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I'm not old old but I'm in my late 20's, been in about 5 relationships, longest now being 9yrs.
Having the talk about serious things over and done with a few months in: do you want kids? do you have health issues? marriage or no? family contact or no? future ideas? (do you wanna be a stay at home mom? or vice versa?) career stuff, if this is sorted out and you align, mostly (and for things you aren't, both are open to compromise) it should save a lot of issues and means they're also considering the relationship serious.
Knowing each others boundaries and personal bubbles, lots of people get 'lost' in their relationship and tend to hive mind but I've found those are usually the short-lived or unhappy ones, you are your own individual person, there's nothing wrong with seperate interests nor hobbies and having space to be you, not everything has to fully align to be compatible but there has to be a middle ground.
Pride is a sin and will be a breaker, apologise if you're in the wrong. If you call your partner a slur in the heat of a stressful time, you outright apologise and do not expect to be forgiven (for the name calling, obviously you know you did wrong so there's nothing to forgive). You talk things out, stubbornness just makes cracks appear and if you can't be honest and open with your partner then what's the point of a relationship? So if they're not stubborn or prideful about admitting they're wrong that's a good green flag.
This is a cute thread! Just yesterday I discovered The Gottman Institute, a husband and wife duo who study love and relationships. This particular article is about responding positively to your partner, which strengthens marriage and prevents divorce.https://www.gottman.com/blog/turn-toward-instead-of-away/
The whole website is lovely and worth reading, but this seems to be the ultimate key to a lasting relationship.
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So I came out of an incredibly abusive relationship and I was one of the regulars on red flags after and during my breaking up with him, and now I've been with the most wonderful partner for nearly a year- He is so caring, attentive, thoughtful, and all in all I feel so safe- I'm going to drop a bunch of green flags, both that applied from the beginning and ones that have grown over time and shown me that I'm with the most loving boyfriend:
> incredibly good listener, has never been selfish and is level-headed and mature
> incredibly enthusiastic and grateful for the things that make him happy, can talk for hours like nothing else and has lots of goals and aspirations
> never had any red flags but he used to not be the best with communication, us both having ASD, but when he noticed the difficulties he knuckled down and confronted this when he's had problems with this for donkey's years, that showed me that if there was any issue between us, from the bottom of his heart he'd want to work on it together
> has seen me an absolute mess and still treats me with all of the love and patience he does when I'm completely alright, expresses his gratitude and that I do the same and will say how lucky he is
> never have to beg or ask for anything, he just does things out of love because he wants to
> always supportive and takes an interest in everything from my life to whatever silly little hyperfixations I have, we sperg together happily
> down to earth and gentle, but firm where it matters, like about encouragement and growth together, is the same with friends and family
> treats his mother and sister with respect and support, is the favourite brother by far because he's dependable and sweet, NEVER disrespects women
> if there's anything on his mind big or small he'll say he wants to talk about it, no awkwardness between us, have never argued and have only ever discussed and gotten stronger for it together
> kind to animals and strangers
> not violent or aggressive whatsoever- might shut down gently if annoyed or sad but immediately expresses it to people after and never loses his cool at anyone
> passionate about his interests and motivated, is very motivating and hype to you and your goals too
> goofy but in the very sweet way
> has never been controlling or said anything abusive, never name calls, too respectful
> can stand his ground and values his beliefs
I'm really happy and I look up to him so much and I dunno anons, I never thought I'd get to experience a love even more vibrant than I did when I was eighteen and with the same dude for three years (he cheated and got shitty towards the end) and he was a really good friend to me way before we dated but we just ended up falling for one another and he said from the start that I deserve warmth and love and he's shown me nothing but that
ngl, had to pause to laugh. The relationship is so over after that, that's so specific/intentional and kinda scary because that means they were secretly thinking bigoted things about you the whole time? That's a wolf in sheep's clothing>>178048
some green flags that have helped me know everything was right
>asks how I'm doing during particularly stressful periods>makes me my favorite meal in the morning if I had a rough previous night>knows details about my hobbies and offers to participate and learn more>a history of good friendships/keeping good company >his friends are nice people>is happy at the idea of me branching out and making new friends>deeply empathetic
Empathy is really what it all boils down to, as previously mentioned.