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File: 1495259454007.jpg (15.59 KB, 400x300, 2.jpg)

No. 61059

worst thing someone has ever done to you in a relationship but you didn't break up with them for it?

This can be fights, manipulation, lying, cheating, ignoring at bad moments etc
basically when your partner did something awful but it didn't result in breakup, or if you are telling a story from a past relationship, it didn't result in the final breakup

what's your relationship limit? what would you break up with someone over?

No. 61081

If I found out a guy liked ddlg or lolis, hes an abuser of child, animals, women, etc if he ever paid a prostitute to do something, if he tells me someone is hotter than me or just anything that is detrimental to my self esteem thats unnecessary to say, if he uses drugs,if he forces me into sexual things, threatens me if i dont etc.


I can take cheating but to an extent, but is why he cheats also plays into it, i get mad if he flirted with another girl, not to where i break up, but if i ask him why and he says something like"hur dur you dont fuck me she has a better ass than you" his ass is getting dumped in a flash

No. 61082

>>61081
>>61081
>>61081
Lmao oops wrong sage field

No. 61087

>>61059
>worst thing someone has ever done to you in a relationship but you didn't break up with them for it?
Err… lied to me about his exams?
>what's your relationship limit? what would you break up with someone over?
Depends on how frequently they do it and what it is. For minor things (forgetting things, being a slob, not apologising for something he did wrong) I usually end up giving out to him until he apologises and makes it up somehow.
For major things like cheating, being disgusting, insulting me/my family/my religious views, crime, getting me pregnant etc I'd break up with him on the spot and block him on all social media. As much as I love my bf I love my health and well-being more.

No. 61088

>>61087
You would break up with your SO if he got you pregnant? Wat

No. 61093

>>61088
Abortion is illegal where I live, and going abroad to get it done is expensive and bothersome to say the least. He also knows I don't want kids yet so, if he 'accidentally' gets me pregnant and doesn't take necessary precautions, I'd assume he's trying to pressure me into having a kid, which is all manner of fucked up.

No. 61096

if somebody tried to use me to act out their pedophilic fantasies. it has happened before, but i didn't break up with them for it. i ended up getting fed up with them over their shitty basement-dweller qualities. some of the things they did and said pertaining to the "pedophilia", i will never forget. while it was happening, i told myself that it was better that they were doing it to me than to a real child.

if somebody ever got physically violent with me, i would be gone. i would never be able to look at them the same way again.

No. 61105

>>61093
I'm not sure how easily you can access contraception but that's your responsibility too. Make him wear a condom

No. 61106

He hit me a few times and raped me once, I was 14 and he was 17 when that happened. One of the times he hit me was because somehow I'd turned him on, he decided he needed to finish himself off then and there, I was super uncomfortable and wanted him to stop masturbating so i tried to grab his hand. He was a horrible little creep to say the least.
Gladly my standards for both self respect and potential partners are WAY higher now.

No. 61107

>>61106
forgot to say he hit me and then CONTINUED masturbating. Don't trust guys who are such slaves to their own cocks

No. 61111

I was with my ex boyfriend for about 4 years. I met him in high school through mutual friends that we sat with(aka we were a bunch of scene kids lool). Everything was decent, but I was only 14 then. We officially started dating around late Junior year HS up until Sophomore year in college.

At first we were going to the same Uni. He ended up living with me to save back on dorm living. Fast forward a year, he dropped out, started doing heroin and mooching off of me(I was a full time student and worked at an internship everyday usually pulling double shifts). That was my first mistake, letting myself become blinded by wanting to help him and since I cared I wanted to get him back on his feet. Time passes and all he did was shoot up, make messes, pawned my shit for more dope, and stole my credit card and maxed it. I also had a best friend, I always trusted her and thought she truly cared about me too.

Fast forward to the last 6 months of our relationship, he confesses to me one day him and my best friend were fucking for a year and a half. Might prior, while I was at work until 1am, he invited her over, they had sex, she left and when I got home we had sex. Next morning, he starts his crying woe is me then confesses.

I was more enraged than anything. Felt like I have been stabbed in the stomach and someone dragged the knife up to my heart. I immediately kicked him out, broke off a 12 year friendship and I stayed in bed for weeks. Skipped classes, didn't eat or would binge eat, cry and scream into my pillows, missed several shifts at work and came close to being let go.

Eventually picked myself up and finished college, got my BA and I'm now in a healthy relationship. TLDR; don't sacrifice yourself or let someone take advantage of you just so they won't leave and you hope they change. just end it and work on yourself.

No. 61126

He ignored me when I was going through a really bad time (a lot of bad things happened to me with worst being death of a close family member), tried to make me feel guilty for not being comfortable with sending nudes, was getting tinder notifications on his phone when we met (LDR) but somehow got me convinced he hasn't used the app in long time, unresponsive during weekends and at the end admitted he was browsing r/theredpill (Only later I found out what an awful subreddit that is).


I was super lovesick and constantly hoped it would get better, now I realize I was dumb as fuck.

No. 61129

>>61105
Yes I know it's also my responsibility, but it's easier to wrap your mickey in a piece of plastic than deal with pill-induced weight gain, depression and a plethora of other things. I'm looking into a copper IUD but my period is already heavy and painful and I don't want to make it even worse. I'm not taking hormonal BC ever again, one year was enough and I barely lived to tell the tale.

Until they invent something less fucked up he has a choice of either taking care of that or not putting it anywhere close to me ever again. He knows that and doesn't mind, I was talking more in general terms since I do know some men who refuse to do it because they 'don't like how it feels'.

No. 61141

Constant lying, lying about being clean, lying about everything because of the drugs. Yelling and tearing me up to little pieces with his words , blaming me for stupid shit he does, alienating me from everybody, being violent physically, not allowing me to dress nicely or put on make up, the list goes on and on

But the thing I could not tolerate at all is being cheated on, if he cheated on me that would be it.

No. 61142

>>61141
please take care of yourself anon. that sounds terrible and no one should have to live in those conditions.. no one should be hit in a relationship, nor controlled to the point that you cant even do simple things that make you feel confident in you.

No. 61145

>>61141
you let a man treat you like onion treats his bitches but worse but cheating is the limit?

No. 61147

File: 1495317203732.png (150.53 KB, 449x442, 1480679494679.png)

>>61145

This. Bls love urself anon

No. 61155

Hshsjs

No. 61175

Last year I had a really bad nervous breakdown with my job and I took a lot of time off. The job was super stressful and I didn't have expertise due to shoddy training; my job was all about dealing with angry people who expected expertise from me. Every day before work was an anxiety attack. Bf admitted even he wouldn't want to work my job.

Even though I still went enough to pay utilities, am the only one with a car, and also the one who cooks/cleans–bf made me feel like a lazy leech because I couldn't put forward towards rent anymore. It hurt my self-esteem and created trust issues because I suspected he was complaining about me to friends behind my back and not saying his true feelings to me.
I even did the right thing and sought medication and therapy even though it was pricing me out further.

During this time he decided it was a good idea to invite one of his female friends into our apartment since she was passing through from states away.
Fine.
We were both angry at each other and needed friends, so I agreed to let her stay a few days with the understanding that it meant 3 days, tops. On our couch in our one room apartment, mind. And she was to either stay in the apartment or drive around the city while we both worked.

She arrived. Dressed like a Coachella skank, car smelling like weed, and spoke in this saccharine, bubbly-girl voice. She was nice personally, but I'd be a liar if I didn't say her first impression screamed bimbo.
So bf and her go out on the city on romps together. You know, like dating couples do. Bf suddenly gets the inspiration to buy ingredients to cook at night to impress her. They stay up until daybreak hours talking outside.
By the third day I felt miserable and envious because she was being treated like gold while I had been treated like shit. Bf at that point hadn't volunteered a date idea in months, for example.
It felt like he was trying to dread me, and I resented that.

By the fourth day I asked why she wasn't gone. Bf gas-lit me and said that I had agreed she could stay for a week. LOLNOLIAR. Bf went outside and told her his gf was asking her to leave.
On the fifth day, she left. But things didn't immediately cool down, he was still acting shitty to me as if I was a jealous, possessive gf who had chased a friend away. My friends told me to dump him.

So I went through his phone because I knew he had lied. Lo and behold, I found the text where he had told her that she could stay for "as long as she liked" and that I "was totally cool with it." Even though that's not what we agreed. I also found other texts to his friends that confirmed he was talking the worst shit about me.
I wrote him this huge ultimatum that basically said if he doesn't clean up his act towards me, I won't stay. Which would be a YUGE problem for him considering he'd have to move back home working minimum wage, no car, and dealing with his scumbag family.
He wised up and started to show some gratitude.
Haven't had problems since. And oh, he pays the rent full time now with no wussy victim attitude about it.

TL;DR Bf invites female friend over and spends a few days doing questionable things together, and lied about how long she would stay, during one of the worst emotional breakdowns of my life.

No. 61176

>>61175
anon dont be such a cuckqueen lmao

No. 61178

>>61176
Pretty much, I felt like a big time cuck.

No. 61184

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>>61175
Why the fuck do you keep saying bf, as though you're still dating him?

You're having a nervous breakdown and he's trying to fuck some friend of his, lies about it, and gaslights you instead of being there and supporting you? Come on, anon. You can do better than this.

Find a way to get yourself back on your feet and financially independent and then dump his ass for someone who respects you.

No. 61197

My first boyfriend started using drugs and became an alcoholic. It happened very quickly. He was dealing with a lot of stress, and basically overnight began talking to himself. He also became extremely agitated and would scream at our neighbors and his family. I stayed hoping to work it out (he was an incredible, loyal boyfriend for the 1.5 years before this), until I found out he hit my/our pet. I dumped him, he got clean, and a few years later we are acquaintances.

My second boyfriend dealt with a similarly stressful event (phD) and started lashing out at me for silly things. I let it slide and after moving continued long-distance. He became extremely paranoid and constantly accused me of cheating. I dumped him and around 1 year later found out he had given me Chlamydia after getting tested because…I was contacted by his "ex" wife. He had said he was divorced, but was married in another country. From what his wife said, it sounded like he was planning on divorcing her, marrying me, and moving to a new country so we'd never discover the other. They never divorced, he moved to a new country without her and she is raising his kids. Sad situation all around, but I am extremely grateful I didn't marry or have kids with the asshole.

My third boyfriend was incredible, but I dumped him due to distance.

I tried dating my best friend for a while for a few reasons (wanted to boost his confidence with women and bought into the date your best friend of the opposite gender meme). After 2 weeks he complained I wasn't his type physically and needed to bleach my hair, wear push up bras and platform heels, and literally dress like a hooker. I told him to fuck off, dumped him, and now we are back to being best friends. I'm pretty sure he really regrets his actions, but he wasn't my type for a boyfriend anyway.

Now that I have some experience in relationships, my relationship limit is pretty high. I look for red flags ASAP and usually test how far a man will let me push him around. The more meta the betta I say.

No. 61222

My ex literally peed on the floor once so yeah

No. 61225

>>61178
Uh you're still a cuck. Dump him anyway. He's entirely reliant on you for having a life that he wants to live and he still treated you like that? Past behavior is indicative of future behavior and he WILL do it again, but he'll be more careful about it until he realises he can still walk all over you. I'm willing to bet he still resents you. It's not worth it.

No. 61236

>>61184
>>61225
I'm just wondering how one goes about dumping their partner over something that they allegedly resolved over a year ago without any proof that cheating occurred. If she went through his phone and didn't find clues besides the fact that he lied about the stay, is that really breakup material? What about the living situation now?

Don't make it sound so easy.

No. 61239

My boyfriend has done some pretty weird/uncomfortable things, but there are only two where I was going to leave him/thinking about leaving him for it.

Manipulated a girl from his friend group into a mental break down basically and turned everyone against her because he was bored.

He likes seeing if he can get girls to fall in love with them and then ignoring them after they think they'll get something physical/more out of it.

That stuff is almost a limit for me, but but those were so early on that I don' think I can still say they count.

Other than that, I think my limit is along the lines of a Nice Guy(TM), an incel type, someone who pressures me, or lies to me, or is a serial cheater. There are a few more red flags, but I'm not sure if I'd drop them for it immediately. A guy liking loli is a red flag, but I'm not a loli, so if they're with me, they're not with me because they're a creep, they're just a creep in general. I guess it depends. I also don't appreciate abuse of any kind, and I shut down any type of gaslighting or manipulation I notice. I don't take isolation from my friends, either. That's a super red flag for me. Cheating, too. I'll just immediately find someone else, especially since I don't mind open relationships and if it was really wanted, all that would have been needed was a discussion and listing rules and boundaries.

No. 61241

>>61175
You took that shit and handled it. You confronted him and told him to get his shit together, and that's better than any of these cows will ever do. The people coming at you probably wouldn't have had the balls to do it or confront him on his gaslighting. I, personally, would eternally hold it against him, though, and would eventually break up with him after I get a job because him acting better won't repair the trust he broke or the fact that he felt it was okay to talk shit about you in the first place. And throwing you under the bus in front of his friend was beyond manipulative, but I'm sure you handled that, too.

>>61225
I don't disagree with you, but that's jumping to a lot of conclusions. He probably does still resent her, and he might still be a piece of shit, but we don't personally know anything about him except this one situation. He could have grown and changed, or realized he was being a piece of shit, who knows?

No. 61248

>>61239
>>He Manipulated a girl from his friend group into a mental break down basically and turned everyone against her because he was bored.

This is disturbing anon. Plus the fact he is trying to get girls to fall in love with him even though he is in a relationship. How long have you been together, because these seem like pretty big red flags…

No. 61252

>>61236
Anon you can dump someone because you don't feel like being in a relationship with them any more, don't feel like you need proof of wrongdoing or whatever. It's not like a job where you can sue for unfair dismissal. Relationships are supposed to be fun and good for you.
Not necessarily relevant to the comment chain but I feel like a lot of farmers forget this

No. 61253

>>61239
>I shut down any type of gaslighting or manipulation
>Manipulated a girl from his friend group into a mental break down

>He likes seeing if he can get girls to fall in love with them

>lies to me, or is a serial cheater

Not that I necessarily believe in The Sisterhood or whatever, but why are you ok with him doing it to other girls? Why do you think he won't do it to you too?

No. 61259

early on in my relationship I let my boyfriend use my phone to call his mother bc his got wet and we weren't sure if it was totally broken. It was late at night so I went to bed. The next morning he confessed to me that he went through my phone and also my fb which was logged in. I haven't really forgiven him but I'm never going to say anything about it to him again.

He also nearly fucked me in the ass even though I was screaming no. He said he was just playing, but I don't believe him, I was really scared.


We are still together. I'd like to break up though.

No. 61281

my boyfriend has treated other girls like complete garbage in the duration of our relationship and has tried to somehow justify it by telling me how much better looking i was than them and that he could never care for anyone as much as he does me. he is extremely insecure and has been on the verge of tears telling me that he doesn't think he deserves me, he's a piece of shit and he can't imagine what i could possibly see in him. he has said things to me that make me wonder if the only thing that separates me from other women in his mind is that i'm his ideal physical type. if i gained weight, for example, i think he would lose all interest. he gained some weight this year and acts as if i'm going to lose interest in him. i can't - i love fatties. he knows that, yet he's still worried. that makes me even more suspicious. he has been saying for a while that he wants to marry me and wouldn't mind if he had to be financially responsible for me. i would never want anybody to be financially responsible for me. i don't know how he could possibly imagine being married. he is far from being comfortable with who he is and has been putting off doing what he needs to do to improve that, for years. he is such a fucking professional victim. if we ever did get married, it would sentence me to a life of caring for a 30+ year old retarded son.

No. 61283

>>61248
>>61253
Yeah, the first one is extremely disturbing and I broke up with him for a time over it. And I can't really control how another person handles his behavior. I can tell him that it isn't cool, but I knew that he'd probably just do it and I'd have to work harder to find out about. So after that mess, I forced (strongly suggested?) him to go to therapy for his shitty behavior. Sorry, I should have specified. That's why I said they were pretty early on/in the past compared to where we are now.

We've been together for almost 5 years now, but he did that kind of stuff around the two year mark, when I guess I was getting comfortable and he got tired of acting up a certain persona. He still flirts a lot, but I also have a habit of being "coy" (which isn't the same, but he'll tell me I'm also being flirty, so I guess it's the way men see it?), so I feel like it would be bitchy to tell him to tone it down, you know? Those are our only issues at the moment, now that the major stuff has been sorted out. I'm just trying to believe that he's actually trying to be better and not going to slip back into old habits.

No. 61288

>>61259
do it. say you can't handle how he takes advantage of your trust, then just bounce.

No. 61320

ITT:
d u m p h i m
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No. 61398

>>61093
Considering no type of contraceptive if 100% effective except for abstinence, if you get pregnant it is both of your faults, equally, unless he intentionally sabotages it (Which I doubt he would do).

Trust your partner because you sound psycho dude.

No. 61399

>61145
>>61147
Anon…You know being treated like you don't mean anything is worse than being cheated on? This is abuse..

No. 61406

>>61398
Thank you for your opinion, it means a lot to me. :^)

No. 61490

My boyfriend used to beat me up every weekend. Bruises and half of my hair pulled out and everything. Also told me to kill myself, that my parents hated me, etc.
I'm still with him, things are a little bit better now.

No. 61491

File: 1495639076514.gif (498.47 KB, 200x183, confused.gif)

>>61490

A little bit? Girl, what?

No. 61517

>>61490
stop the planet, anon thats shitty. a little means nothing in terms of fucking hitting someone. from plenty of experience, itll get worse. its gonna step up levels til someone ends up getting knocked out

No. 61521

File: 1495648833308.png (1.09 MB, 1142x1084, 1495504214174.png)

>>61490
are you retarded anon? get out of there.
>>61517
>ends up getting knocked out
killed

No. 61535

File: 1495661294509.jpg (83.14 KB, 1375x645, 1491051193838.jpg)

The worse I have taken from a man was him telling me he was cuckold and then I broke up with him because of that.

Love yourselves, anons, please, get help and dump him.

No. 61537

>>61535
Details?

No. 61539

>>61535
erm what do you mean by this? did he have a cuckold fetish?

No. 61643

>>61059
I'm really not proud of myself but for a while I had some depression issues, coupled with alcohol because that was the only thing that helped me cope, and I let a lot of people walk all over me.

Men were like alcohol, they'd be a fun distraction to my depression so I'd stick with assholes and I now realize they'd push my boundaries further and further to see if I was a pushover. (I was)

I guess the worst one was a dude I dated for a short brief that probably cheated on me. He'd go on innocent dates with other girls and turn off his phone, when I'm pretty sure he was just being flirty with anybody else. He pretended he only slept with a handful of people when I later learned he'd go and pick up girl every other day. Most of his platonic girl friends were girls he fucked.
I was so cringy and clingy too, I was probably the stereotypical psycho ex to him (except all I did was get wasted and spam his phone when he was being a dick, so neither of us were in the right)

I even ended up crying in front of everyone in public because I was so miserable and tired of his bullshit, now looking back I was probably just tired of my whole life being a mess. He broke up and called me every name under the sun and thankfully I wised up after that cause that bastard tried to talk to me again shortly after.

Life slowly started getting better and I grew a spine, said fuck you to dudes who just wanted a quick shag, who'd randomly text me at 3am like "u up ?" when I tried to see them at 10.

This is getting long and a blogpost but anyway, if this post resonate with you there's just one advice : Love yourself. I know it's corny but when you know your self-worth you project it onto others and manipulators won't chase after you. I'm in a way better place and I found an awesome fiancé because I weeded out all the assholes who tried to hit me up at random hours or would treat me like a cheap hooker.

No. 61673

fuck me without a condom on when i explicitly told him not to then later he tried to fuck me while i slept.

i really suck at being assertive during sex and i really don't know how to change that part about me.

No. 61678

>>61673
Leave him dude. Even if temporarily. Make sure he understands he's disrespecting you by ignoring what you're comfortable and not comfortable with.

If it's easier, do it through a text.

No. 61731

>>61678
Oh I did, that was about an ex from over a year ago. Thinking back those were big red flags I should have dealt with swiftly, instead of breaking up with him months later for other reasons.

No. 61762

I think I could forgive most things.
Physical abuse would cross the line obviously, as would rape and fetishes that would involve harming me or others, even if he'd never acted on them.
The worst thing my boyfriend has done to me so far was name-calling during a fight and pushing me aside in order to leave during the same fight.

No. 61764

File: 1495879985169.gif (1.95 MB, 500x380, space.gif)

>>61059

Sadly, rape. It took a while but I eventually left him after a physical dispute. I was young and desperately needed love so my tolerance for utter bullshit was amaze

Now I will leave a man if he orders his steak well done.

No. 62478

>>61093
…but if you break up with him and you don't get the abortion(for w/e reason) you'd be a single parent. Lmao you don't make sense

No. 62479

File: 1496905616092.gif (137.43 KB, 659x576, OroQuLU.gif)

Raping me in my sleep regularly and telling me he hates me and wants me to die.

I didn't even realize it was fucked up at the time but thankfully he broke up with me after 4 years of stealing my money to spend on trash waifu figures.

No. 62483

>>62479
>after 4 years of stealing my money to spend on trash waifu figures
>he broke up with me

ouchhh

No. 62487

>>61673
You know that is basically rape right? In many places you could have sued him for raping you. Anything not consensual in sex equals rape.

No. 62500

called me a retard kike and said my family would be better off dead, threw chairs and scared the dog

eventually broke up once he actually hurt me physically (first he grabbed and threatened to hurt me when i tried to leave the apartment, then later that night kicked me in both shins and spat in my face)

this shit was always blackout drunk so confronting him about it was fruitless

No. 62527

He was severely depressed and pretty emotionally manipulative because he wasn't getting the help he needed. Was extremely possessive. When I broke things off with him the first time, he immediately dated a friend of mine to hurt me. Took to stalking me online anywhere he could, including a private blog that I still have no idea how he found. Would constantly message me about how he still loved me and pleaded with me to go back to him. On again/off again relationship for years even though he started getting into drugs/trying to self-medicate.

Haven't spoken to him in years now but I do take comfort in the fact that he's become a hentai-obsessed neckbeard

No. 62567

I dated a guy for the longest time who was super messed up. Constantly gaslighting me and treating me like shit. He would always go through my phone/history and read all my conversations. He stopped me from talking to my friends and always thought I was cheating.He even forced me to quit my job because he didn't "like" it. He would constantly scream at me, blame me for everything, and then say it was him it was his bipolar that makes him act out. I finally ended things after about 6 break ups when he lunged at me and tried to beat me physically (but my flatmate stepped in and told him to get out). I'm still haunted by how he once raped me and then tried to make me feel bad for crying and not enjoying it because I told him I like to be submissive. It feels amazing to be with someone normal now, who treats me well.

No. 62663

Oh man my first boyfriend treated me like total garbage. He manipulated me with politics and religion, wouldn't let me have an independent (or god forbid, contradictory) opinion without turning it into a debate, and generally constantly made me demonstrate that I was good enough. He was also fairly dumb and impossible to argue with because he didn't understand basic logic or fallacies - he's the kind of person who makes their point by being the most boisterous. When he finally broke up with me after like a year of this, he still proceeded to torture me for months with mean phone calls and trying to police my life, etc. I know it doesn't sound like much, and other people have treated me objectively worse, but the damage of being held emotionally hostage for so long when I was too young to know any better was definitely my most traumatic relationship experience.

No. 62664

He verbally abused me, was extremely controlling and raped me. But then he cheated and I was over him.

Basically guys can treat me like shit, but as long as they are faithful, I'll stay

No. 63711

Boyfriend in 11th grade cheated on me with my best friend, I stayed but dumped her. I became paranoid because he was super flirty with a ton of girls, he felt guilty so he spent a lot of time blowing off his friends to spend time with me. I ended up becoming his only support system and it was exhausting, so I told him to reach out to the friends he'd abandoned to spend time with me.

During the next few months he tried to convince me having crushes on other girls in relationships is normal (and not "oh she's cute" crushes, actual "I want to kiss her and be her boyfriend" crushes) but guilt tripped me if I said a boy was cute. He would tell me he got a massage from the girl he had a crush on, or that he got hit with the urge to kiss her and almost did, and I smiled and stayed by his side telling myself I was happy until one day we broke up briefly over some stupid fight, after that I flirted with someone else, told him when we made up, and was quickly cast as the horrible cheating bitch to the school since he was more popular than me despite him talking to me for months about all the other girls he was into.

If someone tried that "i have a crush on someone else it's perfectly normal" bullshit on me again I wouldn't stick around. You can think someone's cute but if you're genuinely having butterflies it's a problem.

No. 63728

>>63711
I feel like crushing while in a relationship is natural and normal, but it depends on your intentions regarding the crushes. I get fairly nonsensical crushes like my teacher and an actor and my boyfriend is crushing hard on a kpop star.

Obviously not the same as your case but crushing in a relationship isn't inherently bad

No. 63734

>>61059
Im not condemning cheating but whats with everyone saying they can take rape and physical abuse but not cheating?I seriously dont understand cheating is horrible, but how is it worse than actual life scarring abuse? Because "he doesnt actually love you?" Chances are if he rapes and abuses you he didnt love you either, what maked cheating so different from rape and abuse?

No. 63749

>>63734
>>63734
I have a couple ideas why, based on my own experience. I don't think cheating is worse than abuse and rape, but I can see why it's the final straw for some people.

Firstly, cheating made me realise that I wasn't good enough. I have been abused since childhood so my ex's abuse was nothing new, but being cheated on was a new experience. I realised that even though I was giving everything to this man, even though I was putting him above my mental and physical health, even though he was hurting me so much, I wasn't good enough. If I was enough for him, he wouldn't have cheated. It wasn't an empowering realization. It just made me give up on the relationship.

Secondly, loyalty is a virtue for abusers. My ex counted on my loyalty to him, knowing I wouldn't tell other people what was happening, go to the police, try to escape the situation, etc. He really drummed the importance of being loyal into me. Then he cheated and proved that I could be loyal like a dog to him, but it didn't mean shit because I couldn't expect the same back. Again, that made me give up on the relationship.

Other people might have different reasons but hope that was somewhat insightful.

No. 63783

my boyfriend, of 4 years, who i have lived with for 3 years, dumped me for another girl, told me she had no where to stay so she would be moving in with him for like 3 weeks, and told me I could go stay with my parents with our son if I wanted, when I said yes I would do that, he told me no she wouldnt come, he wanted me to stay, I stayed, she came over while I was at work one day, and she didnt leave for 2 months. they slept in my bed while I was at work (i worked nights) and in the living room floor when I was home, I sent myself into a terrible psychosis, I lost 15 pounds, I started slicing up my legs, and punching myself in the face, and the only reason she left was because she had been cheating on him the whole time, actually caught her on our couch with one of our friends that she had known for like 3 hours. And we are still together.. Im actually pregnant with our second kid.

No. 63784

>>63783
what the fuck

No. 63792

jesus christ, some of the shit in here. farmers, you guys need to love yourselves and break up with these people if they treat you like trash tbh.

i'm also talking out of my ass though because i got extremely lucky with my first bf. we've been dating for four years and he's great. now. when i met him he was kind of an asshole, really into 4chan "culture," loved racist jokes (i am b/w mixed btw, and he told me a joke about sending a crate of bananas to africa for aid and was confused when i didn't find it funny) but i put my foot down pretty early on and said if he didn't change, it was over. funny thing is, he's really into black girls so idk. if it had continued, i would've dumped his ass. i know racist jokes seem like something trivial to break up over, but it upset me, and if he'd continued to tell them i would've definitely ended it.

fast forward to the present day, he's a very sweet guy. still browses 4chan (we both do), but mostly /v/, and not /int/ or /pol/ anymore lol

aside from that, any sort of physical, mental, or emotional abuse is a definite red flag. break-up would be imminent in those cases.

No. 63794

>>63792
There's a lot of racist white guys who actually really like black girls, its surprising.

No. 63795

>>63792
Racist jokes aren't really trivial especially when you're the race he's joking about and especially if you never make racial jokes about him

No. 63868

>>63792
I had an ex like that. He was an avid Reddit user and really into gaming culture, which is sexist, racist and just generally toxic as fuck about 95% of the time.

My mistake was not really correcting his behavior since I just figured that's how he was and growing up on the internet I had seen a lot worse anyway. So I never genuinely put my foot down aside from a few "aw, don't say that" or "that wasn't funny at all" moments and once we broke up I guess the reddit side took over based off the last few times we talked and he was 10x worse.

No. 63937

>>63792
Sounds pretty similar to my bf. When I met him he browsed 4chan (so did I so I didn't really see a problem with it) and he made some sexist jokes that really shocked me. Fast forward a few years and he actually thanked me for calling him out on that when I did as he genuinely didn't realise that what he was saying was hurtful and he's a better person now because of it.

I've noticed that men tend to respond better when you act hurt or pretend you're advising them as a friend instead of appearing offended or lecturing them (both are seen as confrontational). I guess it's the testosterone but they really get off on making others angry, especially little shits on 4chan/reddit. They legit see that as them "winning". I know it seems really anti-feminist to pretend to be a little hurt, delicate flower but it's actually quite empowering when you realise for the first time that you can say "hey, you hurt my feelings…" and suddenly they get all apologetic (and if they don't well, then, that's 100% the time to leave them).

No. 65166

He became infatuated with another woman, one of my friends. He didn't do anything though, and she was/is a nice girl. I know her well, and my bf loves me too much to cheat. 7 year relationship. I trust that nothing happened. He told me more than a year after the fact when she had safely moved away. In hindsight, I knew something was off.
If he had done anything with her, I would have walked.

No. 65177

>>63783
you sound like me except i left, i never looked back. i left my son and all my friends and everything behind but i'm in a good place now. it's hard but please take the first step.

No. 65253

jesus christs some of the posters on here deserve their own thread in /pt/

No. 65448

we're longish distance (3hours by train)
and he was planning on ridding up after work

Earlier in the day, his ex had sent me a video of the two of them fucking (from when they were dating)and i was understandably upset as he has cheated on me with her before

so the entire day i was short and rude wit him over text. Even refusing to call him during my break.

at 3pm his ex sends me a snapchat of them together

I start blowing up his phone: pissed, upset, and worrying that once again hes cheating on me

he refuses to answers
for the rest of the night he only responds to my panicked texts in haikus

Later: when I asked why he had gone out to eat with her, he said she was having really bad anxiety.

When I asked why he only responded to my desperate texts with haikus, he said

"I thought you would find it funny"

No. 65451

>>65448
Dump dump dump

No. 65452

>>65448
follow up because im getting upset just thinking of all the shit hes done over the past 3 years

for a while we broke up. His ex showed up on memorial day, and he kicked me out–it was a huge issue.

anyways, I had left my tumblr logged in on his laptop. So while we were broken up (and I was making new connections) he started screenshotting a bunch of personal posts I'd made on a password tumblr.

Kind of like an e-diary, cringey IK but I didn't have anyone to talk to and posting it–even if no one would see it, made me feel better.

After a few weeks of this, he sent every private post and pictures to all our mutual friends.
They dont talk to me anymore. We got back together.

No. 65463

>>65448
>>65452
why would you get back together with him, sound like more trouble than he's worth

No. 65466

>>65448
He's terrible. Dump him.

No. 65475

>>65448
Wow fucking dump him hes totally fucking his ex

No. 65479

>>61081
that's…. oddly specific. has this ever happened before?

No. 69262

He yelled at me to get a job.. ON MY BIRTHDAY.

No. 69557

>>69262
i mean anon
how old are you

No. 69641

I just left someone whose narcissism was compromising my sense of reality and self worth. We were together for a year. It was a hard year for both of us. I was getting clean after a few years of substance abuse and he was under a lot of stress from work, so our mental health was rough terrain.

He would make a lot of disparaging comments about my appearance, like about my shape (I'm thin and can't put on weight because of high metabolism), criticize me for not dressing femininely enough for him (even though he has no eye for women or men's fashion), and when my skin started breaking out from the stress of being with him he would point it out all the time like it was the only feature worth noticing, even in front of our friends.

At the same time he would express sexual interest in other women in really crude ways…flirting with other women in front of me and talking about how sexy other women are in pretty pornographic terms sometimes…he would compare me to his exes/women in his friend group/strangers and it seemed like I could never measure up. He once said he didn't like looking at me. It got to the point where I was too anxious to even make eye contact with him. When I tried to talk to him about how he was damaging my self esteem, he called me a liar and said I was projecting my low sense of self worth onto the relationship. He would get really butthurt when other men or women showed interest in me.

He wanted to have sex all the time but he hurt me so many times by going in dry and not trying to get me wet. When I said "I don't feel like it" or "stop it's starting to hurt too much" and he would manipulate me into feeling guilty for not letting him finish, or like there was something wrong with me because my pussy was "too tight". There were a few times when he even said he thinks I like getting raped. (I absolutely don't).

When told him I didn't wanna be with him anymore he spent weeks trying to convince me to stay. It didn't change much. When our relationship was ending I met someone new that makes me feel so safe and so loved. With my new boyfriend's support I quit smoking and my skin has cleared up. It feels great to be with someone who treats me well. Sorry if this post is too long.

No. 69654

Back when I WAS in my abusive relationship, I was naive and thought I couldn't get pregnant since I have a hormonal disorder similar to PCOS (hirsutism).
My ex and I would have sex almost every day until one day I discovered I was being used as a human piggy bank and not a love interest. I eventually did get pregnant and flipped my shit. I was already working 60+ hours at my shitty deli job and hated life, why bring a kid into the mix?

I must've peed on 5 sticks before I went to a Planned Parenthood to have someone explain my options to me. I was stupid, it was premature, they hooked me up with information about adoption, abortion, etc. I decided abortion, had the funds for it and told him I can't have his child.

He stared at me like I was telling him a boring news story. He just said "okay?" and stood there a moment. I could feel my stomach drop. That was the first event of many abusive events following the procedure. He rode with me to the clinic but did not go inside with me to the waiting room. I asked him and he said he wanted to go to the stores down town and look around. I got out hours later and had to drive home drugged up. The front desk ran after my car. I worked after a day of staying home and resting. Back to 40-60 hour work was horrible since I could feel the "incision" break. I came home the first night and collapsed on the floor crying and screaming. He walked over me in the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the fridge. He just left. I was so lonely as he proceeded to ignore me until he wanted sex. He even strangled me on his mattress because I said no. I almost died twice.

I eventually broke down and called my mom. She was surprised I didn't call because when I thought I was hated by her, in reality she was scared I was dead cause I didn't respond for a while. I left with my things and luckily I did not sign a lease. He was horrible…I hope someone killed him cause I almost did that night. I didn't want to leave because I thought he owed me alot more than just nothing. I also low key wanted to stay in the relationship because I felt I had nothing left since my mom and I fought. I did leave after visiting his aunt and she told me to drop it and never come back to visit them.

No. 69660

>He stared at me like I was telling him a boring news story. He just said "okay?" and stood there a moment.

My shitty ex would do stuff like this and a whole litany of other emotionally abusive bull shit that I put up with. He responded exactly this way to a lot of crappy things with that look of "Why are you even telling me this?"

Don't worry, Anon. It does get better. I met my husband a year after getting dumped by my ex and we had an unplanned pregnancy in which I found out that I have a serious condition (hyperemesis gravidarum to the extreme) and needed a termination. He waited in the waiting room the whole time and took good care of me afterwards. He married me knowing that I would not be able to have bio kids without risking my life and decided I was way more important than future babies. Not all guys are shit stains like your ex.

No. 69663

>>69660

There's always the surrogate option, harvest some eggs and squirt them into another lady

No. 69706

>>69654
Holy shit anon. Your ex sounds like true, sociopathic garbage. I hope your life is doing better now like >>69660 anon.

No. 71332

File: 1512888138164.gif (366.45 KB, 280x158, 1375054924227.gif)

>>61197
>>61197

You sound like such a catch(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 71391

My first boyfriend started doing cocaine and tried to choke me when we were with a group of friends. I didn't break up with him. Not for another few months, I forgave him and he said he'd give it up.

Of course he didn't, so I broke up with him. My only regret is not seeing the warning signs sooner.

No. 71392

>>71391
Should clarify that it was not kinky choking, we were messing and I went to tickle him in the stomach and instead of either asking me to stop or laughing, he lunged forward and grabbed me by the throat.



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