/ot/ - off-topic

>>160602
The death of someone very close.

Break up
Not a very exciting life I have…

A guy snuck up behind me and pulled up my shirt and bra infront of the entire school.

Also, off-topic, but I love hugging a pillow. It's so very comforting.

>bullied through whole school-life, feel like trash and an object for their amusement
>being born and having to deal with loneliness, because way too different from almost anyone to find me interesting
>being an average IQ ape
fml

>>160605
That sounds really embarrassing, but at least you didn't shit yourself in the 6th grade..

getting hospitalised against my will as an adult. Having 0 control over my life while being force fed pills.

>>160605
That guy is a little shit.

If it makes you feel better, I've had a similar experience. One time, I wore a skirt to school with no shorts underneath (stupid me) and as I was walking to my bus, a random large gust of wind blew it upwards exposing my underwear and ass for about 50 people to see. It wasn't even windy in the slightest that day except for that one gust so it caught me off guard and I didn't think to hold down my skirt whilst walking outside. Now I know better, but it was really embarrassing. Especially since I had to see these people everyday. Not only that, but when I got on the bus everyone was staring at me. No one laughed or made negative comments that I could hear but it was still super awkward and my teenage insecure thoughts were still making me worried about people making fun. I remember coming home from school that day and crying for hours. I was so worked up over it haha.

>>160607
Did you threaten suicide? It sucks being forcefed pills when many of them need is some time talking to someone supportive a non-judgmental. One of my friends became addicted to Xanax because of how they calmed her down and loved that feeling when she was forced fed them. The only issue was she was extremely depressed and agitated her bf broke up with her. Her parents felt she was a suicidal threat and filed the petition to have her committed. If she was given a few days, she wouldve gotten over it.

>>7477
Sorry to hear what happened to you. The family that's alienating you because you told on that person makes the family members just as guilty for enabling bad behavior and doing nothing for you. And of course, what did thst result in? Him thinking he could shoot someone and permanently alter their life.

Good for you kicking him out. He was emotionally and physically manipulative and just a shitty person in general. Threatening something harmful to manipulate you into staying is never right. My dad used to do that to my mom all the tine, but she was smart enough to always come up with a good comeback because she knew how to think ahead. Good for you for not giving him power over you anymore.

You are not a bad person–just a person who had very horrible experiences outside her control and not having the chance to make good decisions. I feel for you hun, especially those panic attacks. I'm hoping you are currently seeing a therapist and are seeing a psychiatrist for medications to help you while you are in therapy. If not, I woukd suggest it. It does help a lot to have a crutch to hold onto while on the emotional roller coaster that a therapist will make you go through to help you out.

>>160608
>I wore a skirt to school and a random large gust of wind blew it upwards exposing my underwear and ass for about 50 people to see.
Just like my japanese animes!

>>160610
wow, thank you so much for your kind comments. i'm having a bad bout of paranoia so i freaked out and deleted the post.

i tried to contact the therapist i was working with a year ago, but she hasn't yet contacted me back. i'm feeling weird and alone and abandoned. i feel like i've ruined every friendship and relationship i've ever had, you know? like i'm just this evil, broken person. i feel like no one actually likes me and i'm just waiting for them to all pop out like a surprise party and tell me they actually just hated me all along. i'm so anxious right now that i haven't been able to sleep, which is making the paranoia worse…

Anyway. I really, really appreciate your kind response. It was real nice of you. I'm going to try contacting my therapist again, and I will try to find a psychiatrist too. thanks again, anon.

>>160611
Yeah, cause that can't happen irl or anything. You're either a retarded butch dyke or an r9k shitposter. Fuck off, fag.

I've written about it before on here, but at least one of the worst things (if not the worst thing) that's ever happened to me was getting severe serotonin syndrome earlier this year. Pretty sure I have lasting brain and nerve damage from it, because a lot of things have been fucked up ever since then - weird symptoms that doctors can't explain and shit. My life has gone to hell and I don't see myself ever being "functional" again.

But yeah, it was terrifying. I was twitching all over the place and I literally felt like I was going to die any second. At one point, I became completely paralyzed and couldn't even feel my skin. My mom was touching my arm and I just couldn't feel it. I felt like I was retreating deeper and deeper into myself and that I was going to end up trapped inside this non-functioning shell for the rest of my life. Thankfully that ended after a few hours.

>>160614
what caused it? drugs i assume, but what kind?

>>160611
My story has nothing to do with anime but ok.
Maybe you should get out of the house more instead of basing everything off your mongoloid cartoons.

>>160615
Legal "polypharmacy." Multiple antidepressants and other legitimately prescribed medications combined with me losing weight to the point where the dosages were just too much for my body to handle. None of the prescribing doctors were paying enough attention to realize that I shouldn't have been on all of the medications I was on in combination. Plus, in the hospital, they started shooting me up with drugs before they'd even found out what I was already taking - and the shit they gave me made the serotonin syndrome even worse. Stupid me for trusting licensed professionals. I'm probably going to be butthurt about it for a while yet.

being molested as a young child on the reg by my neighbour and then later by a family member

mom died in a freak accident when i was a teen which was a catalyst for self destruction as i was already fairly unwell mentally

took almost a decade to get my shit together and be a functional human being, though i still struggle a lot.

neglected by parents as an infant
abused by mom all throughout childhood
bullied at school throughout all my life
only friend from school said they hated me after we went to different highschools
groomed & raped by older men because muh daddy issues from 11-15
people at hs found out, started rumors, everyone would bully me
dropped out
never finished highschool
now diagnosed with BPD, depression, aspergers, PTSD, anxiety
now social suicide
all i do is play vidya and wallow in self pity
i have no goals, i live from one day to the next, hoping to get the strength to one day end it

>>160614
Are you the took-mdma-once-and-fucked-up-anon? If so, it might not have been a serotonin syndrome but psychosis.
I got exactly the same symptoms from research chemicals (and frankly those might be sold as pills/mdma). I never had anyone describe what I experienced this accurately.
>> felt like I was retreating deeper and deeper into myself and that I was going to end up trapped inside this non-functioning shell for the rest of my life
Spot on. If we experienced the same thing, it's psychological, not physiological and you will be fine in about 6-12 months. Maybe see a psychiatrist.

>>160620
ok I just realized the post is 8 months old, I'm an idiot.

Welp, it got bumped might as well post:

1. Getting molested by a male babysitter when I was six because I had asked for a back scratch. Started getting uncomfortable when the teenaged fuck went from my back and started picking at my butt. Said I had to give him a 'massage' in return. Tries to pull his pimply dick out of his pants, I'm visibly uncomfortable. Shouts at me that "IT'S OKAY" repeatedly until I touch it once. Run away crying and lock myself in the bedroom until my mom got home. I remember him pounding at the door and yelling at me to come out. He lived across the street so maybe he ran home..
My memory blacks out after this, but I'd like to imagine I caused that shit some mental anguish not knowing if I'd tattle. Fortunately for him, I didn't. And when I brought it up years later in a heated argument with my mom she called me a liar.
His sister was cool though, she was my primary babysitter which is probably what made it so hard for my kid self to tell.

2. Going through puberty, I used to get really upset at my biological father who over the years I was forced visitation with. By 'visitation' he would pick me up and proceed to ignore me for weekends while we did everything his girlfriends wanted to do. Or what he wanted to do, which most likely was sitting in bars, being on his boat, or fixing cars. His house was unfinished so I remember freezing ass in winter, burning with bugs in the summer, and since it was out in the middle of nowhere I would sit around and watch him fix up his shitty vehicles in a garage. No cable, no toys, no friends, no nothing. He manipulated me to lie about the conditions and my time with him to the courts so the visitation could continue, and wanting to win my dad's love, I complied.
My mom and stepdad claimed once that they drove over to the docks where my dad would drink beer with friends, and they found me wandering the boatyard by myself…and I guess didn't stop or say anything for reasons?
As a preteen, I had enough being neglected and taken away from friends.
The last argument I had with him was very heated. He was driving me to my mom's and I remember shouting at him that he didn't actually give a fuck about me. Suddenly he stopped the car in the middle of nowhere, threw my shit to the curb, and told me to get the fuck out.
He drove off.
This was back in 2005ish when cell phones weren't a huge thing but fortunately I had a nokia.
Called my parents and they came and got me.
My biological dad lost all custody for that, haven't seen him since that day.
I'm actually still extremely pissed at my mom as she told me in later years that my biological dad actually beat her and that was the reason for their divorce in addition to his infidelity
My mom was just never a good advocate for me. I'm really surprised my dad didn't get slapped for child neglect when he abandoned me, but that's because nobody cared enough to press it.


3. I brought it up in another thread on /b/ but I remember when I had to get a surgical abortion performed at 15. When I came back to school my ex had told everyone what had happened, in an area that was severely pro-life. He claims he had "wanted" the kid but never confronted my parents, and abandoned me for Runescape and tendies when I asked him for emotional support. He got another bitch knocked up mere months after my procedure, and they proceeded to bully me my entire junior year saying that I was some kind of witch who wanted to abort "their" baby. Because of the nasty shit said about me, I got a reputation (ironically) as a "bully" because I retaliated from being constantly harassed. Some days I didn't want to go to school because I didn't feel like getting confronted by the bitch, which is what would routinely happen. And since she was so mentally fucked in the head, people thought I did shit to "provoke" her when all someone need do was say someone had talked shit to get her to go haywire.
She got so many people to side with her at the time (to shame me for the abortion I had, not that they cared she was prego) that I got kicked out of Honor's Society for being late to their 6am before-school meetings twice (once due to winter weather). Because the secretary that took attendance was a pro-lifer and didn't record the reasons why I was late. My parents were going to push it further when my appeal failed but surprise they never acted on that either.

Oh for the record the ex isn't in that child's picture, and I believe he went on to pump and dump another girl with a baby after that one as well.

Anyway, sorry for the wall of text but it's actually kind of cathartic to let some of this stuff out.

Most recent worst shit
>have mental breakdown and am two months behind in bills
>try to reach out to my parents for support
>confess my anxiety disorder as the main reason why I find it hard to go to work or get out of bed
>they say they don't understand and ream me out
>say I'm lying about diagnosis
>I get frustrated and hysterically yell back at them over the phone
>mom accuses me of being hostile, aggressive, and that she "has never done anything wrong to me"
>I hang up
>parents have washed themselves of my situation by threatening to put me in a crisis center and giving me the gracious offer of calling if I need to talk
>like that's what I want to do when I have anxiety about them and severe distrust

Molested by weird older cousin who liked lolicon and shit like that when i was nine. Told my mom, but she was like "boys will be boys" and left me in the house with him alone Jesus fuck. I try not to remember this shit because it makes me feel disgusting and gross.
Lost virginity in an absolutely terrible way– guy was a friend of mine who was usually okay but he was drunk that night and he was an angry drunk so it culminated in me trying to crawl off the table and yelling at him and him restraining me and shoving his dick in anyway.
Also when the first genuinely nice boy i ever dated broke up with me because of my drug use. Not that i really blame him, since i was a toxic, self-absorbed little leech back then, but it still tore me up inside in an unbelievable way. I don't even understand why.

Molested through childhood and raped in teenagehood. Adulthood has been fairly kind to me ever since turning 21 though.

>>160625
And this is why I will NEVER EVER confess to suicidal ideation even if I think it's serious.
People treat you like a dehumanized piece of waste!

>>160626
Yep, I know. I don't anymore. I lied my ass off after the OD, when I was out of the ICU so they wouldn't put me in the psychiatric ward. Luckily, I got a nice young shrink who bought it and let me go.

Now, the idea of being treated like this is mostly what keeps me from trying to kill myself again. That night in the ICU, I really took in how miserable I was feeling, with all the syringes, the catheter, the moaning of other patients, the way they treated me, the restraints, the humiliation of being stripped in front of everybody and I think about it when I feel like killing myself.

>>160626
this so much
i first went to therapy around age 17 and i thank my younger self sooo much for being smart enough not to talk about that. i dont want it on my mental health 'permanent record' so to speak (because it will)

I had a bucket of water poured on me in school, I was at the bottom of the stairs and they (whoever they were) were at the top.

It was embarrassing for obvious reasons.

I've had worse days, just one shitty thing after the other. But as an isolated incident that was the worst.
And I love how trivial my thing is. It's like rape. Rape. Rape. Someone poured water over my head! :(

>>160625
I called 911 once because my medicine (SSRI) made me extremely suicidal one night. All they said was "call your doctor in the morning so you can talk about the med".

>>160630
I can understand why though.
911 is meant for people in dire and critical circumstances.

>>160631
>>160630
wtf i thought 911 is supposed to help if you are suicidal
i thought they treat suicidal person as emergency? :/ that sucks anon
next time, remember there is suicide hotline

>>160632
Nope, they'll come only for an immediate danger and scowl you if they come. Not a good idea to call them unless you already tried and are leaking blood everywhere.

>>160629
Being humiliated is pretty relatable, at least.

psychosis

>>160602
Had to help my sister drown kittens when I was 8. That affected me harder than other things because I love cats. I'll never forget their pitiful meowling and how I struggled to drown them as quickly as I could, to not prolong their suffering

Why does it seem like every other girl has had issues with rape or sexual assult? I've never experienced any issues like that, I'm not ugly either…

>>160637
are you saying you want to experience those things?

I'm not ugly (according to people around me) but I barely get the odd old man aggressively hitting on me on the street. Chalk it up to looking unapproachable and knowing when to ignore people/leave situations/not engage. Every time some guy has been creepy to me has been because I made eye contact for too long/decided to linger and chat.

My first and longest relationship was with an awful piece of shit. I gave my virginity to him because I was afraid he would leave me, and he took it as a sign of me being okay with having sex at his whim. He would get really mad every time I denied him sex and it got to the point where I would simply give in rather than deal with his rage. It was never a pleasant experience.

I dealt with him for two years. Throughout it all, he cheated on me, lied to me, got angry at the most inane shit, took every cent I had, bought prescription pills from his uncle, and emotionally abused me in addition to pressuring me into sex. I distinctly remember crying every day during the years I was with him.

I've never wished considerable ill on anyone, but I hope he suffers for what he did to me. I hope he never at peace and the shit he did to me and other girls haunts him for the rest of his life.

>>160636
I'm so sorry about that anon, but I'm curious why you (or anyone) had to drown kittens? Not trying to make you feel bad, but I'm really curious.

>>160636

Oh god what. I'm not going t judge you because you were a child, but what was it that lead you to that circumstance in the first place? And why drowning? Surely a breaking its neck or a quick smash with a heavy rock to the skull would be kinder?

Got wrapped up in a really fucked up holistic cult when I was 14, which was a segue to getting wrapped up in an equally fucked up cult academy. A student 5 years older than me at that school began molesting me and I was raped that year (unrelated to the school or my molester) The cult started to convince me I was the wrong gender and started getting me to transition from female to male, put me on hormones (which gave me some permanent symptoms) When I told the school I was being molested they shrugged it off and said I should be flattered since the person molesting me was in a higher hierarchal status than me, and should have been talking to me in the first place.

>>160638
No, god no. It's kinda bad to say but I think that in most cases it's avoidable, being molested as a kid is a whole different story though.

>>160642

What the fuck Anon. What.

>>160640
Not her but if you are on a farm for example the cat poulation would grow exponential if you don't kill some of the kittens. Its sad but at least drowning kills the kittens fast and they die a mostly painless death.

>>160640
We lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. It was wintertime and if the kittens weren't killed they would have exhausted their skinny mother and died themselves slowly of starvation. Even if their mother had managed to survive feeding them milk, we ourselves had no food to give them and they'd only be adding to the cat overpopulation. It was the 'nice' thing to do at the time. A shelter wasn't an option, they didn't really have shelters in my area back then and we couldn't drive too far due to a lack of money for petrol. I tried desperately to find a home for even one kitten but nobody wanted them.

>>160641
Indeed it wasn't quick enough. We also tried putting bags around their heads and that seemed to make them drift off the most painlessly. The problem with breaking necks etc. is that it's actually hard to do accurately, so you end up with a living creature in agony a lot of the time.

>>160639
Holy fuck anon, are you me?

This may be a long read:

Until December of 2015 I was in a two year long abusive relationship. I hated the sex as it was always really painful but obliged anyway because I was emotionally beaten down to the point where I just felt like a ragdoll, and I knew resisting would just end in tears and anger. I was always verbally abused and humiliated.

We were in a LDR at one point and when I didn't have enough money to come up with a plane ticket, he got very angry and threatened to break up with me, and then told me that I should consider becoming a prostitute because I'm already trash anyway and there was no other way to get the money for a ticket.

After every time he would belittle me and often drove me to the point of self harm and suicidal thoughts, he would comfort me and make it seem like everything was better. But that's the worst part about abusive relationships, they make you feel like they're the only one you can depend on even if they're absolute trash and aid in your self destruction.

We broke up a few months ago however, and I've posted this in another thread before but the worst time in life came around after we broke up. We both started seeing new people, which was fine by me. But once he found out that I was meeting another guy he went into total rage mode. I was on a date with my new love interest and two girls who always kissed his ass in the past took a picture of me with him and sent it to my ex. He then threatened to "ruin my reputation" by "exposing" me and he said that he was planning on dating me in the future and how dare I do this to him. He then decided to bitch about me all over social media, lol. I lost many friends because of him and I still have suicidal thoughts and problems with relationships now because of the mental abuse he put me through.

>>160646
Don't fucking do that.

>General depression/dealing with suicidal thoughts
>Dealing with a suicide in the family
>Molested in school
>Abusive boyfriend who hit me
>Becoming very agoraphobic

Honestly I can't say i've had the worst experiences, though I would say the things I have gone through have been tough. Come out the better end, i'm now stronger than ever, have a job and i'm stable for the most part, with a loving boyfriend. Feelsgoodman.

>>160648
Do what?

I OD'ed on my prescription anti-depressants last winter. I wasn't planning on killing myself, i just wanted to get away from my at the time emotionally abusive lover (we have stopped seeing each other now) and to get away from all the pain he was bringing me. I thought it would just put me to sleep for 2 days, but it just literally made me feel like i was dying so i called 911 and was rushed to the emergency ward to get detoxicated and then ended up at the psychiatric hospital for the night. I had also almost gotten raped the same year, by a manipulative creep who used the shit out of me and i was stupid enough to fall for it. I escaped thou.

The absolutely hardest part about those things is the fact that my parents doesn't know about it. I wouldn't be able to bear their reactions to it, it would either make them both cry and become hysterical or they would completely ignore it, my dad would make a joke about it and my mother would tell me to suck it up and that i only have myself to blame since mental illness and rape is something women just "have to deal with and keep quiet about" according to her.

>sexually and emotionally abused by older sibling since I was born
>experienced domestic abuse between mother and father since a very young age
>had to be a counselor to my alcoholic mother from age 10 onwards
>scapegoat and black sheep of the family
>first real sexual contact with a male included rape but no one believes me
>never learned how to be my own person
>severe depression, anxiety, anorexia nervosa, crippling self-hatred
>told to "just get over it" already

yeah, I wish I could just get over it.

Can anyone else relate here? I've been touched by adults as a child several times but I've never told anyone IRL because it will sound like I'm making this shit up, it's happened so many times (I was also a frumpy socially awkward kid so I have no fucking idea how this stuff even happened, I wore tracksuits and barely spoke to people).

When I was about 4 years old, my female babysitter made me sit in her lap with no underwear on as she held me and we watched cartoons. My vagina and ass were sitting right on her bare leg. I remember at the time feeling really uncomfortable and looking back on it I remember her making a huge effort of putting a blanket over us… Bitch was making sure no one could see but obviously I didn't realize it at the time.

From about the ages 5-7 that same babysitter's brother molested me, would take me to an old abandoned construction site and rub our genitals together, do things to me, make me do things to him… He was also like 19, I think the babysitter was in her 20's.

Then when I was about 9, my older cousin came over to my house one Christmas, and when our parents went out he came in to my sister and myself's room and starting jerking it, trying to get us to touch him, started touching us, eventually he came on us and this went on all night. It happened a few times.

Then when I was like 11ish I went over to my friend's house and her family from South Africa were visiting. We were in her room and her uncles who were I'd say easily in their mid to late 40's came in to "hang out" with us. One lay down on her bed with me, lifted up my pants leg and started rubbing my leg, telling me I was nice but I needed to shave, started lightly touching my crotch and chest a bit.

Another time at this age, my dad's friend started "accidentally" groping my ass and chest when we were in a crowded bar, kept staring at me the whole night.

I have sexual problems nowadays (as in I'm not at all) and it's causing big problems in relationships as you can imagine. But I feel like I can't talk to people about this because I'll sound like a liar, even though this all really happened. Am I alone? Can anyone relate? I feel like a gigantic freak.

>>160653
I can relate and I recently told my GP about it after she asked me what could be causing my sexual dysfunction etc.
She didn't think my experiences counted as CSA, because I wasn't penetrated with a penis specifically and because I didn't tell anyone when it happened. So yeah, I'm never going to tell anyone again. I probably can't even get help for it because it doesn't count as actual traumas apparently.

>>160653
>(I was also a frumpy socially awkward kid so I have no fucking idea how this stuff even happened, I wore tracksuits and barely spoke to people)

That's probably why this could happen tbh. If you were a sunny well adjusted kid with many friends the chance of you telling people as it happened would go up which would make your molesters' confidence on getting away with it go down.

Why not try telling a professional? It'll only sound made up if you start telling random people for no reason, but there's no reason a professional wouldn't try to help you. If you're really worried maybe you could start with the most traumatic and go from there. You wouldn't be the first person who grew up with repressed trauma. Just because you didn't tell anyone at the time, doesn't mean it didn't happen. If your relationship with your sister is good enough, maybe you could talk to her about some of it?

>>160655
Well I hope anon won't have a professional react to them like they did to me. Last thing you want to happen when you open up, is being dismissed.

>>160654
This is my nightmare

>>160655
Yeah I guess that makes sense. I was a very withdrawn kid with no friends really. Still though, every time I get paranoid about this stuff I think "people are going to think I was indicating sexual stuff" because how else could it have happened by so many people? I mean I am the common factor here. But I honestly didn't do anything.
I wish but my sister is in total denial, she is worse than I am in a sense. We grew up in a very stressful household and my dad was physically/emotionally abusive to us all and she won't talk about it either. She is living in another country now and has a boyfriend who wants to come home and see her old life/home and she hides it all from him. Last time I visited she said "please don't ever tell my bf about all the stuff that happened, I don't ever want him to know, I just want to let on I lived an average life".
In all honesty I am very scared about going to a professional because I have had a lot of shit happen actually but all the sexual abuse stuff is just the icing on the "there is no way this all really happened, you're just making this shit up" cake. Makes me so stressed I feel like I'm gonna puke.

>>160657
Yeah it's really annoying. People will believe you if 1 bad thing happened to you, but for some reason it's seen as impossible to just have a lot of bad luck and have multiple things like that happen to you. Why is it so difficult to believe that some people really did have a very shitty past?

>>160637
im not saying people that get raped are ugly or that you are necessarily attractive, but just to hypothesize: less attractive or otherwise less social women might be targeted because the rapist/assaulter feels more confident that they wont tell anyone or that no one will believe them

>>160659
Rapist/assaulters in general seek easy targets: like children/teenagers, mentally ill people, disabled people, secluded people, less social people etc.

worst thing to happen to me:
after breaking up with an ex of 2 years, he called me one day, demanding i come meet him. his voice was not like i have ever heard before. he was commanding me.
i said i cant meet him and he started to get angry and i started to get upset.
he started to say stuff like i will regret this, that my family is so nice it would be such a shame if something bad happened to them (WTF), and that he would make my life so bad i would want to kill myself and that i WOULD kill myself (WTF…)
he is the only person i have ever discussed my suicidcal thoughts to, and yet he was using this vulnerability in such a cruel wicked way.
anyway i was crying and screaming. i forget how i got off the phone call, i probably said something to appease/trick him, and then it was done.
i dont think i met him any time after that and i hope i never do. sometimes i still think he is lurking in the background of my life, watching me, waiting…

>>160656
I meant like a therapist or psychiatrist. any old GP won't have the training to really say what could and couldn't be classified as CSA or otherwise. maybe the same for you too. try someone more qualified in that field than your GP

>>160662
In my country GP's are the first line of help when it comes to mental health, so I'm pretty sure she had training. But I think it's a problem with her character, she seems to have the idea that children can consent.

>>160661
Ew what the fuck. This is like my biggest fear. My ex doing something like this.
What a fucked up individual. I'm sorry you had to go through that, anon.

>>160663
>she seems to have the idea that children can consent
wat. how old were you at the time vs your country's age of consent laws??

anyway, you seem to have the idea that your GP's reaction may not be the norm, so if you can it probably wouldn't hurt to consult another GP

best wishes anon

I've had two really bad things happen to me.

1. I liked keeping to myself all throughout school. I just preferred to sit and daydream a lot and I got bullied for it cause apparently I thought I was "too good to speak to the black kids"(i'm half black wtf. Someone explain to me why tf these kids thought that was the issue. Legit question.) I never straightened my hair so some of the girls were mean af to me so i got low self esteem. I got a lot of depression and I found comfort in working with birds and cats.
I found two gray kittens from a local stray. One became mt special buddy so when he grew up and stayed around I started saving money to get him fixed and whatnot to become officially mine. He had to stay outside in the meantime until then as per my parents' rule. I come home from school one day and come to find the neighbor's dog had killed him. It chewed up his lower body and I went into pieces. I got even more depressed and seriously considered suicide. That cat was my baby and most people saw him as just a cat so I fely stupid as shit for crying so much over him. He was what helped my depression and it sucked knowing how he died. Everytime I see the neighbor's dog running loose I wanna do something before it hurts anything else cause it's so fucking aggressive. Still haven't recovered from the shock.

2. New girl joins the small circle of few friends I do have. We don't get along. She says shit like how no one likes me and how I should just leave. Tells me I should die and constantly makes fun of me yet no one does a thing. She doesn't like how I try to call myself a lady(something I do to remind myself I'm not a piece of shit like she says). She goes on about how bad of a person I am without trying to get to know me. Eventually we call it a truce and shorlty after she breaks that truce and starts up again. No one helps me deal with her when I ask for help so I stay quiet and deal with it.
Everyone sides with her pretty much and I feel like shit because I told them about my depression which took a lot to do. Now this girl is constantly rude to me cause they refuse to bat an eyelash. I'm getting left in the dark a lot now and I feel like I can't trust people at all anymore. I thought these people could help me when I got into my nasty bouts of depression but all they do is turn their backs on me. I'm going back down into am episode of it again but I feel like there's no one I can turn to. I've bee put out of one of my last lines of support cause of this chick.

>>160665
The first instance of abuse was when I was 7. According to the law you can consent from the age of 16 with approval of your parents, and from the age of 18 without approval.

Well to me it's a bit weird that a GP doesn't use the same definitions as the law does for CSA and age of consent.

I'm probably just going to try and contact a psychologist directly, I'm not going to take my chances again. But thank you.

I'm not sure about this. There is no one moment that stands out, but I guess?

1.
18 years old, at a party in my friends house. I was going to sleep in her bed while she and her boyfriend were going to share a bed in her sisters room, some others were going to crash on the couches. I drank a little too much so at 3 am I wanted to sleep (a few too many tequila shots), and I get undressed and just lay down to sleep. While I'm sleeping her boyfriend wakes me up by getting into bed with me, I tell him he's supposed to sleep in a different room (it was dark I thought maybe he just assumed I was his gf?), nope, he grabs me and starts to kiss my neck and tries to get my tank top off and touches me, and I freak out and yell at him to stop while trying to get loose, but I felt super weak 'cause I was still half drunk. He didn't manage to touch anything but my boobs and he didn't get my panties off, and someone actually heard my yelling and came in and pulled him off me. The guy stopping him ended up sleeping in the same bed as me, head where my feet were, and he didn't try anything.

When the first buses started going I went straight home, and a few hours later I saw my friends bf had sent me a text message saying "You liked it ;)"

Fucking ew.

The thing that sucks is that he is friends with my friend group still.
I have other stories like this + an abusive ex. Now I just have the worst time getting intimate with guys without crying or freaking out. Life is great.

>>160668

>The guy stopping him ended up sleeping in the same bed as me, head where my feet were, and he didn't try anything.

He was making sure the dude didn't come back I guess. That's so sweet.

>my friends bf had sent me a text message saying "You liked it ;)"

DISGUSTING! Did you tell his girlfriend about it?

Had an awful family that physically/sexually/mentally/emotional abused me on so many levels, and groomed me to be totally submissive to minimize the torture which resulted in me being an easy target for other predators. When other people hurt me it was of course my fault. My home life ruined everything else and killed any personal and social development so I had no friends and was, at the best of times, totally ignored at school, but sometimes I was also shit on relentlessly.


It fucks me up to this day and those shit heads get to move on and have new families and forget about the kid they shit all over. I was pressured and fed lies so I would never talk to cops or authority figures about anything, because they would think I was a liar and a whiner and I would get punished and be the bad guy in that scenario. In high school though, when I was starting to break down, shortly before I moved out for good, I couldn't stop screaming once when they were physically beating me and dragging me around while kicking me, and the cops got called. Some legal action was taken, but since he was a first time offender, there wasn't any major injuries (I had bruises but I didn't show them the full extent, and there was no blood) the punishment was nothing serious, and afterwards I was in deep shit because he got cuffed at work (though I think he may have lied about this to make me feel bad, IDK if his job would keep him after actually getting cuffed during his shift) and had to show up to court so I tired even harder to keep quiet and be discrete. I found out later that an emergency protective order was issued, but it was hidden from me by family and expired. There are many incidents I could talk about but this one memory in particular is really intrusive right now, every time I picture that little piece of paper in my head I want to scream. In that 6 month span I could have screamed again or made a call or done something but I didn't because I was just trying to get by with minimum problems and they fucking hid a legal document that could have fucking helped me. Even after I knew about it I felt powerless and didn't want to talk to the cops about it because of how much trouble I got in after the last time they came around and because I figured they wouldn't give a shit since that protective order was expired, plus in general being brainwashed to feel worthless and like no one would care enough to help me. I mean, whoever issued it did not even consider the fact that I was a minor that was stuck LIVING with the person they issued it against, so it's not like they read into the case that deeply or gave a fuck about me.


In retrospect, I realize I could have done more, but I was so fucked in the head, and just a kid, I didn't think I had options. My life is better now, but after years of not knowing anything about how to look out for my own mental well being, and just dealing with things by not thinking about them/denying them, I imploded emotionally and started experiencing a ton of intense PTSD symptoms. Now that I'm more informed I know I always had it to an extent, but my mind was so busy dealing with the situation at hand and clinging to those same coping tactics for years after I got out that I never had time to process what happened to me, and once I did I was hit hard with flashbacks and fits of crying and crawling up in the closet under a blanket all day. So, that's where I'm at now. /diary

I was extremely tired and had to gas up my car at 5am in the morning. Left my wallet on top of my car with almost $2500 in cash (months worth of my boyfriends half of the rent I was too lazy to bring to the bank) and all my ID and shit and it fell when I drove off.

I cried because I never lose anything and blamed my boyfriend for paying me in cash because I'm a piece of shit and made him feel bad.

>>160669
I didn't tell her, she knew, I heard them arguing outside after he left the room, so she was probably pretty upset at him. They broke up a couple of months later so I assume he did stuff like this more than once.

My parents divorced, I had to move in with my bitch grandmother and then some weeks later a war broke out in my country. Oh and I also got appendicitis.

Raped and held captive by ex and then later he killed himself. No one believed me since I lived in a small conservative town. I later got hooked on Xanax due to extreme social anxiety from it. A year later, I moved to a city to start new and begin college. Currently in my last year of school, made new friends, and in a longterm relationship but still can't shake off the crippling anxiety and loneliness. I still have flashbacks and heavily rely on adderall to get out of bed in the morning. It's been five years and I don't know if it'll ever go away. Sometimes I feel like I've accepted and forgiven the past but then it creeps up again. I thought that developing a career goal and diligently working towards it would help my PTSD subside but it only masks it. I thought starting fresh, reaching my goal weight, obsessively organizing my room, becoming more social, developing a large sum of savings, learning how to play an instrument, etc would help but I still feel empty and find myself constantly finding new ways to improve myself. Therapy doesn't help because it makes me feel even more like a victim which intensifies the loneliness. I'm terrified that I'll never find closure after being raped by a loved one and I feel guilty for internally obsessing over it.

>>160673
>some weeks later a war broke out in my country
wow, what country?

Nothing too bad, but I'd say these:

1. My father abandoned me before I was born and later fathered a son 10 or so years younger than me. I knew about it relatively early on but I waited until he was 18 to make contact. I was really nervous (I'm a shy, anxious person) so I took ambien and xanax to send the messages on fb. I think I came across as completely autistic and weird. I don't know, I refuse to read the messages. Anyway, we exchanged a few and I wanted to talk to him more and he said he would get back to me but never did. I ruined my chance at a relationship with my lost brother.

Normally this wouldn't be too awful but I was always the weird black sheep of my family and I always thought maybe the other side would be a little bit more like me. I always wanted to have a nice sibling relationship (I don't with my other half siblings) so it was really painful that this didn't work out.

2. I found my bf's journal where he wrote a lot of mean things about me.

My father went to prison after raping someone and all my friends stopped being allowed over (by their parents). My mom went crazy, started stealing shit, told me how she was going to gas me and my siblings in our sleep, and how men wanted to fuck and hurt me because I was pretty (I was 9 at the time, I cut off my hair, woke baggy clothes, anything to make me less attractive). She also said she would drive off a bridge when we (the kids) would fall asleep when we went to visit my father. One of my brothers molested me. The other brother was in rehab for a year, then came back and od'd on herion when he was 16 and I 14. I got on Paxil for depression and it made me extremely suicudal and slightly psychotic. Drs would not take me off pills because they were "helping my disorders from developing further". Hospital social worker told me I was borderline when I was 15 so no hope and I was incurable. Took myself off psych drugs and therapy at 17 and those problems went away. Tried to go to tramua therapist who when I asked about what type of trauma she encountered she looked me up and down and said "some people feel traumatized from falling down on the sidewalk". Got forcibly hospitalized after running away from what I thought was an abusive home, but no social workers believed me because I was bitchy and had a psych history, despite my brother being taken away at one point Bc my mother beat him with a baseball bat. When I was arrested after sleeping on the street (my mom called the cops on the family I was staying with) I was treated like absolute shit and had a panic attack, ruining any chance of anyone listening to me because I was so panicked. Probably the most humiliating moment of my life. I had to apologize to my parents (my father was out of prison at this point) and sign a fucking contract to get out of the psych ward too. Gave up on any trauma/general support and starting abusing Xanax and alcohol ~16. I'm not sure of the exact timeline, because benzo-blasted. And here I am now, trying to not abuse. Weed helps. God this feels good to type out. I'm good now btw, beside the occasional depersonalization, got a really good scholarship and am moving away in August, God bless.

>>160677
Wow that sounds fucked up.I'm sorry that your childhood was screwed up by your crazy family

My father raped me for 10 years, and my whole family knew it was going on but ignored it. Apart from my mother, she knew and resented me for it. When he would get drunk and beat me, she'd fuel it by yelling at me.

When I reached 15, he was beating her really bad and I was scared about what might happen to her, so I sprayed him in the face with deodrant and bit a chunk out of his leg while my mother was shrieking and screaming. He went straight to the police, and I was taken away and put into a holding cell. I never said anything about the abuse, but said I only did it because I was worried for my mother. He didn't press charges and I was released, then social services got involved. Because I was underage, it was a choice of - I go into care, mother stays with father, or my mother got assistance to find a home me and her could live in together.

She chose him, after I defended her. They're still together now as far as I know

>>160677
oh my god anon. well im glad you're turning things around. keep it up

>emotionally and physically abused by brother, npd mother and grandma for as much of my life as i can remember
>now suffer psychotic depression, anxiety, anorexia, possible bpd (in process of being diagnosed)
>still living with my mum at 18 and unable to work or attend education because of my episodes
>she refers to them as "tantrums", beats me for them occasionally, and generally just tells me i need to grow up and get out of her house
>could probably be sectioned but don't admit to things that could get me in there
>tried to self-recover and failed as my mum just hid food from me and accused me of binging when i tried to eat more. nice.jpg. told me she couldn't afford all this food but somehow affords to be morbidly obese, buy herself expensive clothes and bet on fucking horses.

tl;dr my family has very literally driven me insane to the point where i'm completely dependent on them

so, how would you guys like it if you had a forum of people bringing up the worst moments of your life over and over again, tagging your name with it and everyone you know like you guys do with these cows online? How would you feel if a group forum were holding over your head for years and ruining your life with it while making you relive your worst moments over and over again? By reading what most of you felt and are feeling now, you would probably commit suicide if you had someone doing to you what you are doing to others on these forums. Most of you seem dependent on some kind of prescription drug to get by after experiencing these horrible situations, so how would you like it if you had someone making you relive those horrible things while continuing to deal with the internal pain? You all want pity while you bash others on the /pt/ forum that have gone through some really horrible things that even parallel what you all have been through as well. Did the trauma shut you all down emotionally? It's cruel for you to know what pain is, yet dish it out and use others' traumas as a tool to hurt them and ruin their lives. Think about it. How would you feel if the most painful thing in your life was thrown in your face with intent to ruin your life?

>>160682
You're equating rape and other horrible traumas to people being mean to you on the Internet. You know what I would do? Log off. Close my laptop. Go outside. No one's forcing anyone to be here.

>>160683what I said flew over your head.how about we put the worst moment of your life tagged under your real name and people harassing you with it online and real life?

>>160682
>>160684
Hahahaha Nigga Just Walk Away From The Screen Like Nigga Close Your Eyes Haha

>>160685with an immature response like that, it shows me that i had a point.when shit happens to you guys, you just reach for the pills and get thrown in the mental wardsclose your eyes and just walk away from your painnnnnn don't write about it onlineeeeeeeeewalk awayyy from the screeen next time you get out of the mental wards

>>160685karma's a bitch and it's coming for you. :)

I see by reading why you guys are such asshole bullies.. your moms beat you, your dads raped you, in and out of mental wards... etc. It shows our medical system doesn't help because you get out and start vomiting your shit and attacking other people. Shame on you.

>>160686
>>160687
>>160688
>all this projection
lmao

i didn't know they let you have computers in the mental ward, bpd-chan

>>160689all you people do is project your shit onto others and state it as fact on this sitewhy so hypocritical?

>>160690
so which thread is about you

>>160682

I'd never make fun of someones rape or traumatic event. I will make fun of someone scamming people, horrible shop, and stupidity though.

>>160637
Because people are fucked up and fucked up things happen to the young and vulnerable pretty often. Children often don't tell adults when they get molested.
I had a funny thought once in high school, like how lucky it was that I seemed to avoid molesters in my childhood. Then I remembered my grandma's husband, only reason that fat bastard didn't rape me was because I was too old (10) and my mother never left me alone with him. And then my friend's stepdad groping me when I was like 14, ew. obligatory sorry 4 blog post.
I still think my breakup + the fallout was the worst thing that happened to me.

>>160688
You do realize that the cows have a mutual relationship with the farmers right? No one on here has made one mistake and then are talking about. The cows are attention seeking and then the farmers give them attention. If the cows just became normal people and got off the internet, they wouldn't be discussed. Why are you on this thread right now, just wondering? Gossiping is human nature, do you ever shit talk about your friends? If anything, discussing strangers who knowingly put themselves out there on the Internet is less socially damaging. If you do/have ever gossiped, well, that's definitely related to tramua and you're extremely ill and emotionally dead.

>>160682
I was the girl who was sexually harassed/molested like 5 times and honestly if people started doing that I would just get off the computer or avoid those sites. It's not hard and wouldn't make me feel bad because it's just personal vendetta for whatever reason, I think most people don't think it's very funny to make a hate site over someone for being molested as a child so it wouldn't catch much attention anyway.
I'm also not retarded and wouldn't fuel the flames of said hate site either and give them something to work with. Most people we talk about here are so stupid they don't seem to realise that if you just lie low for a while when that shit starts, people will stop and forget about you. Just look at Quirky's thread, she eventually figured it out herself and magically the hate stopped.

>>160688
Other people doing stupid things and others pointing out/laughing about their stupidity is not other people being toxic lel. Again if they were smart, people would stop. But these idiots are so egotistical that they can't abandon their pride for a small amount of time and recognise they can't stop people talking about them online.
No one attacks anyone on this site, we observe. A huge rule is generally not to get directly involved with the lolcows. It's much funnier when they make themselves look like idiots, anyway.

Wow, apparently every second farmer was "almost raped" or almost "molested" as a little girl…

Oh I remember when I was little my uncle touched my pants, oh not to molest me of course. I was simply too stupid to put it on, on my own at that age.

I guess that is the case for most farmers who were "molested" or "almost raped" in this thread.

Anyway the worst that has ever happened to me?

Well there was one thing that went kinda wrong but I got the last laugh at the end.

>Me and bf know each other for about a month or so.
>Bitchfriend recently broke up with her bf because "muh freedumbs"
>Bf and I suddenly hate each other.
>A week after break up, bitchfriend doesn't even think a second about me and seduces my former bf.
>What do I do? I do the same with her former bf.
>They didn't even last a week, while me and her bf fuck regulary like rabbits. Not to mention he has a bigger apartment and is more open minded and confident than my boyfriend ever was.

After all everything worked out for me.

Sort of benign I guess since it doesn't affect me now but my ex boyfriend in high school spread rumors about me, like saying I liked scat and being tied up and peed on and that he was a ~poor guy overwhelmed~ so he broke things off with me. It really alienated the """"feminist"""" girls in our circle of friends from me, even though it was all bullshit and we never had sex because he cheated on me early on in the relationship.

Also not really an event but having really dense, uneducated, flat out difficult and controlling ass parents has made my life 10x harder than it has to be.

>>160696
seriously how old are you?

>>160698
That's a robot, anon.

>>160698
>>160696

Hey I just have a boyfriend who really cares about me. Not my problem if you're not able to do some basic human communication or if you're just plain ugly.

Hah~ it feels good to be truely loved by someone. He buys me everything I want and he only has eyes for me!

>>160700
no seriously how old are you because i feel like i'm missing out on all the bf/gf thing
:(

>>160704

Hey not my problem that you're not as good looking and sucessful as I am. Though jealousy won't help you either.

>>160702

22

>>160701

Haaaaah~~~

>>160705
wtf are you on about you nut

At 15 was loaded up on alcohol and drugs and raped by my bf at the time, was also when I lost my virginity while his ex who he cheated on me with and was much older sent me abuse everyday through phone and online messages, went to the police about it. Nothing happened
Tfw a few years later my bestfriend at the time started dating him and are still together I think. I tried to kill myself a few times and self harmed, those that saw my arms made fun of me.

Years after that, just after I finished Highschool and the day after Father's Day my dad died, still, struggle with it. Then just before my 21st my Uncle who was basically the only family member who communicated well with me and had the same interests and taught me lots of things killed himself, 2 weeks after my birthday my granpda dies, few months later and my grandpa on the other side dies.
Everyone I was close too died all within a few years of eachother and it really fucked me up, tried to OD on my anti depressants, was just comatose and ill af for a few days. Spent the last year or two getting my life back together, met my current bf and moved to Netherlands to live with him and I'm starting to feel a lot better.