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File: 1567254017922.jpg (82.78 KB, 990x500, dating-softboy-fboy-cover-990x…)

No. 122519

I don't think I've seen a thread for this but I know we discuss fuckboys a lot: experiences with softboys and opinions?

Urban dictionary has it defined as:

> Similar to a fuckboy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a "sensitive" side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not. Then, like the fuckboy, he can't/won't commit. Differs from the fuckboy because he goes for the heart and emotions rather than just the body.


Experiences with softboys? overcoming these types of guys and anything else.

I recently had the pleasure of dealing with an incredibly manipulative hybrid of a softboy with a cocky fuckboy, and once I started to see through him, his true colors came out and so did the gaslighting. Still ignoring his incredibly guilt tripping messages to this day about how "he's sorry that I felt that way" when I called him out for his emotional abuse and that "his insecurities get the better of him and hurt people" and he romanticises the shit out of unhealthy relationship dynamics.

Anyone else had to deal with these incredibly fake and crocodile-teared men?

No. 122520

I feel called out by this post and I don’t like it

No. 122521

never really dealt with them because any guy that wears horn rimmed glasses and is at all pre-occupied with faux deep styling seems to be pretty obviously this type of person or a straight up rapist. it's very unattractive. all of these guys think they're the protagonists in indie films and think the women in their lives aren't really meant to star in their shitty indie film, they only serve to make their customized indie flick more interesting for a little while

No. 122527

Soft boys are this mixed with r/streetwear

No. 122529

>>122527
this is so unfunny. the guys who make south park are pretty unfunny

No. 122531

>>122529
I disagree.

No. 122532

lol who's the guy in the top left corner? hes actually pretty cute

No. 122533

>>122527
PC principal is one of my favorite south park characters, I love this shit.

No. 122537

Soft guys are guys that wouldn’t get laid by normies because of mental health issues and just pretend to be woke to get laid

No. 122543

File: 1567276218577.jpg (90.89 KB, 1200x675, DNFdPqUWAAAs1no.jpg)

> two weeks in, shows shitty manipulative chronic liar fuckboy bitch side

> It'll never happen again, I was a dumbass, I'll change for you I swear by my hand I'll be the exception, you are my world sorry you felt that way you know that you're the Ramona to my Scott also let me go out and do drugs but I'll guilt trip you if you go out to see your friends because you're not there for me when you're with friends if you aren't dming me back


> previous girlfriend literally fled the country and never spoke to him again

No. 122544

File: 1567278615564.jpg (51.16 KB, 640x651, 1548461187876.jpg)

are shitty men a subculture now?

No. 122545

> see guy on dating app, pretty good looking, kinda hipstery and fashionable but also well built
> go on date
> literal softboy, ~intellekshual artist~, tries to ~teach me about life~, works in a restaurant but is studying to become a pSyChOlOgIsT, pretends to be super woke and "patrician"

at the end of the date he tried to diagnose me with aspergers because i'm nOt lIkE tHe gIrLs hE uSuALlY mEeTs because i didn't show a lot of emotion or facial expressions. he literally thought i was impressed by his mad psychologist skills.

it was actually a really funny experience and i think i wanna date softboys again just to see them crumble when they find out that their tactics don't work on me.

No. 122546


No. 122548

These types of people give me such a headache. Same with "doomers".

No. 122551

>>122548
Emo guys kpop bungaloo

No. 122552

> you're so special, like I've never felt this way of ~emotion~ with anyone before…..we just click you know….

> (except every other girl I've tried this shit on before you)

No. 122556

Ugggh they always have an e-girl or two on the side, too. One of these guys wrote a shitty poem about our date and posted it in a public facebook poetry group and he literally romanticized stopping at the gas station for soda. He thought he was the hottest thing ever when girls would stop talking to him after they'd get a boyfriend, that whole "uwu boyfriends never like me" ~bad guy~ victimized thing.

It sucks because they're one of the few types of guys who make an effort in clothing and hair. It's usually brooding /fa/ grey-and-black clothing, but still.

No. 122560

I met a softboy on a dating app, he was cute, stylish, artistic, sweet, smart and he told me how he found me attractive and cool and that he wants to get to know me more. I completely fall for it like a dumb fucking idiot and after the first date he keeps flaking on our plans while still acting interested enough to keep me believing the lies. I know he was just being manipulative to get sex and that he probably tells the same thing to every girl he meets but it's still got me fucked up.

I stalked his Instagram (sad I know) and he follows a lot of e-girls, wannabe e-girls, and girls way younger than him and this just fucks me up more even though I know it shouldn't and that he's no good.

No. 122570

File: 1567324928331.jpg (90.94 KB, 567x571, 1559309617725.jpg)

Softboys are worse than run of the mill fuckboys imo. Fuckboys have that cocky arrogance front and centre, which is a lot easier to spot and untangle yourself from. When they go full jerk and you realise you'vem been wronged enough (which in itself is a fallacy because you're free to leave any relationship you like for any reason) you can justifiably get angry and leave. Softboys do that manipulative 'wah wah I'm the victim' bullshit and make you pity them. It's a lot harder to leave them without feeling like a bad person because of that.

No. 122571

are these 2019 emo boys or something
I've dated a soft boy by accident
basically
>depressed and anxious uwu
>I'll always be there uwu
>his idea of romance was calling me over last minute for sex and nothing else, would barely compromise for me despite expecting me to always compromise family and friend plans because he could never keep a good schedule
>would make plans then cancel them for other girls
>never wanted to go anywhere with me, despite me even offering to pay everything and provide transportation, claimed it was social anxiety and he was just a homebody but then posted snapchats of him with other girls out places
>would talk about other girls all the time, sext other girls in the same room as me, show me nudes of other girls, but then refused to show me any sort of affection
>make plans with me on valentines day, spend 60+ on his valentines day gifts just for him to look at me angry and say it was too much, he then gave an expensive stuffed toy I brought him to his roommate
>would complain about his body dysmorphia and how he needed to be complimented, but when I even gave him a normal compliment he would go all distant and say it was too much
>played games of leading me on, told me he was going to stop dating me, invited me over, just for the cycle to start again
>stealthed me then said it was gross and a turn off and run off when I had a pregnancy scare

I know it's somewhat my fault for being so desperate, but these dudes are so fucking toxic and take advantage of my caring and forgiving side, they're highly manipulative, I'm with someone I'm happy with now

No. 122572

Reading people's replies makes me feel so done, how do you spot the difference between a softboy that's emotionally manipulative and going to wreck your life and a misunderstood guy who has similar fashion sense and tastes but means well and his compliments and weird fascination with you are genuine?

No. 122573

>>122572
I feel like most of these guys aren't cunning, 20 steps ahead in 4D chess kind of manipulative, they just do it by gut feeling to ease their own emotional hurt or whatever, which results in them being hot-and-cold, selfish, etc. There's no real forward thinking, just dumb BPD antics.

A couple questions to ask yourself/red flags to look out for:
>Does he love bomb you/put you on a pedestal?
>Does he want to rush into a relationship and pushes you into it?
>Does he only ever call you over for sex, and doesn't like spending time doing other things with you?
>Does he push your boundaries?
Even little ones, like "please don't tickle me, I don't like it" or "Sunday doesn't work for me, could we meet up on Monday after work for a few drinks instead?", he just has to have his way; by tickling you and telling you "no, see, you liiike iiiit", or browbeats you into moving around your schedule for him (and he'll never move his schedule around for you).
>Is he just in general unwilling to compromise?
>Does he shit talk his exes?
>Does he guilt trip you?
>Does he belittle you or call you names in arguments?
>Does he refuse to talk things out with you/stonewall you/give you the silent treatment?
>Is he incapable of apologising?
A proper apology, not just "I'm sorry you feel that way".
>Does he need constant reassurance?
>Do his opinions/values/moods constantly flip flop?
>Does he try to isolate you from your friends and family?
Does he push that "all we need is each other"/"it's us against the world baby" narrative?
>Barring childhood abuse, is he at least vaguely respectful of his parents?
How he feels about/treats his mother/female family members is extra important here.
>Does he have his shit together?
If not, does he want to work on that/is actively in the process of trying to change it?

At the end of the day you just gotta trust your gut, anon. If something doesn't feel quite right, it probably isn't. I'd consider the """misunderstood""" thing as a yellow flag if that's a self-descriptor, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's a soul crushing fucktard. If you're really unsure you can google healthy relationship diagnostic quizzes to help you figure it out. loveisrespect.org has one, and I'm sure there are others.

No. 122574

>>122572
i don't think they are as bad as people make them out to be. if it's not a manipulative weirdo i could deal with it, i kinda like the soft boy look. like the black shirt look in the op pic.

No. 122575

>>122572
People that are like that usually have reasons to be. Men and women both. Hoes of both genders are (For the most part) a pile of issues.

t. a hoe

No. 122579

>>122573

oh man anon, he ticks a ton of these boxes except he claims he isn't sexual and he's a virgin…he says this after bragging about how he'd done things with multiple women.

I called him out for numerous lies and he gaslit me and at first his apologies were that avoidant kind but now that he's realised he's lost control over me he's switching to "I swear I'll change….I swear I'll change"

No. 122581

File: 1567331351124.jpg (52.23 KB, 570x761, 26231280_10155542591759191_391…)

>>122579
>he claims he isn't sexual and he's a virgin…he says this after bragging about how he'd done things with multiple women.

So not only is he a liar, he's a shitty one.

If you want my hot take anon, abort mission. Disengage. He's never gonna change. Not for you, at any rate.

No. 122582

File: 1567332496670.png (51.8 KB, 638x478, __houraisan_kaguya_touhou_draw…)

>>122581

He keeps guilt tripping me as well and trying to play the martyr and play the hero at the same time, why are men like this we're in our twenties

No. 122583

Since everybody is telling their softboy stories
>i was 18, he claimed he's 25 but i later found out that he was already 30
>is indian, says he's not like the other indian guys, much more progressive
>says he's not like other guys in general, wants to move things slowly, still tries to kiss me after our first time meeting
>brags with how romantic he is, forces me to listen to cheesy american country music (in public) despite me telling him that this is not my style at all
>constantly tells me how cute i am (the word he used is reserved for literal children in my country)
>always cradled my face in both his hands while talking to me
On the one hand he acted so sickly sweet but on the other hand he always only wanted to talk about himself, even demanded "ask me more questions!". And he accused me of lying about my height because he couldn't deal with being a bald manlet.
Also, I know that this is a cultural thing, but guys who immediately want to kiss cheeks as a greeting are gross.
I am very shy, he likely saw the insecurity oozing off of me and therefore thought I'd be an easy target for his shtick.

>>122570
>Softboys are worse than run of the mill fuckboys imo.
Hard agree.

No. 122584

>>122582
>why are men like this
Gendered socialisation teaches men that they don't have to be responsible for their own feelings, and teaches women that it's their job to care and coddle.

Men are just uninitiated apes for the most part. Just let him play the martyr lmao, he can die mad about it.

>>122583
>i later found out that he was already 30
>the word he used is reserved for literal children in my country
How absolutely vile. I'm glad you kicked that gross bald manlet to the kerb.

No. 122587

File: 1567334985823.jpeg (74.49 KB, 768x768, 4E54595F-E2B4-4FD3-8641-51B574…)

>Similar to a fuckboy but without the cocky attitude. The Softboy will butter a girl up by appealing to her emotions and showing a "sensitive" side long enough for her to sleep with him, whether or not he actually cares about her or not.

So… a Nice Guy™?
But anyways:

>guy I go to school with, I kinda think he‘s attractive, never make a move tho because I‘m shy

>he changes schools for practicality reasons
>messages me on fb almost a year later
>we get flirty really quick
>meet for a date
>feel immediately uncomfortable so I make up an emergency to go home early
>try to let subside contact, more or less effectively

>a year later, he has a gf now, he hits me up again

>wants to meet
>talks to me about how bad the sex life with his gf is and tries to pressure me into telling him about my feelings
>keeps trying to meet me and spend time with me (like, going bowling or ice skating or some shit), starts creeping around my neighborhood like ‘hey I’m just around the corner, I could come over’
>end up straight up telling him that I don’t think we get along, neither as friends nor as anything else, tell him that our conversations are obviously dull and meaningless and ask him why he would want to meet up and spend time with me at all
>admits that he absolutely feels the same but he just wants to fuck and thinks men need to show empathy and create a bond for girls to sleep with them
>tell him to fuck off
>still sometimes see him around the neighborhood once every few months (even though he has no reason to be here)

He was the single most uncomfortable person I have ever met. Like, I’ve been raped by a druggie and still I felt more uncomfortable and scared for my life over the few months this guy has stalked me.
I’ll always prefer a fuckboy over this kind of shit because at least with them their motivations are relatively clear and they’ll usually move on quickly once they’re told off.

Although I think what’s even worse than both is those guys that will genuinely fall in love (or at least think so) after talking to them once or twice. That shit’s uncomfortable as fuck too.
Now that I come to think of it… men are uncomfortable.

No. 122589

File: 1567335673565.png (76.73 KB, 500x465, chill-blinton-guess-ill-die-16…)

>>122579

fuck it I'm just gonna elaborate the whole thing and hope I'm not crazy

> "lad culture"

> parties and drugs
> edgy.jpg
> cannot keep a single story straight
> cannot have a conversation without his replies feeling incredibly formulated
> sweet talks but feels calculated too
> couldn't hurt a fly I swear
> a lot of pity points
> I respect women anon
> I really respect women
> follows several egirls
> goes on and on about self, brags about being a child genius prodigy
> kicked out of uni, it's a mystery why
> rumors of trashing public property and losing old friendship circles
> slightly abusive colors come out quickly, very posessive, lovebombs, guilt trips
> call him out
> gaslights me, tells me he doesn't remember saying things even from seconds ago and implies it's in my head
> call him out for not keeping his lies straight in the same damn conversation
> anon I'd never lie society are all such liars I'm different
> anon I'm so sorry I lied but I didn't mean to it's my insecurities consuming me, I didn't mean to hurt you
> I'm sorry you felt that way
> I've cried in my room because (I feel sorry for myself)
> anon I still have a chance with you right
> I want to make it all better I'll change myself
> oh yeah seeing as we're being honest I'll take back all the stuff I bragged about before I'm totally a virgin I was talking shit before I am vulnerable and was just pretending to enjoy our sexual exchanges that I heavily obsessed about domming you in
> says this after I sent him nudes and told him i regretted it
> has a habit of having to one up which makes me doubt this too
> this all happened over a week and a half
> ???
> anon I can't put my finger on it but there's something about you that makes you special

Am I a bitch for seeing red flags and having doubts about him? part of me wants to be sympathetic and believe he'll change but my gut is screaming "no he's definitely done this before and he's sorry he got caught"

No. 122590

File: 1567337540026.gif (769.07 KB, 500x270, 1558316211793.gif)

>>122589
Oh anon, are you dating my highschool boyfriend? Trust your gut, bounce right the fuck on outta there.

He's not gonna change. Maybe 15 years down the line he might grow the fuck up, but he's not gonna change for you, and you're not gonna be able to change him.

You've given him your sympathy, and he's given you, what? Lies, guilt trips, false platitudes and weasel words, and a whole lotta hurt.

You're not crazy, he's given you nothing but behaviour to be doubtful and wary of. You're not a bitch for asserting yourself. And even if you were? Who fuckin cares, you gotta look out for number one because no one else will.

Yeet him out the door and let him die mad about it.

No. 122591

>>122590

That Panty is a solid mood thank you anon

I feel he wants me to feel guilty and mean internally but I put my foot down because the lovebombing and the stupid amount of bullshit that wasn't true wasn't healthy. I honestly wish him well and hope he can grow up but I'm not forgiving him for it and I feel like in a few weeks he'll have forgotten about me anyway. Yeeted.

No. 122598

>>122591

Might I add as soon as you're nice to him again and not cold he drops fussing you and chasing you, he only seems to say nice things when he's trying to win you ove

No. 122604

>>122552
I went on a date last week, guy actually pulled this on me. Then he asked to be my boyfriend. Is this a new tactic to get into someone's pants faster? Just immediately have a relationship? Obviously I told him no, I cannot start a relationship with someone after just 1 date. He just thought it was cute I said no and kept going with his pseudointellectual softboy bullshit.

No. 122608

>>122604
yes it's 100% a tactic. along the same lines as "you're not like other girls". which i've heard about 100 times in my life and i'm sure most other girls have too.

No. 122609

I'm so glad this aesthetic/tactic/whatever is only getting popular now that I'm in my late 20s and an angry man hating radfem because 18 year old clinically depressed romantic me would have absolutely eaten this shit up.

No. 122618

>>122608
I called him out for it, saying that I don't agree with him painting women as a hivemind and me just being some sort of odd exception. There is nothing wrong with being like other girls.
You could see it did not compute with him, he had no clue how to respond. After the date he called me and showed more redflags, so I told him to fuck off and blocked his number. Holy shit the narcissistic rage that triggered from him.

No. 122623

Tragically, I'm super into softboys. ime the best thing to do is be as shitty to them as they are to you. If they're flaky or cold or noncomittal, do that. If they demand you be their personal therapist, whine back. They usually either straighten up or leave when you stop enabling them.
>>122570
100% true anon. I'd much rather have a guy who is insensitive but honest about it than a manipulative gaslighter.
>>122532
Tony Leung Chiu-wai in In the Mood for Love. That came out 20 years ago, but he's actually still pretty cute imo.

No. 122625

>>122589

Forgot to add since he started putting on the I was a virgin all along I'm totally not a player thing he's suddenly delibrately making it out like sex with me would be something he "isn't comfortable with but could learn to enjoy" and other things that are meant to make me feel unworthy and unsexy.

No. 122644

>>122625
As if any real virgin guys are uncomfortable with the idea of sex but could maybe learn to enjoy it

This thread is a ride, my sympathies to you ladies

No. 122647

>>122625
he's negging you.

No. 122648

>>122647

How is it negging

No. 122711

>>122589

> I have nothing to hide

> suddenly hides all his FB friends

No. 131600

>>122519
this image does not describe a single real archetype… whens the last time you saw a dude with tats wearing a bucket hat and listening to frank ocean because i've never seen this shit ever

No. 131624

>>131600
Thought that too. OP's pic is not softboy at all?? I thought softboy was emotionally immature pricks with curly hair who wear sweaters.

No. 131714

>>131600
It reminds me of those early-mid 20s edgy bi/gay guys who try to have that damaged and eccentric "aesthetics" going on on insta lol.

No. 132474

>>122519

Not sure if counts as a soft boy but this dude literally wanted to be some bad boy type. He would wear some dumb leather jackets, smoke, drink whiskey, and play Artic Monkeys unironically. He'd compare himself to other guys calling them softboys when he pretty much does the same thing a soft boy does by turning "muh depression" into a personality trait. Also he cheated on me too lmao

No. 132522

They're witty and have their shit together. Open to new experiences. Egocentric and victim syndrom though, which is a big turn off. No my dude, you're not Jesus bis just a faggot. But normal hot guys are out of my league so hey

No. 132524

>>132522
>They're witty and have their shit together.
never seen one that was either of these things and especially not both



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