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Townhall is scheduled for May 22nd, GMT 2PM.

File: 1483183777406.jpg (50.88 KB, 396x385, FBM.jpg)

No. 50979

Post embarrassing truths you would never tell anybody without anonymity.

>I cum really really quickly

>Sometimes before a full minute of sex

No. 50980

>i lurk this board

No. 50981

File: 1483262507764.gif (6.89 MB, 480x270, drunkaroo.gif)

>>50979
>extremely grateful for auto correct because I'm a borderline alcoholic
>yes I used auto correct for the statement above

No. 50982

I binge eat (no purging) sweets once a week. I call it my cheat day since I eat healthily for the rest of the time, but I'm literally just shoving food into my mouth like I'm a Slaton sister. I even have a designated shopping trip for this cheat day.

No. 50983

>>50979
unless you're male, that's actually quite impressive

No. 50984

>i mean for starters……. i lurk lolcow
>i have a habit of internet stalking/ checking up on several people i shouldn't give a fuck about/ aren't in my life, like my boyfriend's ex (this one i feel the creepiest about because i've never met her) and this girl i used to go to school with who used to be a chunker and rapidly lost weight/ became kinda instafamous
>legitimately concerned and unsure if this is hatestalking to make myself feel better or out of jealousy or both
> i've been bulimic for a good third of my life now and somehow no one is anywhere near suspicious because i look/act normal and it isn't usually severe
>i steal my b/p food most of the time
>i have a shoplifting problem (on and off), which in itself makes me pretty fucking deplorable
>i'm actually really good at shoplifting and the advantages make it real fucking hard to stop
>i feel like i'd be a sociopath if i didn't have so much empathy/ self hatred since i'm able to still do all of this bullshit in secret and bury it past the point of remorse or wanting to change

No. 50985

>>50984
the 'stalking' is fairly normal unless you're doing it obsessively over a long period of time or like getting super personal. I do it too, I check up on my former friends (I moved away) once or twice a year to see what they're up to.

I mean my mother relays gossip from my hometown to me on a weekly basis, the internet just makes it easier.

No. 50986

File: 1483271934926.jpg (116.34 KB, 700x1000, pete-campbell-lg.jpg)

i've had eating issues for a lot of years and have recently started browsing the pro ana scumbags thread because seeing these pathetic people motivates me to never be like them

pic unrelated

No. 50987

>>50985
jesus, I'm glad I'm not the only one that does this. I honestly got a power trip when I realized that my former friend unfriended me after our last exchange.

No. 50988

it's painfully ironic/hypocritical to be confessing this on the same website that calls cows out on this shit all the time, but on and off i use photo editing apps to shoop some of my features or slim myself down. not unrealistically, not even enough to where i look different irl but enough to boost my self esteem and BDD issues a bit. still feel really guilty for it despite the subtlety, but i suppose i'm at least a lot more self aware than the cows on here

No. 50989

>>50988
oh god, i feel this way too. i've forced myself to believe i only look good in filters and i hate myself so much for that

No. 50990

>When I get really frustrated I bottle it up until I'm alone and then slap myself or punch my legs and head. I feel ridiculous afterwards and only marginally better.
>I watch fucking ridiculous amounts of porn and masturbate way too much
>I spend absurd amounts of time sitting in my room looking at the same websites and imagining myself in situations that will never happen

No. 50991

>>50990
same tbh, except I don't hit myself any more. I just smoke a lot of pot, drink alcohol and smoke cigs.

No. 50992

File: 1483344864114.png (84.3 KB, 1280x720, 5BA05A5F-34ED-457E-A03D-000F12…)

>>50991

Thirded. Shit bitches are you me?

In addition to this I'm literally unable to move out of my hometown because the thought of driving in unfamiliar places gives me panic attacks and nightmares despite nearly 8 years of driving.

No. 50993

Im not sure if I should feel embarrassed, prob not but dunno if this is weird lol.

I love watching guys with full beards shave their faces – that turns me on sooo much. Especially if they're hot.
There's a ton of those videos floating around YT and I enjoy watching those for obvious reasons.

Am I weird!? I don't like hair/excessive body hair, ughhh.
It's basically just the face shaving process, it's just so manly. Idk.

I'm very vanilla so no idea if others like the same.

No. 50994

I like eating my boogers. I've been doing it since I could remember and tried to stop but can't.

No. 50995

File: 1483358350663.png (317.49 KB, 1280x720, image.png)

>>50979

>my dream is to move far away from people and become a fully sufficient homesteader

>Eventhough the sex I have is amazing, I still find sex repulsive
>I can't stand people who base their logic from their emotions, I find them weak
>I'd rather fake conversation in my head, then talk to actual people

> I hate that I realize that in order to get the things I want in life, I have to socialize with people. I hate small talk, and feel fake pretending to give any fucks.


Tdlr, I have a love/hate relationship with my personality disorder .-.

No. 50996

This is more shameful/morally corrupt than embarrassing but

>Im currently stringing along a guy I have no interest in because he might be able to get me drugs

No. 50997

File: 1483362091607.png (144.92 KB, 702x397, 1474556263960.png)

>>50993
i'm on a similar boat anon. On top of shaving videos i like haircut videos as well. i have a slight a haircut fetish and i say slight because im not like the scary type that like to degrade people with head shaving and all that creepy bullshit.
the ones i usually like is when a person gets a drastic makeover and it improves their overall appearance.
my fetish leaves me feeling ashamed and dirty all the time, like to me its the hardest thing in the world for me to get a haircut cause it's awkward as fuck being wet and internally work up in front of a complete stranger. even though they cant see my reaction i still feel humiliated.
it sucks too cause i wish i could cut my hair really short but it doesnt flatter my face and i dont want to orgasm at a salon

No. 50998

File: 1483363416987.jpg (48.58 KB, 600x562, 1483213737088.jpg)

>Implying I'm female
>I come in piece

No. 50999

>>50995
what's your disorder? I have the same thoughts but I'm not diagnosed with anything.

No. 51000

>>50995
i feel you on the homesteading and small talk

No. 51001

>>50979

me moving back to my home country after 4 years was extremely traumatic for me and i never ended up making friends for quite some time. i feel like i stunted my "social" growth and i sound retarded when i try to speak to people my age. i'm extremely shy and usually only feel comfortable with girls older or slightly older than me and guys. my boyfriend often warns me about guys though because i can never realize when they're flirting with me. i think everything is just normal talk and i guess i can't really clue in with their signs i guess?
i don't think i'm explaining right. it's like, i'm mature but feel extremely naive when it comes to socializing with others. i also can't connect to any of them because i have weebish hobbies and moved around a lot due to being a military brat. i guess i'm basically socially retarded.

also my sex drive got killed when i got depressed, then stayed that way when i tried anti depressants and now im not sure if my birth control is also killing my libido or if i'm just not interested in sex. i can't look at people and get turned on, and i feel bad for my boyfriend because i'd like to pleasure him more but im rarely in the mood.


also i got touched as kid. i went to this special 2 session psychologist guy or whatever the fuck and he told me to do some drawings and from them he concluded that i may have been sexually abused as a child. it was embarassing so i just denied it and kek'd.
i don't even want to classify it as sexual abuse because it was a female and all we did was kiss and touch each other and i didn't really know what i was doing but i wasn't saying no?

i've never told anyone except my boyfriend but i still don't know how i feel about it.

No. 51002

>>51001

lmao sorry for replying to the wrong post im still a little dazed

No. 51003

I'm an illustrator and sometimes use photos from instagram as reference pictures and draw the thing almost exactly as in the photo. Admitting this irl would kill my career

I also like BDSM and think that slight ddlg is kind of hot, which is kind of pathetic

Also picking my skin and especially scalp almost obsessively

No. 51004

>>51003
the issue with ddlg is that old creepy fucks are using it as an excuse to get with teenagers, then document it on tumblr for all to see. You're probably fine anon

No. 51005

>>51003
It's like I'm reading a post I made myself, whoa.

No. 51006

>>50983
This. There is literally no reason to be embarrassed by this if you are female.

>>50993
That's not really that abnormal; there's something intimate about watching your SO shave their beard, and it is manly.

>>51003
I used to pluck hairs obsessively, especially pubic hairs. It mostly went away after a few years, but it was embarrassing and not good (just exacerbated ingrown hairs).

No. 51007

I have never had any issue with gay people but idk I feel weird and uncomfortable around same sex couples in a way that doesn't happen with straight ones. I would never ever admit this irl because my ass would be roasted.

No. 51008

>>51003
I pick my scalp too and I'm honestly scared of telling anyone or going to a hairdresser. I can't even tell my therapist. meh

No. 51009

>>50983
>>51006

Different anon, but I have the same problem. It's frustrating because I get disinterested in sex after cumming, which makes me feel bad for my boyfriend. I've gotten better at lasting longer, but it can still get annoying. Also, I've never met another woman irl with this problem, and I'm afraid if I bring it up it'll sound like I'm bragging.

No. 51010

>>51007
I have this same problem and it's pretty weird considering I'm bisexual myself and I watch a fair amount of gay and lesbian porn. I feel like I've so heavily sexualized same-sex relationships that I entirely associate gayness with sex in a way that was never an issue with straight couples (because for a long time the only same-sex relationships I ever saw were in porn and fanfics lol).

No. 51011

>>50997
>>51006
Thank you kind anons. I do have a thing for haircuts too, I love watching men get haircuts and it turns me on but not as much as the beards. );

Like a few other anons here I pick my scalp too, though not obsessively. I do it when I'm anxious or nervous. On the other hand, I chew my inner cheeks…All the fucking time, even in public. I know i look like a moron doing it but it's been more than a decade and I can't stop.

No. 51012

I pick my nose. I don't eat it like the other anon, just wipe it wherever. My family and my boyfriend are the only people who know.

No. 51013

When crap is not coming out even after pushing I sometimes get a finger in to get it out. I've been doing it for a few years I guess, maybe 3 or 4. I once saw a few posts on /jp/ saying they did the same and it made me feel better lol.

No. 51014

File: 1483403700050.jpg (43.59 KB, 630x350, Squatty-Potty.jpg)

>>51013
Try the Squatty Potty. Or just use two full, wrapped rolls of toilet paper, one under each foot, for the same effect.

No. 51015

File: 1483404001893.jpg (655.29 KB, 670x800, g4.jpg)

>i like to cut myself to drink blood because its my fetish
>i also pick my nose and wipe it places
>I'm usually pretty hygenic but i often times wear the same pair of underwear/socks for weeks and only really change if im going out with friends
>I post on lolcow but im a guy
>tfw no gf

No. 51016

>>51015
Never thought I'd see another anon with the same fetish! I like blood too. I'm also embarrassed about it.

No. 51017

>>50995

Oh my God, all of these, same here. I feel like such a sociopath sometimes

No. 51018

>>50995
good to know I'm not alone, same settis here :3

No. 51019

i do this throat sound that's really embarassing. sometimes it happens randomly but sometimes my throat and mouth will itch after eating certain raw veggies and nothing will soothe the itch unless i make this really annoying bear sounding thing it's really embarrassing because sometimes i somehow do it in my sleep and i've never met anyone who did it

No. 51020

>>51019
Would it be too much to ask for a Vocaroo? You've got me curious.

No. 51021

File: 1483410098919.jpg (5.76 KB, 264x319, X3NV5Ah.jpg)

My entire life is pretend. Every social interaction I have is just me pretending. Smiling, laughing, acting upset, or inserting appropriate responses when prompted.

I hate it because none of the friendships I have are genuine. It's all just me mimicking whoever I'm with. I do it because I'm scared people won't like who I am, even though I actually think I'm pretty interesting. I wish I could stop but I'm too scared to just be me.

No. 51022

>>51021
this was me up until I got so fed up and anxious with the way people thought about me that I started to just say what I meant. Disagreeing when I disagreed. I enjoyed high school more and I felt like I had true friends that really valued my opinions and I didn't care what other people thought. Of course back then my interests were of course identical to my friends, but I think that's just something that happens.

But please don't think I'm confident in the slightest because I still hate myself.

No. 51023

>>51016
weird because I post it on 4chan all the time and no one ever responds :(

No. 51024

>I get terribly turned on by men with long hair esp. When they tie it. Or when they put it back with a Pin or those head band things. My partner has it and I spend hours playing with it and I li ke it more that sex…
>I'm mentally il but I dont Want my bf to see it so sometimes I just Cry in the shower or veeeery slow after He Falls Asleep to let all my anxiety out. Its not that I am Sad 24/7, I just get uncomfortable very easy and the overload of things makes me Cry.
>I dont believe in myself enough so I just dont do things but sometimes I manage to get something done and will think of it for days
>I collect small toys and Monster high. Not all of them tho, only the on es I really li ke.


Sorry for typos, random capitalization and toner shit, I have the tablet keyboard in another language

No. 51025

>>51023
4chan is full of normal people, that's why. it's been quite mainstream for years everyone else has moved on and grew up or moved to lesser known imageboards.

No. 51026

>>51022
That's my problem I guess. I don't really have a lot of common interests with people where I live (kind of a conservative place). The few times I've tried to just open up, people were either weirded out or not interested at all.

No. 51027

>>51025
>normal
They still talk like autistically crippled retards. Either normal people are becoming more retarded or your exaggerating

No. 51028

>>51024
>I get terribly turned on by men with long hair
Same, there are way too many instances of me checking out a guy with long hair from the back only for him to turn around and be an old asian man

No. 51029

>>51014
Ever since I was small, I have the habit of sitting on the toilet, hands on my knees and head on my hands. I just zone out that way and it's really comfortable for me.
I never have shitting problems due to this, but I fear that someday soon I'll get hemorrhoids.

No. 51030

>>50979

It is certainly a curse mate. Even if I could get over the fact that I really wanted to make her have a good time, there's also the fact that I couldn't just enjoy sex, with no goal and no aim, no gameplan, just for its own sake. When for some reason you were born with a hypersensitive dick and everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that you're too nervous, too excited, too inexperienced or all sorts of shit when no, I'm just fucking cursed.

Anyway mate I went to the doctor, laid it all out on the table and he perscribed me SSRIs. I was hesitant, very hesitant, but you take them as needed, not on any schedule and the ones they give you are made specifically for PE. After about 6 months of using them I don't even need them anymore.

No. 51031

File: 1483460897460.jpg (169.57 KB, 960x960, 15697404_1398487820195994_2136…)

>>50984

I feel for you. I don't shoplift but I've stolen b/p food from common areas of schools, out of fridges, licked frosting off cakes and covered it back up, real psycho sleuth shit. Here is a virtual arm around the shoulder or a hoverhand if you're not cool with that.

I think about stimulants every day of my life. I usually take them for a 3 day period once every one or two months for the past 5 months, but I started taking them in college on and off. I feel happiest and most in control when I'm on them. I feel like I can actually do what I put off all the time. I hate myself for taking them in the first place. My parents used to do coke for like 20+ years before they had kids, so it's probably in my genes.

No. 51032

>i'm a petty thief
>i can't interact with other people unless i'm some sort of intoxicated
>i'm always "wearing a mask"

No. 51033

>>50999

Schizoid personality disorder. I wasnt given enough social interaction at a young age, so I developed an interpersonal world to cope. My parents also neglected and abused me, so I never really intimately connected with anyone in my immediate family. I never learned how emotions worked, aside from shut up so you don't get hit. I never feel like I fit in in any group, regardless of how well I seem to be able to communicate with them. I'm always the outsider looking in.

I currently have over 100 characters in different spots in life that I like to use as a springboard to run socialization scenarios against. At times they can start conversations in my head, mostly when I'm either stressed or bored.

It gets tough when I get stressed, I start to feel an urge to just cut everyone lose and disappear off the face of the planet. Friendships are alien to me, and I get uneasy when people know too much about me.

I've apparently adapted so well, that I come off as an extrovert. I'm friendly and personable and if I told anyone who I conversate with daily about my illness, they'd probably not believe me. It causes a bit of a internal conflict, because I realize that all I'm doing is just projecting what they want of me, just to appease them and get them off my back.

Sage for blog post .-.

No. 51034

>>51033
I'm sorry, that sucks.

At what point does an interpersonal world become pathological? Could you give a more detailed description? I never daydream about myself. Instead I have characters I put into different situations, though it's not as many as yours. I tried to find out if my thought processes are "normal" but I couldn't find an accurate description on the internet or in literature.

No. 51035

>>51033
It's like I'm reading about me.

No. 51037

i want to be internet famous

No. 51038

File: 1483481273979.jpg (47.13 KB, 640x430, bob290.jpg)

I've already posted, but here's another thing.

I'm white, but I watch black hair care tutorials and natural hair videos because I'm afraid to ask any black girls irl. I'd be roasted alive for being curious.

No. 51039

File: 1483513977727.png (261.79 KB, 1080x1920, Screenshot_2016-11-03-14-12-48…)

This is something that I've never told anyone, not even psychiatrists.

When I was about 9, my mom and I got into a stupid argument that escalated to her pulling out a kitchen knife, running up to me then asking me if I wanted to die.
The worst thing is … I brought this up last year and she just tried to gaslight me saying IT NEVER HAPPENED. If it never happened why the fuck is it always engraved in my mind?
Instead of apologizing for it, she said she was justified in her behavior because I was a shitty kid and she was sick (physically and mentally). SICK ISN'T AN EXCUSE. How can someone abuse a fucking 9 year old like that? We most likely argued over me not wanting to practice the fucking piano.
After the escalation, I remember that I apologized for being a bad kid or something. My mom did not fucking deserve that apology.

It's also fucking weird to me because my mom and I have a decent relationship now. I keep hoping that she dies soon though. She will never be forgiven by me even though she seem so buddy buddy.

No. 51040

>>51039
Sorry, I meant *we seem so buddy-buddy

No. 51041

>>50979
I'm salty about this Brit my bf is friends with who can't get a job here (primary school dropout, not kidding) so he trawls bargain groups on Facebook, haggles with tired mothers for free/cheap stuff and resells it for profit. He's tried to do the same with me and my bf but my bf still thinks he's our friend and is just 'doing us a favour'. He lives on benefits and uses the money to take his Chinese FOB gf on fancy holidays to Europe. He's not a bad guy overall and my bf loves him to bits so I can't say anything, but I just want to give him a good hard slap whenever I see him and tell him to stop acting the bollocks.

In fact I hate all overconfident people who think the world is their playground and have that ghastly 'what are you gonna do about it' attitude.

No. 51042

>>51039
My mom did the same shitty thing when i confronted her, anon. In my case i was sexually abused when i was a kid (I was a 9 year old girl), and she eventually found out. She really blamed me for a while. My sibling and me used to sleep in the same room. One day the toddler started crying and she rushed into the room and started beating me up saying asking me if I was molesting it (I wasn't even awake before that). I swear to god. That left a deep scar on me for many fucked up reasons; until this day I fear sex, feel guilty about the smallest things, blame myself for shit i didn't even do, etc.
Years pass, I confront her about it and poof it never happened. She always does that type of shit though, it's always my fault.

Never told my psychiatrist either. Remembering it is so painful that i cant even open my mouth to talk about it.

No. 51043

>>51034
>I never daydream about myself. Instead I have characters I put into different situations

This is what I do. I find that I tend to put characters in fucked up scenarios that involve issues I'm dealing with in real life. I've never created a character that's solely me, just small pieces of my personality. I think it has to do with the whole "false self" thing and it makes it hard for me to determine how I come off to those around me in real life.

>>51036

>can you talk more about this? how'd you come up with these characters and develop them? do you actually "become" them?

My characters always started out as people I liked from popular media growing up. The first characters I had were based off Basil the Mouse detective. When I reached middle school, and Pokemon became super popular, I ended up developing a crush on Giovanni. So I created a character based off him where he had a daughter. Luckily, at the time, I had a close friend who looking back fell harder on the schizo umbrella than me, and we'd Role Play and draw cringey fan comics together.

From there it kinda became its own thing with secular themes involving fallen angels, demons, and vampires, since I went to Catholic school. So I started out with the Giovanni-esque character, and created his family, what his is in my world (head of the demons on the earth), his personality (he's the comedic drunk), his children's personalities (he has one son and one daughter), their love stories, their lifes struggles, and from there it branches out into other characters. When I create a character, I always like to imagine their background and how that affects them as a person. Then I like to use them to run scenarios, like if I'm dealing something interpersonally, I'll adjust one character to be dealing with the issue. Based on how I perceive their personality at the time, I try to see how they would work it out, and sometimes, it really does change my perspective on the situation at hand.

So for example, I'm currently dealing with issues in regards to my sexuality and rape fantasy. So I'm using a character who was previously in an abusive relationship and matching them up with another character who has an interest in BDSM but never found love from another person.

I should note that this all takes place in my head, over the years I've learned not to talk, but rather take a "nap" where I just close my eyes and enter my personal world. Substances like pot makes the experience better.

I started to write out some stories, but I've found it leads to more of compulsion to escape, and started to affect my work ethic, so I had to curb it.

sage for another blog post. Tdlr, Imma bucket of crazy.

No. 51044

>>51043
Fuck this is exactly what I'm doing since childhood. I also tried writing it down thinking I might become a writer or something but putting my characters "out there" somehow destroys the whole thing - especially when I have to deal with other people reading it. In my early teens I tried those RPG forums but it always exhausted me having to deal with input from real people. Like… whenever I tried to move pieces from my inner world into the outer world they seem to disappear completely and I'm left with nothing on the inside or on the outside. As if they're lost in translation. Therefore, I have to keep them neatly apart but there's no authentic me on either side.

I always thought this was kind of eccentric but not too abnormal… Seems like I share many traits of schizoid personality disorder. Probably should see a doctor about it - Knowing "me", I never will though.

No. 51045

I probably still believe in god. I was raised by a bunch of fucking extremist christians so the whole religion deal doesnt appeal to me. I had a brief angry atheist phase when I was 21-23 and I'm currently 24. I think that believing in god doesnt make fucking sense and my good friends are all angry atheists.. but i still feel like there's a higher power, a god or gods out there when i think deeply about life or go somewhere beautiful, like a lake nearby etc.
I think that is a silly idea and i don't want people close to me questioning my intellect so I'd never tell anyone but yes, i feel like god is real

No. 51046

>>51045
Do you think it might be how you were raised? The indoctrination starting from when you were born being permanently part of your thought processes, is what I mean.

No. 51047

>>51045
There are plenty of people who believe in a higher power but still reject the formalized system of organised religion, that's not something to be ashamed of. There are even a few big time scientists who say things about how science is just an investigation into the true awe of our creator or whatever.
You do you. Angry ranty atheists are just as bad as preachy evangelists.

No. 51048

File: 1483550637940.jpg (98.11 KB, 637x626, 1455524491081.jpg)

I love someone who isn't real and I mind them up in my mind, ugh I would rather die than tell anyone irl

No. 51049

>>51048
Same. Loving a tulpa is nothing to be ashamed of.

No. 51050

>>51046
That is a real possibility but to be honest I have no idea because when I think of God or a higher power I don't think about the Christian God. If someone had to Define my beliefs I guess they would say I believe God is or is in nature or something like that

No. 51051

>>51047
Sorry for posting twice. I didn't think before clicking new reply. Thank you for the kind words. You are probably right, I just need to accept myself and avoid becoming the type of people I hate

No. 51052

File: 1483555861311.png (46.82 KB, 500x384, 1425235135754.png)

>I started picking on my skin as soon as I started getting acne and still do it, same for my scalp. It's mostly when I get stressed, I do it without realizing it at first, it's a stupid reflex that got me countless scars all over my face and body. I wish I could stop but I can't.
>I have a hard time relating to people I know irl, even my friends, even though I like them a lot. I see people complain about the pettiest things that they brought upon themselves so often that I lost my ability to feel bad for them. I hate almost everyone from my university but I'm really good at hiding it.
>I had a huge crush on a friend from high school. She and I lost contact a little bit ever since we went to college, so when she contacted me on fb recently after months of us ignoring each other I started feeling like shit for the whole week. I guess I'm not straight then I guess, idk. Having a crush on her makes me feel like a weak idiot, I hate it.
>I hate anything related to religions. I respect the fact that people use religions to grieve or deal with hardships but my religious family made me have a really negative vision of religious people. Although, even though my family is muslim, I don't have anything against muslims more than against other religions. It's all the same to me.

No. 51053

>>51048

At leats tell us the name of the character

No. 51054

>>50984
Ever since I stopped cyberstalking people, I've felt so much better. Block the people you're stalking, Anon. My ideal goal is to not even check social media or what my current friends are doing, because even that sucks the happiness out of me and makes me so damn annoyed at how retarded they are (like sharing "facts" that aren't even true or hoax stories and they get really pissed when I prove it to be wrong).

Letting my social media feeds pile up to where it would take too long to "catch up" is a good deterrent, lol.

No. 51055

>>51037
ME TOO. It's ridiculous, it's gotten to the point that I would rather quit university and focus on streaming/getting better with After Effects/getting better at art. I'm trying to convince myself to just stick with university for now because I have some mental issues that I'd like to get sorted first, but whenever I see a person my age (I'm 19) with a cool internet job I just get super super envious.

No. 51056

>>51052
I have the same problem with picking. I pick a lot when I'm stressed out, mainly my arms, and sometimes I don't realize how much I've picked or how bad it is until I'm done.

No. 51057

File: 1483560093836.gif (1.3 MB, 320x213, 1481858274379.gif)

>>51033
No way, you're describing me perfectly especially creating characters that fits into issues I'm dealing with and sheltering, that one really hits home. But it can't be, do I have schizoid personality disorder? Where I do go to diagnosis this?

No. 51059

I want to become a popular artist who makes a living off their art.

When I look at artist patreons and theyre making a living with their works I grow insanely envious.

No. 51060

>>51058
I don't think that's what it is if I understand it correctly because those characters aren't companions. They are me but they're also not me. They're place holders for whoever I am.

>>51057
>>51043
>>51035
Maybe we should create a separate thread since it seems like there are several anon's with this problem? Also, I feel bad writing about this while others are sharing stories about being abused. It would be great if diagnosed anon could start it since they have more information and experience than we do.

>>51057
I'm >>51044 and >>51034. I read a few articles yesterday and it looks like a) there are very few people with knowledge about the disorder and b) I'm not sure what a diagnosis would achieve. The articles I read stated there's no medication and therapy only helps a little.

No. 51062

>>51061
uhm I think there's a misunderstanding. I don't want to sound dramatic or holier-than-thou but it's not something I choose to do. It isn't fun. I simply cannot insert myself into my own thoughts. Do you have an image of yourself?

If you simply want to invent characters take a creative writing class.

No. 51063

>>51058
You think a bad spookypasta was real?

No. 51064

File: 1483573115950.gif (11.21 KB, 182x200, smoooke.gif)

>obligatory borderline personality
>always fucking paranoid people want to ruin me
>quit my job because I was in my own mind so much that I started going psychotic
>believed my coworker was in love with me even know we literally never exchanged words.
>was always paranoid people were watching me
>not disabled enough to go on disability but still sit in my room 24/7 except when I go to therapy lurking lolcow and shooping cows
>shooping = only hobby I've ever had

man, I'm glad this thread exists.

No. 51065

>>51060
you should make a separate thread for this, because I would never imagine someone else that has the same mindset as me, let alone a symptom of a disorder

No. 51066

>>51065
>>because I would never imagine someone else that has the same mindset as me, let alone a symptom of a disorder

I don't understand what you're trying to say. Could you word it differently or elaborate? Why me and not the anon who has a real diagnosis? I don't imagine someone else who has the same mindset as me or a symptom of a disorder.

No. 51067

>>51052
Thirding the picking habit, anon. As soon as I'm finished picking, I hate myself for doing it, but it feels so cathartic that I can't stop.

No. 51068

>>51067
sometimes I make goals to not pick, but then I just do it automatically. goddammit.

No. 51069

I'm still afraid of the dark.

call me a bitch.

No. 51070

File: 1483607059886.png (43.13 KB, 690x535, zvdWfvL.png)

>started listening to nasheeds and all kinds of sandnig songs "ironically"
>now have my phone full of that stuff and hardly listen to anything else anymore

astaghfirullah the slippery slope is real

No. 51071

>>51070
those fuckers have some catchy tunes

No. 51072

>>51060

This anon is correct. There really isn't much info on schizoids, mostly because we normally don't think there's anything wrong, or want to fix it. We also share some avoidant tendencies. I only got my diagnosis when I checked myself into the psych er when I had a breakdown. And even then, the therapists didn't really understand how schizoids work, let alone female schizoids.

Also, this isn't one of those fun tumblr-esque disorders to romanticize. I'm very apathetic, I hate people, I avoid them like the plague. I can't properly formulate how other people see me, which causes social anxiety. I can be tactless and cold.

Look at it this way. You show up to a meet, and you see people you know. You seem to be doing well conversation wise, but still in the back of your head, you have a nagging feeling like your still not accepted into their circle. You over analyze every phrase, every response, every move. No dice, so obviously there's something off about you. After racking your brain for a few hours/days/weeks you still cant put your finger on it. So you say fuck it, I'll just entertain myself, disengage from socialization. That's schizoid hell.

As much as the disorder makes you want to become a social recluse, the human brain requires some sort of communication stimulation. If you think you have the disorder, my suggestion would be to keep at least two people in your life. They don't have to be "bestie" level. Don't let your SO be your sole person you talk to, that's too much baggage for them, so keep someone else at arms length. I find it helps if that other someone falls on the spectrum, since they'll most likely not want to talk about emotional stuff, but rather deeper intullectual topics. If you don't, your intrusive thoughts will ramp up, and your main coping mechanism (interpersonal world) stops working. Not fun. It sucks.

No. 51073


No. 51074

>>51070
lol
same, but with dancehall

No. 51075

I'm like jillian (pixylocks) my mum buys me stuff and gives me money since i was like 20 I'm 27 now kek i know people is gonna roast me here…
idk before my parents treated me like some psycho teenager cause i have depression since i was like 12 and my mom thought it waa just my rebel age or something.. i had many episodes in wich i would throw stuff around, beat and cut myself even once they took me to a psychiatric hospital but they had no space for me lol…i feel like she gives me everything cause she wasa afraid i would kill myself… she told me not to "do it for me" she said many times
nowadays I'm not at peace but i just live like it is i don't have a work i finished university and I'm just chillin kek i even traveled around Europe… my parents just give me money and my close friends know it and don't judge me.. even my sister says don't work, I am very fucking sensitive i get depressed easily so i feel like if someone in work says something bad i wont come back
it's like that and i just feel not bad but weird towards jillian cause people talk shit to her for receiving money from her momm..maybe her mom enjoys it??? i said to my mom many times dont give me so much money and she still gives me and she's happy? idk..

No. 51076

>>51075
I think that if your parents are okay with it and you really don't care, than who cares about what other people say? Fuck them, in the end those things are just opinions.
I bet my ass some of the people who complain about you sometimes wish their parents would help them too.

I'm in my mid 20s and i live with my mom and she basically takes care of me too. I suffer from depression, but I'm still a functioning member of society. I have a job and a college degree. I don't really feel bad because in my country it's totally fine to live with your parents in your adulthood if you're not a financial burden.

No. 51077

>>51076
Then*. Ignore all typos, I just woke up

No. 51078

File: 1483642409908.jpg (54.88 KB, 540x452, o1_540.jpg)

>>51076
yeah well no one ever said anything bad thing to me, my friends say they envy me lol and to enjoy it because they don't like to work…maybe the one that feels guilty is me cause i want to give something back to my parents tbh
i'm a graphic designer so i can work from home and i've been trying to make my online portfolio but i have 0 inspiration, 0 ideas 0 anything… and it depresses me and makes me anxious

and in this country is alright also, lots of people my age don't work or they work but live with their parents

i just think what happened to me is like pic related, i always thought well i can kill myself or i don't have a goal and i'm kinda regretting studying graphic design i wanted to study psychiatry or archeology lol now i'm too old for that maybe

No. 51079

>>51057
I do this as well (since childhood, base it off characters from media, have characters go through similar issues I'm dealing with but don't realize it until later, same same) but I've been diagnosed with social anxiety disorder so I always related it to that. I've read quite a few times that having an "inner world" is a form of escape / coping for SAD sufferers.

No. 51080

>>51015
>>51016

> tfw no vampire play qt bf

No. 51081

>>51042
Knife mom anon here.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. What's up with shitty moms anyway?
I totally understand. If something goes wrong, it's never her fault! It's always, of course, ME who can't understand how she feels and I must always look after her feelings.

For example, my friend committed suicide last April and I was feeling like shit and I just wanted to be alone. My mom kept poking and poking and poking me until I yelled at her to stop it. She said that my friend was an idiot for killing herself and that she was a bad person. How can she say that? Of course I disagreed with her and then the insults came.
I don't understand her oh my god that's why I'm such a shitty person and only shitty people hang out with shitty people!

I don't get it man. I don't get it.

Do you still talk to your mom?

No. 51082

I have the beauty, skills, and brain, but I've just never done anything after high school. I was "homeschooled" and always tested into gifted scoring so none of the official facilities were suspicious until I started answering questions wrong on purpose. I broke down sobbing in public when the regulator asked "whats REALLY wrong?" (with my mom right there), but I didn't dare say a single word.

But, I was discretely brutally assaulted and manipulated and brainwashed to the point I believed anything, or completely forgot whenever my mom said "it didn't happen". I was convinced of being a deformed, severe mental retard until 2014, because of the anxiety. The one time cps came, they were laughing and joking around with the cops about my "unruly rebel wildchild behavior". I read schoolbooks and drank tea silently without moving for weeks at a time. I don't have many memories of before, but I was forced to stay in the house while disowned and deprived absolutely anything but ripped middle school clothes, the textbooks given by the state, a bathroom, a (disconnected) tv, and a floor to sleep on, by my parents from age 9 to 18. No unmonitored internet or phone, ever. We had bonding days. I went out to any store of my choice (with my mom) maybe once every 2 months, with a $25 allowance that i wasn't allowed to save up. "you spend it here (claires) or get nothing." My shoes stayed locked in my moms room, so all my runaway attempts wouldn't get me far before she'd physically pick me up desperately screaming for help like a crazy person, and lock me back into the house. I thought this was a normal life, and because I wasn't ever bleeding or naked, it wasn't abuse.

One time, I tried to use the computer/a payphone to get help, and I was beaten, thrown on the ground, choked, and slapped (open hand! :) no bruises, maximum pain) for hours to the point that my ribs, wrist, and foot were fractured (HE did the heavy work). That was the first and last attempt. Food was whatever of my sisters baby food I could get from basically raising her. I was so glad when she started eating solids. She convinced her to hate me as soon as she could speak, but now my sister(s) love me most in the world, again. My suicide attempts all failed, thankfully. I left to my grandmothers when that hellhole was finally foreclosed without having my income to steal. I realized my sister couldn't stay safe just because of me anyways. I've always gotten shut down when trying to tell family about this ("liar! your mother would never!!"). I guess that's why I've ended up dumping it out on here. Also, I didn't want them to feel guilt at not stepping in when she made me look like an unstable spoiled rotten terrible bitch with years of smear campaigns.

Now that my PTSD is mostly healed over, I have lived for almost a quarter of a century with absolutely nothing to show of it. No finished college or anything more than a summer job. I've fixed up my social skills, but really don't think I could withstand sexual contact, so I don't date. I'm so broken that I can't really feel emotions anymore, so we've patched things up and still talk on holidays! :)

No. 51083

>>51082
yes, yes I'm sure all that happened

No. 51084

>>51083
creative writing assignment prob

No. 51085

>>51084
And the only programme she qualified for was probably special-ed judging from the grammar and pacing

No. 51086

>Dad is dead
>Moms boyfriend mentally abused me
>Would tell the school I felt unsafe
>School did nothing so I attempt suicide and end up in the hospital
>Mom stays with him
>Adult now, early 20s
>Still live with mom and her abusive boyfriend
>Too mentally ill to get a job
>Moms boyfriend hits me
>Is told it's my fault
>Still can't manage to leave so I live here being abused, refused food, and generally unhappy
>Mom wonders what went wrong

No. 51087

>>51082
>and slapped (open hand! :)
glad your kinks make u happy. sounds like u were living your dream. good on ya lad

No. 51088

File: 1483688399392.gif (1.05 MB, 592x394, moonman rgb.gif)

>>51070
Same think happened to me with the Moonman parodies.

No. 51089

File: 1483689118740.jpg (54.53 KB, 698x395, 5646.jpg)

>>51070
Same, anon. Nasheeds and ISIS-inspired arabtrap are pretty much all I listen to anymore. Shit is so catchy.

No. 51090

i like 2 cum in decapitated nex

No. 51091

>>51075
The thing that people hate about Jillian is that they feel she is capable of doing much more with her Mom's money than she does. She doesn't focus on what she presents as her goals and flipflops all over without taking criticism, which isn't necessarily a bad thing because it's her choice, but seeing anyone 'waste' resources that you wish you had aggravates most people.
As long as you are thankful and good to your family for supporting you and don't pretend that you've earned it yourself then that's fine. However, what are your plans for when you are old? Can your family still provide for you when you are 50? 60? Infirm? there's nothing wrong with enjoying what you're given and working on your emotional state but you can't just live in a bubble forever. You should aim to put money aside and be actively working on improving your mental health. Graphic Design and other 'arty' topics aren't suited for people with low drive, so if you can't challenge that then it might be best try more straightforward 'clock in clock out' jobs, just to earn some retirement funds. A regular schedule is good for depression, too.
Also this is a nitpick but please use commas in your walls of text in future, or you sound like a child.

No. 51092

>>51088
oh god anon, same.
also stuff like this

No. 51093

>>51092
Kek, thanks for posting this anon. I never thought I'd like a shitty song like this. Maybe if I was a butthurt pussy i would feel offended since I'm one of the targets but this is just grand

No. 51094

>>50986
I've visited mpa forum hoping to get some help to cure my ED but people there are SO stupid. like, they unironically like Cassie from skins… DUDE WHY

No. 51095

File: 1483736316567.png (403.79 KB, 460x348, u.PNG)

My brother sexually abused me when I was 10 years old and that fucked up my puberty - I couldn't trust no men anymore, let alone them touching me. What it bothered me the most was how he seemed to not know anything, which leaded to me doubting the assault ever happened at all or was only a nightmare.
This fear of men and relationship only seemed more easy when I met my current boyfriend, who is quite effeminate (though I don't really know if thats really the main reason)
I wonder if I will ever be able to forgive my brother

pic unrelated

No. 51096

why are people using this as if its the vent thread

No. 51097

>>51096
Vent thread is more for events actively happening.

This is for embarrassing secrets. To some people, abuse or molestation is embarrassing.

No. 51098

I gave a MHP a £100 gift
Can she accept it? Nother matter
It;s shameful for a fuck ton of reasons
This bitch knows some shit??
Annon here recieves scarf.
a SCARF IS A SCARF
I don't even know
She clocked it all out
Why do ppl fcus on money
and why can i not give a gift to someone, i will NEVER see again
I learnt LIFE LESSONs
embarassed

No. 51099

>>51098
Well this isn't exactly embarrassing per se but let's go…I've been working out and eating healthy food. I've cut the junk and sugary shit and progress is starting to show on my scale.
I gotta lose a ton of weight so my progress won't be really noticeable until a couple months or so, i suppose.

Anyway, I don't have many friends but I've told one of them who is supportive. My best friend whoever is a fucking bitch, so here I am, hiding things from her because she will try to put me down like she always does when I do something good for myself/achieve something, etc. I really wanted to tell her because I kinda feel bad for hiding and she will obviously see the results soon but i will hide it til the last possible moment. Maybe I need a new bff..

No. 51100

>>51099
>>51098
You have to be at least 18 to post here guys.

No. 51101

>>51100
>>51099
I'm in my mid 20s, pay my bills, act like a proper adult and believe I have more responsibilities than most non lolcow NEETs but sure faggot

No. 51102

I got a new shirt and I was gonna go out with it but the tag started itching on the back so I got pointy scissors and tried cutting it while i had the shirt on before leaving. Managed to stab myself in the arm with scissors.
I think my parents died inside as they realized how stupid their daughter is when i had to tell them.
I never know what to say to people when they ask me about the scar.

No. 51103

I laugh at people I knew from highschool that were bitches to me that had a kid when they weren't ready or if they've gotten fat.

It's nothing against young mothers or the baby themselves, but the fact they have to get up at night and deal with a screaming toddler and knowing the guy didn't stick around.

And I don't hate fat people, but I do see it as a funny kind of karma for being a nasty bitch.

No. 51104

I was 20, 21, or 22 the first time I masturbated, not entirely sure which. I do it every two or three days, typically. I had no idea how to do it or inclination to do it when I was an actual teenager, and my fiancee of two years finally broke me of being ashamed of it shortly before she dumped me for not giving her as much money as she wanted in return for nothing.

It's hard putting up with my religious upbringing, which says never masturbate no matter how much it hurts and listen to other anons talk about doing it like multiple times a day and making me feel inadequate. I could do it once a day if I really wanted to, and do when I have stress from a relationship, but it's less satisfying if I don't hold off a day or two in between.

>>50994
Me too, I think I started when I was three.

>>51019
I get that itch too and never found anything to help it other than drinking something really sugary or salty like a Coke. Thus at least partially hindering the point of eating the vegetables in the first place. It's mostly celery and raspberries that do this to me.

No. 51105

I steal toilet paper from public restrooms so I don't have to buy my own

No. 51106

File: 1484105876064.jpg (74.3 KB, 720x797, IMG_1849.JPG)

I cant cry. I try? Truly i do. Yet this past year alone ive cried three times. Two were me tearing up at really good animated movies and one time i shed some tears looking at a video of a school i want to apply to.

I have anger issues im very sure developed from my father (and circumstancial bullshit) so i curb it daily with obnoxious amounts of kindess/courtious behaviour and its led to me getting in trouble at work the days were i just keep to myself and dont say hi/ kiss ass the moment i walk in the door (but im smiling and being polite, ive never let it get between me and customer service aka my JOB) my co workers complain that i dont like them and im talked to for giving a bad mood cause my co workers get upset cause they think i suddenly dont like them… for not saying hi the moment im inside the goddamn door

Pot , cigarettes and sedatives are the only things that help me but i cant afford shit like pot and sedatives so im stuck with black lungs and gaming quietly to myself while i fume cause i stopped bruising / fracturing my knuckles and wrists in HS now that i draw and have jobs etc

No. 51107

>>51103
I think everyone does that sometimes, anon. I know I do and it's divine.

No. 51108

Was fucking my lt bf and I was really into it, then he started saying how "we'll never ever ever break up". Killed the mood obviously.


Guess it's more second-hand embarrassment but still. And he brought up breaking up two times after that lol

No. 51109

File: 1484201501783.png (1.68 MB, 1920x1080, 0824eeaecbf17aa37cdf579e5dddaa…)

>>51105
That's genius. I've not heard of such a great idea since milkshake subterfuge!

No. 51110

>>51094
(same anon) i hate mpa, it's fucking disgusting and crawling with retards. someone should do a thread on it

No. 51111

I can't pee with other people in the room, and have kicked people out of public restrooms so I could go.

I was dating someone up until I found out he raped someone, and the feeling of missing him since I cut him off has been really overwhelming.

No. 51112

>>51111
>I was dating someone up until I found out he raped someone

christ that's a tough thing to discover about someone.

No. 51113

File: 1484259885202.png (806.79 KB, 1200x675, 1479940117681.png)

I'm short and underweight because of some medical stuff I won't talk about here. No matter how much I eat I'm underweight. Where I live there aren't that many fat people but all my close friends are fatties, either clearly overweight or even obese.
They're mostly pretty ugly too, but the fact that they're all fat disturbs me a little bit more. I like them a lot, though, they're nice and fun. It's just that when one of my closest friend looks like she's pregnant, has no chin at all and has deformed legs because of how fat she is, I wonder why I'm the only one who looks normal in my friends group.

I also hate people who complain about fatphobia like they're legit discriminated against because of it. You can most likely change your weight, but you can't change your sexual orientation or your race or ethnicity so don't complain about something reversible, and here I'm speaking from my personal experience. Even worse when they're fat because they're lazy and irresponsible. Some people get fat because of medical issues and I know someone like that, and most of these people don't even have health problems nearly as horrible as hers. If they use that excuse to me they can fuck right off.

I know I sound like an asshole but I can't bring myself to feel guilty.

No. 51114

>>51111
There is substantiated proof that he raped someone, or someone just told you he's a rapist?

No. 51115

>>51114
t. robot

No. 51116

>>51115
Lmao you guys really it when anyone employs critical thinking skills towards anything related to modern day feminism, don't you?

Obviously if there were substantiated proof that he raped someone, it's completely reasonable that she broke up with him, but if she really liked dating him and respected him, I would hope she didn't blindly take someone's word for it just because an increasingly misguided ideology tends to encourage women to do this without evidence or due process.

No. 51117

>>51116
I'm not the same anon as >>51111, however, I was friends with a guy who told me one of his exs accused him of raping her. He assured me it was rough sex and she completely wanted and enjoyed and was asking for him to do these things verbally. But he said he was choking her but that she liked it.
At the end though, she told him he had raped her. He promised me it wasn't rape.
He tried to rape me two days later.
So, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, and it ended up with me in a very scary position where my body and rights were violated.

I'd tend to stay clear of dudes who have rape allegations over their head.

No. 51118

My boyfriend's sister is a FtM transgender. I don't feel it is right to acknowledge someone's delusion like that. For that reason I refuse to see his family because I just dont want to be around that. Finally we broke up after a year and 4 months of dating. It feels like he chose his little sister over me. If one of my own siblings were trans I would slap them and tell them to wake up.

I just fuckin hate trannies and wish they would all get it together. You're the fucking thing you were born as, not hard! Fight me.

No. 51119

>>51118
*ex boyfriend

No. 51120

>>51118
Lmao okay but you're a garbage human.

No. 51122

>>51118
I agree with you that trannies are deluded and we shouldn't let them indulge in such thoughts that will eventually make them want to destroy their bodies. One of my ex classmates has a ftm sister as well, so I kinda know how it feels like to have someone close dealing with a trans in the family.

Still, people are different and react differently to things. You can't really blame him for picking his family over you tbh. But at least that gives you the chance to meet someone new and better, who you know won't feed his siblings mental illnesses like you would do

No. 51123

>>51122
Sorry, sleepy. Just like you wouldn't either*

No. 51124

>>51118
My boyfriend's sister is a brunette but bleaches her hair blonde. I don't feel it is right to acknowledge someone's delusion like that. For that reason I refuse to see his family because I just dont want to be around that. Finally we broke up after a year and 4 months of dating. It feels like he chose his little sister over me. If one of my own siblings bleached their hair I would slap them and tell them to wake up.

I just fuckin hate bleach blondes and wish they would all get it together. You're the fucking hair color you were born as, not hard! Fight me.

No. 51125

>>51118
Agree with you anon being trans is just wrong. If someone has mental issues they need help not to be indulged.

No. 51126

i don't like to capitalize anything just as a stylistic choice, but grammar and spelling have always seemed like really effortless things to me, especially with endless learning resources actually, physically, literally at our fingertips. it blows my mind that people don't take thirty seconds to proofread shit, especially if having a serious discussion or trying to communicate a complex idea.

i feel that it's easy to tell the difference between someone typing shitty on purpose because they're just fuckin' around, someone who maybe isn't great because ESL, and someone who speaks english as a first language and legitimately cannot grasp simple guidelines and concepts.

fuck the third kind of people, and fuck me for caring so much about pretentious shit.

No. 51127

>>51124
Comparing bleached hair to hormones injections, chopping off body parts, growing hair unnaturally if you're f, shaving down your Adam's apple, changing your name, and trying to convince everyone you're of the opposite sex which in itself is a failed mission etc… Yeah, sure. It's the same, faggot

No. 51128

>>51124
Found the tranny. I love the dyed hair argument. Dying your hair damages and ruins it. People who dye their hair are well aware of the risk and don't try to convince others they're a natural blonde. The new "I'm a real blonde" is fake tits btw.

>>51122
Thank you so much anon. This really helped me

>>51121

I never told his FtM brother anything. I was polite to her/him whenever I saw her. I don't like how she was coddled by him and his family simply for being trans. Both him and his parents were always blunt to me. So on top of not agreeing with indulging someone's delusions, I really didn't like the special treatment. At least not from my boyfriend.

There is absolutely nothing I could do to convince any transgender person that they're simply delusional. No one can. They're just going to have to figure that out on their own. Doesn't mean I have to be around them though- which was his reason for dumping me.

No. 51129

>>51128
You're welcome, anon. I'm glad I could help.
>>51124
Tranny detected

No. 51130

>>51124
you're still a man, dude. just thought I'd let you know.

No. 51131

>>51127
>>51128
>>51129

Yes. Because it's impossible for me to be comfortable with the sex I was born as and also respect another person's decision to present their own selves how they feel comfortable. Asking someone to refer to you with a different shit fart sound out of your disgusting animal mouth isn't the same as them telling you to put a hot knife in your guts or touch a six year old's pisshole or something. Calm down.

inb4 muh free speech

No. 51132

>>51131
(Serious question) What precisly makes you uncomfortable being a man ? What does it mean for you ? I really don't get it.

No. 51133

>>51132

can't tell if troll or just lack basic reading comprehension

No. 51134

Oops >>51132 was for >>51124
Sorry anon.

No. 51135

File: 1484288226214.png (137.33 KB, 1124x960, What kind of reaction to a ufo…)

>>51134
…sure, guy.

anyhow, let's all congratulate ourselves for derailing the thread so good! yay~

No. 51136

I found out my ex was a pedo. Yes, literal one. I'd never tell my friends that because that would embarrass me so fucking much because i always tell everyone he's a great person and GREAT WITH KIDS. He didn't seem creepy and was an active, functioning male. We broke up a while ago but still talked as friends and then he confided in me to share the secret that he's attracted to girls (9-10 year olds). He said he'd never do anything bad, rape or touch one, and that he never did. Well, I'm sure he never did but I don't know if he would or not if could.

>>51131
Asking people to refer to you as female and injecting hormones and getting surgeries still doesn't make you a woman. But fine. Also, no need to ask anyone to calm down, tf. Sure, as always you think everyone is out to get you, dude. Stop getting triggered so easily, fuck.

No. 51137

>>51124
lol I saw this post first without seeing what it was replying too and 100% agreed with it. I fucking hate people who dye their hair

No. 51138

You may have a rectocele. You can get that repaired surgically and may want to. The wall of muscle between your vagina and rectum can thin until it breaks. You don't want that. However be aware the repair does hurt quite a lot. But I'm glad I got mine it's embarassing to have to push your own shit out.

No. 51139

>>51013
GAWD SORRY I lurk here but total oldlady newfag here. Was replying to you about your potential rectocele. FML apologies.

No. 51140

>Be me at 13 years old
>feel worthless, have no reason for living
>begin a "relationship" with a 30 year old man
>30 year old man had raped women, killed people, etc., and I still stayed with him despite knowing this
>He knew I was 13
>Whored me out to his 30-40 year old friends
>Did really disgusting things because I thought it was all I was good for
>Be emotionally abused the entire time
>Become isolated with no friends anymore because he wouldn't let me talk to them
And then it begins.
>A year goes by
>Decide to disobey him and talk to random people on the internet, figuring I'd never see them again
>Met random 25 year old, told him about what was going on because who cares
>Ended up not being a weirdo who wanted to fuck my now 14 year old virgin pussy but just wanted to help
>Helped me get out of that situation and calmed me down when 30 year old guy threatened to kill me or otherwise hurt me
>After I left 30 year old guy, I never heard from that 25 year old ever again
>Began therapy from what I went through with 30 year old guy

I wonder what he's doing now, its been a really, really long time. He sure helped me get through a lot. I'll never forget him, whoever he was.

No. 51141

>>50980
anon no

i've never experienced an orgasm with another human, just my left hand

No. 51142

>>51140
Way to go anon, im happy it had a relatively good ending. Hope therapy has/is helping you!
/sage for just being happy for a farmer lmao

No. 51143

NSFW—

I can only get off to forced impregnation / bimbofication porn. The specific scenario I envision most is a gross man kidnapping me and raping me until I get pregnant. His semen gradually effects change on my body and mind – I get extremely fat, massive boobs and ass, my vagina forms itself into the shape that is the most pleasing for his penis. I am completely trapped in my mind during this process; at first I'm horrified and immobile, but gradually I start losing my consciousness and it starts merging in with this vague form that is only capable of enough thought to please the man. I become a literal living sex toy.

Basically, I can only get off to the most horrific thing that I can envision.

I need to catalogue every instance that makes this a conglomerate of my biggest fears.

I'm terrified of things altering my mind. Radios or televisions being on anywhere near me where I might be able to subconsciously hear them; chemicals in food and water or just chemicals embedded in things you touch. It's like I can feel the physical change. I hate femininity, I hate what the female form represents, I hate the role of women in sex, submission, weakness, every stereotype about women you can think of. I am terrified of being fat; I'm bulimic/anorexic trash and scared that gaining weight means being more of a woman.

I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I never masturbated or even had sex until I was 18. Then one day I got the idea to do it and my extremely vivid imagination and insatiable drive to self-sabotage conjured up an absolute nightmare vision and keep at it until nothing else arouses me. Why do I do this? It's like my brain is at war with itself to try to make me unable to live in the world and hate every aspect of myself.

No. 51144

>>51143
Sounds like quite a patrician fetish. No need to be upset about it.

No. 51145

>>51144
Thank you, /r9k/.

No. 51147

File: 1484329386739.png (63.77 KB, 523x318, gpoy.png)

>>51048
I'm kinda the same way, but more pathetic.

I had a crush on someone four years ago but I stopped seeing him a little over three years ago. As in literally being able to see him ie. not dating. I haven't been able to get over my infatuation and despite not being around him regularly, my feelings have become stronger.

It's like I've used what little of his personality I know and completely fabricated a person out of it to crush on, and given it his appearance. The bad thing is that I only realised it recently. I use 'him' as a way to comfort myself when I'm upset and it feels like I can't get out of how emotionally invested I've become. I'm so in love with 'him' it's fucking tragic.

How the hell are you meant to kick yourself out of these kinds of things? Fandoms and fictional husbandos are one thing, but this fixation I have seems like another thing altogether - mostly because this person actually exists and, if I really wanted to, could contact him.

No. 51148

>>51147
maybe you should contact him, then you can see how different he is to your idea of him. it will help undermine how real it feels to you. you will probably mourn the loss of this fake guy, but you should use normal techniques people use to get over breakups.
entirely vivid inner relationships aren't that unusual really. i remember Caitlin Moran describing her 'relationship' with a well known tv personality that lasted the length of a train ride. here's another of my favorite quotes from that book:
http://fuckyeahcaitlinmoran.tumblr.com/post/23503262003/but-if-you-had-some-manner-of-psychic-helmet-that

No. 51149

File: 1484332316015.jpg (195.6 KB, 900x900, 1482751803001.jpg)

>>51145
I am not a /r9k/. I don't frequent 4chan at all.
Stop being mean. I was nice to you.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 51150

>>51104
If it makes you feel better, I was 21 when I started masturbating.

No. 51151

>>51118
That's fucking terrible I'm sorry anon. I would take that one to my grave. Pedos should all have to register as a sex offender imo. Idk how that would work or anything but in a perfect world and shit

No. 51152

Everyone thinks I'm really innocent, asexual,and triggered by sextalk. Yeah I am really awkward around sextalk and I am inexperienced, but there's this guy I'm talking to and it's ridiculous how thirsty I am. At least he feels the same way about me.

No. 51153

>>51152
Hope you get that good dick anon,
More power to ya

No. 51154

>>51151
I think you highlighted the wrong post and was actually talking to me, the anon with the pedo ex bf. Thank you, anon.

No. 51155

>>50979

i went through the same thing! i was like six years old though

did you ever tell your parents about it? i didn't but i put it in my diary when i was a kid and i once saw my mom read said diary looking sad… i was hopefull that she would say something about it, but she never did.

No. 51156

>>51155

this was meant to be for >>51095

:(

No. 51157

for the past 5 years or so I've always wanted to dye my hair like an emerald green but I don't want people to think I'm an idiot. I'm also heavy so I don't want to be grouped with tumblrinas. Pretty light truth compared to the other shit I've posted in here.

No. 51158

>>51157
Fuck everyone, do what you want. So what if it looks stupid? No one will even remember you 100 years after you die.

No. 51159

>>51157
don't do it. Just don't. Have inhibition

No. 51160

>>51157
>I'm also heavy so I don't want to be grouped with tumblrinas.

You will be grouped with tumblrinas. Only dye if you are 100% okay with this.

No. 51161

>>51148
It's the best way to deal with it, I know, but I'm a coward. It's been more than two years though. It'd be better to just sit here and burn with passion.
I probably should have also mentioned that he's 30 years older than me.

No. 51162

File: 1484411523436.png (24.25 KB, 217x275, 1469645620861.png)

>>51155
Hello Anon! I didn't, because even though I was aware of what my brother did was wrong, I didn't want to ruin his life, probably my parents would never forgive him and their relationship would be fucked up forever
I did talk with the psychologist though, it was very hard… She promised to remain quiet and that's how it came to be
I'm curious, do you also cry out of nowhere and get REALLY anxious or nervous when reminiscing it?

No. 51163

>>51137
That's weird lol why do you hate people who dye their hair so much? Is it because it looks bad or??

No. 51164

>>51157
Do it while you are still young. Most people aren't as judgemental as a lot of anons here. If you want, you can also start by getting just the tips of your hair dyed! Good luck anon!

No. 51165

>>51160
I know, haha. That's I won't unless I get off my ass and work out this year.

No. 51166

>>51142
I guess it did! Therapy is going pretty okay I suppose, though my relationships with others will probably never be the same.

No. 51167

>>51157

i was in that spot two years ago. i did it any way. dyed my hair tons of dumb shit, had some fun, now i have black hair and people who knew me back then say "why don't you dye your hair those cool colors anymore???? ohh boy i wish i had the guts to do that".

- if you get cutesy colors like pink/blue/purple girls will compliment you (men won't cuz they hate that shit)
- if you get green, odd blue shades, or do a few strands of hair (not ombre, thats norm-core) these bolder, more emo kid shades won't get you that many compliments anywhere unless you're on the internet

when i had green hair i had people mock me to my face about it. like walking with my mom around town, and frat dudes just making jokes about me in front of her. and the stares, men and old ladies haaaaaaaaate those shades. if you're half cute or have self esteem, do it. if you don't… could make you sad :(

if you decide to do it, i used Enchanted Forrest by MP, and its the perfect emerald color (for some reason in google images it shows girls with blue dye but that's not what it looks at all, do some googling).

i made it sound super scary but its fun. and the reason why i did it was because i know that i won't be able to do it when i'm older. my sister/mom always complain about how they never dyed their hair fantasy colors cuz it was frowned upon back then. so really, think about it, if you're not going to do it when you're young? when are you going to do it? if its clearly something you want to do sooner or later, fuck it, do it before you're in a shitty job where you can't have a half blue half purple hair.

so do it if you actually want to, and if you don't give a shit what people think about it.

No. 51168

The fact that I masturbate at all is a secret

except on the Internet where everyone knows and I broadcast my fetishes at the drop of a hat

No. 51169

>>51162
>do you also cry out of nowhere and get REALLY anxious or nervous when reminiscing it?
I'm not the anon you talked to so sorry to intrude but this is something that happens to many abuse victims. There's lots of similar accounts in the now-buried sexual abuse thread in the catalog if you are curious about how other people have responded to similar situations. But reading other people's accounts can be both unhealthily triggering and also cathartically vindicating, so please be careful and kind to yourself.
I'm sorry that you're going through it but you're not alone, it's a very normal symptom but it is something that can eventually heal with time but really there is no 'normal' way to respond to abuse.

No. 51170

Don't have enough courage to kill myself.

No. 51171

>>51170
I do but I've failed twice. I don't wanna end up all crippled and still alive. Fuck me for not being in the States and having super easy access to a gun

No. 51172

I don't have irl friends anymore because I can't cope with people judging me in any way. Internet friends are fine because I can easily hide many things about me.

No. 51173

I only wear pads during my period and skip going to the gym when I have it because I'm paranoid of people being able to smell the crotch sweat/blood

No. 51174

>>51173

I have bad PTSD/TBI b/c war & the smell of human blood gives me flashbacks sometimes. A few months ago I was whiteknuckling in a unisex bathroom b/c the person in there just prior had flushed a tampon. I almost pissed myself.

It's embarrassing and I feel kind of ashamed b/c it's a normal biological function people need to be able to deal with. The person who flushed said tampon would probably be mortified or feel terrible but honestly I come out of it feeling terrible for shifting my problems onto everyone else.

tl;dr yeah, people can smell the blood (but also if they're bothered by it, it's sorta their problem).

No. 51175

>>51174
It's okay to react the way you did fam. Trauma isn't something anybody can just get over and legitimate triggers(not the kind on tumblr) are awful.

>>51173
You can always smell when someone hasn't changed a pad frequently enough. A tampon that's just been removed will have that smell as well. It's just a matter of frequently changing them and being generally clean about it. You should be fine if you're wearing a heavy flow pad and change it after your workout. You can always change it during the workout if you feel that you're getting smelly.

I've never come across someone with period smell that wasn't also disgusting about their other personal hygiene needs.

No. 51176

I'm in an LDR and have developed a crush on one of my IRL guy friends. I would never act on it and planned on just letting it subside by distancing myself from the guy but he just got a new girlfriend and I feel so down after hearing about it. I would never admit this to him, my friends or anybody so this thread will have to do.

No. 51177

I can't control myself around food and I eat so fast it makes me feel like I'm going to puke.

No. 51178

I have trouble getting completely over a guy whom I've been head over heels since high school nine years ago. It was unrequited love on my part from the start and been trying to hide my feelings but it was obvious to him.

I follow him on social media and look at his snapchat pics whenever he posts as well as everything else of him (we're friends/followers on Facebook, Instagram but not Twitter; as I don't have one).

You could say I'm stalking him, which is true and have been doing so online for the past 7 years, before that it was during school hours.

I thought I was over him but apparently that's not the case, I'm still in love with him in some way. Though I can't say I'm deluded since I know we're never gonna happen, I want to (completely) move on.

But I don't want to erase him from my social media.

No. 51179

>>51177
Google binge eating disorder or compulsive over eating disorder. See a therapist if you can. Those disorders kill people too.

No. 51180

>>51157
lose weight and dye hair as a reward?

No. 51181

>>51178
Stop using social media. You will be happier.

No. 51182

>>51021
This is me, it seems like I'm an empty shell without personalty and I end up just agreeing with people so I don't confront their opinions with mine. Not that I don't want to actually speak what I think but I have this shitty habit where I end up crying when I have to argue with people. It's not really something I'm able to control, and I don't cry because I'm afraid or something, it's just my rage and while some people scream, I cry.

No. 51183

>>51178
You need to delete him and get more hobbies. Also try online dating or something ? I feel for you, I did this for like a year to my ex. I think in the end I just got bored of it lol.

No. 51184

>>51180
I will, 21 is approaching and I want to be a healthy weight for at least the last part of my youth.

No. 51185

File: 1484712228508.jpg (63.62 KB, 320x320, IMG_1382.JPG)

Lost track of time while jerking off and now my whole arm is sore and my hand is cramped.
More funny than anything but i aint admitting that shit to friends, fuck to the no
I Shouldnt be whacking it before going to sleep i have insomnia after all
(Pic unrelated)

No. 51186

>>51183

That's the thing, I no longer think about him much but I often look at his posts whenever they come up, I've been obsessed with the man for 9 years.

Though… I guess he's starting to come off as a stranger to me despite knowing him for so long. That could be a good thing?

No. 51187

I'm a fairly attractive person and I get off on leading on ugly/unattractive guys. I love flirting with them, it feels so powerful, I could probably get them to do whatever. But the weird thing is I like actually am sexually aroused by it– feeling totally worshipped while being fucked because i'm so many leagues above them…

idk

No. 51188

>>51187
Become a domme and get that money!

No. 51189

File: 1484752079181.gif (341.42 KB, 275x154, 1466352959611.gif)

>I watch youtuble vlogs of people better off than me personally/financially to live vicariously through them and cover how shit my family/life actually is.
>I constantly check on people that used to bully me profiles to either feel better/worse about myself.
>I imagine myself in situations that will never happen or constantly make stories of characters in my head with my "ideal" scenarios and live through them till the end.
>I stalk twitters of "normal" people with lots of friends, which i don't know personally but that are living the life i want somewhere i want to live just to imagine that my life would be like them if i stopped being a piece of shit.
>I have had no friends or aquitances, not real or internet, since almost 6 years ago and i don't talk with anyone in most of my days which has left me bordeline autistic when confronted with actual conversation.
>19 and never been kissed, held hands…etc, eventhough i know i am pretty since people do approach me, but last point makes it difficult to not scare em away.
>I have a really intense fear of aging, mostly because i think i've wasted all my youth being a shut-in.
>I though i'd be dead by 17, so i basically i'm just "passing along" in my life and picking up the pieces since i had nothing planned and dropped studies and the last acquitances i held cause of it.

No. 51190

>>51189
oh my god did I write this?? Except I do have friends but only two and I only talk to them via Skype messaging, and rather than vlogs I watch youtube groups/channels that I like and vicariously imagine that I have their jobs/am part of their friend group.

No. 51191

>>51189
Holy shit this is literally me! I wish I had something profound to add but I'm unable to have actual conversations with people. I'm kinda happy to hear I'm not as alone as I thought I was…

No. 51192

>>51189
>I imagine myself in situations that will never happen or constantly make stories of characters in my head with my "ideal" scenarios and live through them till the end.

I do the same, anon! I have like five different 'lives' I've made up for myself in my head, and they all involve romance because I'm lonely and never had a relationship.

I also do this thing where I practice/plan exact convos with my classmates and try to guess what they could say so I will always have the perfect answer, and then I set them up in real life. It makes me feel a bit manipulative but eh, it never really works anyway. Like yesterday I spent so long being invested in my planned chit-chat with my crush for today and he never even came into class. ugh.

I feel like the more invested I become the more it doesn't work out; like on the days where I do the convo planning and get super dolled up, he's not in class. But on the days I think he won't come in, he always ends up being. I think the universe hates me

No. 51193

>>51189
>I have a really intense fear of aging, mostly because i think i've wasted all my youth being a shut-in.
That's utterly retarded. You're not doing anything with you youth right now, and even as a 50yo you could be an autistic neet, why care? I suppose the older you get the more shameful it is but nothing you're doing depends on you being young.

No. 51194

>>51193
I'm well aware that it's absolutely stupid since nothing stops me from doing anything even when i'm old as shit or any age for that matter, but i still have that fear.
Mostly because most people my age have had certain experiencies that if not done by a certain age become "weird" to do.
I guess it's most of a thing in my country "culture" that has been ingrained within my mind that once a woman gets past her 20's she should be settled and with a clear direction in life and not doing certain things and having had certain things already done, that she's worthless past her teen/early 20s years… etc
It has nothing to do with being a NEET, as i am not one, but mostly about certain activities that make me "weird" for not having done them yet.
While typing it out it sounds even more fucking idiotic, but well, it's a fear i hope to overcome soon kek.

No. 51195

>>51189
You're 19, you still have youth to not waste, if you try. I'm 24, mentally/emotionally 19 tbh, and I've wasted even longer time being a shut-in. I've only recently been trying to better myself. It is so difficult sometimes, but I mean I am trying.

No. 51196

I also have an intense fear of aging because I'm already ugly with bad features (wide nose, a face between round and square that's kind of jowly already despite being a normal weight, etc) and it's just going to get worse. I was never pretty so I won't have much to mourn but I'm going to be so hideous when I'm old and it's already unbearable. I think I'll just kill myself before it's too late. Like late 30's or something.

>inb4 plastic surgery


Apparently the issue with my nose I want to fix isn't easily remedied and facelifts always look like shit. I'm just cursed with the ugly.

No. 51197

i'm really into small, uncircumcised dicks…the more embarrassing part is that i'm mainly into them because normal/big dicks hurt me so much. my female friends and even my doctors think it's all in my head. my past partners have found it really annoying, idk what to do other than play it up like i'm an uwu delicate virginal flower

No. 51198

>>51197
Same, anon. My ex was average but really hurt me, even when we were careful to warm up, use lots of lube, etc. I know it's not vaginismus but don't really know why it still hurts.

No. 51199

>>51189
holy shit im you down to a t except i couldnt give a fuck about other peoples' vlogs and social media. the rest really hits home though

No. 51200

>>51196
I kind of have the same anon but I'm starting to get over it a bit.
If you think about it, most people don't really rate older people on their attractiveness so much. Very attractive women in their 40s and 50s stand out a lot because it's rare, the rest of them all start to look very similar which is good for us uglies. Instead what people notice are levels of fitness, presentation and their attitude.

Consuming media that actually involves adults rather than teenagers or ambiguously Botoxed 2-somethings has really helped too, I seek out any tv or films that is about middle aged or even old people. It gives me something to actually aspire to rather than just living in Logan's Run.
Society is scared of old people having sexuality so they prefer a smiling, healthy older lady in smart clothes than a tarted up pretty but old one lol, I've read a lot about how middle aged women feel like they become invisible after their looks fade, but with no longer having to live up to being pretty/sexy they gain freedom to be more assertive.

No. 51201

>>51200
Adding to the commentary, I know a lot of people ages 50-80 who went wild when they retired! They volunteer several days a week, go to art museums etc. Travel the world with their families and alone, one even learned to ride a motorcycle in her 60's. The last thing you think about when you meet these people is "damn they're old" because they have such wonderful openminded personalities. I think volunteering is the key to a long, happy life?

No. 51202

I spend all my free time drinking. I can't even think of anything else to do. Having a whole fucking week off work, emptying some bottles. I don't even really like it but I can't stand being around myself sober. It's gonna be fun trying to come up with something to tell my coworkers about this week that's not gonna make them think I spent all week in bed (even though I totally did)

No. 51203

>>51202
Tell them you spent the whole week masturbating to the brady bunch. They'll understand

No. 51204

>>51202
Anon I feel you. I'm reading this drunk btw. I'm so glad there's people like me. Would drink with you 10/10.

I hate when my coworker ask me why I'm so quiet when I'm really just hungover or not drunk enough to be loose to talk to people. Lol

No. 51205

I vomit in kitchenware that my flatmates reuse after I clean in te dishwasher
I drink my own cum and menstrual blood but can't stand my boyfriend's semen.
also I have 0 sex drive but I gotta pretend I got some because it's the only thing I'm good for. ugh.
I drink daily and I'm starting to get some alcohol-related psychosis but I can't tell anyone because I'd have to reveal my consumption habits and uh
I'm innately a racist and homophobe and my brain/rationality wish I wasn't but irrationaly/feelings-based I am and can't help it.
I pee in the shower.
I poop sitting like L.

>>51202
hey there buddy me too

>>50995
>I can't stand people who base their logic from their emotions, I find them weak
> I hate that I realize that in order to get the things I want in life, I have to socialize with people. I hate small talk, and feel fake pretending to give any fucks.
fuck this really resonates with me.

No. 51206

I am 27 and have almost nothing to show for it.

Also I still like dressing like a weeb in her teens.

No. 51207

>>51202
>>51204
>>51205

Damn anons, I'm kind of relieved to see so many alcoholics on the board. I mean it's not a good lifestyle but it's the one I've got. I hate not having anyone else to drink with. I'm always hiding booze around the house and pre-gaming before my bf comes home because he always lectures me when I drink the usual amount around him. Nothing makes me more excited than when he has to work all weekend so I can drink by myself at home. Shit I feel pretty pathetic really.

No. 51209

>>51208
You are both tho.
Second, ew anon.

No. 51210

>>51207
>>51205
>>51204
>>51202
Read some fucking books or watch tv jfc
Those of you that are drinking your lives away because of boredom are despicable, to have a place to live and spare time or cash is such a luxury in this world. At the very least, if you don't know what to do with yourself and can't enjoy any hobbies then volunteer or something.
As for those of you who are drinking as a coping mechanism, I really do get it, but you all know it doesn't work longtime. Figure out why you drink and work on that. I know that me posting this isn't going to actually help but please get some help, open up to friends or family, go to AA, fix that shit.
Being drunk is fun, but it's not THAT fun alone and you all know that eventually it stops being fun and just starts killing you.

No. 51211

>>51210
Lol. I went to college, got my degree, have a career and drink in my spare time. Ever heard of functioning alcoholics? Yeah I hate what I majored in and subsequently I hate my job but at least I'm doing something

No. 51212

I am a male who lurks this board and rarely comments. Mainly, I like the current milk from psycho Onision and use it as a reference how not to treat women.

No. 51213

>>51212
How did you find this place?

No. 51214

>>51212
>and use it as a reference how not to treat women
if you actually need that, please, feel free to head to the gas chambers

No. 51215

>>51212
Why won't the robots ever fuck off?
Maybe the reason women don't like you is because you won't leave them alone? Incels is always open, leave.

No. 51216

I have reoccurring yeast infections and I only own 23 articles of clothing (washed and rotated frequently of course).
I also grew up in a caravan and it shows. I'm not only socially awkward but I sometimes even act like a true blue street urchin, which has grossed people (mostly girls) out in the past. I also threaten people with my cousins when they get too aggressive or pushy with me.
I want to be a financial adviser and I want to live like Carrie Bradshaw but I know I'll never amount to anything because I come from the dregs of society.
I also fart super loudly.

No. 51217

>>51216
I used to get chronic yeast infections too until i tried douching with dilute hydrogen peroxide. get 6% peroxide solution, put a teaspoon in a cup of clean water, squirt it up you morning and night. avoiding sugar helps too.
(it's not crazy, the bacteria that live in your vagina produce peroxide as a by-product that kills excess yeast, and your vagina is most happy when it's acidic anyway)

No. 51218

>>51212
>a reference on how not to treat women
you won't get any cookies from us here. your input is worthless.

No. 51219

>>51217
i get them too, i squirt apple cider vinegar in there

No. 51220

I am a man pretending to be a woman on lolcow, I've made around 3000 posts on this website pretending to be multiple women, sometimes I lose track of ¨my girls¨ and reply to myself, I'm at least 20 different people in the friend finder threads and no one has noticed anything, I have infiltrated the deepest ranks of this website's administration. I do it as a literary exercise, I like creating all kinds of girls, you have probably all talked to me.

No. 51221

>>51217
>>51219
You are both retarded. Do you realize how much you're fucking up your vagina's pH with that extra acid in there? Put up the cash and get some fucking OTC yeast infection meds.

No. 51222

>>51153
Update: we're in a relationship now!

No. 51223

The onion drama going on is all full of awful people, but I'm envious of Billie and Allya's relationship. I don't mean I want to be friends with them specifically, I just want a close female friend that had my back through everything. Other shit they do may be shitty and petty, but they seem to be the only two people than genuinely care about each other and want good things for the other. I also used to be envious to Jane and Daria's friendship.

I get reaaal lonely every once in a while, but most of the time I'm happier alone, and I can't make friends anyhow.

No. 51224

>>51189
jesus are you me anon? im going to start school soon after so long and if i dont make any friends im probably going to consider killing myself, i cry myself to sleep with how sad i am. it hurts so much. i dont even think i remember what being friends even means anymore it just feels foreign to me now

No. 51225

>>51223
i feel the same way a lot of the time when i see their friendship. they seem to really care about each other and spend a ton of time together. i miss having a super close female friend like that.

No. 51226

Not all of these are embarrassing to me, but…

>I was diagnosed with BPD 5 years ago and have recovered to the point of being functional at least 95% of the time without extensive therapy or medication. I don't tell people this because I figure they won't believe me.


>I changed my political party affiliation to Republican last summer and my extremely left-leaning parents, friends and other family members still have no idea.


>I can squirt a ton during masturbation, but never sex.


>I've stared fantasizing recently about being fucked by multiple guys and I sometimes worry my boyfriend is more monogamous than I am.


>I am very traditionally feminine and tend to believe most women aren't any happier choosing careers over children and/or marriage, but I worry about whether or not it's ethical to have children myself based on mine and my parent's history of mental illness.


>I have a lot of moles that never seem to change in shape, color or size, but I am always checking them and am constantly terrified that I'm going to develop melanoma and die.


>I can't stand most celebrities and hate the entire Hollywood culture.


>I think it's mostly funny how offended people are by Trump, even if there are plenty of legitimate reasons to criticize him.

No. 51227

>>51226
>thinks all women are happy leaving their careers to clean shit and be a maid
>thinks her BPD is cleared

Sure, Jan

No. 51228

>>51227
>has no experience being a mother and has likely never even had a serious career.
>thinks her opinion matters.

Sure, Anon.

No. 51229

>>51228
So what you are saying is that you are a mother and you quit your career and think everyone want the same?

Okay.

No. 51230

>>51228
P.S.: Your BPD is leaking if you can't take someone disagreeing with you in Post embarassing truths thread.

No. 51231

>>51230
Keksimus

No. 51232

File: 1485145416993.jpg (44.92 KB, 497x1024, dick.jpg)

i wanna fuck the man in image related

No. 51233

>>51226
Getting some strong robot vibes from this post. I can't prove it, but it sounds like something a man would post.

No. 51234

>>51233
I think he's lying, there is no BPD, he only added that because it's the "woman illness".

No. 51235

>>51226

>Republican

>wants nonmonogomy
>career

Lemme guess little liberal, you wanna go home. Being Republican 4 keks is flairing you're BPD

No. 51236

I'm so godamn fat it's disgusting. I get sweat and lint in my rolls. This causes them to become sore and sensitive, pretty much a yeast infection on the skin.

I'm finally losing weight but jesus I have no idea why it took so long to finally do something about it. I'm afraid to get tests done because I'm afraid doctors will confirm that my obesity has caused a life long permanent problem like type 2 or pcos.

My friends don't think it's that bad because I constantly clean myself and wear loose clothing and am some what tall and get it all in the ass legs and arms … but fuck it is so much worse than they think.

No. 51237

>>51236
Don't be afraid, anon. It's better to get a diagnosis now. Knowing if you have those conditions can help you through your weight loss process. I am losing weight too and in the last week of Dec I got a confirmation that I do not have pcos. That gave my confidence a boost that i can indeed lose the excess weight.

No. 51238

>>51236
you can almost get rid* of type 2 by stop eating carbs and sugar. Exercising (even if just walking/swiming)also helps. But would you rather lose a foot that get a diagnosis?

*healthy weight is required.

No. 51239

>>51143
the mind can do weird thing. Being afraid and getting turned on are both feeling of endorphins

No. 51240

>>51236
At least you're finally doing something.
Plus pcos and beetus are treated by weight loss. I've not had a flare up of pcos for three years nearly all because I went from a bmi of 24 to 19. Going from a bigger bmi to something below 25 will do wonders.

Go see the doctor though. If you have done the damage you fear, you still know you're treating it the best way you possibly can. Plus it's a good motivator to not fall off the wagon and start eating like a fatty again, since you'll know that if you have pcos or type2 diabetes poor diet and weight gain will make you symptomatic.

No. 51241

File: 1485222347420.jpg (7.48 KB, 200x188, images.jpg)

I created the trans thread as a joke and now it's spiraled out of control

No. 51242

>>51241
You should be proud of your successful bait t b h

No. 51243

>>51241
I don't think anyone was particularly offended by your post, it's more like we were already dying for another opportunity and excuse to bitch about trannies after the first couple threads went down and you provided just that.

No. 51244

>>51236
this post made me panic because this is me and i'm not being proactive enough due to depression, laziness and disregard for my self.

i looked up the treatment of pcos, which i have been in denial about for years, and it's a forever thing and that breaks my heart.

i want to see whats up with me, but i know it's not good and everything makes me panic so i just delude myself into thinking i'm not so bad, but i have major panic attacks and days/weeks of paranoia over things i deem as end-of-life scenarios.

my old habits and comforts come back to haunt me when i try to fix my shit and i dont knw how to stop myself from reverting into a pile of fat lazy apathetic shit.

sorry to latch onto you post op, i hope it works out for you. be stronger than me and move forward.

No. 51245

>>51242
>>51243
Haha well I feel kinda bad cuz I don't even hate trannies or anything like that and some people are just being ruthless

No. 51246

>>51241
Thank you very much, anon. That thread helped me to understand better why trannies disgust me so much and why people's hatred seem pretty much justified by the way trannies themselves behave.
I agree with >>51243

No. 51247

i love trans people of all shapes and sizes and i hope they find happiness and health!

No. 51248

File: 1485232151878.jpg (50.04 KB, 769x464, IMG_1676.JPG)

I'm insanely jealous of popular bloggers. Even ones like xiaxue. I don't dislike them I'm just butt hurt over my boring ass life.

>want to travel and make all kinds of new friends but supporting mom on Arizona small town wages

No. 51249

>>51247
This isn't the mental illness confession thread faggot.

No. 51250

>>51249
sorry you're so bitter as to hate people that have nothing to do with you.
hope you deal with that!

No. 51251

>>51250
Grow up faggot. Your mum telling you that you're a woman doesn't make it so.

No. 51252

>>51251
you grasping at straws is fun! please continue to reach~

No. 51253

I want to play D&D again so badly. I played when I was a kid but haven't for years. Tried to pick it up again with my cousin and his friend online but they got busy with work. The D&D part isn't what embarrasses me though. I drink a lot…Ok fuck it. I'm an alcoholic and I know I will drink a lot if I play. I didn't give a shit as much around my cousin because he knows I'm a drinker but now that he can't really play anymore I'm worried about finding another group. I wish I could find a group of drinkers who want to play D&D together, then I wouldn't worry about making an ass out of myself.

No. 51254

>>51252
Can't you just fuck back off to your containment thread?

No. 51255

>>51254
i'm not even apart of that ilk, i just stated an opinion and you just had to sperg.
it really makes you think.

No. 51256

File: 1485244789475.jpg (281.21 KB, 960x960, tumblr_nwl7dsq9u11uegvy1o1_128…)

i'm embarrassed about everything in my life. i hate myself and the adult i've become is someone i would have been deeply ashamed of as a teenager.

>turning 27 soon, want to fucking vomit everywhere when i look at the number

>molested as a kid, but feel worse that the guy who molested me also molested my sister because i was 5 but she was only 3, still wonder if she remembers it, hope she doesn't
>raped by first long term boyfriend, first guy i ever loved
>everyone finds out, so humiliating i want to die, already traumatized by abusive relationship, end up sabotaging the majority of my friendships
>try to kill myself when my repressed rage drives someone i cherished away for good
>spend next few years numbly wasting massive amounts of money and doing whatever hedonistically feels good, while experiencing nothing emotionally
>have a mental breakdown, completely withdraw from everyone and everything, panic about every aspect of my life, become a loner
>see and talk to a lot of people but have no actual close friends, no one i can tell secrets to or go to when i need to cry
>can only orgasm watching or partaking in specific disgusting fetishes, can't get aroused without them involved somehow, blame my messed up childhood for doing this to me but can't stop
>dropped out of university/college 2 times because of ADD, depression, and me simply not wanting to try hard enough because i'm a self sabotaging piece of shit who hates myself and thinks i don't deserve any kind of success in life
>have a decent job and function surprisingly well as an independent adult, but i HATE the job and i'm basically a shut-in, after work i go straight home and lurk the internet, not even chatting with people, fuck i don't even leave 'likes' on facebook posts, i just don't interact with people at all and i don't know why
>know that i'm intelligent and gifted and could potentially make something of worth to the world, but too afraid to chase my dreams, so stay with job i hate, going through the same boring routine day after day
>only girl who i trusted unconditionally and felt was my best friend had to move away after college and now i barely talk to her because i'm a piece of shit and i don't know what's wrong with me. i never deserved her as a friend
>lifelong inattentive type ADD so severe i am incapable of focusing on my own thoughts on how i feel about things, let alone focus on relationships with others, work, or responsibilities
>gained a lot of weight over the past few years because of depression and binge eating. i can't stop. i'm not obese, just overweight, but i feel disgusting all the time, my entire body feels disgusting, and the worst part is i don't feel like i deserve to look or feel beautiful so i don't do anything to change my appearance
>hair is falling out from stress, browsing hair implant websites at work and trying not to cry
>last relationship was wonderful and made me feel alive for the first time in years, then they left me
>feel like i'll never have another chance at happiness and i won't ever find anyone to be with.
>i honestly think i'm doomed to a lonely life. i dream of one day having a husband and a child and a career and purpose in life i truly adore but i know i will have none of those things and it hurts
>extremely afraid of death to the point of nightly panic attacks
>afraid of leaving nothing behind when i die. no art, no message, no meaning. nothing to prove that i am anything other than a completely meaningless existence on this meaningless planet.
>so afraid of fucking up my life that i do nothing with my life, thus creating the future i am so afraid of. stuck in a spiral of my own self hatred.
>did start seeing a new therapist this week and i have a prescription to pick up tomorrow for my ADD for the first time in 6 years, but knowing me, i won't actually learn anything from these opportunities for self improvement and just give up before i'm even started.
>my whole world is grey and dull
>i never grow
>i never change
>just waiting around to die

No. 51257

>>51256
Don't give up anon. I can relate to you in a lot of ways. For one I, too, recently started my medication again for the first time in awhile. I'm not going to give up until I know I gave it an honest chance. I hope you give yourself a couple chances too. You sound like you're really hard on yourself. Why don't you try doing something nice, something just for you? Consider treating yourself, take a nice long bath, dedicate time to a subject you've been wanting to delve into… you derserve it.

No. 51258

>>51257
thanks anon. i truly appreciate the response. it's nice to know someone else is starting on meds for what feels like the very first time again. but my whole problem is i do nothing but keep to myself trying to find small forms of comfort- binge eating my favorite foods, napping, buying nice bath products to use, etc. anything to keep me inside and making the time go by throughout my day. i don't deserve to do nice things for myself because i don't do anything to earn them. they're just ways for me to irresponsibly avoid confronting my feelings. i know it but i can't stop. it's pretty hopeless. and i can't dedicate time to subjects i want to learn about because of ADD. even making this reply to you is hard on my mind because i can't concentrate very well. i feel like i get worse every day. but i'm going to do what you said and give myself an honest chance, i guess i deserve that much.

No. 51259

>>51256
I was raped my 2nd year of college and subsequently dropped out. I never went back until last year but at least i graduated. I too have a disgusting gangbang fetish. You can do it anon. College is always gonna be there for sure. I love you anon, don't give up!

No. 51260

>>51258
It's crazy how you sound like me. I have a hard time focusing too. I remember the days I could read a book front to back like it was no problem. Those days have been gone for years. I am the same. I got into a cycle of binging and I'm horrified by it. I was working out a couple times a week and maintaining my meals for a long time before that. Then, I had an episode and turned to food because yes, it totally is comforting. I do believe completely that any form of exercise is beneficial. I'm sure you are like me too though, been there done that… I'm going to step out of my discomfort and try to make something work. I found stretching was one thing that always made me feel not only good, but it allowed me to relax. Sometimes I'd just stretch on my bed for 10-15, focusing on my breathing. Another thing that has helped me a lot is keeping an actual diary. If you hate what you wrote, just rip up the pages. Re read what you wrote from time to time. One thing I do know is that you are worthy anon.

No. 51261

>>51259
thank you. i'm pretty emotionally dead tbh, but this made my eyes sting a little. this website is really a blessing in my life, as stupid as that sounds. it's this echo chamber of understanding and i just feel like a different person when i'm posting here interacting with you all. maybe because we're all anon and can say whatever we want here. i feel like i can be more raw.
i know it's never too late to go back to school. i made a meeting with a student adviser at a school last week but got discouraged and afraid at the last minute and didn't go. feels bad. i'm still not sure if i should reschedule.

>>51260
same on the being able to focus at one time in life but that being all but gone. when it comes to food, one thing my old psychologist told me always stuck out in my mind. she told me that i binge eat because i'm looking for the emotional comfort that's lacking in my life. eating stimulates that center of the brain for me. it hurt to hear that but i know it's the truth. i know i have to stop beating myself up and put myself out there and find a support network, but the self-loathing is so strong i always tell myself not to bother.
i signed up for some fitness classes, and it's non refundable so i'll have to force myself to go. i am trying, i just wish it didn't all feel so utterly pointless. like, why should i bother when i can just go home and curl up in a ball and sit alone in the dark.
i've begun a sketchbook, but i think a diary could probably benefit me too. i like the idea of re reading entries. maybe it'll give me some perspective on my situation. thanks for the kindness, i hope you and i can both conquer our body image issues.

No. 51262

I don t think any body type other than basically emaciated looks good on women. Like bmi 13-16 is it. Everyone else looks fat and sloppy to me. I hate curves on my own body and other women's bodies too and I'm pathologically afraid of touching someone who is obese. It's totally fucked up tbh.

No. 51263

>>51261
Definitely don't go back until you're ready. Halfway through my third year it really started to settle in how fucked up being raped made me. Like i failed all my classes, got kicked out and when I was readmitted they said I couldn't fail everything again or else I would be kicked out forever. (UC system) I totally wish we could be friends anon. You're gonna be fine after all of this. It just sucks for now because I totally get feeling super perverted and useless. I'm sorry if this reply is stupid but you're gonna make it anon. You got into college because you're smart and being able to overcome a sexual assault is an amazing accomplishment. Just think of all the money you'll make soon haha :]

No. 51264

What I really want is to be married and be a stay at home mom, but my boyfriend and I both don't have our shit together. I don't mind working before I have my first kid, but I have the feeling that working after kids will be an economic necessity. I don't want to wait too long because I don't want my kids to miss out on enjoying my mom as a grandmother.

No. 51265

>>51197
Uncircumcised > circumcised
that's nothing to be ashamed of

No. 51266

>>51212
>I am a male who lurks this board and rarely comments. Mainly, I like the current milk from psycho Onision and use it as a reference how not to treat women.
No sisters, I take it?

No. 51267

>>51226
I haven't registered as Republican because I live somewhere very liberal and I know that party affiliation is publicly accessible knowledge. I'm concerned my neighbors would be less friendly to me if they knew.

No. 51268

>>51236
If you're currently losing weight, doctors will treat you a lot better than if you were not doing anything. You should go get it checked out.

No. 51269

File: 1485276949493.jpg (158.99 KB, 678x556, vol6ch6dreams1.jpg)

I grew up in an awful family environment, we're also poor.
Given this, I'm dedicating all of my energy in money. I spend a lot of time thinking of how can I make money (primarily to get the nose job I've always wanted since I was 14), and when I do it I find myself to be very cold minded, like I'd go low for my goals. I have to admit I'm pretty obsessed with the thought.
I also dream of being an actress, I signed up at theatre classes but I want to wait until my nose job to go further, professional headshots and everything, because I don't want to "debut" with my current face. I also want to do this as soon as possible, while I'm still young (22) and because I don't want to spend my youth hating my face.
So basically I need money for the surgery and I need the surgery to fulfill my dream. I feel as delusional as Griffith lol

No. 51270

>>51265
>>Uncircumcised > circumcised
Same. I haven't had the chance to experience many but I prefer uncircumcised as well. As long as guys keep themselves clean, no need to chop off their foreskin.

No. 51271

>>51268
I'm not afraid of doctors being mean, I'm afraid of them being too nice honestly.

Last time I went to the doctor and asked if the implant was supose to cause this much acne, he said no and that it could be an insulin resitance problem brought on by pcos. "male hormones cause this type of acne in a lot of cases. Male hormones are cased when the body has too much female hormones and releases male hormones to compensate. You could be developing pcos."

My heart fucking dropped. I grabbed my chest and told him I knew my obesity was bad, but that it was a huge wake up call to know it would have a permanent effect on me. I think once he saw how devastated I was he tried to calm me and told me that my weight may have nothing to do with it. I kind of gave him a "I'm not dumb, I know this was my fault" look. He is such a nice doctor, he will make excuses for me. I'm sure he is right and is maybe making light of it to calm me.

I'm afraid I might be worse off than what the doctor is telling me. That's my main fear. Also, each visit costs 30 dollars. I spent 90 dollars in 2017 just trying to figure my tonsil situation out … so I'm gonna take a small break from doctors for a few months if I can help it.

>>51269
I have family and friends that have gotten nose jobs. No offense, but I think it is the biggest waste of money on this planet. All the people that I know who got nose jobs had a huge drop in their self esteem afterwards because it didn't immediately make them as pretty as they though it would. Noses are noses. If yours is functioning, I doubt it is as bad as you think it is. Nose jobs rarely ever look natural and cost a shit ton. But the problem here is that like everyone I knew, you've already planted this dream in your head of, "I will look 10 times better, I will put off on things until I get it done, my happiness depends on it." That is really unhealthy thinking that will just make you more disappointed afterwards. I think if anything you really need to work on your confidence and social skills. You will see a lot more progress with that than someone hammering and shaving bits off your nose. The only time I would recommend a nose job is if you have problems breathing and or it is legitimately disfigured. And even then, those people still carry on with their dreams and don't help back before the surgery.

No. 51272

>>51269

If you want to be rich then being an actress is the worst career choice

No. 51273

>>51272
>>51269
You'd make more money as a cam girl, cosplay blogger, or model.
I mean look at the moomoo chick. She's a big ole girl and she makes shit tons from shit cosplay. Those cosplayers then get access to princess roles at parties, models for leggings and otaku shit, followers on youtube (big money maker right now, ride it while ya can), and tons of social media shit.
As an actress you'll be lucky to get ad spots. Unless you know some famous people. Do you know famous people?

No. 51274

>>51273

Models,Camgirls and Cosplayers are all hard to become successful in even the Momo as I lurk her thread isnt doing as well as you think she is, shes pretty much a joke not something to be proud of

No. 51275

>>51271
Yes, I know my confidence is also kinda low, but the social skills are fine. I gotta say that yes, a nose job doesn't make you instantly gorgeous, but improves your looks a lot and if you've got a good ground already it will make you beautiful. I accept your opinion, but let's not demonize nose jobs: I've seen a lot of people seriously change for good, especially if it was their only real flaw. I tried to shoop myself a smaller nose (a realistical shoop, not a Valeria Lukyanova nose) and the difference was really nice already. It's about bringing better proportions in the face. Also, with all the therapy in the world, if someone is unhappy with their nose they will still be unhappy with it, maybe only less obsessed.
I've been in a rhinoplasty group for two years, have known a lot of patients and the only unsatisfied ones were those who went for the cheap surgery. The surgeon I chose is a well known and really good one, so the chances of me coming out with a botched rhinoplasty are really low.
Tl;dr: nosejobs can really make the difference depending on the case, one's realistical expectations and the choice of a good surgeon. But yes, you can't base your whole happiness on it because it's unhealthy.

>>51272
The acting career isn't directly related to the money thing, is just something I like and want to do (with sidejobs of course)

>>51273
Camgirl never.
>As an actress you'll be lucky to get ad spots. Unless you know some famous people.
Let's not be this tragic. Of course I'm not that delusional to think I'll be in Hollywood or something, but pessimism is not healthy and one can always try.

No. 51276

>>51273

Anon would be able to get roles if she's willing to suck enough dick/lay on her back.

Hell, even Kiki got a (minor) role in a (shitty horror) movie

No. 51277

File: 1485325552183.jpg (Spoiler Image, 16.06 KB, 275x186, 1478498234855.jpg)

I think Moomoo is very attractive.

Yes, she's a horrible person, her cosplays are shit and her face needs improvement. But even though she's fat and big, I don't think she's an ugly landwhale (yes, leave me alone with my personal preferences). I know anons have a ton of reasons to hate her and that sometimes when you dislike someone for their shit personality, they look uglier to you. also, she's making money on crappy, oversexualized costumes. I don't think people would criticize her looks so much if she wasn't such a horrible cow. She looks really fuckable to me.

Same with that other fatty in the cam whore thread, i can't remember her name now but she has/had red hair. I think she's really attractive.

And no, I'm not a robot nor a guy, and I'm not really ashamed of liking chubbs (chubbs, not deformed fat blobs), but i know I can't say what I think in the other threads, kek.

Deleted my first post because I forgot to spoiler my pic.

No. 51278

>>51277
I actually think quite a few cows look okay-good. They might not be super gorgeous girls that would make you turn after them but they really don't look as horrible as some people say.

Also, I think you mean Megan? Yea, I have to agree. She sure has a weird face (and shitty personality) and some expressions make her look like an alien, but in some pics she's really attractive.

No. 51279

File: 1485358287614.jpg (36.56 KB, 500x306, tumblr_inline_mras24fAlN1qz4rg…)

>>51276
Nice. Do you also think that whenever women get a promotion at work it's because they fucked their boss, by any chance? Do male actors suck dick too to get roles, or they're the only ones with talent out there?

No. 51280

>>50994
I don't like doing this, but I do too. It's fucking the inside of my nose up so bad because I constantly scratch myself.

my embarrassing admission is that I judge people who have relatively easy lives but get ridiculously angry over things that have few real-world consequences… even though I know that's unfair because people being annoyed about stuff doesn't devalue things being hard for others. I've been seriously mentally ill for most of my life and it means I have no friends, struggle to work a minimum-wage job and have a really mediocre life - then there's people out there who genuinely think that the ratio of minority people in TV programs is oppressing their livelihoods and get angry about it. I'd LOVE the opportunity to get angry about something that doesn't involve "why was I born with a brain that doesn't work properly" "why is sleeping impossible" "why do I flip out in suicidal rages and punch myself in the face"… you know, stuff that actually affects me every.single.day.

No. 51281

>>51141

also never had an orgasm from another human being. Gotten close, as my partner is very attentive to my needs, but just need that last bit from myself to finish.

/sage for blogpost

No. 51282

>>51174

Sorry to hear this anon. PTSD is no joke, and you have nothing to be ashamed of. Well done for like, keeping grip or whatever.

No. 51283

>be a NEET in high school with lots of fictional bfs, mainly from anime
>now i'm an adult who's relatively normal and social
>fool around with a few guys, nothing too serious
>still find myself going back to those anime guys

sucks

No. 51284

File: 1485405883785.jpg (54.65 KB, 387x227, IMG_9530.JPG)

I'm actually a raging exhibitionist and do lewd things in public

No. 51286

>>51284
Such as?

No. 51287

File: 1485407615877.png (16.84 KB, 481x439, 013059F9-5173-4B81-AFB7-D9676C…)

>>51285
I like to think I'm pretty smart about it. I haven't been caught yet and I've done this for a while.

>>51286
I never do anything with anyone else but I'll happily go somewhere I know I won't go again without panties and a Buttplug in and take a couple lewd selfies for gf and touch myself in the bathroom.

No. 51288

I secretly want to have a dick of my own.

nothing crazy big but the idea of it seems really hot, I don't know if its just a weird fantasy but the idea seems nice.

It makes me feel like I wanna grab someone and just go crazy, It might be a reverse of how I acted around them when younger.

also sometimes wear a toy underneath so i can see the bulge lol.

No. 51289

Not a single person wished me happy birthday, even though I said yesterday that today was my birthday. I guess its okay if I kill myself now, now that I know nobody would be hurt as nobody even remembers me :^)

No. 51290

>>51281
aww this makes me few less alone. my partner is fairly attentive, as in he tries - but maybe i just like having that bit of control over my own pleasure.

No. 51291

File: 1485442167537.gif (75.25 KB, 500x500, IMG_0701.GIF)

>>51289
happy birthday anon, people are stupid and forgetful, don't forgoe your own future pleasures to cause other people pain for forgetting about you. sometimes you make your own best friend. i really am sorry though. have a pusheen it's the least i can do

No. 51292

File: 1485443160182.jpg (14.04 KB, 400x268, large.jpg)

>>51289
Happy Birthday anon. It's pretty terrible no one remembered.

No. 51293

File: 1485446007645.png (7.16 KB, 248x203, images.png)

>>51289

happy birthday anon, I'm sorry the people in YRL suck! Don't kill yourself though - not for them, but for you. Fuck other people, live for yourself. xx

No. 51294

>>51290

for sure. as long as you're both happy with what goes on in bed, then it's fine. :)

No. 51295

>>51291
>>51292
>>51293

Thanks guys, you really made my day. I didn't think I would feel happy or smile today, but you cheered me up a lot!

No. 51296

sometimes I deliberately skip meals because I like the feeling of being hungry

No. 51297

>>51296
Me too. In my case, I'm usually bored, stressed, or both. I get stuck in my head. Feeling hungry brings my focus to the present and gives me drive to actually get things done.

No. 51298

>>51296
I also feel this. When I started fasting, I felt really shaky, but eventually I liked that

No. 51299

>>51296
Same. I don't even do it to be skinny or anything, like I want to lose weight but I want to be fit and skipping meals isn't the way to do it, it just helps me stay awake when I'm studying sometimes. Other times it just ruins my focus so I have to be careful about it.

No. 51300

File: 1485459922844.jpg (25.62 KB, 500x281, hinagiku-red-face.jpg)

I've been lacking any kind of intimacy with a human for more than a month now. My bf has long working hours and is overworked/losing interest in me. Basically I'm always lonely. I saw yesterday a huge plush bear, around 110cm tall and thought I might get one for myself so I xan cuddle with it to feel less lonely.

No. 51301

>>51269
I like this art! What manga is this?

No. 51302

>>51301
Berserk. I suggest you to read it, it's very good

No. 51303

I read this random astrology thing on my sign's compatibility with my boyfriend's and according to the website it's possible that he'll lose interest in me and drift away because he's a pisces.
I'm worried as fuck even though I know he's not the type to get bored of his partner.

I don't even believe in astrology.

No. 51304

>>51303
i think pisces tend to fantasize so maybe your partner will daydream about other people etc at the most but i also see pisces as a bit romantic, so just try and add some dreaminess - massage, chillout music, hiking to pretty places - to your relationship and your partner will be intrigued and pleased.

at the very least don't let the sun signs bother you, look at your partners whole chart to get a better feel of compatibility - particularly the 7th house and moon signs. even then, like you said, you don't believe in astrology and it's all potentials anyways :)

sage for astrology nerdout

No. 51305

>>51303

They said that about pisces? How weird… I usually hear that about my sign lol

No. 51307

>Used to be normie
>Attractive, job, g/f
>Had a breakdown panic attacks, tried to kill myself
>g/f resented me for "sabotaging my own life"
>broke up with g/f, cut all friends off, moved in to take care of mum dying of cancer
>Found girl online to talk to, i visit her and we start dating
>Mum dies
>I end up moving in with new g/f
>She is Tumblr Feminist
>All her friends are Tumblr Feminists and Trannies
>Her sisters are Tumblr Feminists and "gender fluid" "polyamorous"
>No friends
>Can't speak to anyone because everyone is always checking each others prviledge or raging about Trump
>These posts are the only interactions I have with people
>I wish I died

No. 51308

>>51304
How do I behave near a scorpio besides having a lot of sex?

No. 51309

>>51295
we're all sisters here. bitchy, catty sisters.

No. 51310

>>51307
do you need someone to talk to anon?

No. 51311

>>51310
I don't know, I just started seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist.

I just feel like I've had enough of being alive, I had a good run when it was going good. I used to only trust my g/f, but now I can't trust her after I caught her secretly cybering with a guy she met online and got on cam.

There's just nowhere left for me to go now. I've lost trust in people and I've lost hope in the future. And I don't have anything left in the tank to "turn my life around"

but thanks for reading my depressed ramblings.

No. 51312

>>51307
Anon, do you need someone to talk to?

>>50979
Me too,Anon

No. 51313

>>51311
Wait no-

Even though it's hard and really damaging, there's something out there that's meant for you and it's 100x better than anything in your life so far

And I guarantee you, the minute you find it
Your g/f will be green with jealousy because you, have found something more important and worth while

No. 51314

>>51313
>>179879
No you really don't want to heap my baggage on you, I'm already enough of a drain on the governmental system, I don't want to be an emotional drain on anyone else.

The only reason I'm still around is because my g/f and her family seem to find stability and happiness from me existing. So there's no real danger at the moment.

And I appreciate the sentiment, but I'm far too cynical now to believe theres "that special someone out there" who wants a mentally broken person whos had multiple mental breakdowns and suicide attempts. I have to take meds just to be able to function at the level of barely being able to take care of themselves. I have no allusions about what I am.

No. 51315

>>51314
Even so, if they (your g/f and her family) find happiness and stability with you, then so do many others. Many people are natural caretakers and to some, it doesn't matter what extent of care is needed for a person, to them, they are the most important one. However, it's not always that "special someone" it could be a passion, hobby, a love for something that then inspires you to get over your limits. Again, it may take time but who knows. The course of a day,week, month, year and etc, may play out in different ways and you may find that special something. Regardless of what you have or faced with, there is something out there that you deserve and deserves you. Plus, up until now, you've been alive and fought past through many things. It only proves just how much strength you have.

While I, on the other hand, am too engrossed with Mariah and her ugly nails.

No. 51316

>>51315
I find "deserve" an odd phrase, because it implys the world is fair. The are people with far bigger problems that will live and die without even a modicum of choice in it.

But when I meant the tank is empty, it is empty, I've got no emotional or mental energy past the stuff it takes me to get through one day at a time. I am seeking professional help, which is all I can do really.

But I shouldn't derail anymore. You guys have a good day. And don't stress about your horrible secrets too much. :P

No. 51317

>>51304
That made it even worse, anon, I'm an insecure fuck. If I ever found out he was daydreaming about someone else I'd probably kms. Just thinking about it makes me sad already.

>>51305
Which is why I don't usually believe in astrology…

No. 51318

I can't let anyone touch me because I'm not perfect.

Objectively when people talk about my attractiveness I can't even repeat it. I can't sit here and repeat the positive things people say about me because it immediately fills me with shame and embarrassment. I can't take compliments. I feel nothing. Nothing moves me. My self loathing is so strong, no validation can sate it. It doesn't matter how well I take care of myself or the compliments people throw at me. I'm fucking broken.

I can't tell anyone about it either. I'm wasting my life away, not letting people touch me, not letting anybody in.

I fell in love for the first time. They aren't special and I don't romanticize them. They're flawed, they're a decade older than me, etc. But I accept them as they are, and they are special to me. And the feeling is strong and mutual. A very powerful thing.

But I can't let them touch me. Because I am not perfect.

I'm so torn. I've shunned them even though I love them more than anything, all because of this stupid awful problem of mine that nothing has ever or can ever change. Any time I see them it hurts. I treat them like I hate them. I can barely speak to them. But it's because I'm not perfect. And because I'm not perfect I feel unworthy for even an average nobody.

I'm in limbo and it's disgusting. I want nothing more than to be free. But I'm trapped. I give up, dude. I can't even express feelings about myself without getting guilty.

No. 51319

>>51318
This is the cringiest thing I've read all week.

No. 51320

>>51319
That's why it's in this thread dumbass. Can you not read?
Hurr

No. 51321

>>51318
Try to take it in tiny steps, if they are the right person for you then you will probably feel assured by them bit by bit and you can even express your "shyness" to them and I am sure they will let you know that you don't have to be so worried, which can be helpful as you move forward. I can understand how you feel because when I first started dating I was beyond humiliated by myself and my body and was so embarrassed for him to touch me but he just assured me I was ok step by step. I hope maybe you can do that too with the help of someone who loves you and thinks you are perfect for them and that one day you feel better

No. 51322

>>51321
Thank you.
I don't really talk about myself even on the internet but this is ruining my personal relationships to such a strong degree lol soz.

I think it's a form of OCD, because I am so focused on appearing a certain way all the time to the point that I feel like nothing less is acceptable and it's like…deeply entrained, a routine.

I don't want to burden anyone else with it, and I've never minded it before and stuck to casual encounters, but it's gone in overdrive since I got stabbed in the ass with Cupid's arrow for the first time in my fucking life. I'm not the sort of person to get crushes either, too self involved.

But I can't imagine dumping this on to anyone else.


Thank you so much for being compassionate though. I don't ask for it often. Especially here of all places. But it's something.

No. 51323

>>51320
Your problems aren't particularly cringe, just the way you wrote like something you'd see in a bad over the top fanfiction about the writer's emo self-insert.

No. 54092

>>51323
I was making the sentences as blunt as possible, don't know what else to tell ya except that I'm just another highly functioning self aware human being so your nitpicking isn't necessary and doesn't bother me. And if that's the cringiest thing you've read all week you clearly haven't visited the Onision thread ;^)

No. 54521

>>51318
I feel you. I struggle with body image on a daily basis and somehow have let someone into my life for the last few years who is significantly older than me. I feel unworthy mentally, emotionally, physically and in every other way imaginable nearly every moment, but I remind myself how awfully lonely it was without him. Maybe you can relate.

No. 54587

>>51256
i really want to be friends with you

No. 54611

27 and working in a warehouse, after graduating college and getting a $20/hr job (contract though). General and generic depression/anxiety being treated for, but still have no joy/excitement about things that used to do that for me. I also had an injury which makes sex uncomfortable, and may also send me to the hospital (my one outlet up until now).

I really hate this life, tbqh I've hated it for a long time. I couldn't figure out why no matter how many times I change a situation or scenario, the only common factor is me. I know depression makes the negatives a lot worse, but the rare/infrequent/sometimes-painful sex thing is the worst. I loved sex, and now I'm so anxious about the whole thing and every little twing of pain has me whiteknuckling inside. I wish I could enjoy it again, I even talked to my gyno about this because she knows my situation and she said there's nothing they can do about it, it's just how life is sometimes.

Fuck. I wish I had been good at math or science in highschool, at least enough to not need to take the remedial-level class. At least I could be making money and miserable instead of minimum wage, heavy labor, and miserable with a drinking problem.

No. 54615

File: 1486168865199.jpg (13.68 KB, 400x300, MrsCrumplebottom.jpg)

I feel guilty because there's nothing ostensibly wrong with me but I always feel like an awkward, embarrassing gimp wherever I go.

Growing up I was never told something was 'for boys', never treated like a lesser being for having a vagina, never told I can't do something or have something if I work for it, never called ugly or fat or stupid or anything like that. I'm white, sufficiently pleasant-looking with no prominent 'exotic' features (aside from black hair as opposed to brown) But I've always felt like such a weirdo and I legit don't know why.

I wasn't shy at first when I was smaller and I'd happily go to my neighbour's to play almost every day. She was a sweet old widow who cursed like a sailor but loved me to bits. I remember it all stopped when my dad scolded me for not saying 'good afternoon' to her and calling her Nana Jane instead of Mrs. Doe. After that I started being awkward around her and avoided saying her name, thinking I'd offended her and it kind of carried over into my life and snowballed from there.

I've never been able to make friends and I can't seem to connect with people at all. Everyone but my SO is always kept at arm's length, even my own parents. I've always had such a strained relationship with my dad and his family and it's killing me. He's painfully awkward himself, always super reserved and stingy with both words and emotions, I can't really explain it. We bond all the time and he shows he genuinely cares for me a lot but it always feels like roleplaying Downton Abbey, everything seems to come from a distance. My aunt only ever makes snide remarks at me and criticises me for this or that and my late grandparents were very loving but whenever I tried to get closer to them dad would swoop in and start lecturing me about manners.

I've grown into this uptight wagon of a woman and I hate it, I'm sheltered and scared of offending everything and everyone, I don't know how to behave at parties and other 'bonding' events, I only know how to sit quietly at home and opine about serious topics with my gay ass parents. I feel well and truly alone in the world even though there are people out there who love me. I always feel like an imposter, I feel like I don't talk like everyone else, walk like everyone else, dress like everyone else etc. And when I go and try to befriend people they usually aren't interested because my life is too boring to them or something.

I just want to fit in and be a functional human being.

No. 54616

>>54615
this was relatable at first, but then you mentioned your SO. how do ppl like this date? i genuinely mean it, i feel so broken and isolated i can barely make friends. ive never had any romantic relationships at all.

No. 54617

>>54616
We met online back in my embarrassing weeaboo phase and have been inseparable since. Cringy as it was I feel like the weeaboodom actually endeared a lot of people to me since I was actively participating in the local weeb community and making casual friends. At some point I looked back, cringed into oblivion at my behaviour, tried to become less embarrassing/more 'normal' and just ended up looking moderately autistic instead, making people flee for their lives or something.

No. 54623

File: 1486178020882.jpg (133.07 KB, 720x517, IMG_20161030_195607.jpg)

I've had sex with women (not too experienced tho), but not men due to a combo of fucked up reasons (religious household, pedo ex stepfather,shame, self hatred, etc) that dragged me away from men sexually, and i really want to try dick but I'm currently a fatty and i feel too self conscious to have sex with anyone, especially males because I feel they only want 9s and 10s and im definitely not one of those right now even tho I know I have an extremely beautiful face…kek sorry for bragging. Im losing weight to fix this shit because i believe my body is absolutely disgusting at the moment, so I can feel better about myself finally enjoy fucking a guy. But I'm also the type who needs to feel really close and comfortable with someone to even fathom the thought of having sex with them. Plus, most guys are not trustworthy and tend to be huge liars imo and that makes it harder for me to get romantically close to a man even tho I am bisexual/biromantic. Ughhh. Whyyy am i like this? Fuck… I see cows and snowflakes who are overweight/obese snd get the D all the time – i wonder if all comes down to confidence. A type of confidence that i do not have, even though I am not a complete landwhale. I know some dudes really fuck anything and anyone, but I legitimately want to feel desired, you know? So fucking a guy who would fuck, idk, that huge woman in /pt/ or her sister just for the kicks would make me feel like shit. Not sure if anything i said makes much sense, i know it's a mess and im slightly drunk, but there it goes.
I eish I could go out and just find someone nice to have an one night stand but I simply can't. Fuck, this is a cycle of self hatred and sexual frustration.

This is the long ass and embarrassing truth about myself but also a rant, I guess. Sorry about that.

Pic unrelated. Made that a while ago.

No. 54624

From an outside perspective, my life seems absolutely perfect: I come from money; I am genuinely successful in everything I try; and I have maintained a perfect GPA for literally my entire academic life. Moreover, my boyfriend is just as "perfect." Boo hoo. Poor, rich white girl.

I was diagnosed with anorexia b/p a year ago, lulz.

I've read through most of these responses and I know my experience pales in comparison to the vast majority of the things you anons have to deal with, but I'm embarrassed to be this walking fucking stereotype. The one time I acknowledged my disorder in front of an individual other than my boyfriend (at the suggestion of my therapist), they rolled their eyes and suggested that I binge and purge and restrict for attention. Even my parents believe that I cannot possibly deal with an eating disorder because I have been so privileged throughout my life. My mother has now drawn the conclusion that I made up the diagnosis (even tho it's in my medical records??? lol???) because I'm liberal trash and not a Trump supporter. kek

Sorry for the privileged whine. I just wish that my health issues could be taken seriously by my family members. I'm genuinely fearful for my life and future and work so hard to overcome this.

inb4 spoopy scary skeleton

No. 54627

>>54624
Are you living with your parents and could they prevent you from getting help or going to the doctor or your therapist? If not then stop giving a fuck about them, they most likely won't help you. At least you have your bf to support you from what I understood, just stick to the people who are supportive and helpful. Reminds me of when my family would make fun of me and my treatments for some things, except I was really young back then so I couldn't really find even moral support at the time.

No. 54637

>>54627

I currently am in grad school, so I can do whatever. My problem is that I am completely and utterly financially tied to my parents; I'm on my dad's health insurance, and they pay for my living arrangements, gas, car, school, etc. I can't just ignore them (and forgive me if I sound ungrateful; I truly appreciate everything my parents do for me and recognize that they don't have to at all). My boyfriend is indeed great, but he's getting his J.D. and will be graduating at the same time as I am. Only then will we pack up and move far away from my parents.

Did your family have any grounds for making fun of you? I mean, that just sounds ridiculous that your loved ones would target someone so helpless. :/

No. 54640

>>54637
It should be fine if you graduate soon then, take care of yourself as much as can until then. If you're diagnosed, I can assume you go see doctors or a therapist from time to time? If your parents aren't informed then try to get them to understand what anorexia actually is, but it could be hard.

In my case, my parents were not only uniformed about some health problems but also thought it was fine to blame the people who have these problems and make fun of them. Now my mother is more informed and my father is just an asshole in general but he stopped bothering me as much since I'm an adult.
I had to get growth hormone injections everyday for years because my pituitary gland was all fucked up, and nearly stopped growing up before I was 10 years old, I was just really weak overall and tended to pass out and throw up very often but they just laughed at me for being weak and bothering them. They also think it was my fault I was bullied at school because me being way shorter and skinnier than other kids was my fault (which makes no sense), which was the reason why I was bullied. They also don't believe in mental illnesses until it's too late and someone kill themselves or others because of it. A doctor told them I may have anxiety or something and they brought me to a psychologist only once to complain about me to the guy, and then kept calling me a psychopath for months and actually thought I was one because of my treatment supposedly fucking up my brain. I wouldn't be surprised if they still think I have schizophrenia instead of just being nervous from time to time. To give you an idea, when a cousin tried to kill himself and his wife because he forgot to take his schizophrenia medication some years ago, my older relatives legit thought someone cursed him.

No. 54657

>>51146
This. I used to have REALLY bad emetophobia, like, I wouldn't leave the house b/c I thought someone would be sick, but now I get off to vomit. Idk what's worse lol.

No. 54666

My bf is into "lolis" and I'm kinda fucked up over it since I'm older than him and I wish I fit the look better

No. 54726

>>54666
dtmfa

No. 54741

Because I have some pretty bad constipation I clog the toilet every time I poop at home. I hate having to unclog it all the time. Now I try to poop at work since we have those commercial grade toilets that can suck all the paper and shit away.

No. 54742

>>54657
Holy fuck, same. As a kid I'd have nightmares about vomit, people vomiting, etc. I once saw a kid puke on the playground and I was catatonic for a couple days. It was really bad.

Now I have a weird vomit fetish, too.

No. 54743

>>54741
Oh man, where are you? I have the worst time when travelling as toilets around the world don't seem to be built to be shat in. Idk. Sometimes i'm so afraid to clog i'll just not go. Where i'm from clogging a toilet is just unheard of, like. If it happens it's the great topic of the day. Sorry for your pooping conditions, anon.

No. 54746

I feel so ashamed for admitting this, but I need to say it. I'm a serial cheater. It's a big problem. I start dating a guy and begin cheating on them with guys online mostly. I thought I was getting better with my current bf but then our relationship started falling apart and I went back to cheating. I feel so shitty about it and I feel like maybe I should just stay away from dating altogether and solve my problem.

My feelings fizzle out easily, it's like I get addicted to being with people and feeling happy, and then I just move on again. It's like a cycle.

And the fact that the guys are online make them easier to ditch and cut out. I also don't have to see them or anything.

I believe a little bit in the Freudian ideology so I keep trying to link my behaviors to past events but all I can think of is how my older brother sexually abused me. That seems to be the reason for a lot of problems I have. Or maybe I'm just a sociopath or a completely evil person.

The guilt kills me inside when I think of it. It's always hard to eat and I'm always paranoid.

No. 54747

>>54743
I'm in the southwestern US, I'm so ashamed. Thank you for your sympathies anon.

No. 54748

File: 1486421149186.jpg (576.34 KB, 1536x1386, both teams.jpg)

I feel like after I'm happy, I always want to go back to my most recent ex. When I was 19, I went back to my rapist after I'd found someone who loved me. Now, I'm idly fantasizing about going back to my emotionally abusive ex even though I've definitely found my "the one". I'm so fucked up.

No. 54758

File: 1486433460432.png (707.39 KB, 1024x535, 1483719823813.png)

>>54615
Oh look, it's me!

> I remember it all stopped when my dad scolded me for not saying 'good afternoon' to her and calling her Nana Jane instead of Mrs. Doe.


I had this EXACT same moment, with a family friend who I'd always call by their first name until randomly, my mom told me I had to call them "Mr and Mrs. X", and in doing so, the family friend immediately corrected me into referring to them by their first names, and I was really embarrassed by it. I had a lot of moments like these that kept me emotionally sheltered ontop of my already sheltering parents (they watched me cross the street on my way to High School every morning..)

In general, I made friends more easily as a kid, and then I turned into a shy, social-circle "floater" and stayed that way until very recently. What helped me tremendously was getting over my fear of being polarizing ("the don't want to offend, so don't say anything", or if I'm not cracking a good joke or saying something insightful to keep my mouth closed). People, especially other girls, are way less scary once you actually talk to them. They think I'm some genius for knowing what I know (residual from the the not-being-treated-like-a-fragile-girl by my parents), and they like to lean on me when situations get a little sticky. I don't say I walk into parties lively AF (coffee or red bull right before helps a LOT), but just treat everything like practice, because it is. I stopped harping on myself for not finding a "deep connection" with other girls easily. I have 1 bff, and a ton of other girls who I enjoy hanging out with, but what's important is that I don't expect anything out of them, and vice versa. We just kind of gel well enough to agree to go have a good time. You will naturally learn people's ups and downs.

People like us will always be our own worst critics, and once I stopped the "Me Vs Them", "What's Wrong With Me?" thought train, I at least relaxed enough to fake it til I made it. Pro-tip: When you're out in social situations, volunteer to do host-type activities ("Can I get you anything?" "I'll Drive", etc).

Pic Related.
>How I see myself in Social Situations
24mm, "I masturbate to hentai a lot!!/Patriarchy Is the Boogeyman!!/HEADCANNONS/
>How Others See Me
85mm, "I can be pretty kinky/My gender hasn't held me back, but also, did you want to try my pizza dip?/You guys like LotR? Have you seen the extended editions?"

No. 54782

I still have imaginary friends at 20 and daydream heavily, to the point where I schedule it into my day (anywhere from 30 mins to 2 hours) to combat lonliness and abandonment issues.

I have friends and a boyfriend IRL, but the friends and I recently got into a huge falling out and I don't really want to be around them right now, I want to give them space.

No. 54783

>>54782
I still daydream too anon. I have so many scenarios going on in my mind right now with very complicated narratives. Some days I just prefer to zone out with them instead of deal with my shitty life.

No. 54787

>>54615
I've always had such a strained relationship with my dad and his family and it's killing me. He's painfully awkward himself, always super reserved and stingy with both words and emotions, I can't really explain it. We bond all the time and he shows he genuinely cares for me a lot but it always feels like roleplaying Downton Abbey, everything seems to come from a distance. My aunt only ever makes snide remarks at me and criticises me for this or that

Are you me

>I always feel like an imposter, I feel like I don't talk like everyone else, walk like everyone else, dress like everyone else etc.

Are you me pt.2. Even though I'm pretty social now, I still look at how other people do things, like asking something to a clerk in a store etc. and try to imitate them as close as possible.

No. 54789

I have a complex about my small chest.

Growing up, I was bullied by the other girls for not 'growing' when they did and I learnt to feel shame over it as early as my preteens plus I barely grew since then. I learnt to love it for myself over the years because I realised my overall petite stature looks best with small breasts and small breasts can be appealing. I actually have no problem with looking at my body infact I wouldn't change my breast size given the choice, I'm happy in myself but it just comes to my relationships that it's an issue.

Unless the guy I date is outright disgusted by larger breasts I start feeling insecure, it even counts for 2d anime drawings which makes me feel most ridiculous of all. I feel inadequate to drawings sometimes. It created a huge divide with my ex that had a fetish for hyper inflated breasts in drawings, it was among the reasons I broke up with him though not one I mentioned. I would never tell anyone and I just keep it to myself because I know it's petty and pathetic but it gets to me.

No. 54795

>I "hacked" my best friend's facebook to read her DMs with my ex
>I'm gay but terrified on the though of possibility of me being bi
>food issues
>used to self-harm just because I've a fetish of keloid/scars

No. 54804

I hate myself

No. 54841

>>54783
Same.

No. 54854

>>54782
>>54783
Me to a T. I think if I didn't do this I don't know how I would be able to cope.

No. 54965

>>54782
Anon, I daydream like crazy too. I spend more time in my head, by choice, than hanging out with others. I've always been imaginative but this has only been a serious issue for the last 2 years. Nobody, not even my SO or friends know about it. Idk if it's part of disassociating or what but I rely heavily on my daydreams and *~*OCs*~* for comfort and happiness and it's kind of depressing/embarrassing.

No. 54967

I like to read self insert fanfiction where I can imagine myself in romantic situations with celebrities or fictional characters. I'm similar to >>54782 in that I have a boyfriend and friends, I just like to escape sometimes.

No. 54998

File: 1486888703628.png (95.13 KB, 250x185, IMG_1997.PNG)

>>54965

Fuck, me too.

I am not kidding when I say my daydreams and imaginary scenarios in my head get me through the day.

What's worse is it's usually my OCs (which is just me as a child) hanging out with the characters of my current fandom. Usually getting adopted by my OTPs to combat the lack of parents I had growing up. Kill me now

No. 55000

I mercilessly make fun of cows here (Suzy is fat, Onion has bad skin, nobody can apply makeup well) but in reality, I suffer from all the same problems in my own life and I don't know how to fix them. I can't take my own advice. I'm not in a position to judge these people physically.

No. 55001

>>55000
Start taking your own advice anon! It's way more fun to judge people when you're actually better than them

No. 55003

>>54965
>disassociating
you dont dissociate.

No. 55006

File: 1486930006291.jpg (1.93 KB, 125x125, 1479376327343s.jpg)

>>54967

Fuck anon, me too. I will spend hours tracking tags or those "imagine" tumblr blogs. And similar to
>>54998
>>54965
these daydreams keep me going through the day, and I even like to set aside time to do so.

No. 55017

>>54998
>>55006
Maladaptive daydreaming brahs. I've had it since a very young age and never outgrew it. Always thought I was the only one who made up elaborate characters and storylines in my head until I read about it.

No. 55018

>>54998
Goddamn, I do this too. Right down to the My OCs hanging out with my current fandom, its such a fucking weird thing and I also never grew out of it. I'm seriously glad there's other people that do this too.

No. 55022

I have spent 4K on a kid's game called wizard101 & I'm 100% embarrassed about it

No. 55023

>>55017
>>55018
Keep your feet on the ground when your head's in the clouds, anons

No. 55029

>>55017
Oh, I've heard about it (glad there's a name that I can call it). It's just really embarrassing that I'm using it as a crutch, despite having people to talk to and connect with IRL.

It's much worse than I'm letting on the characters and scenarios leak into my everyday life, outside of me 'allotted daydreaming time'. The best word I can use to describe it is hallucinations, but I know they're not real so they're not hallucinations, and I don't know how to approach my usual therapist about it.

It's nice to see that I'm not totally alone in this, though.

No. 55030

>>55029
>>55006
>>54998
>>54965
I always feel a sort of strange camaraderie when I find out other farmers have some of the same issues I do. It makes some of the embarrassing secrets less so in a way.

I'll share another with you though. I have a mask I'll wear when I'm extremely upset or don't want to deal with people. Currently, I wear it at home and really only in my room because it's fucking embarrassing and I don't want anyone else to see me. Lately, I've been wanting to wear it around the house though and explain this it's my "leave me alone" mask and hope they will. Some days when I'm really stressed at work I wish I could wear it there too but that would be fucking insane. Instead I just take a timeout in the restroom and cry.

No. 55051

>>55017
I used to do this more when I was a teenager with anime or video game characters or whatever and self-inserting myself in it but now I don't do it anymore. I did it when I laid down in bed to go to sleep at night. If anything I just catch myself daydreaming about short scenarios with whatever guy I have a crush on at the time. Which I guess is still kind of weird and both of which I've never told anyone. It's kind of weird putting these into words now, I never have before.

>>55030
Actually makes you think how many people we know in real life have secrets like this.

No. 55056

>>55047
I played it when i was around 17 & stopped when i turned 22. I play lotro & eve nowadays. Ngl it's a good game but I'm too ashamed to keep on playing.. despite it having surprisingly many veterans/grandparents who play too.
Ofc I'd never tell anyone I like the game irl.

No. 55065

>>55006
I have hundreds of kpop self insert fanfiction blogs saved, and even more in fanfiction sites dedicated to shit like Marvel and video games. I'm so glad I am not alone. I like to read these right before going to bed, it's my special time to just get lost in a fantasy. It isn't even sexual, sometimes it's platonic and fluffy.

No. 55069

>>54967
I also do this and have a boyfriend. When I'm stressed and don't get out a lot it get's worse. Sometimes this feels like 'cheating' even though it's just some daydream.

No. 55081

File: 1487090447327.jpg (66.21 KB, 619x464, MTI0ODUwOTM0NzU1OTIzMjE4.jpg)

I pretend like I'm Elle Woods from Legally Blonde whenever I feel nervous or anxious.

No. 55088

>>55022
I have played wizard101 for an embarassingly long time as well. My classmates introduced me to it in middle school and it all went downhill since.

No. 55089

>>54789
I am the opposite.
I have a large chest for my frame and weight, but every guy I know is into flatchested girls. My boyfriend is the same way. No matter how many times he says he likes my tits, I still know he actually finds flat chests way cuter.

No. 55122

>>55081
I do the same thing but pretend to be someone else. I'm not really familiar with that character though. Mind elaborating? I think it's kinda cute honestly.

No. 55133

I feel genuinely attracted to older men sometimes

No. 55135

>>55133
I was always severely disgusted by older men until I accidentally fell in love with one. Now, I don't mind a lot of things that used to disgust me. I'm not really one to knee-jerk react to appearances alone anymore. Because I appreciate the flaws in him, they do not bother me when I see them in other people like they used to.

No. 55136

I'm happily married, but I still fantasize about my ex alll the time. It's one of those unfinished business situations, you know? I've known him for 11 years, babck in the day we both mutually agreed we would end up together, but he's kind of a scumbag. Can't help but think about what could have been though

No. 55152

>>55133
Kek I'm in my 20s and my husband is in his 60s, we've been married for a few years and it honestly blows my mind sage for blog post but age gap relationships are highly romanticized in a way that isn't totally realistic, there are struggles that are unique to this kind of relationship, but he and I are very lucky because we're very loving

No. 55213

I have a shopping addiction and eating disordered tendencies with a history of bulimia. All I do all day is think about clothes/makeup/shoes/purses I want to buy. My whole life revolves around weight loss and buying things for myself. Some days I barter with myself, like if I don't eat all day I can buy myself a new outfit or makeup or whatever.

No. 55228

>>51253
im sure you can find people who like drinking and d&d, it's not like it's not something that meshes well. only problem is ppl get drunk they get distracted. most of my friends drink when we play, tho we are more stoners than drinkers but the same happens tbh i zone out a lot during d&d so i make my characters have short attention spans

No. 55266

I actively discriminate against
- aspies
- indian/pakistan men
due to universally shitty experiences

No. 55295

>21 of age
>never had a bf. Never kissed, held hands, nothing
>without false modesty, I'm quite good-looking. With some nerdy interests. I've always had guys' attention
>yet I've ever liked anyone who approached me, nor felt attracted to, and I couldn't bring myself to go out with someone 'for experience', so I'm always turning them down
>for some time I thought I'm asexual/aromantic, but I do have crushes. All of them all platonic though, on people I barely know.
>I can't seem to love a real person

At this point, I can't even imagine having a boyfriend? The idea of me in a relationship seems so surreal. And even if some miracle happened, I'm afraid I'm so left behind that the guy would be annoyed with my zero experience and super slow pace with things.
I wonder if I'm really somewhere on asexual spectrum or just fucked up? I'm opting for fucked up, but no traumatic stuff ever occured to me and my parents have a good relationship so…
w h y

No. 55298

>>50979
>i hate foreigners, most of all africans and middle easterns. was a total sjw before living with around 25 of them. the smell still haunts me.
>don't trust men or lesbian transwomen.

No. 55299

>>55295

you sound ace anon, crushes don't have to be and often aren't about sex

No. 55322

I hate fat people. I don't think there's any valid excuse for being overweight and I automatically judge someone who is overweight because it's a sign of lacking willpower and greedy entitlement disguised as "body positivity".

No. 55334

>>55322
out of curiosity, how do you feel about the link between childhood trauma and adulthood obesity anon? things like the ACE study?

No. 55344

>>55322
This is the embarrassing truths you wouldn't confess otherwise so I'm pretty sure you know you're wrong. Not all fat people are fat because they lack will power. Just look at what the anon above me said; genes, meds and other things also play a huge role and you can't really judge someone you don't know. I do believe most fatties are fatties because they indulge in eating crap for the lack of willpower, but what are the reasons behind no willpower? It's not that simple.

No. 55379

File: 1487550941155.jpg (234.66 KB, 1024x572, there are dozens of us.jpg)

>>55295
Holy shit, anon, are you me?

I'm reasonably good looking and I know few guys who's got this weird undying crush on me but in my entire 21 years of existence, I have been on just one date "for the experience".

I don't think I'm asexual or aromantic because I do have sexual urges and I did have crushes, mostly on fictional characters kek. I have always thought that if I really like a guy I would escape the forever alonedom but the guy never appeared. Idk what's wrong with me.

Pic sort of related

No. 55380

I often daydream about living different lives, like an alternate reality. the most recent one was "what if went to the olympics"

No. 55381

>>55295
>>55379
I feel you guys.
I'm 21 too and I have made out with people and it was kinda fun when I was drunk but when I was sober and that one guy was making out with me I just felt so awkward and wanted him to stop. I don't really care about making out tho so I didn't say anything.
I had some crushes but I can't imagine having sex with another person.
I don't want people to see me like that and I overall think it's gross as well as it wouldn't be fair to the other person because I really wouldn't get into it as much as they do (the guy I was talking about - he was moaning and stuff and that just felt sooo fucking weird) I do masturbate from time to time but pretending to care about another person more than you care about friends is something I can't do.
I can't even tell my pet that I love it because it doesn't feel right.
I feel like I'm emotionally fucked up because of my childhood.

I'm not even embarrassed telling people that I believe that I am asexual it's just that when I tell people they ask me all these questions making me feel uncomfortable being the way I am that I would rather not talk about it. They just make me look so unnormal and most people will ask REALLY loud something like "So you will NEVER have sex?????" (Who does that thats so rude)
Also whenever I think a guy has a crush on me I can't tell him because 1. Most of the time they don't tell me so I'm not sure and I don't want to make it awkward and 2. I normally distance myself after getting these vibes so we kinda end up not being friends then
I feel like I can't as much malen friends as I would like to have because most only approach me because they want a girlfriend or so at least that is how I feel

No. 55382

>>55344
Genetics/medical conditions account for a limited of extra pounds. 10-15 extra pounds when you have a reasonably healthy diet and exercise could be a hormonal thing, but you don't balloon to morbid obesity just because of genetics

No. 55386

I get so frustrated when I try to read or study anything that I get angry and start crying. One time I was so angry I hit my cat :\ I didn't hurt her at all and I'm pretty sure she thought I was playing but the intention is what matters. I just feel so helpless when I'm trying to do homework or read, my vision blurs and unblurs, my eyes dart all over the page, and I barely retain anything, and I end up skimming and then doing my homework as half-assed as possible so that I can go back to watching Youtube videos. I feel so fucking stupid I should just drop out of university, my grades are shit anyway.

No. 55387

>>55386
have you heard of irlen syndrome anon?

No. 55389

>>55386
Have you ever had a head injury or concussion in your life? It could be a mild traumatic brain injury. Symptoms include (not limited to):dizziness, headaches, vision changes, ringing in the ears, balance/vestibular problems, memory/cognitive changes (problems with spelling/simple math such as balancing your check book, slowed thinking, difficulty learning new things, remembering phone numbers, where you put your car/car keys) spatial disorientation and problems following directions, loss of smell/taste, extreme mental fatigue, lack of concentration/focus, change in executive function abilities (disorganization, decision making), lack of body sensation, and depression.
Also, if it's so bad that you had the intent to injure an animal, it's clearly upsetting you deeply. Consider seeing a doctor before your frustration with being undiagnosed/without help gets any worse.

No. 55392

>>55387
I looked into it and I don't think I have it, anon, thank you though.

>>55389
When I was little I slipped and hit the back of my head once. I feel like the back of my head is kind of flat now but not to an extreme or noticeable degree.

The frequent headaches (I wake up with headaches a lot, and I've thrown up from a headache once before), depression, problems with math, problems following directions, lack of focus, and poor decision making are all accurate. I know I need to see a doctor. I'm planning on at least seeing the counselor at my university for a starting place. I love the hell out of my cat, I felt so guilty after I hit her.

No. 55404

>>55344
I'm not anon but I also abhor fat people. I recently found out 2 different journalists I like are fat and I just can't help but see them as less than now.
My thing is that I know it's not always a persons fault and I buy into the idea that fat people r not lesser than bc they're fat ideologically but I'm just so so disgusted( I also lowkey think it's not actually natural but I know that's not true scientifically).
I'm normally such a sincere ~pc police sjw veggie since 13~-type but I cannot & prob will never shake this.

I also think something like "I hate fat people" doesn't have a place in this thread since it's a pretty accepted thought to have/shurg

No. 55406

>>55404
For me if someone is fat and insufferable then I'll hate them for being fat. If they're cool then I don't really think about it.

No. 55407

>>55381

>made out with someone

normie get out
reeeeeeeeeee

jokes aside, the line about not being able to tell your pet you love them is spot on. I've always felt emotionally detached from people and things, like I would never miss them if they're gone. That I only care about someone because I need them in some selfish way. The only exception is my mom. Then again I sometimes worry that I wouldn't cry on her funeral.

I had a pretty normal childhood, I guess I was just born emotionally fucked up.

No. 55411

>>55407

I can't completely relate to you guys, because I love my pets like crazy. Tbh animals and my parents are the only ones I can seem to wholeheartedly love, which sometimes scares me too. I cut ties with people very easily; if some friend wrongs me, I feel like immediately getting them out of my life. Funny, because people are praising this - oh, you're so assertive, I wish I could deal with others' bullshit like you - but I don't think it's that good. And when I regret my choices, I don't miss the person - I miss having fun, hanging out, emotional and mental benefits. It's all about me, after all.

No. 55413

File: 1487623565566.png (2.1 MB, 1066x1060, Screen Shot 2017-02-20 at 3.35…)

I've been dating my boyfriend for almost four years, we have an incredible, healthy relationship & I'm completely in love with him.

In the past few months we've gotten close to one of our mutual male friends. We've hung out with him a lot and he's become best friends with my bf. At one point I got scared that maybe I was developing feelings for him, but it faded.

Bf & I are moving far away soon, so we took a trip with a group of friends over the weekend. Male friend and I talked a lot, and he kept looking at me and joking with me in particular. He seemed pretty flirtatious in general. We ended up getting super drunk and I asked him about his taste in girls, and he basically described me. Now I can't stop thinking about him.

It feels extremely silly to type this out bc I know I'm not going to leave my bf, and neither my bf nor my friend would ever agree to a poly relationship. Part of me wants to hook up with the friend to "get it out of my system" but the other part thinks I just like the attention he gives me. It's frustrating as fuck.

tl;dr: I'm in a relationship but crushing on a friend and I wish I wasn't thinking about this days before moving across the country

No. 55414

>>55413
don't ruin a good thing for an infatuation. don't ruin a good thing with a guy who willingly and openly flirts and gives big signals too a committed person.

it will pass and you'll rest easy knowing you were faithful and have a continued healthy relationship.

No. 55421

I'm incredibly shallow.

I once befriended suicidal lesbo on the internet but completely lost interest when I found out she was a total uggo. Then dropped her like it's hot because her neediness and constant whining was annoying.
She still texts me sometimes.

That's it. That's my one secret that I will never admit out loud. Except I already told my best friends and mom. Oh well.

No. 55422

>>55413

Don't do it. Don't even think about it. Don't ruin a good thing because a guy gave you attention and flirted with you.

You don't even know if he seriously means it, he could just want to fuck, and you would have thrown away a great relationship for some dick.

>>55421

Sounds like something I'd do tbh. Not interested in talking to desperate uggos.

No. 55423

>>55421
You're not the only one. I used to talk to a guy casually, got along pretty well and I started thinking it could be a thing, and then when he finally sent a photo of himself….all of my interest fizzled. And I started viewing him in a very negative way, even though those things (his depression, personality) never bothered me before. But I kept talking to him because I'm a retard and didn't yet learn that men don't keep in touch like this unless they expect something from you.

The final straw was when he admitted his phone background was a photo of me. I didn't talk to him again.

No. 55424

>>55413
Been there fam, it gets under your skin and fucks with your head but it's completely normal. For me it could get intense so it becomes a burden but I promise you it will fade.

No. 55425

>>55424
This, it's just normal human feelings to experience attraction to multiple people especially over time, nothing wrong with it as long as you acknowledge it as a harmless and essentially meaningless feeling and continue being committed in your relationship same as ever.

No. 55431

>tfw east Asian
>tfw has hairy nipples

W h y

No. 55442

Ive rejected "decent" men because they were fug/fat/balding/whatever.
I've let jerks lead me on because they were hot and the dick was bomb. And because their social groups were waaaay cooler than anyone I hung out with.

I do not regret this at all.

No. 55455

>>55442
I don't think any woman deserves to get shit for doing that, plenty of dudes would do the same with hot women. If you're well aware of what's going on then who cares?

No. 55456

>>55431
Like really hairy so that you can see it from afar or just a few little thin hairs around the nipples?
If it's the later, it's perfectly normal. Everyone has that, just no one talks about it.

No. 55457

>>55421
>>55423
I don't think that this is shallow. Both cases seem like it was already a person that was not fun to hang around with (suicidal/depressed) in first hand. But since they haven't directly treated you like shit you couldn't leave. But as soon as you got something "negative" you could use that as an excuse to not want to have to deal with that person, I guess?

No. 55460

>>55431
Boohoo. Everyone has hair on their nipples. If it bothers you so much why dont you just pluck them like everyone else who's bothered by it.

No. 55468

>>55455
Yea that's kind of how I think about it too. I've gotten shit from my friends about it. Said friends tried setting me up with "nice" ugly dudes, saying I deserve someone who treats me better. I've always rejected them with a socially acceptable excuse like "I don't have time" or "he's not my type".

Here's the shitty bitchy part…i feel like I deserve an above average looking guy. I've been told many times I'm attractive/beautiful/sexy/cute. Even if he's nice I get insulted when a guy with extra weight or bad skin or ugly features thinks he has a chance with me. :/

Sage for blogpost

No. 55474

>>55468
Maybe you aren't out of their league, people just tell you that you are attractive to make you feel better lol

No. 55500

>>55474
That's a nasty thing to assume and say. Don't be that person.

No. 55503

>>55442
Maybe it's just semantics but can you really say you were "led on" by someone if you admit in the same sentence to letting it happen? It seems like you both wanted it, not that he manipulated you into something.

No. 55507

>>55500
>That's a nasty thing to assume and say.
Check what website you're on.

No. 55568

> I enjoy the chase, but lost interest when I won
> I flirt with 2-3 people at once
> I led them on (is there another term for this) for months, one of them lasted for a year

Now that I listed it I sound like a jerk.
Probably I'm just scared of commitments.

No. 55569

I love gossip way too much. The last internet community I was in, I quickly lost interest in the original aim of the group but stayed just to know about drama and hear gossip. I feel like I should find something better to do with my free time than hang out on lolcow but at the same time I just enjoy this.
IRL drama is okay but there's too much at stake if you get mixed in it, at least on the internet it'd be easy to fuck off if I got involved in something stupid. My bf loves gossip and often gets close to people because he wants to hear about their stories and ends up giving them advice, I'd never do that.

No. 55574

I still wet the bed sometimes.

No. 55586

File: 1487826405424.jpg (50.72 KB, 640x440, IMG-20170221-WA0022.jpg)

Sometimes I wonder if deep down I really dislike trannies because I wish I could be a guy. It's just… Idk if anyone feels this way too. Before anything, let me say I'm not a tumblrina and I'm not a teen either. I'm a grown ass woman. Also, it is not like I spend my entire day obsessing over this and hating being a woman because I do like being one, but… I often catch myself wondering how it'd be like to be a guy, and how things would be. I spend hours daydreaming about it sometimes. I've wanted to dress like a man… I wouldn't dare to go outside since I know I'd look ridiculous because I'm extremely feminine looking and have no idea how to walk like a dude,etc. But I really want to do that. Maybe I just want to explore a part of myself I don't understand well enough? Or maybe I daydream about being "the perfect guy" because I feel like most men are shit and that I'd be a great one? I also feel super guilty over being attracted to women (I like men better but I'm sexually attracted to women anyway) because my family was extremely Christian and homophobic, so I dream about being a guy because then I wouldn't be a filthy sick fuck according to their standards…? No idea. I wish I knew.
Anyway…If anyone understands these feelings please let me know.

No. 55589

>>55586
I can kind of understand.
I started having fantasies of being a guy since I first fell in love with another girl in middle school. I desperately wanted to be a dude because for some reason a girl-girl relationship felt wrong to me, and wouldn't work. I feel content as a woman but I still feel like I have this whole other side to me that's very masculine, or at least masculine-thinking if that makes sense. Similarly to you, it feels ridiculous because I'm very feminine physically. I've also always wanted to experience sex with another girl- but only if I could do it from the perspective of a guy. Which will obviously never happen. It's strange.

No. 55591

>>55586
>>55589
I feel you guys. I definitely don't experience any full-on dysphoria but I think I have more masculine tendencies/mannerisms/speech patterns than a lot of other girls that I've talked about this with. I certainly don't hate women or being a woman but I just feel more comfortable being around guys (though I don't really entertain this because I don't want people thinking I'm that girl that likes to hang around dudes for attention). When I get crushes on men it's always kind of confusing because it turns into this weird envy where I can't tell if I want to date them or be them. I don't have a super feminine body type but I wear makeup and have long hair and don't really look androgynous or anything. I dunno. It's nothing that causes me a ton of pain but definitely a lot of confusion.

No. 55598

>I was sexually molested constantly between the ages of 5-9 by two older family members.
>I constantly daydream about going back in time, knowing everything I know now, and changing the outcome of my entire life for the better. It's a consuming idea and I hate it because I know it can never happen.
>I am always comparing myself to a former friend. She's everything I've ever wanted to be, at least physically. Somehow, I messed up our friendship. I can't stop comparing myself to her. I've already lost 15 pounds because I want to be skinny like her and eating makes me feel angry at myself. It's making my BDD so much worse. I've almost never felt this bad about myself.
>I am terrified of people finding out about the 'real me.'

>I have toe fungus.

No. 55599

File: 1487837299566.png (355.47 KB, 410x402, 1487597300515.png)

>>55586
>>55589
>>55591

Coming from a psychiatrist, you all sound like you actually have low key gender dysphoria and are on somewhere under the trans* umbrella. That doesn't necessarily mean you need to transition though.

No. 55600

>>55586
I like being a woman, I just fucking hate trannies.

No. 55604

>>55600
Why do you hate trannies?

No. 55605

>>55604
They're creepy and gross, for one. Some obviously only do it as a fetish. They're obsessed with their gender and think being a woman is talking about nothing but babies, clothing and makeup. They make themselves into caricatures of womanhood.
Then there's the fact that they're the most fucked up individuals on the planet yet are for some reason constantly being enabled by SJWs to act like absolute retards. Most of them are obviously severely mentally ill and act no different than men (which they are) when it comes to women. They're incredibly entitled, will call lesbians who don't want to have sex with them transphobic, have no qualms about beating and raping women because 'it doesn't count if you're a girl lol', demand that their frivolous, non-life-threatening surgeries and other expenses be paid for by taxpayers, constantly complain about every minute detail of their lives, blame everything on the hormones and demand that everybody share in their delusion just to validate their sick fantasy. See: all the drama about misgendering.

I could go on but I'm on mobile. They're disgusting and actively endeavour to harm women but that's okay because they're mentally ill. Under literally any other circumstances the crazies would get locked up but these particular ones are allowed to be a stain on society.

No. 55608

File: 1487844050129.jpg (51.83 KB, 593x294, 1487282923274.jpg)

>>55605
You can tell the coroner not to waste his time with the autopsy, I died laughing.

No. 55610

>>55568
same here fam

I have to maintain about 3 different 'chases' even if most of it is in my head in order to be able to cope with being in an actual relationship with one guy. I have this phobia that I'm only with any bf because I have no chance with other guys, so I need to constantly reaffirm that I do have other options in order to believe my relationship isn't a sham. I also just really enjoy flirting and am boycrazy.
It's so retarded and impossible to explain to anyone without sounding like an asshole

No. 55617

I'm an alt-fag and can't really dress for shit in a "normal/formal" style. Bf literally has to tell me what to wear (sometimes). I'm getting better at it tho

No. 55621

Thank you everyone for your comments, I was >>55586

No. 55622

>>55468
I think part of it is because guys are on average uglier than women (only my opinion though), so with many couples pairing a cute girl and an average/below average guy, it's not hard to see why they have higher standards.

I don't care if I'm a PoS person but I got on okc recently and there's so many uggos messaging me, it's kinda ruining my confidence.
I don't think it's bad to take care of yourself to be above average and expect your SO to do the same.

>>54782
Oh gosh …. I do this all the time and love quiet car or train trips because of it.
I literally need to daydream crazy scenarios to get something like a crush out of my system, it's so weird. It's like I need some closure or something, does anybody else do this ??

I tried to stop thinking about my ex because we ended things on bad terms and I felt silly thinking so much about a fuckboy, but in the end it was better to elaborate a long scenario with a happy ending.
Then it feels like finishing a book or a movie and putting it aside.

I also tend to daydream about getting my dream job but I'm afraid it will make me feel accomplished without doing anything and hindering me … But other times it makes me pretty happy and hopeful for the future, so idk

Here's what I mostly daydream about
> My ex(s) realising they made the biggest mistake of their lives
> Getting my dream job
> Getting filthy rich and spoiling my parents (yeah grew up poor)
> Being a good singer lol
> My house being haunted for some reason

No. 55626

>>55617
uh… a t-shirt and jeans? you sound like a special snowflake. "LAWL I FORGOT HAU 2 DRESS NORMALLY GAIS XD IM SO DIFFURENT"

No. 55630

>>55626
I said normal/formal, not like a slob.

No. 55632

File: 1487868967853.jpg (43.63 KB, 500x649, I don t know those emo chicks …)

>>55630
>normal people dress like slobs
Holy shit you're embarrassing. Get off your high horse. I feel sorry for anyone who knows you irl. Is pic related you?
>>>/altcows/

No. 55633

>>55632
Why are you so triggered?
I only stated my opinion, just like you did yours. You might need to take a break.

No. 55634

>>55633
I'm not triggered, just laughing at your autism and holier-than-thou complex. I can only imagine you frothing at the mouth when you walk to the market or on the streets side eyeing every other person on the planet for wearing jeans and a blouse while thinking they're slobs. I genuinely want to see what you look like. I imagine you're not that busy and can't get hired if this is what you act so high and mighty about.

No. 55636

>>55634
Lol no. I don't judge others by the way they dress. It's just a personal opinion. And no, I don't think of myself better than others. You seem to be the only one here with issues.

And I do have a job. I'm an accountant/bookkeeper in my towns municipality lol

No. 55637

>>55622
>It's like I need some closure or something, does anybody else do this ??

YES. I tend to get really obsessed over things, and I had a huge crush on a Youtuber that would not go away so I literally had to orchestrate a scenario in which we meet and end up dating and then eventually breaking up on good terms to get the crush out of my system. I feel like a total freak lol but it's better than just letting the obsession wear on like I used to do in high school. I also daydream about the singing thing and spoiling my parents.

My usual daydreams:
>the crush thing I just mentioned
>being a popular Twitch streamer or youtuber
>various people I know or am a fan of getting into violent/horror movie situations for some reason
>being a good dancer

No. 55641

File: 1487876151137.jpg (147.73 KB, 610x885, 1467903821843.jpg)

have zero mental math ability, i'm 20 years old and i don't know my times tables. I am also studying physics at university and rely on a calculator for literally everything. i cannot even add or subtract numbers in my head w/out freezing up. I cant even work out how many days are left in a month without counting each day box on my calendar. If someone teases me about it i get so anxious.

I also day dream excessively (1 or 2 hours a day) about my video game crushes to the point where i cant even play games they are in without feeling flustered and embarrassed.

I have friends and a boyfriend and i have a really normal life but i cant help but i do all these weird things. feel i am just faking it till i make it. I doesnt make me sad but id be mortified if anyone i knew found out all the weird shit i do.

No. 55649

File: 1487879230122.jpg (129.37 KB, 807x861, 59b280b1d036bbb78e4582315f43d4…)

I'm addicted to the taste of semen but have no semen dispenser at my disposal at the moment
Life is suffering

No. 55650

>>55641

You can train your math ability the way you can train your body, I think. Or so it has worked fine with me. Sometimes anxiety makes shit to appear more difficult than it is and makes our brain to freeze. But with some effort we can work on it. You can do it anon!

There's nothing bad with fantasizing a bit with 2d husbandos, it's not like it's stopping your from living life. At least for me, thinking about fucking 2d men is a way to lessen stress and anxiety. And let's be honest, some chars are designed to look hot as fuck (I'd love to get fucked hard by Geralt de Rivia so bad). If you can manage to live a somewhat normal life I'd say just let it be.

No. 55656

>>55637
Oh my god yes that's exactly what I do ! It's so ridiculous too I just feel sooo silly. I feel like the girl version of those guys who dream about being all muscular and having 20 girls begging to suck their cock.

True embarassment showed its ugly head when I had an actual dream about hooking up with a youtuber. I thought I really went off the deep end.

I also regularly daydream about being friend with a celebrity and accidentally humblebragging to my friends, like "oh hey guys it's just me hanging out with Bruno Mars lel" sigh
God bless anonymous boards

No. 55664

>>55641
I can't math either. My parents sent me to a private school for 3 years, then another special HS, extra tutors and shit. I still can barely do multiplication, nothing past five, I have to use my hands to +/-.

I have no idea what it is, or what to do. I can't decide if it's a learning disability that just never got pointed out, or if I just fundamentally don't associate numbers with value. I see the number 3, but I don't imagine 3 things or anything, to me it's a squiggle symbol like Mandarin. When I add and subtract it's like using made up symbols, it just doesn't click.

No. 55666

>>55649
Is this some robot provocation?

No. 55673

>>55666
Maybe a bit
Mostly to let them know (A lot of them lurk here) that not all girls hate how it tastes.

No. 55695

>>55656
>>55637
Thanks, anons. Now I feel less alone for indulging in borderline retard daydreams

No. 55707

>>55641
>>55664
You might not be interested but I think you should both see if your uni has a student support department that can test for learning disabilities (sorry if second anon isn't at uni). I had the exact same problem but at 25 I was finally diagnosed with dyscalculia and some dyspraxia. On one hand nothing changed because I still can't read clocks, often end up crying in bathrooms at work if I'm assigned a counting task and will always have to try harder at something that should be easy BUT on the other hand it changes everything because I have a factual reason why I'm not just dumb or lazy. It's not an excuse to stop trying but when people make fun of me for counting small numbers using my fingers, I can confidently tell them to fuck off. Just get it checked out.
Spellcheck has meant that dyslexics can be writers now, so I'm sure with with a calculator physics anon will be fine too.

No. 55727

>>55673
so why would you never tell anyone without anonymity? it's slutty, but also hot as fuck

No. 55735

the only thing keeping me from an hero is my 15 000 dollars of debt because I don't want my family to be burdened with it when I'm gone.

No. 55736

>>55295
>I'm afraid I'm so left behind that the guy would be annoyed with my zero experience

Are you from a different planet? That's the exact opposite of how it works. Average looking women can sell their virginity for millions of dollars these days.

There is nothing more disgusting to men than knowing about your past sexual history and relationships. Any man who doesn't care is either just another man trying to get short-term sex, or is a turbo-beta actually trying to start a long-term relationship with your wrecked pussy and jaded views on relationships.

No. 55737

>>55736
The robot is strong with this one. Surely doesn't have a vagina, because if he did, he'd know that vaginas don't change due to sex.

No. 55739

>>55737
They do, but even if they didn't, that isn't what men dislike about your past sexual history.

Perhaps I shouldn't use the term "wrecked pussy", even metaphorically, because you'll misunderstand. Guys hate your past sexual history and relationships and it has nothing to do with the literal shape of your vagina.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 55740

>>55736
>turbo-beta
>wrecked pussy

/r9k/, you are ignorant. Go away.

No. 55750

My dad is really cavalier about gun control (I'm merican. Probably not even necessary to clarify that).

He's in the military so it's understandable because he has a lot of training with them, but he's totally okay with average civilians buying firearms. He was talking the other day about how he wants civilians to be allowed to purchase assault weapons just because he wants one himself. When my self-loathing and suicidal urges get really bad I fantasize about going downstairs, grabbing the shotgun he keeps hanging up, and blowing a hole in my head with it. He doesn't keep it locked from me because I have no history of violence, crime, or mental illness, so why should he worry? He trusts me. The sad thing is, even if he was the one to find my splattered brain matter I don't think he'd change his mind. His brother's son was shot and killed by his (the son's) roommate (WHO HAD NO HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESS, MIGHT I ADD) but that hasn't changed his mind. I'm not super pro-gun control myself, but I can't comprehend how he thinks any civilian should be allowed to own an assault rifle just because he himself wants a new plaything.

Anyway it's embarrassing because I don't like talking about the fact that I literally fantasize about taking my own life in a violent matter just because my dad has different opinions than me lol. That's some petty shit.

No. 55753

>>55750
>but I can't comprehend how he thinks any civilian should be allowed to own an assault rifle

You could kill just as much people with a handgun as with a semi-automatic rifle.

He believes in having the freedom for citizens to bear arms, you don't. Both sides have some good reasons.

>WHO HAD NO HISTORY OF MENTAL ILLNESS


The most sane person in the world could walk into a psychiatrist's office and walk out with some kind of "mental illness". There's a lot of people with absolutely nothing wrong with them who had some psychiatric label attached to them (and have to suffer stigmatization for it, like not being able to own a gun), and there's people who are crazy that never came into contact with psychiatry/psychology.

You're telling me you want to ban completely sane people who happened to have been labeled by psychiatry from buying guns, because apparently they're more likely to commit gun crimes, but you don't want to ban blacks from buying guns even though they commit murders/crime with guns at extremely higher rates?

I really hope you're ok with banning blacks from buying guns, because that's a far more effective indicator of whether or not a person will commit a crime with a gun than a person's past history with psychiatry.

If you're afraid of citizens owning firearms the problem is really your own country. In the US what you really have is a nigger/Mexican problem, and decline of civilization and "community" as a whole (leaving many people in social isolation with broken families, and poor economic outlook/opportunity, perfect catalysts for gun crime), not a gun problem.

No. 55755

>>55753
I said I'm not super pro-gun control I just don't see why average citizens need fuckin assault rifles lol. And of course America has a culture problem, anyone who lives here knows that. I was venting anyway bc I was in the middle of one of the mentioned suicidal-thoughts-filled episodes.

Also I mentioned the mental illness thing to point out how fucking stupid it is that mental illness is enough to keep people from being able to legally buy a gun when, like you said, non-crazies get labelled mentally ill and crazies avoid treatment all the time. Although I looked it up and in my state at least you need a history of mental illness and a court order preventing firearm purchase.

No. 55785


>started obsessively following fakeboi threads on 4chan in early teens

>contributed to a lot of fakeboi hate
>thought I was a lesbian even though I didn't like women like that because I was unsure if I had penis envy and thought butch fashion was nice
>developed substance abuse and ED issues to cope with having a woman's body
>realized & accepted I was a ftm fag
>came out in mid twenties, gained acceptance
>became sober
>getting hrt and surgery soon
>still obsessively follow fakeboi threads
>wish I could just be a cis lesbian

What the fuck happened

No. 55787

>>55785
I should mention that the reason why I wish I was a cisgendered lesbian is so I wouldn't feel guilty looking at those threads but I can't stop. ;_;

No. 55864

>>55785
I don't get why you feel bad, if anything now that it's your 'scene' it makes more sense to be obsessed with the fakeboi drama world
good luck with your transition. hopefully you have grown more compassionate towards other ftm though and make sure you don't internalise too much of that vitriol r9k-style

No. 55901

>>55755

ugh have to continue this: assault rifles are just stupidly tacticool and fun to dress up with modifications and shoot. they are the paper doll of guns.

AR-15's shoot the same caliber as a .22, which is a plinker or literal bullshit baby gun, they just have more force behind them.

i have a friend who named her AR. shit is kitted out af.

donno. i like guns and imo people who freak about them are worried at the wrong thing, there are honestly so many guns in the US that if they were really an issue we'd all be dead about a thousand times over.

No. 55902

>>55901
You're probs right, anon. It's probably just bitterness toward my dad manifesting in general lol (plus after my cousin got shot in his own home I was freaked out/existential for a while, as he was only 17 at the time and I was the same age, and that turned into a bitterness/distaste toward guns). If I ever actually went shooting I'd probably fucking love it as well which is the ironic part.

No. 55931

I feel so attention starved.
I grew up pretty ugly and autistic (still am), so when I started doing my makeup well and dress cute, I started receiving attention from guys on the internet. I know I look pretty cute in my edited photos (thanks LINE and Meitu), and I can be pretty friendly and sweet if they're cute. I develop crushes and I get scared of them.
I feel bad about this, that they're falling "in love" with an illusion of me, since no guy, attractive or not, had ever hit on me irl. I am too much of a wuss to come clean so I ghost them, but then I get lonely and fall into the same cycle all over.
Growing up ugly really didn't help with my self esteem, I just jump into their laps as soon as they give me any affection and I fucking hate it. I just want to be like the pretty girls who have men orbiting and chasing them.
Sorry for the rant, I know all of these problems are kinda my fault but I want to be popular or have a cute boyfriend that spoils me.

No. 55933

A really hot guy just came into my work and asked for directions. Normally idgaf about helping people, but I just totally bent over backwards to help this guy and the whole time I knew it was just because he was hot. He didn't even seem to notice I was going above and beyond, I imagine everyone does this for him. Sigh I'm so basic

>>55931
This is a really easy thing to fix since you already learnt how to dress yourself cute, just work out a bunch and stay well made up and cutely dressed irl and it should translate fine if you work on your social game. Even if you aren't actually attractive irl, being well presented is enough to catch people's eye if you are friendly enough. Smile endlessly, ask polite questions and say hello to people. The more you get used to people responding positively, the more you will eventually stop 'jumping into their laps'. It's best if you have female friends too so they can tell you if you're making a bad decision on a guy.
Spend your time in places where you could meet people with the same interests as you and try to work on your irl social skills at places like work or studying or even take part in something voluntary. Be warned though, you will probably attract creeps if you are nice to everyone, and also a lot of nicer guys will be less forward irl because it's just as easy for them to flirt online as it is for you. Which leads me onto the next point, having a social media which ties into to irl is a good bridge, like instagram and fb. Stay active and add girls AND guys, especially pay attention on instagram for people using hastags for events that you would go to locally. At first you will feel fake and even hurt over the dumbest things but it's literally just about faking it until you make it
tl;dr stay cute but spend more time around people and it will just happen
Alternatively, just grow thicker skin and send flattering but unshooped photos from the start online

No. 56366

I constantly fantasise about getting really sick and being hospitalised. I love thinking about who would come to visit me (and finding out who my real friends are), having my family fuss over me, getting cute letters and flowers. I think about how I'd spend my time; finally getting the chance to read some books, drawing, playing my ds, binging on netflix shows, doing sudoku/crosswords. I'd get really excited when my bf comes to visit and I'd love hearing him tell me about all the recent goss from university/work. Getting to wear comfy clothes and have junk food brought to me.

I know it's pathetic and disgusting but I'm a really lonely person and I've been suicidal for years on and off anyway so I guess it ties in with that. I just want people to pay attention to me and have some time to relax (I've been so stressed for years with college/work) and do things I normally don't have time to do because I'm so busy. Just anything to have my exams postponed.

I feel extra guilty because a relative of mine is in hospital at the moment, I feel horrific thinking I'd actually enjoy being in a situation like that and making others worry about me. I have an ongoing problem which my doctors haven't treated and I just feel terrible wishing I'd need to be hospitalised over it.

I hate myself.

No. 56380

>>56366
Where are you from, anon? I'm just curious because I've had almost this exact fantasy before but it always gets pushed aside the second I consider the bill lol (bc America).

No. 56381

>>56380
Nah I'm not from America, Europe.

No. 56383

>>56381
Ah that makes a little more sense then haha. It's a really weirdly comforting fantasy though.

No. 56391

>>56366
>>56380
I've also fantasized about this. Reason is due to mental illness having terrible stigma but everyone with physical illnesses gets maximum sympathy and pampered like an innocent baby. Sick world, huh?

No. 56396

>>56381
Makes so much more sense, in that case.

No. 56400

>>50979
I masturbated to tetris fanfiction a few times

No. 56570

>>56400
link it

No. 56608

>>56366
I have this too anon, almost always when I'm crossing busy roads I fantasize about being hit, if drivers aren't respecting right of way part of me just dares them to fuck up. I can't kill myself because I love my family and friends, I can't become a NEET or I'll hate myself, but I'm just so tired and don't want to go on anymore so hospitalization is the only excuse for a break.
As a bonus, if I die now I can be someone "with so much potential" rather than becoming an old disappointment

No. 56613

>>56391
Yeah there's a huge stigma against mental illness in my country. I guess this is what happens when we don't get the help we need.

>>56608
That's 100% the thing I'm talking about. I'm not actively suicidal either (I care too much about my bf to do that to him) but if I ended up being terminally ill or really badly injured I don't think I'd mind too much? I wouldn't have any regrets and the blame doesn't get put on me if I die.

I sometimes have visions about almost falling off a balcony or like you said, getting hit by a car. I don't see the problem with wanting to die of something like that when you want to die anyway, it's so much less violent than suicide and you get to spend your final moments being pampered.

Plus I guess the whole idea of a hospital makes me feel all safe.

No. 56647

I never told my co-workers about my breakup and they still ask me about my ex bf, how he's doing and things like that. We live in different cities and I'm not on any kind of social media so I can hide the truth pretty well. It's been months since the breakup. When it happened I was so hurt I didn't want to explain anything when someone asked how he was doing, so I just went with the flow and said what I'd say if we were together. Also because I still had hope that we'd talk and make things work again. I'm still not over him completely.

My friends know everything since day 1. I really don't consider my co-workers as friends so in the end I guess it doesn't matter much what they know and don't know, but the fact I keep hiding the truth is absolutely pathetic. I know someone is gonna ask how (insert his name here) is doing today and I'll lie because I'm a coward.

No. 56721

>>56647
Anon that seems really unhealthy, you can't mentally move past something if you are sometimes pretending that it's still your life. It's been some time, so look at this as an opportunity instead to be an example of a cool girl who doesn't get messed up by a break up. Next time just tell them that you won't be talking about him in future, and you would rather not talk about it now. And then if they ask again another day, that you broke up, but you still respect him as a person so would rather not talk about it.
You can do this

No. 57921

i'm a disgusting slob. i wash my sheets/bedding and try not to leave food out but in terms of clutter i am approaching luna slater levels. when i lay down to sleep i often think about what a fire hazard my room is and how i'd probs die because my escape path would be blocked by clothes and garbage.

i'm trying to change. currently renting a dilapidated student room so i'm hoping when i get my own place i'll be more motivated to change my habits.

No. 57927

i used to be a really friendly and sociable person, but these last few years i find it increasingly difficult to go out and deal with people. i'm okay after i manage to go out if i can, but the thought of going out gives me anxiety. i just want to stay home and smoke weed. i actually lost jobs because of this. i was on antidepressants and i felt okay for a while, but as soon as the psychiatrist lessened the dose i started feeling like shit again. it makes me very angry when being antisocial and awkward is glorified (i mean, of course everyone prefers a different level of socialization, but i hate those stupid listicles and memes that imply ditching people at the last minute is cute and extroverts are annoying and fake), but i can't help being a grumpy shut-in. i just want to be able to enjoy life like i used to.

i also admire most people here for being able to have a significant other even though they have pretty fucked up problems. it takes me like 3 years to warm up to someone enough to be able to like them romantically. i always feel like an overenthusiastic dork after i start a relationship and end up getting dumped because of the exact things that made me attractive to the other person in the first place.

No. 57928

After graduating in 2016 I went straight into community college. Told myself and everyone else I was just being smart by transferring later, but in actuality I just didm't plan enough during high school and I feel like a huge dumbass. Disappointed in myself b/c I was the art kid who was gonna go to a art school for animation.

Its pathetic that i've lost so much motivation for drawing and the future in these past months.

No. 57929

i look like a meth addict because i rip skin off my race when im stressed

No. 57933

i get tiny thick hairs around my nips

maybe like 7 or 8 on each

they grow slowly and are straight and wiry

lots of them is under the skin so they're REALLY SATISFYING TO PLUCK

sometimes I attacked them with needles to pull them out from under the skin to pluck them

now my nipples are scarred

and i still grow ugly fucking hairs

No. 57967

>>57921
It's true that a cleaner house motivates you better but your habits won't suddenly fix themselves
Subscribe to http://unfuckyourhabitat.tumblr.com/ with notifications and actually obey their orders to make your bed etc
Emulate the submissions by taking photos of an area e.g. coffee table and tidy it up as much as possible and take a photo again. Flipping between the photos will make you proud and highlight the difference it makes

No. 57975

>>57967

thanks for the awesome resource, i'll give it a try

No. 57990

Um I think the idea of giving my boyfriend a prostate massage is really, really hot. Same for a rimjob. I really hate this about myself but I'm starting to be more comfortable about it rather than be disgusted so eventually I'll get desensitized to it and it won't turn me on anymore (this has worked for a few different things for me lol).

No. 57994

>eating issues
>into camwhoring
>hairy in the whole body
>obsessive with qt guys I find in the streets where I work (wealthy neighborhood, lots of white dudes) to the point I follow them
>only fuck white dudes

why

No. 57997

>>50990
Start boxing, punching in a bag would do you good (plus it's a fun sport)

No. 58033

>>57994
You're black I assume?

No. 58037

>>58033
Mixed. Hispanic and asian.

No. 58061

>I think cutting looks cool but I never got into it
>I constantly fantasize over this older guy I used to fuck
>I have no real friends
>I get drunk every other day

No. 58062

>>58061
Sounds like you need to get some help anon, before things escalate and get worse.

No. 58064

>>58061
You can have my scars if you want

No. 58081

>>58037
>Asian
Not surprised

No. 58086

>get tons of anxiety when i go out
>last week i went out and actually had some fun
>instantly got head lice

just fuck my shit up…
i'm not a neckbeard. i don't deserve this. i feel fucking disgusting, man. buying medical shampoo was straight up shameful. how do people go out. everyone is gross. i'm taking this shit to my grave.

No. 58087

>>57994
>>58037

honestly it sounds like you're living life at its fullest i'm mad. hispanic asians girls are super cute too. god bless, have fun.

No. 58126

>>58086

jfc that sucks…like what are the odds???

No. 58296

> so lazy I don't brush my teeth as an adult
> teeth remain unaffected b/c theyr strong and my diet isn't too sugary
> but nobody would care about that b/c not brushing regularly is a sin against god or something

No. 58297

>>58296
Your mouth stinks, that's why.

No. 58335

>>58296
ew. go brush anon. it is sinful u freak

No. 58368

>>58296
Same anon, I rarely brush my teeth and have never had cavities. My dentist always says I do a great job taking care of my teeth lmao. I don't have bad breath either.

No. 58388

>so hypersexual that the first thing i think of when meeting a new person is usually how they'd be in bed
>regularly open new dating site accounts just so i can watch guys flirt with me, never go on dates or anything, i just like to know that they want me

unsurprising that my actual relationships never last

No. 58394

>>58388
Your post set me off on a deep introspection. I lust after and fantasize about random people ceaselessly and never really thought about why. I don't like admitting it, but I think I'm obsessed with the idea of sexual conquest. Perhaps an attention whore too. I want people for no particular reason, regardless of attractiveness or personality, and will get bored fast if they let me win them over. I thirst after the fucking UPS guy and he's probably hideous and could be a terrible person, but I can't tell through these fuck goggles. I ultimately want to fuck everyone but I do not want to speak to them or be their friend or partner.

I have had a few incidents with male friends where I pushed the boundaries too far with the flirting and I ended up in a relationship I realize I never wanted. It melted down each time and I ended up looking like a dramatic slut.

Nowadays, I avoid interacting with people unless I absolutely have to. I don't know how else to cope. I can't get through a polite greeting from a neighbor without fantasizing for the next hour. People who aren't desperate losers seem to pick up on all this and avoid me, as they should.

No. 58434

>im asexual since october

No. 58439

>>58394

> I have had a few incidents with male friends where I pushed the boundaries too far with the flirting and I ended up in a relationship I realize I never wanted.


totally been there anon, I've done this a few times now and it is beyond stupid and I have no idea why I keep falling into the pattern of it. something something need for validation, only really interested in the chase, etc. then when the inevitable breakup comes about it's impossible to explain how you got to that point. feels bad man

No. 58442

File: 1492554791963.jpg (78.44 KB, 500x651, 11247969_10153340897851145_649…)

Im am so ready for this thread I do a lot of disgusting shit on my own.

>suffer from trichotillomania

>my head hair is badly damaged but I dont have any super noticeable bald spots.
>Instead my favorite place to pluck hairs out is from my pubic hair
>will sit on the toilet for an hour or more sometimes just plucking them out
>I love getting ingrown hairs and squeezing on them to see the long hair come out
>my favorite hairs that I pull out have a piece of skin attached the the base
>i sometimes chew on the piece of skin attached to that hair piece
when I pull my hair out from my armpit I also love to brush the hair against my upper lip I have no idea why. I especially love it if the root of the hair feels damp

I dont do this one anymore but I used to
>pick at the skin on the bottom of my feet until it hurt to walk on them
>loved the large pieces of skin that would come off
>eventually start chewing on the skin pieces I pulled off my foot but never swallowed them, just spit them out
>eventually start just straight up eating the skin off the bottom of my foot

If I had acne issues I would have hardcore dermatillomania issues but thankfully I am blessed with clear skin. I would date boys with bad acne though and convince them to let me pick at them. I love picking at chest and back acne. Blackheads are my absolute favorite and I love watching the weird plug thing come out.

Some smaller disgusting things I do
>if I feel I have to fart and Im by myself I'll cup my asshole and then quickly smell the fart
>love to rub my hand in my ass crack and smell it
>stay at home most of the time so rarely change my clothes
>have a bad habit of not brushing my teeth though this is really something I want to work on, only really brush my teeth if I'm leaving the house that day
>use my nails to pick at build up of crap of my teeth
>floss my teeth with hair I pull out from my head

No. 58458

>>58442
how do you feel about being this disgusting

No. 58460

>>58442
>will sit on the toilet for an hour or more sometimes just plucking them out
>I love getting ingrown hairs and squeezing on them to see the long hair come out
>my favorite hairs that I pull out have a piece of skin attached the the base

oh my god i do that to

i have a mild form of acne inversa so i blessed with a lot of areas to squeeze and pick at in my pubic area.

I also do:
>pick on scab and eat it, like i just have to eat it, even if it is the scab of an old pimple on my butt cheek. then i chew on the scab as long as im able to and get sad when it gets to soaked up to chew on it properly

No. 58461

>>58442
That hair stuff can't be healthy.
Also I do that thing with smelling the farts, too. A little tip about brushing your teeth: get a electric toothbrush. Makes the experience even a bit fun and gets a little quicker, too.

No. 58480

I'm so socially inept that I, at times, genuinely question whether or not I have actual autism.

No. 58481

I am still salty and sad over not being invited to my "best friends" birthday party in fifth grade. She invited everyone in our class but another girl and me because we weren't popular enough. And she didn't understand why I didn't want to hang with her and plan her birthday party with her afterwards.

I feel embarrassed that it still affects my self esteem, its been so many years and we were children.

No. 58538

>>58458
Pulling out my hair I don't actually care, the addiction is that bad. I know it makes me a weirdo but I don't want to stop.

The foot thing was pretty fucking disgusting so thankfully i stopped and haven't done it for over a year.

No. 58543

I eat my blood clots when I'm on my period. I've done this basically since I started having one and I'm not entirely sure why.

No. 58546

I stayed on an extra year in sixth form college to do an art foundation and now I'm about to start applying to unis. My dream uni is pretty much best of the best so I need to build up my portfolio, but I'm too depressed and unmotivated to do anything about it and I know that's not gonna change any time soon. It's at the point where, after years of dedication and hard work and research, I've burnt out and am trying to just accept that I will be rejected, even though I've barely started any portfolio-worthy stuff yet.

>inb4 "this is the embarrassing truths thread fuck off"

It's pretty fucking embarrassing for me when I never shut up about that uni, based all of my research and career goals and future on going there and staying in the city, and having the only reason I stayed an extra year in the first place be to make it slightly easier for me to get there.

Also, a close friend of one of my friends is the subject of one of the most active /snow/ threads. I briefly mentioned the thread to my friend (without saying that I posted) and now she and I lurk together because apparently she's still that much of a dumb cunt IRL.

No. 58547

>>58546
Smells of Spoony.

No. 58549

>>58546
Fuck, Im still in college right now (did a-levels for a year and dropped, took some time off) and need to start looking at fondations soon but now of the work Ive made on this course so far id want to put a portfolio. We are kind of in the same boat here anon

I gonna take a wild guess, is it CSM you want to apply to?

No. 58552

>>51072
I know this post is ancient, but it sounds like you're describing me. Anyway, this is also probably just simple depression. You are stuck in a rut or cycle, mental, emotional, psychological, and/or physical in nature, + you stagnated and stopped growing in some way and need to change your life drastically in these ways (or at least start gradually growing again somehow). Also, simply finding, accepting, and being yourself even when it is inconvenient for others, can help. I'm not saying you should be jerky when you feel like it, but if you are being yourself and mean well, but aren't accepted/are misunderstood, don't back-down, reject yourself, or even try to please others by acting how you think they want you to act. Maybe try to clear up misunderstandings, but you just can't help who you are and being just that might help steer you more toward where you belong, and away from where you don't. I'm still depressed/schizoid, but hopefully doing things like this can help.

No. 58555

>>58543
Sounds like a weird version of pica.

No. 58558

>>58546
I wonder if it's Holly.

Anyway, Anon, I know what you're feeling–I was so depressed and could hardly work on my portfolio. You worked so hard on it until now, I hope that you'll get around and work on the portfolio. Going out and just sketching random things can be helpful just to get you going again, and if you don't think you can make it this year, try not to think about it and try to have fun creating art and why you wanted to do it in the first place. If you don't want to go outside, find old pieces and redraw/ rework them!

No. 58564

>>58296
If you're not brushing, there's plaque forming between your gums and teeth. Periodontal disease.
It won't matter if you didn't have cavities when it's your loose gum pockets causing your teeth to fall out.

No. 58583

>>58547
Spoony?

>>58549
Yeah, CSM or LCF. LCF is easier to get into but the CSM campus is much nicer and I prefer the buildings not being scattered around London. Doesn't help that I want to get into fashion design either because you need about 70 qualifications, 10 years of industry experience and a virginial sacrifice to get onto their Fashion BA.

>>58558
I've been so motivated for the rest of this year but recently things have gone downhill and it feels like it's getting too much. I have no problems with going out and sketching (I usually sit in the train station for a few hours and sketch commuters) but I just don't think the quality of my work is good enough or reflects my good grades.

No. 58586

>>58583
Ah, sorry, then I misunderstood you. Maybe you can bring yourself to still send some work in, the worst that could happen is that you get rejected–and you wouldn't be able to get in without sending in anything, anyway. But that might bring down your self-esteem even further. Anyway, I hope it works out for you somehow!

No. 58601

File: 1492709680657.jpg (Spoiler Image, 83.22 KB, 640x640, Mentallyhandicappedawareness.j…)

>Me and this whole thread

No. 58756

>>58480
same honestly
once i took an online test and got like 90%

No. 58757

>>58442
i do most of these. bless you anon for making me aware i'm not the only one.

No. 58758

>>58394
oh my god anon you're me

No. 58832

>>58394
I have the same thing, it's disgustingly an obvious self esteem issue or something but I can't kick the habit.
Constantly flirting with everyone, feeling disgusted if they take the bait but depressed and worthless if they don't. I always make sure that everyone knows I have a boyfriend so that I can't be accused of stringing anyone along, but then I still form borderline emotional cheating kinds of intense short friendships. I have a deathly phobia of my male friends getting new girlfriends because then I'll have to compete to be the number one girl.
Kill me now

No. 58845

>>58442
I don't chew them, but I will spend hours plucking pubic hairs, especially ingrown hairs. It's embarrassing and just causes unsightly ingrown hairs and red spots. I try to keep my pubic hair shaved even when nobody else will see, as this makes the problem far less severe.

No. 58876

>>51072
>>58552
not really relevant, but it's not a schizoid disorder if one avoids contact because of being socially inept and anxiety.

No. 58883

>>58543
sigh i play with mine, i dont eat them but i squish them and pull them. i get a massive sense of value from a chunky good clot

No. 58903

File: 1493092931036.jpg (26.22 KB, 675x477, 665656.jpg)

This is embarrassing as fuck to admit honestly, but there is a certain manga/anime that has given my life more meaning than it probably should, yet makes everything IRL so dull in comparison that it just fuels my depression even more because I know none of it is real.

I find myself thinking about it constantly, fantasizing about some of the characters, and wishing life was as colorful and amazing as it is. Waiting for the next arcs to be made into anime is literally the only reason I haven't killed myself yet. Every day, especially if I have to work, is torture, but it gives me motivation to get through the day, because I know I can always come home and indulge in it in some way.

This sounds so stupid when I actually type it out, but truly it's the only thing that fills the void of loneliness and hopelessness for me. At least for awhile until the story finally ends.

No. 58904

>>58845
Yeah me too. My pubic area is really fucked up with red spots from irritation and scars. If I "think" I have an ingrown hair sometimes I'll pick at it like crazy, rip open the skin with tweezers or a sewing pin. This has caused some scars.

Im glad to hear others do this too though. When you look at people talking about their trich online they really only talk about head hair, eyebrows, and eyelashes. I guess because admitting you pick out your pubic hair is way more embarrassing.

No. 58906

>>58832
I used to do this a lot but stopped when I got with my boyfriend because it felt like I was disrespecting him. And realized that it was a bit infuriating if people really did only want to be "friends" to fuck me, and decided I don't need that in my life.

It's cool being attractive to people and all and I love dirty jokes but I guess my self-esteem improved and I got into a better relationship. I still have intense friendship bursts and worry they seem weird but I'm not in love with them so it doesn't really matter as long as my intentions are good and he hasn't made any negative comments because he trusts me.

So sucks ass but yeah I'd say it could stop if your self-esteem improves, but I've got no fucking idea how to help you there. I just know that there was some fucked up gender bullshit about my worth as a female involved and enjoying the power I had over people by being a tease.

No. 58917

>>58903
Curious what anime this is

No. 59061

File: 1493237628999.png (637.62 KB, 1020x537, 35843d6a991254db641ec49eabe5b8…)

I'm a legitimate psycho whore and I'm in probably the worst situation possible.
I'm diagnosed BPD, HPD, and all other shit, fucking trauma victim too, just for some background.

Long story short, I have a boyfriend, and yet I still met up with this guy I barely really knew and we fucked and I'm pregnant
and the funny thing?
I'm not even completely sure it's his, because I'm a legitimate whore, I haven't told him that yet.
I fucking hate myself so much and I have no idea what to do.

I don't know if any of you have seen that majorly fucked up ShindoL doujin, but that's honestly a description of my life so far.

No. 59062

File: 1493240186038.jpg (88.57 KB, 640x466, IMG_3345.JPG)

Wanna hear something really cringe worthy guys?

I pretended to have an accent one term in college and then couldn't get away from it as I progressed in school. Too many people thought I was a foreign exchange student, and every class I took seemed to have atleast one or two people who knew me from previous classes. I couldn't drop the act because of the people who knew me as "foreign", and I felt like a total loser for keeping the lie going as long as I did but could face the humiliation of admitting it was fake. With the fear of being caught, I eventually stopped speaking and participating in class to avoid attention. I ended many friendships I had made there because I didn't want to keep up the facade– it felt totally wrong. After about a year of this, I ended up finishing my education online because stupid young me wanted to stand out and be special somehow. It's been years since then, but holy shit it's so embarrassing to think about. I wish I would have just accepted my qualities as unique enough. Made me feel like a cow myself. Hope it never comes to bite me in the ass.

Thank god for anonymity. Feels really good to admit this to people. Younger me was so insecure, but I like who I am now.

Other than y'all, I'll be taking this cringe to my grave.

No. 59064

>>59062
Anon, you're not alone. The worst thing is I'm still not free of that cringe.
When I was a kid my family moved to a place where people have a strong accent. Some kids bullied me because I was a "city girl" and didn't speak like them, so I adopted the accent in 7th grade. I'm still friends with some of the girls I've known since that time, and every time we meet I speak with the damn accent.
This is so stupid but I don't know how to end it. I hate my insecure self so much.

No. 59070

I am relatively attractive, cute face and a nice body. Too bad I destroyed my body with self harming. My legs are disgusting with huge scars all over. Even if it looks horrible and I am flushing my looks down the drain, I can't stop. I hate being addicted to something so awful.

No. 59071

>>56366
>has been hospitalised multiple times for week long+ sessions
>None of my close friends visited me
>Nurses threw my stuff on top of me/ stomach (after coming out of intense invasive surgery on my stomach and having intense pain and stitches there)
>not allowed to eat solids
>made me measure my piss
>Only tv/movies could watch was basic cable or old movies (if the tv set was actually available)
>Couldnt shower cause scar can't get wet so have to get nurses to wash your hair in your bed
>Have to drag around an IV pole
>get woken up multiple times over night to have vitals checked, etc
I really don't get how someone could fantaize over this. These were the worst weeks of my life.

No. 59076

File: 1493247648071.jpg (8.98 KB, 300x222, 1475585628013.jpg)

>>59062
I've never faked an accent but the way others around me speak influences me so much that I start to slightly emulate some of their dialect, and my own accent is kind of nondescript so it can sound any way you like if you just change it up a bit.

I have a different 'accent' for speaking in public, speaking with friends, with strangers, teachers, foreigners, with French people, Brits, Germans… My own accent is a bland Transatlantic one with some Americanisms and Irishisms, people tell me I sound like a Chicagoan and I've never even set foot in North America. Some people ask me if I'm German, others think I'm South African. You just can't place it on a map, it's that fucked up.

My arsehole clenches whenever I think about it, I really don't want people to think I'm purposefully putting on an accent or worse yet 'talking like a yank' but there really isn't much I can do about it except grin and bear it. And where I live your accent matters a lot, people actually get into internet slapfights over it.

No. 59079

>>59076
>>59064

Accent-chan here. Glad I'm not the only person who has done this… Where I'm from, someone with and accent was unusual, so it always got me attention; though I thought I wanted the attention, I actually always felt incredible dread when someone asked "where are you from?"

>>59071
>I really don't get how someone could fantaize over this.

I understand. I think anon is more so romanticizing the idea of being sick– we've all done it.
The dream that your loved ones will "suddenly care", bathe you in love and sympathize with your struggle; or whatever.

This isn't the reality of it though. Sorry you went through all that garbage though, anon.

>>59070
I've go scars from a decade ago, and people still bring them up when they are exposed. It used to mortify me, but it's more annoying now than anything else.
Sadly anon, those cuts will stick with you forever– I would really advise seeking other ways of coping with whatever is causing you to harm yourself.

Some people might recommend counseling (I hate counseling), but I'd recommend exercise. Seriously. Exercise can be it's own form of sadism (amirite?), and redirect those urges to self-harm.

No. 59080

>>58903
It's as if I wrote this myself. When my fav manga ends I'm probably going to kms lol

Do you mind revealing what anime/manga you're talking about? Asking out of curiosity.

No. 59091

>>59070
Me too, anon. They're all over my upper arms, my stomach, my legs. Guys will talk about me like I'm the second coming of Christ until the moment one of them sees them. Then, in packs, they ridicule me constantly and talk about how I'm crazy and emo. A lot of guys have applied sexual connotations to them and make jokes about how they'd cut me if it meant they could fuck and that it must be my fetish.
I douse them in lactic acid whenever I get the chance.

No. 59102

>>59091
I thought you meant you douse the asshole guys in lactic acid and I was like "ok that's not really the kind of acid for that but whatever makes you feel better I guess."

No. 59103

>>59102
that's how I read it too kek

No. 59105

>>58904
Yeah. I've never admitted it to anyone irl, and I don't think I ever will.

No. 59106

>>59062
Just let it fade slowly, like it naturally does.

No. 59127

>>58543
>>58883

Ive been thinking about this lately and Im really curious about how you guys do this. Im not disgusted by it but genuinely curious about how you guys go about this.

Do you mainly do this on the toilet? Do you dig the clots out of your vagina or fish them out of the toilet? Does your hand get super messy with blood and you have to wash it after?

I love seeing big clots come out of me too but I very rarely see them. I wouldnt do what you guys do because I'm too lazy to clean myself up but Im not really disgusted by the idea either.

No. 59129

>>59102
Oh god
>>59103
I'm so embarrassed no

No. 59130

I stalk a lot of people I don't like at all on the Internet, creating several folders on my computer for them, filled with screenshots, pictures and everything I would need if I needed to confront them about something.
Stalking people is my main hobby and I'm fairly good at it. I once hated a girl so much that I was able to found her old nicknames, forums and blogs from ten years ago, and she was 23 when I started creeping on her. I do continue checking on her everyday, but she's not the only one I lurk.

I also shoplift, mainly for clothes and accessories that I find cute but too expensive for the quality. I do have money but I prefer to spend it on things that I can't shoplift.

And for the main stuff, I also like to befriend people who will do what I want them to do, like running errands for me or beating up people I don't like, without telling them that it was my idea. And when I start to get bored with them, I just leave them.

I may be a sociopath but I don't feel remorse when thinking about that since I'm extremely careful and know how to lie without getting caught.

No. 59131

>>59130
Don't you also have BPD and never leave the house? You're like 21 and a mooch for life arent you? Get therapy.

No. 59137

>>59131
I don't know if I have BPD or any other mental illness, but I'm 23 and I'm currently studying and currently working in IT security, which is probably why I enjoy stalking people so much.

No. 59141

>>59127
I wear pads so basically anytime I go to the bathroom I'll check my pad for any clots; if I see one I'll just kind of scoop it up with a finger and play with it a little before putting it in my mouth. Sometimes I'll play with it with my tongue but usually I just swallow it normally.

On occasion if I've been having really bad cramps but don't see any clots, then I'll go ahead and put a finger in myself and see if I can scoop something out. I actually get disappointed if I go to the bathroom and don't check and end up with a clot in the toilet but the idea of fishing them out has never occurred to me. I don't think I would do it though, seems gross tbh.

I wouldn't say my hands are coated in blood but whichever fingers I use do get a little bloody (which I lick off). I still wash my hands afterwards though because where I work involves contact with other people and equipment other people use.

No. 59143

>>59130
I also stalk a lot but it's usually people I like or at least find a little interesting. I can find virtually anyone, and I go as far as finding real names, addresses, phone numbers, work info, some daily routine places… It's so embarrassing tbh and I never do anything with that information and don't intend to at all. Just a bad habit.

No. 59144

>>59143
Me too! I always feel really guilty but I don't do anything with the info I find or have bad intentions so…If anything, it's made me more careful with my info.

No. 59147

>>59144
Exactly! For this reason, I'm paranoid and super careful with what I put online.

No. 59223

>>59130
>>59144
a-anons are you me. There's this cringey annoying sjw at my school and I can't help but stalk her online (she made it too easy to find her dA, tumblr, alt accounts). It floors me how easily you can see what people really think and post online thinking no one in real life will see it. So it made me careful what I post about myself LMAO. It's a morbid and kind of pathetic hobby but really fascinating, honestly.

No. 59252

>>59241
Another shoplifter anon here. I wouldn't really advice you to do it. You need to appear unsuspicious and sweat perls at your forehead dont really help with that. Don't use stores with video cameras and make sure, no one sees you doing it. If you can't afford to get caught, don't try it.
It's the same as lying. You have to do it as if it were nothing to appear natural.

No. 59253

>>51256
I wrote this post 3+ months ago, I just wanted to provide an update. I have been depressed for years but I was really starting to get sick of myself at that point. Since then I've lost 25 lbs through healthy eating. I have started taking better care of myself and my hair is no longer falling out the way it was. My new therapist is really helping me and the medications I've been prescribed are making a subtle yet huge difference in my life. I still feel anxious and afraid and I don't know what's in the future, but I am finally learning to have faith in myself and that I need to take care of me. Feels good, thanks for the empathy you gals showed me

>>54587
That's very kind of you anon

No. 59255

>>59252
It's also childish and scummy as fuck and something to be ashamed of.

No. 59265

>I can only orgasm when I'm asleep/dreaming
>I have fantasized at least once about every guy that has ever been nice to me
>I have fantasized about girls since I was 6-7 but was always too chicken to try and experiment and get labeled an edgy bi girl that just wants attention

No. 59268

I wish I was white. I don't feel American. I'm mixed race. I don't feel like anything. I already feel isolated in a million different ways and now I don't even feel like a member of my own country (where I was born and raised). I know it really doesn't fucking matter but I guess I let alt-right ideologies get to me kek. I never really wanted to have kids in the first place but now I extra don't because I've let myself believe that race mixing is degenerate and I couldn't have biological children without mixing races. Doesn't matter anyway I guess seeing as I never leave my house.

No. 59278

>>59253
proud of ya!!!!! keep going, anon. However cheesy it sounds, the world's your oyster.

No. 59288

>>59061
Are you going to keep the kid?

No. 59289

>>59268
You ahould probably stay away from any chan boards for a long time. And the internet, in general. Throw your phone or computer in a lake.

No. 59295

i'm getting married to someone with a porn addiction and i'm 100% certain it's going to ruin us because it's already emotionally devastating to me

No. 59296

>>59253
i still want to be friends with you and i'm happy you're doing better.

No. 59300

>>59295
Love yourself more and either dump the person or get him unaddicted.

No. 59304

>>59295
thats why my relationship failed with my ex fiance. its taken a year and a half and way too many fights for him to finally realize that porn really fucked it up. his excuse was that everyone watches it. but fuck that.

No. 59309

>>59295
Then don't marry him? Super easy.
It's not gonna work, so why take on the costs of a wedding and then a divorce?

No. 59311

>>59300
i hate myself. he is a genuinely amazing person and makes me feel like i'm worthy of being loved. he is my best friend. i love everything about him except for how much he loves porn and worships huge tits and compulsively hoards images of women he finds on reddit.

>>59304
seriously? can you tell me a little more about how the fights would progress, etc? for me it's shit like… i realized he had dozens of gigs of just pictures of naked women, and none of them looked like me, and it fed into my insecurities and made me hate myself more than i had before. was it anything like that for you?

>>59309
i'm in love with him and everything is ok when i'm able to block it out of my mind and distract myself. i'm bipolar and when i get into depressive cycles i can't help but think about it and i self-destruct. when i'm a little more balanced, i'm able to pretend like everything is ok.

if i don't think about it, everything is ok. when i think about it, i wish i were dead and buried. when i think about it, i don't believe anything he says to me about how he finds me beautiful and thinks my tits are amazing, etc.

i was also traumatized in the past by an ex who would force himself on me and watch porn while he used my body, so it's kind of a double whammy. i feel like it's unfair to hold that against my fiance, though. lol i'm pathetic

No. 59314

>>59311
Christ, do you realize you are literally some guy's cumdumpster? Do you want a life being secondary on your husband's sex life?

Who cares he is your best friend if he makes you feel bad like that and doesn't do anything about it, he clearly doesn't care, neither should you.

No. 59315

>>59311
i had known for a few years that he was watching a fuck ton of porn, but i just let it be, even though it really was messing with me. i felt super ugly and pressured to do some really nasty stuff because thats what he would watch. i felt like i had to compete with these other women because i wanted to keep him.
but through time, it had progressed into him messaging other women through reddit kik and craigslist. instead of waking me up with a good morning or how did you sleep, it would be like every morning i would wake up and hed be touching me all over or pressing his dick onto me and when id get mad, he just wouldnt understand why thats kind of messed up. if i didnt respond to that, hed just go to the bathroom and jack it before his shower. it amazes me that he was actually surprised that i knew, but over the shower i could hear porn and him furiously beating it.

i had had our second child and was going through some serious postpartum depression, and it just hit me one day how fucking tired of the whole thing i was. i confronted him about it and he lied of course. but i left him alone for a day and spent that time compiling about 7 years of receipts show i could show him just how deep he was in it. after about a week he finally fessed up to everything. but its taken that year and a half for him to finally realize that even the 'small' things mattered. he blamed me for a lot of it. i didnt pay enough attention to him or make him feel loved even though through most of it i was a stay at home mom and would fuck him on the regular. it came to a point that i would get drunk just so i could get through most of it.

he really didnt want to come to terms with the fact that he didnt put the effort into the relationship. if he would have actually confessed to me that he was lonely or feeling less loved, then maybe we could have addressed things as adults. and clearly getting a nut wasnt making him happy and we were having sex pretty regularly on top of him masturbating. it was just a way for him to escape his problems but he expected me to fix everything without actually communicating with me.

im really sorry for the blog. but yea, it destroyed my self esteem and i pushed myself sexually and mentally to please him for years before i finally stood up for myself. im at the point now where if i start to feel horny i get intensely ashamed of myself.

make sure you do what you need to ensure your happiness

No. 59317

>>59314
that's not at all the relationship we have. that's the relationship i had with my rapist, but not the one i have with my fiance.

he doesn't make me feel any certain way. the porn makes me feel those ways. his logic is that he's always going to masturbate, no matter what, and there's nothing anyone can do to change it because it's natural. he's trying to get better about the compulsive hoarding.

>>59315
i'm so, so fucking sorry that you went through all of that. please don't apologize for what you wrote. a lot of it is resonating deeply with me and i feel for you. i wish i had more to say or insight to offer, but all i have is that i'm happy you've finally escaped that prison and i hope you've found peace.

i'm sorry you have PTSD re: your own sexuality. i can relate to that, too. after being with this guy, i can't look at porn anymore. it just makes me feel sick.

No. 59318

>>59317
You know it's him hurting you and not porn because it's him using porn and hurting you not porn using him and hurting you. Keep deluding yourself, whatever, but this relationship will destroy you further.

No. 59320

>>59317
it feels amazing not being in a weird co dependent relationship with a man child. as much work as it was being in that relationship, im willing to put that effort into making myself into the woman i deserve to be.

i guess the only thing that i could give as advise is to make sure he understands that its disrespectful to you to say things like he wont give up beating meat because its natural. imo if its something he does all the time, looking at porn, relieving himself sans you, it takes away from the connection that you could experience together through sex. not saying that you need to make yourself fit into his level of sexual thirst but the beauty of a functioning relationship is connecting on different levels, and sex doesnt have to be reduced down to just relieving primal desires. whether its sensual or a quicky, its an opportunity to experience your lover and i personally find it offensive if someone who wants to spend their life with you cant just set aside some selfishness to ensure their partner is physically and mentally sound. but thats how i think because i was basically reduced to a pair of tits and a vagina to my ex.

No. 59323

I like to pretend various bits of jewelry I own are enchanted or otherwise magical. I have a braided metal ring and an obsidian elephant necklace that are "magic" (so, glorified good-luck charms lol). I've given them fake backstories – they're both cheap but I imagine the obsidian is real obsidian and it was crafted by a wizard or something lol. I would never tell anyone because it's stupid and childish but I legitimately feel a little better during my day when I remember that I'm wearing the elephant or the ring.

No. 59330

>>59311
So don't block it out and pretend it's not there. You wanna be 40, bipolar, fucked up over your shitty marriage, and divorced? Mental illness isn't an excuse to do something you know isn't good for you or anyone else, so don't pull out your bi-polar card and say 'b-b-but im damaged so can't do the hard thing'. Don't make excuses, because a few years into this marriage you're gonna run out of them. Speak up for yourself and say you're not happy with his porn habits at the very least, jfc.

No. 59331

File: 1493530004313.jpg (34.33 KB, 500x378, sdfghj.jpg)

>i was raped when i was a kid
>i've only talked about it like two times in my entire life.
>i went to a party today and it was in the house of an ex-close friend. this ex-close friend was the first person i ever talked to about the abuse.
>i hadn't seen him IRL in the past three years or so. i was super excited but also very scared.
>in the party someone made fun of the shirt i was wearing. i had spent hours picking my clothes for that stupid party. this ex close friend of mine made fun of me too. i left. we talked maybe two times in the entire night.
>i've been crying for the past two hours about the rape, the lost friendship, AND because they made fun of my tshirt…

No. 59347

>>59331

Someone making fun of your t-shirt doesn't mean they don't regard you as a friend or a nice person to be/have around. Just wear something else next time and don't overanalyse things.

Supressing past trauma's can ruin your life more than the trauma itself. You should start processing it and move on, perhaps with professional help.

Believe me, you'll become a 2.0 version of yourself, you'll open up more and be able to enjoy life more after you've processed the pain from your youth.

No. 59358

I was raped and now I'm scared to drink bc every time I drink I start crying and blabbering about my rape

No. 59383

>>59320
Masturbation is fine and I personally don't have a problem with my boyfriend doing it. But early on in the relationship, he told me he had stopped watching porn (he can be pretty blunt sometimes) and that was sweet. I appreciate that he sees me as valuable and a real person, and respects our relationship enough that he doesn't watch pornography. And I like when his libido is focused on the two of us. I think pornography is more of a problem than masturbation, usually. As long as a man is using his imagination, it's not really harmful, in most cases.

No. 59384

>>59323
You're not the only person who does this. I do something similar, and it makes me happy.

No. 59396

>>59295
Pornography is tricky. I'm totally fine with my boyfriend watching porn but it's such a huge turn off when guys have favorite porn stars. I've never dated anyone who let that slip but I've had a few male friends who who mentioned that so and so is cute, or that they'd like a girl like her, etc etc. It's so unattractive… I'd feel terrible if I found out my boyfriend watches a specific girl. It takes the situation from "just tryna nut" to "the first thing I think of when I'm horny is this girl."
Not cool.

No. 59398

>>59396
My boyfriend almost MET his favorite porn star before we started dating; he talked to me about it casually since we were friends at the time. He decided not to go because it would "ruin his idea of her" or something along those lines. Ugh.

No. 59402

All this porn talk has made me want to confess to my relationship problems, too. My boyfriend looks at porn (basically, images of naked or half-naked girls on reddit) every single day. He even used to work at a strip club. I've told him how insecure it makes me feel that he looks at porn so much, and how badly it makes me feel that none of them look like me. I don't have a 10/10 perfect body and I feel guilty and awful for that because I can never measure up to the girls he sees on the internet. I don't know what to do. It feels like nothing I can do will make him understand how much it hurts me to be constantly compared to other women like that. I feel like I am not enough for him and I feel disgusted with my body and face and everything else because I don't look like the girls on the screen.

I don't think it's addiction, and I guess this isn't really the only problem we have. I don't want to control his life, but I don't want his habits to control mine. How can I talk to him about this? Please don't say, "just break up with him!" I want to know how to make myself heard and understood and maybe change something.

No. 59408

>>59402
Work out, deny him sex, watch him struggle.

And seriously. Have you been to a titty bar. Most of those girls who work there are disgusting looking. Unless you're in an affluent area. Just get a good body and be more hard to get he will start appreciating you real quick

I'm sorry but the reason why he looks at porn has nothin​g to do with his attraction to you. You're not attracted to you, so you need to get in good shape and learn how to do your make up.

I've been in this situation before. This is my tough love I'm not a bitch.gl

No. 59410

I have disgustingly bad hemorrhoids and they're one of the reasons I'm aiming to reach wizard-status.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 59416

>>59410
>wizard
>a male
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GET OUT

No. 59424

>>59408
>I'm sorry but the reason why he looks at porn has nothin​g to do with his attraction to you. You're not attracted to you, so you need to get in good shape and learn how to do your make up.

I don't understand. You first say that the porn nothing to do with his attraction to me, then you imply that he looks at it because I'm not attractive?

Besides work and school, working on my body is my #1 goal. Thanks for more motivation. I also need to work harder on my skincare and hair, so thanks more for that motivation too. Do you really think it will improve if I am more attractive?

No. 59428

>>59402

You are trying to change your bf when the problem is with yourself. You are insecure because you feel you don't match up to those women and you're trying to stop him based on that. You are the only one who is comparing them to you. Your boyfriend is with you and loves you and presumably has sex with you, not them.

Try work on your self esteem rather than attempting to make him stop watching porn.

No. 59431

>>59428
So it's not wrong, even I feel I makes me feel bad, just because I'm insecure? I get what you're saying but it's just weird that all the other advice in this thread basically now says the exact opposite.

Also there's no way he's seeing all these images of better looking girls and not comparing them to me. That's just not how the brain works.

No. 59432

>>59424
What anon is saying is that your level of attractiveness is not going to change your bf porn habit. By all means, work on yourself, it's great, but don't be disappointed when you're a 9/10 and he's still watching porn.

No. 59433

>>59431

No one cares about porn habits unless he is doing it excessively and it is damaging your relationship. I know that it is damaging your relationship, but right now it's because of your insecurities about your own body and other women and not anything your bf does. If he was demanding anal sex, unable to orgasm and spitting in your mouth, sure.

Does he call you beautiful? Does he love you?

No. 59435

>I try to kill myself on the regular. I'm too weak to pull it off. It's not even a cry for help, I do it alone or at night. I sometimes try to talk about it to my bf to prepare him for the day he's going to find me. I think at this point he doesn't take it seriously. I don't either, I've tried so many times I've stopped counting.
> I get crazy mood swings where I cry for days and some ups where I feel kinda good. Sometimes the goods turn into sads when I'm feeling affectionate but know nobody feels the same level of things.
> I still have feeling for my ex. He uses me to get some validation. He didn't even bother to send a message to me when I ended up in the hospital and that led up for to not talking for a whole year. I caved in this summer and sent him a birthday text.
>I think deep down I would rather take up the offer of doing nothing all day and depend on my bf if it wasn't for the deep shame of even existing my mom put in me from childhood. Not feeling productive feels like I'm dying. The possibility of failing at anything feels like dying. The only way to shut it out is to play video games while playing the same videos over and over in the background so I can't numb the sound in my brain.

Sorry for all this shit. Not feeling really good these days.

No. 59436

>>59433
So if anon was doing something that hurt her BF's feelings and made him feel uncomfortable, she wouldn't have to stop it because it's just his problem?

No. 59437

>>59436
Depends on the problem. If you're offended by my eating meat I'm not going to stop eating meat just because of you. If I'm saying something hurtful to your face or flirting with other people in front of you, then yeah, you've a full right to be pissed off.

No. 59438

>itt: dudes trying to justify their porn addictions

No. 59439

>>59435
I can't believe someone as unstable as you who has no perception of the permanence and irreversibility of death has a BF and I don't, feels bad man

No. 59440

>>59439
Well, yeah. And it's a good one, at that. I honestly have no idea how I landed him. Maybe some sort of Messiah complex on his part.
Also, it's precisely because I have a perception of the permanence and irreversibility of death that I want it. Life is not that fucking precious, ffs. Not seeing what's that really have to do with having a relationship, tho. You sound like a salty robot.

No. 59451

My bf is paying for my plastic surgery and I feel bad about it, but it's not what it sounds like.

For context, he's only taking it on in his name so that I could get some paperwork done. I already have the money for it (and then some, been saving for years), but due to various restrictions I have to do it now and pay later and they don't offer paying by cheque.
Basically I have to have the money on my account + not be in debt until I get the document, but I can't get ps later because I'll be away.

Idk if that makes me a bad person or just a victim of bureaucracy, but I wish I could just pay it off in cash right away and not have to burden other people with my financial bullshit.

No. 59452

>>59451

So he's just paying for it and you're giving him the money back?

Kinda like your older sibling taking your cash and buying you a beer? Nothing wrong with that then

No. 59454

>>59452
Yeah, I suppose. He's not even paying for it, it's just in his name.

No. 59457

>>59440
No, if you really understood it you wouldn't be trying to kill yourself all the time.

No. 59458

>>59451
Nothing wrong with this at all fam. It's not like you're making him cover the expense, it's just some shuffling of funds and paperwork. Hope your surgery goes well and you heal up quickly.

No. 59459

I watched a few episodes of Jojo but didn't finish it. I see so many people with memes and characters that I don't quite get but play along like I do. I'm not privy to the hype and feel that way about certain other popular animes I've attempted to watch.
Some of them move so slow I can't take it.

No. 59468

>>59458
Thanks! It'll be my first and, if all goes well, only procedure, so I'm being careful both money and research-wise.

No. 59478

I watch movies meant for kids and genuinely enjoy them. Especially if the animation is Disney tier wonderful. Sometimes I even put them on before bed because they help me fall asleep.

People online say there's no shame in it, but irl I've felt judged for it before and it's kinda embarrassing to admit. I even think my bf gives me the side eye for it sometimes.
Feels bad man.

No. 59479

>>59457
Yeah, your logic is not really holding any water. Because something is permanent, I shouldn't want it?

No. 59482

>>59478
Fuck 'em. Animation is great and cute storylines are relaxing. Enjoy the films anon, that's what they're their for no matter how much anyone else snubs them.

No. 59504

I'm >>51152
I'm in a relationship with said guy for a while now, and I've gone from 'asexual' virgin to now having sex 3 times a day. I literally beg him to fuck me. I'm kind of embarrassed about it, we have pretty wild sex, me being so hungry for his dick really conflicts with my ideas of purity. But I just can't help myself. We better marry, because I can't go without him. Everything about him is absolutely amazing, not just his dick and skills.

No. 59510

>>59504
good on you anon, live your life.

No. 59513

>>59479
You don't understand the consequences. You think you get what eternity means, but you really don't.
We only have one chance at life. Objectively speaking, suicide is one of the most stupid, and I mean genuinely retarded as in incomprehensibly dumb, mistakes you could ever make.

No. 59519

>>59513
Ok, so you're a condescending fuck who like jerk over how life is so precious. You do know the planet is overpopulated, right? If I step in front of a train, it's not like the humanity as a whole lost something. But yes, you're right, i'd better suffer in vain, I'll regret being dead (oh, wait, no, I'll be dead).

I do know death is permanent. If it wasn't, I wouldn't seek it as a PERMANENT way to stop suffering.

Geez. I get I tend to be very casual about suicide but people not being able to accept death and the fact that it's a common fact of life seems so much weirder to me. Yes, everybod dies. For all eternity. And lots of people chose to end it themselves because it's their own choice. I get that death is frigthening to a lot of people but you must have very low empathy not to understand that people wanting to die is not 'retarded'.

No. 59522

>>59513
I feel like I'm reading a post from an overly optimistic high schooler who thinks most people kill themselves to "go to a better place" and not for the fact that it is a permanent solution to end their suffering precisely because they will be dead.

Not that I encourage that.
I can't comprehend eternity of nothingness because my self-preserving consciousness will always seek a grasp at life no matter the situation.
But I can understand the people whose brain chemistries and trauma persuade them otherwise.

No. 59523

>>59519
I mean I hope you don't, especially for the train drivers sake. But if you honestly feel that it is the only option available to you, you aren't scummy or weak for opting for suicide. I think it's a fundamental human right, even though it's sad to think about a person choosing it. I really hope you can find another solution anon but you're not some weakling idiot if you do end it and it's nasty as fuck for someone to try to insult you into living. All the best anon.

No. 59524

>>59504
Taylor?

No. 59527

>>59513
>suicide is one of the most stupid, and I mean genuinely retarded as in incomprehensibly dumb, mistakes you could ever make.

adjectives don't matter when you're fucking dead lmao

No. 59529

>>59358
>>59358
hello you're me

No. 59531

File: 1493771090041.png (158.68 KB, 404x337, 1490999721268.png)

>>59513
Anon, please fuck off with your "live, laugh, love" bullshit. We all get a chance at life, but what good is it if it's shit quality for some people? What's the point in living if our one life is just one long instance of suffering and nothing makes it better?

Everyone is free to choose what to do with theirs. There's nothing wrong with someone ending their own life if they choose to. Especially if they aren't getting anything good out of it. You sound like one of these assholes who thinks depression is feeling sad for a few days. Get over yourself.

No. 59554

>>59358
>>59529
guys get more counselling
You know there's no magic bullet to 'cure' you but you also know that this isn't the way it has to be. If you're leaking this while you're drunk then you a lot more processing you need to do when sober and going it alone isn't working either. I'm sorry, I wish the best to both of you but it does get better

>>59323
hella wholesome

No. 59563

File: 1493812279023.jpg (66.26 KB, 600x1200, 2f5.jpg)


No. 59569

>>59459
haha same

No. 59609

>>59435
>>59519
I hope your next attempt succeeds. :)

No. 59621

>>50979
>i think about killing myself a lot just because i'm stressed and scared about the future
>I love my husband but i sometimes want to just hop in a hotel room for a few days just to have some time alone
Actually will get a chance to have some free time alone soon though when I go visit family out of state. Thinking of taking just one of those days back home to just enjoy myself, go to places I used to go to before I moved, stuff like that.
I just like my space and it makes me an asshole
>I'm not racist but tumblr sjws have made me really wary of making friends with people from other races because I don't want my every action and expression to be policed
I've made one black friend in the past couple years and he turned out to be exactly what I was afraid of running into (and my opinion that was so problematic was the whole "It's not blackface for a white girl to get a tan" thing)

>My sex drive is so low sometimes I question if i'm just an unrealized lesbian but when it does kick in i love the cock

>Every day that passes by where i'm not working doing what i love depresses the everloving fuck out of me. I've finally taken steps to try to push into that direction but art is competitive
>I'm too afraid of what other people will think because of a lot of bullying in middle school so i've hidden my weeby loves for 15 years from everyone. The one person I let in on this was my ex who turned into an absolutely creepy weeaboo. Something is really unsettling about a straight, fat bearded man trying to talk in a kawaii desu voice unironically. He later stalked me so yeah.
>I'm such a petty cunt. My best friend since 6th grade and I finally ended our friendship a few months ago after she kept making broad statements on facebook about topics that she knew nothing about. I know a lot of people in certain fandoms hate her online and shes kind of notorious for being "problematic" only it's legit and she really is. I keep having the fucked up thought of leading a crusade against her and absolutely destroying her online presence for good, ruining her online shops and commissions and the fanbase she's been growing and slowly recovering all because of the many many shitty things she's done to me since we've been friends without apologizing once. I know a lot about her, i know where she lives, I know her family, I could do it.
Luckily i'm not that psychotic so it's more like a revenge fantasy spurned from a very long, very unhealthy friendship so i'm not going to…but boy do i wish i could..

>i hate being fat so much i keep considering going pro-ana because i'm so tired of being stressed out by food. But i know it's nothing to joke about or try to do on purpose so i'm working with a trainer instead (which is good because i'd probably get loose skin if i did lose it that way). But god, i hate my body so fucking much. I ended up binging today just out of stress and anxiety. Waiting for my husband to go to bed so I can go grind out some cardio at the gym (he's clingy and will text me the whole time i'm gone if he's not asleep first).


>I'm just using this thread to unload a lot of steam and i'm sorry for it but also grateful for anonymous threads like this because i'm so tired and so sad that i can't even cry anymore


>my apartment is so trashed and my husband invited a friend to stay the night friday. He's literally done 2 minutes of cleaning himself despite being jobless and only playing video games all day and he just hurt his knee today and can't walk so that means tomorrow I get to spend all night after the gym cleaning and getting it in order by myself. Yay. Luckily i can fudge out some of it, hide some shit in a few closets, but it's still a lot to do alone and i just want to cry because it wouldn't be this way if he'd help me keep up in the first place.


Overall i'm happy but i'm just so tired i can't describe myself as anything other than sad.

>also i'm such a faggot that if i'm completely alone i'll use weebspeak (yknow, babbys first japanese words) because its fun to pretend to be a kawaii anime girl when your life is crumbling around you

No. 59632

Sometimes I use the way back machine to read Felices old entries and stuff. I kind of miss when cows were entertaining.

No. 59651

>>59632
Me too, anon, me too. I miss the Felice milk, real bad.

No. 59654

>Sometimes I lie that I'm 14-16 to get free/discounts on stuff

No. 59656

I'm in a long-term relationship with with an ugly, small-dicked guy. He's 10/10 in every aspect except his body.

No. 59657

>>59656
in what other ways is he a 10/10?

No. 59658

>>59657

Perfect personality, confident, great cook, same taste in just about everything, great at cuddling, scholarship intellect. Everything you could imagine, but I lie to him about his looks, because I really wouldn't be attracted to him at base when I say I would.

No. 59660

>>59658
I'm curious as to how he's unattractive? Like are there aspects of his appearance that could be improved or is he just straight busted? Either way he sounds like a winner, I have massive respect for ugly confident people as an ugly insecure person myself.

No. 59667

>>59656
To be fair having a small dick doesn't mean anything in terms of sex. All of my exes had massive dicks and they couldn't make me cum. My husband has a slightly below average (it's a babydick when he's soft lol but normal when he's hard) and i cum buckets whenever we fuck.

If he's fat most of his dick might be hiding behind the fat too. My husband dropped a solid 100 pounds when we moved and started eating well and his dick has gotten bigger because he's got less belly now.

I just hate the idea that small dick = a bad thing.

Luckily he can joke about it and i've finally gotten comfortable enough about joking about it with him too.

How else is he unattractive, anon? If he's just fat and that's all just try to encourage him to work out with you. Get him to do an activity he'll enjoy (my husband likes skateboarding and wants to do kickboxing with me for instance) and he won't even complain. Once he gets the confidence you can push him to do some lifting so he can build muscle and lose the fat faster (less chance for loose skin in this case too).

If he just has an ugly everything i dunno. You gotta decide at one point if that's something you're okay with. Sexual attraction matters too in a long term relationship. If there's no attraction, it'll show eventually.

No. 59669

>>59667
Adding my own story about my ex here so you don't feel bad about it.

>be 18

>First real bf
>start dating him because he's the first guy that showed me attention
>kinda verbally abusive and unhinged but ignore it
>couple years go by and after his slut sister (she had 3 abortions in the period of time i knew her…)called me fat I finally decided to do something about it
>Try to encourage him to work out with me because he's been getting fatter since we met and doesn't like being fat (he was a skinny kid so it hit him harder than it hit me)
>Once in awhile he'll go for a walk for me
>I had a set path that was a mile long that I liked to walk
>BARELY TO THE END OF THE SIDEWALK AND HE WANTS TO GO HOME
>Won't go home without me despite the house being within sight and the area isn't sketchy despite being a poor area so feel safe doing the walk alone
>Nope, he either bitches the whole time we finish the walk or i go home with him. usually chose to just go home, which meant not finishing my walk because he'd flip shit if i went back out again
Only solution was to go to the gym nextdoor to my job but sometimes he'd get pissed if he had to pick me up after work and i took too long finishing up.

>move back in with mom at some point for a better job opportunity because we're poor as shit living with his parents and i wanted to gtfo out of there

>now only see him 1-2 times a week
>Only plays vidya when I come over
>gets mad when I do my own thing on the computer though
>starting to realize just how unattractive he is the more time i spend away from him

For me the dealbreaker was a mix of the abuse i was getting (which ruined my next two relationships as a result of me not knowing how to act normally anymore in response to conflict. over it now though) and his utter unwillingness to change what he didn't like about himself.

He'd also put me down when I'd lose heart and binge on something. He'd get pissed about taking the walk with me to the gas station an would sometimes insist we drive the legit ONE BLOCK down the street but get mad at ME for wasting gas (gas was almost $4 at the time an one gas station had a monopoly on the whole area so it rose every single day).

If he had been a better guy I probably would've spent more time trying to help him change, but ultimately it was not being attracted to him anymore (i still LOVED him though) that made me decide I really had to quit it.


Then he stalked me for awhile. Once i finally started dating another guy he suddenly texted me out of nowhere with a new number for instance. Nothing happened from it but it scared me so much i had a mental breakdown.



This more so just turned into me bitching about some baggage i'm still working through despite now being 25.

Whatever i DO need to talk about it more. It's only just got to a point where I feel safe talking about it. I spent years petrified he'd contact me if he somehow saw me post somewhere or figured out it was me.

Dude my paranoia was SO bad that when a girl added me as a friend on facebook because we're both gothy girls from the same home town, i suspected it was him posing as this girl for half of a year (Wasn't until she posted a video of herself i started to relax). This is because he DID pose as people from my high school and made up BS stories, namedropping people from my friendslist then spammed my own nudes at me.

It was fucked.

It's also why i'm a heavy advocator for not sending people nudes…Not unless you keep your head out of it anyway…My own husband doesn't even get any but he understands why even if we both know i can trust him.

No. 59701

I get a sexual and psychological rush from ratting out my coworkers. I'm in a high stress career with a lot of public power and trust and I love seeing the people I hate at work get reprimanded for being pieces of shit. My bosses love me and none of them know that it's me that's attentively keeping track of and reporting every single instance of rule violation and shitty behaviour.

No. 59772

>>59660

According to people who are no longer my friends, he's straight busted. Acne, thick glasses, a few crooked teeth, struggle almost-neck beard. Every unattractive trope you can think of, except he smells amazing.
My family has met him and berated me forever for dating him based on looks alone. Though I don't really give two fucks about what they think, I've heard that opinion enough to get that that's the label.

That said, I've become endeared to his looks over time. I just wouldn't have paid him dust if we met on the street.

>>59667

Oh, trust me. I certainly am trying. I think since we've been together he's been trying to clean up here and there. Strangely, I'm sexually attracted to his other mannerisms. His voice and brain really get me going. Luckily, he's not shy about making me cum in other ways. I mean I did say it was a long term thing.

No. 59793

File: 1494032672800.jpg (18.71 KB, 398x370, 34823493.jpg)

>>59701
Same, anon. I've only been working at my job for like 1.5 months, but my bosses already love me and come to me routinely to ask who's been fucking up behind their back. It gives me a rush knowing I look better than some people who've been working there for years.

No. 59796

My boyfriend used to be a dumb slut when we met and honestly, our sex was way better back then, I really miss it. He used to slut around due to depression and had this cocky haughty attitude when we first started banging. He lost that once we started dating because he felt pressure to fuck better, it really never got that much better. It's not really a case of him getting complacent, his whole personality changed. His pushy dominant playboy attitude totally disappeared and now it's almost like fucking a virgin. It isn't as if he doesn't enjoy it, he's just not fun at all. I don't really know how to fix it…

No. 59798

>>59621
>i hate being fat so much i keep considering going pro-ana because i'm so tired of being stressed out by food.

But anon, pro-anas are constantly stressed about food. It's just that instead of being stressed over what to eat, they're stressed about what to do to not eat. That's why they're such miserable, starving bitches.
I'm glad you're taking the right steps to feel better, but the grass ain't greener where the anorexics are. There's vomit on that grass.

No. 59799

>>59621
Most anas have the same problems you do. plus most of them don't wanna be skinny and pretty, they want to be sick dead ghosts with no sexuality.

No. 59805

>>59772
Some things are not under his control, but others are things he can change. When he does things that make him more attractive (shaving his neck-beard, for example) be sure to compliment him and let him know how handsome he is.

No. 59830

>>59796
Tell him you want him to be more dominant and pushy like before. Tell him you like it a lot and it's hot when he does it and he'll probably be into it.

No. 59884

>>59798
I know, trust me I know :( it's just at the point where I hate my body so much an eating disorder, one I've read about intensively out of morbid curiosity and know the downsides of (physical and metal), seems BETTER than being a fatty.

I feel better today than I did when I made my post though fortunately. Got back on track eating right and my measurements didn't change even though my weight did (My trainer even pointed out how loose the pants I was wearing had gotten yesterday because she recognized them from an earlier workout)

So i do feel better about it. I just get super fucking down on myself over it because i'm so sick of my body and being judged for my body. >>59799
I know they have similar body issues but i don't think you're correct on them wanting to be sick dead ghosts with no sexuality… Some might especially weird parts of tumblr that are afraid of their sexuality.


No matter how I talk I know trying to give myself an eating disorder is retarded, disrespectful to those who do suffer and can't recover from it, and dangerous. It was more or less just punctuating just how BAD I feel about myself right now.

The worst thing i've ever done in regards to weight loss was a diet pill my mom told me i should take. It made me feel sick so i stopped taking it.

No. 59891

>>59798
Plus 80% of pro ana bloggers I've seen are overweight. Just eat under your tdee like a sane person.

No. 59912

>got /fit/, went on a few dates with girls
>they all wanted to be housewives because they hated their job (being a housewife itself is fine, but doing it just to NEET it up? wtf)
>felt disgusted
>/jp/ friend links lolcow 15 minutes ago
At least some of you sound alright.
Though, some of your threads/posts are disturbing as shit.(USER HAS BEEN PUT OUT TO PASTURE)

No. 59913

>>59912
Basically, fuck off and nobody cares about your opinion here.

No. 59967

When I was like 14 I had a crush on a popular youtuber and I fantasized about being his girlfriend ugh so cringe

I even made a little Pinterest board about my dream wedding with him

No. 59968

>>59967
> ugh so cringe
What.

No. 59969

>>59967
Eh, I know women in their 20's who are just as obsessed with celebrities. At least you grew out of it.

No. 60039

>>59967
I'm 21 and have a crush on a youtuber. It's been a year now lol. He once liked my commet on instagram and I was in literal bliss for an entire week… Pathetic
It's just, in my country in a flood of catholic fanatics and nationalists and other stupid fucks, good guys are lost (do they even exist in my age range???). So when you follow a pleasant looking boy, good-natured, animals loving, tolerant and open-minded, bright and intelligent, also funny, sarcastic… ehh, just end me

No. 60236

File: 1494437185146.jpg (128.78 KB, 790x593, CHAMS.jpg)

I was one of those weeby dancer girls on youtube for a short time back when it was popular. It was a lot of fun back when I did it but looking back it's one of my most embarrassing time periods. Nothing worse than an awkward 13 year old trying to be mucho kawaii while making a commercial to the Nyan Nyan song. Also someone else used one of my videos in a compilation of sorts so it'll be on youtube forever, welp.

No. 60253

File: 1494449640574.jpg (21.31 KB, 480x360, 0.jpg)

I never told this to anyone. I used to pathologically lie all through my childhood. I was a raging lonely shut-in that played flash games and wrote shitty fanfiction all through my teens. My parents were worried about my loneliness so I made up very elaborate stories about friends and boys I met in school. Sometimes I would change something that really happened and add a few more interesting bits to the story.
Eventually I came to my senses and stopped, but I still have to deal with repercussions of my actions. Like I know the background of each lie and each and every story in depth so I never get caught up on my lies, ever.Its like the lies really happened, but only in my head I guess.
Thing is, I never forced myself to stop lying really. I guess the time I stopped was when I finally grew up and gained friends and realized that I didn't have to lie to people to make myself look more interesting. I still have to sometimes reference one of the lies when talking to my parents, but thankfully they were never super huge and I stopped before they got too serious.
It felt nice to get this of my chest and I hope that anyone here with a similar problem can overcome it.

No. 60257

>>60253
I did the same thing, and to friends as well. I once told someone my mom passed away when I was a baby. They found out it was bullshit and stopped talk to me, obviously. I have no idea what I was thinking.

No. 60258

>>60039
Oh my. Same thing happened to me, and I also live in a country like that. He usually responds to my comments but I stopped contacting him though, because I'm afraid to fuck it up. Welp.

No. 60266

I don't eat as much as people think. I'm a little chubby, so I don't really feel like its a problem. I just eat one meal a day and a can of soda throughout the day. I recently lost a lot of weight due to meds and I love the way I look and the positive attention, I want more. And if no one knows how little I eat, then I get the praise for my looks in earnest.
Also I have no friends, just my boyfriend. I'm scared of having friends but I also want one. Having a full time job could make this hard, though.

No. 60267

I'm in my 20s and have never been in a serious relationship because I very rarely get attracted to anyone. My friends laugh and say that I have too high standards but I can't help it. I've tried dating people who I'm not attracted to thinking that maybe I would start feeling for them after a while but no, nothing. I hate myself for it and I don't want to end up alone but I feel like that's what will happen now.

No. 60272

I hated my appearance so much throughout my teenage years that I would go on MorphThing and make all of these combinations of people and try to imagine that I looked like them instead. I used to keep a huge folder on my computer of these faces and of various models and actresses and just sort of look at them and wish that I was pretty.

No. 60305

I slap my roommate's dog when it's being annoying and she isn't around. I know it's a bad thing but why can't people just train their fucking pets?

No. 60309

>>60305
Try pushing it or something instead of slapping it.

No. 60319

>>60305
>why can't people just train their fucking pet

Probably for the same reason you slap the dog - because it's hard to know how to properly respond to a dog's bad behaviour. It's super annoying when people don't train their pets but tbh I think most people never really look into training and have no idea where to start. People seem to flip between extremes and either lose their rag and get angry or just coddle the animal and never discipline it ever.

If it's your roommate's dog, maybe just ask them to look into some training? I assume you're around it a lot and so she can't really complain if you don't feel like putting up with it misbehaving.

No. 60324

>>60267
I have the same issue anon, but ive never even had a relationship, im so gonna die alone at this point

No. 60326

>>60267
Just out of curiosity, what are your standards?

No. 60327

>>60305
Bc morons like you abuse dogs and think that helps train them, and not make the dog act out even more bc its scared and gets conflicting messages.

No. 60332

>>60305
It wouldn't be lolcow without sociopaths eh?

No. 60391

>>60319
I've tried asking her to do something about it but I get the whole "oh no teehee i'll get on that asap" and she never does.

>>60327
I'm the one who has to clean up after and take care of it, it's basically my dog so I can train however I want to

No. 60393

>>60391
>slapping
>training
You're not any better than the original owner.

No. 60394

>>60391
god you sound insufferable. just end your life you retarded psychopath. have fun living with being an animal abuser. i hope you never have children either.

No. 60395

>>60391
>why can't people just train their fucking pets?
>it's basically my dog so I can train however I want to
>slapping it

bruh you don't make any gatdamn sense

No. 60399

File: 1494635395553.jpg (7.75 KB, 227x200, Iriptheskin used roll picture …)

>>60393
>>60394
>>60395
So people everyday are being actually abused, actual people with lives and feelings, and none of you care, but when a filthy fucking animal with a roof over it's head and a steady food supply gets disciplined because the stupid thing doesn't have the foresight to not bark at everything and that's what makes you mad??? Man this website is so fucked

No. 60403

>>60399
that's really weird that you would assume none of us care about human abuse victims lol.

No. 60407

>>60403
Not once have any of you even mentioned it. But when someone mentions hitting a dog (not even that often, just when it's annoying me) everyone comes out of the woodwork and calls me a psychopath

No. 60408

>>60399
An animal is inherently innocent. Animals are only as awful as their owners make them. You don't punish a dog for doing what comes naturally, you train it not to do that thing. If the animal doesn't know what it did wrong you're basically just abusing it. Also if it's not your animal you have no right to touch it regardless.

I care about abuse victims but that's irrelevant to how I feel about animal abuse.

An abuse victim can take steps to leave even if it can't happen right away. An animal has no choice but to live where it lives.

No. 60409

>>60407
If you hit a dog you probably ARE a psychopath. Hitting animals is not the way you train them. Anyone who isn't a retard knows that.

No. 60411

>>60408
It's not abuse it's discipline, there's a difference. Abuse would be if I forbid it from leaving the house or if I cut off it's ear or something like that.

>>60409
Once again with the name calling lol oh wow I thought you had to be an adult to post here

No. 60415

>>60411
>It's not abuse it's discipline
Nah son

No. 60416

>>60399
>>60411
>stupid thing doesn't have the foresight to not bark at everything
If you really want us to play whataboutism, you're already setting yourself up. Slapping a baby for crying as a natural reaction is abuse, not discipline. Even if you provide all the food and toys and cribs in the world, it's still abuse. A dog has the cognitive skills equivalent to a child younger than 2. You're lucky it's not a kid who'd end up becoming a school shooter or smashing that off button for your life support.

Honestly, dude, just talk firmly to the dog and make clapping noises. It's a fucking dog. Training isn't that hard unless it's some sort of herding dog.

No. 60418

>>60399
because thats not related to what you posted about you crazy dumb bitch. and i literally mentioned human children even though that's out of the way so your entire post is invalid. get some help and stop embarrassing yourself you sick edgelord

No. 60419

Like other anons, I internet stalk a girl my S.O. had a thing with years and years ago. It's actually pretty severe and bad. I don't do anything frightening, but it is obsessive and she is completely irrelevant to our lives. I feel like I should talk to a therapist about it. I haven't told anyone this and this feels good to say, even on anon.

No. 60424

>>60416
Neither of you deserve to have an animal in your care. Wtf why are assholes even allowed to have pets if they're just gonna neglect and abuse the animal? Let the dog go to owners that aren't awful anon. It's the fucking least you could do.

No. 60432

>>60419
Dear anon, I do the same thing. I talk to my therapist about it and it's really helped me work through my feelings of insecurity. If it's bothering you, please talk about it.

My embarrassing truth is that I nearly flunked out of high school because of depression. I had a 4.0 until junior year. A week after the semester ended, I tried to kill myself. I had a lot of trauma and bullying and instability that just kind of piled on top of me and broke me. I had an abusive boyfriend that isolated me from all my friends.

I'm doing better now, but 17-20 were definitly the worst years of my life. It makes me sad to hear my friends now talk about how high school was the greatest time of their lives. It makes me feel so insignificant and pathetic when I'm still recovering from high school and it's after effects, when they are all out living wonderful and fulfilling lives. I've made some huge strides from where I once was in life. But it's still depressing to know I will never get those years back; to know that I will constantly be playing catch up to everyone else.

No. 60433

My other embarrassing truth is that I am extremely self conscious. I have to hold back tears whenever someone takes a picture of me. I hate my body, my face, my hair so so much. I will avoid mirrors as much as possible and constantly obsess over improving my appearance, as well as obsess over how ugly I am and how hopeless I feel that I can't do anything to change it. I feel like I'm worthless because I'm ugly. But I never see other people and think less of them because of their looks. I can always find something positive to say about everyone, except myself.

My therapist told me I have body dysmorphic disorder. Does anyone else here struggle with it? I guess it's an embarrassing truth for me because I haven't spoken about it to any of my friends or family except to beg for them to not take pictures of me.

Oh, and I guess here's another more light hearted one: I really love animated films and I will watch them all the time when I'm home alone, even though it's pretty childish.

No. 60437

>>60433
I went through the same thing and it's partly the reason why I became agoraphobic. I don't have those periods anymore but if I went out they'd happen again, I'm sure.

I wish I could tell you a way to overcome this but I'm clueless.

No. 60439

>>60419
I do this too tbh except my ex and I broke up two or three years ago (he was seeing her a few months before he started seeing me, and we dated for 2 ish years)
She's gotten pretty fat which I am happy about, but now she's losing weight and I feel threatened again.

kind of don't want to get rid of my restrictive eating/insecurity because I feel like I'll turn into one of those HAES ugly girls who are happy with how they look even though they look bad.

No. 60447

>>60439
Thanks anon. It feels better to know I'm not alone. I have obsessive qualities in other aspects of my life too. The thing with the girl triggered really intense bdd in me for years. I'm getting better now as I've matured, but checking on her has become a part of my daily routine and when she doesn't post I get upset.

No. 60448

>>60439
Thanks anon. It feels better to know I'm not alone. I have obsessive qualities in other aspects of my life too. The thing with the girl triggered really intense bdd in me for years. I'm getting better now as I've matured, but checking on her has become a part of my daily routine and when she doesn't post I get upset.

No. 60501

>>55322
I have a thyroid and ovary condition and gained 30 pounds out of fucking nowhere. I eat healthy and exercise 5 times a week but it's been a constant battle just to keep myself under 150 pounds. I think your fear of fat might be signs of Ana-chans.

No. 60503

>>58442
Watching magnified hair plucking and pimple popping videos have curbed my desire to pluck at myself up to 90%. You should try it too so you can give your body some rest.

No. 60504

>>58442
Oh fuck now I don't consider myself disgusting anymore in comparison. Jesus. The teeth shit is probably the worst though, take care of your fucking teeth you can do other disgusting shit as much as you want but neglecting your teeth is going to be painful & expensive soon.



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