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I can say from my own experience that videogames can make one lose ambition and focus of one's own goals. But so does internet addiction too. Or any form of distraction that you use to escape reality.
OP I really don't think that it is a gendered issue, like if that it's just men that play games and women have to fix. It happens just as often the other way around.
Well, my opinion is that you should seek out a partner that you either share the same hobbies (ideally) or that has hobbies that you respect. In terms of that you enjoy that they enjoy themselves while doing it. I think you should always try to find a partner where this is the case.
If you don't want to outright dump your bf because of this, maybe try to find games that you happen to enjoy, too? There are lots of casual games that have co-op. So you spend time together. Maybe try Portal 2 Co-op? It's split screen puzzle solving, and that can be fun to work out a problem together.
Or maybe Stardew Valley with a multiplayer mod? The game is about having a farm. It's very relaxing and you can build the farm and the house how you like it, and also other more challenging things like fishing or going to a mine, gathering ores and killing slime enemies. Relaxing and cosy.
If games are really nothing for you, OP and you think that anyone who plays games as a hobby to a normal amount of time is a loser.. then I think you should really try to seek out others. I'm not saying that you are right, but if that is such an important issue for you it's okay to try to find a bf that shares the view.
I would agree that, in general, men over the age of 25 who play more than 4 hours of games a day are damaging to themselves. I know someone who goes to work and then streams for 6 hours straight when he gets home. He doesn't works out, rarely cooks for himself, doesn't clean, and only hangs out for maybe an hour or so with friends before he leaves to play more games.
The "Friendship" meme of the online communities has really ruined real-world social skills with these guys. They'd much rather exist in the bubble of a "good time" on Twitch streams than work on anything related to themselves. They are WAY less ambitious in their careers and less active in playing a main role in their happiness. For example, almost all of my guy friends like this are single, but unless you go out of your way to set them up with someone, they put no other effort into it. It's from video games to shitty Comic Book TV shows and 0 self improvement.
I wouldn't say there's an addiction so much as it creates an atmosphere of complacency that's safer and easier to participate in then the real world. I feel really sad for them because their prime is always passing them by and they just resided themselves to not caring because real effort means real pain.
It's one thing to piss away a Saturday and a few nights only playing games, but when the amount of outside world you care for shrinks to the bare minimum, it's self-induced infantilism.
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Not gonna lie: If they treat vidya as a hobby then it's an instant deal breaker. I've always looked at video games with disdain and the impression I got from the online gaming communities has done nothing but amplify it.
my bf actually is disturbed by 3d porn, the most he will watch is like, gifs on reddit of jiggly titties or short webms from javs… and that's rarely, most of the time he sticks to h-doujins
hes kind of a normal guy though. he's never come off as super sex obsessed or anything like that.
tons of guys dont watch porn or havent watched it in weeks, months and even years. have you ever heard of no fap? me and my brother are really close and he told me he had a porn addiction. it took him a while to get rid of it but he doesnt watch porn anymore and hasnt watched any in over 7 months. ive had an ex who didnt like porn and i totally believe him. he would watch it once a month or once every 3 months, mostly for stress release since part of our relationship was long distance.
ill stop here to avoid further derailing but its amazing how some anons think all men are like the guys we see online. no, the porn addict males arent normal males, and definitely not the rule either.
My husband spends a lot of his time after work playing games on his pc and it doesn't bother me. But I like to be left the fuck alone most of the time on weekday evenings personally. He doesn't have a problem with stepping away from a game to do more important things so I don't really have any complaints.
Back in the day my parents would come home from work and watch tv for like 6 hrs straight so what's the fucking difference with video games tbh. I know a couple of my friends hate when their boyfriends/husbands play games and seem to honestly feel entitled to all of their free time. But it's not like the thing they're suggesting they do "together" instead of him gaming is any better. Usually just binging something of her choice on Netflix.
I agree with you 100% anon. I was really baffled when I met my gamer bf because he had none of the classic gamer tropes, and I think the difference is down to how he has never bothered with 4chan/weeb stuff and practically never watches porn (INB4 omg he lyin). Also I guess it helps he was raised to be empathetic human and financially independent.
It's the combined effect of isolation and unhealthy narratives (sounds so sjw lol) in online culture that really fucks people up. I have plenty of male friends that do game and take part in internet culture like 4chan or whatever, and so they do have some more edgy humour, but they have enough of a irl balance of actual lives and irl friendships that they haven't been redpilled or whatever into being angry slobs.
Some guys just have shit personalities though.>>55497>an atmosphere of complacency that's safer and easier to participate in then the real world
This so much. It's the same with chanboard, bad tv shows, drinking. Videogames are just another one of these things that people can escape into
No fap is for delusional virgins who think they will reach some kind of higher self-actualization by not masturbating (and then a hot girl will magically land in their lap). It is in no way a casual "ehhh I just won't fap to porn," they have built a creepy cult-like mentality around it, mainly powered by incels. Just take a peek at r/nofap.>>55538
If you get jealous that your bf plays shit without you, you have other deep-seated issues at work that have nothing to do with gaming.
I'm that anon, and honestly, yeah, believe it or not.
We've had some pretty deep conversations (actual discussions, not arguments) about it and we both agreed to stop together the little bit of porn watching we did, and it has been like 2 years now for both of us. Our sex life is better, so that is a bonus. The foreplay is 10000% better for sure (which is probably why our sex life is better).
Obviously he was never very porn-sick to begin with, because as soon as you criticize porn to those guys they go into major defense mode, which is a big red flag for an addiction. >>55536>It's the combined effect of isolation and unhealthy narratives (sounds so sjw lol) in online culture that really fucks people up.
Very true, and sad you can't talk about it without people getting all knee-jerk reactionary about it.
I honestly was probably really close to falling for all this myself when I was younger (teens), but being poor and losing internet for years at a time really helps you break out of it lol so I just never returned to it, thank god. And dating my first serious BF who was a fucking mess really helped me realize what a horrible effect it has on people who are already kind of off-balance mentally/emotionally.
>>55532>Regular porn is pretty tame though, and not really disgusting at all.
Regular porn really isn't tame, though. It has been steadily getting more and more hardcore since the 80's. Our regular porn now is
the hardcore porn from then.
>"Even the mildest pornography is shocking to the average person. I’m surprised it’s legal." - Paul Thomas (a porn film director) in a 2007 interview.
>99% of guys watch regular ass porn of two people fucking.
If stats are to be believed, most guys who watch porn want to see "teen" and incest and anal. Those are decidedly not "normal" despite being popular. Popular=/=normal.
>Its pretty delusional to believe that its abnormal to watch porn, and only degenerate men watch more than lesbian porn.
Porn has been shown in lots of studies across decades and continents to have many negative psychological and even physiological effects on men. For example, men who watch porn are less likely to feel empathy for rape victims (probably because another "normal" porn category is rape porn), and be more aggressive, and more likely to coerce partners into unwanted sex (guys begging their girlfriends for anal, for example, which is now a growing problem on college campuses which is just sad to me).
This is all besides the physical problems like impotence that porn causes men.
These are all abnormal.
>Hell, most women watch porn, and if you believe the pornhub stats, they watch just as "degenerate" porn as men.
I disagree most women watch porn, but are a growing number of young women being raised to watch porn? Yes. A study found that viewing porn young was linked to women having "rape fantasies."
That is abnormal.
It's a pretty terrible industry, anon, with real world consequences on the performers and the people watching it. You don't have to be some morally righteous religious zealot to think it's degenerate.
However, porn has done a pretty impeccable job of establishing itself in our culture as beyond criticism. The mere mention of forcing stars to use condoms causes an outrage. Where is the outrage that nurses and doctors need to wear gloves to protect themselves and their patients? There isn't any, even though porn stars have staggeringly large rates of infections and so by and large should have even stricter requirements; which porn watchers loathe.
It is quite creepy. My husband and I were looking for a community about porn addiction for some tips, and /r/pornfree is probably a healthier and more rational alternative. Unless I had a serious mastubation addiction I wouldn't even consider the idea
In response to OP, I've had mostly negative experiences even just speaking to guys who are gamers. They tend to never shut up about it and embarrass themselves constantly. Also yelling while playing. My sister's boyfriend is like that and it hurts to watch. I can see how you'd get this idea, but I can't paint "dudes who game" as all bad. I met my husband on an MMO afterall. Our hobby is gaming and we both play several hours a day, but we don't obsess over it 24/7 or even really talk about it. We play our own games side by side or play games together. Our fun money goes towards games, consoles, collectibles, TVs, computers, etc. It has never been a sore point for us.
Before we married, we both agreed that we would be willing to give up videogames for better things when given the opportunity. Gaming is "easy" for us as a young couple getting on our feet. To be honest we'd rather have a farm and raise chickens or train horses or some shit. We're saving up to buy property in a more rural area and I won't she'd a single tear when I don't have time to play games anymore.
The 80's had real legal incest and paedophilia so yeah I hardly think its getting worse. And hardcore in porn simply means that you can see the acts, not that it is any worse. Plus, pornhub and all the other common sites do not have rape as a category. If rape porn was that normalised, wouldn't rape be a category?
And when I said degenerate, I didn't mean your personal views on the industry. You can think its degenerate, thats fine. I meant the acts. Most guys just watch penis in vagina/ass/mouth. Guys getting off to triple anal rape with elderly and barely legal teens isn't that common, most just watch regular sex acts. And I don't think its degenerate to watch two people have normal sex, or that men/women should be labeled disgusting because of that.