/ot/ - off-topic

>>83321
Samefag here.

My parents have hated each other since I was born (but never divorced - it's not in the culture) and as a result I was constantly used as a liaison. I spied, I passed on info because one refused to talk directly to the other.

Eventually, I developed a fragmented "public face" because there were things I knew I could tell one parent but not the other, and that if I did, they probably wouldn't pass it on to the other.

I carried these things with me to the real world. I have trust issues and can only show certain parts of myself to certain people due to fear of rejection - ex., I can talk politics with my "politics" friends but not with my "music" or my "art" friends - and that's only the tip of the iceberg. :/

My family isolated me and my older brother was crazy manipulative so he would make up fake drama and convinced everyone to mock me and exclude me at all times.
If he ever did anything wrong it was excused. 1 time he went crazy off drugs and threw hot oil at me and I ran away because I was scared he was going to really hurt me (it was just me and him in the house) and I got in trouble but he didn't because "we were as bad as each other".
My brother would get everyone up early if they wanted to go off for the day and pretend he asked me if I wanted to come and told everyone I said no so they left me. I used to wake up alone in the house and spend the day by myself while everyone went off shopping or doing something fun.
If I ever ate anything everyone would pick on me and make fun of me, it was obsessive.
My sister didn't speak to me for about 6 years despite being close when we were little because my brother made sure they spent all their time together and convinced her I had done awful things to her like steal from her so she hated me.
He also used to steal my things and sell them or give them away.
I never spoke about my hobbies because whenever anyone found out I liked anything everyone would make fun of me for it.
My dad was also nuts and quite violent.
I felt so hated and like I had no family that I became extremely reclusive and withdrew into myself and spent most of my time lying in bed miserable.

Things are better nowadays because I have a very good boyfriend who I live with who cares for me very much but my relationship with my family is very strained and I feel like I'm not really able to connect with people and make genuine friendships or relationships.

Yes. It's hard to not go into detail about it.

My dad's an alcoholic and has been verbally abusive for years. It seemed OK when I was in elementary school but things escalated over the years and when I became older I realized how messed up some things were that happened in the past. One of the worst incidents was that he and my mother were saving money for a family vacation to Disney, and during the week of her birthday he took the money and spent nearly all of it getting shitfaced at an out-of-state strip club. As a kid he didn't treat me too badly (because I would just obsess over anything he liked) but he would bully my older sister a lot. She was very effeminate and into boys/clothing/makeup so he'd call her a whore or slut and really hated her when she chose to go to a technical high school for cosmetology and hairdressing. When she saved money from working two jobs to buy a car for herself he would spit on the windshield of it almost every morning before she drove to school.

My mother would always tell us that she was planning on getting a divorce but this never happened. Every time they had a big fight I would hear something different. "Oh, we're going to move in with grandma." "We can live with your uncle." "I want to leave but we need to find an apartment." My sister moved out as soon as she could and lived with her first long-term boyfriend. They broke up eventually but she's been married for a few years, and along with her husband makes a lot of money. She got really emotional when she told me about a conversation she had with our dad at a family party where he said that he thinks she's "okay" now. He absolutely despised her as a teenager but now that she makes more money and has a house she's fine.

So now he treats my mother and I like garbage. She does the majority of the housework and cooking but he'll throw a fit if she makes something he doesn't want or if we have a dinner that uses the same sides more than once a week. When I was in college he would lock me out of the house or do things like removing the keyboard and mouse from the home computer. I'm still at their house but basically live like a freeter andwork in the afternoon/nighttime to avoid seeing them. I think my boss seems to understand my situation because she mentioned her mother being the type of person that would act nice in public but was incredibly mean at home, which sounds very similar to how my dad is. Sometimes he acts nice but I don't even know how to talk to him anymore.

I hate when people try to say things like "oh that's just how he is, you know how guys get when they've had a long day." It's not fucking normal for someone to call their daughter a miserable cunt or to slam their wife's hand in a doorframe. My uncle apparently used to act similar until he started gettting meds to treat it (BPD I'm assuming) and now he's fine. It's not an exaggeration when I say how much of a source of misery my parent's relationship is to me. I wouldn't mind seeing a therapist or counselor but I don't know how to take the first step.

>>84803
God your dad sounds completely similar to mine it's so awful having to deal with someone like that for yrs and being unable to do much about it


My dad is an extreme alcoholic now he used to be a chef before I was born but he became disabled and now just sits home all day and drinks or goes out to a bar to drink
As soon as my mum is home from work until he sleeps he will insult her constantly for hours for no reason, sometimes he'll even spit on her its so disgusting
Also if I dare to leave my room while he's like that he'll start saying disgusting things to me too
Its really sad how he's always forcing me and my mum to do everything for him and then complains about me not doing anything (currently not in school but im moving out soon and getting a job) when he literally sits on his ass all day and orders everyone around as if we were his pets
God forbid my mum declines, he will start cursing her again ugh

He used to be nice and not so abusive when I was little but now that he's older its getting worse and worse to the point im constantly hearing death threats from him to me and my mum daily that it's a bit worrying honestly, I feel like going to the police about it but first I need to record him and stuff but I'm worried they wont take it seriously since there isn't much physical abuse, mostly emotional
Also he barely brings any income and the money he gets he spends on alcohol so I don't understand how my mum hasn't divorced him yet honestly she can even afford leaving this house to him and pay for it still while living somewhere else
But I guess it's her own choice I'm just worried for her safety once I move out of the country idk

My father was abusive, but I had to live with him until I was old enough to run away. I can't even remember most of my childhood.
I had to teach myself how to 'act' around people, but still have social anxiety.

my advice is to cut all contact with abusive shitheads.

www.carovnezrcadlo.cz/TOXIC-PARENTS.pdf

>>84911
oops, pressed send too soon. It's a link to the pdf of the whole book, just in case some of you find it helpful. It talks about verbally abusive, physically abusive, emotionally abusive, sexually abusive and alcoholic parents.

>>83326

>
I carried these things with me to the real world. I have trust issues and can only show certain parts of myself to certain people due to fear of rejection - ex., I can talk politics with my "politics" friends but not with my "music" or my "art" friends - and that's only the tip of the iceberg. :/

I relate to this so much.

>>84911
thank you

Father was apparently an abusive alcoholic and an avid gambler. When I was two he abused my mother and my older sister had to intervene which eventually lead to him getting kicked out by my mum with a knife to his throat. He was a good man, he just had a lot of demons following him around. He died a hero when I was 8 after saving my step-brother whom I despise, from drowning in an ocean current.

My mother is a depressing woman. Very stubborn, very emotionally manipulative, very negative. When my father and her were together he would comment on a female celebrity's appearance and she would later cut an image of said celebrity from a magazine out and lay it on his pillow exclaiming if he loved them so much he should fuck the pillow instead of loving her. She's still unbearable to this day, but I tolerate her because I know there's an underlying issue that she is unwilling to address.

My eldest sister (sister A) has at present alienated her immediate family. She was recently cheated on by her husband and kicked out to make room for his mistress who lives off of benefits and sister A's allowance towards the mortgage. He's told my sister A that my other sister (sister B) made moves on him and he couldn't resist, causing A to retaliate against sister B. She now believes her marriage is saved because B is out of the picture and refuses to talk to us. Delusional to say the least. B never did anything by the way, my brother-in-law sexually abused her and tried to sleep with me when I was 13, but A never believed us and just got angry.

Sister B is fine besides anger issues. I like her the most.

I also have a schizophrenic aunty who claimed there was a gun in the backyard and threatened the whole family because the angels told her to kill the family for access into the gates of heaven.

To add to that I have a half-brother from my father's side who murdered a man by dragging him out of the car and bludgeoning him to death when he was 16.

Grew up with a manipulative step-dad with major anger management issues until I was about 14.

Mom and him had a child when I was 6, and he had us moved far away from our main family. Abused my mother, both mentally and physically all the time. More than one occasion he'd throw books and hit me when I tried to stand up for myself. Little 9 year old me. Jesus.

Mom gets cancer, he's all pissy about fuck all, like usual. She gets out of the hospital, and they had an argument over something I don't know, and he punched her in the stomach. She went back to the hospital, and went into surgery. Shortly later she died, I assume (hopefully) from the cancer not the punch, he leaves, I move in with grandmother and sister. He marries another women within a year and breeds more babies.

Fucking hate his guts. I was too young to understand what was going on so I never really reached out for help. But I do vividly remember one time I told him I'd call the police and he fucking flipped and snatched the phone from me and smashed it into the ground. Proceeded to try to bash the TV in.

My sister sees him still, every week, and he's been constantly manipulating her with words like, "Why don't you love your own father? Don't even speak to me anymore. You're not my daughter" or "God doesn't like this, you're making God upset" and she's too young to really realize what he's doing to her.

Yeah, he thinks he's a good person because he's "A man of God" and forces his children to Church 3-4 times a week.

When he finally moved away and we were cleaning out his shit we found photos of him naked with other woman and a sex tape.

Disgusting fucker… It's been a good 6-7 years since I've seen that fucker's face. I hope to keep it that way. I hope my sister realized shit and stands up for herself.

>>85098
>breeds more babies

lmao that about sums it up.
I'm sorry to hear all this though, and I can relate though to your tale.
Like yourself, I was old enough as a kid to realise that you dont do what daddy does kek
but my little sister was at an impressionable age and now, at 16, shes come to exhibit some of these abusive tendencies due to this early exposure I believe.
Scary stuff, but hope yours and my twisted sisters figure it out eh?

To OP and the posters here:
>>>https://www.childline.org.uk/

My mom is an incredibly manipulative and unpredictable alcoholic who has borderline personality disorder. Her life was supposedly ruined by my father and the rest of her family, and she'd always make us feel bad or guilty for spending the weekends with him after they started getting divorced. She'd generally make us feel bad for doing anything that might hurt her feelings in any way, so you have to be super touchy around her. There'd be weeks where I'd come home from school and she'd be sitting there drunk as fuck and sitting on welfarebux while my dad was out actually working. I hate her guts but I rarely ever get to see her more loving or honest side, and that's because of the BPD. One hour she'd be fine and watching a sitcom with us and the next she'd be screaming and arguing with my little brother because he doesn't ever do his homework.
I genuinely believe my older brother is the most damaged thanks to spending a lot of his life alone with my mom. He is arguably more authoritarian and parental than my mom or dad ever were, but he'd get physical every time he was seriously pissed off at us. Nothing traumatising, just grabbing and shoving, but I was still scared of him every time we'd visit him.
My younger brother was extremely spoiled and would have a bad temper and start to break down or stress out whenever someone would enforce authority or some level of discipline. Used to feel really close to him but because of the way he's been I don't feel like I'm even related to him.
Older siblings and dad are the most sane. My dad just wants the best for us and he genuinely means it, even if he comes off as condescending and infantilizing sometimes. He also can't look after kids for shit.
In the end it made me incredibly anxious, gullible and pissed off at the smallest things. Who else /mommyissues/ here?

I don't even know where to start.

As far as I can remember, the main antagonist has been my father. He's of the sort that has a really short temper and used to yell at us (me and my brother) and my mom for whatever reason, the way we were sitting, how my mom cooked dinner, even my brother and I laughing too loudly in the car joking around. I hear from my older half siblings that he used to be physically abusive, but I don't know to what extent, as I am the youngest. My eldest half brother got his license taken away bc of multiple DUIs and one of my half sisters told me a story about how her mom took them away as children to the airport in an attempt to escape him. So I infer that it used to be pretty bad and has left some long lasting impressions. He's never hurt my mother, besides verbally, but has taken out some aggression on us kids physically sometimes, but it's always shrouded in this "discipline" aura so I'm not sure if it was actual abuse or just old school punishment. My whole family life is so mysterious to me because it doesn't make logical sense to me, so I'm not sure how to deal with it. Ever since I went away for college has things settled down somewhat, but I think that's because my dad's is getting old so the most he does is work all day and doze off to the tv for a few hours before going to bed. In all that has made my family pretty stoic, so we can't even talk to each other about more emotional matters, and my older brother used to bully me to relieve his stress for being bullied by our dad (I ended up being a bit of a bully at school, so I guess that saying goes).

I'm still pretty weary of him though. Because of his tendency to fly off the handle for whatever thing, I've encoded it into myself that if I can't predict his reaction, or one of his reactions, and make extra steps to plan for those, then I get really nervous in dealing with him. Even asking him (bc all permissions must be from him or else invalid) if I could go to my friends house for a few hours on the weekend was a huge ordeal. Like now I'm 22 and I can't even tell my family I have a boyfriend because my dad used to stress zero boys forever, so I don't even know how he'll react and I just want them to be okay with him. Things with my family are okay these days, but I only talk to them a couple times or less a month so maybe that's why.

UNGRATEFUL WHORES!
http://boards.4chan.org/r9k/thread/27715235#p27717426
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>85235
This autistic obsession you guys got with us is just fascinating.

>>85331
I agree. Although this thread is absolute cancer even by /b/ standards.

I grew up as a child of a heroin addict and prostitute. My father was clean but he left me with her because she threatened to tell the courts that him and his parents molested me if he didn't give up full custody. No one on my dad's side molested me. I now have PTSD from growing up around drug related violence and being homeless for half of my life. Things are a lot better now because my mom is clean but now I have constant anxiety and paranoia because my body is always in fight or flight mode because I was always in danger as a child. I have panic attacks every day and have bad abandonment issues. Daily life is a struggle for me but I'm still trying.

>>114103
I hope you stay alright, anon. We are here for you.

>parents hate each other, screamed and lied to each other all throughout childhood
>no good model for what healthy relationships look like
>20-something retard with no close friends, no BF

it all makes sense now

Being the youngest and most "reliable" in the family really fucked me up, i guess, since most of the bullshit came my way.
They all act nice and dandy but then come behind backs to me talking shit about each other, which made me think that every person was the same and everyone talked behind each others backs which created a lot of trust issues for me.
The one i blame the most for my family issues is my grandfather though, he is very abusive, and, according to my mother, always was. When i was very little he used to threaten me and my brother with a belt if we even much as said a word a little too "loud" or played in his presence, which made us both stop talking and playing at all in the house and scared to do so out of it. I never brought other kids to my house to play because i was afraid of them discovering how fucked up my family was.
When i used to play with my toys in the TV room he would hit me with his shoes or throw things at me because i was disrupting him, even when i was quiet and lying on the floor to not obstruct anything. One time he got my favorite toy and burned it in front of me because i was playing while he was watching TV and i was "annoying". Another time he got all my toys in a bag and threw them at the fireplace so i would "learn my lesson". That turned me into someone that cannot do anything in front of other people for fear of how they would react, now i hide everything i do and never do stuff in public or with people watching me.
He mistreats my grandma left and right, is always insulting her and degrading everyone and everything in his way, i still have my parents as a good relationship view, but it made me terrified of ever being with men in my younger years, seeing how he treated her made me really scared of being in a relationship with a men and them turning like him.
Whenever he has a bad day he starts making scenes, insulting my mother and my grandma and me, punching and breaking whatever's in his way… so my family is just very on edge all the time, because one single word, be it good or bad, causes very unpleasant scenes. It truly feels like a prision.
I haven't spoken to him in a year since the last straw was when he beat me and told me i should have been a miscarriage and that i should do my family a favor and dissapear, but i still have to live with him, which is seriously draining me and my family to no end. I'm just waiting it out until he dies or i move out because i feel he is the biggest weight on our family being as dysfunctional as it is.
Apart from him my brother is a game addict NEET which always makes fun of everything i like which caused me to hide all my hobbies, my father is barely home since he works most of the day and when he is he either ignores us or complains if we ask something of him, my mother is overprotective and isolated me to the point where thanks to her i have no personality left and my grandma is depressed and constantly taking out all her issues on us.
I grew up thinking that having to carry the dead weight of my family was normal and that our family life was normal and TV just glorified how close families can be to the point where they are able to talk about stuff without getting judged and belittled, but when i realized it was not it left me fucking empty.

So…yeah, at least people outside the house think we are a "model family" and me and my brother are "really good people" eventhough we are just fucked up NEETs.
Realizing that most of the good things in your personality have come from surfing the internet instead of being adquired from a healthy relationship with your family is very sad lol.