/g/ - girl talk

great thread idea op, i was really glad to see this on /g tonight… my mother is 62, disabled, with type 2 diabetes and mobility issues. she will be getting surgery on her neck soon and i'm really nervous. i'm not the most involved in her medical stuff, as i have some empathy and mental health problems of my own, and i also sometimes feel like it's not fair i have to take care of my mother? growing up she was a drug addict, neglected me, the whole deal (i am very glad i am not a cow myself), and i always feel like she chose my father over me. she also still is emotionally abusive, seems to be stunted at somewhere between 8-20 depending on her mindset. i also suspect alzheimers because she will often forget things i tell her, has hard time taking medicines, and will tell me the same stories over and over. also sleeps all day or just yells at me basically. she also goes to the methadone clinic and abuses illegal benzos which is very hard to watch. i'm a NEET so since high school i've become her caretaker, which is hard when i feel like she never really took care of me. but, i do feel like maybe it is my responsibility, she is some of the only family i am close with, i don't have many friends irl, and getting into not so good relationships with men to try and move out hasn't helped. i don't think a man would ever really be able to "save" me from this situation anyways, maybe it's just my burden to bear. looking forward to reading other stories, not sure if there is any advice for me right now.

>>204906
OP here. Oddly that describes my mom a lot except she was just a stoner and I know people would scoff at the concept of a pot addict but I guess I leave it to someone else to look at her rolling around on the floor with a gun against her head because she can't get weed to tell me what you call that. She has quit drugs now and has diabetes and such issues as well. Her memory is shot like Hell I assume from so much weed.
However, I am actually taking care of HER mom who unfortunately also has diabetes, A fib, cardiovascular problems, and now colon cancer. It's really the cancer that's doing her in. I have to live with her half the week but I can't all the time because I go to college and it is my senior year as well as the fact that I work for a nonprofit. My family is now pleading with me to stay over even more and last night I cried after submitting to going more time. I felt guilty for crying because I feel like I should be able to shoulder the responsibility. I ended up not coming because before I could get there she took several falls and was rushed to the hospital. She apparently has sepsis. She is stage 4 with the cancer and is currently doing chemo to shrink it. I just thought about how common cancer is and then how common my experience must be and thought it would be a worthwhile thread. Am currently just worrying about her. She is pretty much a goody two shoes but her husband is an alcoholic and junkie and steals her pills and gives her shitty food whenever I am not around and I just can't be there all the time and I am afraid he will literally kill her. Not to mention my mom is really bitter and pissed at me a lot because I am closer to the family than her due to me helping so much.

I have to take care of my grandmother with dementia and it's so exhausting. I know she isn't bad at all but for me it's a problem. Also she has a shitty behaviour but i can't do nothing because she's ill. It's like having a giant and heavy backpack.

>>204909
ayrt, my mom was a stoner for about 20+ years too, started at 15 so i think it definitely had an impact on her brain, and i enjoy pot myself (but definitely see the bad sides of it, anyone can be addicted to anything). i feel so much for you anon, its really hard to feel family pushing down on you, i've felt the same pressures. i hope your grandmother is alright, and that maybe somehow family can intervene with her husband taking medicines and whatnot. also never feel guilty for crying, its healthy to express your emotions, crying is absolutely healthy and normal (never let a man/anyone tell you different)! i also hope maybe you can reintroduce your mom to the family (if she is willing), my mom is also the black sheep and struggles with fitting in and feeling accepted. also good luck with school, and thank you again for the thread :)

>>204914
It's so exhausting. I won't pretend I know exactly how you feel, but I was practically chained to my grandmother with ovarian cancer and bad lymphedema for just a week, and that was well enough for me. She was close to her death and probably had rapid-onset dementia, because she would wake me up from the other room with cries and sobs about where she was and who I was. She had a pretty bad 'tude as well, but I tried not to blame her too much, since she was literally dying. I get the backpack metaphor. One of the most painful aspects is probably the loss of a social life at that time, nothing can compare to the weight of responsibility and the burden you have to carry for g'parents who frankly treat you like shit despite you helping them, and who at the same time rid you of life opportunities through no fault of their own. It's like you're supposed to do all of the things young people should go through, live life, you feel like with every day you lose opportunities to be in the now with other people who feel and look actually alive, but instead you're here sitting with an old relic, a remnant of a person almost. You can literally feel your life stagnate and get stale in the air ith this person you used to love, but who you now resent to an extent and who's about to pass away. It's very hard on everybody.
Oh, and I'll never forget trying to give my grandmother a foot bath and rub for her really gnarly foot on her edema leg she physically couldn't care for. That was nasty.

>>204915
Sorry on taking ages to reply. I got a ban.
It's ironic I just decided to make this post just a day ago because my grandma ended up taking several falls and was finally admitted to the emergency room. Turns out her blood went septic and she can't tolerate anymore chemo so they are going to try to remove the cancer at it's current size even though it's only slightly shrunk. I am really nervous because it is hasty and dangerous surgery. They are waiting 4 days to get the infection under control before operating. She's in the hospital so I'm not currently caring for her like I usually would be today. It's nearly 6am and I am awake feeling concerned and guilty.

>>205087
hi again nona, it seems my mom and your grandmother will be in surgery around the same time… she will be in my thoughts. i hope the best for you and your family!

hi sorry for bumping a dead thread but i'm the first anon who replied back again… my mom had her surgery finally, and afterwards they gave her an oxy script which she promptly abused and now what i believe to be some sort of drug induced dementia or brain damage is even worse…. all hours of the day shes yelling. literally all day. she wakes up and from that moment shes singing, talking, literally screaming bloody murder some moments making me think shes dying (she never is lol). its gotten to a point where if she really was dying i probably wouldn't know/care because of the way she throws fits so often. it's like dealing with a young child. i'm now working part time and shes having a lot of stress with me being out of the house. when im here the only thing i can do to not go crazy is just blast music/headphones/tv so i can ignore her constant noise. she literally will yell until about midnight every day with a lot of afternoon/evening sleeping in her chair and she plays tv at insane volumes. she's singing as i type this. i'm not able to rent my own place and my attempts to live with romantic partners have been bad. i'm not sure how to deal with this, i know she SHOULD be in some sort of nursing situation which the state would pay for because shes on ssi… any advice at the moment until i figure out somewhere else i can live my job right now isn't something that could pay rent but i am making good connections with friends and people right now and trying to get out of being a hiki NEET.

>>216478
Oh my god I'm so sorry this is happening to you
I'm not a caretaker in the strict sense (dad died, my mom has chronic pain + scoliosis with some limited mobility but can still function like normal) but I've been in that position before. I wish I could give you a hug.

>>216598
thank you non… sorry about your situation too… internet hug

My mom has been having all kinds of issues the past few years. She's in her early 50s. arthritis leaving her almost unable to work (she's still working though) at times, she cries from the stress of not being able to type on the computer, she's very forgetful like she's worse than my grandmother when it comes tto being forgetful and mentally confused at times… I worry for her so much nonas. SHe's not in need of a caretaker but with how fast things are getting worse I think I'll have to move back home because I feel bad being away from her

>>275722
You should get her one these microwaveable heated mittens which should help with her arthritis along with a day planner so that she can write down what she should do and dot down important stuff.
>she's very forgetful like she's worse than my grandmother when it comes to being forgetful and mentally confused at times
It could be because she isn't drinking enough as often women that develop weak bladders will avoid drinking to much in case of wetting. She could also maybe have an urinary tract infection which can also explain the confusion dehydration can too I would recommend buying a water bottle that is easy to drink from along with encouraging her to drink cranberry juice too. If she does have history of UTI or would like to prevent it then she could take some estrogen which helps preventing UTI.

>>275722
Sending love to you and your mother anon.

I wanted to bump this thread because it's a good one. I'm wondering if it can also be used for millennials with aging boomer parents who aren't quite caretakers yet but may be dealing with the stress watching your parent slowly lose themselves. My mom is elderly and it's hard to accept what's happening