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If I found out a guy liked ddlg or lolis, hes an abuser of child, animals, women, etc if he ever paid a prostitute to do something, if he tells me someone is hotter than me or just anything that is detrimental to my self esteem thats unnecessary to say, if he uses drugs,if he forces me into sexual things, threatens me if i dont etc.
I can take cheating but to an extent, but is why he cheats also plays into it, i get mad if he flirted with another girl, not to where i break up, but if i ask him why and he says something like"hur dur you dont fuck me she has a better ass than you" his ass is getting dumped in a flash
>>61059>worst thing someone has ever done to you in a relationship but you didn't break up with them for it?
Err… lied to me about his exams?>what's your relationship limit? what would you break up with someone over?
Depends on how frequently they do it and what it is. For minor things (forgetting things, being a slob, not apologising for something he did wrong) I usually end up giving out to him until he apologises and makes it up somehow.
For major things like cheating, being disgusting, insulting me/my family/my religious views, crime, getting me pregnant etc I'd break up with him on the spot and block him on all social media. As much as I love my bf I love my health and well-being more.
I was with my ex boyfriend for about 4 years. I met him in high school through mutual friends that we sat with(aka we were a bunch of scene kids lool). Everything was decent, but I was only 14 then. We officially started dating around late Junior year HS up until Sophomore year in college.
At first we were going to the same Uni. He ended up living with me to save back on dorm living. Fast forward a year, he dropped out, started doing heroin and mooching off of me(I was a full time student and worked at an internship everyday usually pulling double shifts). That was my first mistake, letting myself become blinded by wanting to help him and since I cared I wanted to get him back on his feet. Time passes and all he did was shoot up, make messes, pawned my shit for more dope, and stole my credit card and maxed it. I also had a best friend, I always trusted her and thought she truly cared about me too.
Fast forward to the last 6 months of our relationship, he confesses to me one day him and my best friend were fucking for a year and a half. Might prior, while I was at work until 1am, he invited her over, they had sex, she left and when I got home we had sex. Next morning, he starts his crying woe is me then confesses.
I was more enraged than anything. Felt like I have been stabbed in the stomach and someone dragged the knife up to my heart. I immediately kicked him out, broke off a 12 year friendship and I stayed in bed for weeks. Skipped classes, didn't eat or would binge eat, cry and scream into my pillows, missed several shifts at work and came close to being let go.
Eventually picked myself up and finished college, got my BA and I'm now in a healthy relationship. TLDR; don't sacrifice yourself or let someone take advantage of you just so they won't leave and you hope they change. just end it and work on yourself.
Yes I know it's also my responsibility, but it's easier to wrap your mickey in a piece of plastic than deal with pill-induced weight gain, depression and a plethora of other things. I'm looking into a copper IUD but my period is already heavy and painful and I don't want to make it even worse. I'm not taking hormonal BC ever again, one year was enough and I barely lived to tell the tale.
Until they invent something less fucked up he has a choice of either taking care of that or not putting it anywhere close to me ever again. He knows that and doesn't mind, I was talking more in general terms since I do know some men who refuse to do it because they 'don't like how it feels'.
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This. Bls love urself anon
Last year I had a really bad nervous breakdown with my job and I took a lot of time off. The job was super stressful and I didn't have expertise due to shoddy training; my job was all about dealing with angry people who expected expertise from me. Every day before work was an anxiety attack. Bf admitted even he wouldn't want to work my job.
Even though I still went enough to pay utilities, am the only one with a car, and also the one who cooks/cleans–bf made me feel like a lazy leech because I couldn't put forward towards rent anymore. It hurt my self-esteem and created trust issues because I suspected he was complaining about me to friends behind my back and not saying his true feelings to me.
I even did the right thing and sought medication and therapy even though it was pricing me out further.
During this time he decided it was a good idea to invite one of his female friends into our apartment since she was passing through from states away.
We were both angry at each other and needed friends, so I agreed to let her stay a few days with the understanding that it meant 3 days, tops. On our couch in our one room apartment, mind. And she was to either stay in the apartment or drive around the city while we both worked.
She arrived. Dressed like a Coachella skank, car smelling like weed, and spoke in this saccharine, bubbly-girl voice. She was nice personally, but I'd be a liar if I didn't say her first impression screamed bimbo.
So bf and her go out on the city on romps together. You know, like dating couples do. Bf suddenly gets the inspiration to buy ingredients to cook at night to impress her. They stay up until daybreak hours talking outside.
By the third day I felt miserable and envious because she was being treated like gold while I had been treated like shit. Bf at that point hadn't volunteered a date idea in months, for example.
It felt like he was trying to dread me, and I resented that.
By the fourth day I asked why she wasn't gone. Bf gas-lit me and said that I had agreed she could stay for a week. LOLNOLIAR. Bf went outside and told her his gf was asking her to leave.
On the fifth day, she left. But things didn't immediately cool down, he was still acting shitty to me as if I was a jealous, possessive gf who had chased a friend away. My friends told me to dump him.
So I went through his phone because I knew he had lied. Lo and behold, I found the text where he had told her that she could stay for "as long as she liked" and that I "was totally cool with it." Even though that's not what we agreed. I also found other texts to his friends that confirmed he was talking the worst shit about me.
I wrote him this huge ultimatum that basically said if he doesn't clean up his act towards me, I won't stay. Which would be a YUGE problem for him considering he'd have to move back home working minimum wage, no car, and dealing with his scumbag family.
He wised up and started to show some gratitude.
Haven't had problems since. And oh, he pays the rent full time now with no wussy victim attitude about it.
TL;DR Bf invites female friend over and spends a few days doing questionable things together, and lied about how long she would stay, during one of the worst emotional breakdowns of my life.
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Why the fuck do you keep saying bf, as though you're still dating him?
You're having a nervous breakdown and he's trying to fuck some friend of his, lies about it, and gaslights you instead of being there and supporting you? Come on, anon. You can do better than this.
Find a way to get yourself back on your feet and financially independent and then dump his ass for someone who respects you.
My first boyfriend started using drugs and became an alcoholic. It happened very quickly. He was dealing with a lot of stress, and basically overnight began talking to himself. He also became extremely agitated and would scream at our neighbors and his family. I stayed hoping to work it out (he was an incredible, loyal boyfriend for the 1.5 years before this), until I found out he hit my/our pet. I dumped him, he got clean, and a few years later we are acquaintances.
My second boyfriend dealt with a similarly stressful event (phD) and started lashing out at me for silly things. I let it slide and after moving continued long-distance. He became extremely paranoid and constantly accused me of cheating. I dumped him and around 1 year later found out he had given me Chlamydia after getting tested because…I was contacted by his "ex" wife. He had said he was divorced, but was married in another country. From what his wife said, it sounded like he was planning on divorcing her, marrying me, and moving to a new country so we'd never discover the other. They never divorced, he moved to a new country without her and she is raising his kids. Sad situation all around, but I am extremely grateful I didn't marry or have kids with the asshole.
My third boyfriend was incredible, but I dumped him due to distance.
I tried dating my best friend for a while for a few reasons (wanted to boost his confidence with women and bought into the date your best friend of the opposite gender meme). After 2 weeks he complained I wasn't his type physically and needed to bleach my hair, wear push up bras and platform heels, and literally dress like a hooker. I told him to fuck off, dumped him, and now we are back to being best friends. I'm pretty sure he really regrets his actions, but he wasn't my type for a boyfriend anyway.
Now that I have some experience in relationships, my relationship limit is pretty high. I look for red flags ASAP and usually test how far a man will let me push him around. The more meta the betta I say.
I'm just wondering how one goes about dumping their partner over something that they allegedly resolved over a year ago without any proof that cheating occurred. If she went through his phone and didn't find clues besides the fact that he lied about the stay, is that really breakup material? What about the living situation now?
Don't make it sound so easy.
My boyfriend has done some pretty weird/uncomfortable things, but there are only two where I was going to leave him/thinking about leaving him for it.
Manipulated a girl from his friend group into a mental break down basically and turned everyone against her because he was bored.
He likes seeing if he can get girls to fall in love with them and then ignoring them after they think they'll get something physical/more out of it.
That stuff is almost a limit for me, but but those were so early on that I don' think I can still say they count.
Other than that, I think my limit is along the lines of a Nice Guy(TM), an incel type, someone who pressures me, or lies to me, or is a serial cheater. There are a few more red flags, but I'm not sure if I'd drop them for it immediately. A guy liking loli is a red flag, but I'm not a loli, so if they're with me, they're not with me because they're a creep, they're just a creep in general. I guess it depends. I also don't appreciate abuse of any kind, and I shut down any type of gaslighting or manipulation I notice. I don't take isolation from my friends, either. That's a super red flag for me. Cheating, too. I'll just immediately find someone else, especially since I don't mind open relationships and if it was really wanted, all that would have been needed was a discussion and listing rules and boundaries.
You took that shit and handled it. You confronted him and told him to get his shit together, and that's better than any of these cows will ever do. The people coming at you probably wouldn't have had the balls to do it or confront him on his gaslighting. I, personally, would eternally hold it against him, though, and would eventually break up with him after I get a job because him acting better won't repair the trust he broke or the fact that he felt it was okay to talk shit about you in the first place. And throwing you under the bus in front of his friend was beyond manipulative, but I'm sure you handled that, too.>>61225
I don't disagree with you, but that's jumping to a lot of conclusions. He probably does still resent her, and he might still be a piece of shit, but we don't personally know anything about him except this one situation. He could have grown and changed, or realized he was being a piece of shit, who knows?
Anon you can dump someone because you don't feel like being in a relationship with them any more, don't feel like you need proof of wrongdoing or whatever. It's not like a job where you can sue for unfair dismissal. Relationships are supposed to be fun and good for you.
Not necessarily relevant to the comment chain but I feel like a lot of farmers forget this
Yeah, the first one is extremely disturbing and I broke up with him for a time over it. And I can't really control how another person handles his behavior. I can tell him that it isn't cool, but I knew that he'd probably just do it and I'd have to work harder to find out about. So after that mess, I forced (strongly suggested?) him to go to therapy for his shitty behavior. Sorry, I should have specified. That's why I said they were pretty early on/in the past compared to where we are now.
We've been together for almost 5 years now, but he did that kind of stuff around the two year mark, when I guess I was getting comfortable and he got tired of acting up a certain persona. He still flirts a lot, but I also have a habit of being "coy" (which isn't the same, but he'll tell me I'm also being flirty, so I guess it's the way men see it?), so I feel like it would be bitchy to tell him to tone it down, you know? Those are our only issues at the moment, now that the major stuff has been sorted out. I'm just trying to believe that he's actually trying to be better and not going to slip back into old habits.
Considering no type of contraceptive if 100% effective except for abstinence, if you get pregnant it is both of your faults, equally, unless he intentionally sabotages it (Which I doubt he would do).
Trust your partner because you sound psycho dude.
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A little bit? Girl, what?
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are you retarded anon? get out of there. >>61517>ends up getting
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The worse I have taken from a man was him telling me he was cuckold and then I broke up with him because of that.
Love yourselves, anons, please, get help and dump him.
I'm really not proud of myself but for a while I had some depression issues, coupled with alcohol because that was the only thing that helped me cope, and I let a lot of people walk all over me.
Men were like alcohol, they'd be a fun distraction to my depression so I'd stick with assholes and I now realize they'd push my boundaries further and further to see if I was a pushover. (I was)
I guess the worst one was a dude I dated for a short brief that probably cheated on me. He'd go on innocent dates with other girls and turn off his phone, when I'm pretty sure he was just being flirty with anybody else. He pretended he only slept with a handful of people when I later learned he'd go and pick up girl every other day. Most of his platonic girl friends were girls he fucked.
I was so cringy and clingy too, I was probably the stereotypical psycho ex to him (except all I did was get wasted and spam his phone when he was being a dick, so neither of us were in the right)
I even ended up crying in front of everyone in public because I was so miserable and tired of his bullshit, now looking back I was probably just tired of my whole life being a mess. He broke up and called me every name under the sun and thankfully I wised up after that cause that bastard tried to talk to me again shortly after.
Life slowly started getting better and I grew a spine, said fuck you to dudes who just wanted a quick shag, who'd randomly text me at 3am like "u up ?" when I tried to see them at 10.
This is getting long and a blogpost but anyway, if this post resonate with you there's just one advice : Love yourself. I know it's corny but when you know your self-worth you project it onto others and manipulators won't chase after you. I'm in a way better place and I found an awesome fiancé because I weeded out all the assholes who tried to hit me up at random hours or would treat me like a cheap hooker.
Leave him dude. Even if temporarily. Make sure he understands he's disrespecting you by ignoring what you're comfortable and not comfortable with.
If it's easier, do it through a text.
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Sadly, rape. It took a while but I eventually left him after a physical dispute. I was young and desperately needed love so my tolerance for utter bullshit was amaze
Now I will leave a man if he orders his steak well done.
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Raping me in my sleep regularly and telling me he hates me and wants me to die.
I didn't even realize it was fucked up at the time but thankfully he broke up with me after 4 years of stealing my money to spend on trash waifu figures.
I feel like crushing while in a relationship is natural and normal, but it depends on your intentions regarding the crushes. I get fairly nonsensical crushes like my teacher and an actor and my boyfriend is crushing hard on a kpop star.
Obviously not the same as your case but crushing in a relationship isn't inherently bad
I have a couple ideas why, based on my own experience. I don't think cheating is worse than abuse and rape, but I can see why it's the final straw for some people.
Firstly, cheating made me realise that I wasn't good enough. I have been abused since childhood so my ex's abuse was nothing new, but being cheated on was a new experience. I realised that even though I was giving everything to this man, even though I was putting him above my mental and physical health, even though he was hurting me so much, I wasn't good enough. If I was enough for him, he wouldn't have cheated. It wasn't an empowering realization. It just made me give up on the relationship.
Secondly, loyalty is a virtue for abusers. My ex counted on my loyalty to him, knowing I wouldn't tell other people what was happening, go to the police, try to escape the situation, etc. He really drummed the importance of being loyal into me. Then he cheated and proved that I could be loyal like a dog to him, but it didn't mean shit because I couldn't expect the same back. Again, that made me give up on the relationship.
Other people might have different reasons but hope that was somewhat insightful.
my boyfriend, of 4 years, who i have lived with for 3 years, dumped me for another girl, told me she had no where to stay so she would be moving in with him for like 3 weeks, and told me I could go stay with my parents with our son if I wanted, when I said yes I would do that, he told me no she wouldnt come, he wanted me to stay, I stayed, she came over while I was at work one day, and she didnt leave for 2 months. they slept in my bed while I was at work (i worked nights) and in the living room floor when I was home, I sent myself into a terrible psychosis, I lost 15 pounds, I started slicing up my legs, and punching myself in the face, and the only reason she left was because she had been cheating on him the whole time, actually caught her on our couch with one of our friends that she had known for like 3 hours. And we are still together.. Im actually pregnant with our second kid.
jesus christ, some of the shit in here. farmers, you guys need to love yourselves and break up with these people if they treat you like trash tbh.
i'm also talking out of my ass though because i got extremely lucky with my first bf. we've been dating for four years and he's great. now. when i met him he was kind of an asshole, really into 4chan "culture," loved racist jokes (i am b/w mixed btw, and he told me a joke about sending a crate of bananas to africa for aid and was confused when i didn't find it funny) but i put my foot down pretty early on and said if he didn't change, it was over. funny thing is, he's really into black girls so idk. if it had continued, i would've dumped his ass. i know racist jokes seem like something trivial to break up over, but it upset me, and if he'd continued to tell them i would've definitely ended it.
fast forward to the present day, he's a very sweet guy. still browses 4chan (we both do), but mostly /v/, and not /int/ or /pol/ anymore lol
aside from that, any sort of physical, mental, or emotional abuse is a definite red flag. break-up would be imminent in those cases.
I had an ex like that. He was an avid Reddit user and really into gaming culture, which is sexist, racist and just generally toxic as fuck about 95% of the time.
My mistake was not really correcting his behavior since I just figured that's how he was and growing up on the internet I had seen a lot worse anyway. So I never genuinely put my foot down aside from a few "aw, don't say that" or "that wasn't funny at all" moments and once we broke up I guess the reddit side took over based off the last few times we talked and he was 10x worse.
Sounds pretty similar to my bf. When I met him he browsed 4chan (so did I so I didn't really see a problem with it) and he made some sexist jokes that really shocked me. Fast forward a few years and he actually thanked me for calling him out on that when I did as he genuinely didn't realise that what he was saying was hurtful and he's a better person now because of it.
I've noticed that men tend to respond better when you act hurt or pretend you're advising them as a friend instead of appearing offended or lecturing them (both are seen as confrontational). I guess it's the testosterone but they really get off on making others angry, especially little shits on 4chan/reddit. They legit see that as them "winning". I know it seems really anti-feminist to pretend to be a little hurt, delicate flower but it's actually quite empowering when you realise for the first time that you can say "hey, you hurt my feelings…" and suddenly they get all apologetic (and if they don't well, then, that's 100% the time to leave them).
follow up because im getting upset just thinking of all the shit hes done over the past 3 years
for a while we broke up. His ex showed up on memorial day, and he kicked me out–it was a huge issue.
anyways, I had left my tumblr logged in on his laptop. So while we were broken up (and I was making new connections) he started screenshotting a bunch of personal posts I'd made on a password tumblr.
Kind of like an e-diary, cringey IK but I didn't have anyone to talk to and posting it–even if no one would see it, made me feel better.
After a few weeks of this, he sent every private post and pictures to all our mutual friends.
They dont talk to me anymore. We got back together.
i mean anon
how old are you
Holy shit anon. Your ex sounds like true, sociopathic garbage. I hope your life is doing better now like >>69660
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You sound like such a catch(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)