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In my personal experience, very rarely.
Men mostly befriend women thinking they might fuck us. Even if we are in a relationship, we are never fully respected in that sense.
I have three male friends, all of them have made it clear that I am not their type, hence I am not on their "fucklist". I'm fine with that, we have fun chatting, but I will never trust 100% in a man. I did it in the past and I regret it.
Men don't respect women the same way they will respect men. I rarely would trust anyone easily, much less a man.
I’ve had this happen to me too a million and one times. It would happen to my female friends too. I feel like most females have had this occur with them “friendzoning”. I’ve even known male friends that this has occurred to with females only being friends with them to date them or be there boyfriend. And it results in being rejected, and then dropping you and never talking to you again (bc they know they can’t fuck you so no use trying to pretend to be friends anymore) or staying your friend and awkwardly and uncomfortably keep hitting on you and continuously asking you out no matter how many times you say “no”.
I figured out eventually the best way Is, unfortunately, to either be in a serious longish term relationship (bonus points if bf is friends with your male friends, so they’ll be less likely to violate guy code) or to act extremely bro-ish/act like a frat dude around them. It tricks them into seeing you more on par with their guy friends. Even though you have tits, your personality is more like that of a male friend, so in their mind you’re a male friend and therefor unfuckable.
Like acting bro to the point of “what I couldn’t fuck her! Wtf I’m not gay!” dupery
It sucks but it’s suprisingly comfortable after a while. You get to spit in front of them, and say way more vulgar shit. Even if you’re not that kind of girl. It helps to try to be the most alpha, bro, most vulgar out of all the male friends. So not only do they not hit on you, and you can maintain a genuine true friendship w/ no agenda but they also respect your boundaries way more.
That’s the best and most effective advice I have experienced after many years of perfecting. Even to the point of turning creepy homeless/pervert construction works into bitches who don’t want to fuck me.
Was there some certain event or male friend that did this to you? I’m assuming that’s what caused you to make the thread?
What happened if you don’t mind me asking
>>78527>bonus points if bf is friends with your male friends, so they’ll be less likely to violate guy code
My point exactly, men will respect other men but can't respect a woman. Men are trash and I don't even know why I bothered being "one of the guys" in the past, just to be backstabbed, objectified, put in the fuckzone (as I would call, the other side of the friendzone, when the other person just wants to fuck when you want to be friends), not taken seriously, gaslit, used for emotional labour or money, because I thought we were friends I would be paid back, but men just don't give a shit about us and even as "friends" we are just devices for them to use and dump when they don't need us anymore.
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I've calmed down after making the thread, it just hurts to lose someone who I had a lot of history with.
It's not a very interesting story but what basically happened was, this guy had started talking to me a year and a half ago and slowly I began to trust and enjoy his company. However, just today he told me that he thought I was amazing, how much he valued the time we spent together, and then gave me a poem he wrote (was actually really good).
It was all super sweet but I didn't want to date him, what I wanted was a Freind and it killed me to turn him down because I didnt want our relationship to end. >>78528
I think men just don't want to fuck other men. Men don't really have standards as to what they are willing to date, wheras, women do.
Men do have standards otherwise you would see ugly men dating all the time. They won't date their own tier. They have high standards, on the level of bashing someone on the internet for having darker genitals or body hair.
Men don't want to fuck other men, yes, but when a woman says she is a relationship, it's like nothing. Very few will actually respect and take in consideration she is not interested.
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I'm friends with men but it's because i wound up in a prexisting male friend group so nobody feels special and I don't get fuckzoned. Some of them think I'm hot but that's not a crime and I'm so gross and unhinged and neurotic around them that I think it turns everyone off from seeing me in a serious romantic light, I kinda feel like Sweet Dee. One on one male friendships I usually end up getting fuckzoned.
i'm in basically the exact same situation right now, we all even leased an apartment together. it's fun but sometimes frustrating because they don't really get certain parts of the ~~girl experience~~ or whatever. but we're all learning, it's good.
i'm still constantly on my guard around men, even with these guys for a loooooong time, and sometimes i don't feel as safe around some of my friends when they're drunk.
Sure we do those things to look pretty but that doesn't change the fact that we have have higher sexual market value. If you or I wanted a boyfriend it would take seconds,If I want sex I'll get it much easier than a man can. This is basic stuff.
Just because we put more effort into our looks dosnt somehow aide your point that me reject women more often because of high standards. It's always been the other way around, we do the rejecting most often because we find men less attractive on average than men do for women.
Your a women alone with a group of men in an apartment? Why not room with women?
What are the odds they joke about gang banging you, or some other male oriented humour. I wouldn't like it unless one of them was my boyfriend.
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>>78528>the fuckzone>opposite of friendzone
Fucking genius that shit needs to be put in Webster’s dictionary
>used for emotional labor or money
Why the fuck are guys now-a-days using girls constantly for money. Or the girl has a job and fully supports their neet bf?
It used to be the complete opposite. And now I see girls all the time
supporting their shitty bfs and using girls like sugar daddies, or begging for money. In the most manipulative emotional ways. Even other guys are warning girls on social media to never ever tell guys on the internet how much money you have, or what you make, or what job you, family class, anything financial and to fake poor and to just say you’re a broke student or something when they ask. And when the money or labor stops, poof
& they’re onto the next sucker.esp social media personalities, a guy who I talked to for a year who kept saying he cared about me and worried about me, would beg me for PayPal and streaming donations, even when I was in the hospital for surgery, an hour after I lost my job, when I had septicemia with a fever of 104, demanded I walk to western union and send him money for some bs lie, ended up passing out walking there and being ambulanced, with him blowing up my phone pretending he cared while in the same breath asking me to finish the western union “you better hurry anon I don’t have much time!” “Plz just send it and we’ll talk about it later promise” “I swear I’ll pay you back this time I HATE ‘borrowing’ money for a girl it’s soooooo embarrassing” but kept aggressively asking for more, saying I didn’t care if I didn’t, threaten to kill himself, give up his social media, never paid back, in the worst most manipulative way, pretending like he was sooo worried something awfulll had happened when I shut off my phone just to not have to hear him shamelessly beg or have to give him money. I felt so retarded/stupid and ghosted him permanently, he’s still doing it to other girls right as I speak
A youtuber was recently exposed for doing this to a fan with receipts, it was internal cringe in the worst way (it ended when he faked being beaten up by a loanshark saying he needed Money now and it turned out to be his friend and it was all fake) and according to recent statistics women have been growing in number of the gender that most supports their significant other, mainly men. Also “working for free” for boyfriends just to be cheated or dumped.
i agree, but i think the point is that that anon is interested in more with this guy. ideally, i think functional, healthy relationships DO and should come about as a result of friendship, but only if you're obviously both attracted to each other. i don't think relationships are worthwhile without developing a friendship first.
the problem is that these high on themselves loser men cannot cope with rejection and the concept of BOUNDARIES in general, and they assume that we have NOOOO idea what it's like for our male friends to not want to have sex with us. we do, but who cares if they don't want to fuck us, even if we want them? we generally pick up and move on and just value our friendship for what it is: friendship that isn't destined to be anything more than that.
like, the only men that are wanting to fuck ALL of the women they're friendly with are losers. normie men don't want to date all their friends.
however, i can see how it would be difficult to maintain a friendship w someone you're totally head over heels with, if they were very in your face about their sex life/romantic life.
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I had majority male friends growing up and none ever hit on me. I was actually friendzoned myself by one of them, kek.
I would say it's because I was ugly and strange, but I'm currently scrubbed up and healthier (maybe a solid 6 now) and still no one develops feelings for me. I work with mostly men at the moment and no one has ever shown interest. A few male strangers have been nice/nervous in an 'I'm attracted to this girl' way, but no one who I spend time with on the regular likes me that way.
Maybe I just give off bad vibes.
Also, my current best friend is a straight guy (and someone I've been friends with for ages) and I think it works because he's actually fucking emotionally intelligent. Some men aren't that way or weren't socialized to see women as people.
I also agree with what >>78561
said. Sometimes feelings just happen, and the guy didn't go into the friendship thinking 'every hole's a goal.' Sucks.
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I've always had male friends, not because i'm like GIRLS R DRAMA!!!type of person but my interests and type of conversations have always lead me to befriending males more easily than girls, but these days i'm so tired of trying to keep friendships with them
I try joining groups where males are like ''WE H8 ONLINE GIRLS WE'RE NOT ORBITERS'' etc cos even though they're mean sometimes it's like well at least they're not falling inlove with me or some weird shit just bc i talked to them for 2 days but whenever i start talking to any of them privately…it ends up happening
recent case being this guy I really enjoyed talking to, we spent like only 2-4hrs for like 3 days talking and watching a show together then when we finished the show he says he likes me
and now the friendship is ruined bc even though i really do enjoy talking to him i can't see him as romantic interest
It sucks bc i geniunely enjoy a lot of the conversations with males and even if they fell for me i kinda wish they'd like keep it a secret and just be satisfied with having friendship idk why they always have to try and take it to the next level or don't think that it could make both of us uncomfortable if it doesnt end well.
Another case of this happening recently aswell is me hearing about how my friend thought I wanted to date him because I played a few games with him for few days and talked to him often???
sorry for the rant but i'm so tired of this happening i just want friends i enjoy talking to without any weird shit happening but its so hard i've just ended up becoming a loner except for the cutie girls i talk to when theyre not busy tbh
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I used to have mainly guy friends, but I lost all of the current ones due to my asshole ex.
Then I got mainly girl friends and it's so much better. Sure you won't click all the way, but there's an underlying mutual respect among each other and giggling at stuff together is nice. It's made me more proud of my gender, instead of arrogant about it (lol I'm the only girl here, amirite guys) with guy friends.
Used to think guys were easy to be friends with when it's actually the opposite. I just needed to get over my fear of talking to fellow women.
>>78601>That humble brag
I used to try to make friends with males numerous times just because I always felt like I have more common interests with them but I gave up. One thing that particularly annoyed me was how pissy and posessive they'd get whenever I would talk about my boyfriend or other male friends. Males have a hard time looking at girls as anything other than potential partners and I can assure that 99% of farmers' "male best friends" wouldn't hesistate for a second if they had the chance to fuck you.
Really, anons, save yourself the struggle and just find female friends. Not only they are less judging, posessive and annoying but they will also genuinely care about you - something I've never experienced from guys.
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>male-female friendship is a myth
>feels bad man
He has a girlfriend, and before he got together with her he had a hardcore crush/kinda girlfriend. Never showed any interest in me. If he was interested in me he would have had plenty of time to show it, since we have been friends for 3 years now.
If he was even slighty interested in me, he wouldn't have been so genuinely happy when I started dating his best friend. All of my other guy friends got pissy. But not him, because he has no feelings for me.
My fiancé was the same, he had tons of girl friends growing up, as his guy friends were all very surface level and never talked about real shit lol…. also he grew up very close to his sister and I think that can effect a mans ability to have a proper platonic relationship with other females. The girls he was friends with were actually all very similar to his sister, and all very different from me and the other girls he dated.
I do think it’s possiblw to have female-male friendships without wanting to fuck, and they can even survive if one has a crush on the other and gets over it…. it all just depends if they truly value you as a person lol
I had a guy friend who I was super close with and he was into me but he knew I didn’t feel the same at all…. once he got a gf we haven’t spoke (not for lack of trying from my side)
If it wasn’t for it being engrained in peoples heads that you can’t have opposite sex friendships than it’d be less of a big deal when u find out ur bf has a friend who’s a female (and in a relationship herself???)
Just to add: Reviews from exes (unasked for)
-warm, friendly, good company
-intelligent, funny, good company
So it isn't a personality issue per se
>>78627makes a face
those guys seem like shits
I'm wondering if there is some perfect equilibrium between being attractive but them being able/happy to be friends without trying for the sex or dismissing on sexual grounds
Or maybe just growing up together is the thing
I'm so glad about not having to worry if a friend falls in love with me, and I don't need to play video games to fit in either (I don't care about them much).
I also love talking about how men suck over some drinks too.
I had a friend of several years confess to me, I rejected him, he cried and it was awful. Anyway to preempt the inevitable friendship failure I purposefully distanced myself from him, basically stopped hanging out with him full stop and barely speak to him - blatantly ignoring messages, putting the bare minimum into responses, etc. I've been doing this for literally at least a year or two by now, but he still fucking tries to talk to me ALL THE TIME. He occasionally asks me to do awkward inappropriate things (like travel interstate for a concert, or inviting himself to a performance of mine which is obviously just for family and close friends to watch).
I'm sure he's still interested but he would have to be delusional to think I will ever want him, he's a 30 year old virgin nerd and not arrogant so I find it hard to imagine he thinks being persistent will win me over. I wish I got one of the guys who just ditch you because at least then I won't have to keep up awkward semi friendships over text. I don't want to be cruel so maybe one day he'll get the hint from my constant ignoring.
I've vented to some friends about my ex and they always respond with "what an asshole, I
would never do that, anon!"
I've never seen any of my female friends do that shit, I know some of them are just a bit insecure but it's getting a tad annoying.
God, that just sounds really annoying. It's like they want to assert that they'd treat you right, but insert themselves into your issues.
OT but a lot of my acquaintances from tumblr/older times are so, so, so egotistic. You can't tell them anything without an immediate>oh yeah when IIIIII had that > MY experiences with it>this is how IIIIIII felt about it
It's so annoying, it's like they never learned how to conduct a proper, supportive conversation with active listening without making everything about them. It's not supportive at all to tell someone you're not feeling good and they're like "mood" or "lmao me too". It's insensitive.
I don't mesh too well with normal girls (ie, my current gal friends). I'm girly but I don't know much about makeup and gushing over Harry Styles isn't my thing.
Girls that have nerdy hobbies don't mesh well with me either. I'm nerdy but I'm not on that level of nerd.
It took me a long time to realize that you don't have to mesh to enjoy each other's female friendship.
Then instead of a "quick scan", do a full scan of the thread. The original question was "Do you think men and women can be friends?" and here are most of the answers which show a leaning to yes or no:
Leaning no/strongly leaning no:>>78526>>78527>>78528>>78530>>78537>>78565>>78569>>78571>>78579>>78581>>78593>>78597>>78598>>78600>>78602>>78605>>78611>>78621>>78625>>78634>>78635>>78638
Leaning yes/strongly leaning yes:>>78546
(but met before puberty)>>78580>>78594
(but male friend has girlfriend)>>78601
(but has fiance)>>78614
(but does not hang out with men)>>78615
(but met before puberty)>>78619>>78640
Feel free to add anyone I have missed. As it seems, only thee replies are not covered by the short list from >>78675
, which unfortunately makes that list extremely accurate.
This is painfully accurate.
There is no such thing as "friendzone". There is only whiny babies that thought being friends gives you a free pass to someones knickers.
>>78683>>78619>Perhaps if ALL guys have been acting like that to you, maybe you should see how you portray yourself to others.
LOL what. How are you supposed to alter the genetic makeup of a guy's brain? I promise you all of us who only get sexualized by guy friends are not sitting in our panties giggling about how much we love dick at the time.
Concise Anon covered it nicely here: >>78681
anon you listed me as leaning no even though I think it's possible for men and women to be friends ?
in fact, i even said people who have it engrained in their heads that its impossible no matter the situation are a big part of the problem ..
i get everyone will have different opinions due to personal experience etc so there is really no right answer.
some men really do just wanna fuck, and some men really dont. theres no rule or guideline behind it.
if youi dont agree than thats fine but you look silly literally making your own little poll to prove your thinking.
Thanks anon, my bad. If I understood you correctly, from your experience with your fiance and for other reasons, you think that such friendships are possible. And also that someone broke off contact with you (i.e. not friends anymore) after he could not have a sexual relationship with you and moved on to another girlfriend. That puts you in the mixed block, i.e. in neither leaning yes/strongly yes or no/strongly no, which I have not listed.
>if youi dont agree than thats fine but you look silly literally making your own little poll to prove your thinking.
It might look silly, and that is indeed true, but the previous anon said that "only the first few say they have issues", which is clearly not the case. What is the best way to disprove something like that? It might look silly, but sometimes it is effective; I don't care if I am called autistic by other anons. Also, only by aggregating data and transcending from individual anecdotal stories one gets a broader picture. >>78692
No, I am trying to be honest and I am not trying to twist those posts to get my point.
My point is: I have provided a list of three criteria for determining if someone wants to put you in his "fuckzone", as someone else creatively phrased it in this thread. All parentheses in the second block show the application of these three criteria; plus there is one person who does not hang out with men (i.e. one does not even get to apply these criteria, as there is no one to apply these criteria on!).
So what of this could be called twisting in order to prove a point? It is a correct application of the previously laid out criteria.
And as you can see, only three replies do not fulfill any of the three criteria but still are leaning yes/strongly leaning yes. As explained in the beginning of this reply, if we take that one reply out, we still have 30 entries.
That is 3/30, or 10%.
I would say these three rules hold up pretty well, because – like it or not – it seems that the data does support it and the data does not care how one feels about it.
>and you also ignored 3 or 4 posts that expressed it without anything you could explain away.
Could you please elaborate or cite the post numbers? I did not post any mixed replies, as they are not leaning yes or no, as described in the original post. If I missed one, please reply.
Thank you for your kind input.
Alright, I'm going to assume you're incapable of reading comprehension or basic empathy and explain this for you. Don't worry, I'll use small words.
The only people in this situation who are entitled are the men who assume female friendship should lead to sex/a relationship, and then abandon their supposed "friend" like she's nothing when she won't fuck them. Women being upset that someone they assumed was their friend abandoning them over something as asinine as sex isn't entitlement, it's a real sense of betrayl. Putting your trust and platonic love into another person only to have the rug pulled out from under you with a "jk lol" is a shitty feeling. For some (not for myself, personally, as I can get over people with relative ease) this feeling lasts a very long time and can make it difficult to form new friendships/trust males.
If you want to complain about how women use men or whatever in a similar fashion, go literally anywhere else on the internet. This is a thread for the majority of women who have been tricked and hurt by this shitty, child-like behavior from men.
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So easy :3(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Actually, men have higher standards than women while women tend to be more realistic, though they judge appearance, etc. harsher than men. It's an interesting study by OkCupid, I'll have to find the link. >>78619
Funny, I'm in a male dominated major and and I am completely alone because every friendship or fuck, even acquaintanceship with a male ends up with it being awkward because they want me. Some have responded like psychos, some have responded respectfully, but at the end of the day, I'm alone. Eh. The few girls in my STEM major tend to be very masculine and don't like to talk to other girls, it seems. I come off as very feminine and when I've said I have certain "nerdy" interests (that tbh are mainstream) people don't believe me. >>78728
lmao, no one is saying they are ENTITLED to a friendship with a man. They're just saying it sucks that you care about a person in a certain way and then it turns out a person was only interested in you for one thing.
What really sucks is that telling some guy you just met "btw I'm not looking for a relationship" is considered pretentious of you, but if you turn down a guy and you've talked like, maybe 3 times, you're an asshole who leads him on.
What's also crazy to me is that even if you say you're with someone and even if you're lesbian (I've been in both cases), a lot of guys won't even care.
In my experience absolutely not. Most of my close friends are males, and of those males most of them are in long term relationships. I find the idea of moving from friend->lover super disturbing because friendship is based on the safety of assuming neither of you have ulterior motives, especially (straight) male-female friendships. I can accept that some healthy relationships start from this but I can't imagine it for myself. Almost everyone I've dated I've met and shortly after established that I was interested in dating, there was no long period of platonic "friendship", the motives and attraction were made clear from the start. This is why I prefer online dating, everyone is very clear about their objective. My partner and I made very clear on the first date how many kids we want, how soon we want to by a house etc because why waste time? I've only had one male friend ever "confess his love for me" and I reacted extremely angry and disappointed. He's one of my closest friends, had been for years up until that point, and he should have fucking KNEW BETTER than to lay that bullshit on me. I accept that he's just socially retarded and thought the right thing to do was tell me even though he knew I would never date him, but it was so inappropriate and unnecessary. Hollywood needs to stop romanticizing that situation, it's so cringe.
lol as if that's exclusive to incels and girls who say they're girls on any chanboard don't get immediately called attention whores and GOTIS.
anyway i don't disagree that it's not that big a deal in this type of thread, but it's the rule.
It's the same level as annoying as when a girl on 4chan is like "btw girl here~". I understand why sometimes people feel it's prudent to mention it, but it's just unnecessary.
Also, no one uses chad/stacey here seriously. We're not in the habit of redpilling.
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Sounds like you don't care about the correct ones.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
>>78551>have higher sexual market value.
Lauren Southern, that you?
>a boyfriend would take seconds, sex is easy to get
Oh, nope, just a robot.
Hey robot, you could increase your "sexual market value" too if you'd settle for fatties, autistics, and uggos too. Just like how women drop their standards if they want a quick bf and shit sex.
You're really not helping the case for your own gender here, sir.
It's definitely possible… I'm learning that you just have to be careful and pay attention to any red flags that they might be interested in you. Like, if they start calling me cute, they're out.
I lost two guy friends last week, people I've known for almost a decade… It sucked. But looking back, I can see the signs of their fuckboiishness. I think what it comes down to, is that men are okay, but fuckbois have no self control and will fuck you over for a quick hump.
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I agree. I think personality/morals and who the guy is does
factor into a guy genuinely being your friend and guy only pretending to be your “friend” to fuck you.
You have factors that lower the fuckzone:
1) long term relationship/engaged/married
2) short term bf, if they’re friends w/ your guy friend(s)
3) masculine girl/act like “on of da guize”/bro-talk
4) knowing the male as a young child
5) the male having a gf (bonus points: longterm) (extra if you’re friends with her)
7) being in a close “group” of male friends (being the Dee in its always sunny) as opposed to one-on-one
8) having a brother/sister relationship
9) father/daughter type relationship only works if they’re an older godfather type
10) mother/son type only works if you are older than male (bonus: you aren’t his only female friend)
11) the male friend has several other female friends/experience with female friends
12) you’re ugly
13) casual friendship as opposed to serious
14) longtime coworkers
15) male is anti-orbiter/emotionally intelligent
16) roommate with group of close guy friends/with all male band-mates (instead of you and 1 other guy)
17) Long term platonic pen pal/internet friend
18) Pre-existing family friend/siblings friend
19) Drug user/drug dealer/criminal male friends (bonus: long term associates, strictly business-type, or combo of 1-18, not creepy)
20) single straight male, attractive, your age, who is a combo of above, who treats other girls with respect, and wants a genuine friendship (RARE unicorn)
21) didn’t meet them on social media/know them for short period
I would think of more but I’m really tired. There is always the rare exception for the rule, which is the reason for #21
Anyone have any others to add? Or what NOT to do (red flags)/things that increase the fuckzone?
>fuckzone, fuckzone, FUCKZONE
god I love that word, compliments to the anon who made that.
*There is always the rare exception for the rule, which is the reason for #20
Sage 4 typo
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>be in online group
>one of the few girls
>have few guys talk to me, we play video games, sometimes in groups
>some guys end up coming to me for advice, just to talk
>soon few start gaining feelings for me
I don't know what I did, I wanted to be a good friend. I wish things were back to normal… because this is all so overwhelming. I just wanted camaraderie.
said. i'm also pretty sure you are a big ol dude yourself :^)
-The guy who pretends to be your friend for years, so supportive and platonic, and the whole time they're waiting for you to let your guard down, just so they can touch your butt.
-The guy who you traveled cross country with years ago, who has a girlfriend, sending you dick pics out of nowhere and expecting you to be down to 'DtF'.
-The friend who listens to all your problems, and claims 'they're attracted to you but our friendship is so strong that it's more important', who suddenly isn't a friend when you get a boyfriend, and breaks down crying at the mention of other men.
-The friend who talks about hooking up with women, but if you mention that you hooked up with someone who isn't him, he gets offended and leaves in a huff.
It's just a pattern.
NTA but why are you being a cunt to someone because their experience is different? The thread is to share experiences, yet you seem so fucking triggered
>>78919>even though I am convinced that any girl would go through scenario #1 granted she finds the guy she is talking with attractive
women still tend to view people who are attractive to them as people. more women don't sperg out on men who reject them, because they recognize they can't control men, whereas men feel entitled to get a date. they objectify girls way more than the opposite. >>78936
except it mainly happens to me with normies or incognito normies at the very least
>>78977>women still tend to view people who are attractive to them as people.
Yes. Exactly. The same cannot always be said the other way around.
I think the stealth element of pretending to be your friend for potential lay; or even being a friend for years and then suddenly sending a dick pic, the point is it's all disappointing when you WANT to think well of men. This is not man-hating.
It's I can't believe you pretended to be my friend/you went that far- all for the chance of sex?
(ref this post: >>78933
Women just can't relate to that and it's also a bit worrisome in the suggestion of "tricking" you into it. There's a lot to it. idk. All I know is it isn't humblebragging and is not nice to experience
the main issue you seem to miss is that these people probably aren't just pretending, feelings don't happen immediately, and anyone who's gotten feels for their male friends should realize that. some people might not have bad intentions. you also seem to forget that men are taught specific things, like what women are too. like >>79014
said, men are taught
this, just as we're taught that rejection is out fault. many of you guys seem to assume that men should be smarter than they're taught, while also admitting we're taught shit as well that we should know better than to think.
i think the issues are more a matter of how the two genders are taught to act towards eachother, and only when people can break that mold does it work, but most people, men and women are chained to their expectations, and faulting one or the other is stupid…
>>79019>feelings don't happen immediately
My male work colleague (attractive with a girlfriend) "All men imagine what it'd be like fucking every new girl they meet"
fucking is not feelings. The mistake people make is "*woman feels/thinks ~thing~ so man feels/thinks the same*". Not a great assumption to make, and always disproven at some point. Men and women are different and we shouldn't hold them to the same standards, or project behaviors onto them that aren't there (e.g conflating feelings with fucking)
It's biology and psychology. Not just "nurture". I guarantee some boy who was raised in a cult, or lived in a hut in the woods til adulthood, would end up reverting to typical male behavior. Just because of how he is programmed by testosterone and sex drive. Maybe the friendships are real - the problem is the readiness to set those friendships aflame in a pyre for the chance of some sex.
> "All men imagine what it'd be like fucking every new girl they meet"
that's the stupidest shit I've ever read. Not every woman is attractive to every man. Or are you suggesting men want to bang women who remind them of their sister? Or their mom? Or someone ugly or obese? Besides how exhausting that would be considering people meet new people every day, that doesn't even make sense.
It's biology for men to want to reproduce with attractive women, not for them to visualize sex with every woman.
I mean the incest and bbw categories in porn prove your first paragraph wrong…actually this guy would also joke about wanting to bang my mom (who he'd never seen) so
I think it's fun for them. More virile men (aka this guy who most of lolcow would think was hot) are probably thinking about it a little more often than a homebody. But I don't doubt it happens.
Remember the "spread the seed" thing, given the opportunity men would sleep with any woman who would take him. I don't know of anyone remembers Russel Brand, but he has said he's slept with 1000 women. A few of them appeared on a documentary to talk about it and were like 3-4/10s even though I've seen RB in real life and he's very handsome.*
a sex addict (reformed) but is a good example of the extremes that are possible.
*I am not one of the 1000
Another good example is Screamin Jay Hawkins who is said to have fathered 57 children. He seemed to barely age in decades so…virile man category. http://www.rockabilly.net/articles/sjhawkins5.shtml
Going off topic a bit but just making the point that given the chance, a virile man will take it, and it's doubtful every one of them will be a babe
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>Remember the "spread the seed" thing, given the opportunity men would sleep with any woman who would take him.
No. This just isn't true at all. Go get some male friends and talk to them like human beings, not bizarre sex robots.
>Russel Brand… he's very handsome
I don't trust your taste in men at all now. I doubt your coworker is even attractive at this point.
And just because some people are into fat chicks or incest doesn't mean its every guy. That's insane.
He's sexy irl, how'd you think he got all the chix? I saw him in maybe 2008 so I can't speak for now but animal attraction/magnetism is a thing. There's a singer I like who everyone admits is sexy in person but not in photos.
Coworker was muscly and tall with a nice face. Was a good day when I accidentally walked in on him topless in the unisex toilets where we got changed into our uniforms
>>78977>women still tend to view people who are attractive to them as people. more women don't sperg out on men who reject them, because they recognize they can't control men, whereas men feel entitled to get a date. they objectify girls way more than the opposite.
I agree with this, not just because of my own experiences but because I see that pattern repeated when I hear about other women's experiences as well. Not that there aren't or can't be women who sperg out about being rejected, before anyone comes at my throat for not specifying that.
This happened to me awhile back:>become acquainted with a new friend group>quickly develop a 1 on 1 friendship with this guy>he's very supportive>develop romantic interest in him>confess my feelings to him>he doesn't feel the same way, politely turns me down>inevitably feel hurt, but respect his wishes
It was like ripping off a band-aid, I quickly got over it after that. In hindsight our friendship wasn't really ever the same after that, but I have an aloof personality and sometimes I don't realize I'm distancing myself before it's too late. I understand how that may come across badly. If he came back into my life today I wouldn't have any qualms about resuming a friendship with him though. I never held anything against him.
Now then there was this:
>a couple months later in same friend group>start getting closer to a different guy>he shows interest in me>I'm hesitant, but I go along with it because I like him too>things quickly develop between us>he tells me that he isn't interested in anything "serious" though>again, hurt but I respect his wishes>kindly ask that we keep our relationship platonic henceforth>he keeps making awkward passes at me>keep turning him down>he acts really hostile towards me for that
I was pissed off for a long time and it took me awhile to realize why. My humanity was completely disregarded in that scenario in which I couldn't even be granted the same amount of courteousy I initially put forth. To this day he probably thinks I'm some type of evil witch seductress for rejecting him.>inb4 hurr it's your fault for talking to neckbeards
He's a very intelligent and mature person other than that. People aren't black and white, a lot of men just can't properly deal with rejection with due respect for the other person as a human being.
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>>79041>And just because some people are into fat chicks or incest doesn't mean its every guy. That's insane.
Not every guy, no, but also not a laughable concept…https://gizmodo.com/what-kind-of-porn-is-most-popular-in-every-state-1761551304
>>79047>women still tend to view people who are attractive to them as people>My humanity was completely disregarded>a lot of men just can't properly deal with rejection with due respect for the other person as a human being.
I find these statements deeply ironic since they are said in a thread where men are routinely dehumanized into a mass of walking erections with little to no individuality.
For instance in your first case the breaking of the friendship is because of your personal faults and in the second one because "a lot of men just can't properly deal with rejection".
>>79056>For instance in your first case the breaking of the friendship is because of your personal faults and in the second one because "a lot of men just can't properly deal with rejection".
Yeah, because there's a stark difference in behavior? Like, I said he acted very hostile towards me when I stuck to my guns about what the both of us
agreed would be best in the long run. How is that not taking rejection badly? He had the nerve to act like a hissy little bitch about it when I put in the effort to be understanding of his position, which I did in the first example as well. I don't hold any ill will over being rejected, but many men can't bring themselves to do the same. It's not "dehumanizing" it's simply making an observation.
Maybe I was unclear but what happened is pretty irrelevant to the point I was trying to make. I meant that the way you come across is that if anything wrong happened in the first case it was because of your personal faults and not because of your membership in a huge and extremely diverse group X. In the second case you do not attribute the issues to the guy's personality but to his membership in the huge and extremely diverse group Y.
It is the same kind of thinking you sometimes see in /pol/ discussions about crime: criminal act by a white guy happened because the person in question made a bad judgement personally, criminal act by a black guy happened because he is a "nigger".
>>79061>if anything wrong happened in the first case it was because of your personal faults and not because of your membership in a huge and extremely diverse group X.
Nothing wrong happened after that, things just got awkward and petered out from there.>In the second case you do not attribute the issues to the guy's personality but to his membership in the huge and extremely diverse group Y.
Maybe because that wasn't even close to being the first time I've had to deal with some petty little fuckboy who huffed at me because he heard the word "no." Maybe because many other women have multuple experiences which are some variation of that.
If that's such a problem men should start flipping the script because there's nothing "hugely and extremely diverse" about how they tend to behave. Just more of the same ol' shit.
anon, people are literally saying that a few posts above. and i'm sure the idiot sperging about that is the same one claiming robots and handmaidens. >>79020
is where she really starts. and as far as debate, the topic of the thread is literally do you think men and women can be friends. it's not just about experiences, but people who claim they can and who are trying to have discussion keep getting dogpiled by man-hate shit.
I'm actually going to agree with >>79118
. The anon trying to talk about the "psychology of men" and saying they are hardwired a certain way was super embarrassing. And I also think that much of the thread was trying to ignore or shut down anons saying they have male friends who don't want to fuck them. Many replies are telling them that the men actually do
want to fuck them and are pretending. That feels pretty invalidating and disrespectful to anons who have had good luck with those friendships. I think the "hurdur don't be friends with neckbeards" argument is stupid as well, but I see much more of the replies having to do with positive experiences around men being shat on, which just makes the whole thread seem like a thinly veiled man-hate thread, which obviously isn't OP's intention. I just don't get why people seem so triggered
over people having differing experiences, good or bad.
ffs it's not about seeing differing opinions, it's shit like >>78597
response and then >>78602
bitching about humblebrag. if you think that everyone ITT is just sharing experiences and being cordial you clearly didn't read the thread. most of the 'i have male friends' stuff has that kind of shit response, or people trying to justify it away with "it's cause he has a gf" or "cause you had a bf", when the same people will claim that men don't care about loyalty at all.
lol no it wasn't. the first fucking post was ALL MEN WANT TO FUCK ALL WOMEN. like i said already. it wasn't until after those kinds of anons were ITT that the "not all men" people were here. and many of them were robots. also, i personally think it's fine to tell people that not all men are like x in this kind of thread. obviously blaming someone for someone else's feelings is shitty though. i just am starting to think that many anons on this board and /ot/ want to cultivate this man-hate thing as of late. i know we've always had misandry threads and the like on /ot/ but when anons are going into unrelated threads bitching about how 'all men are pedos' or 'men are never satisfied by a woman's looks' when it's not related to relevant, it's cringy.
and listen, i'm not trying to say anyone's experience is wrong, and i've had shitty experiences too, but there's a real level of toxicity that comes with some of these anons that makes me wonder if they're trolls.
Is your argument "this thread isn't going the way I want" or?
No one here is man-hating. We have male friends (or tried, see OP) or have boyfriends. We want healthy fulfilling relationships with men. We like men.
Not every opinion you read or hear will align with your own. Dismissing all alternate opinions as "hate" is borderline SJW behavior.
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Can you handle the truth?(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Oh, I love this post so much. And by love I mean it infuriates me with it's idiocy. The way it's parroted and spread around and lauded by men as the epitome of truth and accuracy is hilarious.
So this guy has niche social retard hobbies and the women he meets at parties don't conveniently share his obscure interests. He only has one friend who does, from the sounds of it, and they are just skype friends. He makes no mention of whether or not men at parties know anything about Boba Fett and Speed Force, he just wants to go home and talk to his singular friend about it. How in the actual fuck does this lead him to concluding that WOMEN are the boring ones? Not the guy who goes to a party expecting women there to want to talk about his niche hobbies, even though he apparently can't find more than one friend outside parties to discuss them with? The guy who can't even fathom being entertained by anything else? The guy with so little social tact that he doesn't understand parties are more for superficial discussion than delving deep into hobbies unless you really click with someone, and there's a very high chance that women are holding back from talking about their niche interests there too since they don't generate good conversation with strangers? Nerds can be so arrogant and delusional, not even normie guys judge women at parties for this shit.
You captured everything that was wrong with that post very eloquently.
Reasons why he can't find nerdy women:
-They don't go to the kind of parties he is going to
-They are avoiding niche conversation at said parties
-They are pretending not to like this stuff so he leaves them alone
Star Wars is not
a niche interest anyway, so it sounds like a 4Chan Anon problem and not a woman problem
I can relate to this. Occasionally I'll find myself at a normie enough party/gathering and maybe I want to talk about my niche interests, but there's no one ever there who would truly appreciate them. Sure, I play some type of video games, but guys take that to mean you play their
type of video games. I have nothing to say in a group talking about Overwatch or the latest FPS or whatever else.
He sounds like he wants to be able to spout racist memes at a party and get laid for it.
>>79162>he thinks the fact that normies normieing in a normie party is proof that all women are boring
Whew.>>79179>I play some type of video games, but guys take that to mean you play their type of video games
This. It's annoying as fuck when a random filthy casual who plays nothing but FPS and male power fantasy games tells you you're "a fake gumur gurl" because you don't share his taste. I mostly avoid this topic altogether because it's rarely worth it to bring it up.
>>79173>So this guy has niche social retard hobbies and the women he meets at parties don't conveniently share his obscure interests.
The best part about that is his interests aren't even obscure. >Boba Fett
Star Wars is one of the most popular movies in modern film history, and nerds are still out here acting smug as if almost everyone else hasn't already seen it either. I get more surprised looks when I say that I have no interest in the franchise than I meet people who haven't had anything to do with it at all.
It seems he does not even want to go to parties.
Someone should tell him about Tinder and OKCupid, perhaps that's better suited for his purposes. A party is the wrong location for him.
Well, that was an embarrassing read.
I'm going to have to agree with the others who have found a lot of this thread to be on the more extreme side of things as far as reactions to shitty behaviour go, though, barring a few posts that have already been pointed out, I wouldn't go as far to say that all this is just a load of thinly veiled man-hate. It's more just venting with blinders on in full force.
To quickly clear up my position on the matter, I believe whole-heartedly that men and women can be friends.
In a bit more depth, I only have three female friends and about fifteen male friends– some of these men I've known since we were literally babies, some of them I befriended in the middle years of high school, some of them recent uni friends. Pretty much all of them are single, and two of them have asked me out (one a long time best friend, the other a guy I'd chatted a bit to at uni but otherwise barely knew at the time). I respectfully rejected both of them, and I'm still besties with the former and friendly with the latter. I hope I haven't gone overboard here, but it seems people are having a bit of trouble with clarity here anyway so I didn't want to risk it.
And while I've had no bad experiences with the men I care about (random idiots is another story entirely), I'm also not stupid enough to think there aren't any bad eggs out there. That'd just be naïve, and the same goes for other women– no one is angelic or irredeemable purely because of their sex. Like, c'mon, that's how little kids think.
Lastly, to dismiss any blame for being on your part will only lead to the whole process repeating itself– cut those assholes out of your life, but also reflect on how they may have come to their conclusions. Depending on the type of guy and his experiences he's going to interpret cues from your behaviour, so if you work out what those are you can better avoid the same outcome with the next similar guy you try to befriend. Like, as an exaggerated example if you're getting chummy with an awkward mega nerd who has had limited interaction with women at all, let alone platonically, be prepared for him to take the friendly interest you show him by merely speaking to him as being an indicator of romantic or sexual interest. Like think of how a shitty romance protagonist will be left swooning because an attractive dude said 'hello' in her direction. (not basing this off of anything other than talking to my male friends about their awkward and regrettable experiences with falling hard for the first girl to give them the time of day, so feel free to take with whatever quantity of salt you require)
tl;dr men and women can absolutely have great friendships, but there will always be idiots who aren't worth your time, and sometimes if something keeps happening repeatedly maybe some introspection might be required.
>>79368>Well, that was an embarrassing read.
whew lad, same could be said here.
ditch your condescending tone if you want to be helpful. hmmm, it's almost like:>some introspection might be required.
NTAYRT, but lol girls say the same shit to guys how they should be more self-aware about their actions and it's totally fine. BUT when girls say the same thing to other girls, it's like we insulted your mom. Jesus.
Have you never heard of the saying
"If everyone in your life is an asshole, you're probably the asshole"? I feel like it's very fitting to many of the bitter posters here. It's not condescension if there's a grain of truth.
Sorry about that, didn't mean to come across as condescending, just wanted to add my two cents, will work on that in the future.
But aside from criticising my tone and delivery, do you have anything else to add? Not a lot to work with here.
Yeah I disagree with 15-male friends Anon's "maybe its ur fault" stuff, however I'm glad that she is able to have many male friends without them sticking their dick in you, which seems to be the result as soon as I am alone with any single, unrelated male. You're a lucky chick.
Or are we missing something and the trick is never to be alone with a guy?
15-male-friends-anon again, and I just want to quickly clear up that I didn't mean "maybe it's your fault", just that if you find the situation repeating itself across multiple guys, maybe it's a good idea to have a look at not only their behaviour but also your own, and not that their behaviour is your responsibility. And if anyone does try to blame you for their poor behaviour, they're a fucking asshole and you should drop them. So sorry if that point came across poorly.
And sorry to hear about your experience with guys, I hope you can find one who isn't talking to you just because he's got the hots for you.
As for the 'never be alone with a guy' thing, I can't say that's true from my experience, ha– I've slept in a room with 3 of my male friends for over a week without issue, stayed over at their houses, had them stay at mine, and split beds and sofas with them without any problems (and I by no means think that any of that's typical or that anyone else is doing something wrong if that all sounded like things they'd never feel comfortable with, that's just how my friend-group (specifically close friends btw) is with each other).
Idk, maybe talking about the types of guys we all try to befriend might be helpful? Some seem more prone to the 'relationship-zone'/'fuck-zone' behaviour than others
But is that not what it would come off as if it suddenly clicks for the guy but not the girl?
I wouldn't be surprised if that situation is what half of the people in this thread are so bitter about.
>calls us retards right off the bat>then expects us to read the rest of his post and respond too
the absolute state of males>>79494
Do not engage the scrotoid
Yes, kind of.
I have a lot of male friends who I have common interests like music, nightlife ect or common friends. I might invite to go with me to a concert or museum or something but I would never invite them to come chill at my house, alone except for 2 really close friends I know well.
Most guys don't really need friendship as much as women do. Look at the adult men who know and you'll realize like 75% of their friends are people they work with or are professionally connected with in some way. Hence, they don't feel the need to spend quality alone time with their friends.
>>78675>he has a serious girlfriend when you first met
I met a guy in my Japanese classes that had a pic of him and his gf on his profile. Two months later he broke up with her and began to act weird and then finally confessed. I'm sure he dumped his gf to try to make a pass on me.
>you met him before hitting puberty
One of my childhood friends always manages to hit on me every single time we see each other, even when we're in the presence of my brother. He started touching my leg once and my brother just stared at him like he was gonna murder someone.
that's a really tough one, I guess the best way would be to look at how he approached you in the first place? This wouldn't be a surefire way to tell but if he took a lot of initiative in approaching you then he probably was initially attracted to you, if you met him by circumstance then it's probably different, guys make friends more by coincidence and not intentionally.
Also how fast he says he catches feelings, I don't think a guy is going to put several months worth of effort into maintaining a false friendship just to try to get laid, there's much more low effort ways of going about that.
Well, funny because I have always believed in female-male friendships, but now when I look back… almost every guyfriend of mine made a move on me. And now I don't have any guyfriends, so yeah, every friendship died after a move/confession. And many boys just turned their backs on me because of idk solidarity with their rejected friends. I very vividly remember when I was about 16 and my friend awkwardly told me that the guy I rejected is now partying and drinking and he hinted it's my fault? But he was so hesitant and uncomfortable, I don't know if he really believed I'm to blame. Didn't stop him for alienating me later though.
I liked having male friends, I don't want to say shit like WaMen aRe CaTtY or I'm one of the boys, but it's no secret it's easier to find geek/nerd guys than girls, and my sense of humour is quite brutal… I love my girlfriends but I sometimes have to hold back with them.
But eh I never had to consciously make friends with guys because we all knew each other since forever, but now when they're gone it's impossible for me, I'm too shy and awkward. I noticed guys are super uncomfortable around shy girls and would rather pretend they don't exist. When, for example, I'm talking with a group of uni people before classes, guys wouldn't even look at me, let alone speak to. I know I shouldn't care, but it hurts, feels like I'm… I don't know, impaired, abnormal. But yeah it's a topic that belongs in the Vent thread, because people in general make me feel like shit because they don't know how to handle shy reserved individuals
At least one of my very close friends is a gay man, so I have someone to dump game memes on and be mean to
>>81721>I think you guys need to try being more respectable and interesting people
>"You're just sluts that's why guys put the moves on!!!"
So many self-proclaimed nerd girls like, IDK the girl >>81713
one post up from yours who is obviously respectable and interesting but still had every guy friend make a move
Like what part of shy nerd girl
screams boring slut to you?
So you're implying you haven't had any problems with male friends developing feelings for you
because you have personality (unlike us) and do noteworthy (what) stuff? Hold on girls, we have a "cool grrl" over here.
We're just not interesting enough to be friends with guys, you see. What a bummer.
If you've learned anything from reading this thread, you should stay friends with her. You enjoy her company up to now without (sex innuendo) so nothing has changed. You will miss her company if you just drop it. It's hard but it's better to keep people you like around
if at all possible
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>>81764>if you think you can somehow un-fall in love with her then that would be the best lol
The fact that I've been trying to for 5 months and 5 days strongly suggests that I cannot. I have yet to vent with someone about this because everyone I could turn to is either male or her friend as well. I warn you, this is going to be a hard read. Probably. I have lost all sense.
I honestly just really tried hard to forget her for the first month: reduced my social media intake from very low to zero, stopped listening to that tune that makes me think of her somehow, spent even more time working out and getting my shit together and not seeing her at all. And then I saw her in person and I was fucked.
When I confessed (after a year of me not making a move because I couldn't read her, she got interested in some guy and I just said fuck it I give up but I'm not going down without telling her how I feel) she said something along the lines of "I really don't want this to get in the way of our group, which I really value" and I said "yup, I promise it won't", which meant I could not skip her graduation ceremony which was the first event in a month that would call for a get-together. I was super anxious and putting a lot of effort into looking my best for her so in retrospect I believe I had already lost way before I even saw her again. This unrequited-love-that-won't-go-away got to my mind and I didn't approach her or even greeted her at all during the whole night, not even afterwards when we were eating at the same table. Despite this embarrassing display of immaturity, during all following "inevitable" get-togethers (which I started desperately looking forward to) she's been quite smiley and interactive around me. I don't directly talk to her but she does to me. When I went back to using Instagram, she was the very first person to see my story. She even publicly sips drinks from my straw like there had never been any tension between us at all. And I don't know how to respond to that.>>81769
I understand that acting all weird and silent around her has to stop, but do I just stop it abruptly after 4 months of not looking at her gorgeous face, like nothing happened? Or do I try to explain to her that I was panicked/immature/confused/resentful/respecting her/clueless/slightly angry at her/very angry at myself?
Sorry, thought I had time to correct something but I wasn't that fast.
If that's correct I better just follow her lead and hope she understands…
You are super feeling sorry for yourself, but remember most girls have guys consistently offer themselves to them (even strangers, if you're outdoors/any place for long enough you will get chatted up by strangers guaranteed)
She's not concerned with the fact you shot your shot and has likely mostly forgotten about it. If you enjoy her company as much as you say you do, keep enjoying it. I promise the embarrassment is 100% your side and she doesn't think anything about it.
I have been hurt really badly by guys who I naively thought were good friends. I have an outgoing personality so make friends pretty easy inc female friends, but that does not lessen the blow when I discovered ( on a repeat basis) guys that I was friends with and enjoyed spending time with and telling personal details with, were all just hanging around me, not because of my personality or any traits to do with my character, they were there just hoping I would sleep with them. One guy in particular I met him in my ceramics/pottery class, he was near 60, I was 18, he was very avuncular and just kind and pleasant to me. This dude after a year of us being friends, tried it on with me when I was drunk with the booze he bought for me. I feel so damn stupid! looking back I may have been an adult but he was trying to groom me. I trusted him enough to go to his house, the first time I drunk over his place was fine, the second time, he must have put more booze in, as I passed out and I only come aroung when I felt his hands down my pants/knickers. and my bra was messed up so while I was passed out drunk this old mother fucker took advantage. When I look back, I think all the signs were there why didnt I see it. So that guy made me distrustful of men, then I decided I was too distrustful, so I started letting myself make friends with males again, none of them sexually assaulted me, but some of them did try and get me drunk or sleep with them when I was feeling vunerable. i am older and wiser now, but I just wish I had that foresight when I was young. Sorry for blog post this is the first time I spoke about that man and what he did to me.
You're all right about those situations being wrong but I think you have the wrong impression of the situation when it comes to rejecting relationship proposals from friends (not plain sex mind you) most of those guys were not 'pretending' anything, they didn't have some evil masterplan to make you spread your legs, they really were your friends, they genuinely liked you, they enjoyed spending time with you and that's why they developed feelings for you.
A mature man would get over it and continue being your friend but that's not the case for an insecure and immature man because for them it is extremely painful to continue being around someone they can't love they way they want, things are not as cold as you think they are, most of them didn't think "oh I can't put my dick inside her, useless hoe bye" they mostly likely thought "I can't be with the woman I've been in love with for months/years, I've been fantasizing for so long about her loving me, going on dates, kissing, having sex, maybe marrying, it hurts to talk to with her, it hurts to be around her" so they decide to leave instead of being in pain every time you wanna talk about your lame anime shit.
It is your job as a woman to make sure a man doesn't develop those kind of feelings for you very early in your friendship, of course in an ideal world you wouldn't have to go around worrying about the cool guy you're friends with suddenly going psycho because you rejected him after being friends for like 2 years or something like that.
I am ashamed to say I did stop talking to friends after being rejected long time ago but I was also able to be very very good friends with girls who made sure I never thought of them as potential girlfriends and that their vaginas were shut down for me, it can be awkward but just go ahead and say it, believe me it really works, I once met this girl while smoking outside my house who approached me to ask for a light, I looked like shit so I didn't try flirting or anything just random chitchat that developed into finding we had many things in common, she was really cool, she was pretty and my heart did start tingling, I think my face was showing it because she suddenly put her finger on my face and very strongly said "I have a boyfriend but I like making friends" it felt weird but I think it hardwired my brain into not looking at her as a potential partner at all, we continued being very good friends for couple of years, in my eyes she almost turned into a sister. Another time I met this girl online who was extremely perverted, she loved sharing and getting porn, I was going crazy with meeting a girl who was so pervy and talked about sex so much, we lived close by so I did try to insinuate a meeting once and I don't even remember exactly what she said but she was very strong and made me feel like she would cut off my dick if I ever tried anything with her, she liked chatting with me and my taste in porn nothing more and again I completely stopped thinking about her as potential partner, we are still friends to this day, she got over her nymphomania so no more porn but she's a cool person and like to chat with her about random stuff.
So in short, slap a man's dick and heart almost as soon as you meet him to make sure he doesn't do any of this shit, if he leaves early it won't even bother you. I'm in my 30's now and don't need stuff like that to keep my heart in check, I can now deal with rejection and continue being friends with girls but you can never know which man is mature or not.
You can ban me now :^)(male)
>>81955>most of those guys were not 'pretending' anything, they didn't have some evil masterplan to make you spread your legs, they really were your friends, they genuinely liked you, they enjoyed spending time with you and that's why they developed feelings for you.
A lot of us have clarified that we understand the difference between a male friend developing feelings throughout the friendship vs the fuckzone. We are mostly complaining about the latter and have gone over this multiple times already. Did you actually read much of the thread or did you just read the first post and create this wall of text telling us we don't understand?
>It is your job as a woman to make sure a man doesn't develop those kind of feelings for you very early in your friendship, of course in an ideal world you wouldn't have to go around worrying about the cool guy you're friends with suddenly going psycho because you rejected him after being friends for like 2 years or something like that.
And how exactly is a woman supposed to do that? People can't really help who they're attracted to. Some guys even like me more when I'm gross and mannish.
So in short, slap a man's dick and heart almost as soon as you meet him to make sure he doesn't do any of this shit, if he leaves early it won't even bother you.
Sometimes you want to give people the benefit of the doubt and be friendly, not constantly worry about and try to prevent them from "going pyscho". It's really not our responsibility and we already do enough to attempt to avoid those situations anyway. I always establish that I'm only here for friendships with guys and half the time I get made fun of for assuming guys all want to fuck me or something. Guys should be able to use their words and be honest when they have other intentions. It really shouldn't be our responsibility to say "oh btw i'm NOT interested!" and it's almost a rejection in itself which makes them resent us even more. The default assumption should be that it's a normal friendship unless specified otherwise. You're advocating for a world where it's assumed a girl is dtf or going to ask you out unless you prematurely tell him off.
I get that you might be coming from a decent place giving advice, but you don't know what we're talking about and it shows. Your experience with women does not invalidate our decades of actually being women but you seem to think that we're all just missing something as simple as…saying we're not interested in anything more than friendship.
You are right, I just read the first posts and assumed the rest would be pretty much the same. Well I was addressing those who seem not to understand and think they were caught in an evil man's conspiracy and not just dealing with some dumbass over-sensitive friend who can't take rejection not addressing you who does get it and it was not 'mansplaining' if I'm just talking about the point of view of the males not telling you how to feel about it
>You're advocating for a world where it's assumed a girl is dtf or going to ask you out unless you prematurely tell him off.
I'm not advocating for it, that's the way it is, it has always been your personal experience just like you're saying, so I'm sorry but I will continue saying it is your responsibility to put walls around men just the way you've been taught to close your legs when wearing a dress, not walk around dark empty streets etc, you're the one advocating for a bizarro world where men can contain their nature, no amount of education or cultural change will make men mostly approach women with the same eyes he approaches another man, it's hopeless and you're just gonna live frustrated if you don't accept it but you can have very fulfilling, fun and genuine friendships with men if you make some effort to test they have good intentions when you meet them.
anon, if only that was so easy.>friend confesses through text message>my other friend, from the same friend group asks me about it and is sorry things are awkward now among us all>I say same and allow myself to bitch about the confession guy, saying that I wouldn't accept someone who declares his love to me through a text like a kid in middle school and it's a red flag for me, how do I know he's not trolling or someone took his phone and is fooling around, honestly a confession like this isn't even something to consider etc>few months later, this very friend I talked with about it, guess what, confesses to me through a text message
Men are impossible
That's ridiculous, but I laffed. It would be cute if it wasn't so fucking stupid.
Perhaps some of us are just more unfortunate than others when it comes to men we know.
Lol that is so dumb of him, you'd think he'd remember your complaints about it considering he had a crush on you.
I agree though that text message confessions are pathetic. Same goes for when they get a friend to ask you out for the guy. They get an instant "no" answer from me just for that.
Anon, I'm so sorry, Idk what to tell you, that's so awful. What a disgusting person to take advantage of you when you were comfortable enough to be vulnerable around him. How can someone be a good friend and then go and do something so absolutely vile and cruel?
Tbh I don't have any experience with sexual assault but I don't think it would be the best for you to stay his friend and keep hanging around him, it seems like an extremely poisonous situation.
Anon, he fucking raped you. You shouldn't even be considering a friendship with him, you should be going to the police. Even if you are struggling with your (platonic) feelings for him, he's a legitimate danger to other women and needs to face consequences for his actions.
Your reaction is really concerning, maybe you are in shock or something (which would be understandable). The unfortunate fact is that you didn't have a great platonic relationship if he cares so little for you that he raped you, he IS to blame, and your friendship is the last thing he deserves.
Great if it's working for you, although I'm sure there's more to it than that, given the complexities of human interaction.
The problem with image is that by its very definition it exists in the minds of others as their perception of you, so even your idea of a "non-sexual image" is susceptible to corruption. I try to divorce my identity from sexuality, but have also been called asexual by others, and nonetheless experience some degree of sexualization from others. It's trivial compared to what previous posters have experienced, but I used too know a group of girls who would regularly make comments or slap my ass and talk openly about things they would do to me, albeit jokingly. Ironically I think it stemmed from a feeling of being able to do so safely with no fear of me trying to retaliate or escalate the relationship.
Unfortunately, to exist in community is to face all the awkwardness, misunderstanding, and pain of shared humanity. I believe violence to be inexcusable, and it is worth struggling against, but a completely harmonious existence will only ever be experienced in small fragments scattered throughout a life.
I really got into the weeds with this response but I guess to address the OP my answer is yes, occasionally, but that doesn't mean it's not even worth trying.
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thank you for your responses
I’m just so lost. He’s so sweet i just think he was really drunk. I have bpd and other issues that make it basically impossible for me to drop people and I’ve hardcore obsessed over past abuser. I feel like I can’t tell anybody but anonymous sites… I don’t know. I don’t want to lose him we’ve been friends for ages and we’re so close. I just can’t stop thinking it’s my fault. I’m histrionic and dress kinda trashy and just. idk. I can’t sleep and keep breaking down over it. I’m sorry again this feels offtopic but i’m rambling
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Looks like they couldn't handle the truth
The bit about believing to be sterile is ???
Seems to be his one friend's belief which he applied to all women. The other stuff isn't necessarily untrue. I don't think any woman believes she is sterile, the monthly gory reminders of our fertility seem to ward such thoughts away.
Also the stuff about finding something else to do
rather than have kids is posited as bad. Nobody needs
to have children. There are other directives. It is not a failure, and as these screeds say it is a societal inevitability due to the current economy and friend and peer bonding situations we are in. (i.e bad all round)
We are more than our base biology, we just need to move beyond basic breeding instincts in order to achieve happiness in a society where basic breeding is difficult.
/Written like an incel because that's the content I'm responding to, actually a wimmin
O lord Anon. I'm kinda the same in that I go stockholm syndrome on people who abuse/disrespect me. (No crimes done to me as yet because I'm aware I'm like this and try to be careful)
You try and excuse, romanticize and explain away what happened when it's really simple. He didn't even give you an opportunity to be consensually romantic, he decided he wanted something and took it without asking. Can you go to the police? I have no idea what help they can offer but he is a danger to others as the other Anons said. I'm so sorry that happened. If you have trouble breaking away like you said, just never be alone together EVER again and make sure you always have a friend with you in any situation he is also attending. Tell people about it too, you don't have to tell it as a rape if you don't want to go legal but describe what happened to your female friends so they know.
How you act/dress has nothing to do with it, he would and will do that to librarians.
Not saying you weren't careful; some things that have happened to me have been considered rape by others when I describe it - not completely consensual/tricked into etc - but I don't use the word because I was in situations where it was implied I was agreeing to something
, just not quite what happened. You didn't agree to anything. It's not your fault.
Honestly? Women can treat men as friends and respect them. But men can't treat women the same way. For men it's embarrassing to be "just friends" with women. They lose face if they get caught treating women as respectable, equal beings. That's the only reason why women and men can't be friends. >>78527
Done this multiple times. Didn't work. I've always been a vulgar tomboy so in a group of men I'm often on par with them, yet I STILL end up getting inappropriate comments or suggestions. If they don't end up still objectifying you and you lose sexual appeal in their eyes, then you got nothing of interest left. They'll start treating you as garbage. Guys often hate the "dudebro" women because they don't have the most important feature of a woman in their eyes - being sexually/romantically attractive to them.
Three days ago you made me cut the crap and act normal around her.
Just now, in the groupchat, I dropped a hint about a party we used to go to which is returning this weekend. She was the first to reply, saying she's interested.
You were right about her not having bad feelings towards me. But I can't help thinking we could totally date, which is not a thought I should still have…
honestly anon, as corny as it is, if it's meant to be it will be.
My friend had a guy who was super into her, but she only saw him as a friend…a best friend. every now and again he'd try and make a move or share his feelings but she'd set him straight and he'd still be friendly. in the end, they werent meant to be. he found a girl who is perfect for him and the two of them are still remaining best friends.
Play it cool, focus on your friendship and respect her boundries.
If something is going to happen it will, but if not eventually you will move on and find someone whos better for you than you.
I say the same for girls who are desperate for a bf, if you stop searching for it and forcing things, then the right person or moment will come along, and you will know when it does.