>>85369Incoming blogpost:
I am this way. I have flirted heavily with guys and lost interest as soon as they reciprocate. I've slept with men and felt immediate disinterest and annoyance with them after. I never dated those guys and couldn't figure out why. And after my last relationship I realised I have a history of purposefully pursuing men I inherently sense to be emotionally unavailable and tossing away men who are stable and actually interested in me for me.
My reason for this stems from (kek) my father: my entire childhood I was desperate for him to pay attention to me. He didn't pay attention to me or my mom or my sister, ever. He made time for his friends but at home he stayed in his office and only came out for the family dinner or to yell at us. He would only interact with me if I showed interest in things he liked and when I got good grades. Cue me behaving like this with every man I've dated ever.
I date the guys who inevitably use me for sex. I date the guys who show up late or not at all and then I cry about it wondering why when the signs were actually there from the beginning. But I didn't see those signs because to me their obvious disregard for me just meant I needed to work harder for them to love me. And every bone they threw me made it worth it. I was like a dog in all the best and worst ways. These are men of varying races, heights, and ranges of objective physical attractiveness.
I recommend reading "Women Who Love Too Much" - dig a bit and you'll find a free pdf eventually as I did, or just work on yourself and discover why you are this way. Or whatever behavioural patterns you've developed will likely repeat, unfortunately.