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No. 198918
>>198824I’ve dated up, and the worst part about it by far is how angry it makes other girls. It’s fucking weird. If me or my bf had been there (at a bar for example) by myself/himself they probably would’ve left either of us alone, but together the other girls would suddenly think it was EXTREMELY important to let me know how ugly I am and would sometimes straight up assault me. They also try to seduce your bf constantly just to humiliate you. One more than one occasion a waitress at a restaurant would laugh when she saw us and would tell my bf he could do better.
Fun times!
No. 198941
>>198934Aww, it's a dutch baby babbling
pinches cheecks who's a cutie
No. 199016
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I am having this same issue right now op!!!!!!!!!! guy is attractive, I think I'm average at most. He's HOT. Always thought so, but never thought much about him, this is the most i've thought about him and i've been working at the place for 5 years. In the entirety of the 5 yrs ive been here i never once thought about him after getting home, now it's all i do. He's very attractive close to or model tier. WTF is going on lol is he playing a joke on me? he asked me out on a date btw and i said i would think about it. I don't think I want to go out with him but only because I feel something fishy may be going on.
No. 199074
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I didn't actually think at the moment that I was dating down or that the guy was ugly or something, he was charismatic enough and had nice eyes and smile. My other bfs were way more attractive though. I didn't really mind his height (manlet) and even his hairline (receding), yet I couldn't come to terms with his thin little dick and its weird smell. Ugh. The relationship ended pretty quickly but they didn't work out because of his personality above all else. Porn addiction (allegedly 'in the past'), weird stories about exes where he tried to show them in a bad light only to end up outing himself as a jerk, some obvious issues I didn't want to deal with, etc. I have to repeat though that while I still liked him, I didn't think of him as looking worse than me and some of his flaws (except for dick) didn't matter to me. I was more focused on his nice features and him as a person in overall. But after knowing him better I've become repulsed by him in general, so now I see it as dating down.
>>198824>>199016Nonnies, I think you're being unfair to yourselves. You might look just as good as these guys and not realize that, many people tend to have lower standards for men. Plus, you don't really know how other people see you. You may appear way more attractive than you think. And it's not necessarry to be "perfect" to get someone (even a hot person) to like you. Not looking the way you'd want to be doesn't make you any less valuable and not deserving of the attention of a good looking guy (who is still just a guy, not a demigod). Moreover, I'm pretty sure you'll easily detect the red flags if there're any. It's not like they proposed to you or something, spend some time with them, have fun, if something's off you'll see it.
No. 199090
>>198999I'm in a very similar situation with my bf, down to him not thinking much of me then being won over when we became friends and then making the first move on me. Can't believe my luck sometimes, I am definitely dating up.
>>199074>Not looking the way you'd want to be doesn't make you any less valuable and not deserving of the attention of a good looking guy (who is still just a guy, not a demigod).Ty anon, I really really needed to read this today.
No. 199139
Don't date down on purpose just because you think it will bring "stability." Both from personal experience and what I've seen happen to others, men act like major assholes when they think they'll never do better than you. Possessive and paranoid, they assume you're a cheater and a whore just because other guys hit on you even if you never reciprocate, and if you're incompatible (he wants a dozen kids and you want 0-1, or you want to live on the coast and he wants to live in his midwestern home town), they refuse to break up and only leave the relationship kicking and screaming. Also, it sucks extra hard when you're treated like shit by someone you thought you were doing a favor by dating in the first place. Spare yourselves.
I think the way it works is that when men have a notable advantage over you regarding wealth, looks, intelligence, or charm, they look down on you for being inferior and expect your worship. But when you have an advantage, they resent you and want to cut you down for it. The only winning move is to be confident and comfortable with each other and avoid people who are obsessed with social status.
No. 199190
>>198950>>198957Nice LARP (or personality disorder)
I date up imo consistently because I realized most people have no idea what they can pull. Most men have low standards and cannot tell if a girl is below average if she is confident and knows how to do makeup/dress a little flashy.
Dating up has been pretty easy for me since I am socially competent, average looking, stable and generally easygoing. Not to say I haven't been ditched or used by a couple attractive men in the past, but that happens to anyone who puts themselves out there because men are disgusting generally.
No. 199313
>>199286I care about looks but then we're so used to seeing attractive women with uggo guys that it almost scews my idea of what I should be aiming for.
To be crude…pussy will always be chased more and of more value, even with an average face.. womens bodies are the desirable ones. How did we get memed into this downgrading bs when we're already 'the fairer sex' ?
No. 199326
>>198824I think I always dated people that were relatively the same attractiveness as I am, except for one case of dating down, but I wasn't in a good state of mind then and it didn't last long.
The weird thing is that in general they say looks matter less and less as you age, since your own looks start fading too, but as I'm approaching 30 I'm actually way more critical of men's looks than I was, and would be terrified to be married to an average guy that'll only keep getting uglier.
No. 199345
>>199286>>199291ayrt, i suppose you are right. But i've always ever seen pretty women with ugly guys and not the other way around.
It's not like i am a butterface because my body does not compenbsate for my face either, i am slim but flat as a board
>>199335I have no idea what this guy is like but i'm starting to want to find out, if he's attractive AND reliable i swear i'm gonna rip my hair out. I really hope things are genuine and we're compatible, i feel selfish for feeling this way almost
No. 199394
I've dated down several times throughout my life, mostly because guys 'on my level' tend to be arrogant assholes. The one guy that I dated (briefly) who I did have a strong physical attraction to came from Old Money, though, so he was insufferably elitist and also had mommy issues. Bonus round! he nearly died by overdosing on heroin so like, was not a particularly stable individual. But the dick was great, and we went to a lot of fun fancy parties together. The guys that i've dated who have not been lookers, there are other benefits to being in a relationship with - this is why i think it's so stupid when incels complain that their looks are the only thing holding them back. I have noticed that these 5/10 guys take getting dumped really hard, though, like in a collapse-in-a-sobbing-heap-on-your-floor-and-refuse-to-move kind of way, or a vengefully-break-into-your-apartment-to-steal-back-presents-given-while-dating kind of way. One guy threatened to commit suicide and had to be checked into a mental ward by his parents. Currently I'm quite happy with my 5/10 bf of the past 2 years, he's incredibly smart and I love his sense of humor. His job is also FASCINATING and I feel like I learn new things about the tech industry every time I ask him for updates on his projects. I'm genuinely proud to be with him even if he's never gonna be a runway chad.
>>198824OP, I would say at least make the attempt to go for it or you'll wind up kicking yourself. The worst that can happen is that he turns you down, in which case, it's fine - just zip up your ego, pay him a compliment, and keep on having good conversations together. But it's really rare for 9/10 supermodel people to find other people who are in their same 'attractiveness' category AND ALSO have good, interesting personalities. This guy very well may have dated some hot, vapid people in the past and now is looking for someone he has a stronger personal connection with. + the only way you become the 'desperate gf' is if you let him treat you like one and live. Dump that motherfucker if you feel the tide start to turn in that direction, for reals.
No. 203264
>>203231To me league usually refers to looks first. But then if one of you is more attractive but the other brings 'other things' to the table then it can level out and feel like a fairer match.
That other thing can be income, can be social or can be practical, like if you don't have a great family or friend group and they bring you in to theirs that can in itself hold alot of value. I can't drive because of medical reasons so a guy driving is a practical bonus, can make my life easier. Things like that can add up to make up the difference. I'm not a fan of old uggos just throwing money at young attractive women but less extreme cases of just 'give and take' seem natural to try and create balance. Women are nearly always the more attractive partner in straight relationships.
No. 203319
>>198824Don't delete this for exposing power level, I thought this would be an interesting story.
I dated my first boyfriend out of pity and my friends often told me I was way out of his league. He often talked about his really fucked up inner thoughts and on our first date after being officially together he made me watch The Dark Knight and proceeded to explain to me how "awesome and pure chaotic evil" he was. Then he had me make a smoke bomb with him in his backyard while his parents watched in confusion. I cannot make this up. I'm not sure what I ever saw in him, never date down. Ever.
No. 203330
I know people don't like ratings, but my ex's deserve to be condensed into ratings.
I dated up (8/10) but the guy was really fucking stupid so it probably made him equal to me. I put up with it for so long because it wasn't always obvious, and he was finishing his masters. I have no idea how he managed to maintain a decent GPA, I'm convinced he must have cheated. I proof read one of his papers once and it was actually pretty good. Either his dad (who was an economics teacher until he retired) helped him or his retardation didn't translate to his essay writing capabilities. Honestly, his looks weren't what made me stay with him for so long, he became pretty ugly once the relationship deteriorated and he devolved into a scrote that barely tried. I eventually found out he was a habitual liar, which was infuriating when I found out. To this day I have no idea what he saw in me. He also wasn't over me half a year after our breakup since he tried to contact and wrote in some venting spaces about it.
I dated down with my ex (4/10). I was way out of his league, I'm just a retard when it comes to boys who like the same things I do. I want to say he was relatively smart, but that's not really true. He was well spoken and well read on certain things, but other things were pretty questionable. He was a NEET with an IT degree, and it became very clear to me (only 1 year of computer science) why. I showed him some programmer humor-esque code someone in my class wrote as an intro and he proceeded to rip it to shreds. I knew very little about the language at the time, but even then I already knew one of his critiques were wrong, and showed him an article explaining why. He made a stupid excuse "I think it looks better" ???? After a few weeks of taking that class, I went back and saw that absolutely everything he criticized was wrong. He called a VLAN a LAN once, when I told him he was wrong, he denied it because "I have an IT degree." I got him to look it up, so he was wrong. He also didn't know anything about computer parts; one of his discord friends wanted to upgrade from one card to another. I told my ex that the upgrade was a waste of money as those two cards perform very similarly, and he should be looking at the tier above if he wanted a boost in performance. My ex did not believe me and I had to tell him to use one of the GPU comparison sites until he finally saved his equally retarded friend from wasting a few hundred dollars on that card. IT degree vs. me a wage slave.
The moral of those two shitty relationships is that even if you're like me and you're a nonny who doesn't have a degree, don't trick yourself into thinking a degree is a sign of intelligence or value. Those men were stupid and I wasted my time and money with them. Looks really aren't everything, but both of them were irredeemable trash. It's just because there's a lot of shitty men out there, so make sure you always have your guard up. Even if a guy says something that seems pretty based and pink-pilled, don't let the dumb shit he says slide.
This turned into a long-ish rant but hopefully it was somewhat interesting for somebody.
No. 203370
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Currently "dating down" but tbh all the guys I like tend to be weird in looks, my female friends always said I had shitty and/or strange tastes in looks for both celebs and crushes so eh I guess I like ugly?
He's acutely aware of it tho, his friend has told to his face that it was near impossible that he would've gotten with someone like me, so he bends down to me more than he did for other girlfriends on his lane, like he just bought a black hoodie after NEVER wearing black just because it's my favorite color.
Im not some super model tho i'd consider myself slightly above average and he doesn't have any glaring behavior issues like being a r9k incelio, just a "unique looking" short normie.
No. 203376
dated down my entire life, i think i was only involved with 2 people in my life that were decent looking literally every other person was absolutely dogshit looking, like 3/10 is generous, and i dont feel bad saying it because they would nitpick my looks and force me to do sexual stuff with them. I have a very flawed self image because I was invinsible to men growing up plus I was shy so all of my relationship experiences are online and recently I realized I'm not invinsible anymore and irl guys are interested in dating me. Like sometimes I would talk to random girls from my class and they would be like you can do so much better and it would never register in my brain that I was moderately attractive at least, I never felt physical attraction to any of the guys I dated but I thought that I would grow to feel attracted to them by time. This junkie I was seeing had ptosis, he was already scary looking already his features were very sunken and disproportional plus he had meth teeth, he was clearly insecure about his eyes and i always called him beautiful because im a nice person but he would call my eyes fucked up looking and ugly when he got mad at me lol. I have no sympathy for these moids because they could sense my insecurity and call me ugly or compare me to other woman so I would never get out of their bubble. This another guy was the worst, it was LDR, he sent some pics, kinda fat and ugly but i was like its the personality that matters(little did i know he had the shittiest personality ever) once we met irl i realized he sent an old pic, he was medically obese, bald(at 19), and lied about his height he must've been 5'1 because I'm 5'3 and he was visibly shorter than me I was so disappointed. Also I travelled abroad to meet this midget, after 2 layovers and a 4 hour bus trip I reach there at 2 am and he just kisses me and immediately was like your breath kinda smells bad you should be more careful with these things when you see your boyfriend while he smelled like rotten eggs and would make these disgusting grunting noises while breathing because he was that fat. Funniest moment was when we were in the bus and this old guy looked at me then him, came up to us and told him to lose weight and got off lmao. I wish the worst upon him I hope he gets hypertension soon.
No. 203399
>>203376I am so sorry you went through those
abusive relationships. Men really are the worst and I hate that the subhuman males you described had the audacity to insult and mistreat you like that. It's good that you recognise now that you deserve better treatment. I hope you're doing well and have the support you need.
No. 203596
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My soon-to-be-ex-husband looks like the virgin msme and seperated from me, and when I talk about it on the internet, a bunch of assholes just start saying “durrr you got rejected by chad! HA die roastie whore!”, like i really get annoyed at the “durrr stop dating chad shit!” cuz people were using it against me, how the hell do i respond to that chad shit? im just speechless at that rediculous way of thinking.
No. 203598
>>198824nonnie, I feel like you're a (much) younger me, so without reading the thread I'm going to give you my unsolicited advice:
you are much more attractive than you think, and he's much less attractive than you think. if you like his personality, he will look more hot to you, you're not seeing him objectively the way women who don't know him do. please stop overthinking it and go on a date with him. actually this post was a month ago so I'll be annoyed if I read the thread and see that you haven't met up with him already.
if you meet and he's suddenly less attractive, then you're not as compatible as you think. guess what, you're probably still compatible. nothing is perfect, just have fun.
also my 2¢ as to dating up or down - it's a myth. if it's real "dating", as in both sides are genuinely trying to have a relationship, then there is no up or down, you meet in the middle and love each other. or try and fail and split up. I wish I could give you a hug OP, I'm sure you're lovely, and you have enough time to mess this up multiple times and still end up happy.
No. 203627
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>>203598This is the advice. Also frankly men tend to pursue any women who they have a glimmer of interest in and this guy definitely isn’t agonising about your levels of attractiveness in the same way you are or thinking far into the future. Go out with him if you like him, don’t if you don’t. Do it until you stop enjoying yourself instead of thinking about how you’re lucky to be with him or whatever.
> you are much more attractive than you think, and he's much less attractive than you thinkAgreed, I was a weird gremlin of a teen weeb who “became hot” but frankly all I did was learn how to be passably fashionable, do my makeup a little and ask people questions about themselves lmao. Picrel is this ExtraPetite pic I always think of when someone I know is like “I’m incurably ugly” but it’s just that she only wears hoodies and logo shirts. (The original pic is from ten years ago so the “after” outfit is kind of dated but you get the vibe. I do suggest flipping through fashion tags on Pinterest or tumblr and saving down what you like, mostly it’s just dressing proportionally that helps.)
It seems you’re already a very interesting person and I would put that down as a big plus instead of denigrating yourself as merely weird/autistic. I’ve def gone out with extremely beautiful people who it was a strain to talk to, to the point where any attraction I had died.
No. 203643
>>203630It's dating down. Would men think a hot crazy chick is a downgrade from an ugly but stable girl? No they would not.
Dating up or down is an inherently shallow concept and is 90% looks and 10% money/status (but only when it comes to the rich and famous), not an unsuperficial, holistic measure of everything a person has to offer others. Feeling obligated to take everything else about their personality into account is how women got memed into believing men are visual and entitled to value looks alone while women can only care about inner beauty or they're shallow bitches.
No. 203683
>>203679If you want to try to work things out with him you have to say something. It’s true appearance is not the most important thing in relationships but it is
a factor and being fat truly is bad for the body. Tell him you want the best for his health and that you’ve enjoyed losing some weight and how it’s made you feel and would like to include him. I would assume you live together? Help him with meal planning, dump all snacks and unhealthy foods in the house, ask to involve him in whatever workouts you do. Wardrobe ought to fix itself if he loses weight since his clothes won’t be the right size anymore. When he eventually needs replacements tell him you’d like to come along and help him pick better stuff. Give lots of compliments and say what you find attractive, and when he sees himself in something half decent he should go along with it.
No. 209098
>>209083I wish you didn't joke about it anon, in a way that's justifying your bf's terrible treatment. He sounds like an insufferable emotionally constipated ass and this dynamic where you're okay with him looking down on you is
toxic. Remembering things and money management are skills that aren't even really related to intelligence, one is a rote trained ability and the other is its own entire topic that plenty of college-educated people still struggle with. In any case a partner should be patient and willing to help with kindness if there's something you want to improve, not act cold and condescending.
No. 209240
>>209083Nona please be honest with yourself. I don't believe for a second you're dumb, nor do I believe your bf to be as smart as you're saying he is. He's reinforcing your insecurities, making you feel stupid on purpose so he can exert control over you and feel superior. He's feeding his ego at your expense. You deserve to be with someone who respects you and treats you well.
Please work on loving yourself a little more. Maybe start with leaving this pathetic egomaniac.