File: 1527655031196.jpg (88.8 KB, 736x1103, 1505778082638.jpg)
No. 83809
File: 1527659392648.jpg (72.22 KB, 788x786, a higher level of woah.jpg)
I don't get angry about other people cheating. I really don't feel that strongly unless it's a close friend getting hurt or something. Cheating is an indication of a troubled person and/or troubled relationship.
There are multiple levels of cheating, but I separate it into two groups: emotional and physical. I think emotional cheating is easier for women to write off, but it tends to feel more like a betrayal akin to being physically cheated on. While physical cheating is almost impossible to overlook and is downright mean.
>Would you dump a partner immediately?
This would have been easier to answer if I were still living with my parents. When I lived with them, my finances and living situation weren't entwined with my boyfriend. If an ex caused me grief, I would just dump because my life would go on as normal literally the next day.
Now? If I dumped my boyfriend my life would be sacked overnight and only more complicated by my job, property, and debts.
I would want to dump my bf if he were a cheater. Yet I'd have to be more cautious, gradual, and reserved or else I would risk hurting myself in the process even worse. I wouldn't want to be cheated on and have a shitload of stress on top, so I'd be forced to be amicable about it until I was a safe distance.
I could never sweep cheating under the rug though. Nor could I ever truly forget.
Maybe forgive it to a point, but I would be too hurt to carry on a loving relationship with that person without being bitter and suspicious.
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with?
None. I've always believed that people who place any blame on the other person are just trying to mitigate guilt from the cheater at fault. Too many times cheaters point to the other person for their bad decision, and just no. I've been on the receiving end of solicitations from male cheaters to know I never pursued them. When I'd say no, they'd cheat with whoever was the next available. Even if the other person "knows," they're often fed lies in order for the cheater to get his way ie. "Hurr my gf is a yuge bitch and we're not doing well and we'll probably break up so let's fuck." I've heard that before.
Problem is, a lot of cheaters are charismatic narcs and know exactly what to say to get people to cheat with them and then convince their partners it was their fault.
>Have you ever cheated?
Never. Unless you technically count me sleeping with someone and breaking off my already doomed relationship the next day. That decision was made before I got into bed though, would've dumped either way.
>Have you ever been cheated on?
I suspect I was once, but the relationship wasn't all that serious and I knew it wouldn't last. I was mostly with the guy to have sex and smoke weed, y'know, have fun.
I could tell he was shady. He was weird about me tagging him on social media, and once I called him and found out he was with a girl I'd never met "picking out a puppy" at a shelter. Lmao. He wasn't even upset when I ended things so what does that say, really. I can't even be mad.
>Have you ever been with a taken person?
Meh.
A mister "I'm married but my wife is separated right now so it's cool" later turned "well actually we're doing better but now I'm emotionally fucked from cheating."
Ghosted his ass for his own sake, what a fucking moron.
No. 83815
I've gotten to the point of almost emotionally cheating on my boyfriend. I say almost because I'd speak to guys who I knew wanted to turn it into a sexual convo, but I'd stop it from getting anywhere because I couldn't stop thinking of my boyfriend. Seeking out that kind of attention 100% came from a combination of my lack of self esteem and feeling as if he doesn't see me as a girlfriend. We've been together so long that I feel as if sometimes he sees me more as a sister. There's a lot of shit like that in our relationship, but I know that if I was a stronger person I could handle it better and not turn to shitty ways to cope.
A little while ago, I was honest with him about it and we had a conversation about it. He's trying to change what he was doing (not that anything was or is his fault. But there are certain things that he does that make me want to seek attention elsewhere) and I'm definitely catching myself before I continue shitty behaviors. Little things like joking that I need to put my makeup on to take my dog for a walk just in case or saying "I'm not talking to anyone" when I'm clearly talking to someone, I've stopped doing completely. Even when he knows I'm joking or just giving a nonchalant answer, it just feels manipulative and I become disgusted with myself.
I feel like if I flirted with the guys who flirted with me or did something physical, he'd definitely dump me and I don't blame him. Even if he didn't, I'd leave him myself because I wouldn't be able to face him. I'd be devastated if he cheated on me so knowing that I've made him feel even a drop of that kills me. I'm grateful that he was willing to work through my issues with me.
>>83812>Cheating is really only a reflection of the cheater and not the one who gets cheated on.Absolutely this.
No. 83819
File: 1527663776229.jpeg (8.65 KB, 300x250, images (23).jpeg)
>How strongly do you feel about cheating?
It's wrong but I don't mind it unless it happens to me. It may sound egoistical but it's the truth. Also, I know I'm gonna sound like a huge bitch for this but when my friends get cheated on I feel zero empathy or get some kind of satisfaction from it.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them? Would you forgive it to a point?
Absolutely. It's extremely hard for me to get into a relationship since I don't really care about sex and have low tolerance for men so to the trash he goes. I'm consider myself pretty vindictive but I wouldn't do anything, cheaters aren't worth the trouble imo.
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence?
No with a sole exception, a marriage of convenience. Guy needs to be the millionaire kind of rich and supply all my needs so I agree with it.
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?
pic related. None, unless they're friends/family.
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated
Never cheated. Never been cheated on.
>Have you ever been with a taken person?
Not that I know of. And tbh I would if I had the balls to do it. I started liking a male friend since he opened up about his sexual preferences/world views etc but he's already taken. I've met his gf before and even tho I tried to befriend her and be nice, can't stand the girl. So basically if he came to me I'd be down for it in a heartbeat but I'd never chase him in my own initiative.
No. 83820
File: 1527663963747.jpeg (21.61 KB, 458x321, images (21).jpeg)
Shitty pic but you get the idea.
No. 83824
>>83805>How strongly do you feel about cheating? Quite strongly. It's a horrible thing to do to a person. It can cause huge emotional traumas for everyone involved.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?No, and I hate that but I know it's the truth. if my current partner had a drunken one night stand, 'fessed up and apologized then I wouldn't leave, though I'd be incredibly hurt. I would forgive him assuming it never happened again and he made it up to me by becoming a better man and partner. A few months-long affair that he went out of his way to hide from me is different though. I'd be heartbroken, but I would leave. Deceit is the part of cheating that I can't tolerate.
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?If they knew, then it's a shitty thing to do, but they're not the one with a partner. if it was a mutual friend then I would absolutely blame them to some degree, but if it was just a random unfortunate girl i wouldn't blame them, just wouldn't condone their actions.
I've never been cheated on, but my first relationship was with a manipulative son of a bitch who made sure we were never "officially" together while saying he loved me because if I wasn't his girlfriend I didn't feel like it was my place to be able to tell him whether he could sleep with other girls or not.
No. 83838
>How strongly do you feel about cheating?
Very strongly, just hearing about it pisses me off. I realize situations and people are complicated, but I always try to tune out of conversations about infidelity since it will just "trigger" me.
There's just no excuse for cheating, it's a reflection of the shitty insides of the cheater. And it is never the cheatee's fault, even if their libido is low or they gain weight…it's on their partner to not be a fucking coward and break up with them. Or grow up and realize love has sacrifices. I have a high as fuck libido and I prefer very slender men, but if my future husband got chub and had a low sex drive I'd stay as long as I loved him. And if he decided he wanted to get buff or stopped cleaning himself I'd just talk it out and break up if necessary. Like a fucking adult. idk these excuses just never flew in my book.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?
Yes, even if they were just chatting someone up I'd dump. I know what I want and will not settle for an asshole.
>Would you forgive it to a point?
Forgive in the sense that I wouldn't rage at them and beat someone for it. I'd just get rid of them.
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence?
See above.
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?
Some blame unless my partner raped them. It's never the other person's fault entirely (responsibility lies in the hands of the taken person), but they're probably a selfish individual and I'd judge them for it.
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
No, I'm just spergy about it because Daddy Issues.
>Have you ever been with a taken person?
No, if I learn someone is taken that I find attractive I put a wall up inside myself. I am no hypocrite.
No. 83844
>>83837I'm exactly with you anon
There's nothing quite like the rush of a crush but the reality of cheating would just be a regretful mistake b that leaves you feeling shitty. Even whenever I fall head over heels for someone in a chemical sense, I know that in reality it's only a small chance that I build a better life with them than I already have with my long term partner. What's the point throwing away all of our history just for a moment of passion or to try to start again with someone?
When you have a good thing then you don't let it go
No. 83879
>>83860Men cheating on women seems to be taken less seriously than the other way around. If a man cheats, excuses like
>she gained weight>she didn't want sex as much as I did>another women tempted meare sometimes seen as "understandable", however if a women were to use these same excuses she would be seen in a much more negative light. Once I read a story about how a woman instantly divorced a man for cheating on her. Many of the comments said things like
>she's selfish for not trying to work things out for the sake of her kids, single mothers are terrible for children, etc.I'm sure if the genders had been reversed the man would have been praised for his decision.
No. 84014
File: 1527829473342.png (320.77 KB, 500x375, 1497122110937.png)
I've been through some horrendous situations but my sappy soul has probably been more traumatized by being cheated on than anything else. My ex best friend would often act like it was her job to sleep with guys that i had been with/was in to, sometimes in the same house while i was crying in the next room. She had one of those bullshit open relationships and I felt so bad for her cucked bf as well. I think we shared a silent solidarity. If a person is so much as cybering with someone while in a relationship with me, I will lose my shit and ghost them for the rest of my life.
i think its fucking disgusting. I've definitely been attracted to other people and even had a brief thought sexually about them but I usually just snap out of it, i feel like that's normal. I look at my partner and feel like whoa i'm lucky and happy, tho, that was an odd thought. if i have a specific fantasy about something i bring it up to them and don't search for it in others. How hard is it to break up with someone before you move on and fuck someone else ffs? Also love takes sacrifice and work to some degree, a partner isn't going to cater to every single one of your whims. That's just life, and you can choose to deal with it or not.
That being said, I am aware it isn't all black and white. There are people who are being abused who find comfort in other people. I'd use Eerie cheating on Joji for example. I feel as if that was a method of escape and validation. Like that is pretty damn excusable. Bitch was stuck with his ass for 10 years
No. 84019
>How strongly do you feel about cheating?
Shits fucked up. I would know, coming from both angles.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?
I was cheated on multiple times by different people but I was so out of sorts that I didn’t actually believe/see it for awhile until we were broken up. I’ve learned my lesson though, and I’m pretty sure I’d dump my boyfriend and never look back if he ever did, relationships just can’t recover after that.
>Would you forgive it to a point?
Nope
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence?
Nope
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?
Half the blame. The girl that cheated with my last ex knew we were in a relationship and persued him anyway, cokewhore witch bitch. Just as unforgivable.
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on? Have you ever been with a taken person? Share your experience.
Never been with a person who was taken to my knowledge because I’d never stoop to that level no matter how much I adored the person or hated their s.o., but I’ve been the cheater and cheatee. Last 2 bfs cheated on me, one had a gf who miraculously appeared on fb right after he dumped me, the other was a long term bf who honestly probably talked to a lot of women because he was that type of guy. Sucks for him, he tried to have his cake and eat it too and has no one now.
I cheated on my ex husband. Though I had my reasons (literal dead beat NEET that left every single housework task to me even though I worked full time, played video games literally all day, didn’t interact with me in a romantic or sexual way once we got married) I still felt guilt because that’s probably the worst thing you could do to someone you’re in a monogamous romantic relationship with aside from physical violence and I do not condone it under any circumstances. It’s odd in a way because I don’t regret the actions I took and it helped me realize I didn’t love him anymore and it was time to call it quits. He was devestated, but it honestly seemed like he was more hurt I wanted to break up than the cheating. In the end he “forgave” me and tried blackmailing me into staying with him. My family didn’t seem the least bit surprised or all that upset I cheated, they were angry at him for trying to “ride the gravy train” and basically gave me a pass.
No. 84243
I've been cheated on. I divorced his stupid ass ASAP.
It was at a really bad time though. I'd been dealing with untreated postpartum depression that turned into just regular old depression, plus a pretty serious eating disorder, and on top of that, a breast cancer scare (which later turned out to be nothing serious). He cheated in the middle of all of this—like before I found out I was in the clear, while I was still convinced I was about to die, and kinda wanted to, but still had to stay alive and keep it together for my kid. Plus we were broke as fuck.
The woman he cheated with knew he was married—we shared a best friend, so we sort of knew each other. He broke it off with her in an attempt to salvage our relationship, even though I told him I was leaving and there was nothing he could do to change my mind. I even told him he should stay with her, because he'll be awfully lonely soon.
It's cool now though. I'm working my dream job, doing the thing I've wanted to do since I was five years old. I'm living with my boyfriend, who is a handsome professor at a prestigious university on the East Coast. We travel, go to nice events, eat good food, drink good wine, and I don't have to worry about money anymore.
He is living in a shitty apartment with no college education, waiting tables in his 30s, drinking lots of beer, smoking lots of weed, playing lots of video games, and not really doing much of anything at all.
She's still a single mom with no college education, also waiting tables, still living in the shitty little town she grew up in. Still simultaneously crazy and boring.
They're not together, and they're both still thirsty as hell.
Feels good.
No. 84338
>>84243Hell yeah! That's a great end to the story and I'm so happy things have worked out for you (and it's nice to see that ass got his comeuppance). You're super strong!
Personally I'd probably deal with cheating really badly. I'm in a relationship now and I'd honestly lose control and throw something at my partner and tell them to leave and that they can arrange for movers to get their stuff. For someone to do something that horrible to their partner I wouldn't care if they had to crash on a friend's couch or at a hotel until they found a new place. They ruined the relationship so they should leave. I've had a past bf pressure me into sex by threatening to cheat on me and the threat of it was so horrible enough. I would be so utterly devastated if the cheating actually happened. Especially if it turned out my partner actually loved the person they slept with making it both emotional and physical cheating. That would be the worst
No. 84402
File: 1528280480067.gif (1.02 MB, 235x133, 1503934877920.gif)
My ex cheated on me and I found out randomly when checking his computer while he was out and I had a day off. He left his Gmail account logged in and I tried to open mine but redirected to his. Then one of the first emails had the name of the girl he supposedly didn't talk to anymore. I opened it and it said something like "He had a lot of fun last week, hope to see you soon, wanna go to place x?". I didn't want to be paranoid, when I found out about this girl he told me she was just his friend but he could block her if I wanted. I said nothing but he did anyway. I played dumb for a few weeks, then I cheated on him with a friend of his and posted nudes on the board he went to which he instantly recognised it was me, he got angry seeing a lot of dudes wanting to fuck me and asking for contact info. A few days after that we broke up. I never even hooked up with the people from that board, just wanted to fuck with him.
Few years later he tried to be friends with me and noticed he was dating a former friend, knowing she was abusive and knowing he abusive I told nothing to both parts and just watched the drama in the following months until they broke up because they overshared on Facebook a lot. After they broke up I just blocked them because it wasn't fun anymore.
No. 84452
A guy I met on Tinder used me to cheat on his girlfriend of 4 years. He'd presented himself as single, but after we had met and hooked up, I started to get a feeling that something was very wrong. 30 minutes of online research later, I found the name of his girlfriend, and proceeded to contact her with dozens of screenshots and chat logs that proved what had happened. I felt so fucking bad about it and so angry. She seemed shocked. She told me that they had discussed opening their relationship over a year ago but that they had never officially agreed to do it.
He didn't make it easy to find the truth either. It was only through his profile on Couchsurfing that I found his info connected to a young woman's from the same city. I managed to find her Facebook (which was under a different name), but the privacy was all locked down, so I couldn't be sure of anything. However, her mother had some public photos of her, her daughter, and the guy on vacation, and those photos made it obvious they were together.
I have absolutely no regrets telling the girl about what was happening. I feel like I was able to pull the fire alarm in her house before she realized it was already burning down. I have NO respect for cheaters and would dump one immediately, and I am fucking disgusted that me being 'the other woman' is going to be a stain on my conscience forever, despite the fact that it happened without my knowledge or consent. UGH.
No. 100646
>>100640I did the same. I was in a heavily abusive relationship to the point of suicide and his friend knew how bad it was and took advantage of it. Just talking me up like, "I know he's a dick, I can rescue you from him, we can get away together and be happy" and so I cheated and thought I would be free.
I wasn't. He told my bf and the whip came down on me harder and I had no escape, couldn't trust anyone and fell apart even more. It was truly hell. He dumped me like 6 months after hanging it over my head every single day, using it as justification for telling me to kill myself and how he hated me but would be the only one who'd ever love me because I was worthless, etc. Funny that he was cheating on me the entire time and left me for her.
Looking back I hate that I did it and don't justify it, my head was completely fucked like yours. I'd never cheat now and if my current cheated I'd leave.
No. 100697
File: 1542137755672.gif (748.98 KB, 500x269, 1486577804507.gif)
>How strongly do you feel about cheating?
Pretty strongly depending on the circumstances
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?
Yes, I would be hurt but relationships aren't exactly a priority to me. I'm fine on my own
>Would you forgive it to a point?
First strike and you're out
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence?
See above
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?
Most of the blame would be directed towards my partner so I'd say 60/40
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
I've cheated and have had partners cheat on me before
>Have you ever been with a taken person?
Sex yes, relationship no
>Share your experience.
I had a lot to drink with a colleague who I was good friends with and we had sex. We were both in a relationship with other people but attracted to each other, sex was good regret wasn't
No. 100779
>>100760Does it even matter? I used it twice to describe the same person
Anyways it was a guy
No. 100797
>>100791Wow that butt hurt by it
I have my own reasonings for using them
But go off I guess
No. 100819
>>84402late replier, but boi do I relate on the front of watching drama unfold, it feels like some kind of revenge, but without getting your hands super dirty.
I've gotta tell this story because I've kept this in for so long
My main reason for breaking up with ex, was because of this other friend group he had at this liberal arts college. In the group, he once had a crush on this girl he grew up with, but they remained "best friends" while they consistently acted like a couple for years. This was all due to their hyper-liberal friend group believing that "cuddling, rubs, and intimacy can be platonic!" and they all consistently had relationship issues and cheated on their significant others. Half of them were non-binary too.
Every time we'd all hang out, I was expected to be chill with them cuddling. I had spoken out multiple times but it took a month for him to consider that it was inappropriate and to quit. I was more mad with him, than her, but she for sure irritated me. She pretended like she didn't know it obviously made me uncomfortable, and she even told me I was too "traditional."
Fast forward another month, I break up with him, he's a mess weirdly enough. He tries hard to prove to me how much he's over me, and invites me to one of their parties. I end up talking to this one guy from their inner friend group who is super interested and knows I'm single now. We hit it off, and then I get pulled aside by the girl who always cuddled with my ex. She goes "So I really like that guy you're talking to, and have for awhile, and you guys being close is kinda making me anxious" and I intentionally replied with more or less "Oh don't worry, it's totally fine. We're just gonna cuddle, it's completely platonic!"
She had the audacity to think it's cool to be intimate with my boyfriend for months, but the moment I touch her /crush/ she thinks it's different.
So him and I do that on the couch, and she leaves the party crying. I usually am such a softie and hate seeing another girl cry because I can be sensitive too, but wow I was so goddamn amused.
No. 100824
>>100822just be that person anon, you may not be a PI, but all PIs start freelancing to begin with. A guilty conscience loves comfort.
Redeem yourself, and offer her solace if she chooses to pursue legal remedies.
No. 100849
>>100847>>100828>>100830ty anons.
Bonus points for her posting on twitter later that week about having bpd lel
No. 100858
File: 1542312911808.png (587.72 KB, 642x701, disgust.png)
>>100819>>100849all of this is just vomit inducing. i had a friend group just like that once and they all joked about their "incest" because everyone had dated each other. they were really shitty people despite being extreme SJWs and stuff. sage for blogging
No. 102207
>>102037god, my family has had the same situation.
my mom cheated on my dad recently, she even told him she was cheating.
he put our family into deep debt, all he would ever do when he got home from work was demand food be ready for him and complain to me about 'doing nothing around the house'. anything else he did was sleep and watch football replays. he never paid bills, except bills for our old house he refuses to sell and 'rent' to my uncle's ex-wife, who won't even pay rent so that's even more money my dad's shilling out trying to be the "good guy". he crashed every car my mom has had.
his existence was basically nothing to us. he got his license taken away one year and he made me drive him to work an hour away despite having a coworker that gladly offered to carpool him, he refused because she wanted to leave earlier than he liked.
i demanded my mom kick my dad out of the house because of how much we all disliked him. it worked for a few weeks, then my dad came back because my mom let him. i saw who my mom was cheating on my dad with and i so badly waited for the day my dad was out for good. it never happened. i'm sure she told him she was cheating so he would change, but it won't. they went to a financial advisor and everything and in the back of my mind i'm repeating to myself "he's the problem, kick him out".
my mom's a narc too. i bet she didn't want to seem like a failure to all her facebook friends, but she's failed in my eyes for letting my dad stay.
No. 103392
>>83805Honestly, if I ever got a bf/husband somehow and he cheated on me, I wouldn't do anything.
Men can't really stay faithful, and I wouldn't blame him for wanting to be with other women.
No. 103400
>>103392Bf I would dump fairly quickly granted I wouldn't have major ties to him, and just an apartment plus misc. stuff to dissolve.
Husband though? Considering there's financial implications and possibly even a family, breaking up wouldn't be so easy. I might be in the same boat as you ladies in that case. Marriage is definitely something to work on first before throwing in the towel, for many sakes.
No. 103843
>>103840NTA but I could think of several ways
- maybe he knows social media/mail passwords (my ex and I shared all social media account info for some reason)
- maybe he snooped through her phone/computer/stuff while one was visiting the other
- friends saw her or she talked to someone about it and he just got told
idk, it’s not like they NEVER saw or see each other
No. 103931
>>103929lol you fucking retard. thats the same as some idiot justifying their shoplifting by claiming to be poor so they deserve it.
how about work through your bitterness instead of making it worse. gl in life sweaty
No. 103987
>>103931>>103843Anons, the guy I cheated with told someone WHO told him. so not only was I unfaithful, but also fucking retarded.
I didn’t sleep with him, at the very least. But still, cheating is horrible and never worth it.
No. 104020
ive never been cheated on to my knowledge but if i'd found out my attraction would go from 60-0. i wouldn't even be able to stay with someone who disrespected me like that, because it'd be impossible to love them anymore. I was chatting up this guy for awhile who eventually admitted to cheating on his ex and I dropped him on the spot just because any attraction I had completely shriveled up and died.
>>104003cheating isn't a mistake, it's a very conscious effort. they made the series of intentional choices to betray you. no one trips into a vagina and goes "oops, I cheated," they actively pursued fucking this person behind your back.
No. 104034
File: 1545818912976.png (1000.29 KB, 1280x720, Lisa_1.png)
>>104006I admire how you were able to juggle 10. I mostly would have one main boyfriend, and then the most I had was like.. 4 side-guys. I would use them all for a combination of emotional support/ sex/ etc. As for myself, I don't really care much on being turned on knowing that I'm cheating. It's moreso having a void in your heart that you use other men for. If one man doesn't have what you want, you seek another and… the cycle continues. It's hard to find a man that encompasses all of the traits and qualities I look for in an ideal partner, so I just juggle them. It's pretty sad and inevitably I do get caught but, it's just the reality I have to face for someone like myself. It's not even being a special snowflake either. I make sure to get STD tested and make sure my schedule matches my plates.
As of right now… I have one main boyfriend, and only have a few side toys I somewhat invest my time in. Iunno. I guess I'm just a sociopath that needs that validation in my life.
No. 104045
>>104034Have you tried just having lots of close friends alongside a partner instead, or even being upfront about not wanting monogamy, maybe even just calling yourself poly?
I have a lot of emotional needs too but I found that it's easier to just be honest, hurting people isn't worth it
No. 104053
File: 1545860215081.jpeg (12.9 KB, 225x225, images (3).jpeg)
>>104034Jesus fucking christ. I think my day would have been a lot better if I didn't read that.
No. 111927
>How strongly do you feel about cheating?
I think it's fucked up in most circumstances, but there are a lot of other factors. Are you married? Are you in a casual relationship? Is it a long distance thing? I don't know. For my current relationship, I would be deeply hurt.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?
Nah, I wouldn't. I'm married now but even before, people can make mistakes and I believe it's not the end of the world.
>Would you forgive it to a point?
If I really loved them, I would try. If I found out my husband cheated on me, it would be painful and take years but I would want to work on our relationship.
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence?
This I can't deal with. No. That would be far too painful, I've been with someone who cheated regularly before and it made me feel like I was losing my fucking mind.
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?
50/50 blame on the cheater and the one they're cheating with.
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
I've cheated on two of my boyfriends, I was an underage teenager and they were t e r r i b l e adults so I think I should get a pass. If they weren't emotionally abusing me, I probably wouldn't have had to go elsewhere to feel like I was valuable as a person. I felt guilty about it at the time, but now that I'm older I don't feel bad at all lmao. They deserved a lot worse.
>Have you ever been with a taken person? Share your experience
A different boyfriend of mine who cheated on me (woo) and got his ex-girl pregnant. He got super drunk after the funeral of his friend who died, hooked up with her, got a tattoo of her name. it was fucking crazy. he was seeing her for a while when she was first pregnant until she decided to get an abortion. He didn't break up with me, but they were spending an awful lot of time together so I think that's the closest I've come to it. Eventually I broke up with him for unrelated reasons. When I think of my past I fucking cringe and I have no idea how I didn't turn out worse.
No. 112805
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?
kind of, had some rough times when my SO was almost losing his shit over a gurl he always liked.
for us It's ok if sex happens with other people but there are some very basic, very important rules.
that fool was acting totally out of his mind over said girl, disregarding rules and shit.
almost dumped him about this.
I know the flashy dreamcastle hormones can be quite a ride, but damn..
long story short, in the end we worked it out and learned a lot, but I have seen shit like this go wrong so many times.
imo disrespecting someone who trusts and treats you with respect is why "cheating" is such a horror for most of us, that many of us get jealous as fuck and/or scared of being left alone by someone we trusted.
there are less worse things than people who dump a respectable partner like:
'now it's my new flame and our temporary stupor against the rest of the world! fuck everyone else, disregard everything!'
that's absolutely pathetic human bevahiour and not romantic at all.
But these occasions are always a reality check that some people are self unaware troglodytes who get fucked over by brain chemicals and their own ideals, wishes and whatnot.
unwilling to reflect their own position in the world and acting like they're helpless victims of life who are getting pushed around by overwhelming forces,
personal responsibility is a myth for them.
all that shit taught me to avoid romantic stuff with people who aren't at least trying to be aware of the mechanics.
No. 113189
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>hottie Danish tall friend is coming to my country
I was into him for years but now I have a boyfriend we are getting married soon
Actually considering fucking him and just moving on with my life
No. 113295
>>113292One night stands. First, they've proven they can disconnect themselves from sex and don't see it as special (I do because I'm a romantic fool, sue me). Second, it's risky behaviour and they could catch an STD.
If "emotional cheating" includes kissing/cuddling I'd still consider it bad but not
as bad as sex. I'd still break up though.
If "emotional cheating" is just a close, emotional bond with someone of a gender they can be attracted to but no further…I don't care. In that case every bisexual is constantly cheating if they have any close friends while dating. We're bisluts after all.
No. 113314
>>113292I also think multiple one night stands. There is nothing accidental about it and after you did it once, you should have repented or broken up. I would definetly break up.
Emotional cheating is not too far away from having a close friend, which everyone is allowed to have. You might not realise you are hurting your relationship at first. If you notice and still continue, or are not willing to give up the relationship when found out, I would still break up. If you cut it off and work with me on bettering the relationship and communication, I would probably get over it.
Since emotional cheating probably has significant influence in the relationship, but physical cheating can be hidden Well, at least emotional cheating gives the other partner the chance to realise something is wrong and leave.
No. 113387
>>113335I'm the same, knowing that I had options stopped me from feeling trapped and improved my relationship. I have commitment issues so knowing that I could leave reminded me that I didn't actually want to, and knowing I can get other people to like me reassured me that I only actually want my boyfriend to like me.
It doesn't make it ok though. These things were fine when I had big a social circle and everyone was young and flirting with everyone else but now I only have time for my close friends, and damaging my friendships or work relationships just because of low self esteem or commitment issues isn't worth it anymore. Also I realised how disrespectful it is to my boyfriend. Now I make a point to avoid "orbiter" types and talk about my boyfriend constantly to lower the risk of falling back into those patterns.
No. 113393
>>113387wow it sounds like you ended up in the exact same frame of mind as me.
sad thing for me is one of the guys i strung along for a while got really hung up on me and still tries to reach out wherever he can find me. i've had to block him on every imaginable social media and website and i feel terrible that he's still that into me after a few years of ignoring him (in the best interest of my relationship and to be respectful to my bf like you mentioned). weirdly though it's like an ego boost because i always thought he was out of my league anyway. hopefully it's not fucking with his ability to find someone else though, i feel like i broke him lol.
No. 113401
>>113398Emotional cheating definitions vary from person to person but the rule of thumb is that it's whatever would make you feel guilty if you partner was watching.
I think it's healthy to have close friendships and value them as much as romance if not more, but if your partner doesn't make you happy or understand you like your friends do then why be with them?
I tell all my friends that love them or that they're looking nice, but actually flirting with them or implying that I could be interested in more would be crossing the line. If I were to only ever want to talk, spend time with or message them instead of my partner then that's a red flag too. Crushes are natural, it's nobody's fault when it happens, but how you handle that situation reflects on your fidelity. You don't want to accidentally fuckzone your friends or friendzone your partner.
>>113393If you made it clear to him that you're not available, and you don't want him to wait for you, then it's not your problem anymore.
No. 113407
>>113398I think emotional cheating is when someone in a relationship starts developing romantic feelings with someone else. Even if they don't physically act on it if they start becoming a part of each others routine and priority confidents.
Friendships are normal between both sexes and it's pretty obvious when people are friends vs interested romantically in one another.
>>113335>>113387Like other anons said I guess I had issues when younger with emotional cheating or orbiters. There were guys that would thirst after me online and I would engage with them and I guess encourage the behaviour.
Now that I'm older and more occupied with work and life I've cut ties with all that behaviour. I feel like my bf is out of my league lol and it's the reverse from my last relationship. It's made me reflect on that I did some shit I would be annoyed at my bf doing. I think it's a maturity thing maybe? When we're younger and after coming out of school and routinely being around your peers made you more eager for validation? Idk. Now I've actual goals those ego strokes seem fleeting and a risk to my overall happiness with the relationship I truly care about.
No. 113423
>>113419>Why didn't you tell them you were in a relationship?quite literally for the exact same reasons you mentioned. losing out on the "thrill of the chase", the power trip of keeping them hooked. most guys don't actually appeal to "bro code" if they're into you enough but i didn't want to scare off the ones that did. it was also kind of a sociopathic time of my life where i kind of enjoyed keeping secrets from all parties so in my mind it made as much sense to tell the guys i was flirting with that i was single as it did to hide that i was talking to other guys from my boyfriend. there have been a couple that knew i was taken and still pursued though, i think that's just a representation of how little respect they actually have for other mens' situations/feelings. once you're in that territory it's more about you both getting off on the taboo of the whole thing imo.
>>113421>It was this realization that made me stop because I felt "what if someone did this to me" and felt terrible.same, honestly. i had what i'll call an emotional growth spurt a few years ago and finally came to terms with what a huge scumbag i was being. my emotional cheating saga has made me incredibly suspicious of all boyfriends i've had though funnily enough. only because i know how easy it is to hide.
No. 113449
I haven't emotionally cheated on years but honestly reading this thread is starting to make me itch for that validation again even though we're all in agreement that it's a not a cool thing, I feel like some weird
triggered junkie kek. I'm
>>113387 so it's just as well that I cut off any people that could feed that, maybe this is a sign that I need to take on a new career challenge or something.
No. 113690
In my late teens I was in an abusive relationship and cheated several times, mostly emotionally & through nudes and sexting. Did give a handy once too but never anything else.
Fresh out of hs, I was the “other woman”, knowingly. I met a guy who was in a relationship and encouraged him to cheat & leave her. They were living together at the time. We ended up dating, but surprise, he cheated on me as well. That should’ve been a no brainer but I was dumb. I don’t regret having done what I did though, to be frank.
I don’t cheat anymore and I don’t really have the desire to. I’ve been dating the same man for 3 years and never once thought to cheat, and I don’t think I ever would again. It’s a bit cowardly in my opinion. Just break up if you want to fuck someone else.
I don’t care about the act too much myself, I have a low sec drive and don’t put much value into sex. But I think overall it’s a flag that someone isn’t emotionally invested, could have more red flags, and it’s a waste of time. I don’t think too poorly of people who do cheat, as long as they leave the relationship after or try to make it work & leave before cheating again. Mostly I just like to see the partner take the step to dump the cheater, so that they can meet someone better. That being said- the cheater is always to blame in my opinion. Lots of people like to blame the “other” girl or guy, but at the end of the day it was your gf/bf’s opinion. They weren’t tempted by some succubus, they decided on, chose, and acted on a desire. That being said, I expect teenagers to cheat, so while I can understand it being upsetting, as a teen I wouldn’t have expected better, nor do I think teenagers now should of each other. Obviously as an adult you should grow out of cheating.
No. 113768
>>113766This is such devisive topic that someone will always disagree with whatever you choose.
I think you should tell her though, late stage pregnancy is such a vulnerable and helpless state, let her have the choice to leave him whilst she can still lift things.
She might still decide a bandaid baby is perfect though, which leads to 'staying together for the kid'.
No. 113770
>>113768They already own a house, car and dog together and is very family oriented. I know he will be away from home for 3 weeks in July and every other weekend from August and 10 months forward(work). That's a lot while she is potentially carrying his child. He does love her, but is doing it because he has sexual needs that are not being met. I'm almost certain he will be able to talk his way out of it(same reason he is not scared to open up about it).
It's a lot of potential damage but she's only 28 and has time for a do over if that's what she wants..
No. 113783
>>83805I've never shared this story before but I still feel very guilty about it all these years later even though I didn't do it knowingly.
I was in a virgin in college and I met a guy I thought was pretty cute. He would invite me and my roommates over and we'd all drink with his friends. Just for context, we had suite-style dorms, so each suite had 8 or so people living in it. Eventually we had sex, and he would text me on a few occasions to come over and fuck. I didn't really want a relationship with him at the time but I enjoyed the sex and he was attractive and nice. Never once did it dawn on me to ask if he had a girlfriend. I was naive and did not have much experience with relationships (sexual or otherwise) in general so I just kinda rolled with things. I got a little weirded out one time when he invited me over and I just laid on his bed talking to him but not initiating in sex, then he had his suitemate pretend that my roommate had knocked on the door to get me so that I would leave. I know because when I went upstairs she was super confused and had no idea what I was talking about. After that, I didn't go to see him anymore, because I was really weirded out and felt hurt. He texted me a few times after but I just ignored it.
I didn't even know I had him added on Facebook but low and behold he popped up in my timeline with a girl a few months later. Out of curiosity I started looking through his FB and saw he had been in a relationship with this girl since high school, and judging by the pictures posted throughout he had been with her even when we were having sex. It made me feel horrible because she looked like such a sweet, innocent and loving girl and the fact that he had cheated on her really disgusted me. The reason why I've thought of this again is that I saw they're getting married soon.
No. 113792
>>113770men (anyone, really) that decides to CHEAT on their significant other that they're married to bc their "sexual needs aren't being met" are absolute fucking trash in my eyes. esp. men who cheat on their pregnant SOs under the guise of "lolol my SO who's undergoing a huge hormonal change and is under a lot of stress has a low libido so they're useless to me now i'm gonna go fuck somebody else". it just furthers my notion that some men only see us and value us to the extent of our fuckability/availability to fuck.
you should def tell her, with evidence to back you up so she can't cry that you're just "lying to break them up". whether she stays or leaves is her choice. if he hadn't wanted his marriage ruined he wouldn't have cheated or told you about it in the first place.
No. 113794
>>113792It's not even because she doesn't put out, she's just a bit vanilla that's all. He even cheated on her before they got married.
I'm gonna try and figure out if she's actually preggo and then tell her sometime when he's away from home or sooner if I have to.
No. 113795
>>113794>she's just a bit vanilla, that's allWoe is he, for his betrothed cannot juggle ten tiki torches with her fanny and do reverse somersaults on his cock whenever the lord of the house demands it.
What a crock of dirty shite.
No. 113799
>>113792tbh being cheated on after years of marriage or because I am/was pregnant is a fear of mine. How can you say you love and value someone while you devalue what they've gone through for/with you?
>>113795Such a lameass excuse for cheating, wtf. She should know. Fucking dick.
No. 113807
>>113799I just realised I definitely shouldn't know this much about their relationship and sex life in the first place. He is sharing too much.
>>113805I love when it's the guy who wants to open up the relationship and can't find anyone to have sex with, but it's super easy for the woman lmao
No. 114033
>>113794She should just cheat on him with someone who actually makes her cum, then proceed to inform her balls and chain as to why she did it.
Males only learn that something is wrong if you do it right back at them.
No. 285464
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I forgave it once because it was just one night of sexting and he immediately confessed the day after, I think he was truly disgusted with himself but even then the relationship did not survive, we broke up right after and it hurt to think about long after the relationship was done. I also cheated once, it was a one-time drunken sexual affair with a woman who was very persistent in pursuing me (she knew I had a boyfriend, she was also his coworker). I also confessed the morning after and also was not able to forgive myself for a long time even. It was the one and only time I have ever cheated or even come close to cheating on a partner. I think finding out from your partner after a very brief regrettable interaction with someone is better than finding out about a long-term affair, especially if you find out about it from some third party. But either way it's pretty sickening. Being on both sides of cheating within the span of a year ruined my ability to believe in love, honestly.
No. 285466
This is going to sound like a scrote take, but I wouldn't care about a woman I'm with cheating with another woman, but I would care if it were with a man. It's not because I don't think that the former is as serious as the latter, but because the former is hot, no risk of pregnancy, less risk of STDs, not dealing with a potentially violent scrote on our case etc. I don't really feel possessive or jealous and it's not like I'm a saint, because I've been with taken women when I was a teen. I don't like how when a scrote is inserted into the situation, automatically their thing becomes the more legitimate situation. Like there is nothing left to forgive, the moment that happens the only future you have with her is maybe as a third, because you've automatically been demoted. Society accepts the new pairing more, the guy acts like he owns the place and was there before you. Maybe he's lesbophobic and ends up being violent. Either way he's going to be a nuisance, so you can't even be friends anymore afterwards. Meanwhile it's also just a lot more gross to me personally. I've been interested in women who were/are in unhappy marriages, but that is one thing, where you would know what you're signing up for. And she's in the process of leaving a scrote, opposite of going for them again. Is it hypocritical of me? Probably.
No. 287225
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>have you ever cheated?
>be me,19, retarded , low self esteem
>in a relationship wherein I was groomed and being played but my dumbass kept giving this guy chances.
>tagging along with my friend at a party
>her bf’s friend is there, he is lean and muscular, hot body sort of a butterface white dude
>later that night we were tripping on some acid
>he comes up to me
>he’s flirty, I flirt back, don’t expect it to go anywhere else.
>he follows me to the restroom
> “anon let’s do it”
>”no.”
> “pleeaase I’m dying to.”
>”no thx”
>back and forth
>” I have a bf” I tell him.
>”I won’t tell anyone, you’re just so beautiful and it’ll feel amazing rn”
>I fuck him because why not
>no joke the best sex I’ve ever had, he was so fast and deep with his strokes, and caressed/seduced me so well. This dude was a whore and all his experience wasn’t for nothing
>that was euphoric
>he kisses me after and says I’m beautiful and that was sooo amazing and it’ll stay between us
>the next morning I wake up to my phone going off
>it’s the bf”please tell me it isn’t true”
>I confess
>my friend and her bf told him all about it
>butterface tells everyone he says that I was easy (looking back he pretty much coerced me)
>dumped
> still hanging out and partying with these people who call me a whore and make me the butt of their jokes for the next week or so.
>one catty little bitch gay moid slaps my face while I’m high off my ass and my friend laughs
>my friend goes through my phone and laughs at me while I’m asleep
>butterface brags about doing me all the time, calls me easy, says he doesn’t love me.
>when we are alone he says I’m so beautiful and he is falling in love with me.
>I finally leave his place, and stop talking to everyone there
>my friend texts me “butterface misses cuddling you while he’s high.”
>he asks me to come back repeatedly for like three weeks
>after this point I just block him
This was a low point in my life there were more factors to me fucking him and staying around only to be called the “ugly friend” and “easy” and a hoe, etc. and trip with them and get drunk. I obviously had such shit self esteem to begin with. From having a shitty family and being bullied, etc. Now I am really socially anxious and I feel dirty sometimes when I’m having sex. My bf that I cheated on forgave me and we tried being friend after a while, he said he would forgive me if we got back together and we did but it did not last. He went on to not yet find another gf that is why groomed me because nobody around his age wants him. He couldn’t even find another dumb young thing.
As for me I am full of regrets and I just want to erase that entire part of my life. Maybe I deserved it, maybe I’m not taking responsibility for my actions, but fuck I feel like I didn’t deserve all of that. He begged me while we were high! I was not in my right mind and he kept on asking and asking and he said I was easy. I do not party anymore for days on end, I go to work and school and I do not have friends anymore. Im honestly distrustful and weary of people now, including myself.
I understand that things could’ve gone so much worse and I could’ve maybe been murdered or something, partying as a girl with a “friend” who throws you under the bus is awful.
my friend got fat. so did her bf, they still party but they depress me because it doesn’t seem fun anymore.
Butterface is a ghoulish coke head these days, he seems to have gotten smaller and scrawnier.
No. 287227
>>287225Samefag I am not friends with her anymore. Also I don’t do drugs or drink anymore.
I do not recommend cheating!
No. 287733
>>287726Is he heavily tattooed himself?
I have some and the only time I don't run away from men who want to approach me using muh tatts as a conversation starter.. is when they have plenty of them too. If its a shared interest thats fine and you can compare artists and experiences. Its not so cool when untatted men just want to get a one sided tour of your work because they think its hot.
Hes a shithead either way and should be dumped, without hesitation.
No. 315425
>>83805>How strongly do you feel about cheating?i hate it its the most childish thing to do even tho most people do it even when they love their partner.
>Would you dump a partner immediately if they did it once, regardless of how in love you were with them?No just because I feel lonely but if I had multiple guys around me waiting yes.
>Would you sweep it under the rug even if it was a regular occurrence? no
>How much blame do you place on the person they cheated with (assuming they knew they were taken)?I almost got in a fight because of that whore
>Have you ever cheated or been cheated on?Yes
No. 411086
>>285468>>403648Based
>>285466Please come to the American Midwest. I need you
No. 450524
>>450522As has been said, if this is real holy shit that is not what you need to worry about right now. You need to get the hell out of there.
But also because I hate when people answer me without answering me, yes there are websites for cheating but your best bet is to just plan a 'trip to visit family' or something and go out and meat people in the real world. The social scene close to a university is usually a fairly safe bet with saner than average people.
No. 450528
>>450523Yeah I know what you're saying but it will take a while to leave and I honestly just want to use someone for some physical pleasure or conversation while I'm struggling. I just want to have a little release.
>>450524I know, I just really miss having sex with someone who at least pretends they like me. Which most men do at first to get laid. I want someone to like actually touch me or laugh, I want to remember what's out there instead of feeling powerless. I'm not looking for love or someone to save me.
I do feel stupid posting about it but figured if anyone on here has done it they'd know safer websites than anything I'd find from a man.
No. 450531
>>450528I only know the big name that is Ashley Madison and I can't personally vouch for whether it's any good or not. I'm guessing you can't really stray far from home?
If you have the money, fucking around on a vacation, like a cruise, is usually how I blow off steam (not cheating, just dressing like a slut where no one knows me).
I've met a lot of, at least seemingly, decent men by playing a couple of MMOs over the years that I'd fuck around with online and that never blew up in my face; though I always make sure that tattoos and my face are never involved, I'm very fastidious about keeping identifying information out of it. These days I've just got a couple of boys I like that I can have lewd chats with added on an alt discord account for when the mood hits.
>>450529This is a very real possibility for sure. If he's that shitty to begin with he's probably paranoid and insecure. Definitely don't want a face or identifying tattoos in any kind of online profile.
No. 451608
i have a fetish for married men tbh i love tempting them and being their secret. i always feel horrible for the wife though.
>>451605it's why i don't date/commit. i look at other people as vehicles for sex. i've been cheated on so i know how it hurts. it's easier to deal with human relations if you just use people selfishly rather than trying to be faithful ime.
No. 452355
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What would you do in a following situation:you are in a long term relationship, and then one evening drink too much, get so shitfaced you cheat on your boyfriend and dont even know it until the man you slept with tells you about it afterwards. Purely hypothetically of course.
No. 452406
>>452393If you don't feel violated, then I'm glad for you and I wouldn't encourage you to overthink it and find trauma where there is none, but I would also never trust this man again and do your best to distance yourself from him because this is exactly the sort of situation where men will lie, gaslight, and manipulate even if it's on tape with witnesses in front of god and the president and they're 100% in the wrong. Rapists and predators deny deny deny. It is extremely unlikely that you were blackout drunk and yet looked fully sober and able to consent. He saw you intoxicated to the point of no memories and still chose to fuck you, probably because you looked easy to victimize. I bet that if you went up to him and told him you didn't consent, he'd drop the "apologetic" act and lose his shit really quick.
If the women in your shared social circle are trustworthy enough, you should warn them that he did this and tell them that he's a danger, but swear them to secrecy so that the whisper network can keep them safe without giving him a chance to lash out and attack you. I got this kind of heads up exactly once in college and I really appreciated it.
I don't know enough about your life situation and social circles to say what to do beyond that because I know exactly what my autistic choices would be but I don't think I can recommend them to other people (I'd break up with my s/o because I've seen and read so many cases of men choosing to believe that rape was cheating and turning to abuse and resentment, and once men are unhappy with you, they will never forgive you again–better to start with a clean slate–but I know that's asking a lot of a stranger. I just know I could never keep it a secret and the stress would kill me.) so I think I will reiterate that you should follow up with the STD and pregnancy tests and also see a therapist to talk about this.
No. 452749
>>452719Like what do you gain by doing this? The thrill? The affirmation that you’re desired and that you still got it?
Is it not better and more simple to be single and just sleep around freely without having to hide, lie and deceive?
I honestly respect “sluts” more than mistresses or even people who are into open relationships or polyamory as much as I find them weirdos, at least they’re open.
No. 454493
>>453827TIFs are the biggest pick mes. It’s disgusting how she still asked for comfort knowing damn well, I hope she gets her karma tenfold. Sorry nonna.
But how were you even dating her? Aren’t they the ones who uses their partner as a validation puppet and want you to have sex with them as men and let’s not dwell on the fact that they have to talk about trans at least twice a day. I’d never have that kind of patience.
No. 454646
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Every single incident of cheating I've been involved with was the result of assault, but I was complicit for letting evil scrotes walk all over me and get the idea that I'd "let" them assault me. Makes me very ashamed and the trauma is extremely difficult to navigate. I'd like to think I've learned my lesson but I am still a pushover. This is how the two incidents went:
>be younger me
>naive and assume the best of everyone
>have a lot of male friends, used to one of them confessing their "love" for me every so often despite their knowing i was in a relationship
>always told them i wasn't interested but appreciated the honesty and hope we can remain on good terms
>they say of course
>they keep bringing it up to me anyway, hitting on me no matter how many times i tell them to stop or ignore them, telling me they need me, thehy're madly in love, they can't imagine being with anyone else for as long as they live
>beg them to act normal and not put me through this because their feelings aren't my responsibility
>they say ok but it always starts again
>gets to the point where they hug me and while doing so feel my body in such a way that they can maintain benefit of the doubt and call me crazy if i call it out as sexual, too scared of seeming insane to say anything, freeze up and panic, excuse myself to leave
>next time seeing them it always escalates to them trying to grope me or force themselves on top of me as i start crying and shaking and begging them to stop
>"oh nonnie i don't know what came over me i'm so sorry i hate myself it won't happen again"
>try to believe them, too shaken up to argue, too scared of being a bad person to chew them out, don't want to be mean by "abandoning" them, just try to ignore it and pray it doesn't happen again, constantly remind them to not try to do anything again
>it happens again, gets worse every time, my reactions become more severe every time (crying in public, vomiting from panic, hyperventilating) but it doesn't stop them from trying to say they "need to be honest about how they feel" before touching up on me as i freeze up before panicking again
>ends with them sexually assaulting me (fingering me in my sleep and i wake up to them rubbing their genitals on me) and i start freaking out sobbing and screaming and i finally cut them off for good
This has happened twice, almost identically. And every time, I felt like the bad guy. I recognize my complicity in it and take resposnibility, so it's hard for me to not blame myself since if I had a spine and didn't react with trauma responses, none of it would've happened in the first place. I apologized to my then-boyfriend that it had happened, and we never spoke about it again. But ever since these incidents I have struggled to make sense of my identity because of how muddy my role in the matter was. I think I am too dysfunctional in this specific way to ever safely be around men, but sadly I have interests that mostly men have.
Anyway, I think cheating is often not a black and white matter. I know what I did isn't clean-cut cheating but I wouldn't say it's out of the whole ballpark. I'm absolutely more sympathetic to women who cheat, as it's usually something coerced, bred out of an already-bad abusive relationship, or the result of pent-up domestic frustrations. Men never have any excuse.
No. 454673
>>454646Gosh being a doormat is really detrimental when you’re a woman. Go to therapy and learn why you’re like that, you’ll be just putting yourself in shitty situations otherwise where people take advantage of you because you’re quiet easy to manipulate.
Your No isn’t any less than someone else’s and if they’re treating you like shit and overstepping your boundaries then you can cut them off, yes even without an explanation. Who cares if they call you a bitch or other names.
No. 454674
>>454646>I think cheating is often not a black and white matter.I disagree, cheating is often a black and white matter, in both sexes and those who say otherwise are simply guilty people who want to clean their consciences, like you.
There are few instances where cheating can be considered a gray matter, but even in those cases you’d still rather leave
>abusive relationship? Leave quietly and safely rather than risking your own life as a gotcha
>your scrote or girlfriend cheated on you?You’d rather leave immediately than cheat back and get back together.
No. 454675
>>4546461.Coercion isn’t cheating
2.pent up frustrations isn’t an excuse, if you can give a pass to women then you can give a pass to men too, which I bet isn’t something you’re willing to do. Having a relationship is hard but if you truly care about the other person then you’ll put effort.
3. Most women don’t cheat because they’re in an
abusive relationship, where did you even get that info?
Cheating is a selfish decision that one takes, it’s that simple MOST of the time. You care more about yourself than giving respect to your relationship. It’s a testament to the lack of discipline and morality too.
No. 454691
>>454673Don't worry, I've been in therapy for a long time since then. I was lucky enough to be in therapy as it was happening otherwise I would have most likely tried to stay "friends" with these people.
>Who cares if they call you a bitch or other names.I am way too sensitive to this kind of thing and it's the main reason I have a hard time with boundaries, but the older I get, the easier it becomes to not immediately internalize what someone else says about me. I wouldn't wish being a doormat on anyone, ever, especially not a woman.
>>454674I was pretty emotional while writing my earlier post. I don't disagree with you. I think you've misunderstood me, though, because my experience isn't maintaining that my conscience is clean–if anything I feel very much guilty, complicit, and responsible for what happened. I can't really make it any more clear that I wish that I had not conducted myself in the manner that I did. Any mention of potential explanations for how I behaved aren't excuses, they're just explanations. Nothing exists in a vacuum.
One guy was implying suicidal ideation, shoving me around into furniture, and being extremely cruel and generally unstable, so I felt morally obligated to try to be there for him even at the expense of my own safety and integrity, but obviously that was foolish of me given how he behaved. With that said, I'd like to make it clear that there was no sex with either of these men. We never even kissed. One of them would just forcibly grope me before I cried and ran off, and there was one time where that same guy made me a way too strong drink, I blacked out, and I woke up to him with his hands shoved down my pants. And that was when I knew I couldn't see him again. With the other guy, it was moreso him backing me into a corner to force me to listen to his sexual fantasies for the sake of his "mental health," always implicitly threatening suicide and hurting himself if I did not allow him to "get things off his chest." To me, both of these messed up dynamics felt close enough to cheating, regardless of coercion, that I needed to confess it to my then-boyfriend (who told me I was silly to be so distraught about whether or not it was cheating when I was being abused, but my head felt and still feels scrambled). Sorry for writing so much.
>>454675>where did you even get that info? Just anectodal. I should've said that most women I have personally known to confess to cheating have been in
abusive relationships.
>pent up frustrations isn’t an excuseI think some explanations are more understandable than others, not that it makes the act morally right. Women are expected to uphold most if not all domestic duties as if they were slaves, which can understandably make them grow resentful. Cheating is still cheating, of course.
No. 455509
>>454646You sound a lot like a friend of mine. Going through this really destroyed her ability to relate to others and I can see why, being so burdened by everyone else's actions as both mediator and
victim. I hope you're around better people these days, or at least around ones who bother to not act like animals in heat.
A surprise month of Hellmas is now in effect. For the rest of the month of December, VPN posting will be banned.