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> two weeks in, shows shitty manipulative chronic liar fuckboy bitch side
> It'll never happen again, I was a dumbass, I'll change for you I swear by my hand I'll be the exception, you are my world sorry you felt that way you know that you're the Ramona to my Scott also let me go out and do drugs but I'll guilt trip you if you go out to see your friends because you're not there for me when you're with friends if you aren't dming me back
> previous girlfriend literally fled the country and never spoke to him again
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are shitty men a subculture now?
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Softboys are worse than run of the mill fuckboys imo. Fuckboys have that cocky arrogance front and centre, which is a lot easier to spot and untangle yourself from. When they go full jerk and you realise you'vem been wronged enough (which in itself is a fallacy because you're free to leave any relationship you like for any reason) you can justifiably get angry and leave. Softboys do that manipulative 'wah wah I'm the victim' bullshit and make you pity them. It's a lot harder to leave them without feeling like a bad person because of that.
are these 2019 emo boys or something
I've dated a soft boy by accident
>depressed and anxious uwu
>I'll always be there uwu
>his idea of romance was calling me over last minute for sex and nothing else, would barely compromise for me despite expecting me to always compromise family and friend plans because he could never keep a good schedule
>would make plans then cancel them for other girls
>never wanted to go anywhere with me, despite me even offering to pay everything and provide transportation, claimed it was social anxiety and he was just a homebody but then posted snapchats of him with other girls out places
>would talk about other girls all the time, sext other girls in the same room as me, show me nudes of other girls, but then refused to show me any sort of affection
>make plans with me on valentines day, spend 60+ on his valentines day gifts just for him to look at me angry and say it was too much, he then gave an expensive stuffed toy I brought him to his roommate
>would complain about his body dysmorphia and how he needed to be complimented, but when I even gave him a normal compliment he would go all distant and say it was too much
>played games of leading me on, told me he was going to stop dating me, invited me over, just for the cycle to start again
>stealthed me then said it was gross and a turn off and run off when I had a pregnancy scare
I know it's somewhat my fault for being so desperate, but these dudes are so fucking toxic and take advantage of my caring and forgiving side, they're highly manipulative, I'm with someone I'm happy with now
I feel like most of these guys aren't cunning, 20 steps ahead in 4D chess kind of manipulative, they just do it by gut feeling to ease their own emotional hurt or whatever, which results in them being hot-and-cold, selfish, etc. There's no real forward thinking, just dumb BPD antics.
A couple questions to ask yourself/red flags to look out for: >Does he love bomb you/put you on a pedestal? >Does he want to rush into a relationship and pushes you into it?>Does he only ever call you over for sex, and doesn't like spending time doing other things with you?>Does he push your boundaries?
Even little ones, like "please don't tickle me, I don't like it" or "Sunday doesn't work for me, could we meet up on Monday after work for a few drinks instead?", he just has
to have his way; by tickling you and telling you "no, see, you liiike iiiit", or browbeats you into moving around your schedule for him (and he'll never move his schedule around for you).>Is he just in general unwilling to compromise?>Does he shit talk his exes?>Does he guilt trip you?>Does he belittle you or call you names in arguments?>Does he refuse to talk things out with you/stonewall you/give you the silent treatment?>Is he incapable of apologising?
A proper apology, not just "I'm sorry you feel that way".>Does he need constant reassurance?>Do his opinions/values/moods constantly flip flop? >Does he try to isolate you from your friends and family?
Does he push that "all we need is each other"/"it's us against the world baby" narrative? >Barring childhood abuse, is he at least vaguely respectful of his parents?
How he feels about/treats his mother/female family members is extra important here. >Does he have his shit together?
If not, does he want to work on that/is actively in the process of trying to change it?
At the end of the day you just gotta trust your gut, anon. If something doesn't feel quite right, it probably isn't. I'd consider the """misunderstood""" thing as a yellow flag if that's a self-descriptor, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a soul crushing fucktard. If you're really unsure you can google healthy relationship diagnostic quizzes to help you figure it out. loveisrespect.org has one, and I'm sure there are others.
People that are like that usually have reasons to be. Men and women both. Hoes of both genders are (For the most part) a pile of issues.
t. a hoe
oh man anon, he ticks a ton of these boxes except he claims he isn't sexual and he's a virgin…he says this after bragging about how he'd done things with multiple women.
I called him out for numerous lies and he gaslit me and at first his apologies were that avoidant kind but now that he's realised he's lost control over me he's switching to "I swear I'll change….I swear I'll change"
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>>122579>he claims he isn't sexual and he's a virgin…he says this after bragging about how he'd done things with multiple women.
So not only is he a liar, he's a shitty one.
If you want my hot take anon, abort mission. Disengage. He's never gonna change. Not for you, at any rate.
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He keeps guilt tripping me as well and trying to play the martyr and play the hero at the same time, why are men like this we're in our twenties
Since everybody is telling their softboy stories>i was 18, he claimed he's 25 but i later found out that he was already 30>is indian, says he's not like the other indian guys, much more progressive>says he's not like other guys in general, wants to move things slowly, still tries to kiss me after our first time meeting>brags with how romantic he is, forces me to listen to cheesy american country music (in public) despite me telling him that this is not my style at all>constantly tells me how cute i am (the word he used is reserved for literal children in my country)>always cradled my face in both his hands while talking to me
On the one hand he acted so sickly sweet but on the other hand he always only wanted to talk about himself, even demanded "ask me more questions!". And he accused me of lying about my height because he couldn't deal with being a bald manlet.
Also, I know that this is a cultural thing, but guys who immediately want to kiss cheeks as a greeting are gross.
I am very shy, he likely saw the insecurity oozing off of me and therefore thought I'd be an easy target for his shtick. >>122570>Softboys are worse than run of the mill fuckboys imo.
>>122582>why are men like this
Gendered socialisation teaches men that they don't have to be responsible for their own feelings, and teaches women that it's their job to care and coddle.
Men are just uninitiated apes for the most part. Just let him play the martyr lmao, he can die mad about it. >>122583>i later found out that he was already 30>the word he used is reserved for literal children in my country
How absolutely vile. I'm glad you kicked that gross bald manlet to the kerb.
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>Similar to a fuckboy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a "sensitive" side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not.
So… a Nice Guy™?
>guy I go to school with, I kinda think he‘s attractive, never make a move tho because I‘m shy
>he changes schools for practicality reasons
>messages me on fb almost a year later
>we get flirty really quick
>meet for a date
>feel immediately uncomfortable so I make up an emergency to go home early
>try to let subside contact, more or less effectively
>a year later, he has a gf now, he hits me up again
>wants to meet
>talks to me about how bad the sex life with his gf is and tries to pressure me into telling him about my feelings
>keeps trying to meet me and spend time with me (like, going bowling or ice skating or some shit), starts creeping around my neighborhood like ‘hey I’m just around the corner, I could come over’
>end up straight up telling him that I don’t think we get along, neither as friends nor as anything else, tell him that our conversations are obviously dull and meaningless and ask him why he would want to meet up and spend time with me at all
>admits that he absolutely feels the same but he just wants to fuck and thinks men need to show empathy and create a bond for girls to sleep with them
>tell him to fuck off
>still sometimes see him around the neighborhood once every few months (even though he has no reason to be here)
He was the single most uncomfortable person I have ever met. Like, I’ve been raped by a druggie and still I felt more uncomfortable and scared for my life over the few months this guy has stalked me.
I’ll always prefer a fuckboy over this kind of shit because at least with them their motivations are relatively clear and they’ll usually move on quickly once they’re told off.
Although I think what’s even worse than both is those guys that will genuinely fall in love (or at least think so) after talking to them once or twice. That shit’s uncomfortable as fuck too.
Now that I come to think of it… men are uncomfortable.
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fuck it I'm just gonna elaborate the whole thing and hope I'm not crazy
> "lad culture"> parties and drugs> edgy.jpg> cannot keep a single story straight> cannot have a conversation without his replies feeling incredibly formulated> sweet talks but feels calculated too> couldn't hurt a fly I swear> a lot of pity points> I respect women anon> I really respect women> follows several egirls> goes on and on about self, brags about being a child genius prodigy> kicked out of uni, it's a mystery why> rumors of trashing public property and losing old friendship circles> slightly abusive colors come out quickly, very posessive, lovebombs, guilt trips> call him out> gaslights me, tells me he doesn't remember saying things even from seconds ago and implies it's in my head> call him out for not keeping his lies straight in the same damn conversation> anon I'd never lie society are all such liars I'm different> anon I'm so sorry I lied but I didn't mean to it's my insecurities consuming me, I didn't mean to hurt you> I'm sorry you felt that way> I've cried in my room because (I feel sorry for myself)> anon I still have a chance with you right> I want to make it all better I'll change myself> oh yeah seeing as we're being honest I'll take back all the stuff I bragged about before I'm totally a virgin I was talking shit before I am vulnerable and was just pretending to enjoy our sexual exchanges that I heavily obsessed about domming you in > says this after I sent him nudes and told him i regretted it> has a habit of having to one up which makes me doubt this too> this all happened over a week and a half> ???> anon I can't put my finger on it but there's something about you that makes you special
Am I a bitch for seeing red flags and having doubts about him? part of me wants to be sympathetic and believe he'll change but my gut is screaming "no he's definitely done this before and he's sorry he got caught"
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Oh anon, are you dating my highschool boyfriend? Trust your gut, bounce right the fuck on outta there.
He's not gonna change. Maybe 15 years down the line he might grow the fuck up, but he's not gonna change for you, and you're not gonna be able to change him.
You've given him your sympathy, and he's given you, what? Lies, guilt trips, false platitudes and weasel words, and a whole lotta hurt.
You're not crazy, he's given you nothing but behaviour to be doubtful and wary of. You're not a bitch for asserting yourself. And even if you were? Who fuckin cares, you gotta look out for number one because no one else will.
Yeet him out the door and let him die mad about it.
That Panty is a solid mood thank you anon
I feel he wants me to feel guilty and mean internally but I put my foot down because the lovebombing and the stupid amount of bullshit that wasn't true wasn't healthy. I honestly wish him well and hope he can grow up but I'm not forgiving him for it and I feel like in a few weeks he'll have forgotten about me anyway. Yeeted.
I called him out for it, saying that I don't agree with him painting women as a hivemind and me just being some sort of odd exception. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls.
You could see it did not compute with him, he had no clue how to respond. After the date he called me and showed more redflags, so I told him to fuck off and blocked his number. Holy shit the narcissistic rage that triggered
Tragically, I'm super into softboys. ime the best thing to do is be as shitty to them as they are to you. If they're flaky or cold or noncomittal, do that. If they demand you be their personal therapist, whine back. They usually either straighten up or leave when you stop enabling them.>>122570
100% true anon. I'd much rather have a guy who is insensitive but honest about it than a manipulative gaslighter.>>122532
Tony Leung Chiu-wai in In the Mood for Love. That came out 20 years ago, but he's actually still pretty cute imo.
As if any real virgin guys are uncomfortable with the idea of sex but could maybe learn to enjoy it
This thread is a ride, my sympathies to you ladies