole, he just sort of looked at me frowning, kind of sympathetically.
When I was done he admitted there was 'definitely chemistry' between him and this girl. He admitted to being sexually attracted to her. He says as soon as they met he knew there was a spark. I start crying again, thinking this is the end of our relationship. I always worried he would leave me for a new exciting fuck, and now it was happening.
A while ago we had a threesome with another girl. It was my idea, my fantasy, I arranged it through Tinder. And he says that now he's confused about where the boundaries are. Once he's fucked another girl in front of me, what's the problem with putting his hand round the waist of a coworker? He says he was planning on trying to get this girl to sleep with both of us. Once when I was drunk I said i thought she was attractive so he took that to mean I would be into it.
But that's totally fucked up? The boundaries might not be made explicit but they were implicitly clear. The threeway we had was arranged together, with both our knowledge. He says he was going to ask me about it 'once there was something to ask'. But in the mean time can't he see that I'm sat home alone like a fool, while he's out dancing and flirting with some younger girl he actively wants to fuck? With all his coworkers watching, thinking what an idiot I am?
He says he didn't think, he can see that now. He seemed a little choked up. He starts apologising and saying he realises how I must feel. And seeing him look genuinely cut up, I can't help but soften.
But now what? Am I meant to be OK with him going back to work with this girl? He says he will absolutely drop it and make sure everyone knows it was a fuck-up. But how can I trust that? Am I being gaslit here, surely he must've known how I would feel about it. Did he really expect me to be like 'oh you wanna bang some slut from your work, yeah OK I'm up for it'?
Oh and one more thing, he admitted to driving her home that night (!). But swears he didn't kiss her.
I really love him and can understand how boundaries might be less clear but I feel hurt. I'd be willing to try and get past it if I could absolutely trust him not to pursue her but how can I?
Anon, I’m sorry but this relationship is dead and gone. There is no saving it. Judging by what you said before about your insecurities, I really doubt you’d be the one to bring up wanting a threesome (and honestly why didn’t you mention that earlier?)
He’s only sad because he got caught and feels that you’re on the brink of pulling away. You cannot trust him. He wants to flirt around and your trust is irreparable. You’ll be anxious every time he’s at work, every time he goes out, that’s no way to live.
When a man shows you his true nature, you need to believe that. This guy showed you that he’s a flirt and a playboy who cannot be trusted.
You deserve better anon. I know it’s not easy to cope with a breakup, especially during the holidays. But it’ll be worth it, you’ll heal, you’ll get better, and after some time passes you’ll see how much happier you are without him in your life.
Anon, I don't mean to jump the gun here or make you feel like shit or blog, but my boyfriend acted the exact same way and a year later I found out he had been carrying on a relationship with another girl for half of our relationship. He gaslit the shit out of me and told me I was acting crazy, which basically I was because I knew in my gut that there was something wrong but didn't have evidence to prove it. I would bring things up and he would literally tell me that I was crazy and suavely make up some cover story about it. I would go on about how I knew there was something up with her but didn't have proof until one day I discovered he had a fake instagram that he had blocked me from and it had loads of pictures of them together, it was like everyone knew but me. Their relationship started by him driving her home from work one night. He begged me for forgiveness but I knew deep down that I would never, ever be able to get past what he did or trust him even though I loved him. Do you feel in your gut that something is wrong? Do you feel in your gut that you can't trust him? Do you feel like even though he knows how you feel, he might not be able to control himself? Have you caught him lying about other things in the past, things that he tried to cover up or covered up well? I feel like you know, deep down, that you can't trust him anymore. And as much as it hurts I think you should dump him. I'm really sorry, I totally feel for you.
this hurts to read anon, i'm sorry that you're in this situation.
i can't see how your relationship is going to come back from this. he has already admitted to being sexually attracted to someone he sees often at work and has already been making moves to get close to her (as seen in the pictures). if you hadn't found out about this, he was going to ask her to fuck without you even knowing about her. if he had good intentions, he would not have been asking a girl for a threesome when you didn't even know about her. it seems like he is willing to be unfaithful and the threesome you previously had felt like some sort of permission to him.
>>103187>A while ago we had a threesome with another girl. It was my idea, my fantasy, I arranged it through Tinder. And he says that now he's confused about where the boundaries are. Once he's fucked another girl in front of me, what's the problem with putting his hand round the waist of a coworker? He says he was planning on trying to get this girl to sleep with both of us. Once when I was drunk I said i thought she was attractive so he took that to mean I would be into it.
So basically, he's going to take advantage of your one time generosity to try and fuck every girl he wants to. 'Confused' my ass, he knows what he's doing and thinks he can get away with it now he knows you'll let him sleep with another girl.
I would break up with him for being a slut. But then again I would never participate in a threesome so maybe you can tolerate him actively making plans to fuck other women more than I can.
That's actually pretty in character for him tbh, even I had a bf when we met. He always tells his friends 'just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot'
Everyone is recommending I break up with him. I can see the strength of that argument and I know everyone will think I'm stupid but I don't think I'm going to. I think he is genuinely remorseful and if we try we can rebuild trust. We are engaged, we rent a house, we have a cat. I have to think he is serious about us.
so this guy actively pursues women who are already taken, you included? you're delusional to stay with him. he WILL cheat on you and go "b-but we had a threesome once" (another mistake). you are always going to mistrust him, wonder if he's pursuing other women when you aren't around. and the answer will be yes.
please love yourself. this guy is red flag central and not life partner material.
Since you're enganged I really think you should at least go see a couples counselor together. There obviously is some kind of communication issues
>got christmas card>acted like it was nothing>it was actually something
I don't blame you for feeling insecure.
Also since he thinks that "just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot" please reflect on what it actually means to be in a relationship with him.
I'm almost sure he will suggest an open relationship/marriage at some point
Now you’re engaged? Before you just said he was your boyfriend. The fact that you’re engaged and have a House makes his behavior even more deplorable. There is really no saving this relationship. I’m sorry anon, this is the cold hard truth.
I made a mistake over the summer, I dated a guy who was still sleeping with his ex. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I tried to be the “cool girl” and hide my jealousy. In the end he was lying to us both, and ended up being a horribly manipulative and abusive person. I had ignored my gut feeling and my friends advice and in the end I was a fool. But I know better now. Men don’t deserve the benefit of the doubt. You’re seriously ready to dedicate the rest of your life to this man? You want to spend the rest of your life anxious and insecure? Throwing threesomes at him to placate him?
You need to love yourself and move on. Because this will go up in flames, maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but one day, he will leave you with nothing.
Okay anon, think clearly, you saw the christmas card and he lied about it, now ask yourself why would he lie about that at all if he thought you would love the idea?
He drove her home anon… I’m sorry but i think they did more than kissing…
See, I am engaged and had a somewhat similar issue before and my current fiance did not and would not act like yours did, which is why we're engaged. Some girl I'd never met before messaged me with a bunch of outlandish claims, and some photoshopped convos. I snooped around and while he was a bit hurt that I didn't trust him, he was able to cut off a toxic "friend" who had been manipulating him, claiming she'd kill herself if he stopped talking to her.
If people have good intentions they don't act like assholes.
This exact thing happened to me at my work. The girl I was talking about confronted me. I just said 'I don't know anything about that', when she pressed me on it I said 'listen, I don't like to get involved in stupid stuff like this. Don't bring me into it'
Worked like a charm.
Take it as a life lesson to bitch less about people. Sometimes they hear about it.
Either that or he tried to make a move but she turned her down.
Saying that he didn’t kiss her without you asking is basically saying he wanted to.
>'definitely chemistry' between him and this girl. >says as soon as they met he knew there was a spark>always tells his friends 'just because there's a goalkeeper doesn't mean you shouldn't take a shot'
The only reason he says he’s gonna cut it off is because there’s no way for you to find out if he doesn’t.
He’s a child and in no way wants a relationship. He wants the best of both worlds. The security and amenities of having a girlfriend but also the freedom of someone who’s single. There’s a 99% chance he’s either gonna cheat and leave or suggest an open relationship/marriage.
I don’t know how many more red flags you need. If you choose to forgive and trust him again, don’t be surprised if you get hurt again, because you will. And you know why? Because he can. You let him.
Dump his ass and start becoming an independent and confident women. Don’t waste anymore time on this misogynistic, immature ass.
My sister married a guy just like yours.
You think your heart-wrenching insecurity hurts now? Imagine when you have his baby growing inside you. Imagine when you go through the pain of birthing and raising his kids and his fuck-around tendencies only get worse over time (they always do).
If you're not happy now, you'll be miserable when your burden increases tenfold.
Leave before he ruins your life. Let things get hard now, get your cat, get your things, go through that shit now so you aren't a single mother 5 years from now wishing you could go back in time and slap yourself.
Telling your girlfriend you are sexually attracted to another woman is a douche move, AND THEN blaming her, because you secretly flirting (or more) with another woman you see every day is exactly the same as a consensual threesome arranged BY your girlfriend where the other woman is a stranger…
No advice but I hate this dude.
Like your boyfriend isn't "confused about the boundaries" he's a cunt. Doing something in a specific situation, where you both consented doesn't suddenly mean you guys have an open relationship, and even if he was """confused""" he should have asked
you about it. Even if he thought you wanted a girl, he should have asked
you first. Now he's trying to claim that he's trying to get you pussy as a present for another threesome you hadn't discussed. Well guess what, he was trying to date the other girl and present you
as a potential threesome and hope you'd both be cool with eachother so he could have both girls. Someone who's trying to scout a girl isn't going to be taking so many pics with her like this. Boy is playing you both.
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I need to post this meme here. I need to share this meme!
Anon listen to me clearly.
He has no respect for you (anymore). He might have had a tiny little bit of respect for you priorly, but not enough to withstand a threesome. You gave him an inch, and now he's going to keep taking miles.
In his mind you forgave him for fucking a girl in front of you. So he feels like you will be crazy enough to forgive anything. If you forgive him now for trying to have an affaire with his co worker, you are confirming that. Next time you will actually catch him having fucked other people.
So I just went out on a fourth date with this guy and I'm STILL not sure how I feel. He's cute, I like kissing him, our conversations are good…yet I still can't definitively say whether I want to pursue relationship or be just friends.
At least part of what's making me feel so iffy about romantic potential is the level of affection he is offering me only after a few weeks of knowing me. Saying he misses me, that I'm beautiful, that he thinks we'd be good together. It seems he is used to moving a bit fast in his relationships. I'm not used to people showing me that amount of affection so soon, and I find sometimes with people like that they're really just putting you up on a pedestal/projecting an image on to you and you end up disappointing them or feeling dehumanized, so that scares me.
Really I'm not used to super affectionate people in general, even though I'm quite affectionate myself, so it's hard to know what the appropriate middle ground is, what's genuine, what's a red flag and what's not…He's apologized for being "weird" and "needy" and I've mentioned my concerns a bit so at least he's aware of it.
But what if it's just that I'm really not into him in a romantic way, so that's why I'm so uncertain and averse to his affection? Sorry for the wall of text, I know I'm probably overthinking this but I'm just super anxious.
is right, trust your gut hun. Every single time I've ignored mine and rolled with things going too fast, I got rolled over in the process. If he's aware of it and knows he's needy, he knows he's taking things too fast and should stop. If he didn't back off and just said "sorry lel" and kept up with it, you gotta step back.
He might be cute, he might be a good kisser but there's tons of cute guys out there and once you find one you'll know 100% he's the one. If you're not 100%, and your gut isn't either, don't go for it.
So, this is kind of long and convoluted, but plz anons give advice.
So, I've been talking to this guy on a dating app who is really cute, nice, funny, fun to talk to, etc… he's basically my dream guy. I really want to meet up with him but I'm so insecure about my body that I'm terrified.
I know I'm overweight, but I'm by no means a land whale. I have recently been eating healthy and working out so don't yell at me for being fat, plz. I am tall too so I just look… large scale, in general. I have a really distorted view of my body as in I literally have zero idea of what I actually look like. I would post a picture of some random girl showing how fat I am, but I don't even know what I look like enough to compare myself to someone the same size as me. When I look in the mirror I think I have a good body, and don't look really fat, but then I see pictures of myself or see my fat chin or remember I wear a size 12 pants and realize how fat I really am.
My other issue is that I'm very photogenic, and my weight doesn't really show on camera. On my profile I look normal weight, I guess (again, I feel like I have no idea what my body looks like). I mean I don't have any bikini pics but I have full body pictures of myself, I'm not actively hiding my body.
I have met up with guys from sites like tinder, bumble, etc. before and none of them have said anything about my weight ever. It just makes me so nervous every time because I feel like they're expecting a super skinny girl with an amazing body, which I 100% do not have. I want to meet up with this guy so bad, we get along so well, but I feel like I have been misleading him because my pictures don't show what I really look like. I feel like I should say "hey, btw, I'm fat" but then he 100% would not want to meet up. And I don't want him to see me from across the bar and leave immediately or go home and tell his friends he got catfished.
So anons, should I just stop talking to him and not meet up? Or should I just get over myself and meet up with him and hope he is not too judgmental of my body?
have you heard of mybodygallery?
that can sometimes help contextualise your body.
is this a US size 12 you're talking about?
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yes, US size 12
looking through the gallery of people my same height/weight this looks most similar to me I think.
That's fine imo, especially if you're tall. She still has a decent waist line (inb4 some anon comes in claiming only 20 inch waists with 40 inch hips are acceptable kek).
Some girls just have wider frames, so if you have a bit of extra weight on you start to feel like an ogress compared to tiny framed 5'2" ladies. iktf.
And like other anons said, it is hard to hide weight in photos unless you're posing to hell and back and shooping.
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How far do you think is acceptable when lying on a resume? Is it okay to put down a place you never worked if it was years ago? I have so many big gaps…
Yes, I've done this before. Depending on the job they won't even look. However I've put a friends phone number as a managers from the fake job, let the friend know and it's worked out.
A lot of the time they won't contact said job, depending on what you're applying for.
HOWEVER if they do find out you're lying, they will probably trash your resume and you shouldn't apply there again for 6 months. (Although you probably wouldn't apply again anyways, it's embarrassing.) What kind of job are you applying for, anon?
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i basically have the worst body type ever and it’s making me suicidal. im trying to lose weight but my rib cage is huge and already showing. what should I do? what exercises should i do? how should i dress? am i doomed to look gross and masculine forever? please help me farmers
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Same big ribcage problem, but I have a longer torso (I'm guessing you're short?).
At least you (we) still have a relatively defined waist, so be grateful or that. You don't look like an apple shape.
You just have to accept that you'll never have the teeny-tiny waistline most "ideal" women have and move on from there. I've personally come to terms with it by trying to bulk up and get strong. If I can't be the perfectly curvaceous woman I might as well be able to beat people up, right?>>103499
Definitely not, I'm sure it keeps her lungs and heart safe and sound and she has a cute shape (not to make you uncomfortable, anon).
But when comparing yourself the insecurity arises. I'm sure you can spot the difference.
Anyway, don't suicide over this anon. You're fine.
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shouldn’t it look more pushed in like this? my band size is 32 but in pictures i just look so wide like a fridge. am i just delusional or suffering from body dysmorphia? the longer i look at those photos of myself the more wrong i look
yeah i wish i looked exactly like your photo. i don’t think my waist is defined enough. it feels like it’s too high up on my body and since im square shaped it doesn’t look right. i usually wear corsets and waist trainers whenever i can.
im just going to have to accept my body. i hate that. i wish i could just get a body do over lol. im glad you’re feeling better about your body and found happiness in working out and strength. personally i don’t want an overly muscular look for myself and the last thing i want is to risk getting more square shaped and have my legs get bigger. im going to try to work out more just for the sake of health than just hoping to suddenly have a >24 inch waist
i have the same body shape as you!!! wide hips, wide ribs, little to no waist … it's so obnoxious. you think once you lose weight you'll have that sexy tiny body but it never works out.. but clothing wise i have to wear tight dresses and skirts. it gives the illusion that it's smaller than what it really is!! pants and jeans never flatter my waist, so i'll end up wearing leggings instead.
the only time my waist looked decent was when i was doing pole fitness!! it also helps a lot with self-esteem. if you can find someplace easily accessible and affordable in your area, you should really try it out!!
i cry constantly when i see myself in my mirror, because i think i look gross and masculine too. i really feel you girl. the best you can do is to wear flattering clothes, and honestly that's enough for me to feel temporarily better when i see my reflection. you got this queen. self acceptance is a journey.
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you’re really lucky you have long legs! i wouldn’t hate my body so much if i had some other attractive feature. when i was chubbier i had pretty ok breasts, but now they’re small and saggy and very far apart. i don’t have an ass and my legs only look good when covered up. >>103506
i also look terrible in pants! im glad it’s body shap related. im average/short in height (5’2) and i live in skirts and dresses. i wish i could wear flared tight jeans but they look awful on me. i compensate for my body by wearing frilly jfashion shit, i feel cute and dainty in those clothes even though i probably don’t suit them according to my body type >>103507
this isn’t an every day feeling, but it comes and goes. there are some days i look at my body in the mirror and feel sick. maybe suicidal isn’t the right word. it’s not that i want to die but i just wish i didn’t exist. >>103508
i don’t think my waist is defined at all. it’s weird to see people say that. if i was posted in /snow/ im sure most farmers would deride me for not having a waist. after reading the truly unbiased opinions of anons on here im really facing the fact that my body image is extremely warped. >>103509
i would kill to look like Emily browning, i think she’s so cute and delicate, but she’s far thinner and smaller in frame than me. maybe i can use her as workout inspiration? i wouldn’t mind not having a defined waist if my ribs weren’t so obnoxiously wide
so guys, we went out for dinner last night and I think it went well. we got along really well and talked nonstop, no awkward silences or anything. we only parted ways because he had work early in the morning. something i've been kinda freaking out about is he didn't kiss me when we split up, he just hugged me, which idk if it's a big deal or not? he seemed kind of nervous throughout the date.
this morning I texted him and said that I had fun last night and he replied and said he did too. I suggested we hang out later this week, but he said he'll be visiting his family in another state for the holidays and then eluded to trying to make plans for new years. I suggested that if he didn't make other plans he could join me at a party i'm going to, but he never replied…. he is kind of slow at texting but I feel like he's just not interested now, even though we had a good time and he texted me back earlier today? idk, in my experience if a guy didn't enjoy a date he just wouldn't have replied in the first place.
so, am I just freaking out over nothing regarding him 1. not kissing me and 2. not replying to my text yet that I sent this afternoon? hopefully he has just been busy and will reply tomorrow, but i'm scared I've been too forward ugh. it doesn't help that I overthink everything
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How to cope with retarded boyfriend?
Basically my issue here is he was catfished when he was 12-15 years old. It was a very hard time in his life as he had just lost a parent and it was around this time he suddenly encountered a kawaii japanese 12 year old who loved all the things he loved on psn.
I have been shown exchanged emails, messages, etc, and all signs point to extremely obvious catfish. This was also in the time when the Japanese girl persona was extremely common with catfishes.
However… No matter how obvious it is, he won't let it go. In classic catfish manner, she disappeared when he was around 16 and "died" from "terminal spine and brain cancer". Surely someone agrees this is another massive red flag, right?
She was also rich, lived in a gated community, terminally ill, kaomoji using kawaii anime waifu, who promised him he could be rich and live in Japan with her.
When I first heard all this, I thought he was just recounting a catfishing story. But when I told him stories of me being catfished when I was around that age, he replied with "she isn't a catfish."
Throughout our relationship, he is still obsessed with "her". Reading old chatlogs while I'm in the room, his friends tagging him in posts with her supposed name, posting pictures of her messages on his story, his fucking stage name was her username for a long time, and while we were in Japan together, he wanted to go to this location far away and wouldn't say why. Turns out, he was going to try and look for her FAMILY HOME and ask her imaginary parents about her and for BABY PICTURES. What the fuck? This was extremely early in our relationship as well, and he is my first boyfriend, so I was truly lost for words.
And to top it all off, while he was showing me something on his computer, I saw a file in recent documents that said "[Japanese Girl] possible houses". I felt like total shit.
I'm not the type to do this but while i was using the computer I looked at the file. And I opened another text file in the same folder. It was a big forum post and it just hurt to read. Referring to her as his girlfriend, etc. Just writing it makes me want to cry.
I've told him many times how uncomfortable it makes me. Every girl I've asked has said it would make them feel absolutely awful. His exgirlfriend when I knew her used to cry about it.
I love him so much but I don't know what to do. He can be so shockingly unfeeling and lacks empathy especially when I'm upset over something. He's like a teenage boy emotionally, selfish and unfeeling.
Hurts a whole lot and I feel so stuck. Advice appreciated.
First of all: yes. He was most definitely catfished.
However, his feeling of loss and grief is real, even if the girl isn’t. Would he maybe consider therapy? I mean, he first experienced the loss of a parent and just a few years later loses the person he during that time fell in love with. Even for an adult this would be hard to overcome, but he was a teenager. He does need help to cope with this.
If you really want to stay with him, you need to tell him that he needs to learn to let go. He can’t have two relationships at the same time. It’s okay to grieve the loss, it’s okay to think back and look at old stuff from time to time, but what he’s doing right now is in no way a healthy way to cope. He’s keeping the wounds fresh when they need to heal. He needs to close this chapter of his life and as I said, if he can’t do it on his own he needs therapy.
I don’t know for how long you two have been dating but unless you really want to put up with A LOT of struggle, let go. He obviously isn’t ready for this relationship just yet and he might never really get over the idea of what the relationship with that „girl“ might have been like.
In my opinion you should just let go. It doesn’t seem to be worth it imo.
Also, what >>103554
said. Please, love yourself.
I don’t know what you‘re working as but some bosses understand and might let you go if you explain what happened. I would at least try to get the day off. Maybe just say you’re sick.
But that does sound serious enough that you should be there.
I hope she‘ll be okay. Feel hugged, anon.
I work for my family (aka my mom) and she's going to the hospital but she's making me stay here. my mom just let me know she's probably having a mild stroke. I just hope they take care of the problem has fast as possible.
thank you I really appreciate it, anon
This sounds eerily similar to my ex, and I'm shocked that this type of catfish is a common thing because I always suspected it but didn't want to be cruel. Tldr, my ex was a manchild with a god complex and wouldn't stop being upset about his dead ex gf, who was an online gf (happened around the same age range as yours, 13-16) who played steam games with him and disappeared when she allegedly died in a Japanese hospital from surgery complications. The surgery was supposedly to treat the after effects of a fire that killed her family. Like…what. This girl (?) supposedly died on Christmas eve and now my ex gets really drunk and shuts himself in his room every year on that date. While we were dating, I requested my friends give me diaries or dream logs for my birthday instead of gifts. He gave me a small book of poems he wrote about his dead catfish e-gf.
I have no advice, but I understand you on so many levels.
I'd ask if I could join… If I knew at any point. I don't find out until afterwards. If I heard in advance I'd ask if I could come.>>103535
I would honestly hate myself if THAT'S the reason they don't like me. fml.
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That sounds fucking horrible. At least I know someone out there has also suffered from manchild bf whos obsessed with a dead japanese girl that never existed. How did you end up breaking up with him?
I'm gonna try one last time to tell him that it just can't be like this anymore, and ask him to go to therapy in the nicest way possible. Every friend I asked and showed the files in question are furious and begging me to leave him.
He's my first boyfriend, I lost my virginity to him and I do love him. Without this stupid fucking Japanese dead girlfriend shit things would be fine and it just tears me apart that something this retarded is going to be the thing that ruins it.
However I can't put up with this and I won't. Its been a year of us together and far longer since she "died" and he's still obsessed (hes 24 now).
Thanks for your advice anons, if you have any more that would be really appreciated cause I've never done relationships before.
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I have no idea what thread I should post this in but has anybody got any advice on treating self-harm scars? I never had scars these deep before and I'm afraid I'll never get rid of them, I feel like utter shit seeing what I have done to myself and I'm terrified of summer as I will have to wear clothing that exposes my scars.
Can you get laser treatment on such scars?
Not sure but you could try bio oil?
And I think it would be worth asking a derm for laser.
My boyfriend of 4 months still talks about his ex. He was with her for 2~ years and they broke up a few months before we got together. From what he's told me he has had several abusive/unhealthy relationships in his life with her being one of them.I want to believe everything he says, but I don't know her and I can only gather a little from his friends who did.
They had an open relationship whenever they were physically apart from each other for university. However, she'd still cheat or flirt with other guys while they were physically together, including trying to cheat on the anniversary of his brothers death. She'd get angry/violent if he ever had sex with other people. When he tried to break up with her she'd get violent to the point of showing up unannounced at his door at 5am or trying to grab knives from the kitchen drawer. These are all stories he has told that are unconfirmed by anyone else, but he seems quite sincere when he tells them. He's told some of them multiple times without details changing or it seeming rehearsed.
Usually when she's brought up, he'll be gushing about how happy he is to be in a relationship that's the opposite to his last, or how in disbelief he is that he let it go on so long. Most recently he came to visit me in my hometown for Christmas (we had a great time and I was so excited to see him) and he told a story of when he travelled for 12 hours to see her and she got angry at him for waking her up and refused to speak to him the rest of the day.
He brought up out of the blue recently that he went to check up on an old nsfw blog she ran, where she'd post pictures/videos of them having sex. He told me he just wanted to see if it was still up, and wasn't sure what to do when he realised it was. He assured me he wasn't looking at it for any other reason besides concern for his own privacy.
Other than all this he's a completely lovely, trusting and caring guy who doesn't let the issues in his old relationship ruin his ability to trust me. On the one or two occasions he's felt paranoid, he's realised it was just anxiety and told me about it openly. He also tells stories like this about past friends/acquaintances.
Sorry for the bible post, but felt I needed to include detailed context. Are these red flags? Or is it normal for someone who just came out of a relationship that bad to wanna talk about it? She has been brought up less and less as time goes on
Sounds like a nice enough date but there wasn't enough of a spark. Did he reply?
Also what happened to >>103187
>>102863 ? Y'all bitches need to report back with updates, we're invested in your lives and want to know that you're thriving.
The only concerning thing is >He brought up out of the blue recently that he went to check up on an old nsfw blog she ran, where she'd post pictures/videos of them having sex.
But give it more time to see if he drops the topic. 4 months is still new enough for those comments to be acceptable. After a year it would be an issue imo.
HE SOUNDS CRAZY. RUN
Holy shit Anon. Hhoollllyy. Crap. Imagine being so invested in an obvious lie? Here was me thinking men were the cynical ones
Your first time they will just ask you basics. They'll ask how long you've been feeling the way you feel, if you have suicidal/homicidal urges, if there's a family history of depression/suicide/bipolar disorder etc., how often you want to meet, so on and so forth. Don't expect to get to the root of things anytime soon, and probably your therapist will not outright diagnosis you with anything. A lot of times they won't say "you have x" because it will just freak you out and it's not necessarily helpful.
You might also see a psychiatrist depending on the situation, for me I see my therapist every other week to talk about things more and then I see a psychiatrist monthly who sees if I still need meds/if my meds are working. It depends on what type of therapist you're seeing as some can't prescribe medication.
If you google "first time at therapy" you will find lots of in depth articles about what to expect.
I have a sandisk and I love it. Great battery life, compact, cheap, decent memory, and can keep my phone somewhere safer and less visible. I also put it through the wash once and it survived just fine.
I frequently get the piss taken out of me by snobs but it's the best choice for me. I recommend!
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Is it a bad idea to give your DNA to companies like AncestryDNA/23andMe? I'm really curious about what results I'd get but everyone tells me it's a bad idea.
uuh, you're going to have to provide sources on that.
you realize that would be more difficult than just sequencing the DNA and reading a chart based on different races DNA, right?
If you subscribe to the idea that they're stockpiling DNA to make a clone army and kill the human race off or have some other malicious intent, or are planning on committing a crime, then yes
If you don't, then do it.
You should NEVER rely on a relationship to fix your self esteem, however it seems you already know everything's going fine. I know it's easier said than done but you just gotta remind yourself that he's there because he wants to be. He may well leave if things don't work out, but in most cases becoming clingy or needy from insecurity and needing constant re-assurance can push a guy away. Just occupy your time with a hobby/work/other friends and activities so you're not overthinking all the time. (It also gives you more to talk about and makes you more fun/interesting to be around.)
source: I was the same when I entered my current relationship. I don't consider myself an anxious person so it took a while to get over those thoughts.
If you really want clicks no matter what:
Mention other (famous) YouTubers or popular topics in the title. Best current example for how well that works is probably Joana Ceddia.
Attention-seeking thumbnails (hot chicks, shocked/disgusted facial expressions, etc) always get way more clicks, too.
I've been in your exact boat anon. All my friends sided with her and basically were like 'oh you and him weren't doing that well anyway' which wasn't true, and how is that any reason to be okay to cheat and defend her too??
It's super shitty but all you can really do is remove yourself from anyone associated with them and make new friends. Anyone who defends her is basically an asshole if they don't understand how bs it is.
You pretty much gotta remove yourself from them, then focus on yourself, your health, your hobbies, whatever it is, to take your mind off it + being better than them. It's not easy, and you'll be angry and hurt for a long time. I had regular nightmares of hurting her the first few years. Let yourself process the anger, it's totally normal and valid, and don't let anyone invalidate your anger, those people aren't worth a second of a thought. Good luck!
Thank you very much anon, I need to give myself time to learn how to do this>>104054
I know this is a reply to another anon but I wanted to add that ironically I'm in that boat too and a group ostracised me over similar circumstances that boiled down to one incredibly manipulative girl who turned the rest against me and spreaded shitty rumors to protect herself because her boyfriend confided that she abuses him emotionally and she found out and decided to convince the other already bitchy girls in the circle that I wanted to break them up and that I was a fake friend, lots of nasty stuff
Some people are so gross.
Anon I'm kinda like you. I hate turning on music that I like or showing my own interests, yes even with art.
The thing with me is and idk if it's the same for you but it's fear of being open. I'm pretty much a closed shell and I don't share anything with anyone. My feelings I see as personal and music can show how you feel as well as some art.
These things are like diaries to me. So I don't share them.
I can relate, anon. I used to be this way more so than now, but I know exactly the feeling. Best advice I can give is that while there’s really no sense in being embarrassed or ashamed of your interests, the best time to share your biggest passions with others is at a time when they are able to comprehend the magnitude of how important the things are to you. Maybe if you want to take someone to an art gallery you should ask them if they have any things they love and then they’re able to connect with you on the same level.
I find that with bands that I’m into or artists I like, when you’re going to a public venue most people there are going to be much less interested than you are. 75% of the crowd is just going because they want something to do or they heard one song they liked on the radio. Those are likely going to be the ones who sing the loudest and know the least about the band. You might run into other groups or individuals who are passionate about the same things but those would be the kinds of people who are easiest to talk to anyway so it’s less nerve wracking.
My rule is that if I feel anxious about something then chances are it’s an intuition that I should keep something to myself until the right time when I’m able to express it to someone in a way they will understand.
Did you ever share something with someone who had a negative reaction to it? Because that would explain it. All my friends and family have teased me for my interests so it just got to the point where I stopped sharing things with people altogether. It used to be things like "Aren't you a little too old/young to like that?" "As if women actually like that. Quick, name three characters or you're just pretending to like it for attention!" "You wouldn't even understand that, it's not for your
generation." "That's not real
rock music." "Wow that's not very ladylike
!" I legit wasn't allowed to have an interest without it being picked apart. It's particularly hurtful when someone you love or someone whose opinion you really respect puts you down like that. I even get anxiety around playing music at parties (so I make playlists full of generic shit I don't even like) or the volume being too loud in my headphones in case anyone on public transport hears my music/the tv show I'm watching.
It's funny because other people blast shitty techno or dubstep or rap on the bus all the time and nobody even bats an eyelid so I'm not sure why I care so much. People in public are infinitely less cruel than family members. I'd say if you had more people in your life who shared your interests and thought they were cool, you'd become more comfortable with sharing them.
i used to be into cringy stuff in middle/early high school and did get made fun of for it (rightly so). when i was like 12, my family and friends used to bring up my interest in anime in front of other people to embarrass me. now that i'm grown up and not into cringy shit i probably still don't want to talk about my interests because i'm afraid of being made fun of. there was also an isolated incident in middle school when my mom pushed me and yelled at me for talking too much about a book i really liked. that stuff has probably resulted in me not wanting to show any interest in anything :/ the message i've learned is that talking about what you like = bothering other people
despite being self aware about how it started, i still feel shame. at least i know i'm not the only person who has felt this. its probably a reason i dont have friends– i dont express interest in anything that people could bond with me over. i'm going to try to remember that i don't get pissed or judge people for their casual interests, so they probably don't feel strongly about mine either. thank you guys
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why don't you ask this on a site where there are more women like you such as weddingbee?
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does anyone ever get the urge to do bad things? i get them quite a lot nowadays and im starting to feel like i might actually do some of it, or at least try. fyi, it's nothing illegal and it doesnt involve hurting animals or children or anything truly horrible, but its definitely a bad thing. how do you deal with these thoughts, feelings and urges? do you know why you or i might get them? have you ever gone through with anything bad you wanted to do, and was it worth it?
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How do I find a female friend who is similar to me aka weird as fuck and socially impaired (or at least introverted) and lives close enough so we can meet irl? My friend has ghosted me and I want to move on instead of missing her. I have AVPD so connecting with people is almost impossible, not to mention the problem with finding fellow female weirdos into writing and artsy shit.
I'm a polanon too, but going for another introverted weirdo girl isn't the best idea, especially if you have AVPD. You should push yourself to make friends with "normal" people in your circles, not to play a wise guy but that's what has helped me tons
. And I used to be so autistic I wouldn't eat because I didn't want to go shop for food.
It's not easy, not that deep probably as it would be with a girl similar to you, but certainly healthier and you can improve, especially socially.
I wish I had cuddly friends. Mine are just ok with brief hugging (my country is pretty uptight)
I just want some wholesome non-sexual human contact damn it.
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Oh, I am so happy to see an anon from Poland reply! Please write to me at email@example.com
(If any other polanons are interested, please consider sending me a message as well)>>104285
Thank you for giving me your perspective while remaining respectful. It is true that I could use a person that would draw me out of my shell, but at the same time, I tried to be friends with 100% normie girls and it left me feeling hollow and like I was wasting time of both of us (or, in case of one borderline normie friend, like she was just using me cause she needed someone to talk to, not that she was interested in me particularly). Maybe the normie relationship would work if I was the kind of person that can speak about my interests from time to time even if the other person does not share them (while they do the same)… but I just do not feel comfortable, even though I like listening about other people's experiences and passions. At the moment, I just want to have the connection and female companionship in my life. tbh any reaching out to other people is good in my case, small steps first…>>104288
You get me, anon. This is pretty much what I am missing, cuddling included. It's so special to connect with someone that is also different in a good way and that you can feel safe with.
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Does anyone know what's this type of shoes called? I'm trying reverse search and it's not working
Warning for dark subject matter regarding childhood trauma/sexual abuse.
Also sorry about the length and that it's kind of all over the place.
My best friend and I were both repeatedly sexually abused by her cousin for about 2 years. We were around 6-8 years old, and he was around 12-14. Later, when I was 14, I was sexually assaulted, and when my best friend was 16, she was molested.
We've been best friends our entire lives, and we've never mentioned the childhood abuse, but we've vaguely talked about our other experiences. We don't often talk about our problems in a serious way to each other because we both have extremely similar issues, and one of those is difficulty opening up to people.
Personally, I repressed my trauma for a long time until I started therapy (DBT specifically) about a year ago. I was 17 when I started, so when I told my therapist about my more recent trauma, she was obligated to call the police. That caused a whole new situation which was re-traumatizing, mainly because the officer who interviewed me didn't believe me. I'm 18 now but I haven't told my therapist about the other abuse because I don't know if she would still have to call the police or not.
As for my best friend, I can tell that she's repressing both traumas. She's terrified of relationships and sex, and has never had a partner or done anything sexual, even though she wants to. Of course there are more reasons why I think she's repressing it, but that's the most relevant. Anyway, recently she's been dating a girl who seems great for her, but she's starting to mention sexual things and my best friend says that she has no idea how to respond to it or how to feel about it. I'm worried for her because I don't want her to do anything she's not comfortable with, and I don't want her to have a panic attack or a flashback or something because of it (that happened to me many times when I was repressing my trauma). I'm also worried that she'll have a breakdown while her, our friends, and I are drinking, because that happened before about something else that she was repressing, and she hates herself for it.
I haven't told anyone about this, and I have no idea how to. I don't know if I should talk to her about it, if I should tell my therapist (or what I would tell her), if I should talk to one of our mutual friends about it, if I should let her deal with it by herself, or something else. I don't even know if I should be so worried/anxious about it or if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Honestly any response would be greatly appreciated even if it's not advice. Thank you if you read this far.
It's one of those things you just kind of learn on the job, I think. I kinda got thrust into it at my last job managing online sales on a few different platforms for a small business that sold stress toys online. It's really basic stuff. Just have to show your enthusiasm to get your foot in the door. I'd recommend maybe starting a small Wordpress (.org site, if you can) and install whatever e-commerce plugin, like shopify, and put up some fake postings for makeup or whatever interests you. Just show you can do it. Or better yet just make a whole fake product and build a site around it?
Idk at this point I'm just throwing out ideas but point being you gotta put in some effort to see results. You can do it!!
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How do I get angry again? I used to have anger issues as a kid, but now I cant get angry anymore? I just get understand why people act like they do, and get sad. I miss getting pissed
Maybe its my depression idk
You sound like you have fatigue. The two things that helped my fatigue the most was getting an air purifier, and ONLY drinking bottled water. I have a very weak, sensitive body too so I need to treat it with extreme care. Eat decent quality fresh-ish food, too, and regularly, and begin to train yourself in your interests. Learn about the job you want to do and practice. A good "in" is seasonal work, so Christmas extras/assistants, but also summer jobs (for example places that sell garden equipment)
Don't go for a heavy labour job as you won't be able to manage it, but you can build up strength the longer you work. Light labour is ok I find and short shifts are perfect if you can get them.