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Anyone male or female that dated someone so much younger has issues and more red flags than the Chinese army
I'm what people call a cougar, and here are my reasons.
Underlying conditions: I never wanted to settle/marry, never wanted kids. My primary motivator for getting together with someone is sex. I'm not looking for anything more in a partner because I'm not looking for a life partner, I'm looking for a playmate.
Fact: the older the man, the lower the testosterone levels, the physical fitness, and the general enthusiasm for sex.
I just want to have fun before I die, you know? A single dad of two-three kids or a business executive consumed by his job or just your average middle-aged man jaded by life don't have anything to offer to me, and I don't have anything to offer to them.
I have no desire to be your baby momma, your solace and confidant, your dependable rock, your success, your whatever woman-shaped hole you are trying to fill.
I just want sex and fun. As do young men. It's a win-win.
I'm currently in an age gap relationship. It's about to be 2 years by this friday. I'm 20 and he is 26. It's weird to think about sometimes…knowing that he lived a whole life before i came into the picture but i still find myself attracted to him nonetheless.
We make it work :P
"knowing that he lived a whole life before i came into the picture"
He lived a whole life by 24?
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My bf is like 9 years older than me. We met when I was 21. He didn't seek me out due to age and we seem to match up quite well in terms of "maturity" but I still feel like I'm missing out sometimes. I really like him but I can imagine our relationship would probably be stronger if we were the same age, it defiantly doesn't make it sexier or more fun or whatever.
I often feel like my bf compares himself to me and what I've accomplished and what he hasn't at his age. He tries to hide it but I can tell it makes him feel bad. I have more free time than him and want to have fun together (and don't mind doing the work to set it up for both of us) but he's putting himself through a lot of work and schooling and is stressed out by his student loans so that gets in the way of hanging out etc.
It's also just hard to separate what is our personality and what is the age sometimes. We kind of have a Dharma/Greg or Jeremy/Mark type of relationship where I'm more ~free-spirited~ but i'm not free spirited because im in my twenties i'm free spirited because I really put having fun first tbh. It's just a value of my family that no matter how shitty stuff is you can always do a little bit to make some happiness. He doesn't outright shit on me and I'm not insane about it but I do get deflated. I can't tell if he's grumpy because he's older and is feeling the pressure of if he's just "like that"
sorry y'all thanks for this thread it was nice to vent a bit
pic related me trying to have fun with my bf
I'm the 9 years anon do you live in the usa? That's where I'm from and it's not wildly taboo but it is kind of a long gap here to most people.
But you did sort of help because I'm starting to think my boyfriend is just spiritually an old geezer and it's not his actual age lmao.
I kind of feel like Americans are a lot stricter when it comes to age differences.
I live in Europe and my parents got together than she was 16 and he was 19 - which would be considered a crime in the US, right? I also know many guys in their mid 20s dating underage girls. Many even completely rule out girls their age. My friend's father is 20 years older than her mom, my 16yo coworker is dating a 30yo and nobody bats an eye. A friend of mine is 23 and dating a 17yo and while my sister and I find that gross my mom thinks it's completely a-okay. I guess it's the older generation who is very lax when it comes to stuff like that (no idea why), while younger people (but only the more educated ones) think similarly to foreigners. I also remember my friend dating a mexican guy who immediately broke it off when he found out she's underage - despite her being about to turn 18 shortly after that.
I completely disagree with OP. For centuries older man + younger woman has been the norm, but since Heidi started dating a (gross) somewhat young guy everybody and their mom has been losing their shit for months. They got together when he was in his late 20s, so no longer that vulnerable, plus she's a literal supermodel. His band is flopping hard right now, so he's essentially not any different from some dumb bimbo marrying an old dude for money, nothing to feel sorry for. I think she's annoying as hell but in this case people are only outraged because an "older" woman dares to do something out of the norm, something that men have been doing for ages.
And it's not happening super often lately, you probably can't name more than 5 examples.
I'm 39, men in their early 20's.
I meet them IRL, never online.
I just wanted to get laid tbh>>125436
Could have sworn we've had dedicated cougar threads before. On lolcow at least it didn't seem to be a rare preference.
Not to mention that they're still maturing physically. In a couple years they could grow taller, get hairier, become less boyishly soft, etc.
Sadly the best bet is to go after youthful looking men in their twenties. Ideal end is a (modertely) emotionally mature 18-year-old bf who has the genes to maintain his youthful looks, since then he's cute even longer.
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My fiancé is 20 and I am 28. It's a significant difference, and our relatives always point it out. He has a huge fetish for older women/mommy types/gentle femdom and I love to inluge in it from time to time.
That being said, the main reason our relationship works out so well is that I am really immature. I'm a literal diagnosed autist kek, I still have childish interests and behavior patterns. Sometimes I feel ashamed for dating him, and I've even suggested that he should try to date women his age but he refused. I love him a lot, but sometimes I feel really gross and predatory.
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Any anons here familiar with Aaron Taylor-Johnson? He was in Kick-Ass and a bunch other films, and was an up and coming British teen heartthrob in the late 2000s/early 2010s.
He's currently married to Sam Taylor-Wood, who is 23 years older than him. They met in 2009 when he was 18 and she was 42, after he was cast in a movie she was directing. They got engaged like a year later and she got pregnant a month after that. There was this huge controversy about it and to this day they're still defending their marriage.
I was only like 12 when it happened but I remember people who were in support of them said it was a misogyny issue (i.e "Anyone who disapproves of this relationship is sexist! Why can older men date young women but women can't date younger men? It's a double standard! People are just upset because she's an older woman, any of his fans who don't support him are just jealous and a hater!"). While there was definitely some uncalled for maliciousness (his fans would say she was hideous and he was too good for her), others (rightfully imo) pointed out that it seemed highly predatory for a women in her forties to get involved with an 18 year old. Especially since she has children who are closer to his age than she is–Imagine being 52 with a 22 year older daughter and a 29 year old husband. It all just seems weird. And just because men do it doesn't make it right for women to do it, it's definitely not "empowering" that she got with him. There's still some fans of his who think she's a predator and gross.
Anyway, a couple of months ago I saw an interview they did about their relationship and Aaron said this:
>Aaron suspects that their age difference never bothered him because his acting career thrust him into adulthood at an early age.
>“I worked in an adult environment from an early age; I had open, direct conversations with directors, producers, actors, where my opinions would be valued and matter,” he said. “I grew up pretty quickly — I left school at 15. I had a totally different upbringing from my kids.”
>He continued, “When I met Sam I’d already lived a life far beyond that of most of my contemporaries — I didn’t relate to anyone my age. I just feel that we’re on the same wavelength.”
Idk why but it just left a bad taste in my mouth; the whole "mature for my age/old soul" excuse is every age-gaps relationship's defense, and while I'm not completely against age gap relationships, there's something about this one that's just never sat right with me.
Pic is from when they first met vs. now.
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their relationship is seriously reminding me of mary-kay letourneau and vili fualaau. the only real difference is that theirs is legal but it's still an incredibly fucked up one.
I have the same age gap; he's 27 and I'm 36 and we've been together for two years. It feels normal, there's not really anything noticeably different culturally except he watched different cartoons when he was a kid. I never usually even think about the age difference and we more or less look to be about the same age. No one has ever commented on our age difference.
The one difference is maybe that I am better at keeping things clean and taking care of responsibilities but I feel like that's a problem a lot of men have regardless of age.
>>125421> my parents got together than she was 16 and he was 19 - which would be considered a crime in the US, right?
Depends on the state. States have different AOC laws. I wouldn’t automatically object to a 16 year old and 19 year old dating though. Depends on the context I guess.
> my 16yo coworker is dating a 30yo and nobody bats an eye. A friend of mine is 23 and dating a 17yo
This would been seen as pretty gross in the U.S. Not to say it doesn’t happen though
eh, I was with a 34 year old man when I was 25, and I was still better at keeping things clean, so I don't think that's necessarily an age thing.
for the future, I want an older guy who's actually mature – or a hot younger guy. not going to deal with an older partying man child again.>>125421
yeah, Americans seem to be a bit stricter. my parents are 10 years apart. always thought that qualifies as normal (as long as they meet in their 20s/30s+. 17 & 27yo is weird).
> my 16yo coworker is dating a 30yo and nobody bats an eye.
lol that is the exact gap of my parents when they met. not that weird imo.
i'm dating a guy 15 years older than me and i really like it so far but sometimes i get anxious about the future and what my family thinks. i am very nervous about future introductions, i think they will find him weird and think he's manipulating me. if this doesn't work out i will likely date another man in his 30's (i am about to be 21) because i find it really attractive and it's probably a fetish…
My husband is 10 years older and the best man I've ever met, hence why I married him.