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No. 161744

Anons, do you think true love is real? Like real, unconditional love? Have you ever experienced it? Do you think it’s a lie? I want to know.

No. 161748

Love should never be unconditional. I don't know what true love is, or if it exists, but if it does it's certainly conditional, has healthy boundaries and promotes both parties to be the best version of themselves for each other. Unconditional love is unhealthy and dangerous.

No. 161749

I was only nine years old. I loved Shrek so much, I had all the merchandise and movies. I'd pray to Shrek every night before I go to bed, thanking for the life I've been given. "Shrek is love", I would say, "Shrek is life". My dad hears me and calls me a retard. I knew he was just jealous for my devotion of Shrek. I called him a cunt. He slaps me and sends me to go to sleep. I'm crying now and my face hurts. I lay in bed and it's really cold. A warmth is moving towards me. I feel something touch me. It's Shrek. I'm so happy. He whispers in my ear, "This is my swamp". He grabs me with his powerful ogre hands, and puts me on my hands and knees. I spread my ass-cheeks for Shrek. He penetrates my butthole. It hurts so much, but I do it for Shrek. I can feel my butt tearing as my eyes start to water. I push against his force. I want to please Shrek. He roars a mighty roar, as he fills my butt with his love. My dad walks in. Shrek looks him straight in the eye, and says, "It's all ogre now". Shrek leaves through my window. Shrek is love. Shrek is life.

No. 161750

Ehm, I do believe we have soulmates but that they don't have to be romantic. In very rare occasions, some people's soulmates are their romantic partners and we call them "true love" but I think it's very unlikely our "true love" is accesible to us.
I do believe love can be unconditional, but for me it's more of an inconditional affection, maybe just because we're used and close to that person. People who are mentally healthy can understand that you can have some type of kindliness with someone even if you have decided to part ways with them, for whatever reason

No. 161752

maybe. idk. i feel so much love and appreciation for my friends and i feel a maternal sort of love for my pets, but i've never felt romantic love. it's been 30 years and i'm fine, though i am curious about it. if it happens it happens. i ain't chasing it down.

No. 161753

i think most men are incapable of love tbh

No. 161754

i love my dog unconditionally

No. 161755

Cute! I love my cat unconditionally!

No. 161756

What IS true love anyway?

No. 161758

I believe people and animals can feel genuine love, but some of them don't know how to express it or are not mature enough to experience it in a healthy way

No. 161760

I don't believe it's real for me, personally. I don't think I will ever reach a point where I could unconditionally love anyone. The whole "I'd take a bullet for (insert loved one)" schtick has never resonated with me. I even told my boyfriend I wouldn't wait for him if he ever went to jail or prison. I've always just been a chiefly individualistic person.

No. 161762

I thought I was falling in true love, but then I found out the whole time he was telling me, "I've never felt anything like this before," he was talking to other women.

No. 161764

I haven't been in love with any of my short relationships looking back. And by now I honestly don't want any big flaming love, I'm not sure I'm even capable of that, I find it hard to see the good in people. I think finding a guy who's putting in appropriate effort into a relationship, is motivated and loves me conditionally would be better than someone who just likes the same fucked up shit that I do.

No. 161768

Real unconditional love? That's a domain strictly for pets lol. People change and can be unpredictable, lasting 'love' between two people with opposing wants and desires is absolutely possible but it is work in the long run. Honeymoon periods end.

No. 161771

Do you care about your family?

No. 161773

Only if it's homosexual

No. 161774

I care about them and love them immensely but I'd never die for them. I realize how selfish this is though. That being said, I'd donate an organ to them if I could. But if I'm in a life or death situation, I don't think I'd sacrifice myself.

No. 161782

I believe in true love, I've lived it, but it's nothing like the Disney and Hallmark shit and I know that even that sounds cliche now lol
but it's real
not for everyone, and that much is true, but every now and then the nonsense of the world gets crossed in such a way that something clicks right.
I know it happened for me, I've seen it in other people, it's not always linear, it's not always cute, but true, nontoxic, non-weird love is real.

No. 161787


My cat is sleeping on my chest and ripped a fart right into my face, and I just lay there and took it so I wouldn't disturb her.

No. 161788

With men, no. Dated a few and currently in a long term relationship. There's nothing wrong with them, but I just don't feel that same unconditional love that I have for my puppies. Also men often frustrate and disappoint me lol

No. 161796

>Like real, unconditional love?
Yeah, from my parents. Unconditional romantic love doesn't exist and is not something to strive for as >>161748 said.

As for just 'true love'… I've never been in love, never had someone be in love with me, I'm not really qualified to talk about it but my gut feeling is that it's possible but rare and very likely to be temporary. I also think men are pretty much incapable of it you judge love by our standards (faithfulness even when it comes to porn, loving someone even when they age etc).

No. 161803

Yes. I felt it with my highschool sweetheart. Even adults were envious of our connection, love, and respect for eachother.

Here’s where the unconditional, true love aspect comes in - we broke up as we both wanted to pursue different things. It destroyed us both but we let each other go, out of love and respect.

To this day we remain best friends, and still support each other and love each other from different states. He comes to see me every so often, and nothing has changed in terms of our appreciation, respect, and adoration. We get along and act silly exactly as we did when we were kids, no matter how much time has passed. Sometimes we wonder if we’ll get married in the future, if our life paths intersect in the right ways.

True love changes form, but is always there regardless of time and space. It is not possessive.

No. 161807

That word has me thrown.

I've been in a codependent relationship where we both loved each other and would absolutely accept anything the other did. It clearly wasn't healthy or Disney appropriate, I hope I never lose myself that way again.

Now I'm in the most healthy, supporting LTR I could ever imagine, we're the couple that acts like the parents of our friendship couple because of how secure we are but it's not "unconditional". If I went out tomorrow and slept with a random person or shot his mom I don't think he would still want to be with me. Imo respect is important for love.

True love

No. 161810

Anyone who believes in unconditional love between romantic partners should grow up and get some self esteem. The only true unconditional love is the one parents feel for their child

No. 161812

>The only true unconditional love is the one parents feel for their child

No. 161813

I love this anon unconditionally.

No. 161830

what about pets though?

No. 161832

I feel like the term "unconditional love" might be misconstrued? I think it's not the obligation to accept anything your partner does but it's more about feeling itself. Like, it stays no matter what and having it you're able to go through some pretty difficult times together. But it doesn't mean you can't be upset, annoyed or angry or have any standards at all. I think it's more about being able to accept your partner when they have some health condition, mental disorder or something, or generally undergo some serious changes in life. I believe in such kind of love.

I'm not a fan of the term "soulmates" though, maybe I also misunderstand it but it seems dangerously idealistic. Like there's only one right person for you in this world that's perfect for you in every sense. I feel like it can make someone doubt their current relationship if they don't make them happy and excited at all times. Or it can make one rely too much on the coincidences and "fate" rather than paying attention to more important things.

The way "true love" is presented in some media and literature is nocuous af. It can either make you think that true love=codependency or that it's some kind of fairy tale. Neither of these notions helps one build strong and healthy relationships.

No. 161838

Agree, I can feel the pure self-sacrificing love my mom has for me and if I ever become a mom I'd try my best to be the same.
Also agree with pets. And tbh to a lesser extent >>161773 with rare het exceptions.

No. 161839

I don’t think romantic and unconditional love are the same, but I think you can experience both especially when you’ve been with someone for a long time.

Love isn’t always fluffy and warm, and I think if you truly love someone you’re more likely to be compassionate and that’s where you might experience the unconditional love.

I find it quite hard to explain and I’m not good at words but I hope someone gets me!

No. 161859

I think it can be real, but not in the way depicted by media. I feel like it’s probably something a couple has to work toward rather than it just happening at first sight. People grow and change all the time and I think for relationships to last people have to adapt to each other, which can be difficult to do. I’ve never experienced it though. I sort of wonder what’s so good about having a romantic partner anyway.

No. 161871

Yes, but it's extremely rare, like winning the lottery rare. I have a family member that has been married since she was a teen (her husband was also a teen) and they have been together ever since. No cheating, abuse or anything like that. She got cancer and he was right beside her the entire time. She's the only person that I know that has had such a good marriage. I think we have been brainwashed by disney and other media and that causes people to have unrealistic expectations and leads to disappointment and in the worst case abuse. Our life goals shouldn't be centered around finding 'the one' especially looking at today's divorce rate and how bad marriages are in general.

No. 161899

Would you even want someone to love you unconditionally? Someone who doesn't care what you do because uwu unconditional love? idk to me it sounds like taking someone for granted while also not being interested in them enough to actually care about their behaviour.

No. 161911

yes it is real, I thought it was made up / exaggerated bs until i experienced it

No. 161932

I think true/unconditional love is only for biological family (adoption from when the baby is small may also be possible) between a parent and child. Despite having a bad relationship with my mother, i still believe its possible or is on some basis true. Romantically i dont think it should/can; especially how media portrays it.

Im happily married and i would stay with my husband if he was old, sick and or dying. I probably wouldnt stay if he was a serial cheater and i would leave immediately if he decided to troon out or become abusive. So i think this technically is conditional love.

No. 161935

I guess it’s a selfish fantasy. There’s something innately appealing about someone finding you so lovable that they abandon normal expectations. However, a deeper understanding of the situation would be that the person is unhealthily fixated on the relationship for some reason. That’s not so flattering.

I don’t know if I believe in true love. My family is messy and I feel distant from them. The feeling is mutual. I’m sure my mother cares about me, but she put her children last all the time, so I don’t think she genuinely loved any of us.

I have thought I loved people I dated, but those feelings always faded away except for with one guy. I don’t think that is true love though, even though it feels as if it could be. I’m very aware of my mental issues and know deep down I’ve been using this “love” as a cope for a while. He seems to have strong feelings for me too, though sometimes doesn’t care at all. We’re not together, but being similarly fucked up and mutually using each other as a cope feels fair.

Maybe that’s what many people’s experience of love is.

No. 161950

File: 1606933743947.jpeg (29.39 KB, 540x405, 37B968B5-8191-4B2F-BF65-21A1BF…)

Not caring about or paying attention to someone is the opposite of unconditional love. True love fully recognises a person's flaws and chooses to embrace them even in times of struggle. Of course you should encourage your loved one's growth and help them make healthy choices. It's important to hold them accountable, too, when they mess up. True love simply means that no matter how often they fail, you recognise that as unavoidable human error and continue to support them.

I don't think that's codependency or unhealthy fixation. Plenty of people confuse those situations as love… If the "unavoidable human error" is a pattern of awful crimes with intent to harm, if your safety and morality are constantly undermined, then the relationship must be reevaluated. You cannot unconditionally love someone who does not love you in return.

That's because it has to go both ways. True love is not an internal feeling, but a shared experience. A connection. Like any relationship, it requires time, patience, communication, and trust. Though it's not always easy or straightforward or sensible, it's real. True love exists.

Pic not super related. Just reminds me of how despite feeling out of place and so surprised that someone like me can be loved, my darling keeps me safe and warm.

No. 161969

>Pic not super related. Just reminds me of how despite feeling out of place and so surprised that someone like me can be loved, my darling keeps me safe and warm.

That's so shellfish

No. 161984

>it has to go both ways. True love is not an internal feeling, but a shared experience. A connection.
Anons listen to this woman for the love of all that is good and holy. I see an endless stream of women crying over the scrotes they "love" who treat them worse than trash. No. To stay with someone who degrades you means you are enabling the worst parts of them (not that it excuses their behavior) and allowing yourself to be diminished. That is not love, it is a bastardization of it.

No. 162086

I am not sure. The love at first sight-thing to me is more obsession and greed or…limerence? I don't know. That is the kind of thing were I want to have that specific person & where it hurts in my chest. I have to think 24/7 about them and every fucking detail. Also it builds this weird, almost painful electric connection when I look them in the eyes because I want that person just so fucking bad.

I think the reason why me & my current boyfriend of 5 years are functioning so well is because I never was this obsessed or limerent about him. I am very sure that he experiences some degree of "racy feelings" about me tho.
I never had some kind of overpowering feeling when I first kissed him or looked him into the eyes so there never was a power imbalance. It is more a respectful, calm feeling of love - I am sure that he makes my life and emotional wellbeing better. We also never had vaginal sex because I just cannot do it for some reason so that is cearly a downside.

No. 162092

NTA but wait what, how the fuck is that selfish?

No. 162093

lmao anon go to sleep it says shell fish like the image is a shell fish (a crab or whatever)

No. 162103

It's a lobster…

No. 162106

whatever I'm ESL I call everything crab

No. 258066

scrotes can't love

No. 258067

Maybe they could love another scrote. But love a woman, no.

No. 258068

unconditional love is for parents to feel towards young children. love does not have to be unconditional to be strong and meaningful, and having those kinds of boundaries on affection is good. people who hurt us or others in unforgivable ways don't deserve our love.

No. 258070

parents don't feel unconditional love, that's a meme.

No. 258071

Even parental love is conditional these days. I was shown from as early as 10 romantic feelings trump the apparent unconditional love for a child. I was waylaid long ago for other romantic prospects and its just been a theme throughout my dating life

No. 258072

Nope. Faggots pass aids to other men and keep cheating on men just as much as they do to women.

No. 258076

no but i think scrotes don’t fully accept or believe that women are people so they’re not capable of genuinely loving us. i do believe scrotes have unconditional loyalty, respect and love for other men though, especially misogynistic straight scrotes

No. 258081

Most people have a series of long term relationships where it's all love and it's usually 'true' in that moment. I don't think true love needs to be forever in order to count as genuine love.

Sometimes love isn't enough to make a relationship work beyond a few years but I think you can have 3 or 4 loves in a lifetime easily. I used to look at things in a more fairytale 'one and done' forever kind of way but I don't at this stage.

No. 258085

I believe in true love, having found it myself it feels so warm, healing, supportive, fun and full of growth.
I wish all you nonnas luck I believe it really is out there.

No. 258100

I think real unconditional love is so damn rare that I'll never experience it, aside from my parents loving me unconditionally.

No. 258248

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Only between a mother and daughter. Fathers are scrotes so they're incapable of love, and boymoms are pickmes who fear their sons subconsciously and wish to placate them. Sons, of course, also being incapable of love since they're scrotes too. The closest a scrote can feel "love" is towards his son. But really, that's only cause he sees the son as a mirror image of himself. He gave him his y chromosome after all.

No. 261111


No. 261113

checked and devastated

No. 261114

Adult relationships are conditional, by their very nature. It's a good thing, we're meant to earn our keep in our partner's life. Doesn't mean they should drop us like a ton of bricks over minor things but it does mean that we should remember to offer something good to the other party. That being said I am a bit of a romantic and I've always fallen for people on first sight.

My current gf and I fell for each other on first sight too, which is the first time I've had the other person feel the exact same way about me. It's incredible that it's so mutual and she's absolutely crazy about me just like I am for her. Doing things for each other comes easy and we are very attentive to each other's needs. It's wonderful to care so deeply, considering we were both neglected by past partners. Early on we actually both observed that it felt like we already knew each other for years, even though we'd actually known each other for a few weeks. When it's right, it's right.

Soulmates I don't know about. I don't really believe in anything metaphysical so the concept is not interesting to me.

No. 261137

I can't love any partner as much as i love my cat. I think my mothering instinct is so much stronger than anything i could feel to a person i'm in a relationship with. When i have a baby i think it'll be the same as with my cat. It makes me sad to admit it because i know some people can feel so much love to their partners, but it's just how it is. Gotta live with it. I can totally fall in love, but it'll always fade away soon.

No. 261165

I believe it exists but it's not for me.

No. 262523

File: 1652083894948.png (128.98 KB, 680x464, 959.png)

Not really and I think it actually sets too many expectations. Back in the day we didn't try to seek everything from just one person who has to fulfill our every need and love us unconditionally. It sets us up for failure and it can become very distressing when you temporarily don't feel as strongly or genuinely lose interest because they basically don't keep up their end of the bargain. People will drop all their friends and spend time with just their significant other, trying to live together in some sort of perfect bubble, because that's what love is portrayed as in a lot of media. I genuinely think Disney has fucked us up. I think you have to view it in a Don Quixote kind of way, romanticism is lovely, the hardcore realists "love is temporary and just a chemical" will miss opportunities and happiness that way, but there is a kernel of truth. There is no other half or soulmate out there, it takes hard work and maybe it's fake it till you make it. You can never stop wooing them and romancing them even if people think it's sappy and cringe, there is no true love eternal flame which will keep burning without you feeding it. You also need to make sure to not burden your partner too much and still have friends and support outside of them, because they can't fulfill your every need. Disclaimer I'm single and a lesbian, so not saying women have to woo men and I'm probably talking out of my ass and know nothing

No. 262526

>Back in the day we didn't try to seek everything from just one person who has to fulfill our every need and love us unconditionally
Wasn't this thing even more common back in the day tho? Like when having a lot of partners was frowned upon. or do you mean during caveman times

No. 262531

Back in the day people didn't even marry for love, so there wasn't this concept of true love. People would have extramarital affairs if they wanted love (not saying this was a good thing) and they definitely didn't expect their partner to provide everything for them. They kept close contact with their friends and family, others in the village. It's probably partially why the romanticism movement started and the "courtly love" movement prior to that (romanticism is a revival of chivalry/courtly love). But I think that modern people have gone too far and take it too seriously and are too perfectionistic about it. Back in the day they didn't do this weird shit modern people do where they stop talking to their friends and go live in a bubble with their partner, expecting them to share every interest and thought with you. Even within all the romanticism and poetry, there was still this sense of work in progress, "love as desire never to be fulfilled". Now people freak out when things aren't naturally perfect and will break up or cheat if they feel like someone isn't their "soul mate" or "twin flame" or whatever they come up with. I base my opinions on Don Quixote, Esther Perel's books (relationship therapist) and literature on romanticism and chivalry.

No. 262535

esther perel is a dumbass and so are you, if you are surrounded by people who close off into a bubble the moment they enter a relationship that's your issue but it's by no means universal. if you're a fan of perel, relationship advice subreddit is probably your home.

No. 262536

I think it does but it's incredibly rare and most relationships are not true love. Everything that has felt like love to me has faded after the puppy love phase.

Also I think 99.9999% of men are incapable of love. So yeah.

No. 262537

I disagree. 11 years in and we're still chuffed with eachother the same way we were when we first met. Granted we are very silly and enjoy the little things with eachother but it really helps. We still hug and kiss as much as when we first met.
I think true love exists and I hope other anons find it.

No. 262538

I found her from an interview on "Zomergasten" and you apparently missed my disclaimer

No. 262541

Which is why I said it was rare, not impossible. I'm happy for you anon

No. 262543

true. sorry friend.
I know it's out there, don't worry, you'll find true love I promise.

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