/ot/ - off-topic

nice thread, I hate that everyone thinks everything is BPD now

im avoidant and the last 6 months has been the worst so far as far as my pd goes.
This summer has been so bad. I cry scrolling instagram looking at people i know doing fun stuff all the time.
I have very few friends and the ones i can call "friends" never invite me to anything and im too scared to start any plans myself. infact they actually sometimes just dont invite me to the stuff they are doing. it hurts alot.

I wish i wasnt like this so bad. I just want to be able to enjoy my youth with friends. Not rot indoors playing video games.

Im very thankful for my boyfriend. He is the light of my life. He is my motivation to get better right now. So that i can hang out with him more and we can do fun stuff together.

I feel so hopeless nonas. That im doomed to fail due to my personality just being weak and damaged. I dont think ill ever be "healthy"

>>1652149
Anon while outside motivation may be good short-term, long-term it's bad. You shouldn't get better because of your boyfriend, you should get better because of yourself.

>>1652162
ntayrt but I see this take way too much, her bf is the only motivation she has right now and tbh she should hold onto it until she is back on her own two feet. You gotta get stability and confidence from somewhere because currently she doesn't have it for herself, if you are into scrotoid death is a win-win as she could bleed him dry, another step on the latter.

>Avoidant personality disorder
I'm just glad that its not one of the personality disorders with a whole lot of stigma attached or a ton of online content made about how to spot it in people. Its like the boring personality disorder. The one that nobody feels too tempted to armchair diagnose in others. Everyones asshole ex 'must be' either bpd or a narc now but avpd.. Its not the juiciest PD so not trendy to turn it into this casual thing you gossip about.

Pain to live with it, was like hitting the same brick wall over and over trying to fight the urge to hide from everything. When I was a teen and showing signs already but not diagnosed yet I had my parents as a buffer to the world. Not that bad when you're still young but I essentially swapped that out when later I had bfs I leaned on too much. Needing them as my social crutch or my buffer against having to do certain things by or for myself. That was when I wish I'd thought of the bigger picture. Whats best long term and not just whats comfortable in the moment. Those times only stunted me. Felt like phases of regression and of course when a relationship ends and you've been that dependant on them its alot to have pulled out from under you. My first break up was me going into crisis not knowing how to cope without him. Not just how to cope. How to leave the house again. I'd needed that trusted chaperone for years and both guys (next one too, I'm a slow learner) were weirdly only too happy to oblige when it clearly wasn't doing me any favors. I deep down knew that. That's on me. I recognized that it was taking me backwards and still leaned into what was easier in the moment.

It was self esteem destroying as time ticked on and I was getting older.. still needing a crutch-person to do certain things. Leaning on others was always my downfall. Made some good progress now while single and I just dread that if I meet someone that old trap of having them slowly become my crutch would come back. Done too well to go back on all that now.

>>1652187
Avpd too, haven’t answered to my job messages in two months. I’m desperate. I’m on three different medications for anxiety and I still can’t look at my fucking furaffinity inbox without crying. My rent is due in three days and I guess I gotta just fucking log in and deal with rightfully upset customers (I have all of their pieces finished, I just can’t fucking even think about interacting with others). What Do? Lol. Christ. I’m sorry for anyone who has ever found me interesting or fun and then I just don’t ever reply again or start acting awkward and boring and they can notice, probably.

i can never figure out if i'm splitting or if i'm actually having rational thoughts but i want to turn my life around. i want to break up with my bf, move for myself with my cat and finish my bachelors degree. i don't feel fulfilled and i keep wanting, or even lusting, for something different. what i have now is stable and safe, but i can't shake this feeling that keeps coming in waves for the past half year