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Big mood. Especially with covid, I feel like I've weeded out a lot of toxic
friendships, or friendships that just left me feeling unfulfilled. I like having more time to focus on myself with only a few close friends, and a few casual aquantences. Working in retail also helps fill that social void for me, after talking to people all day in a busy store that's really the last thing I want to do.
I did that too and pretty much lost all my old friends, and by the time I went to college I was older than most of my classmates. Even though most of them liked similar things I didn’t want to sound too much like a “fellow kid” (and realizing later that was dumb and I didn’t seem like a weirdo at all). Recently I signed up for an adult drawing class so I hope I might see some people there with similar interests.
I also think going to the gym helps a little bit, while I don’t talk much I like being around the same people doing their routines.
I've made life long friends I met in university during my undergrad, but the pandemic and conflicting schedules have made us drift apart. I don't feel close to them as I used to when we had classes together. One got a boyfriend too and would rather spend time with him. I feel so lonely ever since we all graduated. I've tried joining discord groups too (women only servers) and we have a lot of stuff in common like coping with anxiety, hopeless romanticism, similar humour, meme exchanges, anime and vidya recommendations… but the topics never go too deep in fear we might get doxxed, so it feels more like a superficial friendship and a bandaid slapped on top the gaping wound of loneliness. I'm not sure you can even call it a friendship since the topics never get too personal.
Maybe you can try a penpal letter exchange with another person? Like Interpals, though people use that as an international dating site now lol
In my opinion it's best to not have male best friends, unless maybe they're gay and even then it's debatable.
Guy friends that get really close to you usually start to feel something for you or you for them if you're both not too ugly. It's just natural. Relationships are basically deep friendships + attraction. And I feel like friendship with guys also has the 'honeymoon period' when they idealise you after which they get tired of you/realise you're not the same as their imagined person and cut you off/slowly stop trying. Those aren't real friendships anyway.
Maybe there are very rare exceptions but they have to be head over heels in love with their partner and never show any interest in you - those are like unicorns.
Only more superficial male friendships where you don't really get in too deep work in my opinion.
With gay guys, I've legit never met any that weren't overly critical of their female friends, weren't really rude and they always simped for and preferred other men's company when they could.
I'm not making any more male friends for this reason. Even if we had stuff in common, once they realized that I don't want more than friendship, they talk less and less until eventually not at all.
The majority of males only become friends with women because they already have a crush on them and just want to get closer to you through "friendship". I would rather guys just say they are interested outright, instead of faking friendship and waiting weeks to say something. Even if you're taken and make it clear that you only want friendship, they usually lie in wait and will check once in a while to see if you're single and if they're "next in line". Eventually, they get tired of waiting and never talk again.
A lot of male "friends" also use women as their personal therapists. You may listen to their problem and try to help, however, the amount of effort is never returned by the male. Whenever you want to vent, it's just "ok".
As other anon said, it usually only works out if they already have a partner. Be friends with people that put effort into the friendship. You shouldn't have to be the one always initiating conversation or making plans.
I agree anon, male friends are tricky. Like probably a lot of women here, I’ve always naturally found it easier to make male than female friends because of my interests and sense of humor, but it’s tough to be truly close with men, even gay ones. I’ve somehow had falling outs with many of my best gay male friends and have to be careful with my straight male friends not to lead them on, or value those friendships too much for various reasons. When I was younger I’d often grow to value a man’s friendship only to realize he just wanted to fuck me or would never value the friendship like he did friendships with guy friends. I’m glad I’m mature enough to know better now.
But I’m lonely because I struggle to make female friends. I don’t know where to meet other cool women with dorky niche interests like me, especially as an adult. Was browsing my local egl tag on Instagram yesterday thinking ‘maybe I can fit in with those people’ but everyone looked highly autistic, even by my standards.
>>175095>The majority of males only become friends with women because they already have a crush on them and just want to get closer to you through "friendship". I would rather guys just say they are interested outright, instead of faking friendship and waiting weeks to say something. Even if you're taken and make it clear that you only want friendship, they usually lie in wait and will check once in a while to see if you're single and if they're "next in line". Eventually, they get tired of waiting and never talk again.
This is a perfect description of several male “friendships” I’ve had, it’s actually depressing. One of them had a gf, never hit on me, was friends with my bf, all perfect, right? The second his gf broke up with him, he starts dropping some not so subtle hints, texting me all the time, sending (revealing) selfies, it was bizarre (his best friend was my bf). He eventually got a new gf and completely stopped talking to me, nice.
I do have a few male friends now, but they’re mostly mutuals/not that close. I wish I had more female friends with similar interests, most people I know are pretty normie. Close male friendships are just a waste of time because you never know their intentions. One day they just start dropping hints and bombarding you with sex “jokes” and if you tell them no, they’ll say they were just joking and not interested in you anyway (and then ghost you).
I am kind of wary of making online friends due to bad experiences. I prefer irl relationships but it just seems to get harder with the pandemic, also people in public usually just want to stick to themselves. I don't really want to join discord groups or anything but I wish I could find a small group of people to chat with.>>175095
You hit the nail on the head, anon. Male friendships rarely work. When people would say all men want to fuck their female friends it really is true, and when it's too much effort and you're not reciprocating they drop you completely
Making friends as an adult is difficult for everyone. Unlike in school or university when you're all in the same environment for the majority of the day, and all have the shared experience of learning on that campus, there is no easy convenience in the adult world. And I agree with other anons here that making online friends isn't a substitute for irl friends for most people. What I'm trying to say to everyone here that feels like a failure/odd/weird for not having many or any friends as an adult: you're not, you're okay, it IS difficult.
That being said, I moved to a city a few years ago where I knew no one, and here's some advice I have:
1) Avoid making your work friends your friend group. It can be an easy trap to fall into because you see these people almost everyday (like with the school environment), but mixing personal and professional life is dangerous and might bite you in the ass. The friendships will also be one of convenience rather than shared interests, so don't be surprised if when someone from work moves companies you never hear from them again.
2) Following on from that, shared interests are the best way to meet people you'll be most likely to form friendships with. That's the key and that's where you need to put your time - what do you like doing and then search your local area for groups you can join. Yes, COVID has fucked us all over here, but hopefully this year we'll see irl areas open up again and in the meantime, it's good for you to experiment with hobbies to see if something new catches your interest, which opens up more doors to meeting possible friends.
3) The first step to friendship is regular contact. Friendships take time. It's also the hardest part, they really do, even more so as an adult. People have complicated lives when they're adults, some have responsibilities that take up a lot of their time and it's important to understand you might need to wait months until someone you speak to regularly can be called a friend. Never underestimate how much consistent talking can achieve. This is another reason joining clubs/groups in person is a good route to take, because when people are at those clubs they're focusing on it and you can have conversations without waiting for their reply.
I'll finish this post off with details on my actual experience (apologies for the blogpost):
When I moved, first thing I did socially was join a local gym, mostly to take part in some group exercise classes. This was great for me, because I could get talking to a few of the girls before class. Eventually, after about 2 months of meeting this one girl twice a week at the class, I asked if she wanted to get a coffee after, she said yes and then that became a bit of a regular thing. These conversations became more personal, we swapped numbers are started talking. I told her I was thinking of trying another class and she wanted to check it out with me, so we were officially going together. After about 8 months of knowing each other we had started hanging out regularly without using the gym as an excuse, and 2 years later she is one of my closest friends.
I met another close friend at a figure drawing class. I am shit at art, and this was a bit expensive because it was a course, but I felt it would be fun and maybe I'd meet some people from it. Well I did get lucky, and 2 girls I met there were very talkative. Again, after a few classes I asked if they wanted to go for a drink after (this one had the advantage of being in the evening, so we could go to a bar after) and that helped greatly in moving from strangers > friendly. I kept in contact with them after the class, and I pitched meeting up one day to do some life drawing together. Went really well and it kept us connected over our shared hobby outside of the class. (my drawings are still shit tho lol). After about 6 months of meeting them (again, it takes time), I invited them over for dinner and drinks, and then I knew we'd crossed in to friend territory.
So, join local groups and clubs, keep consistent in talking to the people you like at those clubs, when you feel you have a comfortable relationship with them try to extend your interactions outside of the club, and after consistently doing that see if you can meet them outside of the club altogether.
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I have a lot of male friends I'm gonna be honest I'm about to do a cull and tell half of them to fuck off. I'm sick of my dude friends, they constantly quote Shoe0nHead and Blaire White. Whenever I'm having a woman problem like a painful period or my endo & PCOS are acting up the only thing they'll do is begin telling me how the female experience isn't actually bad and women have it easy and that its probably not that painful and they think its unfair women get sympathy. Like I never asked for your stupid fucking woman monologue I just want someone to relate to my pain and have fun with wtf. I thought I was getting along with a new group of male friends and then after 30 minutes they all started calling me a "fat dumb bitch whose so woman she can only miss" for missing a shot and losing overtime in a game which I thought at first was a joke so laughed but then I realsied they were actual incels. I'm so over it men can go die.
Anyway, I'd love some good female friends. Ones that just want to play games and chat without trying to push their weird anti-women agenda on me which I didn't ask for. I'm so sick of talking with men I've done it every day since COVID began and I just want a break. A chick to talk to about body stuff, life stuff and more feminine hobby stuff would be a beautiful escape. I had one really good female friend from high school but she began ghosting my messages two years ago and only cares about being an ERP sugar baby in an MMO which is so fucking cringe. I have no fucking clue how to befriend girls. Its never been a natural thing for me which sounds bizarre as a woman but its unfortunately true. The ONLY way I've met chicks are meeting them through their boyfriends whom I'm already friends with, and most of the time they want to stay distant and not really interact. I'm currently at university (though its online due to COVID) and doing a nearly entirely-male course, so have no clue how I'd go about reaching out and meeting chicks.
How have you guys met your good gal pals? What hobbies did you meet them through/what hobbies did you get into together? Any tips for staying close with current female friends?
Idk why but I find it really easy to make female friends. Men bullied me a lot throughout my life and those who didn't have let me down hard so I'm still kinda shy and reserved around them. I feel at ease with women.
I think that a big part of getting along with women is not seeing them as a competition. I'm 'attracted' in a way to some women and I love to talk to them, lift them up and compliment them. When I feel this non-romantic attraction to some girl, we usually really get along and mesh well. So I'd say trust your gut telling you who to befriend.
Now this might be controversial - maybe it's superficial and against what movies would make you think but in my experience, the better looking women are a bit nicer. Not the plastic pick-me ones, I mean the classy looking beautiful women. They don't have to be born pretty, but those that look clean and confident. The objectively worse looking women in my experience usually talk behind one's back, lack self-confidence and that makes them see other women as a competition. Of course it's not universal at all and there are pretty bitches too. But this has really been a pattern throughout my life, the prettiest girls I know are actually loyal and sweethearts.
This is actually very helpful and it gives me hope I can actually make friends! It's very applicable in real life and down to earth compared to every other "how to make friends" I've read, thank you!
And I won't sage myself so that people can see your post
Sorry your male friends are like that, they sound the worse possible version of a man that can exist lol. Why are they even your friends if they just put you down?
I'd totally be your friend and chat if we were allowed to un-anon ourselves (the lolcow friend finder was stopped due to this)
>>175481>How have you guys met your good gal pals?
Bumble BFF mostly, some FB groups (“women of city” kinda thing), occasionally at an in-person event. >What hobbies did you meet them through/what hobbies did you get into together?
I have a few stable hobbies (pole dancing, martial arts, crafty things like pottery and painting, photography, backpacking) that I’m always willing to share with others but I try to stay open to anything from the infamous brunch to yoga, kayaking and impromptu events. The more you’re willing to try and explore together the better, and you might end up enjoying some activities you didn’t expect. >Any tips for staying close with current female friends?
Check in texts, share something you did/send pics of something cool now and then, memes, honest random questions, “Hey I saw x thing in the city/wanted to try z, do you wanna come with?”
I'd totally be willing to add people on Discord/Steam but have no idea how to from an anon board without breaking site rules kek.>>175523
Thanks for these tips I had no idea Bumble was a thing until now. I'll check it out.
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I wish I still had a regular group of friends to hang out with again. I feel like I do better in a group of 3-4 people, but at this point I'll take even having one very close friend. Problem is I feel apprehensive approaching already established groups of friends and kind of awkward with one-on-one conversations with people I don't know well. It's why I haven't really found any meaningful relationships through stuff like forums or discord bc it feels like I'm just shoving myself into an already established click.
The weirdest part to me is that my past friends have told me I was the one who became friends with them. I don't remember how I was so open and outgoing because I've been wrapped up in depression/anxiety for the past few years and it's made me more reserved I guess. I really want to put myself into more social situations but I'm apprehensive about going to bars/clubs alone.
How to change acquaintances into friends? I am very good at small talk but very shy at opening up people and myself and actually becoming close friends.
And anyone here has a friend group where they don't really feel like people there actually like each other? I hang out with them, it's fun having brunches and walks but they don't seem happy to see me (or each other) and I wouldn't ever talk about actual personal stuff. They feel very fake towards each other, gossip a lot and happy when one of them fails at something.
I feel like a lot of groups are like that, my exbf had a friend group that was also just about badmouthing people/each other behind their backs and drinking till they dropped. >>180974
I have the same problem because I transferred into already established uni class. I feel so left out when I hang out with them and they mention something in their private group chat. But I can't blame them for not having me in there when we barely know each other and they've known each other for 4 years.
You need to show people you like spending time with them; opening up will be important too later but hopefully it will be easier for you to get over your shyness with time. Include people you like in activities outside the usual way you meet - so for example if you're work colleagues who eat lunches together, invite them to your house for the weekend or plan some activity outside of work, it will clearly show that you want to invest in this relationship and if they feel the same they'll do the same for you and the bond will grow. >anyone here has a friend group where they don't really feel like people there actually like each other?
This is very typical for work colleagues, you gotta spend time with someone so you tolerate certain people just to not be alone, but deep inside all of these people dont have much in common, and are not willing to find anything in common as they're just trying to pass the time and go back to their "real" friends outside of work.
I have a few good friends irl but we barely talk. Making online friends is hard for me though. I get too shy to talk to my twitter mutuals out of fear of awkwardness and different time zones. >>175481
Nona if youre still out there I want to play vidya with you. And on god do I feel your pain. When I was in senior highschool I was in a mostly male classroom and they were the most misogynistic things on earth. If they weren't programming they were being racist and talking about hentai.
Most of my close friends are women and I’ve made them online, they have changed my life for the better when it comes to things like jobs/schools/interests so I really encourage it. I recommend focusing on becoming friends with people you vibe with in a community instead of making the online community the locus of your interactions. That way the friendships you make can outlast the community since I think every internet circle collapses without fail.
Also, I recommend thinking about the types of friendships you’d like to have. Do you want to know people who always have something new to say? Who you can sperg about your interests with? Or someone to go to the club/partied with? Or share hobbies together with? It really helps looking for friends by thinking about the types of relationships you want to have with people. I have friends I don’t mind seeing once every other week for dinner, friends I text hourly, friends I only talk about hobbies with etc.
I’m was extremely socially awkward and isolated when I was a teenager, but I taught myself to become “popular” socially, so just know it’s not an innate trait that can never be learned. If you have trouble breaking the ice with new people I suggest pretending you’re a journalist interviewing them. Every single person has something interesting they know and teasing that out is always interesting and people like others who are genuinely curious about their interests.
Yep! I have avoidant personality disorder and my friends grew tired of me not answering their messages and calls. They got it in their head that I hated them and that 'they wouldn't force me to hang out with them'. I tried to make them understand that avoidance is like a literal addiction and even though I genuinely love them, it still sucks me in sometimes since it's a decades old habit. They just didn't understand. I think one of them was convinced that I'm gay and I was ashamed of coming out of the closet and this had something to do with me disappearing at least once a month kek. We haven't talked ever since (this was months ago).
Looking back, we didn't have many things in common and sometimes I feel like it's better this way. But this just might be my avoidant side of my brain rationalizing what happened
I want to have just one GC/Radfem female friend so bad. I bet it would cure my depression. The few friends I have are either pornaddicted wannabe feminist male libtards or mildly neoliberal/conservative and I feel so alienated sometimes. Most of them are male and you can't connect with them like with a female friend.
I don't know how to meet anyone. I work from home and there's still hardly anything going on due to Covid restrictions. I made some twitter friends but it was all anonymous and in the end pointless since they were all in different countries.
Anyways I won't give up the hope.
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How do I find/make friends when I don't like drinking or going out? Where do I find other people who also feel that way? I just wish I had one friend or a small friend group I could lazily hang around with at home and they can play a game while I read a book or play a boardgame (yeah I sound like a granny but whatever) or watch a movie with.
I just returned to education but I'm mid twenties when most of my class is younger than 20. I've made "friends" with girls in my class but that's really just convenience friendship to have people to hang around with at school, we don't click enough to hang out outside of a schoolsetting.
Sorry if this is newfagging, but to second what >>202869
is saying, everyone here keeps mentioning woman-only Discord servers, but no one's saying where to look for them or how to find them. Is there a lolcow Discord somewhere?
I found the first one I joined through Ovarit. They required voice confirmation and a full interview process. Ended up joining other women's servers from members advertising in the original one (for more niche interests). Sorry, like everyone else I don't want to get doxxed or bring scrotes to women's spaces but if you do minimal searching you should be able to find some options.
I think there was a lc Discord at some point but it immediately devolved into a bunch of underage trolling and idiocy.
That honestly sounds perfect. I don't like going out too much either, the occasional stroll around town just chatting is perfect though. Watching a movie or reading together is also really nice.
I also just have convenience friendships, but for me it's also hard because I work from home and didn't go to university.
I'm considering picking a new place in my city every week and going there - like a museum or book store. I also like fitness so I can sign up to a club maybe.
What country are you in?