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Townhall is scheduled for May 22nd, GMT 2PM.

File: 1508403132830.jpg (44.43 KB, 1400x787, XRxVAG9.jpg)

No. 69267

What are your thoughts on getting engaged / married? Are any farmers here already the latter? Did you get a ring or have a proposal? How was the wedding planning experience? Have you discussed it with your s/o or maybe don't want to get married at all?

Just anything you want to add to the discussion!

No. 69282

I've been proposed to several times by ex-boyfriends and later on guys I barely knew (arranged marriages) and my parents couldn't understand why I said no and why I was against it. The pressure to get married in my community made me hate the whole topic of marriage for years. But now that I'm a little older and in a loving relationship with my boyfriend, I'm starting to really really like the idea. Unfortunately, my parents will probably be against me marrying him and I'll either get disowned or I'll cut them out myself.

No. 69285

My bf and I are engaged but we haven't figured out when we're gonna get married. I don't want a wedding cause they are expensive and unneccesary, my family on the other hand want a big wedding bash to show off and shit. I could really care less. My bf and I planned to sign the papers with a photog around, my dream wedding right there.

No. 69286

I'm not married or engaged yet, but I want to be someday. I am very frugal and don't want a lot of expense put into it. I don't need a $1,500 gold ring with a big diamond. A simple wedding band made out of a lower cost metal that resembles gold with no gemstone is ideal. I want to get married in a church with the bare wedding essentials expected in the U.S. like a dress, tuxedo, white cake, and invitations. The only frivolous thing I would spend money on in a wedding would be hiring local musicians to play for the dancing afterwards because I am a strong music lover who plays a couple instruments.

I hate how American television shows and magazines focus solely on expensive and meticulously planned weddings. This makes couples feel like they have to impress others or have a theme to their wedding. They should be using those thousands and thousands of dollars to save for a down payment on a home or paying off debt.

No. 69287

My husband proposed to me with a ring that was only like $300 when we were teenagers. I'm not really into jewelry so I'm glad he didn't spend much on it. We never planned a wedding. When I was younger I would dream about a big fairytale wedding, but as I got older I just never understood why I would want a wedding at all. So one day after being engaged for a while we decided to fill out the paper work, get our marriage license, then get married and we called it good.

We've been together for almost 10 years and wedding or not I think I have a successful marriage.

No. 69288

I'm engaged and my family is P I S S E D.

I come from a Jewish background and my family and relatives are nagging me, "Why are you marrying a goyim?" My babushka asked me on the phone if he's circumcised. Parents demand my bf to convert to Judaism first and also to have a Jewish wedding.

The engagement period is going to take longer than I anticipated, but my bf is for it.

No. 69289

>>69288
OT, but I always thought being Jewish is an ethnic thing and they don't really allow conversion to Judaism.

No. 69291

Married Farmer. Proposed to the old-fashioned way, down on one knee in public, but we weren't around a bajillion people and considering we had been together for close to a decade that he could surprise me was honestly wonderful. He was so nervous when he proposed and so nervous the entire wedding day, which is very unlike him. It had nothing to do with negativity or doubt, just he isn't used to the whole shibang and felt like a host trying to do everything and not fuck up.

Marriage does feel different, and I hear people in long term relationships say all the time that "nothing changes" but it is a noticeable difference and improvement to be officially recognized as a married couple, file taxes together, leave behind any doubt that maybe your partner is still looking for something better, solidly plan for large investments without the issue of "who's name is this going in, what happens if". Your parents also relax a lot. Ours both had full confidence in our relationship, as did our friends, so when we got married everyone enjoyed the wedding because it was a safe bet, not a "well, they still haven't seen this side of the other yet, they still havent done this yet". You may think it doesn't matter, but you hit a point where everyone starts to get married, whether they've weathered the world together or not because they want the attention and affirmation of their relationship (spoiler: it ends in divorce).

My piece of advice for those talking about having a wedding and avoiding "frivolous" expenses: Unless you're doing it in a public park with 25 people and doing low-end meals/home-prepped, you can't "out thrifty" the expense if you want to have a good number of people attend. People bitching about the industry mark-up are not privy to event planning. The Table rentals don't go up because "Wedding", your catering bill at $38per person for apps and dinner isn't "unfair", what makes it cost so much is multiple that by 100 guests, factor in the cost of servers, chefs, bartenders… Human labor is what makes it expensive. Not saying certain parts, like Wedding Cakes, aren't ridiculous, but if you want to host a wedding as an event, you should provide basic amenities for guests (shelter/bathrooms/food/alcohol). Buy pre-owned attire, purchase second-hand decorations (everyone sells this right after their wedding, no one wants 10 birdcages and a huge sign that says "RECEPTION -→"), don't get diamond or expensive bands, skip the DJ, there's a lot of advice on how save cost, but don't expect to host 100 people for under $12,000 unless you're pulling in a lot of favors.

No. 69294

i proposed to my boyfriend and it was the happiest feeling ever. we're getting married when he gets out of college in 2-4 years (maybe before grad).

No. 69301

I'm fine with a traditional engagement (ring, bending down one knee) but I would want it to be at least semi-private and with a ring under 1k.

However, now that I'm older and in a serious relationship, I've decided that I don't want a wedding at all. Maybe a dinner or get-together after we sign the papers, but not an actual wedding.

It seems like the internet is the only place where I can find people with a similar mindset. Most people in my life are totally cool with dropping 10k-100k to get their Pinterest Perfect(TM) wedding, are already looking for ideas and inspo before they're even engaged. It's a very obsessive thing for some people.

No. 69304

>>69294
You're marrying a man-child. Don't expect this marriage to last 10 years.

No. 69305

>>69304
sorry you're so insecure, anon.

No. 69307

>>69304
>woman gets proposed to
women should propose too! it's 2017, where my strong women at?
>women proposes to man
haha lame your bf is a cuck this won't last

kay

No. 69310

>>69285
>my family on the other hand want a big wedding bash to show off and shit
Have they offered to pay for it?

No. 69318

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>>69304

how do you have access to the internet with a fucking rock anon

No. 69319

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>>69310
The last time we talked about it was around half a year ago. They would either pay full or half of it, either way I wouldn't accept because it's gonna be their wedding and it's gonna suck, my family cares about appearance and impressing others.

No. 69323

I've been with my bf and we high school. He said he won't marry me until I get a job but I haven't had any luck for a couple years now. I don't plan to go to college so that doesn't help much. I was pretty pissed off at first but now I've just accepted it I guess. I'm 23 and he's 24 so it feels odd that our peers are getting married already and we're just sacks of potatoes in comparison.

No. 69325

>>69323
You should be more concerned about a lack of a job at your age than a lack of a husband, jesus christ. Barely anyone is married at that age so unless your peers are mormons you're exaggerating how common it is.

No. 69337

>maybe don't want to get married at all?
yep. something a bit peculiar about me is that my entire life including childhood I disliked the idea of marrying or a wedding. For the most part it's just something I never cared for, sort of like people who are just not interested in having children. I guess I'm also a bit scared of the commitment. It's not that I don't intend to have a relationship that will last forever, but realistic odds are that it won't, and I'd hate the idea of divorce.

No. 69340

>>69319
You do what you and your partner want, then. It's about you and your life together; hat other people want isn't important.

No. 69346

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>>69340
For sure! Some people don't see that, they say fuck what you want or think. Either way we're gonna do our thing and it's gonna be great.(photofagging)

No. 69368

Does anyone else feel impatient about getting engaged and then married? I know it would be the wrong time and it would be too soon, but I'm worried I'll end up waiting years with my boyfriend, who is wonderful, and then I'll have to find someone new but I'll be older. We've talked about it plenty and do plan to eventually get married and have children together, so at least I know that he has similar life goals. I don't think he realizes the time pressure I feel.

No. 69393

>>69267
I'm against marriage and would say no if a potential boyfriend asked.

No. 69398

>>69368
How old are you?

No. 69404

>>69304
this anon is right tbh

No. 69405

>>69404
children please leave.

No. 69407

>>69405
Speaking the truth makes me a child? lol

No. 69410

I'm getting married on the day of our anniversary (the day we just started dating). I'm really excited. I don't plan on having a huge wedding. Instead we're going to go on a month or two long honeymoon traveling. I'm only 22 but we've been together and living together for so long, I think nothing will feel different other than its on paper and official. And my ring will be a really sweet reminder of each other when we're both busy working. I think we might have a small Chinese style wedding with a tea ceremony and dinner, then head off to travel! We've talked about having kids. I think once I'm 25 I'll be ready mentally but I would prefer 28-29 so that I can fulfill my bucket list first. Buying a house would be our first goal before bringing in a baby so that way they have a comfortable upbringing and financially secure. I think having a small wedding helps save the cost for this and it's way less stressful.

No. 69415

I'm having so much stress planning my wedding. We've been arguing about how many extended family members to bring since it costs a lot of money per table, and obviously we can't invite everyone we hardly know. He wants to bring every relative at this point.

No. 69416

Married for 14 months already. Our wedding was average size, I suppose (~100 guests) and my mom handled everything planning-wise because I didn't want a big ceremony and she did.

My engagement story is pretty cute, though, IMO. He took me to see my favorite opera at the national theatre in the foreign country we were staying in and popped the question in our private box. It was just the two of us there, so it was very sweet and intimate.

We live in that country now and are super happy. I didn't think I would ever get married, but I love him so much that I caved.

No. 69422

I'm engaged, but haven't done it ~on social media~ yet. It's an open secret at this point. I've told my family and close friends. No real proposal, we just agreed we want to get married. I wear a ring, but don't have a proper engagement ring. He may buy me one, but I told him there's no pressure and I'd feel like it's unfair for me not to reciprocate the gift.

We're young and live in different countries, but have savings, but the "different countries" thing makes wedding planning difficult for inviting our families. I wouldn't mind a small wedding out in nature or at the courthouse, just us and maybe a few witnesses, and following up with a swanky hotel stay, but I know my family will want to see me get married…if they're footing the bill, I figure why not.

I've never understood bridezillas and expensive show-off weddings. My parents had an expensive wedding, but it was because my grandparents really wanted to throw them a big fancy thing. Being treated to a nice time is lovely, but I also feel like we should be saving money for our life together.

No. 69428

>>69323
You are going to be screwed with no future for retirement due to starting work experience so late. I think your bf is right, you can't really be ready for marriage unless you both equally contribute to the relationship and that includes financially.

No. 69429

I've been married for 2 years. We didn't have a marriage party. We weren't interested in feeding a lot of people that barely care about us. Also we are not religious so we just married for the convenience of it (so we are legally a family, in case one of us dies we have right to inherit stuff, etc.).

No. 69446

>>69398
Early 20s.

No. 69448

>>69289
This plus I thought it was okay for Jewish women to marry outside of their religion. Isn't the point of that to spread Judaism from the mother to her children?

No. 69461

>>69407
Not that anon but, you know what year this is right? I bet you think dating apps like bumble that force the girl to be proactive are full of 'manchildren' too right? Everyone should get the sand out of their vages. Do we want to bend the gender roles or not?

No. 69470

>>69323
>>69323
You guys sound pathetic. Get a job anon. Your peers probably got married already because they both work full time or go to school part time and work. Tell your bf to get a better paying job or go back to college if you want him to support you.

I've hired a wedding planner. It's so much easier and way less stressful. They can stick to your budget and you can just kick back and relax.

No. 69480

My #1 goal in life is to be married to someone I like. But I don't think it's happening anytime soon.

>>69325
I have a lot of Christian acquaintances who married after graduating from college. It's more common in certain communities than others.

>>69323
How the fuck do you get to 23 and never have worked? Who is going to support you?

No. 69499

>>69480
I babysat his little brother but I hardly got paid.
My bf supports me but all we eat is ramen and TV dinners. We've lived together with his parents but now we moved out together and so when the topic of marriage was brought up, this happens.

No. 69516

>>69267
I'm coming up on my one year anniversary.

I had a really nice proposal, out in the desert at sunset as a full moon was rising. Only problem is I detest my engagement ring but I live with it (I got to pick my wedding ring, which was the original engagement ring I wanted, so that was nice).

Wedding planning was a mixed bag. It turns out that even though I always had a mental idea of my dream wedding, my husband was super picky and opinionated and perfectionist about it all so many things changed, but I didn't care too much at that point because it just got to be exhausting sometimes, especially as we did everything ourselves.

Overall it wasn't too bad but there were some hiccups and accidents, like the wedding coordinator we had (who came with the venue) was a moron who didn't know what she was doing, she was just the fucking worst. Plus, she chose her biggest fuck ups for the day of the wedding, in that she conveniently lost the seating chart that we had sent weeks before and then whined that we didn't give it to her when she said she didn't have it five minutes before the ceremony, and then misplaced a bunch of lights/audio equipment, all before she disappeared with our music so she had to be tracked down to find it. She also forgot the plan for getting the cake set up and sent my poor brother, who was carrying the cake, on a giant walk around the venue to try to find the right place. This was on top of the fact that it rained super hard unexpectedly (destroying my hair style) and we ran super late because our car broke down so our families–who were meeting for the first time–had to introduce themselves before the ceremony. The funny thing is, because of all those stresses it made the actual wedding just feel amusing, if that makes sense.

Still, all in all it went well and I loved my wedding a lot. It was actually one of the better weddings I've ever been to (which makes me sound like an asshole, I know). All the food and music were great and it was in an aquarium so that was cool.

No. 69525

>>69516
you sound like a cunt

No. 69528

>>69516
Believe me, you sound like an asshole for more reasons than just saying your wedding is the best you've ever been to.

>didn't like the ring husband lovingly picked out for you

>insensitive to him having an opinion about how he wanted HIS day to be
>getting mad over someone losing a retarded ass seating chart
>still complaining about this shit a year later on an anonymous image board

No. 69545

>>69525
>>69525
You sound like a dumbass. She paid for a coordinator, its that persons JOB to do things correctly. A wedding is a big event, of course it should go smoothly, especially if you pay somebody to coordinate it. I would be annoyed as hell too if my hair got ruined on the one day I dolled myself up for a special occasion. Even after those mishaps, the anon is still positive about her experience so shut the fuck up lmao.

No. 69549

>>69525
Possibly.

>>69528
I'm assuming you didn't read the entire post since I also said I liked the wedding and enjoyed myself. And yeah, I paid for certain services and expect someone to be able to perform them, especially since (just to make it clearer), all of it had been sorted out well ahead of time, none of this was last minute. It's normal and expected for larger events to have seating charts too because otherwise people are confused as to where to sit and it affects how they are served (since some guests have certain dietary restrictions and seating charts are used to give individuals the correct dishes), so her screw up made things harder for the catering too.

As per the ring, what can I say, I didn't like it. I really doubt you love every single "gift" you've ever been given and I should clarify that I didn't give him shit about it.

But it seems anything wedding related just brings out the asshole in everyone.

No. 69551

>>69545
Hahaha Go samefag somewhere else about your stupid wedding.

No. 69552

>>69551
Doubt it's a samefag. And I agree with them, if you pay someone to do a job and they massively fuck up, I would be pissed too.

No. 69560

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I would gladly say yes if my bf proposed, but I would never take a man's surname. I think that's humiliating.

I don't know how to pick out a surname for our future kid, though, since I already have two and the kid can't really have 3 so I guess I'll have to pick one and insult one side of my family. Anyone else with this kind of problem?

No. 69563


No. 69570

>>69563
Legally yes this is an option. But it's just not that popular. By tradition, the male passes down the family name or the couples choose to keep their names in tact. That's just how it is. It would also be hard for your kid to trace their family history if you have some weird hybrid name but that's just my opinion. I prefer to stick to tradition.

No. 69583

I've been married for about 3 months now. We ended up marrying a lot earlier than we expected to because we bought a house. Close family and a couple friends know but not really anyone else. I'm hyphenating my name.

Make sure to live with the person before getting married for at least a year so you know EVERYTHING about day to day life with them. Understand that nobody is going to have zero habits that irritate you so stay with someone who has ones you can live with. I've been living with my husband for 2 years and dating for 2.5 and we haven't had a bad argument at all because we stress communication above everything else. Make sure you can both learn to recognise when you're just grumpy and not actually mad at the other person.

We had a secret wedding and are planning on telling people we eloped and having a small reception next summer.

My ring isn't a diamond because I wanted an opal instead and I love it. When we can afford it, I want to get my husband the matching men's ring.

It can be a challenge (my husband is a massive baby when comes to being sick and it drives me insane) but I wouldn't give it up for anything.

No. 69584

>>69570
>That's just how it is.
>I prefer to stick to tradition.
merci pour votre contribution

No. 69592

>>69560
Simple, just don't have kids.

If you really feel you must, do what >>69563 suggested and merge your two names together.

No. 69593

>>69583

I lived with my boyfriend for seven years before we got married. I can't stress how important it is to live with your partner for an extended period of time. Hopefully you'll have gone through some rough times so you can see how you, as a couple, deal with serious stress.

Live in sin for a while. It's the best indicator you'll have as to whether or not the two of you will make it.

No. 69594

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>>69570
>i prefer to stick to tradition
>i don't want to take his name

No. 69595

>>69583
>When we can afford it, I want to get my husband the matching men's ring.

Wow, what a cuck he is.

No. 69598

i have been engaged before and it was awful lol

the guy had zero ambition and my dad arranged for him a decent job because i was struggling to be able to live by myself and i hated living at home (i lived with my mum). anyway so we moved out together to an apartment (we were hs sweethearts). ended leaving apartment early because of plumbing issues blahblah, found a small house. i worked in the city and him at a company 5 mins away.

anyway. he ends up leaving his job because 'sad' (most likely regret throwing away many opportunities and being lazy) and guilted me and my dad to keep him a float until he found himself.

anyway, i'm working 40 hours a week and commuting 5-8hrs a week, while still having to do everything around the house. so our 5 yr anniversary comes up and he tells me to take week off work.

it was a relaxing week, just hung about. then he takes me to pizza hut for dinner on our anniversary, then proposes shortly after at one of our favourite walks. he did light candles etc, but i am terrified of the dark and he told me he lost his phone when he went for a piss…

anyway. it was an altogether terrible relationship and there was no romance. we weren't even intimate in the last 2 years (the present is like 4 years later and i honestly can't remember how the dude was in bed), he was very angry, addicted to the xbox, and always needed boys weekend to 'chill' out even tho he didn't work. my dad was helping me with a deposit for a house and my fiancé was acting so entitled and defiant. he actually snapped at me one day over house plans and where to put the plugs. he didn't even work or do housework! and he went home to his ma's everyday to get feed while i was out of the house.

anyway, i pulled out of the house and now 4 years later in my final year at uni. i really hope i can get a lovely proposal and plan a wedding and have a family. i do have a bf who has discussed family stuff (i am older now haha, my ex proposed to me when i was 21/22. we never even had an engagement party and only wedding venue we visited i gurned beforehand and didn't want to go) my current bf makes fun of me a bit for it all. and i would too lol

oh and the engagement ring he got me he got me online for under £100 because he didn't get the right size and the jeweller couldn't resize it because it was too soft of a metal. so he said no biggie and had me one order for next day delivery. he then told me it was a fake diamond too. just the whole thing was awful. his friends would damage property and be rude to me, and he would talk down and belittle me. i always was arranging trips to europe etc, before i dumped him i had organised one with his best mates and even they saw how much he nagged me and just was miserable. oh and i was in therapy for like a year before the break up. i had my own family issues, and he would throw them in my face and every fight was my fault because i was just ike my family. he said i needed to change etc. but he never wanted to hear about my therapy and 'recovery' (fyi i feel like my therapy was a waste of time, any impartial person could have told me what i heard, but at that time i didn't have many impartial people in my life). i finally dumped him because i wanted to show him a crystal my therapist had gifted me and something she told me, and he was just so flat out condescending and rude. i just dumped him on the spot and phoned my mum who was more an issue for me at therapy and asked her to move home. she said yea and i was gone that night.

i hope he tells people the real reason he was dumped. because after all the shite he put me thru and made out how much of a villain i was and unkind, that he, the kind starving artist could not have gave one fuck about me, my mental state or happiness. he just wanted my money

No. 69601

>>69595
How the hell does that make him a cuck?

That word is overused so much in situations that it shouldn't be, it barely has meaning anymore.

No. 69610

>>69595
>>69601
word definitely has meaning but (s)he's just being hateful or jealous, doesn't even make sense in that context

No. 69611

>>69610
probably because she's the only one who got a ring in this case

"being a cuck" nowadays mean literally "being taken advantage of"
not that her husband is either, but i can see why someone would think that

No. 69619

>>69611
As if that matters, if the ring was really that important I'm sure they could get one, his not having one (especially since they eloped) is not a big deal and says nothing about him. The word "cuck" is meaningless when it's used as a random, nonsensical insult like this.

>>69598
You're lucky you got out of it early or he would have taken more money in alimony payments.

No. 69624

>>69594
pretty sure the anon means the tradition is to take his last name, dumb ass. Not do some hybrid name

No. 69630

>>69563
>>69592
I'd be shamed heavily for making up a new last name or forging the two of my last names and adding his last name. ;_; It's like if you want everyone to call you T-bone or try to force a nickname like Fallen Angel for yourself …

I would not shame others for it nonetheless, though.

>Simple, just don't have kids.

Ikr

No. 69651

>>69267
I'm the former. We literally aren't having a ceremony or anythything because we kind of decided to elope so we only really want to get legally married asap. Honestly neither of us WANTED to get married but it was more that we didn't want to be without each other. So it's much better than the alternative.

No. 70308

>>69611
He has a ring but didn't want me to spend the money for the matching one because it costs twice what the women's one costed.

No. 70342

We talked extensively about getting married. No ring, neither cared/don’t like the idea of one, and the wedding was at his childhood home. It was perfect. Been married for a few years now, honestly the best decision I ever made.

I don’t believe in destiny or soul mates, but sometimes I really wonder if maybe all the shitty things I’ve done weren’t so bad. I’ve had some crap luck, but my relationship with my husband honestly just keeps me going.

No. 70352

>>70342
I love this post anon. I too have done some proper stupid stuff and had a rough time that my fiance, I feel like he is my good karma I got in return. Nothing is ever truly that bad anymore with him as a constant in my life.

No. 90794

I then grind on poles at the presenter or organizer and anyone else because of my mouth so I don't think it's a good job is connections, followed by grades. To T I'm bitter forever I wish people would love to follow more unknown artists.

>>69630
Shouldn't there be an annoucement for the quality is all i can post anything you want, Anon.

I hope they are happy and hopefully I'll get some salt-infused boba pearls, to sprinkle all over it makes you and makes them feel good. There's so many reboots lately that only happen if you've only smoked?



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