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>How is your relationship with your dad?
Really, really good. We hang out a lot, we travel together, I'm probably never going to leave home because I don't want to leave my parents.
>Was he a good man? What little things did he do when you were growing up do you remember and appreciate now?
I don't remember him ever yelling at me or getting seriously mad. He took great pains to ensure I worked hard at school and made university my goal, but when I didn't end up liking uni and dropped out he never said a bad word. He's never, ever made me feel bad about myself and compliments me often (and always about 'real' things, he doesn't talk about my appearance except to say nice outfit or something), he's interested in everything I do and say, he's never pressured me to get married or have kids even though it's obvious I won't. He always wants to spend time with me and will inconvenience himself for me without question. He pretty much believes in spoiling his children in principle. His logic is that if he can make our lives easy and comfortable, he should. So he lets us stay at home to save money, he pays my sister an allowance while she's at university, he always shouts outings and trips, he helps us with anything and everything and we actually turned out to be pretty hard workers (if not all that independent).
>Do you respect your father? Was he a good looking man? Was he a pillar of his community, or an embarrassment to your family?
Yeah, I don't think of him as good looking because that's weird but he's a 6'4 high ranking firefighter and very socially adept. I wouldn't call him a community oriented guy, he's very introverted even if he has the social skills to be outgoing.
>How did your father affect the person you are today?
100%, I feel like I'm well adjusted because of him. I have the opposite of daddy issues.
>If your father was good, why?
See the second question. He's also just really hilarious and fun to be with.
>If your father was terrible, why?
Well, I feel like he has always been great towards his family. But he's a total snob and utilitarian to a fault. Classist, racist (I'd be straight up disowned if I was with a black or muslim guy), sexist (we had an argument about feminism one day and now we just avoid talking about it), homophobic. Really bothers me sometimes but it doesn't impact his interactions with his daughters too much, eg he complains about quotas for female firefighters giving them unfair advantages then encourages us to apply kek.
My relationship with my dad has always been off in a way that I can't really articulate. When I was young he was rarely around between work and going to college. I remember very little of him participating in my childhood, and the memories I do have are of him getting frustrated with me or having a stern talk with me. My mom and dad hated each other from as far back as I can remember, they didn't laugh together or have any form of intimacy. So they predictably broke up when I was in high school. Since then I've kind of ghosted my dad off and on. He just never seems proud of me or even really happy to see me when i do bother coming around. He's always got something negative to say about my appearance, career, boyfriends, ect. He's never bought me a birthday or holiday gift, or even a card, whereas I've always tried to at least bring him something when I do see him, even if I can't afford it for myself.
Recently, I cut him off entirely. I did this for a few reasons, but sometimes I find myself questioning if I overreacted or if I was wrong. Essentially it comes down to the fact that I'm getting married soon and I can't see my dad walking me down the aisle. Our last conversation involved him accusing me of stealing a credit card of his (which I did not, and would not). He's always treated me like less of a daughter and more of a unwelcome guest and I just don't even think he really cares about me. He's always had this idea of who I am in his mind as someone I have never and will never be. And it crushes me that I didn't get a dad who could show me love and respect. It crushes me that if I keep in contact with my father, I will be opening myself up to ridicule and disappointment. I probably won't let him back into my life but I wish I could.
I've had his number blocked for over a year now and I stay up at night worrying about what he thinks of me. I try to pretend I don't care, but I do, and I know that by blocking him out, I'm 'proving him right'. He thinks I'm a shitty daughter, and I am, but I'm just so sick of being hurt by him.
My Dad was in the Navy so he wasn't around much growing up. My Mom was almost like a single mother in a lot of ways. She was the one who made food for my sister and I, the one who got us ready for school, who did fun things with us, who disciplined us and was our shoulder to cry on. I started dealing with mental health issues around age 8 and she was the one who got me help and participated in my treatment, something my father has never done. When he came home from being out to sea and tried to assert his authority I almost always felt like "Who are you to tell me what to do? You aren't even around."
When he was around he yelled, cursed, sometimes mocked or criticized me and I remember him punching a hole in my door once. So naturally I didn't like to be around him much. I learned to be quiet and stay out of his way. To this day he's very emotionally immature and seems to have no awareness of his pathology or his impact on others. He blames others, makes hurtful little comments when he feels defensive, and rarely ever acknowledges my accomplishments.
I always felt really jealous of girls who had close, loving relationships with their fathers. I think it's a source of a lot of my mental health issues now. It really hurts to feel abandoned by and like you can never be good enough for the one man in your life who is supposed to love you unconditionally.
I will say that he's not all bad. He's very intelligent in his field, he's funny, and I enjoy doing stuff with him on occasion like going to the movies. But I recently moved out and I can't tell you what a relief it is to be able to relax in my own home and not worry about jumping out of my skin because he's started yelling about something silly.