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Townhall is scheduled for May 22nd, GMT 2PM.

File: 1491880175529.jpg (53.29 KB, 500x550, d75fb826f6ace431cbd40e4de247a0…)

No. 57943

Experiences and thoughts about polyamory?
I'll start.
>had only 2 relationships both long term (+4 years)
>both were my only sexual experiences
>now I want to have another sexual partner since I'm curious
>S.O. is ok about this and encourages me to do it
>I'm indecisive because I don't want to ruin my relationship

No. 57949

Gross. Why does anyone need a literal clusterfuck for a relationship?

No. 57950

>being in a relationship with a cuck

In any case, if you love him don't do it. Either he'll eventually start resenting you or you'll fall in love with someone else/out of love with your bf.

No. 57951

>being a cuck

Well, at least you're not a """"bi"""" girl in a FFM, but still.

No. 57952

>>57943
Go away, Onion

No. 57954

File: 1491901712414.jpg (28.76 KB, 600x315, s4eamxv.jpg)

Having two boyfriends would be cool. Having two husbands would be even better. Though, I've always been the type in any given fandom that if there's a love triangle going on, I ship the whole threesome. And maybe that's all because I usually develop interest in more than one person at a time. Romance and life would be easy mode if jealousy wasn't a thing.

No. 57962

>>57951
I'm lesbian. I have zero interest at boys because what if I find Onion? Gross

>>57954
Same. But in my case is purely sexual. I'm not interested in having two romantic relationships

Dunno, maybe "polyamory" isn't the correct word.

No. 57966

>>57962
If it's just physical then you're looking for something more like "open relationships", "swingers" or "hotwife".

>>57954
Agreed, I had an open relationship once and it was the most fulfilling thing ever. I wish that my current boyfriend could put his traditional values aside but my desire for casual sex doesn't outweigh my love for him and I would never cheat. OP is living the dream.
Unless her bf actually can't take it and gets jealous.

No. 57968

Tried it. Twice, just to be sure. It's not for me.

Getting double the attention just wasn't worth giving double the attention.

Fuck, there are times when dealing with just myself is too much, dealing with two people intimately is just too demanding.

No. 57970

>>57966

Why your open relationship ended?

No. 57971

I don't think humans as a species are made for polyamory, or at least not open relationships. Maybe a closed relationship between a couple people at most. Human children need so much time, effort and stability that isn't doable without monogamy or a close knit relationship. Children in families where people come and go usually turn out really messed up. So I don't belive the "polyamory is the natural state for humans, monogamy is a social construct forced upon us".

But thats just my two cents, people can do what they want

No. 57977

>>57970
It became a LDR and we both started to be emotionally invested in people that wouldn't have settled for poly (my now longterm bf and his now longeterm gf lol). We decided it was for the best to follow our new independent relationships since we had never intended for a LDR, but we're still really good friends. It only lasted just over a year though so maybe it would have broken down over time and I'm now stuck with a unrealistic image of having my cake whilst eating it.

>>57971
I don't think there can ever be any kind of one size to fit all, so I don't think either monogamy, polyamory or open relationships should be pushed. People forcing themselves into whatever the new woke relationship trend is probably causing so much unnecessary heartbreak, but at the same time there shouldn't be shame in admitting that you're just not monogamous.
I wish we lived in a world where everyone wanted the same things.

No. 57981

>>57971
>"polyamory is the natural state for humans, monogamy is a social construct forced upon us".

I'm pretty sure this was just a meme made up by neckbeards to convince themselves that being with several 3/10 girls at once is totally acceptable behavior. Though to be fair, it does say something when you consider how common it was for husbands to have mistresses and affairs in history.

imo poly relationships just don't work. These kids can say that it's "natural" to want multiple partners, but jealousy is also a natural emotion. So, ya know.

I've also had a bad experience where this guy tried to get me to fuck his poly gf so that he could watch. An awful first impression of these types of people because now I know that it's just a fetish for some (or most?) of them.

No. 57988

>>57981
>jealousy is also a natural emotion
I don't know. Maybe is normal but it's so wrong.

So sorry about you experience. Must be very hard dealing with poly (romantic) relationships, more of one partner and trying to detect Onions

No. 58000

>>57981
If 90% of people are monogamous there's a good reason behind it. I'm not shitting on poly people but it simply doesn't work for the majority of the population.

Sex is way too tied to a person's self-worth that it's hard to accept the fact that your loved one could favor fucking someone else over you.

Plus a couple has a "Us against the world" mentality that is reassuring. I think some poly couples CAN form such a team with 3 or more people, but most people would feel left out after a while.

If I'm in a relationship with someone I want to bond and experience things with that person, I wouldn't want them bonding with their other girlfriend or share secrets I'm not let into.

Now more power to poly who put in the insane amount of work to make it alright (what if your boyfriend's girfriend cheated on him and now you got a STD ? What if you get into an argument with girlfriend #2 and want your bf to take your side ? What if one gets pregnant ? etc …) but don't try to push it down people's throat or make it seem we're the dumb one to want to keep a relationship down to 2 person.

No. 58002

I used to know a lot of polyamorous people and their relationships were always a fucking wreck for the same basic reasons they tried so desperately to deny, which was that maintaining a lasting, healthy one-on-one relationship is a rare enough thing to begin with, and there they were fucking around juggling multiple partners and becoming surprised when it falls apart due to basic human jealousy. Even polyamorous people often end up realizing that it's hard to feel like your partner loves you unconditionally when they're balls-deep in another woman

No. 59706

Polyamory is literally retarded but you're describing an open relationship instead which is different. Some people find success with that kind of thing or swinging but there's a lot of things you need to take into consideration anon

What if your bf asked if he could sleep with another girl? Would you be okay with it?

My husband and i are both interested in a threesome but have also both agreed it wouldn't work because we don't want to share each other with someone else

It's a possibility to consider.

There's also different shit like
>what if you get pregnant and it's not your bfs? Even on birth control, using spermicide AND a condom, shit happens
>how many different partners will you have?
>std prevention and testing is going to have to be more often especially if your new partner(s) is also sleeping with other people.

>what if it becomes more than sexual at some point?


Make a responsible choice and accept the consequences of whatever happens

No. 62994

Sorry for reviving a dead thread, but I got excited seeing a poly thread here! I figured I'd post even if no one else responds.

I'm currently in a poly relationship. I've got two boyfriends. My last relationship before this one was also poly, and ended because of communication issues. This time around I'm making more of an effort to keep things open and honest. For the record, my partners aren't involved with each other, but they're close friends.

Maybe I'm biased or idealistic, but I think it's possible for poly relationships to work. It's rare, but definitely possible. It comes down to understanding that it's okay to love different people in different ways, and for different reasons. I think it's unfair to expect one person to fulfill all of another's needs, and it's even more unfair to say that the heart only has room for one person. I've been in monogamous relationships before where both me and the other person tried to be "everything" to each other and it just…didn't work. We were compatible romantically but not sexually (or vice versa), and there were certain levels of intimacy that one of us wanted but the other couldn't provide, but were able to find elsewhere. It ended up straining the relationship because I felt like if I loved them, if I was their One True Love, I should be able to fulfill every one of their needs. But sometimes, things don't work out that way.

I'm well aware that poly relationships are likely to fall apart, but all that matters to me is that we're happy right now. That's why we all do our best to be as honest with our feelings as possible, to avoid any drama. But talking about your feelings is important in any relationship.

I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I hope it provides a little insight into one person's perspective.

No. 63001

My boyfriend asked if we could have an open relationship and I was pretty upset. I thought about dumping him but at the time I was madly in love with him and didn't think I could do any better, so I asked if we could have a threesome with a friend of ours instead as a compromise. He said yes. He was really enthusiastic about it, a lot more than me.

I was really nervous so the girl and I went first and it was a really beautiful, sensual experience but then when my boyfriend joined it was obvious his entire attention was on her and like even looking at me was a chore.

Overall it ruined what we had because I might as well have been invisible, and was one of the stupidest things I've ever done.

I sometimes wonder if an open relationship vwould have been better for us but I doubt it as I'm very monogamous and it takes me ages to start liking any guy.

I think polyamory as a whole is stupid but if it works for other people then cool. They must have no jealousy switch, which I envy greatly.

No. 63005

>>63001
Sounds like your boyfriend was only going into it with himself in mind, especially if he was focusing on her rather than making sure you were okay with it the whole time.
Clearly only wanted to get his rocks off, getting it on with another girl instead of having to dump you to find one. Sorry it happened anon, least you know to never go down that road again.

No. 63016

>>63001
OT but it's funny how a lot of guys are obsessed with threesomes, even when they're in a relationship, but ONLY if it's a ffm one. This speaks volumes about their intentions

No. 63023

>>62994
What a scumbag! Sorry that happened to you. At least you had a good experience before he ruined it.

>>63016
Right? It's so easy to tell when someone's in it for themselves. I'd have more respect for these guys if they'd just admit they wanna fuck another girl.

No. 63091

>>63032
I agree, how did this even happen? Did you guys meet online?

No. 63103

Prior to moving to my current city the only poly people I met were nasty. Creepy, predatory guys who were looking for young girls to bully and attention seeking girls who were way to jealous to actually be poly.

In my current city there is a much bigger poly scene but I hear about it way less from this crowd. They all seem chill and happy and the poly people i know here are all respectable. It makes me believe in it more (though I still think lines like "it's natural, our default state" or "love is like a fountain, multiple people can stand under it at a time" are dumb, thankfully no one here says that). I dunno if I would want it for myself. though. It seems like it would be emotionally exhausting for me. I think might have a casual relationship every now and then because shiny new things are fun, but most of the time it doesn't appeal to me in the slightest and thinking about shiny new things is just about as exciting as actually having one so I don't need it in my life.

No. 63269

I got tricked into the polyamory meme before and never again. I was depressed and didn't think anyone else would love me so I just agreed. I regret it heavily.

No. 63289

>>63269
I feel the same way, though I've never gone poly, but my bf is interested…Just thinking about sharing him tears me apart. I wish I was emotionally tough like the rest of you bitches instead of a jealous faggot.

No. 63291

>>63269
Same. It happened to me, too. Do you want to swap stories? I hate feeling alone in this.

No. 63292

>>63023
>>63091
Sorry for the late response! We did in fact meet online. I met my first boyfriend years ago through tumblr (I always say he's the only good thing to come from my time there lmao) and the second a few years later because he ran in the same social circle as us. I started dating the second nearly a year ago, but we had been close for a long
time and realized he meant much more to me than I'd thought. When I told my first bf, he said "he IS really cool" and gave me the okay.

They weren't that close before I started dating BF #2! When BF #2 came to visit us for a few days. (I live with BF #1 but we're all moving in together soon!) They found out they had way more in common than they thought. I think it's so cute when they goof around together! It makes me so happy to see my boys get along for real reasons beyond having me in common.

BF #1 was already open to being poly, as he and I had actually already been in a triad with someone else for a few years that ended a shitshow once I introduced BF #2. I'll spare the details, but it ended with me breaking down and asking them if they really thought this kind of relationship was right for them, and that's how we started the breakup process.

No one asked for this advice, but I'll give it anyway: I think it's a bad idea to seriously date more than two people at a time. People are complex, and the more people involved in a relationship, the more complicated it gets. It's not fair to you or to anyone else you're with to spread yourself too thin both physically and emotionally! I've heard that in some poly relationships, people have a "primary" partner that is their serious long-term relationship and "secondary" partners who are more casual. I've known people with 3 or more primary partners who run themselves ragged trying to make time for everyone and it always ends in a meltdown.

No. 63293

>>63289
Sorry for samefagging so soon, but there's really no problem with being monogamous! Don't force yourself to try it. Poly stuff really isn't for everyone, and if you're not comfortable with it now, you likely won't be comfortable with it later. I mean, if your jealousy is to the point of unhealthy, then yeah that's not good, but I think it's normal to be a little jealous when it comes to your boyfriend. And jealousy exists for poly people too! It's just a matter of talking things out like in any relationship.

And I mean, honestly I'm a little jealous of you! If I ever wanna get married, I have to choose between one of my boyfriends. I'll never have my relationship legally recognized, and people will think I'm some sort of sex freak. I truly think it's beautiful to be dedicated to one person, even if it's not my thing! <3

No. 63312

>>63289
Polyamory will sap the jealousy out of you if you keep telling yourself you're ok with it but in exchange you suppress the rest of your emotions too. Avoid at all costs, he's just thinking selfishly.

>>63291
Not much to say. I was young, vulnerable and incredibly depressed. A guy I liked said he would date me but only if he could date other girls too and I stupidly accepted. He gathered other girlfriends while I was alone and he would never reply to my texts or messages for more than a few minutes. We spent time together in person which is what convinced me to stay but he would often bring up the other girls and try to get me involved with them. That made me very uncomfortable so I drew the line there.
I left because I finally learned to love myself.

No. 63315

i dont think it'll ever work in a committed relationship. if you have to tell someone that you NEED another person, that you love them with all your heart but they STILL aren't enough on their own? you're a horrible person.

you're manipulating that person, telling them they should accept that they can never be good enough to satisfy your needs, that they should lower their standards for you because they aren't worth being monogamous for. they arent worth your devotion, they arent worth giving up on other romantic/sexual relationships that you could be having, and if they loved you then they would let you satisfy your needs elsewhere.

No. 63322

>>63289
Jealousy is normal, anon. Just don't make the mistake of meekly accepting a poly relationship only to avoid "losing" your bf. If he tries to push it on you, dump him. If he cheats on you, dump him.

No. 63336

My bf of 4 years now wants permission to cheat 1-2x a year with 1-2 different women. (He's already cheated on me and thinks this is some kind of solution for it.)

Is there a name for what he wants so I can stop crying and read about it / refute it? I know what he wants isn't polyamory.

Yes, I'm in the "collecting information" part of accepting the break-up that I'm going to have to initiate.

No. 63345

>>63336
why aren't you leaving him?

No. 63346

Never ends well. I can understand swinger couples but making a relarionship out of that is just impossible.

No. 63348

>>63336
Swingers

No. 63388

>>63315
I pretty much agree with every post I see like that, if a friend of mine started to get pressure from their bf to try a poly relationship I would tell them to dump the loser
But at the same time, I'm that loser. I wish my bf would let me have an open relationship and even though I accept that I can't push him to let me, it is always hanging over me that I want something that hurts him.

At the end of the day, it's awful if you have different stances on open relationships. It hurts the monogamous person to tell them that they're not enough etc, but it also hurts the non-monogamous person to tell them that they should be guilty or ashamed for admitting what they want.

No. 63418

I've literally never seen a poly relationship that didn't end in misery for one or more parties involved. A friend of mine was bullied into one by the girl she liked and it ended with her getting more and more excluded from the relationship and just in general lost two friends over the whole thing.

I myself got abused in one as well.

I think people who need poly relationships are probably fucked up in some way and i don't think it's ever fair to force multiple people to handle your mental illness because you can't handle life alone or handle a normally functioning relationship.


It's a trend, i think it's stupid. I think the guys in them are lonely and roped into it becuase it's almost always a girl's idea to do this, and I'm pretty convinced any girl who starts one is mentally ill, slutty as fuck, or both.

No offense to fellow farmers naturally since I'm automatically excluding you all from these assumptions just to state my opinion based off my own experiences and dealings with people in poly relationships.

No. 63419

>>63388
I feel like your problem could be solved by simply dating people who are into open relationships from the get go instead of trying to drag people into it that don't want any part of it and possibly fucking them up mentally for it.

No. 63492

ive young, good looking, and missed out on any and all casual experiences as a teenager and so far into my 20s because i die-hard commit. all through uni i had to deny myself because breaking up with my ex would spiral him into depression.

i didnt want anything serious after my last breakup but i fell in love with my friend. we've been together ever since.

he is the most jealous person on the planet. i cant even talk to other guys he doesnt know without him being passive aggressive.

i want to be with him long term. its already pretty serious. it just sucks that it means i cant have any other sexual experiences. or even kisses. because intimacy is really cool.and i barely experienced it. its weird because i didnt even want to have sex before i was married.

he's also one of the ffm camp. and brought it up. i okayed it if i we were to find the right person. but me being with another guy is completely out of the question to him.

so next time we have a little talk if he wants it open up our sex life it needs to go both ways.

i just dont want to break up with him because i want to try xy or z. i love him. but we barely have sex because we live with his family….

No. 63493

>>63492
Guys who want a FFM with you but would decline an FMM are the biggest selfish hypocrites, huge red flag to me.

No. 63500

>>63492

>he is the most jealous person on the planet.


>i cant even talk to other guys he doesnt know


>he wants another girl in the relationship but but me being with another guy is completely out of the question


>we're not even married but we're living with his parents.


this guy is practically a forest of red flags? don't you have a mother or someone to ask you wtf you're thinking living with this guy's family and planning to marry him?!

No. 63502

>>63500
>he is the most jealous person on the planet.

What exactly is wrong with this?

Guys are correct to be jealous and suspicious, it is really common for women to cheat, and compared to men it is extremely easy for them to cheat, even ugly/fat girls have tons of guys competing to fuck them.

Would you rather have your boyfriend just not care if you cheat? If so you're probably a degenerate broken whore yourself.

No. 63509

>>63502

1) Fuck off robot
2) men cheat more than women, because men are scum and your stupid memes aren't realty
3) yes, it would be better for men to not be hypocritical duck bags
4) kill your self you fucking little shit bitch

No. 63510

>>63502
>Thinking irrational jealously is a good quality

This, robot, is one of the many, many reasons you are alone

No. 63513

File: 1497995324872.gif (394.8 KB, 275x173, 1458687957124.gif)

>>63502
>What exactly is wrong with this?

Jealousy is bad because it's a sign of deeper insecurity (something I'm sure you're very familiar with). Someone who becomes easily jealous subconsciously or consciously thinks their partner will leave them aka they don't trust their partner will stay with them and assumes they will be tempted away. People who are secure in their relationship will not feel this way.

Jealousy can also be a huge red flag for someone who is cheating. Because they cheated, they assume their partner will do the same to them, hence them being insecure douchebags whenever their partner interacts with anyone "threatening" enough.

I mean, I doubt you will ever have this problem since you can't even get the lowest hanging fruit, but there you go.

No. 63528

>>63509
>men cheat more than women

Not anymore. Women cheat way more than men because their sexual value is insanely overpriced, they know they could easily get another guy at any time.

Guys know just how hard it is to get a new girlfriend. Most men treat the first woman who shows interest like finding water in a desert, they'll put up with A LOT of shit from her because they don't want to lose access to her pussy/mouth/ass.

Guys will say to other guys: "I hate my girlfriend, but the sex is too good to give up".

>>63510
>>63513
What if it's not irrational jealously?

Why do you blame men for being afraid their girlfriend will cheat, when the girlfriend does NOTHING to assure them that they won't.

They do the exact opposite, they dress provocatively, talk to other guys who want to fuck her, are generally around guys who want to fuck her, and we live in a very adulterous society where no one faces legal punishment for cheating.

Therefor it's not "irrational" jealousy, it's very reasonable, there's at least like a 30% chance they will get cheated on, that's valid reason for them to be concerned.

Almost every guy who is afraid that his girlfriend will cheat is right, she will probably cheat if given enough time and opportunity.>>63509

No. 63638

>>63493
Not necessarily. I'm attracted to both men and women, but if my partner was only attracted to women i wouldn't think he was selfish for only being into FFM. That's ignorant. I bet you think people who don't date transgendered persons are 'red flags' too.
>>63500
Everything else here IS a red flag though.

Anon, dump this loser, especially since you're clearly not happy with him.
>>63502
You're either a neckbeard or giving some obvious bait so your opinion doesn't matter.

No. 63661

>>63345
I probably have to leave him.
I'm a mess over it though. Our relationship was amazing and powerful for so long. Then the cheating started 2 years ago.

I believed that he wants to be better but I don't know if I can stand the indignity anymore.

Would be easier if he wanted to break up with me or if he weren't beautiful/emotional. That said, I know that I don't deserve this kind of treatment.

No. 63674

>>63661
He wants a "get out of jail free" card to cheat on you. Plain and simple.

You just need to leave him dude. It's hard to throw away that much time together. It was hard for me to leave my abusive ex of 3 years even after i found out he was cheating on me (and i found out snooping through his phone so I didn't feel like i could confront him about it).

I wish I had broken up with him right then though.

It's better to get it over with quick, like pulling of a bandaid, than waste both of your time and parts of your life when you aren't making eachother happy anymore. And face it, if he was happy, he wouldn't be cheating on you, that's the biggest reason anyone cheats: Being unhappy.

You don't deserve being cheated on or to be with a guy asking you permission to cheat on you if you're not into open relationship kinda shit. It's not fair to you.

It's always better to talk in person, especially if you're otherwise in a good relationship if the cheating wasn't happening (because I seriously doubt he hasn't still tried to cheat since you caught him tbh, he probably has a girl lined up to fuck and it's why he's asking you permission).

Just talk to him about how you feel, and about how he feels, and tell him you think you'll both be happier splitting up.

You can go with the "let's be friends" thing if it helps him emotionally but i'll warn you a lot of girls fall into the trap of fucking their exes that are seeking other girls and never moving forward. don't let that happen.

If it were me i'd just do it quick and dirty through a text message but i'm kind of a cold hearted asshole.


If he gets clingy or even abusive after, don't be afraid to block him on all forms of contact.

Just move on, anon. you can do better.

No. 63696

>>63419
Good for future reference, but as you can see by this thread it's an easy mistake to make.
Before I met my boyfriend I honestly didn't believe that any man would turn down a threesome or a free pass to cheat.

No. 63772

>>63674
Thanks, anon. It is really hard. I'm not really young, and I had never loved and been attracted to anyone like with him. It was like a film. Except now the genre of the film has changed.

Your words are wise and give me some strength.

No. 63774

>>63674
Samefag -

I do still somehow believe he loves me, despite doing this to me.

The actual story is even worse than I presented it. But it doesn't matter. I found out by snooping in his phone, but after the fourth time, I just told him how I knew.

He wants to stay together.

No. 63814

>>63774
If the story is worse than when you're presenting it as then please do yourself a favor and don't stay with him. There's nothing wrong with being alone, no matter how old you are. This isn't the 50s where a woman over 30 is "leftovers' if they aren't married/engaged/LTR.

Your happiness needs to be #1 anon. Unless he can commit to you 100% all the time, which I doubt he can with this shit he's asking of you, don't stay.

No. 63818

>>63774
you're going to regret every single day you decide to stay with him.

No. 66016

>>62994
Polyamorous anon, if you're still around, would you be interested in answering some questions? I'm bisexual and dating a man, and while I would be perfectly fine being monogamous, I'm a very passionate and intensely emotional person and he isn't. He loves me very much, he just isn't as emotionally "colourful" as I am, if that makes sense. Coping with my big emotions is exhausting and frustrating for him, even when he's trying his hardest. So we've talked about maybe at some point, me having a casual girlfriend just so not all of my feelings, both positive and negative, are directed towards him because it's so overwhelming. We have very strong communication, but I'm curious about the kind of boundaries and rules you have in place, though it sounds like you don't have a "Primary" and "Secondary" partner type of relationship with your boyfriends.

No. 66021

>>66016

Anon are you me? Similar situation! I'm scared to get a girlfriend. My boyfriend said to start talking casually to women and find someone to potentially date.

No. 66065

>>66016
im not the anon, but a new polyamorous anon, but I could explain.

Im also a bisexueal female anon. Im married to a man, who I am together with for over 10 years now. We started an open relationship around 5 years ago, which turned out just fine. In the beginning it was just sex, but since Im not satisfied by men and their whole ding-dong game, I was looking out rather for women. I had a short relationship with a girl in my teens so I knew I was bisexual from the start.
For a few weeks now Ive started a side-relationship with another woman. It wont be something for forever as she said she couldnt live with being always only the "second one" - although I see them both as rather equivalent and even could imagine living together and raising kids together - but thats not for her. :(

I wouldnt say it's primary and secondary, although im married to one and we're far longer together and live together in an apartment. As I said theoretically I very much could imagine to live together as a commune with 2 other people without the necessity of them having sex together, with both being equivalent partners to me. Just everyone having their own room and so on. It's just hard finding a third person like that, that would be okay with that.

When we only started an open sexual marriage it wasnt as bad as it was only physical and also I was never fully committed as I was never pleasured. When we began that experiment, we both started out looking for people. We gave each other "veto" rights, to break off the whole open commitment and staying monogamous again, or if the other just found someone the partner was not okay with (old coworker). We also said it shouldnt be acquaintances of the other (old school colleges, current coworkers, old friends, etc).

In the end both of you and your partners need to have a good self-awareness. Just talk about how you would feel comfortable in your relationship, while meeting with someone new. Dont necessarily listen to "must-do's" and rules. Everyone is different and you need to find out your own boundaries. If you feel boundaries or experience things youre not comfortable with you need to talk about how to handle it. It only works if both partners in an open or polyamorous relationship can talk about their feelings uninhibited and that you know yourselves good or good enough to know how to react.

The major issue for (my) both partners is jealousy and the anxiety of losing the other to that third person. I wouldnt say that risk is non-existent, even for me. Meeting someone new, developing feelings for them and commiting sexual relations is opening up the relationship and you might find out that you love another one more dearly. You wont know what will happen. Even for me I was jealous, but I am much less jealous as in the beginning of our open marriage.

Are you both planning on getting a third partner for a menage a trois?

No. 66123

>>58002
This. In no way are the humans naturally made for polygamy. Most polyamorous relationships I've witnessed don't last very long due to people becoming possessive/jealous of their partner. At first it might be really fun for the "main" person to have the best of two worlds (a more serious relationship and a less serious fuckbuddy one) but soon enough one of them wants out. I've known so many poly relationships and they have ALL turned out like that. It always becomes such a clusterfuck of jealousy and insecurity.

>>62994
And this person here just proved my point with her "we tried to be ~everything to each other~". The hedonistic idea in poly relationships, just like they were in ancient history, is that one is the "main wife" and the rest are just "lovers". You get the security of having a stable relationship with one, but also the thrill of having someone not as serious. And this is why poly relationships fall apart. No matter how much you "communicate" everyone can't be equal in one.

>>63292
As proven here as well. People get jealous and possessive because the human nature is complex, selfish and focused on self-preservation. That's why poly relationships are stupid, they cause unnecessary stress to people.

No. 66129

>>66021
>>66016
Forgive my ignorance, but couldn't you just talk about such issues with a very close female friend? I don't really see why you would need to branch out and get a casual girlfriend for emotional closeness.

No. 66130

>>66123
True, polyamory is some sort of new age thing now people do to be hip and seem more "open". But once you go fast forward of some months, it's already crashed and burned.

No. 66133

>>66129
Having a close female friend isn't speshul enough, duh anon

No. 66142

>>66065
I was the question asker, thank you for your input.

>>66129
I have lots of close female friends, and I do discuss my emotions with them. it's not about needing someone else I can talk things out with, I have plenty of emotional support in that area. It's having another person I can love and care for the same way I love and care for my boyfriend. He doesn't have the capacity to accept all of the emotion I'm capable of giving him. The fact that he doesn't need to give and receive the same amount of love and affection I do makes him feel inadequate and me feel insecure and unreasonable. A second partner for me would give me someone else to share the affection with so I don't worry about overloading him, and he doesn't feel pressured to handle all of it. I've discussed it with my therapists and she agrees it could be an option worth exploring at some point. However, seeing as we're both quite young, we may just grow to a point where it's not necessary. It's likely I'll mellow out with age.

>>66133
10/10 sick burn, better go grab some ice.

No. 66170

We've thought about polyamory but fuck, how do you find the time and energy when you're working and are a home body? I could use the extra affection/sex but I know I would burn out after a few weeks.

No. 66212

File: 1502104653969.png (26.19 KB, 472x594, Who could it be.png)

>>62994
>We were compatible romantically but not sexually (or vice versa), and there were certain levels of intimacy that one of us wanted but the other couldn't provide, but were able to find elsewhere
What you are basically advocating is: "Instead of working on improving ourselves for our relationship's sake, we conveniently dispose of each other when we feel like it and, therefore, treat other human beings like service providers and products to meet our needs. Good job in partaking in dehumanization through consumerism and hedonistic degeneracy."

Your post is so unspecifically written and worded in general terms, that you're probably just shilling this destructive lifestyle to fellow impressionable anons.

I can see your nose.

No. 66222

>>66170
Hi, >>57968 here.
There is simply not enough time and energy. The extra affection is not worth the extra hustle. And you get to find out that there is such a thing as too much sex.
You would burn out as I did.

No. 92495

sorry to necro but i have recently talked with my bf about opening. He is 5 years older than me and has lots of experiences with other people (emotional and sexual) but i don't. Since the beginning of our relationship we have talked about how any of us was really convinced with monogamy (even tho neither of us was in a poly relation before) and now we want to give it a try. He told me I can go on dates with other girls or guys (we both bi) but he doesn't want to do it for now because he doesn't like casual sex, instead he prefers to have friends or some sort of fuck buddies than both can have a nice time, not simply sex.
In theory poly seems natural but it feels so weird lol even if it is consensual.

No. 92498

>>66212
fuckin a, well said. how the fuck is there a non-dehumanizing, healthy way to essentially have one person for fucking, one person for emotional fulfillment, one person for stability, etc. consumerism and dehumanization is right.
i actually don't doubt that being poly could work for some few people, but only if they're all just sexually promiscuous and not very serious about it all, not this libtardified sister wives shit where you have a haram member for each need. gross.
also, if you do something you know can be damaging and unhealthy for most average people, but you believe that you're the exception where it's healthy and great for all parties, you ought to walk that path alone and not promote it because you know most people can't handle it properly. same thing applies to non-necessity sex workers and cam girls who insist they love it. if you're one of the rare few who isn't harmed by something largely harmful, great, enjoy but don't shill it. don't go selling cigarettes because you have lungs of steel.

No. 92502

i want a male harem of guys with different body types. 1 thicc one, 1 buff one, and 1 short skinny one

No. 92509

>>66212
Calm down altright princess, hope you get banned for racebaiting.

No. 92510

>>92509
Lol that post was a year ago. Well this thread is back.

No. 92513

It’s fucking stupid. It’ll never form a long lasting relationship

No. 92534

>>92495
Honestly, I think it would be better to explore and deepen your relationship with your bf. That's a better experience to cultivate, whether you stay together forever or not.

No. 92548

it's a shitty idea for broken people, and I hate how they want to be included in the 'queer' umbrella for their degeneracy, not to talk about how much of a spectacle they make their 'relationship' into. They even have a name (unicorn) to refer to pet bisexual women. They're just the hetero equivalent to bug chasers.

No. 92565

Every poly couple I’ve met has been extremely predatory, maybe it’s just where I live or the fact that I’m bi, but I’ve been harassed, stalked, and narrowly avoided being date raped by a couple of poly couples. And the worst part is that in my experiences, it wasn’t even the guys being overly aggressive with me, it was the women. Dumpy, obsessive sh0eonhead knockoffs, who couldn’t take no for an answer. So excited to have found a unicorn, that they lose all rational thinking. Meanwhile, I may be bi but I’m not blind or stupid, don’t take my kindness as some sort of interest in your bedroom circus act. In fact, on the most recent encounter with a poly couple I was in a relationship and very open about it, but I’d already made the mistake of being friendly and alone around them. I’ve since wised up and keep my sexual orientation to myself, I also stay well the fuck away from anyone who tells me they’re poly, the risk outweighs the possibility of a friendship. Poly relationships just seem to breed power complexes and insecurities and I frankly want no part.

No. 92673

All the poly couples I've met eventually split off into a monogamous/open relationship rather than staying polyamorous. I've never been interested in polyamory as I'm pretty strictly monogamous, but it's always the really ugly members of the lgbt community with awful dress sense and rainbow socks that seem to be poly.

The Chris Fleming song is pretty on point.

No. 92679

I'm part of one. A while back I became good friends with a guy and eventually I became his "second" girlfriend. Men have always treated me like shit and he's very nice to me.

No. 92702

>>92679
How does it make you feel? Do you actually want this? What does it feel like when you think of his "first" girlfriend? How would you want the relationship to develop? Do you have any needs and desires yourself, or are you just responding to his need to fuck? You sound like you'd be a good abuse victim who'd accept anything, so I'm pretty sceptical, but good on you if you're enjoying it.

No. 92704

>>92679
He’s not being nice..
If your self esteem is so low that you really feel that being some guys side piece is a step up you need therapy, not a boyfriend.

What is nice about this?
He’s collecting girls to screw.

No. 92706

Poly relationships are for people who grew up ‘ugly’ with no self-esteem. They go out in the real world and associate with other socially inept weirdos who like to bump uglies and then want to jump on every possibility they can possibly get, even if they are in a relationship. Then they try to justify their want for all of the available pussy/dcik they get because by saying its a natural want that every human has. Most normal looking people with a high sex drive will just have a hoe phase and sleep around because all of the dick/pussy is pretty easy to get if thats all you’re after. Either that or just cheat and hide it, rather than excusing themselves because they were ~born this way~

No. 92707

File: 1534810844420.jpg (83.31 KB, 750x563, poly1.jpg)

>>92706
True.

No. 92709

File: 1534810877126.jpg (27.48 KB, 300x225, poly2.jpg)


No. 92712

I'm pretty glad I'm seeing poly people being shamed a lot online recently. Making being horny into an entire lifestyle is disgraceful and should be shamed at every opportunity.

No. 92713

>>92704
>>92702
To be honest I'm just trying to enjoy what I have. I don't really want to be his wife or anything like that. I've met his girlfriend when we were friends and she was cool with me.
Like I said, he's nice to me and we hang out, go on dates etc. He doesn't abuse me or anything.

He's pretty much the only man in my life who has treated me kindly. I seriously thought I was going to die a kissless virgin.

No. 92719

>>92713
you were asking us if you should become his girlfriend either on /g or /ot right? idk man, as a khhv in early twenties myself, i still think this is pretty pathetic and you should gain some healthy self esteem or something, your posts then and your posts now just radiate misery.

No. 92723

>>92713
You’re really going to let yourself be used for the price of a movie date and not being smacked around?

Therapy. Lots of it. If you can’t afford it, use online resources.

Its hard to see it when you’re an abuse survivor, but not abusing you, and not being a raging asshole are things everyone should be doing to you and everyone.

how tense is the relationship between you and his other girlfriend?
How often is one of you rejected for fucking the other?
How is that healthy?

No. 92724

>>92706
There’s a reason so many of them are furries, wiccans, or are overly invested in their bad idea of bdsm.
Poly relationships are a joke and only degenerates and people with zero self respect would consider it.

No. 92726

>>92719
Yes that was me. I'm surprised you remember.
I'm not in a state of misery, really. It's actually nice to finally have someone to talk to and hang out etc

>>92723
>how tense is the relationship between you and his other girlfriend?
I don't really talk to her. She has her own life and I have mine. We don't share a house or anything. She knows I don't really want him to be my husband or anything like that.
>How often is one of you rejected for fucking the other?
Most of the time he sets up dates for us and takes care of the logistics.
>How is that healthy?
I know it's not ideal but it seriously feel better than the loneliness and rejection I've dealt with my whole life.

No. 92727

>>92726
Dude how old are you?
I bet you’re under 22.
Subjecting yourself to bullshit like this isn’t gonna get you anywhere, and it’s not gonna last.
He’s gonna get sick of juggling multiple dates, especially when more new girls get brought in and girlfriend one is replaced, then you.

I know it’s hard to feel rejected or alone but having a shred of self worth feels better than allowing yourself to be a fucktoy for some loser who can’t have an adult relationship.

The faster you abandon this dysfunctional nonsense and treat yourself like a person who deserves better than what your abusers gave you the better.

This guy isn’t a boyfriend, he’s expending as much effort on you as it takes to walk the dog. You’re a hobby not a partner. Until you demand better you’re gonna be treated like shit.

No. 92728

>>92727
I wish I was under 22, I'm actually in my late 20s. I know this won't last forever and I'm fine with it, I'm just trying to enjoy certain things I've never had before.
Another thing is that if a miracle happens and I find a guy who likes me, I'll end this relationship.

No. 92731

>>92728
Are you like..trying to prevent yourself from even imagining not being some dudes cumrag?
Jfc get some therapy. A boyfriend is the last thing you need if you’re this mentally ill.

No. 93323

bumping a mostly dead thread i know, but this is funny and is relevant to the topic

No. 93328

>>92728
you will find a guy that likes you, just stop wasting your time and effort on this fucking loser. please do not get into some creepy poly basement bullshit for the 'experience' that can literally invite disease into your life.

No. 94555

>>92706
>>92724

I knew a wiccan trans genderqueer friend who wanted to be in a poly relationship. This couldn't be more accurate. Once reality hits though, someone eventually ends up feeling jealous or less equally loved. Then drama ensues, and repeat the flow of tumblr posts "I need a GAAAAY poly wiccan dude to luv and we can live a happy life in the witch cauldron" (I cringed while writing that). My friends often tell me about how they see couples on Tinder looking for a third to start a poly relationship. I wonder how those ever work out honestly. Do they even get swipes besides the usual hook-up type of people?



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