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File: 1626897631658.png (633.18 KB, 817x554, 84F782BF-9C62-4CD1-B1ED-B8CACF…)

No. 198824

Have any of you ever dated down/up (Dating someone much less/more attractive than you)?
I apways understand the down daters do it for control, is that accurate?
There’s a guy I’m really attracted to whom I feel is quite a but out of my league (I’m in good shape and not hideous, but I’m also not super beautiful either and very weird/autistic, I’m certainly never “the hot girl”), but despite that I think he may be interested in me. We haven’t been on a date yet, but we talk for hours and hours through text and I really like spending time with him (I know him through a mutual friend and see him IRL quite regularly). However, this guy is GORGEOUS and I’ve never felt so compatible with someone else’s personality before, and I feel like someone’s pulling a prank on me. Usually I’m “the weird/autistic girl” that all the boys ignore/mock, and suddenly my dream dude can’t stop texting me.
Could it be that he just wants to be friends? I thought guys ignored girls they don’t want to date? Could he be willing to date down so I’d be a desperate gf?

No. 198825

Not dating but I have a guy interested in me who fucks a lot of women (I assume relatively cute) whereas I can’t get a single woman interested in me who isn’t hideous. Not sure how to navigate it because I kind of suspect the reason he’s interested is because I’m willing to do gross kinky stuff. That has also been the case with another guy I fucked, I think.

No. 198826

>>198824
I feel like I've naturally adjusted my preferences to fit into dating down. I'm a bit insecure and I enjoy feeling like I'm the attractive one. Personality and life-wise I prefer someone who isn't a total useless rock but little things like having better social skills or being the one who orders food make me feel better about myself kek

No. 198827

I've dated down in the past. In the beginning they treat you really well because they're aware of that imbalance. Then over time that slips and you end up not feeling attracted to them plus not even being treated all that great. In the long run I feel like it rarely pays off.

Now I've been single for a bit, I've spent some time thinking about how much I settled before. I'm finally crushing on someone but I'm finding it hard to judge if we're on equal levels or not. I don't want to make a move just in case I'm the less attractive one and he's grossed out by my forwardness? Think my confidence is just shot tbh.

No. 198836

In highschool I liked this boy well out of my league, got his msn address and knew I was good with words so started talking to him. Ended up dating for about 8 years and he always made me feel as equally attractive as him lol

My friends said my last relationship I was dating down and could do so much better. But I am still heartbroken over this ugly man and I don't care if everyone on earth said he's ugly, his face made me wet. I had to delete all the photos of him or I'll simply never move on. It's very bad.

No. 198861

I dated down once, it was not about control. I just clicked really hard personality-wise and figured the fugly would be bearable. Turns out it really was not.

No. 198918

>>198824
I’ve dated up, and the worst part about it by far is how angry it makes other girls. It’s fucking weird. If me or my bf had been there (at a bar for example) by myself/himself they probably would’ve left either of us alone, but together the other girls would suddenly think it was EXTREMELY important to let me know how ugly I am and would sometimes straight up assault me. They also try to seduce your bf constantly just to humiliate you. One more than one occasion a waitress at a restaurant would laugh when she saw us and would tell my bf he could do better.

Fun times!

No. 198920

>>198918
Where the fuck do you live that people do shit like this?

No. 198923

>>198920
Netherlands

No. 198929

>>198923
idk anon I live there too and I've never seen shit like that happen before.

No. 198930

>>198929
Ben je knap? Heb je ooit een veel knappere vriend gehad?

No. 198932

>>198930
nta and Idk what youre saying but god dutch is so hot

No. 198934

>>198930
ik ook ik ook ik ook

No. 198941

>>198934
Aww, it's a dutch baby babbling
pinches cheecks who's a cutie

No. 198943

>>198934
Where does this meme come from?

No. 198947

>>198943
hitler todd, wat nou

No. 198950

>>198824
I rarely ever see men more attractive than me so I’ve never dated up. The time I dated down was a nightmare, the most arrogant manlet with anger management problems who kept suicide baiting so I wouldn’t leave him. Uglier dudes I’ve been on a date with put me on a pedestal for my looks, with empty comments on how pretty I am every few minutes, then get mad when I don’t want to see them again. I now try to date someone about as attractive as me to avoid any problems, but that makes my dating pool super small. Men are extremely shallow and value looks so much yet put very little effort into their appearance, I can’t understand it.

No. 198953

>>198950
>I rarely see men more attractive than me
teach me your ways gigastacy

No. 198957

>>198953
Darling, it’s all about maintaining a healthy weight, eating whole foods and drinking lots of tea and water to give you that glow, taking care of you hair, skin and teeth and sleeping 8-9 hours each night. That alone puts you in another league from m*n. Don’t forget wearing your favourite clothes, good posture at all times, reading great books and spending time doing what you love to do. Treat yourself like gold and expect nothing less from others.

No. 198988

>>198957
tea gives you a glow? i thought it fucked up your teeth.

No. 198990

>>198988
It has a lot of antioxidants. I drink a few cups of green tea steeped very weakly (30 seconds) every day. Strong tea, especially black, can be acidic and stain, but I take care of my teeth so I have no issues

No. 198993

i dated a very handsome guy a few months ago, but it didn't work out. i don't think he didn't find me attractive enough, i just think he had too many options. he probably dated other girls at the same time and chose someone else over me. sad, but i can't blame him. if you want stability, definitely date down.

No. 198997

>>198993
Uhhh guys, dont listen to this

No. 198999

My boyfriend is more attractive than me (and has better education, job, family, social life) and I sometimes wonder why he puts up with a scraggly NEET. He's definitely the one more invested in the relationship and willing to fight for it/put in the work so I don't think it's a power or control thing. It's never really been much of an issue though, he makes me feel like he finds me attractive and I still (after 8 years) get embarrassed when he looks at me too long because he's so handsome to me. At the beginning of our relationship a couple people seemed worried he might be abusing or cheating on me? Like he was taking advantage of me maybe? It also sometimes eats at me that women he dated before me were all very beautiful and when we first met he definitely didn't care about me and didn't even look in my direction kek and I probably wore him down with personality alone. He did make the first move though.

No. 199001

>>198861
same with last bf. really tried to make it work but couldn't stand the sex, maybe i'm shallow

No. 199016

File: 1627009972561.jpg (92.07 KB, 828x793, 1626883667312.jpg)

I am having this same issue right now op!!!!!!!!!! guy is attractive, I think I'm average at most. He's HOT. Always thought so, but never thought much about him, this is the most i've thought about him and i've been working at the place for 5 years. In the entirety of the 5 yrs ive been here i never once thought about him after getting home, now it's all i do. He's very attractive close to or model tier. WTF is going on lol is he playing a joke on me? he asked me out on a date btw and i said i would think about it. I don't think I want to go out with him but only because I feel something fishy may be going on.

No. 199017

>>199016
also unlike you, we have never talked much. Definitely not for hours, adding to the weirdness

No. 199074

File: 1627056777403.jpg (32.87 KB, 233x280, b60.jpg)

I didn't actually think at the moment that I was dating down or that the guy was ugly or something, he was charismatic enough and had nice eyes and smile. My other bfs were way more attractive though. I didn't really mind his height (manlet) and even his hairline (receding), yet I couldn't come to terms with his thin little dick and its weird smell. Ugh. The relationship ended pretty quickly but they didn't work out because of his personality above all else. Porn addiction (allegedly 'in the past'), weird stories about exes where he tried to show them in a bad light only to end up outing himself as a jerk, some obvious issues I didn't want to deal with, etc. I have to repeat though that while I still liked him, I didn't think of him as looking worse than me and some of his flaws (except for dick) didn't matter to me. I was more focused on his nice features and him as a person in overall. But after knowing him better I've become repulsed by him in general, so now I see it as dating down.

>>198824
>>199016
Nonnies, I think you're being unfair to yourselves. You might look just as good as these guys and not realize that, many people tend to have lower standards for men. Plus, you don't really know how other people see you. You may appear way more attractive than you think. And it's not necessarry to be "perfect" to get someone (even a hot person) to like you. Not looking the way you'd want to be doesn't make you any less valuable and not deserving of the attention of a good looking guy (who is still just a guy, not a demigod). Moreover, I'm pretty sure you'll easily detect the red flags if there're any. It's not like they proposed to you or something, spend some time with them, have fun, if something's off you'll see it.

No. 199090

>>198999
I'm in a very similar situation with my bf, down to him not thinking much of me then being won over when we became friends and then making the first move on me. Can't believe my luck sometimes, I am definitely dating up.

>>199074
>Not looking the way you'd want to be doesn't make you any less valuable and not deserving of the attention of a good looking guy (who is still just a guy, not a demigod).
Ty anon, I really really needed to read this today.

No. 199095

>>198824
I couldn't imagine ever dating a guy more attractive than me. Any guy I am in love with immediately becomes the most attractive guy on the planet to me, so I am lucky in that way I guess. But I prefer for men to think they will never be able to do better than me, it is definitely a better feeling than to be afraid to not be good enough for him. I also love funny men and the super hot ones usually are hairheads.

No. 199139

Don't date down on purpose just because you think it will bring "stability." Both from personal experience and what I've seen happen to others, men act like major assholes when they think they'll never do better than you. Possessive and paranoid, they assume you're a cheater and a whore just because other guys hit on you even if you never reciprocate, and if you're incompatible (he wants a dozen kids and you want 0-1, or you want to live on the coast and he wants to live in his midwestern home town), they refuse to break up and only leave the relationship kicking and screaming. Also, it sucks extra hard when you're treated like shit by someone you thought you were doing a favor by dating in the first place. Spare yourselves.
I think the way it works is that when men have a notable advantage over you regarding wealth, looks, intelligence, or charm, they look down on you for being inferior and expect your worship. But when you have an advantage, they resent you and want to cut you down for it. The only winning move is to be confident and comfortable with each other and avoid people who are obsessed with social status.

No. 199140

>>198824
Your texting situation sounds cute and I hope he's just genuinely interested in you. Good luck!

No. 199190

>>198950
>>198957
Nice LARP (or personality disorder)
I date up imo consistently because I realized most people have no idea what they can pull. Most men have low standards and cannot tell if a girl is below average if she is confident and knows how to do makeup/dress a little flashy.

Dating up has been pretty easy for me since I am socially competent, average looking, stable and generally easygoing. Not to say I haven't been ditched or used by a couple attractive men in the past, but that happens to anyone who puts themselves out there because men are disgusting generally.

No. 199192

I could date any man and I'd still be dating down. They're all so hideous and boring and mediocre.
I think it's the same for all women tbh, I've never looked at a hetero couple and thought "she's punching up", but nearly always the other way around.
I'm not a lesbian but literally I find nearly every woman I meet gorgeous and interesting. They all have such intense strength of character and intelligence, I kind of get awestruck.

No. 199201

>>199139
I've not made this experience honestly. You should still pick a guy with a good personality obviously.

No. 199207

>>199192
Yeah, it's sad, really. It's like no guy can be harmoniously cool, there's always some distinct lameness lurking beneath.

No. 199279

>>198918
wow, and you didn't you throw hands or complained to her boss?

No. 199280

>>199074
ayrt, i think you say that because you're a woman and women as a whole don't really care much about looks in general. I'm not overestimating how attractive he is. And no, despite me being uglyish/average/i really don't know, i do have standards and don't date ugly men. my exes have all been average i would say, with maybe one feature that is straight up objectively ugly. I'm thinking, could this be a case of him having low self-esteem and not knowing he's attractive and that he could do better?

No. 199286

>>199280
>women as a whole don't really care much about looks in general
Can we stop spouting this meme please? It's not that women don't care much about looks, but more like they're capable of finding many different types of men attractive and don't give as much of a shit about their partners being "performatively attractive" like men do.

No. 199291

>>199286
It's also that we're not allowed to care about looks because we don't want to be called shallow or told we're not good enough for a hot guy, and because men make it VERY clear that the best way to keep a man and ensure fidelity is by being significantly more attractive than him. Not true ofc, but it definitely feels like it is and the systematic destruction of female self esteem results in endless copes about how women totally prefer dad bods and geriatric men. Some women simply don't want to admit to themselves or anyone else that they want a conventionally attractive man because it makes them vulnerable to their insecurities.

No. 199297

>>199192
>>199207
This is so true now that I think about it, I have a good amount of male friends but it was always them that made the effort to befriend ME – they would voluntarily talk about themselves enough that I would pick up that they share interests with me and then I'd become their friend. My bf is the only man I can think of in years who I interacted with and immediately thought, oh this guy is cool, I wanna be his friend. Whereas I have this thought about women pretty often lol.

No. 199313

>>199286
I care about looks but then we're so used to seeing attractive women with uggo guys that it almost scews my idea of what I should be aiming for.

To be crude…pussy will always be chased more and of more value, even with an average face.. womens bodies are the desirable ones. How did we get memed into this downgrading bs when we're already 'the fairer sex' ?

No. 199326

>>198824
I think I always dated people that were relatively the same attractiveness as I am, except for one case of dating down, but I wasn't in a good state of mind then and it didn't last long.
The weird thing is that in general they say looks matter less and less as you age, since your own looks start fading too, but as I'm approaching 30 I'm actually way more critical of men's looks than I was, and would be terrified to be married to an average guy that'll only keep getting uglier.

No. 199335

>>199286
According to some studies, women find 80% of men physically unattractive. Now, factor in how many men are disgusting, lazy, untrustworthy people etc. Honestly, we can't afford to be picky re a single trait; most women want a stable partner/father so we shift our focus on to the important stuff. If there were more hot, good men out there we'd go for them. Men are so lucky regarding finding a quality partner, that's why I rage when they nitpick such stupid shit.

No. 199345

>>199286
>>199291
ayrt, i suppose you are right. But i've always ever seen pretty women with ugly guys and not the other way around.

It's not like i am a butterface because my body does not compenbsate for my face either, i am slim but flat as a board

>>199335
I have no idea what this guy is like but i'm starting to want to find out, if he's attractive AND reliable i swear i'm gonna rip my hair out. I really hope things are genuine and we're compatible, i feel selfish for feeling this way almost

No. 199348

>>199335
Exactly. Most women have to date down because most men are incredibly ugly. Fat, sloppy round faces, flabby jawlines, ugly chin hair, receding hairlines, faces full of lines at 27. Horrifying.

No. 199379

>>199190
Very odd to accuse someone of a personality disorder based on a brief post on an image board. Above average women exist.

No. 199394

I've dated down several times throughout my life, mostly because guys 'on my level' tend to be arrogant assholes. The one guy that I dated (briefly) who I did have a strong physical attraction to came from Old Money, though, so he was insufferably elitist and also had mommy issues. Bonus round! he nearly died by overdosing on heroin so like, was not a particularly stable individual. But the dick was great, and we went to a lot of fun fancy parties together. The guys that i've dated who have not been lookers, there are other benefits to being in a relationship with - this is why i think it's so stupid when incels complain that their looks are the only thing holding them back. I have noticed that these 5/10 guys take getting dumped really hard, though, like in a collapse-in-a-sobbing-heap-on-your-floor-and-refuse-to-move kind of way, or a vengefully-break-into-your-apartment-to-steal-back-presents-given-while-dating kind of way. One guy threatened to commit suicide and had to be checked into a mental ward by his parents. Currently I'm quite happy with my 5/10 bf of the past 2 years, he's incredibly smart and I love his sense of humor. His job is also FASCINATING and I feel like I learn new things about the tech industry every time I ask him for updates on his projects. I'm genuinely proud to be with him even if he's never gonna be a runway chad.

>>198824
OP, I would say at least make the attempt to go for it or you'll wind up kicking yourself. The worst that can happen is that he turns you down, in which case, it's fine - just zip up your ego, pay him a compliment, and keep on having good conversations together. But it's really rare for 9/10 supermodel people to find other people who are in their same 'attractiveness' category AND ALSO have good, interesting personalities. This guy very well may have dated some hot, vapid people in the past and now is looking for someone he has a stronger personal connection with. + the only way you become the 'desperate gf' is if you let him treat you like one and live. Dump that motherfucker if you feel the tide start to turn in that direction, for reals.

No. 199502

>>199326
> but as I'm approaching 30 I'm actually way more critical of men's looks than I was, and would be terrified to be married to an average guy that'll only keep getting uglier.

Honestly? Same. I think it’s mostly because I’m aging well (and should continue to based off of how my parents have aged) and late 20s/early 30s seem to be when you can really tell how men are going to look in future. If it looks like they have never touched a facial moisturizer or are already balding/have a receding hairline? Sorry pal. It’s a no from me, unfortunately.



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