File: 1742935892658.jpg (46.77 KB, 650x536, 1000000852.jpg)
No. 38902
She was a terrible mother, but now that I'm an adult she's a good friend.
I can see now that she was desperately trying to keep her own head above water when I was young, and wasn't in a position to provide the support I needed. Now she's got less stress in her life, I'm capable of looking after myself and don't need as much from her, we get along well.
I always thought my brother was her favourite but it was just that his flaws aligned better with hers than mine did, if that makes sense. She had so many things to worry about at any given time that she forgot about us a lot. Promises she had made, things we needed for school, etc. My brother was impatient and would nag her over and over which served to remind her so he usually did get what he needed. I patiently held my tongue and waited for her to remember on her own, which she never did. If I had been better at advocating for myself it would have made a huge difference.
I've made my peace with the difficulties we had with each other in my youth, and while I will try to learn from them and do a better job with my own children, I don't hold them against her.
No. 39529
>>38891i don't to talk to her. she was an
abusive alkie when i was a kid, and it only continued into my 20s (i cut her off around 25). i told her i would talk again if she goes to rehab. she still hasn't. i want to make space for her, but it must be reciprocal. her eldest sister says she trembles after a few days of not drinking. i find it tremendously sad, to be honest. why does she need alcohol more than she needs a viable relationship with me? maybe she will die without me ever knowing. whenever she reaches out it feels like a trap. i've suspected more recently that she never wanted to be a mom. a few times she told me her relationship with my dad was my fault for being born and maybe it was like that back then. i won't pretend women's rights have been going well, and there's probably a lot unrecorded because men don't give a shit about the hell they inflict on women and make great efforts to conceal this, well… sometimes.
for my own sanity, i really cannot put myself in a situation where she can threaten suicide or lash out at me physically for emotional leverage if she refuses to do any work towards, succinctly, not doing that kind of thing. i gave it a good 15 years (from 12) or so. nowadays i find peace over our deteriorated relationship in my grandmothers, my aunts, my friends, and women in the knitting circle, silly though it may sound. i learned a lot from her, just not necessarily positive lessons (a bad example is still a lesson). mother's day is always a little weird emotionally for me, but i usually just gift things to the other wonderful mothers in my life. this year i did shareable plants (or, plants that propagate well) in little pots that were evocative of the women i gifted them to (pottery sets/styles they like, shells, etc).
No. 40669
I'm really curious about the relationships with their moms other anons here have
For me I have lifelong chronic health conditions due to the terrible abuse and neglect. Many times I still curse that I was ever born. Why do we live? Is it just to suffer? I cut her off and moved out several years ago, and my life has flourished more pretending I'm an orphan than when I was under their roof. Its foreign to me when people miss their moms or need them for comfort. Whenever I was going for surgery or near death, I just pictured Jesus, God or Buddha welcoming me home. I never considered my mom.
Lately I've been forgiving her because even if this life sucks in a lot of ways, I'm still here and I might as well make the most of it - plus, as a mature adult I can't just hold a grudge and blame my parents forever. I actually think I'm better than a lot of people now. Financially and professionally accomplished in spite of lack of support and physical health. I am doing very well in many areas that others with a lot more than me struggle with. And I have pretty healthy and nurturing relationships, because I have spent years being my own mom and never being allowed to act out or think anyone is coming to save me. I see lots of people who have close relationships with their families just act like assholes or are mental cases but they might call ME a doormat.
Well, I just wanted to say, it's hard to blame my mom. I am grateful for how my life has turned out. And even if I cut her off, I realized, she let me go. She didn't stalk me or try to kill me (yes the bar is that low) and third, I've been able to handle people because she prepared me for the worst and the neglect taught me that everything is earned and nothing should be taken for granted. These lessons have served me pretty well. Aside from the literal crippling health issues, the fear and trauma lead me to becoming pretty successful and well adjusted. So I don't know what to say about my mom. She's just another human being on this planet.