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I used to be pretty frumpy and stewed in that for several years. But now that I'm taking care of myself and feel confident enough to consider approaching boys on my level, I find most of them are disappointing.
I usually sleuth through a guy's socials before making a move, and so far they've been:
>a stoner party boy
>a religious nut
>a person who condones child abuse
I think for me it's part bad luck and part that my preference goes hand in hand with religion, so it's just probability that a large chunk will sadly be a lost cause. The stoner genuinely shocked me, though.
So, I'm not going with the "men are shit" reason, I just think people in general are pretty troubled. I've met a lot of women that are unstable and who I wouldn't want to hypothetically date, either.
Attractiveness probably plays some part in attracting guys on the street, but men actually have a wider range of preferences than we give them credit for. The decent ones you want are more lax, anyway.
Being more outgoing would probably help, if not for dates then just for your own self improvement. Along with getting a "better personality." If you're constantly negative and mean to innocents irl it would help everyone for you to do some self reflection. And you can cure "being boring" by losing yourself in your interests, which may distract you from your loneliness anyway.
Of course this is all advice from a fellow lonely gal, so take it with a grain of salt. I just know how to cope now.
This thread may be better in /g/ btw.
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I'm an ugly and socially retarded NEET. No man could be attracted to me except for ones who would want to degrade and humiliate me. Such is life.
said, it’s bacially just luck.
I’m very ugly and awkward with high standarts and I met a guy who’s very kind and good looking and into the same things as me. We have been together for 2 years so never lose hope.
I’d say being rare or “niche” in your looks/interests helps a bit.
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I grew up in a household with a drunk catholic dad that would constantly berate the women in our family. The constant vitriol that (still) comes out of his mouth put me off being personal to guys for most of my life so far.
After highschool I had one boyfriend for a week or so (we knew each other in hs but he was two years older) and broke it off because the thoughts running in my head were things like
>his ex was a better person than you
>he’ll hate you because you don’t have a job
>why make someone else drive you around everywhere
>you’re just going to wind up depending on him and offer nothing back
I feel better now and know to ignore my family but I’m still really timid and isolate myself
everyone's standards are so normal, get ready for some actually mental ones
>tall>either korean, japanese, chinese, or danish/swedish and blonde>has a good job, ambition, works hard>enjoys keeping the house tidy and doing chores>good cook>exercises>thin, fit and not overly muscular>doesnt use cannabis>has a mellow, passive, laid-back personality (almost a pushover or doormat)>doesnt want kids
this would be ideal, i dont ever expect to get anyone that perfect tbh
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back in my younger retail days, I used to work with a pair of conventionally attractive guys who both admitted they had feelings for me
didn't pursue any of them because my autistic ass was more concerned with roleplaying online
i regret it every day, over five years later i've yet to hold a job with any attractive, younger dudes to talk to whatsoever. i fucked up
When I was 19 my friends encouraged me and said that one day I'll meet a nice guy, "because I deserve it". Nearly four years later I'm still a kissless virgin, so maybe I actually should lower my standards lol>my height or taller (5'10)>slim with some muscle tone>conventionally attractive>charming smile>not Black, Arab or Latino>no beard>longish hair>clear skin>not a stoner or drug addict>no SJW or somebody who's too much into politics>would be cool if he plays an instrument or is at least into rock>willing to wait until I'm ready for sex>doesn't need to be rich or super hardworking, but at least going somewhere in life>no mental issues>easygoing>not clingy or romantic
The last point might sound weird, but whenever I see a couple who can't keep their hands (and mouths) off of each other or if the guy is super emotional (crying, etc) I feel like this is what I would want the least. Just occasionally meeting up and doing something together would be enough for me lol
That’s like my bare minimum. Trust me, yours aren’t high. >>87340>must earn enough to match my lifestyle>well educated and eloquent >handsome and physically fit, 6’1+>a good family who he gets on with, preferably close but not dependent >no crazy exes >no commitment issues, no prior history of cheating, absolutely zero lying, no red flags essentially>must like to travel, and be okay with long flights>must like to read, analyze fiction, and enjoy respectful debates>no drugs, drinking is okay if socially/maturely>cannot be Republican, support Trump>must support universal healthcare, voting rights, immigrants, and free education >would be nice if he smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, and goes to the range like my dad so they can bond>impeccable manners>happy to settle down with a house and kids in the near future>enjoys but is not addicted to: video games, tv shows, books, etc>absolutely no addictions>vegetarian >supports traditional manners and polite etiquette, opens doors, stands when people enter room, etc>ambitious and devoted to work, has dreams of his own that he’s committed too>ideally blonde or ginger so I can pass my ginger genes on, blue or green eyes, lean muscle>well-groomed, except on legs/chest/pubes, and very well-dressed. Must care about his appearance and wear well-fitted, well-made clothes>tidy but doesn’t have to do chores or cook>must like all animals, especially cats and dogs. Super bonus points if vet or works with animals in some capacity >must appreciate a tidy and beautiful home filled with nice furniture and decorations. My home looks like a magazine. I’d like someone who appreciates that and doesn’t dismiss is (cough ex cough)>understands politics but doesn’t sperg about them >no collectibles unless they are books, games, movies, or very very well made figures (NO pop vinyls at all ever full stop)>likes board games>mostly vanilla in bed, loving and sensitive, sex at minimum 4 times a week>generous with money but understands how to save. Not a cheapskate but doesn’t compulsively buy either>NO FASTFOOD EVER. It is disgusting, makes cum taste like absolute garbage, and I don’t want a partner who dies at 50
There’s more but I think I’m done. Basically, must fit into my life without any drama or issues. Must be similar to myself and my family, must have a similar lifestyle. I know I’m desirable. I’ve dated before and know what didn’t work. I get plenty of offers. But I watched my mum go through a painful divorce and now she’s with an amazing guy so I know compatibility exists and you shouldn’t settle. I’d rather be alone than be with someone subpar. Honestly, I don’t expect to be alone. Love is blind which is why I won’t even entertain a relationship with anyone not meeting these criteria. I’ve done it before, I got in deep with underserving guys, and I’m not interested in doing it again (hence rejecting the numerous offers that come my way).
Man I knew it was going to look like shit but I didn't expect it to be that
nightmare inducing wow
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god you sound exhausting. not from how you describe your ideal man but from how you describe yourself.
let me guess- you have balayage hair
No, I don’t. >>87356
Socially with the guys during Sunday dinners, not all of the damn time. Its not going to kill him at fifty to occasionally smoke a cigar and have two fingers worth of whiskey
Fast food wasn’t in my life at all growing up. I haven’t eaten it since my last relationship ended about eight months ago. It’s really not hard to abstain. And by “fast food” i mean chains like McDonalds and Taco Bell. Not French fries at a proper restaurant.
Besides, my ex used to eat fast food all the god damn time and it made his cum taste absolutely vile. That shit was traumatic. That’s obviously why I’m turned off by man-babies who think two McDoubles and a milkshake is a dinner. I was being hyperbolic about “NEVER” it’s just so fucking aggravating to me.
I saw his credit card statement once (while doing paperwork shit) and it was literally >Taco Bell>McDonalds>Taco Bell>Panda Express>Taco Bell>sushi>GOD FUCKING DAMN TACO BELL>Jack in the Box>McDonalds
He was lean and looked physically fit but I cringe at thinking what a greasy crunch wrap for breakfast was doing to his body. His credit card statement looked like that of a teenager. It was honestly a problem for me. >>87362
It was awful. Truly. I gag on the memory. >>87364
A woman having standards and knowing their ideals, what a pain! Nothing I wrote was out of the realm of possibility and a lot of it is just ideological, like vegetarianism, which really factors into a compatible lifestyle. I think it’s funny that OP asked for our standards and women are expected to go “oh nice and funny!” Like the women above me. When someone comes on who has seriously dated before and knows exactly what will work for her, she’s told she’s a pain in the ass and her compatible partner doesn’t exist. Newsflash: not all men are incompetent and being nice isn’t exceptional behavior. Women should have higher standards than just “doesn’t beat me or cheat on me, and likes me!!” Y’all need some better self-esteem
You guys are kinda pathetic trying to play the guessing game. Yeah I’m desirable and yeah I have a nice home. Sorry admitting that triggered
you. You guys have got
to work on your self esteem. It’s telling that a woman who knows what she wants is so upsetting for you and is causing you to lash out with childish insults about my non-existent bangs and glasses.
It’s not about a woman having standards it’s that anybody with a list 20 items long of characteristics they demand in a partner is being unrealistic and comes across like they’ve never interacted with adult humans before.
Give the big quasi-feminist speech a rest and consider that normal adults who have relationships didn’t seek partners who fit a lengthy and arbitrary checklist.
You’re putting huge value in things that could easily be compromised in a real adult relationship. Grownups care more about who’s doing the dishes than someone having a dumb figurine on their desk.
You sound incredibly immature and inexperienced and I’m guessing it’s because you’re very young.
>>87373>Grownups care more about who’s doing the dishes than someone having a dumb figurine on their desk.
Except I’m willing to do the dishes, and all the housework. I enjoy chores. I’ve been the one to do them in the past and I’ll be the one to do them in the future, unless he likes doing them too. Then we can do together! But it’s not a requirement
for him to do anything in the home chore wise.
Also I was making a joke about how ugly pop vinyls are. Cause they’re hideous. I explicitly said “collection”. One or two is obviously fine. I just don’t want to live with someone who has a wall filed with them.
You seriously tried to pick apart my list because it bothered you so much I wasn’t a humble good woman writing like the above posters did. I know what works for me. I know what compatibility looks like. I know what I can compromise on and what drives me crazy. You’re not me and you’re clearly not my future partner, so I don’t get why you’re so invested in trying to put me down for my list when it’s clear you’re just trying to blow it out of proportion because you’re insecure. I even said “ideally” and “would be nice” because a lot of the list isn’t a hard-fast dealbreaker unless I said “must.” It’s a guideline of what I’m looking for.
Lmao, you’re determined to make this some feminist diatribe when it’s about you being emotionally immature.
Good luck with your list. Maybe one day you’ll find a perfect 10/10 waifu you’re after, legbeard.
i dont think she sounds young. she just sounds like she has a huge stick up her ass, but that's okay. >>87374
nta, but i agree with you about figurines and shit, and not just funko pops, literally any. you sound like your priorities are in the wrong place wrt quite a bit of it, and you sound like an annoying elitist that's a chore to be around, but i'm glad you are secure in yourself enough to not settle. i don't think we should be telling women to settle. women do enough of that shit already. >>87375
she really doesn't sound like a legbeard. she sounds like a normie as fuck careerist/basic bitch with high standards.
imo she sounds like those redpill dudes who say ‘I work so I deserve a 10/10 virgin housewife who never ever disagrees with me’
Standards are great. Everyone has them. When your standards become a list of over twenty items it’s just pedantic dreaming from someone who’s never had an adult relationship.
I don’t mean to be an elitist. I’ve dated people who made absolutely no money and it was just a bitch. Either I felt guilty for how I lived, they tried to keep up and made stupid decisions, or I had to stop doing the things I liked (primarily travel). And I can’t deal with the stress of them not knowing where their next paycheck is coming from or if they’re going to work enough hours to split the bills. I don’t want them to feel like a burden or for them to take advantage. I need stability and equality. It’s not like I’d sit there comparing our incomes, but at a certain point it just becomes argument fodder and frustrating for both people. You can tell when you both earn a similar amount just based on your lifestyles. I want someone who has a steady income and isn’t in a state of despair about their finances. That’s what I mean by “lifestyle” and I really really don’t think that’s too much to expect.
And god damn do women settle. I mentioned it before but my mum settled for my dad. And it was painful. Their marriage was painful. Their divorce was painful and to this day it’s just ugh. So I know when I want kids and I want a future with someone, I’m aiming for compatibility above all else.
the income isn't the elitist part. it's more this shit:>would be nice if he smokes cigars, drinks whiskey, and goes to the range like my dad so they can bond>supports traditional manners and polite etiquette, opens doors, stands when people enter room, etc>must appreciate a tidy and beautiful home filled with nice furniture and decorations. My home looks like a magazine. I’d like someone who appreciates that and doesn’t dismiss is (cough ex cough)>NO FASTFOOD EVER. It is disgusting, makes cum taste like absolute garbage, and I don’t want a partner who dies at 50>must like to read, analyze fiction, and enjoy respectful debates
i dont think a lot of your stuff is unrealistic, it's just that you sound like a really boring, condescending person, but i think it only makes sense for those people to specifically seek out other people that are similar. the fast food evverrrrr sperging is uptight and hyperbolic, and really, you just sound unlikable is more the problem than the actual list, imo. how old are you, out of curiosity?>>87378
i dont see that. i think she just sounds bratty and elitist and SUPER fucking WASPy, but not like, legbeardy. and i think she maybe confused 'standards' with 'ideal partner' because the list is supposed to be of 'musts' and she included a number of 'ideally's or 'would be nice', etc
>>265913>It would be nice
It’s just a nice thought because one of my exes did and it was really nice. It’s obviously not required or a deal breaker. Just nice
And I don’t see how liking guys who reads etc is elitist kek. And if you don’t enjoy friendly
debates (not just slinging insults) you’re gonna have a shit time at my family’s get togethers.
Also the fastfood sperging was a god damn joke, as was saying I gag at the thought of fast food cum. If you actually thought I was serious about being traumatize, like wow. LI don’t want a guy who eats fast food for every meal. And I don’t wanna swallow shit tasting cum. ~drama~ Idk why everyone gets so serious on here. It’s a list that I wouldn’t share with anyone irl that I wrote for fun based on what would be nice
. I want a man who doesn’t eat shit food. Is that really such a high standard?
It’s so weird so many anons would take so much offense to it when I didn’t even think anyone would respond to begin with. I mean, it’s helpful for me because it’s making me self-reflect and analyze my preferences but I don’t know y’all are getting out of it. Its just a list based on what I know were issues in my past relationships and what I’m looking for going forward. >>87380>because the list is supposed to be of 'musts' and she included a number of 'ideally's or 'would be nice', etc
For the musts, I put “must.” But yeah most of it is just ideals not dealbreakers. My standard of what would be ideal kek. I’m not patrolling fucking vet clinics looking for a vet to bone. It would just be nice
and really fitting if he was a vet.
I think a lot of the list probably required background that I didn’t consider when pumping it out and a few anons misunderstood what I wrote and jumped at the chance to insult me which is whatever but a waste of time.
Just writing the list in a different way>My whole family is vegetarian. If you’re not, it’s gonna be a bad time for you. >My whole family lives overseas. If you ever plan on meeting them, be prepared to pay for a plane ticket and travel. My traveling is non-negotiable.>Probably relevant sidenote but I have parents with OCD. We (my siblings, my parents, me) take a lot of pride in our homes. A lot of people don’t give a shit how their house looks. Cool, good for them. But I want a partner who does. I want someone who likes coming home to a beautiful living space that’s clean and inviting. I get actual anxiety if my house is messy. And if I spent a lot of time doing something around the house, it means a lot to get praise for it (like sanding down and painting furniture). >If you don’t read and if you don’t like discussing media, we probably won’t have a lot in common.>I have pets, my family has pets. If you don’t like animals, you’re going to have a bad time.>If you don’t make enough money to pay rent and you’re insecure about it, you’re going to have a bad time.>If you hate immigrants. I am one. So we will both have a very toxic and bad time.>If you dont believe in universal healthcare, given my field of work, god damn are we both going to have a shit time.>If you collect copious amounts of figurines, especially like Funkpop, I hope you’re prepared for them to be somewhere not on display. >If you eat fast food for every meal instead of healthy, home cooked food, I’m going to question your judgment, capabilities, and tastes. It’s a bad choice, makes blowjobs way less enjoyable for me, and is immature.>If you have a crazy ex, I’m going to assume you have bad judgment and I don’t want to deal with that fall out. >I don’t care about your race or ethnicity. It would be cool if you’re blonde or ginger because it would be cool if I had a redhead like my mum. But otherwise it’s completely whatever for me. >I’m tall. Everyone in my family is tall. Trust me, you don’t want to be the only one under 5’11 in our family photos. >I don’t like receiving oral but I love giving it. >I don’t expect you to do any of the housework but I don’t mind if you do. >I don’t care how long you work, as long as you’re not taking work stress out on me. >number of kids is negotiable but I do want kids in the future. >if you don’t have good manners, you’re going to be absolutely fucked when you meet my family. I don’t care what you’re like when we’re in private or with friends, but good manners are essential for a lot of different times
And just thought of another one>must be nice to service staff
Being rude to people, especially people just trying to do their job, is a big dealbreaker for me.
no, they don't. most women i know would rather rub one out a million times over than have sex with people they don't care for for the sake of having sex. that's entirely the reason why robots are so disgruntled, because women don't typically just settle for any warm dick. the appeal of sex is largely emotional for me and i prefer someone like that. i don't just want to have sex with any 'attractive' men bc i'm horny or w/e >>87390
i specifically required someone submissive. it's not like i ever expected to stroll down to the local bar and find a guy like this. the requirement was not that they never have masturbated in their lives, just that they don't masturbate if we're dating/engaged/married. if they're submissive, it isn't a crazy request.>>87389
idk why she thinks it's so unrealistic when i'm already with someone like that. apparently it wasn't all that unrealistic.
You’re the only one here who has been offended anon. Pointing out why I think you’re immature isn’t slinging insults. You’re desperately trying to turn this into something it’s not.
You were mildly criticised and have spent hours defending a silly little list of traits in an imaginary man. Especially if you’re basing this list of of your one bad ex.
Once you’ve experienced a real relationship you’ll hopefully see why this massive list has been a source of entertainment, but you’ll need far thicker skin if you’re so damn hurt over being called immature and silly.
If you weren’t seething you wouldn’t be defending yourself so hard over any of this.
>>87391>most women i know would rather rub one out a million times over than have sex with people they don't care for for the sake of having sex
then how come you dont want him to ever touch himself?
Keep pushing the narrative that I’m seething and really really hurt over strangers guessing I have ugly glasses and bangs. Brb sobbing into my pillow. This has been a good excercise for me to do. Hope you got something out of your bitching, too.>one bad ex
Powers of intuition failed you again, I’m afraid. It’s just not been your night.
Maybe they subscribe to the belief that watching porn or getting off to anything other than their partner is cheating?
There’s a lot of people out there who feel that way.
Either that of it’s part of the controlling aspect of dominant/submissive style relationships which anon said they wanted. She wants to control/own his sexuality sorta thing?
Weird imo what different strokes I suppose.
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Femcels have the same black and white thinking as incels do huh
i didn't say 'most women', retard. i said 'most women i know'. most women in my life. your reading comprehension is for shit.>>87397
thank you. exactly.>>87394
i don't think it's more common than them, and i really don't think it's common at all, but i DO think it's more common than people think. it's definitely possible, and i'd prefer to be alone than not be with someone like that, anyways.>>87399
so you think men like that are prudes, it doesn't mean it's unrealistic, however. it seems your gripe is that you don't like 'prude' men.
you def sound like a robot >>87405
i think the salty anon is just a robot that's offended that there are better, more valuable men out there than him and he knows he can't compete, kek. he begs for me to fuck him and refuses to waste any of his cum, however, and it's adorable. idk why anyone wouldn't want this kind of dynamic, it's the cutest.
Married bisexuals aren’t closet lesbians but okay.
For real though I’ve never heard the term outside of historical novels or game of thrones and creepy middle aged perverts. What country are you from? It’s a hilarious thing to say.
Also, totally called it on the masturbating thing being a fetish/sexual control thing.
>>87413>i think the salty anon is just a robot that's offended that there are better, more valuable men out there than him and he knows he can't compete, kek
Ding ding ding.
They’ve been shitting up the thread
See how easy it was to answer a simple question without being dramatic or saying something retarded? >>87417
It was a bit much but at least they’re happy I suppose. It’s weirder that they think anybody who’s not in that dynamic is sad though. Cute is the last way I’d describe it.
>>87415>wanting guys to not be alpha chads
again with the black and white thinking>>87413>there are better, more valuable men
no one thinks men who don't rub one out are more valuable except facebook moms
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There definitely seems to be a few robots in this thread. Who else would get this salty over a woman's preferences?
>>87421>no one thinks men who don't rub one out are more valuable except facebook moms
okay, then color me, and a few anons in this thread so far, facebook moms. sweet, sentimental men that like reserving sexual things to being just between partners are incredibly valuable to plenty of women, sorry to disappoint you. maybe someone will feel defeated enough to settle for you one day.
>again with the black and white thinking
an anon literally said "what a disgusting beta" so ofc people are bringing up how some women dont like 'chads'. why are you so offended by a relationship where people don't masturbate, anyways? you sound addicted to masturbation to get this riled up about someone else's life, christ. there are plenty of people that demand that their potential partner never drink or do any drugs, even socially, just because of general incompatibility. this is no different.
Being okay with a partner masturbating means I’m addicted to masturbation myself?
I’m not the anon you’re arguing with but calm that reaching, Stretch Armstrong.
My standards are weird more than high.>not white. I've read too many stories of women whose white partners fell for the racism meme, and I generally find white men less attractive anyway.>smaller and weaker than me (under 120 lbs and under 6ft)>agrees on my views of child abuse>showers daily>sexually submissive or at least vanilla. No doms. >not too devout religiously>pleasant to be around, tries to understand other people >not a misogynist>small circle of friends or none>likes animals
That's bare minimum, otherwise I'd prefer if he was also an artist of some sort and had a big nose.
Agreeing on how to discipline kids is crazy important.
A lot of people I know irl are getting engaged and pregnant without ever having discussed what they’d do and feel if a kid was fucked up and sickly or how they feel kids should be raised. One couple never discussed what religion the kids would be raised with despite the couple being Jewish and Methodist Christian.
Seems mental to even move in with someone if you disagree about fundamental shit but it looks like heaps of folks are doing it. Maybe I only know dumb people though.
Sorry but you sound abusive. Probably due to insecurity.
You're a dom because you want to control every aspect of your boyfriend's life, even something as silly as masturbation.
You dislike "Chad's" because you know it's much easier to prey on "beta" guys.
I bet you hate seeing your boyfriend have any contact with other women as well.
Dan Savage is a joke and that’s a shit quote.>>87437>Agreeing on how to discipline kids is crazy important.
I feel like this is something people need to be told. Like apparently they’re too stupid to think of it themselves so someone needs to be like “soooo you guys good with corporal punishment or nah?” Or even just relatively smaller things like kids doing high-injury sports (football), or how chores work, or grounding, curfew, etc. They don’t discuss beforehand and kids are weasels who know how to get what they want and it’s just bad and unproductive. >>87427>because masturbation, to everyone who isn't a religious nut, is a normal part of everyday life
Masturbation is fine but there are a lot of legit critiques of porn. I think it’s reasonable to be against porn consumption.
Anon doesn’t want a romantic partner so much as a dildo that will tell her she’s pretty when she’s done.
Tbh I can see why a lot of anons posting their ridiculous lists like >>87354
or the anon who insists it’s cute and romantic to make a partner beg for sex and not allowing him to ‘spill his seed’ (can’t stop laughing at how insanely cringey and insane she was)are forever alone.
>>87448>with an ugly house
God damn the jealousy is real. >>87447>are forever alone.
Pretty sure this thread morphed into something else a while back. Most people posting have partners or have had them. >>87445
This is a cool idea. Just from a user base pov
Oh please now we can’t even mock someone for a bad humblebrag?
They sat there saying they’re super attractive and live in a magazine house let’s not act like they’re an actual model in an actual tasteful manor house, now. Nobody is jealous of anybody because this is a sad collection of sad people. Live a little.
I never said anything about spilling seed. That was another anon, fyi. >>87439
I don't hate "Chads"?? I don't want to be with them, however. I'm not like them? It'd be weird and a waste of time. And not exactly. I don't really care to speak to people other than my partner and prefer someone similar to myself wrt friends, family, masturbation, porn (harmful to relationships, is typically rape on film, etc). I don't masturbate in relationships, find it disrespectful and have no desire to, and I like subversive relationships in general. I prefer a relationship where males prefer women are in control instead of men taking advantage of society's expectations of het relationships. I'm a hermit and don't want a social boyfriend that actively wants to speak to people when I don't and dont want to, either. That's really not unreasonable. You guys act like any men I date would be helpless babies literally forced into these conditions.
An anon going on for literally hours about another anon is very different than one saying “yo wow.”>>87455
No, you’re not asking for too much. That’s a pretty fair and realistic list.
Seems reasonable. You’re posting more about values and being mentally stable than money or looks. Good priorities. Hope you meet him soon. >>87458
It’s probably the same anon who was posted about initially. Ignore them and they’ll go tell someone else they’re assblasted over it. >>87459
That’s why there were two people posted. Seed hoarding anon was a different type of crazy.
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I think the likelihood of two people both being attracted to each other and liking each other romantically at the same time is such a set of coincidences. So I figure the majority of relationships aren't actually good, more like varying between shitty and acceptable. IME from what I've seen between friends and family I'm not wrong. I don't form crushes often or feel attraction often so tbh I feel pretty boned on this front. I think the likelihood of me meeting someone and the planets aligning and having a real romantic relationship is pretty low. I'm viewing relationships in much more transactional terms at this point, I mean if I can't feel attracted to people or feel romantically whats the point of a relationship for me?
That's what I think, too.
As I get older, I'm getting more okay with the thought of being alone. Everything I'd gain from a relationship, I can find elsewhere. I'm not a person who needs physical contact, anyway. Maybe later in life, out of comfort - to share responsibilities and stuff, I'll get into some sort of relationship, but not necessarily a romantic one. Of course, if it hits me, it hits me. But I doubt it.
I passed the "why no one likes me" and "why I don't like anyone" boohoo stages
And I'm fine.
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>Do you ever wonder why you can't find a decent bf?why not one man you like wants you?
that's probably why she doesn't have a man.>>87463
i'm seed hoarding anon and i just replied in a really stupid way to an obvious troll. you realize >>87459
I have sex with my partner everyday, so that's not a problem. >>87535
Like I said, they do have partners though.https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/rebooting-in-a-relationship.14/
And plenty of them are in relationships so you have no valid argument.>>cult members agree with the ideas of the cult
Lel, I guess more than 2 people agreeing on something makes anything a "cult" now. Nice pulling that one out of your ass.
The fact that some do have partners doesn't buck the general trend that they don't.
That's not why it's a cult.
My problem is that my standards are too high and I have BPD, which go hand in hand together.
For the BPD, I would say I am high functioning but unstable enough for others to detect that I'm a bit "different". I am currently attending therapy with a DBT specialist to help mitigate my symptoms. However, I don't feel like I am "stable" enough to confidently get into a relationship just now (was in one for 6 months, broke up about a month ago) without affecting my partner. I would like to improve myself.
High standards however… I myself am not ugly, according to friends and boyfriends I had, and received "cute" to "beautiful", all which I don't agree with.. I want someone handsome, tall broadshouldered, in grad school, empathetic, sensitive and caring. They are all qualities that exists for women more beautiful, stable and worthy than me.
lul outing yourself as a virgin, aren't you?
virgins don't masturbate more than people who have sex. people "regularly" having sex tend to be people in the initial stage of a relationship and after that it becomes less frequent.
Yea im ok with it.>>87629
And there are people who are satisfied with having sex once a week and dont feel like they have to fap, sex is way more satisfying.
Singles masturbate more than people in relationships. I couldn't find any surveys or studies on virgin masturbation frequency, but most virgin guys I've known seem to masturbate pretty frequently.>>87633
Weird to be so catty about men's sex drives when it doesn't affect you, but ok.
Libido doesnt = how much you fap, so many guys just do it out of boredom or habit.
And my bf seems to want sex about the same as I do so his libido is perfect.
You're delusional if you think women and girls aren't more uncomfortable with masturbation because of the historical repression of female sexuality that still affects them to this day.>>87644
Male and females and the way society treats them is very different. 'Glorifying' (lol, the fucking hyperbole) male 'purity' (has nothing to even do with purity, but you apparently have a hard time staying on track) is not the same as 'glorifying' female purity or repressing female sexuality. You sound like an MRA or incel.
anons ITT seem to think masturbation and sex are equal. they aren't. i masturbate when i am horny, yeah. i also masturbate when i'm stressed out, when i have a headache, when i have cramps, just whenever i need an orgasm.
sex is so much more than just an orgasm. its intimacy, its a journey. masturbation takes ten minutes tops, sex can last up to an hour or more if theres foreplay or other things involved. sex is me spending intimate, sensual time with my partner, exploring their body, making them feel good makes me feel good too.
many men have a problem with porn addiction, frequent masturbation, and death grip leading to lessened sensitivity. those are all huge issues. i don't agree with porn use. but i think many anons here are taking an extreme, black and white stance on this issue. i'm not going to control how often my partner masturbates because it isn't about me.
I agree but the point is finding guys who dont feel the need to, which they do exist.>>87662
which is fine, but that is rare. what situation is more likely, finding a guy who doesn't masturbate or telling a guy you're in a relationship with that you don't want him to masturbate?
And the comment that started this whole mess didn't say "I want to find a guy that never masturbates, it said
>">doesnt use porn and prefers me to porn and will never touch himself"
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do you guys think some women are just destined to be spinsters for the rest of their life?
pic related, it's one of my favourite books, written by the author of anne of green gables. it's about a 29 year old woman who's never been married (it's the early 1900s), but finds out she has a heart disease that'll kill her soon, and she decides she doesn't want to be miserable forever. i know it sounds cheesy but it's one of my favourite romance novels. it's very sweet and charming, much better than the cover makes it look.
if i ever actually enforced my standards:
>empathetic>good sense of humor>not too tall or strong>not a racist, misogynist, etc>at least a few overlapping interests>won't beat me or yell at me even if i ever make him mad>takes care of himself >has real life goals>doesn't think i'm ugly>bi, since i am & i need someone who understands & respects it>not a drug/alcohol user>not a frequent liar>>87328
yup, it's sad but i've accepted it mostly, i get the meaningful human connection i need from my good friends so i don't need
to date, but it is painful sometimes knowing i don't have the capacity to be loved by anyone who doesn't want to hurt me
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>feelio when 5'11
>stalk people on image boards all day
>want a nasty NEET femdom girl to step on my tiny Indian penis
life isn't worth living and im going to fail Uni please fuck me(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)
Resident retard from here.
That's not him in the picture but he is half poo/curry.
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No it's really him who posts that.
He posts it on that site all the time pretending it's him. It's not him, he's much uglier, but everything else he said is true.
God, I hate those fucks who claim no women are able to be interested in femdom because Chad and Muh Bioessentialism.
Why are you a male sub then?
Absolute unit.Oddly enough, I do have a thing for Indian guys and felt irrationally targeted by his posts today. But I'm not into internet misogynists. None of us are here.
Hey, we all have our preferences.
I think they just generally have physical traits I find attractive (big eyes, prominent noses, usually shorter, etc.).
idk anon. That's just how it is for me.
Nah, I've met Indians who smell nice and I like darker guys.You
don't have to date them if you don't want to. It's okay.
back in high school i had a thing for desi guys, and there was a ton at my school. not in a weird fetishy way, i just liked their features and thought they were really sweet and hard working. that plus most of the white guys i knew were either chads, hipster fuckboys, or neckbeards. the only issue with desi guys though is their parents are (usually) super overprotective and traditional, so it was almost impossible to go out with them unless it was in secret… anyways i'm back into white guys now and currently with one who is great. there's nothing wrong with your preferences as long as you aren't being cringey. >>87746
liking indian guys isn't desperate at all, you must think all brown men are like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rhnj9tqm1aU
>>87790>looks him up>he's just Indian Chad
I could never get into Bollywood movies since most of the guys were pretty Chad-y. No offense to you, ofc, I just like cute small guys.>>87798
Ha, my situation was the opposite of yours. I thought I liked white guys because they were the only type I'd been exposed to in a small farm town, but then I grew up and realized and I could probably never settle with a white guy. Shallow as that is.
I am aware of the family situation, but I'm holding out for a guy who's adult enough to say no to his parents sometimes. I'd imagine a high school situation would be different in that regard.
What would this entail? Like those white neckbeards claiming azn wimmin are the superior submissive race and all? Or being creepy to any person that you're attracted to?
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Pic related is me.
I hook up with normal guys, but I never want anything serious with them. I know it's fucked up but my serious relationships are always with guys who are messed up in the head, usually the super introverted depressed types with low self-esteem. I have many issues myself and being able to talk to someone who gets me is very important.
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>>87814>What would this entail? Like those white neckbeards claiming azn wimmin are the superior submissive race and all? Or being creepy to any person that you're attracted to?
Yes, all of the above. Also getting obsessed with Desi guys to the point where it's a fetish, the way some K-Pop fans run after their oppas.
Also if you aren't into contemporary Bollywood actors check out the old school ones, they were more classically handsome and less Chad-y (pic related)..
I guess I'm pretty safe then. I worry a bit about being fetish-y or obnoxious because I'm not fully white myself and know how uncomfortable it is when someone fixates on your culture and makes assumptions.
And thanks! I probably will check out older movies, I prefer older Hollywood movies for the same reason actually (I find the aesthetics of both the men and women more appealing). >>87846
Yeah, he was actually pretty cute in the face when he was younger.
Well, i've only been in one serious relationship and it was great until he dumped me for a girl he had been cheating on me with for 6 months (no i'm not bitter lol) but I do "date around" a lot, it's common where I live. The main issue i've been running into is guys who have no ambition in life, and have resigned themselves to working low-level jobs. For example the last guy I was seeing>worked at an insurance agency>complained about how soul sucking his job was endlessly, would text me from work all the time complaining>every time we hung out he just talked about how his degree was a waste of time and money>lived for the weekends
Which is why I would like to date someone with a busy job they are passionate about
There are many people out there who enjoy their jobs or at the very least don’t hate them and complain about them endlessly. It’s draining to hear someone complain about the same aspect of their lives and do nothing to fix it, there’s nothing wrong with not wanting that trait in a partner. It means they aren’t proactive.
To contribute to the thread, I want a boyfriend who is committed to achieving goals he set for himself. My last ex would try once and never try again if it didn’t work out exactly how he envisioned it in his head and that was frustrating.
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anons I'm still so fucking angry, my perfect bf broke up with me even though I did everything right. This was 7 months ago, I'm still not over it. I'm worried it's because he was way more successful than me in terms of being born into a rich and caring family, and saw that I didn't have the same and got the impression that I'd leech off him or never be successful etc… I can only find solace in knowing that he will never find a girl who cared and loved him for who he is despite his flaws as much as I did. I now am only attracted to guys who look like him/remind me of him, it's disgusting and I hate myself.
>nice soothing voice>physically attractive - basically a subset in it’s own. Taller than me but not too much so, not bald/ing, not blonde, not fat, not a slob.>dresses well at least occasionally>intelligent>must have his own interests, if we happen to share some, that’s a plus>social and socially apt, has friends of his own or is able to make some>not overly shy and or clingy>good sense of humour>doesn’t want children>not a stoner>similar (not identical) views and tastes>financially stable enough to take care of himself>high sex drive, kinky and sexually compatible>affectionate>trusting, honest and respectful
Would rather be alone than with someone I can’t respect and or be attracted to. Sad as it is, I guess I’m dying alone.>>87480
Yeah this is exactly how I feel. The stars aligned just right one time many years ago and the statistically unbelievable happened but it didn't work out for reasons unrelated to us and people didn't understand why I lost my damn mind. Because, honestly, the chances of that happening again are slim to none, despite how many 'good guys' there are out there. Transactional relationships make me feel dishonest and shitty and I hate that it has to be like that.
I used to think the same. I'm not autistic, but schizo-spec though.
Don't give up. Eventually you'll find someone who'll be good for you.
At one point I lost all hope, but now I'm with a person who actually loves me and tries their best to understand me.
And if you don't find someone like that, try to learn to live for yourself. Relationships aren't everything, after all.
I used to think like that before, until I realized a few years ago how much I enjoy being alone. In my teenage years, I was desperate to be able to fit in (I've always been a bit of a weirdo), so I thought getting into a relationship would fix that, but I slowly realized that I actually didn't want it. Whenever I hear people talking about their relationship and how wonderful it is, I can't help but feel a bit disgusted, I have such a need to be alone I would never be able to date (I wouldn't be surprised if I had a schizoid personality disorder). Maybe my mind will change, I don't know, but for now, I've embraced my solitude and am content with living all my life on my own.
I know it's not very common (people are always surprised when I say I'm single and have no desire for a partner), so I wonder if there are other people like me here.
I feel the same way! Never had a crush, never felt anything remotely resembling what people describe as love, never had a desire to be with anyone. Don't even have any desire for friendship. I'm around people sometimes, and that's completely fine and even enjoyable at times, but I prefer my solitude.
Not sure of any reasons behind it. If I get a desire for something else at some point, I'm sure that'll be fine too. I wouldn't expect it at this point though, seeing as I'm in my mid-twenties.
Schizoid here. I've also been taken advantage of, sexually abused, etc. because I don't really know how to respond properly to certain situations… well, namely, the inner-workings of relationships as a whole. Narcs are drawn to me like flies to honey, because I'm socially clueless, and thus a blank slate for them to manipulate into what they desire.
I used to feel hopeless as well, until I met a true, genuine person (who happens to be autistic as well) that understands my various issues and actively works through them with me. He's patient, explains things for me when necessary, and doesn't allow for me to be a doormat.
I promise, there are people out there who are kind, understanding, and have good intentions. You aren't pathetic. Those guys you've been dating - now, they're the pathetic ones.
It's just that you can't explain it to someone else who doesn't feel that way.
Anyone else will just presume you're too shy, too young, too [insert whatever].
Normies, for the lack of a better word, can't comprehend that there might be people who just love being alone.
I gave up on telling others why I'm single or why I refuse to date. I always have to make up a story like I'm still hurt over the last relationship (which I never had) or I want to find ~true love~.
I'm really glad to see that I'm not the only one. I always felt I was lacking something. It doesn't help that the internet made the introvert and wanting to be alone thing snowflakey.
I thought growing up, as I'm now in my late 20s, people will mind their own business a bit more and I wouldn't have to come up with excuses for dating but nope. As persistent as ever, they have this need to know about your private life and at any mention that you're single, then they start playing the matchmaker.
But just as with dating, I don't like the idea of having close friends. When I'm at home, I like to think of it as a sanctuary where no one can bother me. Any unnecessary social events add more stress than any tight deadline.
I used to be bothered by the whole cat lady trope, as if being a cat lady is something bad. But I plan to early retire on a farm with lots of animals, lots of cats included, where I'll finally be completely alone and dedicate myself to creative hobbies. I already have the land, so now I just need to work on the rest.
He’s literally my boss and I’m just some stupid trainee. But probably you’re right.
The sad thing is, I’ve never ever felt like this before. When I see him he’s like the perfect man to me. He is everything. Why does shit like this happen to me? Why can’t he be a single pringle? I wish his current gf would cheat on him and he finds out so they’ll separate so I’ll get my chance with him
Are you mad? He willingly leads you on despite being in a committed relationship and hides his gf from you on purpose.
Lots of decent men out there who aren't so shitty.
I’m probably mad, but most likely easy to manipulate by nice men like him due to things I’ve already went through. Probably my body, brain and hormones are just going crazy cause he is so nice to me in a way I’ve never experienced from a man I also find not only sexually attractive.
Due to my experiences so far I’m scared of most men or just simply don’t feel any attraction. Also usually if there’s someone showing interest in me it’s your typical incel, neck beard, ginger, neet I’m grossed out by just writing this. I hate being blonde and having tits
also he's leading you on and you are coming across as very up your own ass
I found that a lot of people who aren't in relationships just hate themselves, and/or sabotage the relationships they are in because they hate themselves and think the person will leave eventually.
Eventually probably in their 30's they settle because they are afraid to die alone, but they will never address their issues with their self worth.
They probably could get someone, but it would more require a change in mindset and confidence more than the physical.
disagree. most of those people would still be pieces of shit like >>91749
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>20 years old
>never had a bf/gf
I mean I'm upset that I have never experienced romantic type of love
Would you mind if I blogposted/vented?
>Grew up in the middle of nowhere
>Bullied during first 6 years of school
>Switched schools because of becoming suicidal
>Was ignored 6 years, unless somebody needed any help with school work
>Never had any nice clothes, nor make up skills until 18, when I decided to finally woman up
During all the school years due to bullying and social alienation I seeked refuge online where I met many fantastic people and made many nice memories there. I am really thankful for my online friends, who truly were my only friends.
>No social skills due to social alienation
>Ugly, small, uneven eyes, have to wear glasses
>Big nose, dry skin that is prone to acne
>Chickenpox scars, huge pores
>small lips, naturally round face + perma-doublechin
>was thinking that only beautiful thing about me was my hair, but its really not.
>Long hair that is frizzy and dry, ends split easy, yet scalp is greasing really bad.
>Recently gained quite some weight because of anti-depressants..
Looks is one of the most important thing to girls, imo, as people notice the looks first, so being a truly ugly fuck doesn't help. Oh, also I don't have much of a personality. All I like is playing on my favourite server, where I meet my friends. I never made real friends, even when uni started.
Actually I was really positive chicken nugget when 1st year of university started, thinking it was a new start, I will finally make some friends in real life, maybe even find love. Oh, how wrong I was. It was the same. Everyone managed to make groups, but I was alone again. My roommate being a girl, who didn't talk unless it was to make snark remarks about me didn't help too. Finally, I had a mental breakdown, got onto therapy and medication.
So here I sit, in front of the computer in the dark, with my messy table being lit by scented candles, being angry at universe and myself, wishing that I was a little more attractive, spending my tiny bits of hard worked money on make up,hair and skin care, trying to find the thing that would finally turn me into somebody worthy of a little bit of positive attention and love.
I'm really sorry for a blogpost. I'm just having a depressive episode and need to vent.
(please dont be too mean)
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Last time I went to the club alone I got picked up in about 15 minutes by some sketchlord with a cat o' nine tails in his boot. It only happened the one time but I get the feeling that this will be a pattern and I will just bend over for the first guy in a night who can feign attraction to me. Maybe the club is not for me.
When I meet guys online the geography always kinda dooms us before we start but the connections are so strong and I get attached enough to be miserable after the inevitable occurs, usually less than a month after exchanging throwaway emails. I don't think online dating is for me.
So I know I'm a train wreck, I've got no fashion sense/cosmetic skill, my job is mediocre and my self-esteem isn't improving any time soon, but perhaps there is some other way to meet men that even I can't screw up?
Anon I getchu but don't kid yourself.
I'm conventionally good-looking and slim, I'm few years older than you and I've never had a boyfriend/girlfriend, nor any romantic interaction besides one horrible date. Looks really are not everything. I know plenty of people from average to really ugly that are in relationships. If you wish to fix anything, it shouldn't be looks. It's enough if you have good hygiene and take care of yourself. Focus on your attitude, personality and all that jazz; that's what really matters, which may sound corny but it's the simplest truth.
Talk like that justifies the existence of bitter incels. Don't do that.>>96742
My point is that you can't know what the person is like without getting to know them first and you might be surprised how common it actually is to normal people not have normal lives.
Came today to lurk but this hit me hard. No need to waste time with old feels but been in the same situation as a guy, the words resonate. Managed to pull myself to go to concerts after i hit 20 and the first girl that gave me attention became my first gf after a month because i was starved for emotion (and frankly misled that I needed sex in my life). Moved in with her and got physically abused for 6 months (severe beatings, hair pulling, getting cut and getting burned with cigs) until i realized where i was and wtf i was doing to myself just for companionship and moved back home. After 2 years of lone time i clicked with another girl, herself a virgin a year younger, and she is my gf now. because of her evil controlling mom she became unconsciously very egoistic and due to this she has some kind of emotionally induced vaginitis, practically cant enjoy herself if she doesnt suffer and so emotionally and sexually i am in the same horrid place. I mentioned sex twice because both of you think you should take it into consideration when you choose to stop the loneliness… I did and ended up very, very badly. Still hanging on and will get better but if I could choose just out of love with a straight mind I would do it. Don't fucking become someone's meat to play around with. NOT worth it, not in a hundred years. If you can accept a suggestion, have a lot of patience with yourself. Because others won't. There is still time and if you improve for your own benefit the chances of finding someone will too.
Im a little younger than you but i always experience and feel the same about men,i understand that not all men are disgusting but my interaction with them havent been pretty…I was called ugly and even got tease well into my high school years,sometimes i just felt like our exsistence is just for mens pleasure and they can just fuck with us and say whatever they want but when we do the same we are ''shallow'' and ''picky''.Eventhough its because of men that we have to protect ourselves at the first place…These things are the reason why i too are incapable of feeling any romantic attraction through real men (i like fictional characters more,kek) whenever i got feelings for a guy i make sure i get over it within the span of a day,my love life is pretty much dead like my soul