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No. 171088
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>>171087This is the 21st century.
Feminism requires you to stalk your own guy and entrap him into a marriage.
(derailing) No. 171089
>>171086No, the success of strange marriages is due to simple psychology.
The sheer variety of choice we have in potential partners increases or anxiety over what we choose and decreases our satisfaction.
With around 4 billion potential people to marry we are less likely to be satisfied with who we choose to marry.
Decrease that number to just one, however and the anxiety and doubt created by choice is completely eliminated. You are also forced to look work with the person you have to make the relationship work.
Insteadoff getting a divorce and playing the numbers game all over again an arranged couple is forced to reconcile their differences and learn to love eachother despite what faults they have. The love they create out of necessity ends up being not only stronger but more durable than love created out of choice.
No. 171090
>>171086>the couple often ends up sleeping in separate beds and showing little affection for each other beyond the dude bringing home the ¥¥¥ and the woman carrying out domestic dutiesHonestly, that sounds great.
Where can I sign up?
No. 171091
>>171089Arranged marriages*
Our anxiety*
Look past problems and work with the person you have the relationship with*
Instead of*
Sorry posting from phone
No. 171096
>>171094>>171095Even if we ignore the disparity in divorce rates
>55 percent in regular marriages vs 5 percent in arranged onesArranged marriages are still more successful in a host of other categories
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-08-22/features/sc-fam-0821-arranged-marriage-20120821_1_marriages-free-choice-satisfactionhttp://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1363176/Why-arranged-marriage-likely-develop-lasting-love.htmlIt's an uncomfortable fact to accept because everyone wants to believe in "true love", "Prince Charming" and "fate" but the truth is arranged marriages are statistically in almost all categories more likely to turn out successful
No. 171097
>>171096? Again, if the divorce rate is your only metric for successful then fine, I really don't think that should be the line in the sand though.
But let's stick with divorce since this is YOUR metric for success. You fail to mention the widespread incidence of dowry harassment, dowry deaths, female infanticide, deep-rooted son preference, and the chronic and persistent gap in education and employment opportunities for men and women. You fail to mention that since divorce is highly stigmatized and difficult to obtain, most women do not leave abusive marriages.You fail fails to mention that since India doesn't have laws for equitable distribution of marital assets, child support and automatic maintenance, most women CANNOT leave a bad marriage, unless they are financially independent.In India, assets belong to the person who owns them. Most marital assets like a house and financial investments, are usually in the husband's name. India doesn't have laws that decree an automatic division of marital assets, nor a law that protects the rights of divorced homemakers.
Subsequently, divorce is unthinkable for Indian women, in the absence of social welfare and child support. Even if child support payment are awarded, they are rarely enforced by the courts, leaving divorced women to fend for themselves.
Marital rape is legal. A wife cannot legally prosecute an unfaithful, adulterous husband, though the law allows a husband to go after the wife's lover.
Male adultery is not an offence, but female adultery is.
Honestly, I think you're way to obsessed with people staying together = happy. I've had divorced friends who tell of their relief when their parents said they were getting a divorce, the stress of the house was just too much.
No. 171098
>>171097Everything you described here is not due to arranged marriages but the specific cultural trends of India and their society. You are diverting blame onto arranged marriages when the source of these issues comes from a specific culture. You are also ignoring the abuse and problems that come with regular marriages, it may seem like people have more ability to escape them outside of arranged marriages but often it's not the case.
Now let's focus on the statistic you over looked.
Arranged couples felt twice as in love over ten years while love in regular marriages love decreased by half in as little as a year and a half.
This is not just divorce rates but actual love felt by the couple, you are ignoring the psychology involved when we are given choice, which was outlined here>>28477.
Arranged marriages in itself are a better option than regular marriages, do not confuse the perceived issues with the backwardness of a specific culture and it's inability to confront social issues
No. 171099
>>171098Didn't say anything about abuse in regular marriages, so don't bring it up. I didn't address it, this is about arranged marriages and that's how it's going to stay.
I've known a few arranged marriages (came to study from abroad) where both spouses were actively cheating, and while neither one was okay with it, neither one KNEW the other was cheating.
And yeah, if I had no chance to divorce and was looked down upon as a waste and selfish for divorcing, my response to "are you in love?" would be a resounding "YES" even if I wasn't.
When you are forced accept, forced to marry, forced to live, forced to have sex, forced to have kids, forced to rise kids, forced to marry for the kids in same way, forced to force them to live in the same way, forced to force them to have their kids and forced to play with grand children and finally forced to record the success of life, it means you are using the created data for defined equation and showing the points are very much closely correlated.
No. 171100
>>171099You are making an overly dramatic argument based on anecdotal evidence and personal qualms about how you perceive the issue already without looking at what the data says.
What you call "being forced" may sound awful but in reality if it leads to greater happiness and greater feelings of love it should not matter how uncomfortable the term makes you feel because it's in reality a better option.
Also it's a little juvenile to ignore data and just claim the participants were lying. I can do the same and make the claim that they were actually even happier than they said they were, it doesn't matter because it's just speculatio based on a prior personal bias.
I wont blame you for that because in western society we are led to believe that our freedom and decision making is where our source of happiness lies when ussually it's where most of our sorrow also comes from. It's uncomfortable and even contradictory to think that something "forced" can be positive and better than our own decision making skills but psychologically it makes a lot of sense.
Your problem with arranged marriages seems to stem from the specific cultural traditions of India, your anecdotal personal biases and fear of lack of control more than anything empirical
No. 171102
>>171101this is why I want to depend on my mum for this.
>>171088too bad
No. 171106
>>171105This isn't the same poster.
A person's marriage partner are different people from their families. I know someone that has a great marriage with his wife but he's not talking to his parents ever again.
No. 171107
>>171101Does he treat serving staff (waitresses etc) with respect?
Does he treat animals with respect?
And yes also, if he has a nice family who have been good to him has he returned that?
You can also tell a lot about someone by their friends. Even if someone is nice and just has asshole friends, it means that they are the kind of person who just go along with what others say
No. 171109
>>171100In 2012 over 1.4 dowry deaths per 100,000 females were reported in India, against 3.4 homicides per 100,000 women worldwide, according to a UN report. That makes Indian brides account for a full 41 per cent of the global toll of murdered women. Just - just stop anon. Stop.
Also yeah, I'm making this about India. The places where arranged marriages are most common are still the Indian sub continent countries - India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, some African & South American countries and middle east. Trying to remove this from their culture is ridiculous, they're tied together inextricably.
>>171101There is no guarantee. Even after 30 years - people change, situations come up that forever change how you see someone. Some people seem amazing and do a 180 once they get married. You just can't know 100%.
No. 171112
>>171097>if however many people end up hating each other enough to divorce is your metricIts a pretty good metric, honestly. Especially in today's society were 10% of the population is divorced.
Relationships based solely around love don't work. Love is 1/3 of a successful marriage, with commitment and attachment being the other two. And yes, Attachment is separate from love.
No. 171113
>>171110Not the farmer you were replying to.
Yes, most people here are living in western countries, but where is the data on happiness in arranged marriages coming from?
No. 171121
>>171120On second thought, I'm basically talking about what you're saying:
>>171119That's how white people did things traditionally. Europe was unusual in that the woman could actually refuse a man legally.
No. 171124
>>171121Maybe it's just my family, but we still do it like this.
(I'm from Italy)
No. 171125
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Nope. I truly enjoy choosing whom I want to marry. Building a relationship is important. If it works for some, that's fine, but it feels so medieval and too 'trade my daughter for a goat' thing to me.
There are many, many factors in why people divorce. It could be something as little as job loss/financial issues or actually losing a child that breaks a couple up. Statistics are fine, but I think personal experience and really building on a great relationship is important. I've been with my soon to be wife for nearly a decade now and would not want anyone else.
No. 171126
>>171086This is what I feel like. The only reason arranged marriages 'work' is because the woman is shamed into staying with the husband no matter what he does. It's very sexist.
Look at places like India and the middle east.
No. 171128
>>171127Possible they got together at a young age, where marriage was kinda ridiculous for a while like as teens or sth
Anyway, I think some balance between working out a relationship akin to arranged marriages and finding someone you actually like as with love marriages could work. People change so it's all a crapshoot, but I think a lot of people in the west believe in that "spark" of love and believe it would never go out or expect some kind of love where you're always in each other's face about how much you love each other to last forever and that's the main focus of marriage.
I'm not really good at feelings so I'm not even sure I could do a 100% love marriage anyway. Like, I would die old and alone three times over before I ever met someone who had that ~spark~ where I knew it was ~fate~ for us to be together or whatever crap they sell in romance media.
No. 171131
>>171129Lol why are people so mad about you and your girl spending your money on living and not a party?
Weddings are important if you both really want one, but making responsible choices with your finances is cool.
No. 171134
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>>171131Yeah, I believe it's all personal. (I'm a woman btw/lesbian.)
I truly believe that everyone does shit differently and what works for me might not work for others. Don't want to get too personal, but our relationship is solid but she want and I want a certain type of wedding and we can both save up and wait. We're in much more stable places now, so it's closer than you think. I'm really happy about all of this.
>>171130I'm gonna!
>>171132It's all good. Money problems are something lots of working class people can't escape, but it's always a temporary problem, which is fine. In a better place financially now.