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No. 57954
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Having two boyfriends would be cool. Having two husbands would be even better. Though, I've always been the type in any given fandom that if there's a love triangle going on, I ship the whole threesome. And maybe that's all because I usually develop interest in more than one person at a time. Romance and life would be easy mode if jealousy wasn't a thing.
No. 57962
>>57951I'm lesbian. I have zero interest at boys because what if I find Onion? Gross
>>57954Same. But in my case is purely sexual. I'm not interested in having two romantic relationships
Dunno, maybe "polyamory" isn't the correct word.
No. 57966
>>57962If it's just physical then you're looking for something more like "open relationships", "swingers" or "hotwife".
>>57954Agreed, I had an open relationship once and it was the most fulfilling thing ever. I wish that my current boyfriend could put his traditional values aside but my desire for casual sex doesn't outweigh my love for him and I would never cheat. OP is living the dream.
Unless her bf actually can't take it and gets jealous.
No. 57977
>>57970It became a LDR and we both started to be emotionally invested in people that wouldn't have settled for poly (my now longterm bf and his now longeterm gf lol). We decided it was for the best to follow our new independent relationships since we had never intended for a LDR, but we're still really good friends. It only lasted just over a year though so maybe it would have broken down over time and I'm now stuck with a unrealistic image of having my cake whilst eating it.
>>57971I don't think there can ever be any kind of one size to fit all, so I don't think either monogamy, polyamory or open relationships should be pushed. People forcing themselves into whatever the new woke relationship trend is probably causing so much unnecessary heartbreak, but at the same time there shouldn't be shame in admitting that you're just not monogamous.
I wish we lived in a world where everyone wanted the same things.
No. 57981
>>57971>"polyamory is the natural state for humans, monogamy is a social construct forced upon us". I'm pretty sure this was just a meme made up by neckbeards to convince themselves that being with several 3/10 girls at once is totally acceptable behavior. Though to be fair, it does say something when you consider how common it was for husbands to have mistresses and affairs in history.
imo poly relationships just don't work. These kids can say that it's "natural" to want multiple partners, but jealousy is also a natural emotion. So, ya know.
I've also had a bad experience where this guy tried to get me to fuck his poly gf so that he could watch. An awful first impression of these types of people because now I know that it's just a fetish for some (or most?) of them.
No. 57988
>>57981>jealousy is also a natural emotion I don't know. Maybe is normal but it's so wrong.
So sorry about you experience. Must be very hard dealing with poly (romantic) relationships, more of one partner and trying to detect Onions
No. 58000
>>57981If 90% of people are monogamous there's a good reason behind it. I'm not shitting on poly people but it simply doesn't work for the majority of the population.
Sex is way too tied to a person's self-worth that it's hard to accept the fact that your loved one could favor fucking someone else over you.
Plus a couple has a "Us against the world" mentality that is reassuring. I think some poly couples CAN form such a team with 3 or more people, but most people would feel left out after a while.
If I'm in a relationship with someone I want to bond and experience things with that person, I wouldn't want them bonding with their other girlfriend or share secrets I'm not let into.
Now more power to poly who put in the insane amount of work to make it alright (what if your boyfriend's girfriend cheated on him and now you got a STD ? What if you get into an argument with girlfriend #2 and want your bf to take your side ? What if one gets pregnant ? etc …) but don't try to push it down people's throat or make it seem we're the dumb one to want to keep a relationship down to 2 person.
No. 62994
Sorry for reviving a dead thread, but I got excited seeing a poly thread here! I figured I'd post even if no one else responds.
I'm currently in a poly relationship. I've got two boyfriends. My last relationship before this one was also poly, and ended because of communication issues. This time around I'm making more of an effort to keep things open and honest. For the record, my partners aren't involved with each other, but they're close friends.
Maybe I'm biased or idealistic, but I think it's possible for poly relationships to work. It's rare, but definitely possible. It comes down to understanding that it's okay to love different people in different ways, and for different reasons. I think it's unfair to expect one person to fulfill all of another's needs, and it's even more unfair to say that the heart only has room for one person. I've been in monogamous relationships before where both me and the other person tried to be "everything" to each other and it just…didn't work. We were compatible romantically but not sexually (or vice versa), and there were certain levels of intimacy that one of us wanted but the other couldn't provide, but were able to find elsewhere. It ended up straining the relationship because I felt like if I loved them, if I was their One True Love, I should be able to fulfill every one of their needs. But sometimes, things don't work out that way.
I'm well aware that poly relationships are likely to fall apart, but all that matters to me is that we're happy right now. That's why we all do our best to be as honest with our feelings as possible, to avoid any drama. But talking about your feelings is important in any relationship.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I hope it provides a little insight into one person's perspective.
No. 63005
>>63001Sounds like your boyfriend was only going into it with himself in mind, especially if he was focusing on her rather than making sure you were okay with it the whole time.
Clearly only wanted to get his rocks off, getting it on with another girl instead of having to dump you to find one. Sorry it happened anon, least you know to never go down that road again.
No. 63023
>>62994What a scumbag! Sorry that happened to you. At least you had a good experience before he ruined it.
>>63016Right? It's so easy to tell when someone's in it for themselves. I'd have more respect for these guys if they'd just admit they wanna fuck another girl.
No. 63292
>>63023>>63091Sorry for the late response! We did in fact meet online. I met my first boyfriend years ago through tumblr (I always say he's the only good thing to come from my time there lmao) and the second a few years later because he ran in the same social circle as us. I started dating the second nearly a year ago, but we had been close for a long
time and realized he meant much more to me than I'd thought. When I told my first bf, he said "he IS really cool" and gave me the okay.
They weren't that close before I started dating BF #2! When BF #2 came to visit us for a few days. (I live with BF #1 but we're all moving in together soon!) They found out they had way more in common than they thought. I think it's so cute when they goof around together! It makes me so happy to see my boys get along for real reasons beyond having me in common.
BF #1 was already open to being poly, as he and I had actually already been in a triad with someone else for a few years that ended a shitshow once I introduced BF #2. I'll spare the details, but it ended with me breaking down and asking them if they really thought this kind of relationship was right for them, and that's how we started the breakup process.
No one asked for this advice, but I'll give it anyway: I think it's a bad idea to seriously date more than two people at a time. People are complex, and the more people involved in a relationship, the more complicated it gets. It's not fair to you or to anyone else you're with to spread yourself too thin both physically and emotionally! I've heard that in some poly relationships, people have a "primary" partner that is their serious long-term relationship and "secondary" partners who are more casual. I've known people with 3 or more primary partners who run themselves ragged trying to make time for everyone and it always ends in a meltdown.
No. 63293
>>63289Sorry for samefagging so soon, but there's really no problem with being monogamous! Don't force yourself to try it. Poly stuff really isn't for everyone, and if you're not comfortable with it now, you likely won't be comfortable with it later. I mean, if your jealousy is to the point of unhealthy, then yeah that's not good, but I think it's normal to be a little jealous when it comes to your boyfriend. And jealousy exists for poly people too! It's just a matter of talking things out like in any relationship.
And I mean, honestly I'm a little jealous of you! If I ever wanna get married, I have to choose between one of my boyfriends. I'll never have my relationship legally recognized, and people will think I'm some sort of sex freak. I truly think it's beautiful to be dedicated to one person, even if it's not my thing! <3
No. 63312
>>63289Polyamory will sap the jealousy out of you if you keep telling yourself you're ok with it but in exchange you suppress the rest of your emotions too. Avoid at all costs, he's just thinking selfishly.
>>63291Not much to say. I was young, vulnerable and incredibly depressed. A guy I liked said he would date me but only if he could date other girls too and I stupidly accepted. He gathered other girlfriends while I was alone and he would never reply to my texts or messages for more than a few minutes. We spent time together in person which is what convinced me to stay but he would often bring up the other girls and try to get me involved with them. That made me very uncomfortable so I drew the line there.
I left because I finally learned to love myself.
No. 63388
>>63315I pretty much agree with every post I see like that, if a friend of mine started to get pressure from their bf to try a poly relationship I would tell them to dump the loser
But at the same time, I'm that loser. I wish my bf would let me have an open relationship and even though I accept that I can't push him to let me, it is always hanging over me that I want something that hurts him.
At the end of the day, it's awful if you have different stances on open relationships. It hurts the monogamous person to tell them that they're not enough etc, but it also hurts the non-monogamous person to tell them that they should be guilty or ashamed for admitting what they want.
No. 63502
>>63500>he is the most jealous person on the planet.What exactly is wrong with this?
Guys are correct to be jealous and suspicious, it is really common for women to cheat, and
compared to men it is extremely easy for them to cheat, even ugly/fat girls have tons of guys competing to fuck them.
Would you rather have your boyfriend just not care if you cheat? If so you're probably a degenerate broken whore yourself.
No. 63509
>>635021) Fuck off robot
2) men cheat more than women, because men are scum and your stupid memes aren't realty
3) yes, it would be better for men to not be hypocritical duck bags
4) kill your self you fucking little shit bitch
No. 63513
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>>63502>What exactly is wrong with this? Jealousy is bad because it's a sign of deeper insecurity (something I'm sure you're very familiar with). Someone who becomes easily jealous subconsciously or consciously thinks their partner will leave them aka they don't trust their partner will stay with them and assumes they will be tempted away. People who are secure in their relationship will not feel this way.
Jealousy can also be a huge red flag for someone who is cheating. Because
they cheated, they assume their partner will do the same to them, hence them being insecure douchebags whenever their partner interacts with anyone "threatening" enough.
I mean, I doubt you will ever have this problem since you can't even get the lowest hanging fruit, but there you go.
No. 63528
>>63509>men cheat more than womenNot anymore. Women cheat way more than men because their sexual value is insanely overpriced, they know they could easily get another guy at any time.
Guys know just how hard it is to get a new girlfriend. Most men treat the first woman who shows interest like finding water in a desert, they'll put up with A LOT of shit from her because they don't want to lose access to her pussy/mouth/ass.
Guys will say to other guys: "I hate my girlfriend, but the sex is too good to give up".
>>63510>>63513What if it's not irrational jealously?
Why do you blame men for being afraid their girlfriend will cheat, when the girlfriend does NOTHING to assure them that they won't.
They do the exact opposite, they dress provocatively, talk to other guys who want to fuck her, are generally around guys who want to fuck her, and we live in a very adulterous society where no one faces legal punishment for cheating.
Therefor it's not "irrational" jealousy, it's very reasonable, there's at least like a 30% chance they will get cheated on, that's valid reason for them to be concerned.
Almost every guy who is afraid that his girlfriend will cheat is right, she will probably cheat if given enough time and opportunity.>>63509
No. 63638
>>63493Not necessarily. I'm attracted to both men and women, but if my partner was only attracted to women i wouldn't think he was selfish for only being into FFM. That's ignorant. I bet you think people who don't date transgendered persons are 'red flags' too.
>>63500Everything else here IS a red flag though.
Anon, dump this loser, especially since you're clearly not happy with him.
>>63502You're either a neckbeard or giving some obvious bait so your opinion doesn't matter.
No. 63661
>>63345I probably have to leave him.
I'm a mess over it though. Our relationship was amazing and powerful for so long. Then the cheating started 2 years ago.
I believed that he wants to be better but I don't know if I can stand the indignity anymore.
Would be easier if he wanted to break up with me or if he weren't beautiful/emotional. That said, I know that I don't deserve this kind of treatment.
No. 63674
>>63661He wants a "get out of jail free" card to cheat on you. Plain and simple.
You just need to leave him dude. It's hard to throw away that much time together. It was hard for me to leave my abusive ex of 3 years even after i found out he was cheating on me (and i found out snooping through his phone so I didn't feel like i could confront him about it).
I wish I had broken up with him right then though.
It's better to get it over with quick, like pulling of a bandaid, than waste both of your time and parts of your life when you aren't making eachother happy anymore. And face it, if he was happy, he wouldn't be cheating on you, that's the biggest reason anyone cheats: Being unhappy.
You don't deserve being cheated on or to be with a guy asking you permission to cheat on you if you're not into open relationship kinda shit. It's not fair to you.
It's always better to talk in person, especially if you're otherwise in a good relationship if the cheating wasn't happening (because I seriously doubt he hasn't still tried to cheat since you caught him tbh, he probably has a girl lined up to fuck and it's why he's asking you permission).
Just talk to him about how you feel, and about how he feels, and tell him you think you'll both be happier splitting up.
You can go with the "let's be friends" thing if it helps him emotionally but i'll warn you a lot of girls fall into the trap of fucking their exes that are seeking other girls and never moving forward. don't let that happen.
If it were me i'd just do it quick and dirty through a text message but i'm kind of a cold hearted asshole.
If he gets clingy or even abusive after, don't be afraid to block him on all forms of contact.
Just move on, anon. you can do better.
No. 63696
>>63419Good for future reference, but as you can see by this thread it's an easy mistake to make.
Before I met my boyfriend I honestly didn't believe that any man would turn down a threesome or a free pass to cheat.
No. 63772
>>63674Thanks, anon. It is really hard. I'm not really young, and I had never loved and been attracted to anyone like with him. It was like a film. Except now the genre of the film has changed.
Your words are wise and give me some strength.
No. 63774
>>63674Samefag -
I do still somehow believe he loves me, despite doing this to me.
The actual story is even worse than I presented it. But it doesn't matter. I found out by snooping in his phone, but after the fourth time, I just told him how I knew.
He wants to stay together.
No. 63814
>>63774If the story is worse than when you're presenting it as then please do yourself a favor and don't stay with him. There's nothing wrong with being alone, no matter how old you are. This isn't the 50s where a woman over 30 is "leftovers' if they aren't married/engaged/LTR.
Your happiness needs to be #1 anon. Unless he can commit to you 100% all the time, which I doubt he can with this shit he's asking of you, don't stay.
No. 66016
>>62994Polyamorous anon, if you're still around, would you be interested in answering some questions? I'm bisexual and dating a man, and while I would be perfectly fine being monogamous, I'm a very passionate and intensely emotional person and he isn't. He loves me very much, he just isn't as emotionally "colourful" as I am, if that makes sense. Coping with my big emotions is exhausting and frustrating for him, even when he's trying his hardest. So we've talked about maybe at some point, me having a casual girlfriend just so not all of my feelings, both positive and negative, are directed towards him because it's so overwhelming. We have very strong communication, but I'm curious about the kind of boundaries and rules you have in place, though it sounds like you don't have a "Primary" and "Secondary" partner type of relationship with your boyfriends.
No. 66065
>>66016im not the anon, but a new polyamorous anon, but I could explain.
Im also a bisexueal female anon. Im married to a man, who I am together with for over 10 years now. We started an open relationship around 5 years ago, which turned out just fine. In the beginning it was just sex, but since Im not satisfied by men and their whole ding-dong game, I was looking out rather for women. I had a short relationship with a girl in my teens so I knew I was bisexual from the start.
For a few weeks now Ive started a side-relationship with another woman. It wont be something for forever as she said she couldnt live with being always only the "second one" - although I see them both as rather equivalent and even could imagine living together and raising kids together - but thats not for her. :(
I wouldnt say it's primary and secondary, although im married to one and we're far longer together and live together in an apartment. As I said theoretically I very much could imagine to live together as a commune with 2 other people without the necessity of them having sex together, with both being equivalent partners to me. Just everyone having their own room and so on. It's just hard finding a third person like that, that would be okay with that.
When we only started an open sexual marriage it wasnt as bad as it was only physical and also I was never fully committed as I was never pleasured. When we began that experiment, we both started out looking for people. We gave each other "veto" rights, to break off the whole open commitment and staying monogamous again, or if the other just found someone the partner was not okay with (old coworker). We also said it shouldnt be acquaintances of the other (old school colleges, current coworkers, old friends, etc).
In the end both of you and your partners need to have a good self-awareness. Just talk about how you would feel comfortable in your relationship, while meeting with someone new. Dont necessarily listen to "must-do's" and rules. Everyone is different and you need to find out your own boundaries. If you feel boundaries or experience things youre not comfortable with you need to talk about how to handle it. It only works if both partners in an open or polyamorous relationship can talk about their feelings uninhibited and that you know yourselves good or good enough to know how to react.
The major issue for (my) both partners is jealousy and the anxiety of losing the other to that third person. I wouldnt say that risk is non-existent, even for me. Meeting someone new, developing feelings for them and commiting sexual relations is opening up the relationship and you might find out that you love another one more dearly. You wont know what will happen. Even for me I was jealous, but I am much less jealous as in the beginning of our open marriage.
Are you both planning on getting a third partner for a menage a trois?
No. 66123
>>58002This. In no way are the humans naturally made for polygamy. Most polyamorous relationships I've witnessed don't last very long due to people becoming possessive/jealous of their partner. At first it might be really fun for the "main" person to have the best of two worlds (a more serious relationship and a less serious fuckbuddy one) but soon enough one of them wants out. I've known so many poly relationships and they have ALL turned out like that. It always becomes such a clusterfuck of jealousy and insecurity.
>>62994And this person here just proved my point with her "we tried to be ~everything to each other~". The hedonistic idea in poly relationships, just like they were in ancient history, is that one is the "main wife" and the rest are just "lovers". You get the security of having a stable relationship with one, but also the thrill of having someone not as serious. And this is why poly relationships fall apart. No matter how much you "communicate" everyone can't be equal in one.
>>63292As proven here as well. People get jealous and possessive because the human nature is complex, selfish and focused on self-preservation. That's why poly relationships are stupid, they cause unnecessary stress to people.
No. 66142
>>66065I was the question asker, thank you for your input.
>>66129I have lots of close female friends, and I do discuss my emotions with them. it's not about needing someone else I can talk things out with, I have plenty of emotional support in that area. It's having another person I can love and care for the same way I love and care for my boyfriend. He doesn't have the capacity to accept all of the emotion I'm capable of giving him. The fact that he doesn't need to give and receive the same amount of love and affection I do makes him feel inadequate and me feel insecure and unreasonable. A second partner for me would give me someone else to share the affection with so I don't worry about overloading him, and he doesn't feel pressured to handle all of it. I've discussed it with my therapists and she agrees it could be an option worth exploring at some point. However, seeing as we're both quite young, we may just grow to a point where it's not necessary. It's likely I'll mellow out with age.
>>6613310/10 sick burn, better go grab some ice.
No. 66212
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>>62994>We were compatible romantically but not sexually (or vice versa), and there were certain levels of intimacy that one of us wanted but the other couldn't provide, but were able to find elsewhereWhat you are basically advocating is: "Instead of working on improving ourselves for our relationship's sake, we conveniently dispose of each other when we feel like it and, therefore, treat other human beings like service providers and products to meet our needs. Good job in partaking in dehumanization through consumerism and hedonistic degeneracy."
Your post is so unspecifically written and worded in general terms, that you're probably just shilling this destructive lifestyle to fellow impressionable anons.
I can see your nose.
No. 66222
>>66170Hi,
>>57968 here.
There is simply not enough time and energy. The extra affection is not worth the extra hustle. And you get to find out that there is such a thing as too much sex.
You would burn out as I did.
No. 92498
>>66212fuckin a, well said. how the fuck is there a non-dehumanizing, healthy way to essentially have one person for fucking, one person for emotional fulfillment, one person for stability, etc. consumerism and dehumanization is right.
i actually don't doubt that being poly could work for some few people, but only if they're all just sexually promiscuous and not very serious about it all, not this libtardified sister wives shit where you have a haram member for each need. gross.
also, if you do something you know can be damaging and unhealthy for most average people, but you believe that you're the exception where it's healthy and great for all parties, you ought to walk that path alone and not promote it because you
know most people can't handle it properly. same thing applies to non-necessity sex workers and cam girls who insist they love it. if you're one of the rare few who isn't harmed by something largely harmful, great, enjoy but don't shill it. don't go selling cigarettes because
you have lungs of steel.
No. 92565
Every poly couple I’ve met has been extremely predatory, maybe it’s just where I live or the fact that I’m bi, but I’ve been harassed, stalked, and narrowly avoided being date raped by a couple of poly couples. And the worst part is that in my experiences, it wasn’t even the guys being overly aggressive with me, it was the women. Dumpy, obsessive sh0eonhead knockoffs, who couldn’t take no for an answer. So excited to have found a unicorn, that they lose all rational thinking. Meanwhile, I may be bi but I’m not blind or stupid, don’t take my kindness as some sort of interest in your bedroom circus act. In fact, on the most recent encounter with a poly couple I was in a relationship and very open about it, but I’d already made the mistake of being friendly and alone around them. I’ve since wised up and keep my sexual orientation to myself, I also stay well the fuck away from anyone who tells me they’re poly, the risk outweighs the possibility of a friendship. Poly relationships just seem to breed power complexes and insecurities and I frankly want no part.
No. 92704
>>92679He’s not being nice..
If your self esteem is so low that you really feel that being some guys side piece is a step up you need therapy, not a boyfriend.
What is nice about this?
He’s collecting girls to screw.
No. 92713
>>92704>>92702To be honest I'm just trying to enjoy what I have. I don't really want to be his wife or anything like that. I've met his girlfriend when we were friends and she was cool with me.
Like I said, he's nice to me and we hang out, go on dates etc. He doesn't abuse me or anything.
He's pretty much the only man in my life who has treated me kindly. I seriously thought I was going to die a kissless virgin.
No. 92723
>>92713You’re really going to let yourself be used for the price of a movie date and not being smacked around?
Therapy. Lots of it. If you can’t afford it, use online resources.
Its hard to see it when you’re an abuse survivor, but not abusing you, and not being a raging asshole are things everyone should be doing to you and everyone.
how tense is the relationship between you and his other girlfriend?
How often is one of you rejected for fucking the other?
How is that healthy?
No. 92724
>>92706There’s a reason so many of them are furries, wiccans, or are overly invested in their bad idea of bdsm.
Poly relationships are a joke and only degenerates and people with zero self respect would consider it.
No. 92726
>>92719Yes that was me. I'm surprised you remember.
I'm not in a state of misery, really. It's actually nice to finally have someone to talk to and hang out etc
>>92723>how tense is the relationship between you and his other girlfriend? I don't really talk to her. She has her own life and I have mine. We don't share a house or anything. She knows I don't really want him to be my husband or anything like that.
>How often is one of you rejected for fucking the other? Most of the time he sets up dates for us and takes care of the logistics.
>How is that healthy?I know it's not ideal but it seriously feel better than the loneliness and rejection I've dealt with my whole life.
No. 92727
>>92726Dude how old are you?
I bet you’re under 22.
Subjecting yourself to bullshit like this isn’t gonna get you anywhere, and it’s not gonna last.
He’s gonna get sick of juggling multiple dates, especially when more new girls get brought in and girlfriend one is replaced, then you.
I know it’s hard to feel rejected or alone but having a shred of self worth feels better than allowing yourself to be a fucktoy for some loser who can’t have an adult relationship.
The faster you abandon this dysfunctional nonsense and treat yourself like a person who deserves better than what your abusers gave you the better.
This guy isn’t a boyfriend, he’s expending as much effort on you as it takes to walk the dog. You’re a hobby not a partner. Until you demand better you’re gonna be treated like shit.
No. 92728
>>92727I wish I was under 22, I'm actually in my late 20s. I know this won't last forever and I'm fine with it, I'm just trying to enjoy certain things I've never had before.
Another thing is that if a miracle happens and I find a guy who likes me, I'll end this relationship.
No. 92731
>>92728Are you like..trying to prevent yourself from even imagining not being some dudes cumrag?
Jfc get some therapy. A boyfriend is the last thing you need if you’re this mentally ill.