File: 1662189597322.jpg (119.35 KB, 596x805, bestie trauma.JPG)
We were friends since middle school, but she's always tried to be the most woke person on the universe. We're both latina, I'm just half. She'd use this as a way of me not understanding the black experience, even though she was only married to a black guy??? She envied that I had more sexual experience than her, but then would brag at how good her husband fucked and liked not having the possibility of getting a disease. I was always the super skinny tall twig friend in friend groups, and she was short and chubby so she'd always whine about how I can be a model and they don't like chubby brown girls etc. She'd always compliment me as a way to whine and put herself down. Of course I thought she was really pretty and would tell her but by the next week, for years, she'd complain about how fat she was. She was the type to talk mad shit about friends not currently in the room, so I always wondered what she had to say about me. Talking about one of friends is definitely gay for her, having me say I'd go gay for her, so and so is so trashy for doing coke and finding a new boyfriend every few months, just general insecure girl shit. She was a militant woo woo person and would endlessly talk about how great xyz therapy session in Brazil would be, how great xyz stone is for bad mental energy, me facing my shadow self when I wasn't agreeing with her, all the stuff 1960s talk about. The point when she became over the top was when she divorced her husband, me having to soothe her ego was at an all time high. I didn't mind and after a year of being broken up she started trying to date again. Despite being "woke" she started to talk about the men she'd date, "Not asians! they have little dicks!", and fetishizing black men to the extreme. The friendship ended in a fricken group chat after I told her the truth when she started whining about her weight. "If you don't like how your body looks, you can fix it. You've been upset about your weight since I met you, we can do a workout regiment together like we said we would." I'm in my 30's so if you do the math we were friends for well over 15 years, and she started to talk to me like nonnies arguing with one another. Like she didn't even know me and I didn't even know her. "That is so fatphobic! You wouldn't understand, you've never been fat in your life! I went to school to be a nutritionist! I-" just me me me I I flaming me in this group chat about how awful I am. Girl don't lie you've never gotten a degree in your life. Crying about how she's disabled and I've never experienced fat shaming or whatever despite my coworkers literally commenting on my weight when I was my heaviest. Complaining about she never had guys talk to her because she's overweight, but 30 minutes earlier in the conversation she openly admitted to avoiding men unless they were online. No surprise thats where she found her husband. I got side messages from the other people in the chat asking what the fuck her problem was. It was such a stupid reason, and it really hurt that she acted like we were only acquaintances. I always apologized whenever we got in a fight, and like all the other times she of course pinned the blame all on me and flamed me again for one innocuous comment between best friends. I tried to continue to befriend her saying happy birthday I missed her etc. A month later she comes back to message me saying she forgave me for lists everything I did wrong ever This was the last straw and I blocked her everywhere I could remember, so of course she found me on instagram telling me things like hey how are you merry christmas like nothing ever happened. She sent me a happy new years message so I wrote back exactly what she wrote me the first time when I tried to apologize and fix our friendship. "Your actions helped me see that I don't think we can be friends anymore. Sorry."
File: 1662270642665.jpg (24.66 KB, 500x500, 16453464564.jpg)
I feel guilty about ghosting my best friend in college (we'd been friends since middle school). I'd been sick of her shit since high school, she was rude and judgmental to our other friends and constantly drove them away by being rude and obnoxious and blaming it on her "anxiety", thoroughly embarrassed me by loudly speculating about my sex life in the middle of class when I finally got a boyfriend (immediately broke up with him because I couldn't take the attention), and did a bunch of other little shit that weirded me out. In college she would talk all throughout lectures when I was really trying to pay attention, I wasn't as smart as her and needed to take notes and participate to retain things. When I dropped out of college five years ago I dropped her too and just stopped responding to her text messages. She wasn't a good friend but I still feel guilty for leaving because I was her only friend aside from whatever guy she's dating (even though it's not my fault she was friendless – she had other friends, they just wised up faster than me.) I think I just miss HAVING a best friend, which only makes me feel worse that I don't actually miss her as a person that much. It's strange that I have so much guilt over a friendship that was objectively not that good.
things like throwing fits if they wouldn't do specific things that made her feel loved, making them go out of their way with gifts and gestures to prove their love, and always making them feel like the bad guy no matter what happened. but the cherry on top was that i could tell she knew deep down these behaviors were destructive, but she would double down or get extremely defensive if i even suggested it so i avoided it in fear of triggering
tantrums. it was emotionally exhausting, like always having to walk on eggshells.
as for me, there have been a lot of times where she has just been dismissive of me. for example there was a period when she was super sjw and always had to be the biggest victim
in the room. she insisted that i was more privileged than her, despite the fact that she came from an extremely well-off background and never had to worry about money. she knew that my family was poor and that i never had a lot of money until i was able to get a full-time job. meanwhile, she'd say tone deaf things like casually dropping her parents being able to afford expensive things for her, but get mad if i tried to explain how that made her privileged.
one day i got the guts to summarize that, along with other behaviors, that made me feel like shit in the friendship. after that i notice a palpable shift in her attitude until she tells me she wants to call it quits. she made it sound like being friends with me was the cause of her unhappiness and didn't seem apologetic or regretful of all the ways she'd made me unhappy. i felt like shit because it felt i'd been discarded after i made it clear i didn't want to be a doormat anymore. it was like everyone in her life existed to make her feel better about herself.
I miss my best friend a lot honestly, besides my own family he's one of the people I've know the longest, I did develop feelings but he sisterzoned me sadkek, we grew up together played games together, our parents helped looked after and babysit eachother, he's helped me move, helped me with abusive bf's and helped my sisters with the same things, checks in on my dad and mom.
I don't really know how it changed just he became less cheerful and just more withdrawn, not to ruin anyones day but it ended up he was being abused by his relatives (why my family looked after him instead I think).
Now we've drifted apart a lot and he just isn't the same anymore, he's just become a shutin besides work, he's shared his depression with me and how he's always felt broken or defective (hated being touched or hugged) but therapy and meds didn't help much and he doesn't like sharing it to others.
I just want to go back to playing games together, staying up late watching scary films.
I miss it way too much, makes me just want to shake him but you can't help people like that, they need to want to help themselves.
File: 1662314408022.jpeg (40.22 KB, 540x540, いつも一緒 R 羊毛フェルト制作日記.jpeg)
I miss my best friend like crazy, I even still have dreams about her. We didn't have a falling out or anything just drifted apart and she moved away. Our birthdays are coming up (we were actually born on the exact same day and year, that's how we became friends) and I want to find her and at least wish her happy birthday but I don't have any active socials and its been so long I don't know if she wants to hear from me. I don't even know if we would still be friends now and i'm a friendless neet so I'm a bit embarrassed about my state in life right now i just hope wherever she is she's having a good life.
File: 1662316422209.jpg (119.79 KB, 1080x1080, 1657203896429.jpg)
I have a very close friend back in high school, I wouldn't say she was my best friend but we did spend a large amount of time chatting and hanging out with each other. We share the same interests and taste in everything, I was kind of a weeb back then so having friends that I can talk to about such subjects brings me so much joy. We went through everything together and I thought we were at a good place, 2019 happened, and then hell broke loose.
The shit that she put me through after that breakup was too much, I spent years getting over it and recovering from what she did to me. She publicly berated me on social media, she listed all of the shit that made her not friends with me anymore and looking back those were very innocuous things that she had blown out of proportion to make her look good. Isolate me from my friends, taunt me, and even have the balls to gaslight me that I was the abuser when she actually the one that did the abusing to me.
There were times that I feel like I should expose her, but I deleted everything because the memory was too painful for me and it was something I just don't want to look back at again. I hope karma is real because I hope she is going to pay for what she did to me.
File: 1662319099514.jpeg (58.25 KB, 400x400, 84ADA343-D253-4F31-9998-755EA0…)
i feel so guilty about the way my former bestfriend and i drifted apart, like she literally has the wrong idea to this day and its all my fault it eats away at me everyday.
>am obnoxious angry literal autist
>she's the smart quiet shy type of introvert, musically gifted
>bestfriends since primary school
>only two weird tomboyish outcasts that spoke fluent english due to older siblings ( that happened to be otakus and therefore influenced us into being ones ourselves )
>both bullied ( me for being asian and weird, her for being weird and shy )
>only really talk to eachother because nobody understands us quite like we do one another
>ffw ninth grade
>one day i randomly feel awkward approaching her for some reason on that day and so i dont
>avoid her because awkward
>never speak to her again
here is why i am certain she thinks its because of something she said
>one day tells me to not sit next to her during class as i would distract her and she needs to score high in ninth grade in order for her parents to get her a violin
>its a really big deal in my country where you take the test out of school in a random one chosen by the government with other students from random schools scrambled in classes. and you get a middle school diploma
>i leave her alone during class because i sincerely want her to get that violin as i know she has always had a passion for music now more than ever and she's smart af so i want to increase her chances to the maximum. plus she told me so obviously i oblige regardless of what i think
this is where it looks like im butthurt and this is why she believes i distanced myself from her, she doesnt believe it in an animosity way where she's angry or feels contempt for me to my knowledge because she's an earth angel but i just feel so guilty. like being offended didnt even cross my mind until a girl from my class that switched schools told me that thats why she believes we stopped being friends
i still spoke to her for some weeks after like we normally would but there are some other things that may contribute to her belief that i left her because of what she told me
>everyday since primary school i walk with her to her parents' car
>on this day i tell her i cant because my father's retarded employees are making me participate in some cultural traditional dance thing and have to go practice
>hate my life because im shy af not in a cute way but in the way that makes me have autistic meltdowns and panic attacks
>feel like i have to go anyway because parents and dont want to embarrass them, plus the instructor not only is my father's coworker's wife but also my childhood friend's mother
>say goodbye to former bestfriend and head to the practice place
>its like 10 minutes away from my school on foot
>contemplate and pace back and forth at the door at whether or not i should enter
>head back to school and find girl from my class
>hang out with her
>spot my former bestfriend's car heading away like 30 minutes after i told her goodbye which means that she probably saw me
>and probably thought i purposely avoided her
>dont bring up the subject the next day like a retard douchebag
one more thing is that that year a new student came to our school that clicked with us as she also liked anime, but she was a stacy and well, we weren't. hung out with that girl for the rest of that year as my former bestfriend did with her but separately
she very most likely thinks i dropped her because i was offended and replaced her with another. im seriously retarded af i cant believe it. like i genuinely believe i deserve to be stoned for this.
all those years of friendship with the most wonderful outstandingly talented girl ive ever known in my entire life and probably will ever known down the drain because of my simple retardation. like its unbelievable and im enraged at myself
senior year i actually planned to give her a letter i wrote with full closure and apologizing for all ive ever done beyond just this but i never had the guts to give it to her like a true retard and now i probably will never be able to. its truly sick of my part and i will never not feel guilty about this.
ive been friendless ever since but honestly i really deserve it.
i miss her so much everyday and i think about her a lot but i dont want to interfere, and she really did do so much better without me in her life which sincerely makes me feel happy for her because i do want her to thrive as a person but sad because i was bringing her down all this time. im just thankful i even met her because i sincerely wouldnt be the person i am today if not for her because she introduced me to so many of my former and current interests and she really taught me a lot as a person though she didnt have to.
i truly sincerely hope she's doing great in uni right now and in general living her best life.
File: 1662319673999.jpg (139.52 KB, 900x646, FQZuGgsXwAI63oh.jpg)
Years ago I made a friend we'll call D through my school crush at the time, C, and this was in like 2006 when MSN was king and we all had scene kid or anime Deviantarts and everything else, and back then she always had a lot going on but instead of talking about it she'd sort of lash out a lot or get really manic but I always liked her and even though for a while C liked D, I liked both of them and was happy to know them even if they did sometimes do stupid things like prank call my late dad knowing he'd get angry at me. We would talk a lot as teenagers and we met offline with C a couple of times and in a more stressful peroid of her life D would say things to me like how I should hang myself but that I'm so fat the noose would break and other stuff. I forgave her in the end and by the time we were in uni she'd message every now and then to ask how I was and we'd both grown up so much, and she was clearly working through a lot of her struggles. The last time she ever messaged me, it was asking how I was adjusting to antidepressants that I was on at the time and reminiscing about C and even this was a handful of years ago. She was always incredibly confident, smart, and not afraid to say how she felt and I always knew the times she lashed out weren't because of me, but probably something else. We had a lot of more tender moments and I'm thankful.
C messaged me in early 2021 with something that he needed to tell me, and he had noticed D had been gradually silent on Facebook and other social media, and when you Googled her name, a Wordpress would come up and on it was her suicide note and the other results was a memorial page and looking her up would result in lots of grieving comments from family- she had taken her life during the first lockdown here because she felt like there was nothing left.
I read through it, about her struggles with being an autistic woman (like me) and how she felt like time and time again all that was left was this, and how she had tried to take herself away from a package she had posted but she'd ended up having a huge argument with her boyfriend and driving all the way back home and taking her life.
I cannot tell you how it felt to find out that she had killed herself and I think about this a lot and how much pain she was in and just in general how often the brightest women on the spectrum tend to suffer the most and it feels endless. She was really smart and passionate and I don't know nonnas, I just feel for her so much.
File: 1662323475773.jpg (195.98 KB, 708x848, LauraDonnaPicnic.jpg)
This will be so long.
We met when I was 5 and she was 6. By the time we were 13 and 14, we definitely considered each other best friends. I mean, I really did, I don't know how much she did. Her parents got divorced when we were really young because of infidelity on his part and that obviously really messed with her. I would catch her in weird lies all the time, about stuff she did, places she'd been or people she met. She'd get really angry with me for calling her out lol. So I had another longtime friend, completely separate from her, he and I knew each other all my life, he lived in my neighborhood. They met once at my house when we were teens, and it was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made, honestly.
She liked him, and he liked her, of course. I knew how he treated girls he dated. It made me super uncomfortable, and I asked her to please not see him. I know it was dumb on my part but I was so upset and just thought she should know how I feel and that he was a jerk. And we had a big fight, but in the end she said ok, I care about you so I won't.
I left it at that and tried to just trust her and believe her. But then he really hurt her and she needed me so she admitted she'd been lying to me and had been dating him. I was hurt but I was way more concerned about her so I just tried to help her feel better.
Things were always so weird. I loved her so much but it seemed like she hated me so much sometimes. Mostly she was fun, and we had a great time together. Other times I wondered what I'd done to piss her off so bad. I remember once we were in my room and I think we were taking selfies together, idr, but suddenly she slapped me across the face really hard. I was fucking confused and just laughed nervously. A couple minutes later while I was talking she did it again. It made me angry and I said STOP HITTING ME. She did but it was just so weird.
A lot more happened, but eventually when I was 15, I caught her in yet another lie, but this was more serious. I broke up with her, and she laughed at how upset I was, acting like she didn't care. I told her to just leave me alone, we're not friends anymore.
Once in a while she'd send me these texts, trying to start a fight, or pretending she'd texted me on accident. I never responded. Seeing her name on my phone made my legs feel like jelly. After my 16th birthday, she left a gift bag outside my front door, with a top that had huge bra cups in it (she knew it was way too big for me), her ugg boots, a used poster, and a bizarre card about how amazing it was to watch me grow up…
I shredded the card and poster, I gave away the boots and shirt.
Stupid long story short, her meeting my other guy friend was the biggest mistake because they had a relationship again after she and I stopped being friends, and he became really abusive toward her. The cops were called once and after that, they broke up.
She and I reconnected after, because I heard about the cops being called and the abuse through a family friend. I reached out to let her know that I hoped she was ok. I never spoke to him again.
After all the years apart, and with the awful way things ended, we didn't stay in contact for long.. Things had just changed too much.
It still surprises me how much I miss her sometimes. She was so wonderful when she was doing well. We made each other laugh all the time.
I remember one time, very near to the end, she was staying the night, and she had crashed in my bed. I was up taking off my makeup and washing my face, and when I climbed into bed with her, I felt so happy. Because she had been doing risky stuff that was scaring me.. But that night, she was safe.
I wouldn't be friends with her now, 10 years later, but it's crazy to remember all the times we had together, and to think how we're just strangers to each other now
File: 1662323531688.jpeg (668.4 KB, 1142x1280, 84E82CE6-509C-46C8-AF89-B70567…)
idk how to say this without sounding mean but it brings me comfort that some of you girls have such horrifying bestie trauma. Not because it brings me joy that other girls have these unresolved feelings, it just makes me feel less alone.
File: 1662411320454.png (116.56 KB, 500x280, jajaasies.png)
A male friend I met in college, he was always nice to me and even paid things for me (we traveled to his hometown together, sponsored by him) and I always had a great relationship with his family despite me being kinda autistic. He failed to graduate, but I did. After college he just didn't contact me anymore. He says he needs time to be alone, but it's been months since we last saw each other. He has cut contact with me many times, saying he's "too depressed" to talk to me, but does talk to his non-college related friends a lot. I think he just doesn't like being reminded of failure. I also don't like being reminded of college so I get it. In any case, we parted ways in an amicable way. I hope I never see him ever again, his mom was a sweetheart though, and she's a fan of my art, so Idk what's gonna happen.
File: 1662425185577.jpeg (248.29 KB, 750x1181, 1DF6DF5D-923C-456F-9B21-344A05…)
I will just vent about everything.
I'm sad because my preschool best friend died, I was so sad I couldn't even cry. Sometimes I wonder if I had a crush on her or something, because I would always somehow imagine myself hanging out with her as adults and getting along.
But I got the news from my grandma like around 2018 or something like that, she told me that my best friend died of Leukemia when she was 18 years old and that she knew that because she was friend with my best friend's grandma.
I don't know… I remember being in highschool and wanting to reconnect with her and everything, I wonder if my parents knew or something, because that day was weird. I had even got her a cute balloon and a plushie because I was excited but I couldn't find a way to like, properly contact her or anything.
Another thing that got me extremely salty is how I lost my friends in 3th grade because I was sincere, I got asked
>Geez anonanita, who is your best friend??
And I was sincere, I said it was that one girl I met during 1st grade, so everyone got mad, that girl actually cried for some reason??… ?????? And then I had to be on my own for almost 2 whole school years because suddenly nobody wanted to talk with me.
And to this day I don't know what made everyone hate me.
The worst part is that then I had to get constantly bullied for the color of my skin, if I had had my friends then I probably wouldn't have thought much of if, but I was on my own with my own thoughts wanting to die because I still didn't know what was the meaning of suicide.
Then that fucking leech I called my "best friend" for years, I still seriously hate her, she was a fucking bitch and whenever my subconscious reminds me of her I kill her with my bare hands in my dreams.
She would make me pay for everything of hers, she made me get in fucking debt with the school's store, she told everyone about my crush on a guy I didn't even want to talk with because I was too shy He was actually nice and talked with me at some point though she would lie and lie and lie and lie, I hate her, she made me learn how to be even more secretive about whatever I feel or think.
I also absolutely despised her stupid fixation with rape, rape this, rape that, rape rape rape rape rape. Shut the fuck up for fuck's sake, if you want to say something say it, don't create weird fucking scenarios of us getting raped you dumb bitch.
And then that other girl from that school which became a best friend of mine, she stole my manga, she was extremely overwhelming to be with and talking with her was like walking barefoot surrounded by whoopee cushions next to a feral sleeping tiger.
And she honestly wasn't that bad, but hell I was tired already of talking with people, I'm glad I slowly cut contact with her, she wouldn't listen to me anyways and got pregnant with like her, I don't know, second boyfriend who was a manipulative piece of shit.
Like I don't care if you want to go to a 100 people gangbang if that makes you happy, but fucking listen to me when I tell you to fucking make sure you have condoms around and that your stupid ass dumbass fucking boyfriend isn't a fucking disgusting piece of shit fucking bastard, he fucking ruined her life.
But the friend that I considered my best friend but that obviously didn't think much of me was a neighbor I had, she would never listen to me, I told her to get a grip and to not sleep with that fucking bus driver and what did she do? Of course she slept with him and got pregnant, and what did he do? He was like
>hurr durrr but I already have 4 kids so I won't give him my last name and my wife will kill me
Jesus fuck I'm still baffled by that shit.
I'm still glad I cut contact with that toxic idiot that was also a neighbor of mine tho, I barely even say hi to her nowadays because it happened again, she was like
>Geez anonanita, who is your best friend??
And when I said I didn't like to pick sides because I lost some friends in school, what did she do? She proceeded to smash my laptop on the ground.
I'm just so sick of that shit, I just had to stop talking to all of them. I'm glad that my real best friend doesn't hate me.
I am sending you all the love and wishing you all the best, I know it's hard nonna, but it's also eye-opening and in the long run being able to recognize when we've been horrible or not mature or supportive enough is crucial for us to grow and learn. You have a good resolve for being able to recognize your actions and admit fault, I know there are probably some people in the world who will never truly change because they cannot admit they have ever fucked up or are wrong, but we have to keep moving forward and anything that we feel bad for that we should feel bad for, we have to process it and reflect on ourselves. Thank you for such sweet words, honestly it has taken me so long to get here and it means a lot. I have the same friends from before this time as well as a few new friends who I became close to and I've learned how to express my affection in much healthier ways (I don't mask anymore or try to assume people's love languages and since I got help with my personal problems they're not blinding me the way that they used to)
It started off with getting my first job, that alone gave me a lot more insight into how other people feel and how the "real world" was outside of university and opened my eyes a ton, then my father unfortunately got diagnosed with late stage cancer and he passed away so it was just my mom and me trying to navigate that grief together, and I didn't have the healthiest relationship with her growing up but it's been really moving to watch her grow and become more in tune with her feelings, I genuinely thought all NA parents were set in their ways but both that and then HER having cancer (second time last year) I think might have really made her see what she has and she verbalizes her emotions a lot better I'm really REALLY proud of her.
The first year was really strange, my first and second jobs did not give me any room to really grieve fully, I was taught to just repress it and put on the customer service smile but in a weird way it did teach me how to compartmentalize. When I got to my current job, everyone was incredible and early on I was pretty wobbly, and in my first two months there, something incredibly unusual, sad and traumatic happened that I won't say here in case there's still news articles up about it, but it was me who witnessed it. I realized how close-knit everyone here was because we all navigated it together, and my manager who already knew I had wanted therapy again (to finally talk about my father and get out any leftover things from my teenagehood that I projected onto my poor ex friends without even realizing jesus christ I was unhealthy) but because of this event, next thing was a week later I'd been directly referred to an occupational therapist with no time at all, I think because the event that had just occured was THAT sudden.
We went through everything, and funnily enough, she'd been diagnosing people with ASD for a good twenty years and she immediately clocked me and it turns out that I'm an adult woman who was struggling with a lot of textbook autistic struggles but my university therapist assumed that it must be really bad anxiety and depression and the medications I was on back then made it feel ten times worse. It's been three years almost and navigating that has tied up so many loose ends, but by the point I was referred to this therapist I think I'd found my footing with healthier friendships because after that online friend sent me a final message and blocked me I took a lot of time and space then discussed it with a couple of my closest online friends and since then I made more effort with communication and making sure I was listening to friend's feelings and circumstances enough. I think I was also fortunate to have really good friends offline who could recognize that while I'd acted shittily, I wasn't necessarily a terrible person and something that stuck with me was my best friend saying that despite everything, you know you're not as bad as you worry if you're determined to do better and you can admit your own faults and since then I've basically made a habit of admitting to friends if anything's on my mind, asking more what makes them most comfortable and because I work with really good people and get to help a lot of people who are trying to get out of more painful walks of life I think I've forgiven myself even if I'll always be upset at past me for leaving that friend feeling that unloved. I was inappropriate without even knowing I was being inappropriate and I mimicked more toxic
online friends who I had met before and it was all just a huge mess nonna, so honestly, take all the time you need and know that you're making the right step and it's okay to grieve your friend breakup and it's okay to still thank them internally for the good memories that they gave you.
This probably is a jumble of a post because I'm off a very long workshift, but TLDR: I think besides that ex friend telling me their feelings, just life happening and me becoming an adult and no longer being a teenager helped, making my own boundaries helped, and growing out of basically seeing myself as permenantly messed up because I got sexually abused when I was younger also got me where I am now. I see people almost every day who tell me some of the things that they have survived, some of whom are in their eighties and I just think that life is too short for me to not want to find as many things as possible to improve and to not cherish the time I've got with my loved ones. Nearly losing my mother a second time and watching her go through that after watching my father eventually die and never forgive himself for hitting me every now and then made me start counting my blessings in the shower and sometimes even though things were rocky some years ago I'm thankful because that ex friend's hard to swallow words were one of many things that helped me start making those changes. Sorry if this is a bit heavy for the record, I couldn't write this any simpler, but I believe in you nonna, and you are right: there is a silver lining in everything and whilst time is a great healer, we must take time to mend the things we most feel need the extra TLC, and that includes us! We have to admit our wrongdoings and find light in striving for more positive goals. Your ex friend probably knows that you both parting ways is for the best, and like mine, knows that it is necessary in order for you to grow, and you are, and you will. Don't give up nonna.
Not exactly bestie trauma, but bestie of my bestie trauma.
In middle school, I was in a friend group made up of 5 girls, more or less. One girl, who I introduced to the group, was a compulsive liar and attention-seeker who we kicked out temporarily, another was a little judgey and annoying, but the rest of us were essentially the core of the group.
One girl was my best friend's best friend, and I was friends with her as well, obviously. We weren't besties and I always felt like she didn't truly like me that much but we never fought or anything. Sometimes we even got along great and she invited me over a few times.
Well, fast forward to the end of middle school: while everyone knew I'd stay in public school and she convinced our best friend to go to private school with her. She was always pushy so I wasn't surprised even if a little saddened. We both had valid reasons to choose private or public school while bestie was undecided, so I figured it was just life.
At the end of the year, she revealed that she was glad me and the liar went to public school so she could get away from 'our' reputation of being weird and unpopular. The liar had an active reputation as a psycho cringelord but I was always just kinda weird but inoffensive according to most. She blamed us for her inability to be a stacy popular girl and thought she'd instantly join the normies in highschool. (Spoiler: no. She's just a regular shmegular girl who doesn't want to have 50 friends, doesn't like to party every day, can't flirt for shit and scarred me for no reason. Who wouda thunk it!)
Well, it took me years and years to realize I wasn't inherently cringe and unlikable. I spent years never speaking to people more than twice because I assumed no one would want to speak to me again anyway and I still struggle with self-esteem. I don't blame my bestie because she let her walk all over her as well and was put in uncomfortable situations when she was dragged into her bestie's "stacy journey" lmao.
She recently apologized to me and said she actually acted weird around me because she thought I was cool, not because she secretely despised me. I don't really care for apologies and idek what to say to her because she's still being insensitive with our bestie, which is especially immature of her given she knows every detail of her trauma and what triggers her.
Well, now that girl is also getting walked all over and actively manipulated by a girl I was briefly friends with in highschool. It's cringe to be over 20 and still think it's your responsibility to be available for 3AM phonecalls just because your friend is depwessed. Maybe she puts up with it because she's similar, kek.
Thank you so much for sharing again. I really cant put into words how valuable what youre saying is. I am >>285392
and I still have a hard time admitting that I was in the wrong in my now broken relationship but I'll keep going. I want to go back but I know that I'm not ready and probably never will be able to build that trust back that I destroyed by acting selfish. What youre saying is giving me hope. It's gonna hurt but it's gonna be fine in the end and I can do good for others. Theres no reason to continue on like I did. It's all about being kind to others and I see that more clearly now. Thank you
Ah, i saw this thread and thought it wasn't made for me, because i haven't had a best friend in more than ten years. But then someone instantly came up in my mind, and i think i've never grieved someone who's still alive as much as i've grieved her.
So, i'm avoidant. I don't bond well with people because of that and that's why my last best friend was more than ten years ago when i was 14~15. I don't have friends, i can get along with people but i never truly open because i'm ashamed of the pit of darkness that is my mind. I suffer from depression too.
But at my last job, i met someone incredible and she managed to carve her way into my heart in a way i thought wasn't possible for me. She's just so extraordinary that i'm sure anyone in this thread, no matter how different you all are as individuals, would love her. That's how insanely pure she is, you can't not like her, and i've seen it firsthand, it's not just my experience everybody loves her. It's crazy to see how loved she is.
I used to never get it when people say someone is a ray of sunshine, because most of the time they say that about people who are just your average extroverted can't-shut-up energetic type. But now that i know about her, i get it, this expression was made for her. She's always energetic and positive in a way you would think is fake, but is actually genuine, she's just so pure and kind-hearted and amazingly strong, because it takes strength to always be that positive. It takes an admirable mind. I especially know it because i fail at that myself; i'm not a positive person at all, i'm incredibly negative. I hide it so it mostly affects me, in public i fake positivity to try and blend with the normies. That's why she's like an alien to me, she's like me when i fake positivity except that you can see that in her case it's the true expression of her soul. Not that she never feels down, actually another incredible thing about her is how open she is about her feelings, when she's down she tells you and everyone in such an emotionally mature way, it's another thing she excels at that i just can't do, i hide my turmoils in shame, i lie like a fucking goblin, i'm unauthentic. She's able to just say to anyone: yeah i'm not feeling so well today, but tomorrow will be better (because even when she's down she manages to think positively like that, so precious). And you can see her cute little face is all closed off, she just wears it on her face without making it overbearing you know? I don't know how she does it but there are people who are unbearable to be around when they're down because you can feel the negativity affecting you, but her? She manages to make you feel that she's not ok without it affecting you somehow? I don't know how to explain it she's just a magical creature. And i mean it would still affect me when she was down because i love her, but i don't know how to explain it, there's something about her that is so hard to explain. She has such cute quirks that i've never seen anyone have, like sometimes i would look at her talking with coworkers and managers, and she just starts doing a happy dance with the weirdest fucking moves you've ever seen out of nowhere lmao. For literally no reason too, she's just happy. Like the manager will give her a thing to do and she says ok and randomly dances lmaoo so adorable.
I didn't even start the story from the beginning i'm all over the place, basically since the first time she was introduced to me she's always been really nice to me (like she is with anyone, but i could see she liked me!). I felt so safe around her, so loved, she's so gentle and sweet. She would call me her beauty, so cute. At some point we grew so close we would start caressing each other's hair out in the open at work, sweet little gestures like that. We would laugh because we both love the feeling of our hair being touched but men always seem to get bored of how often we demand to have our hair caressed. She's so sweet but i always saw a depth to her, and one day she confessed a really sad story to me that made me understand her more, although it didn't surprise me because i had the intuition that something difficult happened to her. I won't talk about it here because keeping her secret is important to me. At some point other coworkers started laughing with her when i was close. I realized a bit after that that she's bisexual, and i think she was attracted to me because she would comment on my appearance a lot, and the other coworkers were always making comments about us in a weird way, too. One day i don't remember why one of them said "take a shower together!" and she responsed "oh no, i couldn't" me being dumb and not reading the situation i said "ah you're uncomfortable with taking showers with friends? i don't care" and she said "no it's not that, it's because it's you and i couldn't do it without weird thoughts", i was so ashamed that she was so upfront kek. But i love her deeply and even after i realized that, it didn't change anything about the way i see her, and i know for a fact that all the kindness she showed me had nothing to do with her potential attraction, because i've seen her with others, and her heart is the same. I've always considered myself straight but when i learned she was attracted to me i started imagining cuddling with her in bed and living with her, but i'm not sure it means anything because my avoidance makes me very desperate and lonely, i'm so starved of affection.
Anyway. It lasted 1.5 year, and a few months ago i suddenly quit my job because of a depressive episode (i won't go into the reasons of this depressive episode, the post is already too long, but i was having a really, really difficult time in every aspect of my life). I just left one day and never came back, it wasn't planned, it just happened because my brain is fucked up like that. We talked by text messages a bit and i said to her that no matter what i'll for sure keep her in my life… and then i fell into such a dark pit that i couldn't even answer to her texts anymore. She would call me and i wouldn't respond because at this point she still didn't know i was depressed, i was always faking it around her just like i fake being ok around everyone. So i didn't know how to talk to her and found it easier to just ignore her, my old avoidant ways you know. She called me a lot, she started worrying, i have voice mails from her i've never ever listened to because i can't bear the idea of hearing her voice and the guilt of having abandoned her. It's a vicious cycle because i feel bad about ignoring her but the more time passes, the more i feel ashamed to even go back to talking to her, the less i know what to say and how to explain things, so the more i avoid her, and now it's been three months so it's basically over and i know i will never have the guts to talk to her again. I just can't come back and tell her something easy like oops sorry my phone died. And i can't open up about my depression, i just can't, i've never succeeded at opening up, i just can't be real, the words won't come out of my mouth. My dirty mouth just creates lies upon lies because that's how i've lived since forever, i lie and hide my true self, i perform with this normie mask on, it's automatic. So now it's too late and i will just have to continue ignoring her until she hates my guts (if her pure heart is even capable of that, otherwise she'll just forget about me). I've done the same thing to everyone else at that job, not that anyone was as important to me as her, but i just disappeared and ignored everyone and their text messages because i don't know what to say "yes hello ex-coworker, why did i leave work so suddenly you ask? oh because i plan on killing myself soon so first i have to ruin every aspect of my life that's still standing (which amounts to just my job really), hence why i've left, so that i don't have any source of income anymore and since i also don't have a support system around me, i'll be forced to die in the street like a rat and i think i deserve it because i hate myself like you wouldn't believe and think a monster like me is a disgrace to the universe, hope you're doing well say hi to everyone for me xx". Normally that's why i have this fake persona performing for me to hide my dark thoughts, but when i left this job i was so broken that i couldn't fake it anymore so i just ignored everyone and stayed in bed. I still am living as a NEET as of today, next month i won't be able to pay rent as i've finally used everything on my bank account and well, money won't come in my pockets magically.
Whatever. This life story of mine wasn't the point of this post, the point is that i've lost an incredible person because of my fucked up brain. I never deserved her anyway but i will have her in my thoughts with great remorse until i finally take my life. I wish i could say sorry, and explain to her how much i love her, because i fear she now thinks i never cared. Honestly the way i problably hurt her is another reason to just kill myself in the most painful way as soon as possible.
I love her and everything about her and i'll never stop, even her name is so cute and suits her so much. I will immortalize that feeling with this stupid post on an anonymous board, because that's all i'm capable of. I'll never forget her.
it's 4 am and i'm a little drunk so i apologize if this is a shitty response, but idk i felt really touched by your words and yes i did read it all. i don't have any advice and i know you've probably heard all of it anyways (fellow long time depression sufferer) and i know i'm just some random nona, but i'm rooting for you and want you to feel better.. the way you wrote about your friend was so sweet and reminds me a lot of my best friend that i grew apart from long ago. we kind of drifted apart in the same way and your post reminded me a lot of her damn it makes me tear up thinking about it. i wish i could just give you a hug to help you feel a little better.
well actually i do have one advice and it's that you should talk to her again, i know i know you said that there's no way but idk you simply deserve to be happy and loved and loving someone- you are worthy of that. and it sounds like y'all didn't leave off on a horrible note or anything.. maybe you don't have to open up about depression right away but start with something small. i'm sure it would make her so happy to hear from you! there is hope nona i promise i swear, the world can be so cruel but there's also people like her in it. and dare i say people like me who will root for you even though they don't know you at all. you seem kind and insightful and intelligent and i'm sure you're capable of much much more than you think. and i sincerely hope that you don't follow through with your plans. please take care of yourself. i'm not really religious like that but i will do a little prayer for you before i fall asleep. i really hope that you can hang on until life gets better and that you at least see my silly drunken words
That's okay nonna, thank you for sharing too and being honest, truthfully it's going to be difficult to admit that for a while but you want to keep going and you will keep going. It takes some time to not only move on from not being able to go back, but to accept that there is no going back. Sometimes it's going to sting, I think about how I am now and where I am now and how I've grown into someone who is much healthier and mature and maybe the me now would have been able to avoid the mistakes that the younger me made, one of the more horrible parts about our friendship was there was something that I do not remember ever doing but I know that they did and I believe them. Made me wonder just how much of the more messed up two years of my life got blurry on medications and coming out of being suicidal, the fact that I couldn't ever remember doing this thing that was shitty, but I remember many other things that I did that were shitty and about a year ago I did what everyone says you should never do: I reread our old conversations on one social media app and I was hurt at my own words, that I could have talked to this friend like that, made them feel guilty when they shouldn't and I wanted to just hug them and say better. I'm sure it was really confusing for them because there's probably memories they have of me that were genuinely sweeter but the ones that either I tainted with my unhealthy and generally shitty actions or the things that got further tainted by a misunderstanding about me that I never did get to tell them about, I really hope that they're in a better place and that they're surrounded by friends who have shown them the healthier love that I did not back then. Nonna, it's natural to have regrets and some of them will never leave you, but you'll know those are the ones that mean "Hey, please learn from me, and use me to do better and grow". Make sure you also take a lot of time to learn to be kind to yourself because we can be kinder to others but if you've got any unhealthy issues that stem from your own inability to be kind to yourself, you'll want to start there. Distance yourself from any unhealthy triggers
too while you're learning to not respond to them strongly, for me besides the home life and sexual abuse related ones one of mine was getting too involved in online dramas and getting too offended by certain things that I should have reacted too more calmly. I spent too much time on forums and boards and some of my behaviours ended up mimicking a few people that we used to see as unhealthy and I was also petty and assumed a lot of people's text tones to be angry or disingenuous even when they weren't being, but that as the mildest and least important reason was one I didn't notice until years later (it felt so good to grow out of messaging coworkers or friends after interactions to check that I had not upset or angered them, and I've had way healthier conversations with others that have made us closer)
You and I can admit that we were both selfish and we're working on becoming more unbiased people, but I am proud of you right now in the present for being able to start here.
You're going to have moments in your later life where you notice that you've grown, I've had a few now that made me thankful, after my father died and I was in my more stressful job I went on holiday with a small group of close friends and one of those friends at the time was going through some very similar struggles with expressing themselves, I noticed that we could have both fallen out if we didn't have such a good understanding of the other's social battery but instead we had some really good conversations on our bunk bed about different stressors and things in life we were trying to respond to better, and instead of ever fighting we just both went "this holiday's happening after we've both had some shitty stuff happen, we're thankful". I'm visiting them this Sunday for a day in of drawing and takeaway actually, but last time I saw them last month we reminisced about where we were mentally years ago and hearing them talk about how we got so much closer for opening up to eachother about how we handle our stresses was so warming. My other best friends are from childhood or from university but two of them saw me at my worst and I'm grateful that that online friend gave me that slap because I stopped wasting so much time being petty and unhealthy and started to think about what I could do to face my problems.
You might end up having some talks with people from your past too, you might not, I had a couple heart to hearts some years later with people from mine including a couple of people who'd been dealing with their own battles in those times and it's always motivating and reminds you that you're all human when you find out that no, you are not the only person or friend in the world who has made mistakes. It doesn't make it okay and it doesn't change wanting to do better, but it does ultimately prevent you from polarizing yourself internally and adopting an unhealthier mindset of being this messy, unlovable person who cannot change. You can, and you will, so long as you want to and you mean to. There's going to be conversations you won't get to have again with your lost loved friend, so instead I'd advise you to cherish your better ones and learn from your more ashamed ones. All of the love and apologies again for rambling, opening up to you has helped me as much as it has for you to read and I'm touched that I could help you somehow!
I forgot to add this but one thing you might encounter down the line is an intense sense of imposter syndrome. There's going to be a point where other friends will tell you that you are mature, kind, caring, loving, strong, lots of good things, they might take moments to show their appreciation and love for you, but because you have the awareness that in the past you did hurt others or you did not feel that healthy, it might be a bit of a surprise or an internal conflict to hear those words. It feels really precious because you know you've been a better friend and person, but at first I know internally I used to have alone time after and I'd ask myself "did I just trick this friend into thinking I'm kind or good?" and eventually as time goes by you'll grow out of it and you'll be able to think "I used to be an unhealthy friend, but I'm really grateful that I've become someone who makes my friends feel this loved and warm". Please remember this, it's so important and helped me so much! There are a lot of incredibly lovely people in the world and when someone does show their appreciation and love for you they absolutely mean it. Start taking it as a sign that you're showing your love and feelings in healthier ways and don't be afraid to open up to them if they're comfortable for you to open up! I made a close friend a few years back who knew me just as I left uni but got close to me I'd say just after my father passed away and I cried for hours multiple times from happiness when they sent me letters to talk about cute memories with them and we've seen each other go through a lot but we're both older and made friends in our early 20s so I can remember crying when it hit me that I was in fact, expressing my love healthily with this friend and others. I told them about my more ashamed past struggles and my past mistakes too but they told me that even in the time since we had met they had watched me grow so much so their proudness always makes me tear up, you'll still be sad that you hurt someone special to you in the past but you'll look forward to your future when that present moment of accepting that you HAVE grown comes around. You can do it nonny
, and when someone important to you turns around and tells you how strong you are to them, don't be afraid to thank them and don't be tempted to insist that they're not seeing you properly: they're saying it because they see all of you and they appreciate your strength in facing your issues and want to show their love. Show love and happily take in love, and thank the people who are no longer in your life for the love that they gave you even back when you weren't reciprocating it in ways you'll wish you had. I've got that friend's old arts and sentimental messages and I try not to look at them too much but when I remember their words and our more positive memories I'm thanking them internally for encouraging me and believing in me even when I didn't and couldn't, and I'm sorry to them for hurting them and failing them in times when I was meant to have done them much prouder. Maybe you have some memories, words and things from your lost friendship that are really painful to look at right now but maybe keep them somewhere so in time you can smile at them again.
My childhood best friend just sort of dropped off the face of the earth and nobody has any idea where she went and how to contact her.
We met in elementary school. We were both bookish art girls who hated boys and we hit it off right away. I was always the more hot headed one, she was the more mild-mannered and mature one, and we worked very well together in that regard. She lived right around the corner from me and every summer we'd go to each other's houses and spend every day sitting on our bedroom floors, writing and drawing and reading together.
As we got older, into high school, we drifted somewhat and ended up in different friend groups because she became an ambitious overachiever while I ended up as a rebellious stoner. Even though we didn't talk as much as we used to, we still used the affectionate nicknames we used for each other as children, and we'd still turn up for each other whenever one of us was going through a particularly bad time.
After our senior year of high school she got rejected from her dream school, and Ivy League school, and just completely withdrew, deleted all social media, and nobody has been able to get in contact with her since. Her other friends and I tried to call her and email her and even stop by her house but she never responded, when we rang the doorbell she would never answer.
One of her friends saw her in a restaurant a couple years back and tried to talk to her but she ended up just quickly packing her things and leaving.
We wrote and illustrated tons of stories together when we were young. I found some of the journals where we wrote our stories a couple years ago when my parents were cleaning out my childhood home and I ended up curled up in my bed and sobbing for hours after that, with these journals clutched to my chest.
I left enough voice mails throughout the years, before her number disconnected, that surely she must have listened to one of them. I have no idea why she cut contact with everyone, no idea if it was related to her getting rejected by that school or not, but whatever her reasons were I'd forgive her in a heartbeat. Even if I haven't spoken to her in a decade at this point, and even if I never speak to her again, I'll love her for the rest of my life.
Oh nonna nothing about what you wrote is shitty and "silly drunken words", actually i didn't think anyone would read the wall of text i've vomited so it means a lot that somehow you found the strength to read it all. I'm so sorry you suffer from depression too, i wish i could also hug you. Thank you for your kindness to me, it means a lot really, you are so adorable for wanting to do a little prayer for me, really.
The thing is i'm so set in my ways, so convinced of my lack of worth and deeply ashamed of who i am that i can't even start to think about trying harder and doing a nice thing for myself, just being a normal fucking human and contacting her feels like climbing a mountain to me, and it's like i don't have the equipment in this life to achieve this kind of fit. That's also why i never open up; because then kind people like yourself waste their time on me trying to convince me to do the right thing (that i know is the right thing, that's the worst part!), but i just can't do it. I'm a waste of a human, and it's really annoying to give advice to someone as stubborn in her bad ways as me. But thank you, i'm sorry it made you think about the old friend you lost too. Sometimes it's as simple as reaching out, huh, but it can be so hard.
hi sweet nona i am back with a slight hangover.
i feel like a waste of human life too. like really most days i lay in bed because im so tired and whenever things get hard i just give up break down and cry. the only reason i'm living well and kind of getting better is because my family pays for everything and takes care of me. but im sure you wouldn't agree that im worthless because of that right? well maybe haha but my point is i don't see you as a waste because of your faults. and i promise you kind people don't think they are wasting their words/advice on you just because you're stubborn. you're a human and you deserve to hear nice things and words of comfort even if they don't amount to anything tangible. i know that i can't convince you of anything but i just want to put it in your head that you really can do those things that feel impossible. i know you're convinced that you can't and that you have no worth but that's only the way you see things. and i don't doubt that it's the depression creating these illusions for you. i'm really sorry i can't help more because i know how it is. i've tried to take my life twice and it was only years after the second time that i realized i want to try to live a good life because i'm gonna die one day anyway.
i promise i'll keep you in my thoughts and i'll say this once more- you deserve a friend like her and it is possible to talk to her again. i truly hope that you can find some way to do that or at least take some baby steps towards doing it. i know there's not much i can do but i really wish you a long and happy life nona, you are worthy of it
Of course you're not worthless because you're getting helped, how can you make it in this world without any help, even without mental illness life is so full of turmoil, everyone needs help. I would gladly accept to be helped in another life, if i had a family or anyone worried about me really. But i don't, that's why i'm so tired of fighting through life, countless traumas and my disordered behavior wreaking havoc around me. I'm sad to hear you attempted to take your life, i'm glad you're still here and i can't imagine how glad your family is, too. It's comforting to read that you're getting better, you seem to have come so far although i'm sure some days are harder than others. Your outlook seems pretty positive and you're able to have helpful words for strangers online, that seems like a huge achievement to me.
Again thank you for your kindness to me. I appreciate it even if i know i'm too far gone, it's a little bit of human warmth and it makes me remember what life used to be a few months ago before i broke down completely. Nowadays i don't go out or talk to anyone so i forget what it's like to have humans be nice to you. Take care of your hangover.>>286503
Yes i have and it fills me with shame, it actually makes me want to avoid talking to her even more. Stupid avoidant logic, you know. I'm a coward. Also it's like why would i waste her time by coming back into her life again when i'm sure i'll either isolate myself again or kill myself for good, which would bring her pain again. Better to leave people once so i'm definitively out of their life, instead of starting a vicious cycle where i always end up disappearing again, or slit my throat or something. I mean even when i open up online like i'm doing now i'm ashamed of how negative i am so imagine having to carry the burden of this constant negativity IRL. If she knew what goes on in my mind she would either be disgusted or extremely worried about me all the time, and i don't want that.
i feel you nona.
my best friend went down the gender rabbit hole too and i feel like i barely know her anymore. she insists i have to use "they/them" pronouns, gets angry when i assume someones gender, or when i express any neutral stance on her scathing anti-capitalist tif opinions. she went down the "i'm bisexual" to "im queer" to "im gay" to "im a trans enby" even though she's only ever presented and benefitted from society as a woman and only ever dated men. hasn't even kissed a woman but has rainbow and trans flag lanyards stuck on every one of her bags and talks about cisgendered straight people with disgust.
i think we're in the same boat because…she barely even knows who i am anymore. hasn't bothered ever to ask my opinions on things as i get more and more distant with every change. if she ever bothered to ask me about my thoughts and eventually found out im radfem, she'd vomit and kick me to the curb. so i've been pulling away so slowly. yesterday she called and i let it ring the full time before going to voicemail. it really sucks.
happy belated birthday also, nona.
Thank you so much for these thoughtful advices, anon. I'm >>285574
and it's making me feel a bit better about my breakup especially since I've been loathing myself a lot lately. At the same time your post made me sad as I now have to face the reality that I can never fix our broken relationship and I just have to accept that it had to be this way in order for me to grow. It feels like I'll always carry this guilt with me forever—the guilt that I've hurt the one person I love the most—and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself unless she forgives me too. I want to tell her how much I'm sorry, how much she means to me, but I know the right thing to do is respect her wishes that she wants nothing to do with me anymore and let her move on from me. A childish part of me wishes I lived in a perfect world where people and relationships weren't so complicated and we can go back to how things were like before.
It's strange how I relate to you so much. I was also involved in toxic
online communities and was a hostile, reactionary person who's guided by their own emotions and biases. Not to say that online toxicity made me a shitty person, but rather my personal nature has made me drawn to online toxicity. It's easy to admit you've done a shitty thing but what's really difficult is recognizing your core is rotten. It ruins your self-esteem and destroys the image you've always had about yourself. I was an unempathetic person, always dismissing my friend's concerns, and taking the worst stance and dying on that hill to defend it. All these ended up hurting her in the end. I also reread our past DMs recently and I couldn't believe what an insufferable person I've been. I always deflected blame on her and I made her feel guilty even when she shouldn't be. The way I've felt how sad and hurt she was over text, which I had not been able to comprehend during that moment in the past, I wanted to give her a hug even though it was my past self who made her feel like that. I still don't know why I acted so awful to her and I'm still processing my feelings over all this since the breakup was recent. She also suspected I might have ASD due to my failure to empathize with her pain but I don't have other traits of autism so I doubt it. I'm glad I'm able to find other people in this world who are also going through this. I feel less alone in my struggle and reading your posts made me hopeful for the future.
thank you for taking the time to reply to me!.. and thank you for your words as well. i suppose there's really nothing i can do but you seem so kind and sweet and i'm so sorry horrible things have happened to you… i'm glad that i could give a little comfort. it just hurts to think that the world might lose another beautiful person too soon.
i hope that whatever happens in your life nona that you'll be able to find peace and happiness someday and maybe see things differently.
You're my very, very best friend. For every single one of your birthdays I spent all of my money and time to make you the happiest girl in the world. I taught you everything you wanted to know about my hobbies to become good at them, I am still happy when you heed my advice and do your own thing. When I got a boyfriend I made sure that you never, ever felt like you were a third wheel, rather he was. When we made a song together I spent every waking moment of the week after trying to get views for it, so when you'd check it next time it'd be the way you want it to. I flaked on potential partners just to hang out with you, even though you got me into trouble with law and later on mental health. When you told me about your problems, I tried to crawl out of my skin and search for any possible way to help, to save you.
You've never done any of this for me. You'll never do any of it, even if I told you all my grievances. And now, when you're on the brink of being kicked out of college, 3000 dollars in debt, with your relatives openly shaming you, meanwhile your boyfriend is jumping job to job because he's lazy, all I can respond to you "I support any decision you'll make". If in the past I were to dig for salvation, now I wait for you to dig your own grave.
That's okay nonna, thank you for sharing too, and for being honest about the place that you are in, you will find your way out of these biases against yourself in time and I hope I haven't stung you too much, I just wanted to be honest that it might hurt to lose someone special but respecting their wishes and letting them move on is all we can do. You're allowed to miss them and you'll probably think a lot about what you could have done differently, but it's part of how we learn because the point is we didn't while the friend was still in our life. Don't feel guilty for missing them but know you're doing the right thing by respecting their wishes and boundaries and that they've probably decided that it's ultimately best for both of you as well as themselves.
It's crazy how much our behaviours manifest with online communities! Like you I wouldn't say it made me act shittily, but it definitely affected my interactions with people over the internet and I was really really TMI as well. I don't think your core is rotten nonna, I think that's a particularly harsh self-perception that comes with guilt, but the day you realize that you are NOT the manifestation and accumulation of all the negative things that have happened in your life, and that you do, in fact, have the power to change yourself and ultimately become a stronger and kinder person in face of those things, that's the moment you recognize that people are human and not inherently completely good or completely bad, and if we become toxic
, negative, absorbed in anything unhealthy? It's our responsibility to inform ourselves and be self-aware because it means something somewhere needs to change. I really feel for you on deflecting blame and the way we read their texts and don't calm down and take them as an attack rather than the friend reaching out and trusting us with their emotions, we have to make up for that and not do that again. I know right now that you're still processing all of this and it might take a while but I'm glad that this thread exists and that you can air your head somewhere neutrally. Sometimes I kind of wish I had stopped to do this more because back then I really let myself believe that the world was against me and it made me really ignorant to the fact that despite my circumstances, that friend and my other friends cared for and believed in me, and what did I do? I didn't deal with my problems healthily and I took them out on them and I took anything and everything anyone said as a criticism when really, they were just concerned about me and rightfully so.
ASD can make the lines between certain abilities to process "the bigger picture" more difficult, but people with ASD aren't necessarily unable to empathize or learn how to, I guess sometimes in the short run? I was always hot-headed and too quick and jumpy, and maybe that's because of the people I was around before but it didn't make it okay! I think you can learn to be healthily communicative though, I know back then it was really hard for me to sit and slow down and do the rational thing which was see past my stupid paranoias and understand that this close friend and other friends were going through lots of stressful things too. I don't think this is an excuse, but it helped me explain it to myself when I was processing it that the events leading up to me getting more and more unhealthy absolutely were things I was trying too hard to be present during and I wish sometimes that like this friend and others, I had taken some time away from the internet and dealt with those things first, or maybe just said "Hey, I really appreciate your message, right now I know I'm not mentally in the best place so I will get back to you at a later point but I wanted you to know that I had read your message and that I send my love" or something, not rush to always reply no matter what mental state….I had a couple shitty experiences with men in my mid teens and also my home life and that close friend was always so supportive but I know that I overleant and the me then hadn't learned boundaries or how to see the bigger picture of other's situations. I'd say I was very selfish with that and it probably confused those friends because we had better memories, maybe you have some stresses or traumas of your own that you're still navigating nonna, I want you to know that's okay and I recommend taking any space or time you need. Don't get caught up in anything mentally straining, ignore anything that's harmful or trying to get a rise out of you if you do have anyone abusive
in your life, seek help on how to help yourself and in turn others, and don't let yourself think you're rotten or anything, but I know right now it's going to feel like that.
People and relationships ARE super complicated at times, especially if we've unintentionally made them so, so I really feel you on that. There is lots we can do in order to have better understandings of each other though, so that at least even if there's a lot of shit happening in the world and there's lots of complications happening too, at least we can grow together as people.
You'll get there nonna, and I'm sorry if reading my post before was quite a sad one, I'm aware that this is still fresh for you, whilst for me it's been years now. I promise that it gets better, it's a slap in the face most of us need at somepoint, and if it isn't a slap in the face that we need to be better people or friends, for someone else, it's a slap in the face that they need to be more adjective here or adjective here, everyone's got times in their lives where they have to wake up and smell the coffee a bit and think "Oh shit, yeah, I fucked up, that's unhealthy, let's do something about that".
I will give you some more positive writings here to make sure you know that there is so much yet to come even if right now it's all going to feel like a lot: I'm closer than ever to my existing friends from back then because of the aforementioned reflections and therapy, I don't get panic attacks anymore over the things I did before or react bitterly to those things, I thought I'd NEVER love or trust another man again as the last man I truly loved tried to *
* me in my sleep and got back into drugs and basically dumped me and ran and it turned out he'd cheated (I should not have aired that ANYWHERE that fresh, holy shit did I need to just message a friend or two and stop posting everything, bloody hell) but years have gone by and I'm in a workplace I really love that I can do my loved hobbies alongside, I've got healthy and warm relationships with my friends and I don't feel like I've hurt anyone or crossed any boundaries in years now which is really refreshing, and last of all, I fell in love again and I'm in an incredibly good relationship with my partner of two years, he is the most lovely, hilarious and caring person and neither of us expected to meet eachother or end up loving anyone but here we are. I've had chats before with him and friends about these past things I am less proud of and I can say this: everyone's got their moments and mistakes that they're ashamed of, and you aren't alone. The most healthy and mature people you meet weren't just born patient or understanding! They've probably had their own battles and losses too. I'll keep an eye out for you in her nonna but I want you to know that you're making the right steps and please take all the time that you need to process and grieve, in time you'll be able to smile over the better memories, and the things you wished you'd done differently, you'll remember and always be mindful and considerate about with yourself and others in the future. Hang in there! You've got this.
You might also go through thoughts later down the line of wanting to indirectly reach out or make things up to people btw, but if they've cut you off it's good to remember that any form of contact is going to be crossing their boundaries and can actually come across as quite alarming and very selfish. Adding this because I know a year or so passed and sometimes I'd be thinking still of all the things I wanted to apologize for or for them to know, there was another friend of ours who I was really selfish and thoughtless towards too and for a while I wondered if there was any line of work or ways I could try and help people in similar situations even though I wasn't able to show either of these people any help at the time. Never let myself nor wanted to contact the close friend or this other friend and never will because that would be really wrong, but you will still get moments where you're reflecting and you're processing lots of things you were selfish about or not attentive enough to and my advice is to be very mindful towards others in the future who are in similar positions or situations and you'll be more and more informed. Even though years have gone by and I don't let my brain delve too far back into regrets I still have come to understand in retrospect those people's feelings and situations much better but am totally aware that I didn't at the time and that I felt shitty for that. But starting with helping yourself is crucial and reanalysing yourself, get any help that you need, take time away anywhere if need be, if there are things you don't understand or comprehend, don't be afraid to read about them or do your research so you can be more informed and have more empathy and knowledge. I work somewhere now where I meet a lot of people who are older or in pretty difficult situations and it honestly helps me as much as they say it helps them to listen because you learn so, so much. There's stuff I'm really bummed that my dad never got to teach me, getting a bit teary-eyed because some of the regulars who come in are in their seventies and like funny uncles, but I think he'd have felt the same and he'd have wanted me to, like you, not see myself as rotten-cored but just be open to listening and learning more. You're going to miss your loved friend understandably, but they're letting you go out there now and help yourself.
same as, >>286755
, once again i keep thinking and obsessing over this shit.
basically i haven't entirely lost my friend or the friend group she/i has/had, we're just drifted apart and it kills me that we are not close anymore. it would be easier if they were completely terrible people, but i love them, yet i don't know if i can keep these people in my life for my health's sake.
i have ruined my life because of this shit. we've known half of my life, and last decade has just been this slow burn with many good moments but too many moments of me crying after them and wishing and begging that i could be close to them again. asking them what are they doing, being ignored, asking if they wanna hang out, ignored, me trying to think that i need to step away, then we meet and hang out and have amazing time and i think i can keep doing this, i can be their friend from afar and see them from time to time.
and then i see them together, i get jealous, i obsess over them, why aren't i there with them, who are they with, why did they go to some party without telling me when i asked if they were going there, i need to distant myself from them, we meet again, i fall in love all over again, the cycle continues. i read my old diary entries, years and years and years worth of mulling over this exact same stupid shit, i keep thinking if i wasn't raped and i didn't become the person they want to distant themselves from where would our relationship be now, i dropped out of school because of this, i got my life in other ways fucked up because of this, instead of focusing on living i just obsess and mull over them inside my head and keep crashing and burning mentally over it. and they don't know the full extent of it because i'm not crazy enough to spill my insanity to them, so i can't blame them because i should talk but how can i, i can't force anyone to be my friend, i should just take the l and move on. obviously they must know i would like to see them more often and talk to them more often since i still post on our group chats, ask if they want to meet, just to be mostly ignored. i think they hate me but when we actually meet we have fun and i think i guess they don't hate me after all.
i love them and i would love this idea of having these life long friends with whom i could think back our life, our memories together, but i just don't know if i can keep doing this. on other hand there is this huge sunk cost fallacy, i've spend so many years with them, we have so many memories, did i really fuck up my shit for nothing if our relationship is unfixable.
i am honestly happier when i don't even think about them but every time i see their name, their icons, the group chats get livelier again, i just rewind the record and it all starts again.
File: 1662857896128.jpg (437.72 KB, 1280x1400, 1618669884910.jpg)
Dumb story about trauma of feeling betrayed by a best friend
>be awkward, friendless child from broken, abusive household
>struggle to make friends through your entire youth because everyone thinks you're weird and awkward
>make first genuine friend during freshman year of high school
>feel ecstatic to finally have a BFF and do fun BFF things together
>junior year of high school
>boy that I had a crush on in the 6th grade (met through extracurricular activities) transfers to same high school
>boy starts spending time with me at school, sitting next to me in every class we share, starts contacting me outside of school through social media
>omg, he might like me. no way!
>several months later
>sleeping over at BFF's house during spring break
>talk about boys, confess that i like transfer boy and I think he might like me too
>BFF tells me he's ugly and my taste is bad
>2 days later
>BFF posts a photo of her and transfer boy on social media [they'd never spoken prior]
>BFF calls and tells me that she blew him
>transfer boy stops sitting by me and talking to me
It's been years and I've only started processing it. I'm not hurt because I didn't end up with the guy. I'm gutted that the first person I ever considered a close friend would go behind my back like that and it took me a long while to open myself to other close friendships. It wasn't until a few years ago that I started to realize how cruel she was towards me for most of our friendship.
I'm happily married now to a wonderful guy and met a new BFF who goes above and beyond anything I could have hoped for in a best friend and I love her dearly.
File: 1662861240126.jpeg (93.96 KB, 675x1200, B1CE03AA-0304-48D3-AA37-EFE2AB…)
>me at 19
>first real office job
>girl there is drop dead gorgeous, smart and everyone in the office loves her
>talked to her and we get along immediately. Legit next day she’s saying I’m her best friend
>I’m super flattered cause I think she’s so cool and I feel super special
>I personally have a best friend and other very close friends from years ago though
>work friend always gets mad when I mentioned my other friends. She told me she hated my best friend (who she doesn’t know and never met) and asked me to stop talking about her for good and tried convincing me to stop talking to her too. Saying that it just wasn’t fair that i was her best friend and she wasn’t mine… by this point we are like 20 i think
>never liked anyone i dated. I’m bisexual but mostly date women, but she never liked this. She said i seemed like a fake bisexual and that she could never picture me in a serious relationship with a woman… even though I’ve had a gf of many years and she’s never dated longer than a year or two… and she was also bisexual but never dated women so what the fuck would she know
>she only dated ugly butt fucking ugly moods, and had super toxic relationships. She refused to date men who were her age and told me that she could only take men who were at least 10 years older than her seriously. She was also a full blown dominatrix and she explained that she liked being the pretty one in the relationships so that’s why she went for the absolute ugliest scrotes.
>drugged me a few times without my consent, where we would be chilling and she would tell me that she was giving me X and then it turned out it was something else. I actually explained that she couldn’t do that, because i take medications and I can’t just be experimenting with drugs like that cause its dangerous. She laughed in my face and said i was boring. I just started offering my own stuff when we were hanging out, because I didn’t trust them shit she had. I actually don’t like drinking or weed, but i bought that for her cause she was addicted to both and needed to be on something or she started going crazy. Now that i cut off contact I don’t think I’ve used alcohol once in at least a year. I did stupid shit just cause I didn’t like being uncool in her eyes.
>she wasn’t skelly but she was obsessed with her weight. She legit talked about weight and diets every single day. I asked her to stop once cause it was kinda stressing. And she got me this illegal drug (at least where i live) that’s basically like meth but lighter… its to lose appetite and lose weight really fast. She gave me i think like a pack of pills and told me that she always used them when she was struggling with her self images. I took them, cause i thought it was like snake oil or some shit. But then i looked up what they were on the internet and holy shit those pills kill people. I asked about it in some forum and a girl straight up told me they caused her mother to have a stroke. I was like WTF why would my friend give me this. I told her but she dismissed it because she said she had used them for years and years and she was fine
>she got pregnant by her ugly ass moid. She was completely against abortion so she had the kid at 21. During her pregnancy she used weed everyday, and also used those meth things at times. I obviously thought it was fucked, and i tried talking to her about it but she told me i was misinformed. The moid also got really mad at her for this but she never stopped.
>One of the last times we were hanging out together. She called me the next day and she tells me her moid was mad at her. Apparently her moid thought she was cheating on him with ME. Which… I had a gf at the time and I never ever expressed any romantic shit for her. I have no fucking clue why her moid thought we were having an affair. She was busy with work and her baby all the time. She probably told her some weird shit about me since she is very manipulative to everyone. But I still found it super odd. Her moid forgave her some time later for our imaginary lesbian affair.
>She gets more and more controlling about what I can say to her. No talk about gfs or friends or anything she didn’t like. No complaining about things she liked. No oversharing my shit but always had to give her advice about how to deal with her family. Buying alcohol and weed just to have for when she visited. By this point we’ve been friends for years, we don’t work together anymore but we do still talk a lot.
>I got raped at a party that i threw in my house. She was the first person i told because she lived the exact same thing few years ago and told me about it. She told me i wasn’t actually raped. That I was wrong and I didn’t know what rape actually meant. I remember vividly crying my heart out as she emotionless keeps going with her speech. She keeps giving me moid talk about how being black out drunk doesn’t mean i was raped. And that her rape was real because duh duh duh but mine wasn’t and that i needed to be a grown up and take responsibility for sleeping with him. I remember that i stopped crying cause she wouldn’t stop negging me and i just told her yeah i get it our situations were different… and never mentioned the rape again. All my other woman friends believed and supported me when i asked for their help… She, who literally lived the same thing, was the only one that argued how her rape was real but mine wasn’t and I consented by getting drunk near moids. Which is not how it works obviously
>she also constantly pressured me into moving in with her. She insisted that i was a bum for living in my moms house still and that i needed to be a grown up like her. So she begged and begged and begged for me to move in with her and her ugly ass moid. I always said no, not because I wasn’t ready but because i always found it very strange. We were already very close but I didn’t see why she negged me that i needed to move in with her to be an adult.
>invite her to my birthday and explain its just a small get together thing. She says no because that sounds boring. But that we can celebrate just the two of us later. I’m okay with this, because everything has to be her way. Post a few photos from my birthday on social media. She ghosts me for a few days. Doesnt talk to me the day we were supposed to see each other
>She finally texts me. Says she had to ghost me because she was really upset at my behavior. I’m like girl what… She explains that she saw that i posted a picture with my best friend that she hates in my birthday and that it hurt her feelings. She says that she thought it was fucked up for me to post those pictures and caption it
>”Thank you for the happiest birthday of my life!”
>She says that when she saw that it upset her and that it was obvious that i only said that to hurt HER. And that it was fucked of me to post that when she didn’t go to the birthday party… even though she literally rejected going…
>”I’m not going to apologize for having fun or for having other friends. You’re trying to manipulate this but I’m not stupid I can see what you’re doing”
>”Are you really going to do all of this drama over this petty shit, nona” (she said this even though she literally started it, yes)
>It’s been two years
>Haven’t missed her company once. Realized i only liked hanging out with her because she was the cool girl at work. But not cause there was a real connection. Oh well
File: 1662924524168.jpg (60.6 KB, 1080x722, nytxmk80t3981.jpg)
Wow. This was also my relationship with my ex-BFF. Let's be pals and commiserate.
I'm not even sure it was a best friend, but it was the closest thing I ever had.
>Met her on the bus in grade school - I was one of the few people actually nice to her apparently
>began to hang out a lot, talk a lot, be emo together throughout middle school
>she would be a bitch to other students and be really clingy to me, which I later found out was the reason everyone avoided me because they were wanting to avoid her
>she'd get pissed at my inability to ask guys out and whine about not having a boyfriend
>i'd get pissed at her asking every dude out that would show interest and then whine about boy drama
>She would tell me I would be lonely forever, die alone, etc but reassured me that I'd always have her, so I clung to her
>when boys would show interest in me, she would swoop in to date them
>she would bully me by not letting me off the bus unless I kissed her, or try to make me kiss other girls
>get my first BF at 18, and once I started going steady with him she began always inviting him to her place without me
>of course, she manages to fuck him (before I even did lol)
>I only find out from my BF though, not from her
>being sick and twisted I decided not to tell her I knew and kept being friends with her to see how long she would lie about it
>it took ~5 months, and she only came clean because my BF told her I knew about it
>we kept on friendly terms for a little while longer mainly because I had literally no one else
>I think it slowly ended when I told her BF that she cheated on him with my BF, and she became more distant with me
>For a year in high school I had to be homeschooled due to illness, and she told everyone I was pregnant so when I came back a few months later she then proceeded to tell everyone I aborted
>When I came back she acted all buddy-buddy, but I give her the cold shoulder
>We move apart, I take the opportunity to drop her from all contacts even going as far as deleting social media to avoid her trying to contact me and guilt trip me to hang out again
I can't say that I miss the ridiculous amount of drama. But she was probably the only close friend I have ever had. Even if our conversations were a lot like the depression Olympics. She has been the only person I have ever been able to talk to in any meaningful way about difficult or taboo topics, and I do miss that. Yet it stirs up a lot of terrible feelings just writing this up.
File: 1663144230165.jpg (99.9 KB, 818x864, apu1.JPG)
I don’t want to go into detail about my ex best friend and how we split apart because I’ve happily moved past and don’t want to reopen old wounds. A while ago i did check on her. She’s nonbinary now and goes by he/they pronouns and I’ve peaked a bit. A part of me wonders if we never split would she still have identified this way? If she did, would I have stuck around?
This is a safe space to say it out loud I guess. I miss it. I don’t know if I miss her, but I miss what we had. One time she gave me a photo of us covered in heart stickers and I cried thinking about how much love and care she must have had placing every little sticker on the picture. I want that again but I don’t know how to be vulnerable with someone like that again.
She kept complaining she didn't have anyone, so I constantly felt bad about it and always took whatever she said or did to me. I introduced her to more people, assuming she would get better, she didn't.
She kept lying to me, she kept hiding stuff from me, she kept dismissing how badly it hurt me, and any space I asked for was met with agressiveness.
Now I regret ever introducing her to my friends, she's turned a lot of them agaisnt me, I feel so betrayed, so hurt. I don't think breaking up with a partner would hurt like this. I miss her so much, we had so much plans, we spent a lot of good times together. I feel so lonely.
It was the first time I experienced a somewhat healthy girls friendship, and it ended so bad just because I couldn't stand her making me cry all the time.
I don't think I will ever have the trust again to have a friend like that, I'm scared this is just gonna keep repeating all the time.
we met in my junior year in high school, in an art class. we bonded over our fujo interests and general otaku-lite bullshit. she was in a grade lower than i was, so when i graduated i didn't see her for a while. we reconnected at our local college a couple of years later and things were pretty good.
but then some shit happened and i was in a pretty bad place for a while over family stuff–ended up a NEET for a few years, with extreme anxiety and depression and all that good stuff–and while i wasted away in my room, she was around to play games with and to talk. sometimes we'd sit on the phone for hours talking fandom or just sitting in the company of each other while we did our own thing.
the thing about those calls with her, though, was she only ever really called me when she was going through something. she came to me when she wanted a distraction from her problems, and i was more than happy to oblige since i was pretty alone for much of my day to day life and she was my best friend. looking back, it really wore me out, playing the feel-good friend when i was so miserable myself, but i managed somehow. eventually, i would get involved with a few of her friends through voice chat in a game we all played together. you know, trying to get along with people. even joined their clan so it was easier to communicate. but then she started acting jealous. okay, i'll just stop talking to them as much. or at all. you know what, i'll just play offline so i don't get in anyone's way. and then–oh, your family is doing that thing again where they upset you? let me sit on the phone for two hours while i talk you through it. your job sucks and you need to vent? sure, i have nothing but time even though you didn't text ahead first and i for once have stuff i need to do.
years go by with this constant on and off of her needing me and not. not really giving a shit about me or my problems or even really bothering to listen to anything outside of the words of encouragement for herself. eventually, my family stuff changed around a little and i started working again last year. i moved out to a shitty little apartment of my own and work started taking up my time. i went no-contact for a while because i'm busy and i'm too physically exhausted to deal with another emotional tirade of neediness. we texted on and off, but by this point, we hadn't talked on the phone for some time. then she called me in the middle of work–who the fuck does that?? without a text ahead first? naturally, because i was at work, i can't talk to her for long, or at all really. i tell her i'm at work and don't wait for a reply as i hang up on her. and after some thinking about it, something clicked in my head.
did she even like me? as, like, a person? she had plenty of other friends. talked about them all the time–almost as much as she talked about herself lol. why am i the only one she went to when her day was shit? why am i the only one she burdened with the melodrama of her issues, many of which that were self-inflicted? i'm not a fucking therapist. i had problems, too. my life was already hard enough without an emotionally manipulative adult woman using me as her own personal pity party parader while providing zero percent of the same support she receives.
so, i ghosted and blocked her, blocked all her friends, and moved on. a decade of my life's energy lost to the winds of time. and i don't regret it, either. that may sound a little fucked up, but it is what it is. the only thing i miss is having someone to talk to about my rapidly cycling fandom interests, but other than that, i've felt fine. i was pretty checked out of the whole thing by the end. good fucking riddance.
Not really traumatized anymore but it got to me for awhile:
I was a friendless awkward sperglord in junior high, that kid that everyone avoided or assumed was retarded. I had a deep distrust of girls after being betrayed and bullied in late elementary school. I found my best friend, an anime nerd before it became more mainstream to be one. She immediately became like a sister to me, and everything I wanted to be. Amazing at art, the cool girl with a lax outlook as a foil to my over-emotional worrying ass.
Things changed in high school. We were both horny, confused teenagers. She got a long distance online boyfriend, had sex with him. I was upset. Wasn't sure if it was because I had feelings or just jealous.
Soon, a girl moved to our school who was a manic pixie dream girl personified. Anime nerd, drug addicted BPD chan who openly talked about fucking her middle school teachers and was dating a 25 year old at 15. Bestie latched onto her cuz I mean, why stick around with a nerdy virgin girl who doesn't wanna experience life? She'd always shame me for being too samey, safe, and not as adventurous as her. I felt betrayed, the same way I had felt before all those years ago. Everyone was under this new girl's spell even though she was a walking BPD mess with bad coping mechanisms. Because of her influence, bestie cheated on her bf with a drug dealer, began hooking up with his friends, fucking a bunch of older dudes and doing drugs.
Eventually bestie moves school. Still keeps up the same lifestyle. Cool girl moves again. They keep in touch, but not as close. We maintain a loose friendship, before growing apart entirely.
It really upset me for awhile and I think I still internalize that time, along with libfem ideals and hookup culture, just making me feel I had to be more like her to be a real woman. I'm glad my time on LC helped me think differently. Today, We still talk here and there. She's still in the free love hippie lifestyle and is in a poly relationship now and doing sex work. We're different, but still get along. She'll always have a place in my heart and despite our past, I'm still thankful to have her in my life again, even if it's not the same way it was before. She's been one of my biggest supports.>>291651
Made me cry to read..I'm so sorry nonnie
. May she rest in peace <3
>>288413>I’m actually gay too and I would have dated her if she’d fucking told me to my face instead of being vague, never confessing, and then blocking me on everything
what the hell nonnie
, this is some ridiculous rom com scenario level of misunderstanding, go get her ! Ask your friend to be the mediator between you two
I'm sorry nonners. I'm sure she left this plane knowing how much you loved her, I can tell she meant a lot to you. Time will heal you, and the pain you feel tells you how strong your bond was, and that's a rare and precious thing. I'm sure she's in a good place.>>288413
Wtf please get in touch with her again through your mutual friend, as a raging himejoshi I need yous to have a happy ending ahh
not the anon you replied to and i know this is a month old so you might not be reading anymore, but I stopped contact with everyone when i got depressed and never tried to contact them again myself, but one of my closest friends contacted me again like 5 years later and we are friends again, i explained why i disappeared and apologized, she had struggled with depression too so she understood. Your friend likely will be happy to hear from you whenever you are ready. I wish i had messaged her sooner myself but i assumed she wouldn't want to talk to me after i just disappeared like that. Your friend sounds like a really sweet person so I'm sure she will be understanding, maybe she has had similar struggles, people that seem super happy often do, they just hide it well too. If you're not ready to open up about why you disappeared you can just tell her you're not ready to talk about it yet, just tell her you miss her, let yourself be vulnerable, you don't have anything to lose by doing so.
> I never deserved her anyway
if you were as horrible as you think you are she wouldn't have been drawn to you, she wouldn't still want to talk to you. It's the depression talking, when you're depressed you're too weak to deal with the world and people and our dumb brains come up with all these reasons so that we won't do anything since everything is overwhelming.
But even if you are not ready now, maybe one day you will be, even years from now if you get better don't be afraid to reach out, finding connections like that is rare.
File: 1666529574317.jpg (179.7 KB, 717x717, A547A031-7528-4E7E-A5D4-BC6BA5…)
My best friend stopped talking to me altogether a month ago or so because she said I was a slut and ditched me for a frankentranny AGP. Even though she ended up being a shit person I miss her to this day and wish things turned out differently, especially since she was one of the few genuine friends I had, as a socially awkward autist.
File: 1666599616749.jpg (22.43 KB, 564x567, fd1cf4973d01f227ac34931e742165…)
(I posted about it earlier but maybe it got lost in thread that didnt fit well, I forgot this one existed, and I would really appreciate any input here, i'm just so lost)
What do you think is up with my friend nonnas?
She was my best and closest friend in teenage years, we drifted apart a bit when I had to move to a different city but I've always put the effort to stay in touch and meet up every time I came back to our hometown. She rarely ever messages me but said it's because she just doesn't like messaging, which is fine - though when she stayed at my place recently most of the time she spent on her phone texting her other friend (that she told me she doesn't have much in common with and often complained how selfish that friend is) and her sister. Once I found out she actually spend a whole two months in my city (some stationary course her employer had her take) and didn't even tell me that until she was back in our hometown. All this would make you think she doesn't actually like me that much, right? But then, when I didn't meet up with her once when I visited my parents and she found out, she was really upset with me; and then some other time when I did meet her she actually cried seeing me and said that she misses me a lot. At that point I thought that maybe something changed with her but the moment I left and tried keeping in touch by messaging her she'd leave me on read for weeks and respond with few words and most often just a single emoji.
I'm just so, so confused by these mixed signals, someone please help me make sense out of it.
I was an autist weeb with bad irl friends so I turned to the internet and became best friends with a fellow autist weeb who were into the exact same franchises as me. We talked every single day, hung out in person when we could, went to anime conventions together. She was my everything, we could talk about anything. This went on for years until one day she got into a local anime club and started to have less time for me to hang out with them. And now when she talked to me it was mostly about her other friends. She started saying stuff but then stopped herself saying "that's between me and my FRIENDS, it's kind of a FRIEND thing" and I always felt hurt since we were supposed to be best friends and used to share everything prior to this. I accepted it though, I was happy she had found friends because we were both struggling autists. They started going to conventions together so we'd all meet up there. So I met them all for the first time… and they all treated me as if I didn't exist. They didn't even introduce themselves, and made no effort to talk to me. I did try to talk to my friend but she'd immediately get distracted by her other friends, and made no effort to talk to me either. I still followed them around as part of the group for a bit, but I quickly realized they literally didn't even notice I was there so eventually I left. I saw my friend a few hours later so I went up to her but she just looked startled and asked how long I had been there. Two of her friends were making out with an audience watching in a circle around them, as some kind of cosplay fan service. I kind of assumed she was also doing that kind of stuff with them and wondered if I had seen her. She seemed to ignore me to keep watching them and I left after a while since she didn't seem to be interested in hanging out with me. Spent a few hours moping around feeling lonely until one of her friends later saw me alone and came up to me (maybe they did notice I was gone after all?) only to go straight into sexually molesting me, out openly in public (I was a young teen, they were an older teen). They quickly left and I felt so ashamed as if it had been my fault in any way… Spent the rest of the 2 day convention feeling terrible over the assault (naturally blaming myself) and wondering why my best friend chose friends who are fine with openly sexually harassing people over me and why I wasn't good enough for her. After that we talked less and less, and I spent years still wondering what I did wrong.
My longest standing friendship was from 6th grade until I was like 22. She had a "princess"-type personality, had some emotional damage from her dad walking our on them a few years before we became friends (we were classmates, but he haven't really spoken for like the first 5 years). She demanded a lot, she was artistic, troubled and even started abusing drugs and having sex at like 14. We've never actually discussed these things too deeply, besides me being aware of them from passing comments. All of our discussion were about the media we enjoyed and celebrity crushes. She formed a lot of my style and taste back then, which I basically discarded almost all since. She was never really aggressive, but she was very unreasonable and unwilling to compromise. As the "princess", me and another friends of our were basically just her courtladies running errands for her, the other girl dropped the friendship much earlier since my BF also verbally abused her a lot, which she never did to me for some reason. After a while being friends with her felt like I was stuck in a fucking time loop, we spoke about the same people, same places and watched the same kinds of shows one after the other. I felt like she held me back from actually socializing, she was very cold and awkward towards anyone I introduced or we freshly met, since they didn't really know how to walk on eggshells around her like we did.
We finally "broke up" after a big fight after returning from a vacation where she basically refused to leave the room and I couldn't walk around the city (I didn't mention yet she was morbidly obese) because she physically couldn't handle it, but guilted me for leaving her alone because she couldn't communicate with the staff at the inn (even though she spoke English about as well as I did at the time).
I didn't really feel anything, I don't miss her even know somehow. It feels really weird, because she was such a huge part of my life, but I feel like all the effect she had on my personality growing up was negative. She wrote me one message about missing me, but I closed it after reading the first two lines and never contacted her. All of her social media seem to be gone now. I was also terribly uninterested in her art.
I reconnected with my best friend last year and she took her life in April after her meds were switched. Her depression worsened and she began to isolate herself completely from everyone.
We had feelings for one another and despite those feelings we showed eachother respect with our relationships at the time. She always said we could talk years apart and it'd be like we never left eachother. She was right but now she's not here. I'll never call anyone else my best friend again. I have nightmares about her so often it's hard to sleep.
My regret is the night she took her life I saw her on Facebook and my message to her was going to be "HEY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" but because we just reconnected I got paranoid and thought maybe it was strange for me to say it, I didn't want to risk scaring her away because we just reconnected and I still love her deeply. I also thought maybe she was with her boyfriend because they lived a block apart. I had a very eerie feeling that night but told myself I was being paranoid. I'll never forgive myself.
There was a conversation we had once and I know it might be cringy we were still young, anytime I had suicidal thoughts I thought to her because she told me "If you won't do it, I won't". And we hugged on that. I always thought of her as a guardian angel in some way because of that. Our personalities in a way became opposites, she inspired me to be open and become a different person who is open to new things, more extroverted. When we reconnected I told her that I always treasured our friendship and opened up more. I thanked her for always being there somehow. While she still seemed to be the same person she became more introverted as she got more depressed. She was so selfless and kept her feelings to herself. I know people say everyone has a bad side but she was such a genuine person with a big heart. She always put so much effort into others while not asking for anything.
We both wanted to change our first names (we were both named by our mothers and have mommy issues) and there was a song with the name I had only told her about that autoplayed on Spotify. I can't listen to it without crying.
I didn't go to her memorial or funeral. We weren't supposed to meet under those circumstances. We had a meeting planned for the summer (we lived far apart) but she was supposed to be alive, not dead. Plus I didn't want to see her alcoholic mother who is just drinking more after my friends death which is one of the things my friend hated, her mother's drinking. Which I hear she ruined the memorial from her brother.
I'm sorry I'm everywhere with this post. It still pisses me off her abusive mother made her death all about herself and not my friend. No amounts of "I love you, I miss you, why did this happen to me?" will take away the things her mom said to her. She'd call her lazy, fat and worthless. Her mom would party constantly and make her raise her sister. Then call her selfish if she wanted to do something simple for herself.
My friend expressed her hatred for her mom and everytime I see her mom (we still live in the same city) I can't help but get incredibly angry when she was apart of the problem.
I failed her. I'm sorry this vent is everywhere. I haven't properly grieved. I know when I go to sleep I'll see her face and the hardest part is waking up and accepting that she's gone. I can still remember the feeling of the last hug she gave me.
I had a bestie from pre-kindergarten right up till the end of high school. After graduation we completely lost connection with each other. I always feel like I should reconnect to catch up, yet at the same time I battle with the truth that we never actually had much of a connection to begin with - and that our friendship was honestly pretty shaky.
I felt incredibly reserved and insecure around her. I never opened up or revealed my true self during our entire friendship. I still don’t know why. I just never felt comfortable enough to. I guess because I ended up presenting as a blank slate, she instead built up a perception of me that I felt obligated to mold myself into. I also never wanted to hang out after school with her because it was hard to keep up that mask for so long, so instead I was always flaking out on our plans.
As a result there would be occasional school years where she would abandon me for other people or groups, which would result in me being friendless for random periods. Yet somehow we’d always end up reconnecting and the friendship always stuck.
Things really took off again in middle school when we both shared a friend group. However, because she was such a dominating presence, everyone else in the group would simply follow whatever she does. If she was obsessed with a new tv show, everyone else would quickly binge watch it so that their entire conversations would revolve around that for a while. Then she would get bored of that, find a new obsession, and the cycle would repeat. I tried following along with this for a while until I got tired of it, which resulted in me becoming excluded because I couldn’t keep up with the topic of the month.
Also, because everyone else in the group were closer with each other, and because I never really opened up, they all started forming weird speculations about me. It was always weird shit like thinking I had an incestuous relationship with my brother, that I was gay, or that I was secretly a mtf. And it wasn’t subtle either, they would straight up say this to my face. They would also make fun of me for my troubled family life, like stalking and reading the embarrassing stuff my mom would post online, and then show it to me and laugh. Which was odd because they all mostly came from broken homes too.
However, I think the thing that finally put it over the edge was when she catfished me. She pretended to be an interested follower that wanted to become my friend, and while I had my suspicions from the start, I went along with it for a month or two before she slipped up and accidently revealed herself. When I told her that I knew it was her, she got nervous and made the excuse that a shared friend of ours put her up to it, and they felt bad that I didn’t have as many followers as they did, so they wanted me to think I had a devoted fan. But honestly, I think she just wanted to uncover secrets about me to share with the rest of the friend group.
For the next year or so I tried to pretend like it never happened, but the friendship was very shaky and awkward after that. Her and the friend group ended up excluding me more and I started to faze out from them after finding other friends.
It also appears that most of the friend group is still close after all these years. It makes me a little uncomfortable that I’m probably an inside joke or “character” to them now.
Anyways, If she finds this and can tell who wrote it - I’m sorry, I’m just shouting into the void. I also had my problems
I ended my friendship with my best friend like four or five years ago now, and I still dream about her semi-regularly. I don't think about her often, which is the weird part.
Although she didn't treat me very well, and often cornered me into arguments I couldn't win which made me feel like an idiot every single time, I truly believe I'll never find another friend like her. We resonated on so many levels, I never felt more comfortable around anyone else. She was like a sister to me, and meant so much more to me than my biological sisters ever did. We stopped being friends for a few reasons, one of them being the fact that she didn't like the age gap between my now husband and I.
The last time we ever spoke, I told her I was going into therapy so I could become a better person, because I know I didn't treat her very well sometimes either. I forgot her birthday many times. Maybe it was for the best that we don't speak anymore. I don't know if we would get along now, anyways. I wonder how she's doing now. I hope she's doing well. If she ever came back into my life, I don't know what I'd do. Probably just curl up into a ball and hide. As much as I love her, she scares me.