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No. 382626
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>>381978I've been talking to a guy I've met online and it has been generally really nice.
He has very similar views and we share a lot of interests. He is well read and educated, cooks, doesn't drink/smoke/do drugs, has a very good job while still doing his degree, is independent, writes me (cheesy) poetry, makes me laugh, works out despite being a shy nerd and etc. Generally pretty much everything I would like from a guy.
Problem is that I'm not particularly attracted to his face. I don't think he is ugly, just average or maybe slightly above-average looking. And I can see that he is taking care of himself so even if I were to suggest to him a haircut that I would like more, I don't think much would change.
I know my looks could easily land me someone way more handsome (already did a few times), but the odds of me finding someone that has his other traits and views, while also not wanting kids are probably pretty slim. I know that I’m pretty young (25) but I also know that I’m not getting younger.
Am I being too picky? Would this be settling?
No. 382671
>>382626It's difficult, I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here. I know anons are going to come for me for feeling this way put personally I think everyone settles to some degree because the perfect partner doesn't exist. Personally I'm leaning towards giving him a chance considering he isn't ugly and beauty doesn't last anyway (especially not in men). In 20 years when you're both nearing 50s it doesn't matter if he was handsome in his youth.
But if you deep down dread continueing this because of his looks, then that's your answer and just cut it off. You probably know the answer if you're honest with yourself.
No. 382791
>>382770This is the better way to word it.
>>382785Exactly, lmao. He never stands up for himself with his guy friends but always argues with me and gets offended when I tell him something. Like I'm the bad guy for telling him his guy friends are using him to get him to do work for their projects for free but not his scumbag friends.
No. 382869
I feel like the relationship I'm in is healthy, at least compared to past relationships, he's not some porn addict without a job, but he's overworking himself to the point where I feel lonely. Like we hang out often, but he's not completely there. It's like seeing a happy friend now always sad. He's currently working a second job because his main source of income does not entirely pay all the bills, but this second job pretty much holds him up for the majority of the year. The take back is that it's very tedious and his social battery is nearly zero when we're together. I told him that I do hate his second job because for the first 2 months of us being together, things were great and this job has sucked him away. He's doing his best to not have to do this job again, at least to this intensity, but on a day to day basis right now, I'm so stressed and worried for him. He is so tired, he can't even do hobbies he enjoys. I depresses me seeing on a day to day basis he isn't practicing his passion. He knows he is unable to do this stuff, but his mindset is that it's a fact of life and we learn to deal with it, especially when there's debts to be paid. I feel like I need to go to therapy to go through this. Last night, he also brought up the fact that, yes, this is how the nature of his second job is. He doesn't like it, but it's what he's done for multiple years. It just put into my head that he'll continue to do this next year. I even thought about the future, like if we have kids is he going to be a mentally present father? I asked him if he were more career oriented or family oriented and we had a 5 hour discussion going back and forth about how things can be better. The jist of it is that I feel overwhelmed by this and I feel lonely, but he can't do much because he needs a roof over his head. He has forewarned me about how this second job is going to be stressful, but I didn't know the reality of how stressful it would be. He says he's not faulting me for being this way, he knew I wasn't going to be able to handle it, but he doesn't have any further expectations of how this would affect our relationship. He's asking how he can help, but I don't know what else he can do, he's practically booked for a few more months. I have to be patient for a total of nearly 6 months to see the man I have loved for our first 2 months together. What do I do? Do I start booking my therapist appointments? I know I can't do this alone.
No. 383033
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I was snooping because i had a weird gut feeling.
i woke up around the same time he was downloading porn, didnt know at the time but thought it was weird that he was on his laptop. we ended up having sex. dunno how to feel now i know what he was doing before hand.
nonas how would you feel/react if your partner did this?
No. 383041
>>383033Like
>>383035 says, only huge retards and porn addicts download porn. That is a serious sign of porn addiction. If he was just streaming I would consider a second chance but any moid who downloads porn is probably unsalvageable.
No. 383046
>>383039>>383044You cheated with your EX? Girl… I don't think it'll be possible for the relationship to continue long-term. You're clinging to what the relationship was before the betrayal, but that relationship is over. The foundational trust has been broken. Rebuilding it may not be possible. If you're young, I don't see why you would spend the time, energy, and money on couples therapy like
>>383042suggested, though I guess it's a possibility if you're determined to make it work. There's still a big chance it won't, though. My advice is to learn from the mistake, forgive yourself, and move on.
No. 383054
>>3830487th grade? How old are you? Honestly you sound underage
I couldn't cheat on someone i truly loved, also the fact you did it with a shitty ex makes it worse. You need to grow up
No. 383435
>>383301ntayrt but I understand you getting the ick. I felt the same way when I found out the guy I was dating was promiscuous before. It bothered me for sure; slutty men are off putting. Also nona, he was acting very selfishly and irresponsibly with both of you guys' health.
I don't have any advice but I'm sorry you have to deal with the situation. I hope the test results come back clean.
No. 383455
>>383444Masturbating is normal, pretty much everyone does it.
Flaunting about it though, even to friends, is pretty much always a red flag, especially in men since it usually stems from porn addiction and/or liking gross sex jokes. And in my experience, men that publicly make gross sex jokes are very often misogynist as well.
You almost definitely dodged a bullet there.
No. 383503
>>383493Oh dawg I wish I had advice and not just commiseration but I feel you SO HARD. Like it is absolutely harrowing to edit my sense of humor to not make people feel put off or stupid and I CRAVE an interaction where I can say exactly what comes to my mind. A decade long relationship just ended for me and not only is trying to carry conversation with other men tricky and lackluster where half of my jokes go right over their head or I can tell they had to google what I said to come up with a response, but I only miss the ex when I have a joke or quip literally no one else would understand- which I wasn’t expecting to be, like, a dozen times a day. Like this man treated me like I was barely human but he actually laughed at my fucking jokes and references and it kept me around in spite of that treatment….
I may just sound bitter but I’m finding as I go that the men with quick enough wit to make me laugh and find me funny as well end up grossing me out anyways because, almost always, they also use that intelligence to be manipulative of me or others so womp womp.
No. 383521
>>382765>>382785Ugh, I’m a heterosexual woman myself so I understand that it’s annoying when people say “just don’t date men lol” but I’ve had this thought for a while that if you want to have relationships with them, it’s optimal to just be friends. You basically get everything you need (besides sex and some other forms of physical affection) minus most of the drama and disappointments. At least if you don’t give a rip about starting a traditional family.
If they start to like you and pine after you then that’s their problem. Most of them for some reason build resentment towards the women who actually like them and want to be loyal to them, such as wives and gfs, and this is why the majority of them aren’t suited for actual romantic relationships in my opinion.
No. 383526
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Nonnas, i really need help, please.
I've been all over the vent thread for a few months already, but i thought it would be better to post it here since it involves a "relationship". I apologize for how long this text will be, but i will try to explain it the best i can. Keep in mind in advance that im a retarded autistic bpd-chan.
So, i met this boy back in 2017 when i was 18 and he was 20. We met online while playing a mmorpg, and we instantly clicked so well together while talking that he told me he was developing a crush on me. We had a small thing online for a few months because i was too scared and anxious of meeting him in real life, until he "broke up" with me because he didn't want to be ldr. We broke up in great terms and decided to keep close to each other as friends.
The thing is, when he broke up with me, it was the moment i had fully developed feelings for him, since i'm slow in that aspect, but i was more than satisfied being only friends with him since i always felt he was out of my league so hard.
Just to contextualize, i tried to kill myself back in 2018, so i think this can show how well i was and been doing mentally so far.
Even though i liked being close to him as friends, i was still in love with him, i would beat myself to it everyday for losing someone like him. Back then i thought i would never find anyone that was that sweet, kind and lovely towards me, and, honestly, the more time goes by, more i believe it. He forced my heart and body to learn what feeling love for someone is, he is the first and only person i ever loved and love like this. He was the only one that treated me well. Fast forward to september 2022, we were still talking to each other of course, and at some point, i made a small half-joke-half-flirt that he took seriously and started to directly hit on me (he said this himself to me, that he took the chance to be direct with me), which i obviously loved. It was the first time i was able to feel what having butterflies in your stomach feels like. Of course i still loved him with all my heart, i was so happy that i would be able to finally have my second chance with him, i would be able to finally give him the love he deserved from me since the beginning, our compatibility was as strong as ever and of course i started to reciprocate his feelings. Looking back at the messages nowadays, i noticed he was already flirting with me since the beginning of 2022 and my retarded ass didn't notice it at all because i just couldn't believe someone like him would be able to love a piece of trash like me ever again, so i was in heaven.
But things were sour in my life when this happened. I got close to a manipulative moid some time after i tried to commit suicide, and he was still making my life hell because i couldn't distance myself from him, not only that, i had another moid that was sexually harassing me online sending me unsolicited pics and things like that. It had nothing to do with the boy i like, but dealing with those things was so overwhelming already that i just panicked when i realized i would have to deal with the romantic feelings i repressed for so many years, Meeting his family, meeting him, my severe self-image issues and all that. Thing is, i made the worst decision possible i could ever had. Instead of telling him and looking for his support, i just ended up ghosting him because i'm a retarded, i have no idea why i did that. He kept sending me messages looking for me, asking if things were ok, and i just didn't answer. That after telling him i loved him and wanted to be with him, which, well, is the absolute truth.
Fast forward to 2023, a friend of mine helped me to deal with the manipulative moid and the other moid that was harassing me, yes i spent another whole year being abused like that because i wasn't able to get away from that situation on my own, and i told him about what i did to the nigel i love. We agreed on me telling nigel about what happened and to apologize to him. I messaged him in november 2023, decided to get close to him and to be a different woman, show him that i regret it and wanted to be better, even if he didn't want me romantically anymore. It was a rocky path at the beginning, but we started slowly talking again, in january 2024, i actually felt some affection coming from him towards me. I confessed to him and told him everything that happened and apologized. Though things weren't like they were back then, i felt like he was starting to open up more to me a little, he told me he was lonely and wanted me to accompany him playing things and such. Well, but my life is a joke, my laptop is so old and shitty that i couldn't play with him and i didn't have time to watch the stuff re recommended me. So mid february he started to change with me, he got cold again and giving short messaged like he did when i first messaged him. Now this last week he also ignores me on top of the short messages, and this is hurting me a lot. I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much. I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him. I'm still so deep in love with him, it's been 7 years and i don't think my heart will ever let go of him, i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like that, just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do. I'm even crying tipyng all this.
All i want is to be by his side again, i'm having meltdowns daily because of this situation and i think about him 24/7. Some advice would be highly appreciated, nonnas. I'm losing my fucking mind and i want to harm myself, please.
No. 383528
>>383526Nona, you are beating yourself up about this so much more than you deserve. Your horrible crime was what, not wanting to move at the same pace as this guy when you were barely an adult, and not speaking to him for a year when you were being abused? If he was truly everything you say he was, he would have empathy and compassion for your situation and for you as a person. Think about it, if he disappeared for a year because of something bad happening in his life that he couldn't control, would you hold it against him? Probably not. I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestal. I'm not saying he's terrible and you should let him go, but I am saying maybe you should wonder if you're holding on because of a sunk-cost fallacy, or because he represents something greater to you. Ultimately, it doesn't sound like you deal with things in the healthiest way, so I think you might want to get to the root of what's going on with you. I mean this in the nicest way, you sound like you're rather avoidant and not the best communicator. So it might be worth it to just be very straightforward about some of your technical difficulties and make it clear you're invested in the relationship working. I know you're afraid he won't wait for you, that it might be too late, but if he's worth it, he will try to meet you halfway here. You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.
No. 383545
>>383526You literally did nothing wrong. I saw your vent posts too and I just feel bad for you that you're beating yourself up. You did NOTHING wrong. Everything you did makes sense in context. You are allowed to be emotional, it's not a crime. You are allowed to ghost people when you're dealing with serious stuff, the absence of your communication is not an assault on him. If he liked you he would be very understanding.
> I can't resent him and honestly i feel like i deserve to be hurt like this for what i did to him. You DON'T deserve to be hurt.
>i don't think anyone will ever love me like he did and treat me like thatTreat you like what? Flirt with you and play games online? Give you butterflies? Reciprocate your feelings? That absolutely does exist with other people out there, he is not the only one.
>just the thought of not talking to him ever again is enough to make me spirail into an anxiety attack, but all of this is hurting me so much that it's making me suicidal and i have no idea of what should i do. Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.
No. 383572
>>383545I agree with you on all other things, but, and I may me alone on this, I still think it's a shitty move to spend almost a quarter of your life talking to someone, develop mutual feelings for each other and then suddenly leave without saying a word.
It would have been different if she let him know what was going on, or even said something like "I need time to deal with personal stuff", but judging by the fact that he kept reaching out, I'm assuming she didn't.
Of course she doesn't own him anything, but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a rag.
>>383526But in the end, if he cared that much about you, he would have definitely understood what you had to go through and would have forgiven you.
If he still does resent you over it, it might be not be the best idea to try to pursue things with him, since he might just use it as a leverage whenever you would argue, which would make you keep reliving your old trauma.
Personally, I would confront him about the way he is making you feel.
> I don't know if he holds some resentment towards me or if he thinks i didn't want to do things with him, but it just hurts so much.Ask him directly about these things, making sure to let him know that you would rather hear the truth, even if it hurts. If he is even half as good as you are making him out to be, then I'm sure he will give you an honest answer.
Otherwise you will keep overthinking whatever he does and hurt yourself more in the process.
You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.
No. 383577
>>383469by in too deep, I meant emotionally. I've been thinking about him every single day,if not every hour, for 4 years now.
>>383472yeah I guess.. It's really stupid but he's quite literally the only reason I'm still alive right now. He gives me hope that there's still something for me in the future because otherwise I have nothing. I don't know..
>>383484I don't know if I want to 'run away' from my family like that, if I have to I probably will but I feel like there has to be another way. Either way I still need a job first or the ability to get a job before I can depend on him like that.
sorry for the cringe I know I sound like a complete idiot, I never thought I'd be talking about someone that way myself but oh well. I'm just trying to find a reason to leave but nothing is convincing to me. I already tried to do leave him once before and I went back running after less than 2 days lol
No. 383663
God I feel like such a fucking moron. I've been with this guy for 8 years.I caught him paying for only fans a few months ago, and had a bit of meltdown. I tried to breakup with him, but I was too weak to follow through when he begged. Things had been alright, and he promised to stop, and I, an idiot believed him. When I went to bed last night, I found him having fallen asleep to belle Delphine tiktoks. I'm so fucking disgusted I don't even know what to do with myself. I haven't seen him since, and I might not see him until Saturday because of our work schedules so I've just been stewing all day.
I feel like the dumbest person alive. When we started I was young enough that I didn't see the problem with porn, and now I feel like it's probably too late to make him stop. Our lives are so intertwined, we spend a lot of time with each other's families and it would be horrible to never see them again. My plans (and his) for the next couple years depend on our partnership, and there is no way i could afford to be on my own. I really truly thought he was it for me but I'm so fucking revolted by what I saw. I'm heartbroken because we don't even have sex that often, but he apparently goes to bed early to jerk it to egirls. I know I'm a retard for asking, but has anyone made progress in a relationship like this?
No. 383730
>>383671Whack thing is I own the house we live in, but I can't afford the mortgage by myself, and I'm planning to be in grad school next year so I really won't be able to afford it. I love this house, and the two of us have put so much work into it. I'm honestly questioning if I'm overreacting, because we are so great otherwise.
>>383672Fuck I know
No. 383858
>>383528>he would have empathy and compassion for your situationI feel like he was doing that, allowing me to get closer to him, wanting to do stuff together, but i think due to me not being able to do these things with him, he might have given up on me thinking i didn't change at all. It's something that's in my head.
>I think you are idealizing him and putting him on a pedestalI definitely am, nonna. I'm completely obsessed with him. He is everything i always looked for in a nigel.
>I mean this in the nicest wayDon't worry,
nonny you sound nothing but nice and i really appreciate it. My bpd is the worse it ever was these last few months, but i decided that, once i get a job, i'm going back to therapy and medication. The friend i mentioned is also helping me a lot to understand myself and work on my issues.
>You're not terrible for any of this, and I hope you don't harm yourself. No relationship is worth that. I think you should try to work on yourself, whether the two of you get together or not.Thank you so much, i'm really trying to become a better version of myself, not only for me, but to not repeat the same mistakes i did with him to someone else in the future. I will try to work things out!
>>383545>I saw your vent posts tooKek, i'm sorry for making you reread all that bullshit again, anon.
>the absence of your communication is not an assault on himThis sentence definitely gave me a new perspective about my feelings towards all of this, you are right.
>Seek help for your suicidal thoughts.I appreciate your strong and direct words, nonna. I was really needing something like this as well.
>>383572>but I would have felt hurt if someone I thought cared about me suddenly tossed me like a ragYes, that's why i'm beating myself so hard over it, i know what i did was a pos move and that's the reason i genuinely apologized to him. He was the only person i didn't want to hurt, and i still managed to take all the wrong decisions possible at the time and hurt him. I only started talking to him again because i'm 100% set on being a better person and want to show it with not only an apology like i did, but also with actions.
>You are young, you can still definitely find love. The earlier you start moving on, the better.I will talk to him about it, you are right nonna, thank you for your input in this dumb situation i put myself in.
Thank nonnas for the help, i'm going to try to work things out.
No. 384696
>>384652I would bring it up - I think it's worth peaking your boyfriend. Otherwise, you'll stay worried about him trooning, and he'll probably get brainwashed online into thinking liking femboys and traps isn't degenerate faggotry. I've expressly told my boyfriend that I would leave him instantly if he trooned out, and I think more women should do the same.
Most normie people are pro-trans until they are forced to hit peak trans. I used to watch contrapoints back when I was deep in my non-critical-thinking handmaiden days, and now I look back and can't believe I ever took that obvious fetishist seriously. Honestly just showing him the transgender crime statistics, pointing out that threatening suicide when you don't get your way is a classic abuser tactic, and showing him the new WPATH files should do the trick. Remind him that "the science" used to promote lobotomies and maintained that black people were intellectually inferior to whites.
Two hypotheticals seem to work on the pro-science, pro-tranny crowd. One is this - ask him to explain why it wouldn't be possible to be transracial. If you can identify with the social expectations, garb, and "culture" of one sex, why can't you strongly identify with another culture to the point you believe you were born in the wrong body?
The other is to get him to explain why body identity integrity disorder is a mental illness but being trans isn't. If he brings up the brain studies, point out that the only brain differences measured were between heterosexuals and homosexuals, and did not measure "a woman's brain in a man's body."
No. 384699
>>384688It sounds like you know exactly what the issue is, which means it's time to confront him about it. Foreclose the possibility of him blowing you off by starting off with, "I notice that you either ignore me or change the subject when I bring up anything uncomfortable." That way, if he does blow you off, you can point out that's exactly what you're talking about. Set some boundaries. Tell him that you're tired of him always being late, and that you'll cancel dates in the future unless he shows up. I'll bet he's never late to work, and always listens attentively to his boss - tell him you expect him to respect you in the same way, if not more so because he purports to love you.
Appeal to the fragile male ego - men are very, very afraid of being seen as cowardly, and they like to think of themselves as le rational problem solvers. Use both of these things to your advantage. Tell him you think it's cowardly that he hides away and avoids the difficult conversations. Also, tell him that you want to be a problem solver and actually face and fix the difficult things, and not just avoid and hide from them. I do this all the time with my boyfriend and it really works. Once you start challenging their perceptions of how they see themselves (e.g., "I'm not a coward! I like to fix things! I'm a problem solver!") they'll rush in to prove themselves and you'll actually get some work done.
No. 384709
>>384652Yes, it's a problem. If you want children think of the risk of him getting them on blockers or of him trooning in front of your children. Also if you out yourself as a
terf to him he will use it against you.
My boyfriend has to be careful about what he says openly because his field is troon-adjacent but he tells me he finds them immature, repulsive, and degenerate. Without prompting he told me that troons harassing lesbians is equivalent to corrective rape in his eyes. That's how any potential boyfriend should be if you are a
terf.
No. 384881
>>384741That's good! I hope all works out. He may be a hard worker because he knows it's a place where he knows he can be in control, so when he feels out of control (ie. Being in a relationship, feeling like he's losing his "I" when topics of "we" become more frequent) remind him of his great responsibility and individuality. He'll likely look for reasons to confirm this idea he has that no one understands him, due to bad experiences, but often remind him he's his own person.
My Nigel is the same, even through this rough patch we had for a couple weeks, he still wanted to have sex, but I felt like I had to force myself to hold his hand and give him hugs. Many men view affection has something sucking them away from their individuality. Men like this also need more space throughout the days, so fill your free time up with catching up with friends, he'll feel more secure knowing you have a life outside of the relationship too.
I listened to a podcast called Jillian On Love and she had a 2 part segment about the Chaser and Runner dance, and also one about anxious avoidant attachment. Take notes from those 3 episodes and see what you can apply from there into your relationship.
No. 384901
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>>384899I feel no pity if this is real kek picrel is your wholesome tranny scrote
No. 384924
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>>381978i started talking to a guy i met online over a month ago and so far its been super good, except he's 22 years older than me. he's honestly really hot and we share a bunch of similarities that are just kinda crazy to me, and we talk for hours every night. im obviously an adult, but the difference in age is massive, and if things pan out well, i have no idea how to tell people around me.
there's honestly no red flags, and a lot of green ones regarding our age difference and who he is as a person. im a degenerate and do like older men, so im pretty set on this. any tips on how to tell people in the future would be very much appreciated. TIA nonnies!
No. 384934
>>384652How pro-trans is he? A lot of people say that and they are just repeating a sentiment of support without really thinking about it or caring. Does he just not want them to get hate-crimed or does he think they’re actually women and he would marry one? The most fundamental issue is that men can’t physically become women and vice versa, it’s all a lie. It doesn’t even prevent suicides to transition because eventually trannies butt up against the fact that the closest they can get is all cosmetic superficial stuff after putting their bodies through hell for years. The dysmorphia is distressing but it’s mental and cannot be solved through physical altercations, or even if it’s a relief at what cost does it come? How sustainable is it? Is it real relief or just succumbing to the mental illness? Compare it to anorexia: you’d never support an anorexic’s desire to starve because they feel fat in their body, you would want to get them help and make them healthy. Or the way a plastic surgery addict is never happy because they got surgery, it’s a surface level fix, there are deeper issues.
I don’t know, just offering some things you could discuss with him.
No. 384963
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I've always heard advice about "the first argument" as a benchmark for the relationship, like "don't do x until you've argued" or "you don't know who someone really is until you see them argue" but I dunno what to do with that advice because my bf and I just haven't had anything to argue about.
We even had a discussion about this since we've both been told this sort of thing before, and we're both kinda confused on what to make of it. We tried exploring some controversial topics to see if we could at least find something significant that we didn't agree on (even if we're not motivated to fight about it) but we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.
It seems like the sentiment behind it is that people are concealing their "real self" until you have a fight, or that you must not be getting into the weeds of serious discussions if you haven't found anything to disagree on, but I mean… We discuss all sorts of things, we just always have similar views. He'll bring up values that I agree with and I really doubt he is making it up because he actually lives them and is consistent when he talks to others (also he's kind of autistic and clearly not good at lying or being indirect).
More of a blessing than a problem I guess but any thoughts on this? Should I just ignore this common advice?
No. 385045
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This is more of a vent rather than asking for advice but whatever:
I want to break up with my boyfriend but I don’t know if it’s the right thing to do.
I wanted to break up for at least 6 months now but I still believe he might change. He’s lazy, does nothing but work and watch youtube shorts or whatever, never goes anywhere with me, no dates etc. I hate visiting him because his flat always nasty and just plain uncomfortable. But he never visits my place either (he says it’s too small - I live in a dorm room) so I’m always the one who has to spend an hour per week to come to his place. And whenever I’m at his place we never do anything except watching shows in his crumbly bed - when I’m lucky we play some Magic the Gathering for 30 minutes until he wants to lie down and watch shows. I’m so fucking bored with this relationship even though I do love him a lot - as a best friend, but not as my partner. He’s funny and has the same retarded humor as I have, I can say whatever is on my mind and he will understand or not judge me at least. But I can’t imagine a future with him anymore as his manchild behaviour doesn't seem to go away. It doesn’t really help that I’m just not sexually attracted to him anymore at all - he doesn’t really take care of himself, he gained a significant amount of weight and when he goes to work I have to remind him to put on some clean clothes not the stained ones that were lying around on the dirty floor and to brush his fucking teeth.
But the problem is that I have a massive crush on a guy I know from uni (which is so shitty of me, I know, but I can’t help it) and now I do not know whether I want to break up with him because of his bad traits OR because I have a (possibly short-term) crush on someone who is the opposite of my boyfriend. I wanted to break up with him way longer than my new infatuation with someone else but I feel like a terrible person anyway. The reason I haven’t broken up yet is because he had exams in the past few weeks and I didn’t want to add more stress to his already stressful time. I don’t even know why I’m rambling here, sorry nonas
No. 385051
>>385045There is an old saying "Shit or get off the pot"
You are going to either start bossing him around to do what you want, and threaten him if you can't do normal life things then I'm leaving. He will be upset as to why you are suddenly being so nasty and you will respond with because I have always wanted you to do these things and you leave much to be desired. He will either do them or give you an ultimatum like, if you can't accept me like this then leave. Or you're going to rip off the band-aid and move on with your stinking life. As time heals all, 3 years from now you will wonder why you ever stayed with him for so long. Next time you will be able to identify red flags and know when to nope out before you get comfortable
No. 385289
>>384963I don't think I had a semi-serious disagreement with my boyfriend until 4 years into our relationship, when we moved out of our small apartment and into a rental home. Chores weren't an issue when we only had 700 sq feet to take care of, but it turned out that he was unwilling to significantly increase the time he spent on chores, which was a requirement when we upgraded to 2000 sq feet and a lawn we had to maintain. Before then, we didn't have much to argue about. It kind of blew the lid open on us arguing though, and now we get in fights over things that we never would have before, like interpretation of social situations on reality tv.
> we only really disagree on frivolous things like food preferences, nothing actually serious.Like other anons said, I think it's really important to know how long you've been together and if you live together or not. If you and your boyfriend have similar values and are both sane and reasonable, it's very easy to avoid fights over things that don't actually matter. It's not until your partner does things that cost you more money, time, energy, etc than you would like to give, and you would like to change your partner's behavior, that things start to get contentious. And chores are such a huge, huge thing, and they're very hard to manage in a way that makes everybody happy.
For example:
You would like 100 units of chores done per week because that's the level of cleanliness you like to live at. Your partner is happy at the level of cleanliness that you achieve with only 70 units of chores, and he doesn't personally see the benefit from it being any cleaner. How do you manage that extra workload? Do you take it on entirely yourself? Do you expect him to do half of it, even though he doesn't really benefit like you do? Do you choose some in-between? Where should that fall?
There's pretty much no option here that doesn't build resentment, even if everybody involved is doing their chores reliably, efficiently, and well (which is usually not the case), and they're measuring their effort consistently. Talking about it is hard because you're necessarily asking the other person to sacrifice some of their valuable time to give you some time back.
(And then you get resentful about wasting time arguing because that time could've been spent on chores.)
Overall, it sounds like you're in a good spot, so long as you're not just avoiding fights because one of you is conflict-avoidant and capitulates immediately every time.
No. 385404
I got ghosted recently and I can't get over it. Usually I can and wouldn't care but this person felt truly special to me. He was my dream partner in literally every way before he ghosted. And I just can't get over it, I'm really annoying myself and beating myself up over everything because of this. I can't stop thinking about what I did wrong, we were getting along so well. When I do my hobbies, job or other things they don't distract me for long before my thoughts go wandering back to him again. It also sucks because we had so much in common including our hobbies and interests so a lot of times I'm like "oh I'll talk to him about this, I bet he would like this" but then I remember he won't reply at all. I really miss talking to him. I'm able to distract myself when hanging out with my best friend but obviously she's not always available and neither am I so that doesn't help that much.
I've been trying to meet new people, meet new guys. Met a really good looking guy with a cute accent and yet I still prefer just about everything about my ghost boy compared to all the others. I suppose I find them all boring compared to him.
When I talk to other guys I just wish I was talking to him instead, I really liked talking to him and I miss it so much.
I think one of the things that's getting to me the most is how unexpected it was. The day before he ghosted, we were making plans together, that HE initiated.
And obviously, I try to keep reminding myself things such as "he's just a moid, probably watches porn, probably jerked off to gross shit before" and "if he was really that amazing he'd at least spare a minute of his time to tell me he no longer wants to talk" and whilst I agree with those things…. ultimately, I still miss talking with him a lot. It's been a while (maybe forever?) since I found someone so engaging to be around or someone I had so much in common with. Simply talking to him would really entertain me and make me so happy. He seemed to feel the same way. Even though I don't want to want this, I desire to simply just listen to him talk all day. About anything. I think my love language is words.
I feel so pathetic in every way but nothing I'm trying is working. I wish I could completely stop thinking about him. I have never in my life felt anything even similar to this before.
No. 385409
I am an idiot and I need to stop being so stupid. Sorry in advance for the long post.
I'd reconnected with my ex after 5 years. We didn't break up because we didn't like each other, but because the distance kinda drove us apart and we'd just stopped talking. He lived in a different state, same time zone but it took 2 hours by plane. Neither of us was in a particularly good place financially to sustain the travel. I had contemplated moving out there because he had obligations that prevented him from leaving, but ultimately found a job that kept me here.
Reconnecting with him was nice. We had a lot of common interests and we were still very attracted to each other. He says he adores me. He told his mom that we'd started talking again and she was very thrilled. He also mentioned that he no longer had obligations to remain where he was and had actually moved to a neighboring state. He also (jokingly?) said he'd loved to sell everything he had to drive out to where I was to live with me.
My job has me traveling quite a bit. He'd asked to visit back in January, but I was expected to start traveling until April and had told him so. His feelings got hurt because I'd sent "lol I'd be out until April." He texted that he "wanted off the ride" while I was in the middle of a non-crucial meeting so I excused myself to call him to talk and we'd smoothed things over. (Not my best moment, but it felt important.)
Work, coupled with the traveling, has been stressful and have dominated my entire life. I've just been going to work and then returning to either the hotel or home (when I'm there). All I wanted to do was sleep. In retrospect, I guess I should have texted more, but it felt redundant. I finally made plans to go see a friend on 2/24 and he said "Have a great time." She ended up bailing on me and I just lost it. I didn't text him to let him know. I let it sit until the next day before sending an unrelated text. I didn't get a response back but didn't think too much of it.
I decided to go out there for a week from 3/1 - 3/10 because fuck it, I wanted to surprise him since I had originally told him I wouldn't be available until April. The trip was expensive but ultimately I felt it would be worth it. I sent texts the entire week I was out there to let him know. I understand that it was unreasonable for me to spring this trip so last minute (I even told him so), and in hindsight, I don't have a right to be upset. I just thought it would be nice to see him. He did not respond at all. I was incredibly cross and in my anger, I texted him once I'd landed: "I don't understand why you ghosted me, but I was in town and felt really stupid. Thank you. Have a good one."
He said that he hadn't heard from me for weeks (???) and thought I had gotten tired of talking to him, that he felt that I was texting him out of it being a chore, that he's "happy leaving it as is." I explained that wasn't the case and I even sent him a screenshot of my multiple texts that week. He claimed that the texts hadn't gone through, but that had he known I was out there, he probably would have gone to see me. Then he said he wants me to "live well", and that he actually wishes me the best.
I don't know what to make of this situation because I'm all over the place. I just feel very defeated and utterly worthless. I am very hurt, and I feel pathetic because clearly he doesn't want anything to do with me. Despite all this, I want to text him and I don't even know what for.
No. 385497
>>385428With c-pstd (bpders often deal with it aswell) there's this unconscious self fulfilling prophecy that can play out in relationships. You can self sabotage by feeling so unsettled when things are going good. You're anticipating that surely this has to be the calm before the storm. Part of you is hardwired to think well this is nice but when does the shitshow start? With that going on in the back of your mind.. cruel thing is it makes people act in ways that more often than not only fulfill the prophecy. The prophecy being things like
> Good things don't happen to me > Everyone leaves me > I'm undesserving and he just hasn't figured that out yet, But he will Tbh yeah there are lots of guys who are amazing early on and it doesn't stay that way longer term. That's a harsh reality. But jumping the gun and anticipating that so hard is the fastest way to chase someone off before you even have a good reason to. It's worth reading up on because there's more to it that can't be condensed into a post. Alot of it isn't conscious. You're thinking this guys great, how do I keep him? And in the background your mind is working against your own interests because trauma is a bitch for keeping you trapped in a cycle.
No. 385550
>>385505Of course we didn't have sex kek that's also one of the reasons I'm worried. For now he's not even pushing for any physical contact besides hugging, occasionally we have a kiss. I told him that I would have to know someone really well and for longer in order to ever be able to be intimate, like
at least one year. I also told him that I plan to move back to our home country before the year ends. He needs to stay here for 2 years because of family reasons and asked me if, if I go back before him, I will wait for him so he can join me. He also throws little jokes about marriage here and there
No. 385573
>>385569>you shoudn't be this stressedI'm stressed as hell because: I haven't seen a single good example of a straight relationship in my nearest environment and I had a plenty of terrible examples in my family and since I was a teenager and started browsing internet, I've read and heard hundreds of horror stories from women about men and being with men, on various forums and blogs, on tumblr, youtube, lolcow, I know various statistics on male fuckery, I know history, I read many books, and tbh I never thought I would date a man irl and it's my first time ever dating someone so I'm paranoid with fear, even though, for now, he seems to exibit various green flags like the ones in the video. I'm also autistic so I constantly analyze everything and I look for patterns. I constantly analyze everything he says and does. I can rarely be "in the moment" and just enjoy it. Maybe I resent men in general too much to ever be with one? I don't know. There are moments when I can enjoy what is happening, and then right after that panic sets in and I imagine a hundred different scenarios about where this relationship could go. It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?
No. 385591
>>385573How did you two meet? I'm assuming this isn't a situation where you knew him for a while before dating him since it seems you don't trust him yet. Maybe you're feeling really anxious because you still don't know him very well? I think the main question is whether you like him or not. It sounds like so far he's shown himself to be a good partner and not a dangerous person, but do you like him? And by like I mean that you genuinely like him as a person. Genuinely liking someone is different than appreciating the kind things they've done for you or feeling safe around them because they're the bare minimum and not
toxic,
abusive, openly misogynistic, etc.
I won't sperg too much about my own experiences, but as someone who has a really hard time letting their guard down around men I've noticed that mostly happens when either I don't know that person well enough yet or I don't like them enough. Even if I'm attracted to someone or we have similar interests or I've analyzed someone front to back and come to the conclusion that they're a safe person to be around, I can't relax around them if I don't genuinely connect with them. Sometimes your body knows this before your brain does, but that's just my experience.
No. 385646
>>385573 >It drives me insane sometimes. I think at some point I might just end it myself because it's just too much for me and maybe being with men is not for me?The cptsd has to be what's making it this unbearable to be in the usual 'is he good or just being good for now' stage, which we all have to navigate. It def sucks but not usually to this extreme. Have you spent much time looking into how cptsd specifically affects dating on top of reading up on more generalized dating advice. There's patterns that come with that and they tend to work against you and make you your own worst enemy at navigating relationships. Learning about those tendencies will serve you more rn if you're already well read up on mens fuckery. Factor in how much cptsd plays a role for you and amps everything up to 11
If it's driving you crazy it's not wrong to step back and let yourself be single and relax. And it doesn't have to be a 'do I stay with this guy or never date anyone again' decision. Plenty of women with trauma based DXs go through hell trying to date early on and it can get better with age and experience if you learn about why it's this intense for you and how to deal with that added mindfuck.
No. 385961
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I'm embarrassed to share this, but the guy I've been dating for several months now just had a herpes outbreak. We didn't get tested when we first started seeing each other. He suspects he got it from a previous partner. I'm not gonna go into detail but I have plenty of evidence to know he's not cheating on me. I plan to get tested soon. It sucks because he's actually a wonderful, kind person whom I can see a future with. I've read "what to do if my partner has herpes" articles online but they all come off as really generic. I was wondering if anyone here has any real-world stories they'd be willing to share about how they dealth with a partner having herpes.
No. 385981
>>385961If you've had a cold sore before in your life, you've had herpes (HSV-1).
I had a previous partner who absolutely did cheat, absolutely did expose me to HSV-1 when I'd never had it prior, and absolutely lied about it. My outbreak was genital and it was insanely confusing and I sought medical treatment. He just kind of shrugged the whole time and was very "it is what it is". (We aren't together anymore, btw, and this happened probably about ten years ago).
Health, fitness, and managing stress levels really do a lot to control outbreaks. I don't take a daily anti-viral but I do try and keep active and not eat like total dogshit most of the time.
With that said, I've been with my current partner for about three years and told him as soon as we started discussing exclusivity/having unprotected sex. Key stuff here is to not share cups/utensils/chapstick and shit (if oral), and avoid any form of sex/friction(if genital) while a breakout is ongoing.
Peeing with an outbreak is miserable, and I think the best thing you can do is be empathetic to your partner and ask what they need from you.
Asking this kind of question shows that you care about them and you're looking for practical answers. Good luck, nonna.
No. 385989
>>385961Herpes type 2
nonny here. I contracted it after being raped, and honestly it took a long while and tons of therapy to make peace with the fact. I refused to engage in dating for several years, but when I finally did I discovered it was fine as long as you’re upfront about your situation. Some reject you, many don’t. Today I am engaged to a man that never judged for a second because of my disease. Also worth noting I only had 1 outbreak (from the initial contraction) and it’s been fine since which seems to be the case for most people.
So it’s not the end of the world!
No. 385993
>>385981>>385989Nonnies, thank you for the amazingly kind and generous advice! I'm so sorry you both have to go through terrible shit to end up where you are, but I'm glad you're both in much better places now.
I have not had a cold sore in my life; this is also his first outbreak so we're still figuring out where it came from. I am doing my best to be helpful; I don't resent or judge him and we're in it together. It's also been helpful reading online about risks. Thank you again for all the tips, sisters.
No. 386010
>>385993I wish you well too,
nonnie.
I know my GP had told me the first outbreak is the worst (this was the case with mine), and any concurrent outbreaks I've had have been 1-2 isolated spots that went away with some anti-virals in less than week.
No. 386089
>>385591>How did you two meetWe knew dach other for 2 years from work, started dating 1.5 month ago
Yesterday he told me he seriously wants to marry me and spend his life with me. I'm paralyzed kek. I like him (although sometimes he pisses me off), but do I like him enough to actually marry him? I don't know, I think it's too early to tell. He also wanted to know whether or not I would want to marry him one day and I couldn't give a clear answer. I NEVER even thought about myself in the context of marriage…
No. 386151
What do I do about this woman I'm talking to who keeps revealing really personal shit to me even though we've been talking for barely a week? I know, not exactly a relationship but we met once before deciding to 'start talking' and see what would happen.
We've not even been on a proper date, and she has told me about her exes who left her, her first love who she loved for 10 years, her horrible mom, I could take this all and I said some boilerplate phrases, but she just told me that she got raped last month and how she was worried she might not get her period and how relieved she is she got her period today. I really, really don't know what to say to this, I'm already bad at social situations and this is too much information in too little time, we are basically strangers right now. I've never had someone do this to me, and really not a potential date. I don't know what to say to her. "Oh yes, I'm sorry, I've been SA'd too so I get it", like what the fuck. What do I do? We're both 25… I thought you get some sense by that age you shouldn't reveal these things to someone you've talked to for a week. Am I being too unempathetic?
No. 386162
>>386151She is definitely oversharing. I feel for her because she might be oversharing out of emotional stress because she just got raped, she sounds like she has an open wound emotionally right now and it’s not that weird for people to start oversharing as a side effect. Maybe she’s not normally like this.
It’s extremely early stages of a relationship you are allowed to just bow out. You don’t have to be there for her, you are almost strangers. if you aren’t equipped to handle it what are you gonna do by staying around? It’s a weird situation. You can say no thank you to further meetings or suggest you stay in touch as friends because you don’t feel a romantic spark. I can’t believe she’s trying to date right now she needs a friend (not that she’s not allowed to; I get wanting to go on with her life but dating would be extra stress I wasn’t interested in if it were me, personally I don’t get it. I’d be holed up in my house which is bad in its own way lol.)
No. 386165
>>386162I think you're right, also maybe it's part of her trying to process what happened. She seems to have friends, I hope they're good for her, we met through them actually. But it could also be that she just doesn't want to tell any friend, people can be like that too.
She's in the process of getting referred to another therapist, and it's taking a while at such an unfortunate time too, so could be why she just wanted anyone as an avenue to vent it out.
I don't think I am equipped to handle it at all, but I don't know if I should abruptly bow out after she's told me so much, could that hurt her? Also, I think I agree with you that trying to date so soon might not be good either for her. I am in no place to give her advice, but I don't feel comfortable pursuing anything now.
No. 386170
>>386165I think it's a situation where honesty is the best way forward. Like "I'm sorry I don't feel anything romantically but I am worried about you and I don't want to ghost on you when you're going through all this." Then you suggest a platonic meetup like at the arcade or a local art show or something, possibly with other people.
That said, you could just kind of drift away. She has a lot on her mind I don't think you'll be the straw that breaks that breaks camels back…
or could you? I would be worried about that too in your shoes. It's really not your job to take care of her but I understand the worry. No. 386293
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How do I lower my physical standards for a man? I can't find any man that fits what I like and if they do then their personality and lifestyle is awful. I'm starting to think I'm a lesbian because I find most women to be attractive but it's impossible to find a decent-looking man that takes care of himself.
No. 386354
I had 2 male friends I used to be really close with, we were completely soulmates as far as friends go. 0 romantic or sexual undertones ever, they were just an autist and a soft boy duo that I trusted with my life. Towards the end of our friendship I wasn’t being a very good friend. Got depressed, stop being attentive, this led to a big blowout fight with one of them and then me cutting off both of them at the same time because I just was in a really bad place. The one I argued with blocked me, and I never responded to the other one’s attempts at contact afterwards. Haven’t spoken to either of them since.
I deeply regret this and miss both of them so badly, I’ve felt like there’s been a hole in my life without them. I want to reach out but I’m conflicted because I know they are a package deal, which they should be. I’m so happy they are still so close. But I’m worried about conflicting personality differences with the one I had the fight with, because it seems like he’s become a super coomer in the past few years. And I think it would just be a bad situation to reach out to the other friend and not reach out to the coomer.
I don’t really know how to handle this situation. I just really miss the friendship we all used to have. I’m still a little busy with my own personal life, I don’t know how much time I’d have to keep in contact. Would I just be hurting both of them reaching out when our friendship would probably just be a handful of texts and calls every now and then? I’m getting married at the end of the year, would it be incredibly weird to reach out around then and invite them to the wedding?
No. 386492
>>386367this made me laugh thank you nonna
>>386432thank you!! thank god its not just me. i wont be pressured into doing shit like that i think its disgusting
No. 386587
>>386501The other two anons answered perfectly but you are not crazy. Your BF is a loser and has a fundamental problem with being able to disagree with others in a constructive way. He is a lost cause. Part of being in a relationship is disagreeing and growing mentally with the other person and also being able to rely on them for emotional safety. He has already shown that is not capable of that.
This is worth breaking up over. There are plenty of men who arent this mindbroken.
No. 386636
My boyfriend didn't have/make time for me the past months, it's picking up now but I've become super apathetic because of it. I don't hate or resent him I just don't really want to spend time with him anymore, being apart made me realize how different we really are. I think it's very much a me problem but when I talk to him now it's like talking to an old classmate or childhood friend, no anger or bitterness, just no chemistry anymore. Is there a coming back from this? What can I do?
>>386501If my bf ever used that type of language on me I'd break up with him, it's no way to speak to someone you love. It's hard to break up with someone but ask yourself if you met him today, would you still like him?
No. 386663
>>386437I ended up talking to him. It took me the next day to do it, but I decided to give myself some space before saying something, because I was going to likely get caught up in my feelings and start saying something offhanded.
His day was in truth not that good, the persona he puts on social media is just a fraction of how things happened. He went into more detail about his colleague visit and told me what was upsetting him, obviously something he wouldn't put out there online. I had to reflect on that and cherish the fact he does want to share with me every aspect of his life, just maybe sometimes he'll post on social media to try to make light of a stressful day.
No. 386664
>>386172>>386174He already jokingly calls me his "wife", like when we're texting before sleep he days "goodnight wife"
And some time ago, when I agreed to be his gf and openly call myself his gf, he had tears in his eyes. It's not the first time, there were like two other situations, when I told him something nice or showed gratitude for something, he also had tears in his eyes
Is it possible that he's not a psycho but just overly romantic and sensitive in an unrealistic way and he just idealizes me to the point he just doesn't see it's all too early for that type of behavior?
No. 386732
>>386664My sister's ex was like this, because she was pretty and he was fat, ugly, and had a small dick.
He ended up being
abusive and she left him. But tbh she was being a golddiger so it was a doomed relationship from the start.
You're not from Spain are you? Just in case it's the same guy, sounds a little too similar.
No. 387040
My social anxiety is breaking down my relationship. I started asking for things to feel closer to him and now my brain is backtracking on it and yearning for more yet telling me I'm being too needy so I should stop asking and then going through this cycle of wondering if what I'm asking for is actually a need or something I ask for to fill this void of it not being met? I told him how my brain felt and all he could conclude is that I can't accept what he does, because he's juggling 4 jobs and then also this relationship and him trying to find more jobs to make ends meet. I told him I learned to accept what he does and I understand why he does it, but he's wondering if he's doing anything wrong and if he's not able to meet my needs. I just kept telling him I'm this way because I'm too afraid to even speak my mind.
We sat in my car for 3 hours talking, he's wondering if we should go on a break or keep trying, the thing is he doesn't want to anticipate me having a another breakdown for hours where he feels helpless. I told him I get why it'd be too much for him to handle, but I said the reality is that it's still going to happen, recovery isn't going to be as smooth as you'd hope for it to be. I started therapy last week because my behaviors in the past haven't been the best and I know I need more friends, but I'm still putting that onto him. He believes us sharing our whereabouts is almost too much that most married couples don't even communicate that often. Neither of us have experienced what a healthy relationship looks like through our years of being alive, but we both know what we're feeling now doesn't feel like it is. He said my worries almost seem obsessive and yeah he's right, I obsess over what could be right, I obsess of what things I could've said to him. I just want to be better.
No. 387082
>>387048If you start sharing assets together like cars and houses and you support each other financially you should get married if you're committed anyway, because it offers some financial protections in a breakup or death situation. Sometimes it saves you a lot in taxes but that depends on specifics.
>>387081Yeah that's a reason to not marry. How bad is the debt? I guess it outweighs the assets?
No. 387083
>>387082>I guess it outweighs the assets?It does unfortunately.
And what about the situation when one person gets sick etc.? Is there some kind of legal agreement that can give a specific person the right to decide even without marriage?
No. 387093
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>>385045ok I broke up with him, it was sad but whatever, I‘ve been prepared for the break up for months before it happened already so I kind of moved on. my new problem is the new guy i‘m interested in.
I met up with my uni crush few days ago and it was so nice, he’s stunning and a really lovely guy ugh (nothing romantic or sexual happened, we just drank some beers at a bar). I really would love to spend more time with him but I have no idea how dating works lmao - my ex bf and I were just good friends for a few months before we got together but since I only see my crush every now and then I don’t know how to form a closer connection. Would it be weird if I just texted him that I find him cute and would love to spend more time with him or just ask him normal questions like how his weekend was kek. I‘m too fucking autistic for this shit but I want to fuck him topkek.
I feel like this would be way easier if he was a total stranger but he’s not, I‘ve known him casually for almost 2 years and I even dropped hints that I think he’s handsome during that time kek. I‘m just venting again, I wish I wasn’t autistic.
No. 387152
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Nonnies I am thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend of over a year but I'm worried I'm making a huge mistake. I really care about him & am so happy to have someone like him in my life - he understands me in a way I feel no one else ever could, we have a huge amount in common, he makes me laugh and he is so supportive of everything I do. The issues stem from the fact that he's kinda autistic in ways that are very difficult to deal with. He has an obsessive interest in a particular humanities subject (that I also study), which he talks about incessantly no matter the situation (e.g. chilling with friends, at dinner with family, getting ready to go out). I can't stand hearing about it anymore. It turns the most casual of situations into serious conversations that draw me away from the people around me, and even though I've told him all of this he can't seem to help himself. In fact he accuses me of "hating" him or "not caring" about him when I say I am not in the mood for such a serious discussion, despite the fact that we talk about his interests very often. He's also very socially unaware and can be extremely rude. He tends to raise his voice when he's annoyed, which always frightens me. In particular he gets very annoyed if I misunderstand or mishear him, which I can't help. He shouts at people sometimes, dismisses people who don't care about things he has to say as stupid or vapid, and is generally very full of himself (calls himself a "genius" often). I am slowly coming to resent him, even if i still care about him very deeply. Breaking up with him feels like it would kill me but I am just so stressed and frustrated by his behaviour. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him is often a very frightening thought for me, even if we have our good moments (and the highs are extremely high). He is madly in love with me (his rudeness to me stems from unawareness rather than hate) and I know breaking up would destroy him. I have no idea what to do.
No. 387159
File: 1711308676266.jpg (Spoiler Image,18.7 KB, 466x700, grosssextoyihatemen.jpg)
I've been having an ongoing problem with my live in boyfriend of several years. He constantly pressures me for sex but I have to say no because he literally keeps leaking shit into his underwear. He is diagnosed with IBS but refuses to take fiber daily. When he does take it the shitting stops. He has made me very sick with infections from this.
Lately he just asks, gets mad when I say no perhaps he should take his fiber so we can next time, and then he goes and masturbates secretly later. He bought this disgusting "fleshlight" that is really a lower torso with a vagina and a butthole to fuck. It made me feel sick when he showed it to me after he bought it. Like my stomach has a knot just thinking about it.
I know I should just leave him but I feel so bad today, he did it again last night. I don't think it's fair, I turned down other men who were really nice and looking back I regret not cheating on him. I feel like I'll never get to have sex with this man, and now he's so inconsiderate I don't really ever want to. I'm just so mad. I don't understand how literally shitting his fucking pants doesn't humiliate him into doing what he can. It's disgusting. I was going to tell him to go stay with his parents today but then he'll ghost me for days and I'll be frantic trying to figure out what's happening (I rely on him for transportation during the week). Sorry anons I already know it's beyond repair I just feel very down right now and had to say something to someone.
This like just fucked, right? What's wrong with him?
Posting this in relationship instead of sex thread because the weird disrespect and grossness matters more than the sex.
Pic is of the gross sex toy he bought to replace me instead of just wiping his ass and taking his meds.
No. 387177
>>387159I
swear I saw this post before. Maybe it was the vent thread but a nona was describing how her boyfriend had ibs or shitty underwear and she couldn't stand being intimate with him and hadn't had sex with him in a while. Dump this nasty asshole!
No. 387184
>>387175>>387177I have posted about him before! Since then I made an escape bag with my important papers and I've saved a bit of money. I don't have any friends near where I live and my parents are gone so it's been really hard trying to leave. You're right though, this is the same thing isn't it? He always says he'll do whatever but in the end nothing has improved and it's worse.
As far as leaving goes, I've been hitting up everyone I know trying to get help but no one is willing. I am about to ask my old pot dealer if she'll let me drive her car if I pay her, that's how desperate I am. Sometimes it just seems worse, I'm just trying to stay sane in the meantime, that's why I posted. I also kind of hoped he'd be cool until after summer, my plan was to visit my mom (she's in a nursing home far away) and it was more convenient with him in the picture. He'd probably ruin that anyway though if I'm being realistic. Thank you for listening I appreciate it so much. I can't talk about this with people irl.
No. 387391
>>387159Kek
nonnie if you wanna make a support group for women who refused to sleep with men who shit their pants let me know. My ex blamed the toilet paper for his inability to wipe his hairy ass properly.
No. 387436
>>387389I don't have a drivers license; that is the only thing stopping me from leaving. I've been offering everyone I can ask $100 an hour to practice driving but no takers. I've talked to dv shelters, doctors, therapists, abuse hotlines, police officers, the staff at the dmv, parents with teenage drivers and no one has any suggestions on where to practice driving in my state. I feel so trapped. My best friend said no, my aunt in another state said no. My boyfriend keeps insisting if I buy a car he'll teach me… but his name would be on the car since you can't buy a car without a licensed driver on the deed. I really fucked myself not learning to drive when I was in high school.
The other thing is when I do ask people for help or tell them my situation they look down on me for still being with him. I used to also think why do women stay with these weird creeps but now I get it, you just get isolated and cut off from life until shit hits the fan, no pun intended. I don't think I'll ever attempt another relationship after this one, being alone would be a relief compared to this.
No. 387451
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Just ghosted the love of my life due to my own feelings of inadequacy and being terrified of him getting bored and abandoning me first. I feel absolutely terrible and this is probably the biggest mistake of my life. He was perfect but just too perfect for me. It was never going to work.
No. 387522
>>387451Please just send him a message telling him this. Don’t make the same mistake I made. I did the same thing, dumped a man I loved because I thought he was too good for me and I regret it every day. He’s moved on now and it’s too late for me. He chose you for a reason. You
are good enough.
No. 387565
File: 1711467349633.gif (1.64 MB, 360x360, tumblr_735e29dc5989c8d960871b2…)
I'm thinking of breaking up with my boyfriend of several years. He doesn't take care of himself. He won't go to the gym, he won't learn to drive, he won't cut soda from his diet. He gets crippling headaches constantly and I've told him over and over again to go to the doctor and he doesn't. The only self-improvement he's doing is getting a degree (and he's broke because of it), meanwhile I'm out of school, working at my career, and have been working out for nearly a year now. He's very nice, doesn't want kids, doesn't look at porn, and we share friend circles which makes me stay but I'm honestly falling out of love with him. I can probably do better if I cut him loose, though the idea of being unable to find someone else who isn't porn-rotted is scary. Should I break up with him now or give him a chance but make it clear the relationship is over if he doesn't improve?
No. 387572
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in a tight spot and feeling like a retard about it. the job market for my field is in the shitter (senior positions only or incredibly dodgy companies) and i am seriously worried about finding a decent position in the next six months. i am also broke as a joke and dipping right into my emergency fund for rent and food. my boyfriend keeps telling me not to worry about money and that he'll support me while i look for a job, but relying on someone i'm not married to like that feels dangerous. should i take him up on the offer? we live together and after i left my previous job to finish my master's he slowly took over most of our joint payments except rent (he has said several times that he has enough money to pay the rent on our place in full). on the other hand, i also have family living in the area that i could ask for help while i'm job hunting. something about the situation makes me wary for the same reasons why i believe marriage is a losing proposition for most women, even if it would be a temporary arrangement and he's the furthest thing from shitty or abusive. am i just being dumb?
No. 387586
>>387565I also have a long-term boyfriend, and at first he was kind of similar sounding to yours where he didn't take care of himself and basically was only working on getting a degree and felt "too tired" to do anything else. Eventually we ended up talking about it and basically I told him that I was concerned about how his health would deteriorate and it seems that got through to him because now he has been making an effort to exercise, eat better, and lose weight in general because he says he doesn't want to die early due to health issues so that he can be here for me instead. This has been going on for about a year now and he has really made progress. He doesn't go to the gym (and I can't fault him for that because I don't either), but he will go out on walks with me and sometimes we'll even spend a whole day out walking at a park. He also hasn't fully cut out sodas or energy drinks, but he has transitioned away from them with 0 calorie options (which I know that's not exactly healthy either, but lifestyle changes do take a while).
I'd recommend talking to him and telling him how you're feeling and maybe approaching it from the angle of you being concerned for him.
No. 387588
File: 1711474197710.jpg (37.64 KB, 564x538, basketball.jpg)
does anyone have advice/tips for a temporary long-distance relationship? my boyfriend and i won't be able to see each other for a little over 3 months pretty soon. at most, i think i'll be able to visit him once during it. i'm not concerned about him cheating or anything like that but i do wanna make things last.
No. 387687
>>387641No need to cut off contact, whether the friendship is completely asexual and platonic or romantic and flirty.
Always keep a backup guy or two around when you’re dating a moid. If you went through a rough patch with your bf (and I’m assuming it’s his fault because it almost always is the moids fault) then it could very well happen again and lead to a breakup and then you’ll have no one else to talk to if you cut off the other guy and will have to go through the talking phase all over again. It’s always best to have a guy you know on a deeper level already.
Don’t feel guilty about it either because men would do the exact same if they could (and do when they can)
No. 387765
>>387710>successful photographer already, and makes good money. Highly doubt, you shouldn't believe him unless you have a lot of proof. That is such a common lie for photographer moids and other artist types, always saying they have a successful career when you're chatting online and then they super do not and it's also like a softcore porn / boudoir studio lol.
Anyway, break up with your boyfriend he sounds awful. Get higher standards and search for a guy you can meet in person, not a weirdo photographer who has been messaging you for years about how he loves you (I don't care how much you like the attention, that is super creepy).
No. 387766
>>387761If you liked him enough to live with him I would say you should have an honest discussion about how you can't agree to cohabitate and share financial responsibilities with him until he has an income himself and can contribute. Point blank, end of discussion.
Since it has literally been two months and it's way too soon for this and he is definitely hoping to use you, I think you should just break up with him. You shouldn't even entertain this. You're not gonna adopt an adult man as a live-in dependent, jesus christ.
No. 387858
>>387839I’m inclined to say keep your deadline. Is there some other extenuating circumstance? If not just keep your deadline. Personally don’t believe in changing plans last minute but your situation may be different.
I’m not really on the same wavelength as you are though because I was having conversations about marriage and timeline really bluntly on my own terms and it wasn’t a situation of finding a ring but I hope this is like a romantic thing that you’re excited about.
No. 387864
>>387685Read through this and see for yourself.
I did it once. Turned me into his full time wrangler, mom, babysitter and nurse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ADHD_partners/comments/17s0ll8/how_did_adhd_partner_affect_your_mental_health/ No. 387929
>>387927He's not any of that. Maybe stop making up stereotypical cartoon characters in your head?
>>387920Don't worry I will.
No. 387940
>>387685It's not only ADHD but also bad parenting e.g neglect.
They're tards and if they grow up in the wrong household they don't get their life together.
No. 387956
>>387710You've a plenty good reason to leave the current bf but
> Anyway, there is a guy who has had a crush on me for YEARS and is constantly talking to me online about how I am always going to be his crush and he truly loves meSometimes when you've been accepting bullshit from one partner, it's good to step back and assess why you put up with the bs. Leave because you're done with this guy. Do it for you. Not because some guy online says you're his crush and he 'truly loves you' before ever even dating you. Wtf is that. More bullshit.
No. 388174
>>388110Convert all of this to non-ldr equivalents and you'd easily consider this grounds for breaking up. Then go back to the reality of this being an LDR and lookg at the fact that they live in the same city and the relationship is even more over.
Do yourself a favor and dump him.
No. 388366
>>388118As someone who was once young and also obsessed with that game, he MIGHT not be.
If you're both young, things can be hard. Young people don't get to experience too many things.
You should talk to him about it and if he doesn't give a genuine response that is backed up with action, you need to drop him.
Hope this finds you well.
No. 388403
>>388379It's good you never had sex, you dodged a huge bullet
nonnie. Pray you have a better valentines day next year and meet your true nigel eventually.
No. 388408
>>388374you're not being rude, though my situation was not exactly the same.
young people act impulsively and unless you were raised properly you won't learn about treating the people you love properly until you hurt them.
I hurt a lot of people just trying to find something meaningful in life. This does not excuse the behavior though.
No. 388507
>>388501You're overthinking
nonnie, forget formal periods of waiting, do you want to go out with people right now or not? That's really all that matters.
No. 388651
File: 1712005253196.jpeg (19.4 KB, 247x275, received_7235092526619141.jpeg)
I've already whinged about this in the vent thread but I feel so angry and upset, nonnies. I think I've missed my chance with somebody I really liked because I waited too long to confess how I feel. we were friends with benefits and I realised I was getting too attached and pulled away, ended up back with my ex because he guilted me into giving him another chance. I realised I actually have real feelings for my friend and ended it with my ex as soon as I figured that out. I told my friend how I feel and he said he had felt the same way and was too scared to say anything and was really cut up about me pulling away. now he's told me that just starting to see someone else and feels all kinds of confused after my confession and has asked me to leave him be for a few days whilst he figures it out. I fear I may have totally fucked it, girls. have any of you ever successfully clawed something back after miscommunication and poor timing with feelings?
No. 388681
>>388284>>388288>>388294thanks nonas. sadly i haven’t got the bravery to tell him yet because im afraid of confrontation but im trying to think of a way to do so soon
>>388370he's not ignoring me because of the game though, he’s ignoring me because he’s been hanging out nonstop with a girl we met in the game. they do play a lot but i didn’t really mind
that much, since sometimes i play with them too. the thing is that they’re still calling and texting each other all day everyday. in fact, as of writing this they’ve been in voice call for 5 hours now. guess i sound jealous but i wouldn’t feel ok doing what he's doing.
No. 388841
>>388834>>388836Thank you, nonnies. It's been a really hurtful experience as of late dealing with this retard. I really thought he was my best friend and he pulled the rug right under me. I can't entirely get rid of him since we're both in the same circles, academics in mind.
I'm fine with not being romantically involved – I'm just hurt about these one sided mind games he's been pulling. I slept with him because I felt that we had a mutual foundation of trust and respect. (Retarded of me, I know).
I really just wanted to be his friend.
No. 388844
>>388841Cont.
The only reason I even told him I had romantic feelings is because he told me he did. I feel like a fucking clown, which I rightfully am lmao
No. 388850
>>388841>>388844you deserve much better than this, im sorry he isn't easily avoidable. i can't blame you for feeling hurt, he's being an asshole and it's his own fault. he needs to grow up. i'm sorry you have to deal with his shitty behavior
nonnie. it's not your fault.
No. 388857
>>388850thank you
nonnie, i really appreciate you
No. 389625
>>387864I just started dating an ADHD moid a month ago and I’m already absolutely miserable and ready to leave.
He’s an extreme porn addict, like literally wanks for 5-6 hours or more a day. It’s disgusting. Once he pops his addies/vyvanse all he wants to do is goon. His only other hobby is going on 4chan and watching YouTube videos. He literally doesn’t do anything else. It’s so strange.
He also negs me constantly then plays dumb and pretends he didn’t know he said something wrong. He literally links me onlyfans whores and porn videos and says stuff like ‘I wish you would wear this lingerie and dye your hair the same color as her, can you do your makeup like hers’ etc. I’m met with constant criticism, and he blames it on his impulsiveness and says he blurts things out sometimes and can’t help it, when in reality he’s just being mean and rude.
He also leaves me on read for hours because he ‘forgot’ to get back to me, but will obsessively spam me messages if I don’t reply to him within 20 minutes. I’ve never met such an irresponsible lazy manchild in my entire life. His mom pays for everything too. He doesn’t work.
I’m sure there are decent men out there with ADHD but so far my impression of them has been absolutely abysmal.
No. 389640
>>389638>>389637What a demon scrote. I'm so sorry.
>But he’s been threatening to kill himself if I leave, so I’m just making sure to minimize damage to me and himself. Not your problem. Leave him now and wait for the suicide threat, then call the cops and tell them there's a psychiatric emergency / active suicide threat and give them his address. That's all you can do.
No. 389708
File: 1712516875063.png (124.51 KB, 828x780, 1697261560303.png)
How do you stop having anxiety about your Nigel looking at porn or being a creep to women? My Nigel used to be a PA but for the past year he has been actively against porn and consistently shows me that he has changed. He lets me use his phone for anything and is basically obsessed with me. But I can't shake the feeling that it could happen anytime and he could relapse. How do other nonnies deal with this? Especially married ones?
No. 390164
>>390137he is a lost cause, nona. he will troon out, mark my words. if he actually didn't want to have the costume, he would have already thrown it out. if it actually distressed him to own, he would have thrown it out. if it actually reminded him of an
abusive situation, he would have thrown it out. men know all to well how to feign stupidity and forgetfulness. in years past he might be able to receive psychological treatment, but the vast majority of therapists will encourage him to reenact his alleged abuse under the guise of supporting his heckin
valid twans identity. cut your losses, you won't recover the from the ick anyway.
No. 390182
>>390137As a fellow
nonny who also believed their partner was anti-porn, because he said he was, ummm… Let me tell you, they always are looking at porn. Always.
No. 390289
>>390137I’m repulsed by anything to do with troons but if what you’re bf is saying is true then I do have some sympathy. 19 and 30 is a pretty big age gap and I know girls of 18-19 who dated older men and got pressured into doing disgusting shit that they hated and regret. It is possible your bf was groomed by this woman because he was lonely and desperate and also had issues like you said.
Holding onto the uniforms and stuff is a bit of a red flag, but it’s possible he genuinely either forgot it was there, was holding onto it as a king of trophy to prove to himself that he managed to have sex (yes a lot of moids are this desperate and need that validation). If he truly doesn’t express any tranny instincts or interests now or in the future then I would say it was just a stupid sexual learning curve that needs to be left in the past. However if he expresses any kind of tranny behavior you need to dump his ass. See how he reacts to you throwing the uniform away to test him.
No. 390291
>>389625As someone who wasted 6 years of my life wrangling, mommying and nursing an ADHDemon scrote, I’m telling you now, you need to run.
What you need to understand is that when you’re in a relationship with an ADHD man, you don’t actually exist. Like toddlers they have no sense of object permanence, so if he can’t physically see you then he won’t even remember you exist. And when you are there aka you exist, you exist solely to coddle him, indulge his every whim, listen to him talk without saying anything about yourself. You will know absolutely everything about him but he will know absolutely nothing about you and won’t care to ask. And even if you tell him, he’ll forget. That’s if he’s taken his meds that day and is being somewhat functional and pleasant.
If he’s off his meds, be prepared to interact with a grouchy, irritable, messy pig who gets offended over everything, says the meanest most passive aggressive shit you’ve heard in your life, can’t get out of bed, has no interests besides doomscrolling and leaves cumstains on the sheets, crumbs all over the keyboard and his skidmarks/whole shits in the toilet bowl.
Don’t even think about having kids with an ADHDemon because you’re immediately going to be a de facto single mom. If you’re lucky enough for him to turn up at the birth, he will forget your kids birthdays, he’ll forget to pick them up from school, he’ll forget to cook dinner, take out the trash or take the food out of the freezer, and essentially direct every single household and childcare responsibility to you. Even if you manage to get him to partake in some chores, with his weaponized helplessness he will do it so badly that you end up having to do it over anyway. You can expect another 20-30 years of this before you finally get divorced. He’s constantly bored so he will likely be talking to and trying to meet up with other women the whole time.
You will be doing literally everything to take care of your biological child and another dependent adult child too. It will be hell. And the worst part is, kids eventually grow up, but ADHD men don’t.
No. 390292
>>390291In short, it’s his world and you’re just living in it (for a while).
When he’s done lovebombing you, his constant neglect, bluntness and thoughtlessness will impact your self esteem and outside of pestering you for sex when you least want it, don’t expect any shows of appreciation or validation.
There’s a ton of women who also discussed their experiences with ADHD moids and it ain’t pretty.
No. 390309
>>390198What I recommend to nonas who find it hard to leave (unfortunately only working for those who aren’t living with their SOs) is to find an excuse to create temporary physical distance. Going on some sort of short trip is ideal but understandably not feasible for most. Just make it a point to NOT see the person you know deep down is
toxic for at least a week while maintaining minimal (if any) contact and see how much better you feel. Then after you reject their first proposal to meet up, in my experience you have so much momentum and are feeling better to the point where rejecting the rest becomes easier.
Sorry if this advice is on par with telling a homeless person to just go to the house store and buy a house. I’m remembering how many
toxic situationships of yore I found much easier to break off after being removed from the typical “routine.”
No. 390421
More of a vent but my bf tried to troon out years ago and I told him that I'd break up with him if he did, and since then he seemed to accept he isn't a troon and is fine with being a gnc male and seemed to come to terms with it and accept himself. Felt like he was just a gnc male that fell for propaganda and got confused when he was younger, and this is also what got me to peak on trans stuff (not that I ever really believed it, but still). However, despite this he still gets butthurt anytime I bring up anything trans related because he (somehow) wasn't really peaked on trans shit and still supports it even if he no longer wants to troon out himself and knows my views. He is one of those people who thinks we should be "nice" to people and just let them do whatever they want otherwise you're a bigot, and so on.I just feel like I'm walking on eggshells and have to constantly avoid any sjw topics since his only response is to either ignore me when I talk about the topic or start arguments with me over it and get triggered rather than just being able to have a normal discussion. And it just sucks because I don't like how I feel like I have to censor myself around him, and I end up feeling like he doesn't really respect or appreciate my opinions or views and seems to believe I'm just "misguided", and I'd rather he could appreciate my views and my intelligence instead of thinking I'm a retard. It also doesn't make sense to me how he doesn't understand I'd feel this way on trans stuff when him almost trooning out nearly killed our relationship. Another thing is, he's always been more of a stoic silent type, but it's getting to me how it just feels like I'm talking to myself a lot of the time. But at the same time, I also don't have anyone else and he's the only attractive man that's ever liked me, and I can admitedly be kind of an autist. I also would never want to date ever again if I broke things off with him since I'm honestly tired, have low self esteem and feel cynical of men as a whole. I don't feel like I could find someone this attractive with similar hobbies to mine that also wasn't pro gender shit lol. And I feel this way about most of my friends too minus the attractive part, and it fucking sucks. Idk.
No. 390456
This is both a rant and a vent but I'm also wondering if any nonnies have been in a similar spot and can maybe offer some advice on what helped them. I'm dating a really lovely, kind guy and we have a very long history together. He's a safe person for me, and would never EVER be the type to hurt me. We haven't had sex in a while, and while a lot of it can be boiled down to us going through a rough patch after major life changes/adjustments I realised I've been avoiding being intimate with him all together. We spoke about it last night because he tried to initiate and I rejected him, and he was fine with it but it made me really anxious. We talked about it, and I realised through talking with him that I still have a lot of ptsd from an ex boyfriend who raped me. I had been raped before, but not by a partner, and didn't realise how that factor would affect me in a different way. It's weird that I hadn't connected the dots because I've been getting flashbacks about the rape for the last few months and just waved it away as my mind fixating on it for some reason. It happened years ago so I thought I had moved past it.
I know now that being close with the person I'm sleeping with terrifies me. My ex did what he did in a way where it felt like he was so overwhelmed with his desire for me that he didn't stop when I said no, like he couldn't control his urges. So now whenever my current boyfriend expresses any desire for me my brain goes into alert mode and I get really anxious. Through talking to him about it he now knows and is more than willing to be patient with me.
It makes so much sense now, and why I've been so afraid to get close to anyone I was sleeping with. Part of me feels really bad, I feel so fundamentally broken. When I was single I couldn't wait to have a partner again, thinking intimacy would come so much easier with someone I was safe with and loved. Someone I could fuck all the time, someone who respected me and my body. But now I just clam up. When my boyfriend and I first got together I was so horny and we had sex all the time, and it feels like the closer we've gotten the more I've pulled away and become uncomfortable at the thought of sex. I've lost all my drive, I don't even think about it anymore.
I feel bad for my bf who loves me dearly, loves pleasing me and I've been so stone cold with him. I wish I could get my drive back and wish I didn't dread sex. Every time it gets there my brain just goes into warning mode. Anyone else experience something similar? Also therapy is unfortunately out of my budget, hence posting on here.
No. 390472
>>390469I know that he is not because
1) he masturbates once a year and have been to doctor about it (nothing wrong physiologically)
2) he thinks that "ecchi" is stimulating in any way
3) he just openly considers sex cringe and does not like being associated with it or feeling arousal
4) he literally goes all red and hides face and start playing dumb if I attempt to takk about sex to him
No. 390475
>>390473Jeez he isnt gay. He likes female bodies, just thinks that penises in them is gross. He is more likely a misandrist than gay in any way.
And how is who he is related to my question? Its just a matter a fact that I need a way to cope with sexless life.
No. 390476
>>390469>>390473I'm one of the nonnas who usually tells women to just break up in these threads but this guy genuinely just sounds like he has low sex drive. It's possible.
>>390466Masturbate if you really don't want to break up with him.
No. 390478
File: 1712820856217.png (166.23 KB, 880x964, 7083822_girl-crying-sad-anime-…)
>>390476I do masturbate, but it doesnt work to stop my brain from wanting sex. I keep fantasing about stuff at work, all fucking day. I am pretty much THE coomer one in this relationships, and I cut out reading doujins to salvage but my brain just fills in by making porn of my own in my head.
For context its not a problem when he has "in-mood" weeks few times a year. But you cant just reolace sex with masturbation. I need to kill my drive somehow.
No. 390484
>>390475have you considered the possibility that you're bad in bed
I can't imagine anyone with a functioning dick being so averse to sex otherwise
Even decrepit men are chronically thirsty
No. 390495
>>390466Girl, if sex is what you need, then sex is what you need. Don't try to fix yourself or your moid, you're becoming codependent on him. He's not sexually able to fulfill your needs and it's making you feel unloved. You need to be with someone who can provide sex to you because obviously you are craving the release of oxytocin and your man is too stuck in whatever trauma he has to do that. He's not on the same page as you and he doesn't care enough to make some sacrifice to inconvenience himself and get help. I'm sorry
nonnie, but complaining isn't going to change him, you wishing away your natural instinct to have sex with someone you are romantically close to, won't change the reality of what's at hand. Either cope by masturbating or stop wasting time with this moid who cannot fulfill this love you need.
No. 390508
>>390461Yeah, I've considered that too, that he still might want to troon out or is lying to me just to keep me from breaking up with him, especially since I don't think he believes he has that many options (just like me) and I'm the first woman he's ever dated. Over the years it's become kind of hard to tell because ever since he realized he didn't have to troon out to be gnc, he grew his hair out more and seems to feel better about how he looks, refers to himself as male and whenever I mention males he feels included or shares his perspective, and talked to me about how he doesn't feel like he relates to trans people after thinking about it more (and he just said this totally unprompted by me) even if he supports them and how he didn't think men were allowed to be gnc or feminine. So this makes me feel confused as to if he still wants to troon out or not, since he seems to have this understanding but still gets mad whenever I bring up troons or say it's a regressive ideology, which is strange to me when he acknowledges he himself was a
victim of their propaganda and that it misled him. I feel like it could also be because he knows a lot of trans and gendie types and might feel like I'm offending them, or something. I do think he sees me as a bigot which sucks and it actively puts distance between us, but it's honestly a two way street. On one hand I see him as naive and lost some attraction to him due to him even considering trooning out and having these views that I consider homophobic and misogynistic (which he didn't have when we first met), and on the other, he sees me as, well, a bigot who hates the poor wittle gender people. So I do feel like there's built up resentment but probably more so from my side actually, since it bothers me how I can't just talk about whatever I want with him, and I suffered a lot at the time when he told me he wanted to troon out, even if he never ended up doing it and apologized to me many times I feel like I never fully got over it, and it doesn't help that he doesn't denounce troon shit or still capes for it. In his case it feels like he doesn't care as much even if he sees my opinions as "wrong" and kinda just wants to avoid the subject and talk to me about other things. He still seems to enjoy my company whenever the subject is something else and committed to me in general. I think he probably sees it like having a "bigoted" family member who you still like outside of those views. It's difficult because I do care for him and don't really want to break up over something like this, but I also like having the freedom to talk about anything I want. I'm in a similar situation with my friends where a lot of them drank the koolaid and I can still enjoy their company, but it makes me feel shitty that I can't ever say how I feel on gender stuff since they'd probably hate me for it and probably just cut me off unlike my bf.
No. 390511
>>390478Nonna I have no advice for you, I just share you pain. My bf has always had a pretty low sex drive for a man, but he went into depression last autumn which absolutely killed the last bits of libido he had left. He's been getting a lot better mood-wise but we still haven't had sex in months. I just want him to spoon me in the mornings with a random boner. I miss it so much, him being aroused by me just being there
I've resorted to reading smut. It's not much but it's something
No. 390514
>>390484Both his exes dumped him forlack of sex, so its def not a me problem.
>>390485I'm disgusted by any moid that isnt him. I tried cheating once and ended up crying on dudes couch and running away.
>>390495I do not feel unloved, sex is not really part of my identity, when I want sex I feel posessed and I'd rather not feel that at all.
I dont seek to change him, I know its not possible. I am seeking to transform.myself into sex repulsed ubermensch.
>>390511I feel like smut just makes me worse.
On the other hand thinking back to all that rare times we had amazing sex makes me almost wanna cry…
No. 390518
>>390514You're speaking from a place of believing you have no value. You deserve to have sex with someone. You feel possessive because you
do need to have it to feel fulfilled, it's not an issue with you watching porn and trying to reduce watching it. I haven't watched porn in over a year and I
still have sex and masturbate often, the only thing that's changed is I'm content with vanilla sex now. And while yes cheating is not the right way to go about it, you ended up crying because you are still attaching yourself to someone who can not love you completely. You're minimizing this part of yourself by trying to focus on his good qualities, but there's still this quality he lacks that you desire. Nonna, he is not going to be that person, he can't be that person, and you deserve to be with someone who checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve. Sex is necessary for you. Please don't feel bad about your moid.
No. 390524
>>390518she said possessed as in she feels like it's unnatural to want to have sex. she said in her first post she believes that frigid women nonsense, which is just moid cope for why their wife doesn't want to have terrible sex with them. just read her OP
>>390466 this sounds like scrote larp to me.
No. 390526
>>390518> checks every box in basic needs and wants you deserve.That is literally not possible, and implying that it is does no good at all, you are basically pushing me to be left with a bucket full of holes. He checks more boxes than any other moid could ever hope to. Lacking in sexual drive is the least offensive thing a man can do in a relationship. But aside from him just being an amazing dude, you need to consider that I have actual assburgers syndrome, that I have never had any friends, never connected even to my own family and have spent most of my youth just living in my head. A person I can actually interact with consistently, not even talking about romance, is like one in a million. I dont care what he lacks, everybody lacks something, and I'd rather this something was sex than lack of patience and generosity.
>>390523I dont get what is baity about anything I wrote.
>>390524The reason why I believe in frigid women is because whenever I have attempted to talk about sex with other women irl all them talked about as if they wished sex did not exist in this world. For reference the only girl I still talk to after 5 years of knowing her, is 32 year old virgin who have never had even a desire to kiss. I feel completely inadequate in my desire to have sex compared to like 80% of women I have met in reality.
No. 390527
>>390526>using scrote terms>acting like women hate sex and that it's normal>tried cheatingthere's not much about your posts that
aren't bait. especially the shit you wrote in
this post about women, again. the way you talk about women and our sexuality reads as moid bait. on the off chance this isn't bait you have an extremely extremely unhealthy relationship with both yourself and this male. the way that you're praising him, yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in love and are just clinging to him for emotional support that you probably need by getting therapy.
No. 390535
>>390527> the way that you're praising himThe only reason why I am doing that is because others are stirring the conversation into the theme of his qualities.
The point is, I am not leaving and it is not up for discussion. I do not care what others think about what he lacks or whatever.
Therapy is not emotional support and is absolutely pointless thing. I would know as a person who have been dragged around by doctors my whole life and have an official diagnosis.They cannot fix anything if your problem is real, only put a bandaid on a broken bone.
He however actually helped me to fix my life. I used to just live in my head, now I have career, hobbies, and I see myself as beautiful. I am not afraid to actually be present in the world.
> yet apparently tried to cheat on him is a huge red flag and it doesn't seem like you are actually really in loveI tried to find a solution to the sex problem, there isn't much else to it. It didn't work so it was striked out of the list. That was after he did his own attempts to increase libido.
And it was my mom who recommended me to a find a lover.
> especially the shit you wrote in this post about women, again.I don't understand this implication at all as I am LITERALLY just describing my real life experience. Women are not all the same and many genuinely hate sex as an idea.
>>390528We are both from completely secular liberal families.
I am not quite sure about it, but if anything he was maybe damaged by a radfem ex, because he mentioned something about all heterosex being inherently rape once. I remember that shit from 2010s antimoid communes, Oh I do. Sounded based back then (when I was fucking 14 and the sight of porn immediately made me wanna puke).
>>390529I do not have intrinsic need to be in a relationship as idea. Because generally speaking interacting with humans is unsatisfying for me. But he makes me love myself because he inspires me to be a better person, I love him back for that. Yes it is not a perfect, conflit-free road, but with him, trying to solve the issues is worth it because my life is just objectively better when he is in it.
No. 390539
>>390526There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you. Generosity and niceness are also positive qualities, but you also desire closeness and intimacy and he can't do that for you. Stop hanging onto this man because your bucket with him has this huge hole in it that cannot be repaired. Women do like sex they enjoy sex. Maybe the women you talk to don't enjoy the idea of having sex replicating pornography and that's perfectly fine, but women still enjoy sex and you do as well.
>>390535>My life is better with him in itCodependency 101. Nonna, I'm glad he's been a good influence for you, but you ultimately made these choices to do an effort in getting better by getting a job, finding hobbies you enjoy, and viewing yourself as beautiful. You did all that, not him.
No. 390543
>>390539> You did all that, not him.I did it myself, but I did because he made the world meaningful, vibrant and safe for me. He made the grounds on which I could grow.
> Codependency 101As far as I am aware this term refers to pairs in which one partner is addicted, while the other becomes intertwined with their addiction, trying to fix their addictions. That is not quite the case here, even if my attachment is not completely healthy. But my life without having this outlet for my emotions is not something I want to deal with at all. I don't want to go back THERE. Being with him taught me what being alive feels like at all.
>There's so many men in the world and i feel you're young enough to continue searching for a man who can completely fulfill you.Again I don't believe that not because other good men don't exist, but because connection and bond that I have is something intangible that can't really be replicated. If I will be left to my own terms right now, I will just crawl back into myself. Because it is so abstract and intangible there is no actual cues as to how to "search" for it. I did not search for him in fact, he fell into my lap like character from anime would. But also, it is so freaking easy to fall into socialphobia when you are alone, because why would I want to eat cactus and get disappointed meeting people of my own will.
No. 390572
>>390537this is strange to me. does he watch porn in secret?
btw any man who doesn't want to have sex as much as his female partner is definitely either doing this, cheating on you, gay, or has severe trauma. it's abnormal.
No. 390594
>>390543I'm more referring to it in the sense that you depend on him to be this person who makes your life completely better. You have the ability to see your life in a positive sense now, you're not going to go back "there" if that's what you're afraid of. You have the mental tools to not regress. Your bond with him is not unique. He's likely a very gentlemanly type who respects you enough to show you how he copes with difficult situations. You can find another secure man who wants to have sex with you nonna. You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourself because it doesn't match him. If he cared for your sexual needs, he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex. In this case, he
is responsible for your emotional well-being because he can provide sexual satisfaction for you as a romantic partner. Can he do that?
No. 390613
>>390594I am going back there, I know it because, I have tried breaking up before and I had to call it off due to suicide attempts(mine).
>Your bond with him is not unique.Except it is because I never felt anything towards anybody before, and he entered my life when I was 25 already and have met enough people through social institutions. I've been on plenty of dates too, and if I judged my life based on times before him I would identify as aromantic. But with him, something suddenly clicked. He isnt even extraordinarily attractive physically, however everything about him, every move and word felt it was custom sculpted(by higher powers) just for me.
>You wishing your libido wasn't so high is you losing a sense of yourselfI don't see it this way, because I never considered my high libido a good thing. Its extremely annoying and it is preventing me from being a good and rational person.
>he'd at least sexually touch you or give you oral even when he's not wanting to do the act of sex.He have done so but!
Doing oral without being aroused sounds extremely gross. I wouldn't do something like that myself, why would I want to force him into it.
We have plenty of general physical affection.
>>390607I am not happy to use toys. It's like eating buckwheat when you want meat. I only ever use toys for masturbation if I want to get off as quickly as possible and forget it all and move on with the day.
No. 390683
>>390672>He was completely obsessed with trying to bimbofy me toonta but wow, this happened to be too. my ex was pornsick and he would always try to get me to wear crop tops and really short shorts, even though he knew I didn't like showing a lot of skin. if we ever went shopping, that's always what he wanted to buy for me.
now he's a troon that's skinwalking my style (i'm goth) but also calling himself a "bimbo". even dyed his hair the same color. that made me grossed out and i tried to change my style, but it didn't feel like me and eventually i learned that my style is mine and i was dressing like this way before some degenerate decided to copy me. he should change, not me.
>>390537he should get tested for low testosterone. it's even happening to guys in their 20s now.
No. 390703
>>390456That sounds really rough and I feel like it's normal for you to be anxious about your situation, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You're not fundamentally broken. You're just reacting in a normal way to traumatic experiences you never deserved to go through, your rapists are the only ones who are fundamentally broken people, not you. It might be a trauma you carry, but it doesn't mean you can't heal over time, even if you haven't yet or thought you did but it's still affecting you, etc. Also, the way I see it, if your bf was the kind of guy to get super upset about you not having sex for a while or being reluctant, especially after something as traumatic as that, then he wouldn't be the guy for you. You need someone who's willing to be patient with you as you heal. It seems like a good sign that he's willing to be patient with you after you two talked about it. Maybe you can try to reassure him it's not his fault and be intimate in smaller ways, so you can eventually build your way up to feeling safe while having sex again.
No. 390744
>>390615He is always willing to help. But its not a matter of focusing on yourself, pushing people into sexual acts when they do not want it themselves is rape. And its immoral, it does not feel good for me. Sex (and its alternatives) can only happen on two sided consent. Being pitypressured into it is not consent.
>>390623I'm scared of taking birth control because it will likely make me baloon up really badly.
And those anaphrodisiacs I googled are basicallly alll "get fat" foods LOL. Though maybe I could cut coffee.
>>390616I'm not sure its medical, one nona recommended hypnosis so maybe I'll try looking into that one.
No. 390819
>>390676If a moid is not honest enough to tell you he does watch porn then he's trash. It's definitely something you can work on with a good relationship and a proper sex life. It's something moids can grow out of.
Single moids almost all watch it, and it's not your job to tame their retarded coomer brains. If your moid is in his 20s and telling you he doesn't watch porn he's lying
No. 390978
>>39097692 out of 100 moids watch porn but yes let's assume yours isn't lying. You have no sense of self preservation and are incredibly naive. There's anons itt every day who are hellbent on claiming their moids aren't watching porn, you didn't all get the 8%.
I want all of you to have bfs or husbands who deeply respect you, this is not me actively wishing your bfs are lying, but don't be naive. Statistically it makes no sense to assume your bf isn't watching porn, especially when it serves them to lie about it.
No. 390993
>>390292I was talking to an ADHD moid from my friendship group for a while and it was exactly this. He lovebombed me for a month, and then began ghosting for weeks at a time - because he'd "forget" to reply.
He always remembered to reply when he wanted something though!
No. 391009
>>390990First, you should take this to the sex advice thread then you wouldn't have to apologize for graphicness.
My brief advice is to make sure you tell your girlfriend what's going on in your head before you break her heart and make her think you hate her, she can definitely tell you're not enjoying yourself. As for you, you need to learn to relax and trust. After you talk with her, start with things over the clothes or doing it in the dark if that helps. Whatever you do to get over this block, just make sure you talk to her so she's on the same page.
No. 391092
>>391033I'm not shy with her, but yeah I do have body image issues so it's probably that. It's not a massive issue, but we do still both enjoy sex.
>>391009Thanks for advice nona, I'm going to talk with her about it next time we're together. I do just need to chill the fuck out and relax I think.
No. 391129
>>391092Good luck, nona.
I have another suggestion but don't want to come across as suggesting you try something kinky, but a blindfold for one or both of you could help you focus on the sensations and not how you look or how embarrassed you are or whatever the hangup is. As a temporary thing. I had body issues when I was younger and it honestly helped me to climax if I covered my eyes, like it helped me get out of my head about what I looked like and just feel pleasure. Your milage may vary, I imagine depending on your trust in your partner a blindfold could make you more nervous. If you were with a guy I would say put the blindfold on him.
No. 391167
>>391162Also it was his biological sister, not even his stepsister🤢 (she is at least older than him though, thank god)
I’m extremely sad and disappointed and disgusted because he didn’t seem the type to be like that at all. He says he was just a horny curious teenager and it was a mistake but it still creeps me out and makes me worried to think if we ever had a daughter or something he would do it to her underwear or worse too.
(emoji) No. 391230
>>391162I'm willing to bet this is more common than most people think it is, but that doesn't make it acceptable no.
I'll be honest, I don't know what I'd do in your situation, it's difficult to know whether it's really just a horny teenager's mistake or if he's a risk for repeated behaviour, and what is says about the way he views women. That he admitted it so easily makes me think he thinks about it lightly. How long have you been together?
No. 391253
>>391229Dump. And don't tell him why, he will just hide it from the next woman.
t. sister of brothers who were creeps and I can tell you that kind of behavior only comes with a huge dose of misogyny and family issues
No. 391307
>>391306Bad behavior**
Not bath lol
No. 391308
>>390993My ADHD ex bf was like this too. I’d be really tired when I came home from work (he larped as a ‘househusband’ and really did nothing the whole time while I worked) and I’d need to sleep, but he’d tell me I need to wake up in 30 minutes so we can watch a movie he really wanted to see together and eat the ‘dinner’ he’d made. So I’d sleep for 30 minutes and wake up, still groggy, and then he’d suddenly say he was really tired and needed a 15 minute nap too and he’ll finish dinner in a little while, and then would end up popping a sleeping pill without telling me and go unconscious for like 6 hours. No dinner, no movie. I’d end up having to go make myself something to eat on top of working and being sleep deprived.
After a while of endless similar behaviors I got so sick of it all and dumped him, and don’t regret it for even a minute, even though I was wildly in love with him at the time.
Being in a relationship with someone like this is like an endless series of them trolling you. Sometimes you wonder if they’re doing it just to annoy/spite you, but the weaponized incompetence and lack of self awareness is unfortunately just part of the ADHD moid mindset (ADHD women usually aren’t as bad because women are conditioned to be accommodating and considerate, ADHD moids are usually either coddled by a mommy who does everything for them, or were badly neglected and learned to never look out for anyone else but themselves)
After dating an ADHD moid I think I would genuinely prefer to date a bpdemon or aspdemon moid over another ADHD one.
No. 391340
File: 1713133489939.jpg (32.37 KB, 477x596, 0f89edfc22351d9f5d354d6df8beaa…)
>dating bf for 2 years
>he met my family a couple months ago
>he is very sociable and did his best to make a good impression including learning my native language
>today my brother pulls me aside and tells me he is not attractive enough for me and I should reconsider asap and not take the relationship any further
>he tells me there are much better men in my home country that I can pick from
>I don't think he is ugly at all, I am attracted to him and I really like his side profile and eye color and height
>he is also a decent earner and extremely romantic
>feeling devastated when the negative sentiment is echoed by others in my family
Idk what to think. My brother growing up was the redpill bro type who always muttered about how women are shallow, now he seems more shallow than anyone. As for the others, it was a big step and very hard for me to reveal we were dating as I've never done that before (I'm in my late 20's and was a shy single homebody for a long time), so this disapproval is a big fear of mine coming true.
No. 391343
>>391340If you date somebody that is not your "looksmatch," you're invalidating and threatening your brother's terminally online redpill worldview, so he takes it personally.
I'm sorry that he and your family are not supportive, but if your boyfriend is really a good guy, he will grow on the members of your family that have your best interests in mind. Idk where your family is from, but half my family is from a 3rd world country, and they all have the same superficial attitude as yours. However, the ones that I respect have all more-or-less come around to my partner and are happy for us, even though they would not have made the same choices that I have. But they respect me, and they understand that I am rationally choosing partners based on what
I find attractive and what
I value, so they have come to respect my relationship as well.
And almost every single one that isn't accepting has had a long string of terrible relationships, and I do not feel at all torn up that I do not have their approval.
No. 391365
>>391343>>391344Thank you for your support. I dont want to tell my bf about this (he thinks my family is great and they got along well). I think you're both right and he was projecting based on his own insecurity, and my family is listening to him… which sucks because my brother is a lot older than me and I wished I could rely on him for sound life advice.
At least if he said he was a bad guy I'd get trying to break us up, but he just attacked his looks and said he's not alpha (which is ironic because my bf is much taller than him).
No. 391421
File: 1713161752932.jpeg (634.1 KB, 828x820, IMG_2307.jpeg)
idk if this is relationship advice technically since i’m single but i feel like y’all will have better advice regarding my current issue as you have at least secured a scrote
men compliment me pretty often and i am an autist so i am typically very friendly about it but they never end up actually pursuing me or flirting with me? like guys will approach me at shows or bars or whatever and be like “i really like your [insert outfit choice here]” or “you’re really pretty/beautiful/cute” (i understand this just sounds like i can’t identify gay men but i swear these are heterosexuals) or something and it seems like they are flirting and then i will try to engage further if they are cute but it never advances past following each other on instagram and then they never interact with me again and i don’t know what i am doing wrong
even my friends will say that it seems like someone was super into me so it’s not like i’m just being fully oblivious or autistic but then they never actually pursue anything, like they will make a point of introducing themselves to me and asking for my contact information and then never ever hit me up after that?? how do i fix this
No. 391695
How to get over the feelings that come up from having a boyfriend who was-slash-maybe-still-is addicted to porn? And I don’t mean porn in the classical sense, I mean super involved, digital drawing stuff that I could never even hope to play out for him. I feel like I’m going insane. I feel as though I need to be sexually available to him one hundred percent of the time, otherwise he’ll just turn to other things to get off. I feel like I’m not the person he’s thinking about when we’re having sex. Which is leading me to think that I want to do super crazy, involved things with him sexually in order to override the other stuff going on in his head. Dear reader, I don’t. I just want to have normal fucking sex. Furthermore, because I’m not satisfying sexually, I feel like I need to be the perfect girlfriend in every other regard to make up for it. I’m neurotic about it. And it’s not that he’s even necessarily doing anything wrong, he’s very gentle and sweet and reassuring to me and promises that I do it for him and that I’m lovely. This whole thing is something I’ve spun out internally. I just know what he has been into in the past and now that I have this idea in my head I’m running with it, and I’m worrying and creating these probably-false realities and consequently I don’t believe him when he tells me those things, because how could I ever measure up to the other stuff? The idea is absurd. I feel like I’m competing with someone or something. I don’t want to leave him. I just want to know how to get over this. I love him and I want to be with him in perpetuity. He’s good and precious and everything I want. I just also want to be everything he wants. I’m going fucking insane.
No. 391710
>>3916958 billion of people on this earth and you pick a guy like that. I know most moids are porn consumers but you still managed to pick the shittiest amongst the shittiest, and for what? I bet he's just another regular guy who isn't getting you anything literally any other regular guy could give you.
You're doing this to yourself. This is a choice. I am
victim blaming because you deserve it.
No. 391723
>>391720It happened a few weeks ago and has been on my mind today which is why I posted, but the only reason I remember him saying is that it's not reversible.
Besides that I only remember him saying he just doesn't want one. Which I guess is his right to not want one but with all other options in comparison it's pretty stupid imo. Hope he likes condoms after not wearing them for however many baby making years we'll have had lol
No. 392046
>>390703AYRT and sorry for the late response but thank you so much for your kind words. It was a very thoughtful reply and I really appreciated it.
>>391308My ex had the trifecta of ADHD, autism and MDD and he was a NIGHTMARE. On the verge of trooning before I broke up with him too and he was a big factor in my peaking. Insane mommy issues, claimed he was asexual but had a thing for stockings and we still had sex (a lot of the time with our clothes on). He lived in an absolutely disgusting shack, couldn't look after himself and considered a shower jumping in his filthy pool at night with his clothes on.
No. 392135
How do I get my boyfriend to show his appreciation more? He's a quiet person by nature, but I've let him know over and over again that I need verbal affirmation in my relationships to feel like my emotional needs are getting met. I like being told I'm pretty, hot, sexy, beautiful, cute, whatever. Especially because I've seen his old social media accounts where he describes video game characters as "gorgeous" and "stunning" and "perfect," I think that he has an obligation to treat his girlfriend with the same degree of reverence. He doesn't post that stuff anymore, but I think the fact that he knows I know he's at least capable of showering (fake) women with affection like that means he should treat me at least as well. Whenever we have this type of conversation, he tries for like 2 days and then it goes back to normal. And when he does "try," it'll be something really milquetoast like "I like your hair." Then if I try to bring up that I don't think these are good enough compliments to make me feel as special to him, he gets all sensitive and says that he's afraid to try because he knows I'll just criticize him. Personally I think that's bullshit - I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too critical.
In every other way, our relationship is perfect. He's incredibly supportive and faithful to me. He does all the chores I don't want to do (we live together), we have very similar values and future goals, his family is amazing, we have incredible chemistry, and he genuinely seems to enjoy making my life easier. It's just that I can't get him to be as verbally affectionate as I need. In previous relationships, I got used to being told more or less on a daily basis how cute and pretty I am, how good I look in a given outfit, how lucky they are to be with me, etc. I didn't realize how much I took that stuff for granted until I started dating this guy. Now, it's making me feel like he's taking me for granted. How do I get him to compliment me more and make me feel good about myself without literally begging for attention?
No. 392138
>>392135>I think he's intentionally doing a shitty job at stepping up to the task so that he can blame it on me for being too criticalLook up weaponized incompetence, moids are experts at this even though they don't always do it consciously. I'd talk to him about it again, mentioning that you know he tried but it feels like he didn't try hard enough and it's even more insulting because it should be something that's effortless - literally doesn't take any time, money or thought, just being present and verbalizing his appreciation for you. Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure.
>it's making me feel like he's taking me for grantedI would also emphasize that aspect, maybe he doesn't understand why you need to hear that you're pretty everyday (moids can have a mindset of 'oh, but you
already know i find you pretty' and lack spontaneity with their emotions). Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met? Relationships are 50/50 and maybe if you ask him if he needs more reaffirmation himself, or maybe acts of service, he will open up and it will be both of you working towards a goal instead of him having to put efforts towards something he doesn't seem to grasp the importance of.
No. 392141
>>392138>Mention that you don't understand why he can do 'harder' things to show his love but not that simple thing that would make a huge difference to you. Maybe mentioning that your exes did it and that's why you're noticing it even more will touch his ego and motivate him, but it could also make him insecure. I have mentioned both of these things to him and it doesn't make a difference. When I bring up how I was used to this with my exes, he just says, "well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?"
>Lastly, do you think his emotional needs are met?Yes, and I have even told him that I make express efforts to use his love languages to make him feel loved and valued. He says he's happy in this relationship, and he knows that I have said that I'm not. I think he doesn't believe me when I say I'm unhappy or that if I don't get my needs met in this way I have to leave this relationship. Or he just thinks I'm saying dramatic things because I'm angry. When I mention to him that I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtful. Which just pisses me off more because it's like, of course you would find comparisons hurtful if you're free-riding this relationship not putting in the full effort.
No. 392144
>>392141>"well, how good could those relationships have been if they ended?" That would drive me crazy, I'm sorry you have to deal with this kind of circular argument.
>I work hard to make sure I'm using his love langauges, he says he thinks comparisons are hurtfulComparing your efforts to his efforts? It's not about saying you're a better person than him, just that you put more efforts in this relationship than him in that aspect. You aren't saying that to hurt him, but because you are hurting and need him to be confronted with that fact and do something about it. It does seem like he takes you for granted if he thinks it's just a whim and you won't do anything about it. Feeling loved is one of the most important part of a relationship: you said that everything about him was perfect, but to me he sounds more like a perfect friend or roommate than boyfriend if he cannot express his love to you. Just know that if the person you're supposed to be the closest with and share the most love with doesn't show that he values you and loves you, you will only end up losing your own self-love and esteem. I wake up everyday knowing that I could die, everyone that I love could die anytime, and I won't waste a day without showing my appreciation, love and respect for them. I wouldn't be able to be with someone that doesn't think like this, and maybe it's a lack of maturity or just carelessness, but he should grow out of it. It's clearly something important to you, as it should be, and if he doesn't realize it soon you have to be the one to bring consequences, or he won't change (and won't change for any other less important issues that will arise in the future).
No. 392198
>>392192Yeah it was social media (Snapchat). Unfortunately I texted him at three different times and he still wouldnt block me. I deleted his number so I don’t do it again.
You're probably right about him. I like giving people the benefit of doubt because I know things aren't black and white. I thought he might be insecure because after our first time he spammed my phone because he thought I didn't wanna deal with him anymore. And even I was cold to him and didnt message at all the next day because I was embarrassed over something that had happened. And right before i cut it off we had been planning to hang out again. There was miscommunication. I thought i was going to his place but apparently he was planning to come to me. Then told me he couldn't. And I got upset and felt like he just didnt wanna see me because he made plans with someone better. Especially because he didnt say anything when I mentioned that i could just go over myself. I was too upset and felt i already messed up the relationship being so invested. it shouldnt have bothered me that much. so i just told him nvm and that i didnt think this might be for me and that i had fun and goodluck. then went to cry and when i came back he had blocked me. but then my messages keep going through. I'm probably gaslighting myself but best case scenario I confused him. Most likely its simple and he is just an asshole
No. 392215
>>392198Please nona, work on gaining self-esteem and avoid relationships like that unless you truly don't give a fuck about them and know you won't get attached and it won't hurt your feelings. Those relationships are not for everyone even though they're being normalized, and it's not your fault or weird. What did this bring you, apart from cries, headaches and time wasted? Compared to the sex, which wasn't necessarily that good, and the nice moments that could've happened, was is it really worth it? I can bet my arm that when some time has passed, you'll look back at this and think how funny it was that you got worked up so much about someone who means so little to your life - I'm not saying that to mock you, but to help you put things into perspective. You seem like a sensitive and thoughtful person, but also an overthinker. You want to understand others, empathize with them, and be understood. Well, understand that you need to have relationships with people that are good at communicating, don't hide their feelings, and have a good heart like you do, else you'll always have headaches and unanswered questions that torture your mind. Be glad that you had a clear-minded moment and shut this down quickly before it became even more complicated. Don't dwell on what he might have thought, you can't be inside his head and can't control his perspective anyway, but take it as an opportunity to think about yourself: you were hurt, so what can you do to prevent that in the future? What kind of relationships do you want and with what type of people?
No. 392374
>>392187Fwb is never ever worth it. No dick on God’s green earth is worth it. Literally the only thing that’s worthwhile about relationships with moids is the affection, compliments/validation/them simping for you as if you are a goddess, and them spending significant amounts of money on you. If you’re having sex without getting any of that stuff back then it’s absolutely pointless and worthless to bother giving them pussy. And it only hurts dating in general because men think they can get the milk for free without paying.
I’ve already seen moids complaining and whining that they can’t find attractive young prostitutes anymore to rape and coerce into sex for money, because every young pretty girl is making bank from her bedroom. So a lot of moids are turning to easy girls with low self esteem who don’t even ask for cash in exchange for their shitty dicks. Don’t be one of those women nona. Don’t be an enabler. Learn from this bad experience with this absolute asshole and remember never ever have sex without commitment on his end again.
No. 392416
File: 1713587372295.jpeg (54.81 KB, 700x525, IMG_0766.jpeg)
My boyfriend and I had a pregnancy scare last month, which is RIDICULOUS because NO PIV occurred during the sexual interaction– just outercourse, fingering and oral sex. For context, it was both our first time and we're still in college. So while it may be ridiculous to have a pregnancy scare over Non-PIV sex, both of us being naturally neurotic and inexperienced didn't help.
Anyway, he got traumatized from the pregnancy scare that he told me he'd like to take a break from fooling around. He does continue to flirt with me and make sexual suggestions when we talk to each other online, but he tells me he's anxious around engaging in sexual intimacy.
I really respect and understand his sentiment, but at the same time, I can't swallow the fact that he couldn't get over what happened last month knowing it was pretty irrational.
I respect and understand his sentiment. But I want him to be open to sexual intimacy again. God, I feel so desperate.
No. 392427
File: 1713598372696.jpeg (914.59 KB, 3389x4096, FlJOGPBacAEODQw.jpeg)
Real retardation incoming, I really need someone to help me navigate this and I have no friends I could talk to about this. I've gone on a few dates with this girl, and these have been my first ever actual dates. We've known each other for 2 and a half months, so not a long time at all and only had sex once. She says she really likes me and wants to be with me, like she really doesn't hide it at all. But I don't know if I do, I know I don't like her right now and I feel like I'm not actually ready to be in a relationship. I realize I value my solitude way too much, I want to be alone. I talk to her every day and it kind of seeps into my alone-time. After work I don't want to talk to anybody, but I feel like I should be with her because she likes me. But I've never been into a relationship before, should I give this a chance anyways?
There's also a few other things… I'm pretty 'straightedge', as in, no alcohol, drugs, not even cigs or even soda. I know that's lame but it's a hard boundary. Meanwhile she's big into all of this and half of our conversations revolve around whatever she's gonna be taking that day. I just feel like this might be an issue in the future if we decide to get together, she might feel smothered by me, and our lifestyles are extremely different. She's also 'genderfluid' and we've have 'arguments' about it too. I haven't revealed my terfiness to her but it's obvious to her I don't feel comfortable with referring to her as anything but a girl.
I feel like the answer is obvious, this relationship is kind of doomed from the beginning but I just…. I'll feel bad if I reject her. Should I even? It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right? But she's kind of mentally… fragile right now. She showed me fresh sh scars on our first date and talking about her anheroing attempts, I'll feel like an asshole. She says nobody's on her side or cares about her or whatnot to me, how she's planned a revenge on her ex girlfriends and will be a 'bad person' once she enacts the plan and she's also clearly not over her previous relationships, she started bawling when we passed a park she used to frequent with her. Like… I feel like this is too much for me to handle for my first relationship. This is all over the place, I'm sorry. I'm not out to any of my friends so I can't exactly ask them for advice… I'm really bad at confrontation and conversations but I feel like just ghosting will be rude.
Please help a retard out.
No. 392440
>>392427You have to get away from her. This nona is right
>>392435>tell her you’re not looking for a relationship and just want to be friends, then slowly begin the ghosting process.Please follow her advice and get away from this woman. You clearly don't want to be in a relationship with her, do not stay in a relationship with her.
>It's not a big deal to just move on after you realize you're not gonna be compatible, right? You are correct, that's how it's supposed to work. This woman sounds kinda crazy so she might make it into a big deal, but it's supposed to be normal to cut things off if you're not feeling it. It would be 10000x weirder to stay in a relationship you don't like.
No. 392558
File: 1713674767453.jpeg (9.46 KB, 225x225, you-are-not-the-clown-you-are-…)
I AM SO FUCKING ANGRY. STUPID FUCKING MOIDS. I went shopping with my moid because he was asking all week:
>"what is your ring size"
> "idk lets go to the jewelry store".
We go there and the kind lady said
>"What type of ring were you looking for?"
>mmm idk ask him
> he doesnt respond.
Then i get the ring size. Later that date.
>Let's go shopping for clothes you like for me.
He gets exited and starts seaching for tomboy clothes.
I try on the clothes and we go to pay. When we go to pay he tells me to decide what clothes I want (which he chose). And when it's time to pay until that moment, he starts checking the prices, realizes that he doesn't have enough money and tells me. I tell him to leave the clothes and go (it's all clothes). He starts acting strange during the rest of the date and when we get in the car he asks me "what did I do to make you humiliate me like that?"
He begins to tell me that it is his pride as a man that was hurt. He starts to cry. Afterwards I comfort him so that he leaves the subject behind and I tell him that it wasn't that big of a deal and he calms down in the end.
WHAT THE FUCK . First of all, it was clothes that you chose and I don't know about you but when I BUY CLOTHES I SEE THE FUCKING PRICES BEFORE GOINNG TO THE CHECK OUT. Second, it's not my fault that you don't have money and you invite me to buy knowing that you don't have enough.
Another thing that bothers me is the ring thing. Please have the balls to tell the lady the purpose of the ring. I'm starting to believe it's a "shut up ring". The kind they give to girlfriends so they don't leave their boyfriends.
FUCKING CLOWN. STUPID MOID.
Anyway nonas, has anyone experienced that? how did u deal with the situation?
No. 392569
>>392559>What did he want, for you to pay for it under the table to he could brag about being generous on your dime?My personal theory is that he was soo excited down his pants that he was blinded by the prices and thought he could afford it but when he did the math it didn't work out.
>392566To clarify, he wasthe one ""buying""clothes for me.
No. 392572
>>392558He sounds like an autist who's bad with money and only wanted to take you shopping to get you to be the type of girl he wants you to be. A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).
I'm sorry anon, you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.
No. 392580
File: 1713686250909.png (69.38 KB, 254x322, outfit-meltdown.png)
>>392572
>He sounds like an autistI wouldn't be surprised if he was on the spectrum. He doesn't like talking to people (other than me), he eats the same thing every day in the same way and only talks to others if it is strictly necessary or in his interests. I am also lucky that my boyfriends have the emotional and social intelligence of a peanut. I really think that if a moid goes out with me it's because they haven't been diagnosed yet.
>A lot of chronically online guys like tomboys because they're nonthreatening and don't get as much male attention as other types of women (or so do incels think).I can see what you mean. In fact, when we were shopping he told me that my breasts were too big for the tomboy style.This is the similar outfit I wanted to buy.
>you should talk to him about how it's not a pride thing to decide not to buy shit u can't afford, he really does sound childish.As I consoled him he admitted to me that it wasn't my fault and that it was his fault for not bringing enough money.
>392575I'm going to break up with him.Since it's a red flag to blame me. I may be this small but tomorrow who knows if he's going to blame me for buying something essential.
No. 392814
>>392794The guy is terrible obviously, but I'm sorry to say the fact you regularly tolerate this is 100% on you. You've set the bar below ground, like the other nona said. How desperate for a male companion do you have to be to let this shit slide? Break up with him and have some self respect next time.
Filing this under posts I hope are just bait.
No. 392817
>>392759Sounds like a good way to get five minutes of posthumous fame as a murder
victim.
No. 392892
>>392886>He doesn't say what he needs, where he's going, for how long, or if we will even talk again>I was up all night cryingNona honestly you have to work on your anxiety and emotional dependency. BUT if you two don't ever come back to the conversation and unpleasant topics are always/mostly avoided, if you feel guilty for bringing something up and you feel like you have to be super careful with your words, if he makes you feel guilty for bringing something uncomfortable up and especially if he makes you feel crazy and use exaggerations referring to your reactions/jokes about them, it's really really bad and it's going to be worse. Even without these things it's pretty bad that he doesn't try to change and improve your communication - it just means he doesn't care and expects
you to adapt.
No. 393032
>>393006Don't try to read his mind. If you like him romantically I'd say you're safe to make a move.
His attitude on skinship gives me pause… He says he does that with female friends but have you ever seen him do that with other woman? (He could just be saying that to sound more chill than he is because he wants to hold your hand kek, I have no idea I don't know him.) He could have the attitude that sleeping together is just something "friends" do as well. I'd find out if I was you.
No. 393133
File: 1713918323363.jpeg (104.54 KB, 720x696, CC4E6250-0039-4F9C-BC44-416962…)
Anyone else think it’s interesting how much more open women are now about secretly hating their bf? I used to think I was crazy for having contempt for my bfs in the past but now I realize it’s normal and 90% of women feel that way at some point or another about their male partner. Posts like pic rel, or talking about ‘boyfriend air’ and how your appearance literally denigrates after spending time with a man, women having pre orgasm and post orgasm clarity, hating the chore of having sex etc.
Men have been shamelessly ranting about hating their wives, wanting to play vidya or watch porn rather than spend time with their gf etc for years. It’s bleak but also refreshing to see women being honest about what a drag and burden most moids are. Most women want a partner but I think they’re waking up to the reality of moids and seeing that the juice isn’t even worth the squeeze the majority of the time.
No. 393248
>>393243Not at all, provided the gay dude isn’t a huge degenerate or something and they aren’t actually fucking each other or something (unless you’re a fujo and into that, kek)
I actually think it’s a green flag if a straight man has gay friends. Shows your bf is open minded and accepting. A lot of straight moids are too insecure in their own heterosexuality to form a friendship with gay men or lesbian women. But it’s still more common than you think.
No. 393355
>>393353I don’t mean having sex necessarily, but if your scrote watches porn that’s 100% grounds for starting to talk to other men and trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.
Also, when you leave/dump him, never ever explain what the reason was. Keep him guessing and make him feel like shit about himself.
No. 393360
>>393355when i asked him if he watches porn, he said yes but that he thinks it's messed up and wanted to quit but that it was a "bad habit." he said he would quit now that he has a reason and that he would never choose porn over me. i was still mad and wanted to hurt him so i yelled at him for a few hours and he told me i made him sad and ruined his day lol.
>>393356he said he didn't watch anything violent. i questioned him and suggested he might have been watching gay porn too and that porn makes men trannies. he got super offended that i would imply he was a homo. he's not into non-con shit though at least.
No. 393362
>>393355>trying to find a new bf who doesn’t watch porn imo.Nta but easier said than done. I'm staunchly anti-porn but men who don't watch porn are rare unicorns, especially in the age range of farmers (let's say 18 to 30). Like 5 in a 100.
>>393360Of course he would say all that
No. 393381
File: 1713991025114.gif (91.01 KB, 498x498, 0fd0ef3665d7ce248c6d7713014fe4…)
I'm going on a date for the first time in 5 years and I'm way more horny than usual because I have a fat crush on the moid. I have masturbated 3 times this day while looking at an instagram pic where you can slightly see his abs. He also has a very cute smile like it's so goofy. How do i get this under control so i won't mess the date up?
No. 393572
>>393549Next time he does it roll up a newspaper and give him a good smack on the nose.
But really, you just have to emphasize that it is HURTING, and I think if he's worth his salt he will stop. If not, you know what I'm gonna say.
No. 393876
File: 1714166620669.jpeg (268.87 KB, 1024x1024, 9C9964EE-C72D-4D5D-9113-317B03…)
pretty sure this was meant as some kind of incel ragebait comic but it really do be like that sometimes
why can’t moids embody multiple attractive attributes at once
there always has to be some hideous glaring dealbreaking flaw or ten
No. 394013
I'm someone who hasn't cohabited with a guy a single time before and am way too comfortable being alone. Now it causes inner tension for me with the guy I'm seeing. Not only does he only ever hang out at mine, he feels too much at home. Basically from the first moment he never asked permission to use anything. Goes into my cupboards, randomly checks into drawers, starts looking for stuff himself instead of asking me for said thing. Instead of asking if he can take a shower, he announces he's going to take one (and then floods my fucking bathroom, as I don't have a shower curtain, because I only take baths or sitting showers). I didn't really dare to say much so far, because I'm a very anxious and asocial person, so when I'm in someone else's home, I'll basically sit down in one spot and not touch anything unless I'm asked to. But I've seen families that had no problems letting a guest do dishes for them and such.
What really triggered me a bit is a few days ago he opened my fridge and asked if he could eat X. I said sure, because if he told me he was hungry, I'd have looked in the fridge and offered it to him anyway. What I'm bothered by is him deciding to raid my fridge because he's hungry.
Obviously we do not live together, have been dating for less than 6 months. Honestly at this point I'm not sure I ever want a man to move in, because I still feel like he's just a rude guest.
No. 394015
>>393879I think that's justified, to the average person that would probably lean controlling.
Still, I'd question the value of forbidding him to watch such a show. You didn't change his character or his values, the source of your discomfort remains.
No. 394018
>>394017I don't think this is a question you should be asking here honestly. It sounds like there's a lot of historical and cultural nuance that most of us here aren't familiar with.
I don't personally think it would be a disgrace to your ancestors but I'm not from a culture where people value ancestors like that in the first place. If I'd marry a German even though my grandfather was killed by the Germans, it wouldn't even occur to me or my parents to think of that as disgraceful.
No. 394021
File: 1714218801555.jpg (46.02 KB, 735x728, 9d851f3601d2967c9ab0eb92a549b4…)
My girlfriend gets way too much male attention: it makes me soooOo angry. I've been telling myself that I only feel like this because I love her and I'm protective of her. But I'm starting to doubt myself, what if I'm just jealous of her ew T_T How to tell the difference(T_T)
No. 394132
i've been dating casually for a little while now and i've been seeing this guy who i have grown rather fond of but i can't tell whether we are compatible or not. we seem to align very closely politically and ethically, (one time when he tried to say "sex work is real work" i explained in pretty loudly feminist terms why that's bullshit and he just… agreed, like he had no argument, he basically just said "oh. yeah, that's a fair point, i'd never thought of it like that but you're right" which has literally never happened with a man before) he's lived a very interesting life and done a lot of interesting things, eats my pussy like his life depends on it, and has overall been very pleasant and normal with no red flags. plus he has a career which i find relatively admirable and he def won't be broke in his line of work
but he's kind of boring to talk to, and i can't tell if he's just introverted and will become more engaging over time or if this is as compelling as the conversation is going to get. also, i have concerns about his feelings re: children which if any of you have any thoughts on i'd love to hear. i asked how he felt, he said he was "60/40 in favor of having them" with the reasoning being that while he thinks he might want kids when he's older (he's 28, i'm 29) he also knows that the sort of women he is attracted to (ambitious + alternative) are less likely to want children. i don't want any, which i of course told him, and in fact am having my tubes removed this week. i worry that while he says he's open to not having kids he's not really actually open to that, like my worst fear has always been that i date some fencesitter dude who says he's fine with not having kids if it's not something i want but then we hit 40 and he decides he HAS to have a broodmare and i get left middle-aged and alone while he goes and starts a family with some retarded 24 year old.
No. 394235
>>394132If at any point you're doubting a man because of his red flags just end it there. The biggest thing you should dislike about him is that he hates your favorite food or something. There are other men who aren't broken or dysfunctional. He's not special.
>>394181Probably because he's good at eating her pussy.
No. 394251
Ok long story:
Both parents dead, just me and my sister.
We get left the house, my sister (married, child, has a house already) calls me over and gives me this whole speech about how she wants to raise her kid there, its their dream house, the area is great the garden is great blah blah. Tells me that she won't sell the house so that I have "somewhere to go back to" if I need it, and I can come visit whenever I like.
We agree on a price (she "gets 3 surveys" and I trust her on that.
She sells her house, buys me out, I buy my own house, everything is fine… I message her over 2 weeks ago and get no reply. I spend like a week+ micro analysing my communication and trying to work out what I did to cause her to blank me… I find out off FACEBOOK that she's selling the house the listing is up they are moving. She's tacked 60k+!!! Onto the price she sold me the house for half of, they have done some renovations but not loads, knocked a wall through and put the kitchen in the living room because everyone likes listening to cooking whilst they are watching TV, idk. Either way, NOT 60K+ amount of renovation. Also the house is full of my family belongings that are technically 50% mine so if she's selling the house they'll probably be going too.
Anyway, she's not even communicated this with me AT ALL. And I only agreed to let her have it because she made such a big deal about how much the house meant to her… We signed paperwork etc for the price I was given so I can't really do anything about it now… But am I justified in just completely cutting contact? It hurts to know that I'm losing my family home too and I've not even been told, there's all the money based fuckery, but I'm also annoyed that her and her husband laid the whole tugging on my heartstrings down when it was all bullshit.
No. 394310
>>394146yeah, i am not eager to jump directly into a relationship, when he asked what i was looking for i told him that i am open to a relationship but that i would like to keep things casual until we get to know each other better, which i feel like we’re still doing at this point. i guess i should have clarified that i’m not waiting around for this guy to commit, from what he told me this is the first time he’s ever had sex with someone he’s not in a formal/exclusive relationship with so i don’t particularly think that he’s playing me considering i had to explain what i meant by casual. i’m not asking for advice on how to get him to commit, i just can’t tell whether i WANT him to commit to me if that makes sense.
>>394181i don’t think i can “barely endure” him, he’s quite pleasant to be around and i enjoy spending time with him, i think i am just used to meeting people and immediately being drawn to them and then getting into a relationship too quick before i really know them. this is the first time i’ve dated “normally” in the sense that i don’t think it will be the end of the world if he doesn’t want to date me (young me catastrophized a lot) but because i don’t feel the same sort of overwhelming pull/spark i can’t tell if we’re incompatible or if this is just part of the process of getting to know someone. i am also an autist which doesn’t help bc i often struggle to discern whether i actually like someone or if we just get along well and would be better off as friends.
>>394235i am very used to dating guys with massive red flags that i end up justifying for retarded reasons so i guess i’m just not sure what to do with someone who seems very normal and nice, like i’m waiting for the other shoe to drop i suppose.
>>394211you sound so mad about something you decided to misinterpret lol
mothers as a concept aren’t inherently broodmares, but when men decide to leave their partner specifically so they can have a baby… yeah dude i feel rather firmly that they are pretty much exclusively using that woman to breed. it’s not the same thing as settling doesn’t with someone who also wants children and planning your life like that. a middle aged man leaving his otherwise happy marriage for the express purpose of getting a woman pregnant is absolutely looking for a broodmare and not a partner. sorry if some guy left his wife to knock you up and you feel attacked, i guess kek
No. 394621
>>394607>>394611As someone who was catfished by my balding ex, trust me when I say if he tries to hold on to his hair it makes him look 100x worse.
Exs gf has made him grow it out and it looks fucking awful, stringy and thin and patchy, it looks like someones glued a few strands of hair on top of an egg.
No. 394635
>>394631Better he got it out of his system and saw the light. To put it into perspective an ex-gendie woman is never going back to that, meanwhile I've seen 40-50 year old women taking T for the first time.
>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.KEKKKKKKK
No. 394656
>>394631Full blown AGP seems different to femboy fetish to me, many women have been with AGPs who lied or attempted to suppress their paraphilia but failed. There's the chance he wants to troon out later (especially after women are "trapped" through marriage or having children, disgustingly enough) but it doesn't seem like it's guaranteed.
>Please refrain from replying with straight up ropefuel or I'm gonna blame this website for my death in my suicide note and kill myself in a way that gets me on the news so you'd get mainstream exposure and an influx of retarded tiktok zoomers as a result, thank you very much.If you kill yourself and bring more tiktok zoomies I will kill myself and beat the shit out of you in hell.
No. 394702
>>394699He does go with. I guess it bothers me because the only free time I really get is when I sit down to pump in the mornings. I work and earn a paycheck while watching the baby, I cook everyone three meals a day, I do all the diapers, all the feeds, all the cleaning/dishes/laundry. Still, he complains things aren’t tidy enough, aren’t cleaned fast enough. An extra four hours on the weekend twice a month would really help with that.
I appreciate your perspective; maybe I am off base here. I don’t want to die on this hill if it’s not even a reasonable ask.
No. 394718
>>394714Tell him what you want outside of an argument then. Do not engage in arguments with him at all. Say what you want and keep it short and to the point. "I want you to make meals on the weekends." "I want you to do the laundry on Saturdays." "You are in charge of playing with baby and diaper changing when you come home from work." "I am going to [location] on [day], you are going to watch the baby while I'm gone." Find an excuse to leave the house in the evenings and leave the baby with him (take up powerwalking and make it take at least an hour every day, that sort of thing.)
I don't know if he will step up and pull his weight; you can't control him but you are in control of your own actions and you can step back.
Sorry if you love him but he is clearly kind of an asshole and he thinks you
should be doing all this work, he's not going to magically lessen the burden on you. You have to find a way to do it yourself.
No. 394737
>>394727She said she's gonna stay with him. Right now she is pampering him even though he's only rewarding her with animosity. She needs to stop. All she can do is control her own actions.
The real answer is that he literally doesn't deserve her companionship. He's a fucking nag and he doesn't even make enough money to support them without her working. The gall of men. He needs to be shamed by his family for treating her this way. Imagine doing everything she is doing for a man who doesn't appreciate her and repays her by verbally tearing her down. Then she decides it's good for her family to keep things that way. Well, SHE is part of her family and it's not good for her. It doesn't even make sense. Logic goes right out the window in relationships.
No. 394760
>>394714I didn't think of this before but you should start a private savings account immediately. Put money into it every paycheck. It's an "oh shit" fund. Each person in a couple should have one because things happen that tie up the finances of the other person and you're shit out of luck if you don't have your own account to draw from. If you're both living paycheck to paycheck that's even more reason for you each to have your own savings account.
If you don't take any advice here at least do that.
No. 394831
I just started my period and I’m very emotional as a result like I am every period, so I need a nona to put me in check and tell me if I’m being crazy.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years, I want a proposal and I have for about a year now. My boyfriend knows this, and has told me he didn’t think we were quite ready for that yet and needed to work out some minor issues in our relationship first. It was around my birthday that we had this emotional conversation where I made it clear I wouldn’t wait forever. So I set a deadline in my head that I never told him, 1 year aka my next birthday. He has no idea about this deadline I set because I don’t want that to be the only reason he proposed.
He has a trip planned for us that is the week of my birthday, I fully thought this was going to be the proposal trip. It’s one of my dream trips and there’s a lot of potential options for really romantic proposal locations. If there is any time for him to propose it would be on this trip. However, we recently had a conversation that clued me in on the fact that I’m almost 90% certain he doesn’t even have the ring yet which would mean he doesn’t actually plan to propose on this trip.
Should I talk to him about this? Because if he doesn’t plan on proposing I’m going to be waiting the whole trip for a moment that never comes, be disappointed, and since my deadline will have passed I’ll have no choice but to leave him. Because I set this deadline for myself wanting to stick by it and if I don’t I’ll be that doormat forever girlfriend that sticks by his side until he finds the woman he actually will commit to.
But if I’m wrong and he does actually have plans to propose despite what he made me think, then I’ll have ruined his surprise by grilling him about it. I’m so conflicted here, it’s like after this trip I’m either engaged or out of my relationship forever.
No. 394840
>>394835I do absolutely think we have made a lot of progress with our issues, the main one cited being better communication which we overall are doing leagues better with.
Thank you for your perspective, I hadn’t considered maybe he was intentionally being misleading. And thank you for your congratulations either way, I just need to make peace with the fact that whatever happens it will ultimately be for the best and try to not ruin the trip for the sake of my own self regardless.
No. 394904
>>394854I think I will, thank you!
>>394861I'm inexperienced in romance, no one besides my mom had ever called me pretty before him… It was so overwhelming to be fawned over by someone, I thought I had the universe by the balls. I wanted to the see the world and try dating other people! I knew I probably shoulda kept seeing him, but it was weird even thinking of him as a side piece, so I didn't. I also didn't know most men's cocks don't work like his and are useless in bed lmao, even though I've been reading about nonnas experiences for years lol. My first app date I ended up spending the night with a SEA butt-ugly probably porn addict brown IT guy that I had to suck for hours to barely even get to a semi. I didn't know why my HS friends always talked about faking orgasms with their bfs until that night. I went out with five other guys expecting to have the time of my life like I did with handsome moid and they all disappointed me like that. I'm just that naive. It's so ridiculous I feel a little less humiliated just by venting now. But I'll reach out to my big dick lovey-dovey guy again and hopefully we'll make amends.
(racebaiting) No. 394980
>>394974I met an Adderall moid once and that was enough for me to decide not to ever date them. I get some people need it but for others it really fries your brain. And porn/weed addiction on top of that? I'm sorry
nonnie.
No. 394991
>>394989Glad you pointed it out,
nonnie. I read over that post and thought it sounded like some moid off of /r9k/ role-playing, if not some e-girl off of 4chan who uses moid lingo.
No. 395301
File: 1714767703374.png (2.99 MB, 1920x1080, 1671839105584.png)
This is more of a vent but I am the shitty toxic person in the relationship right now and it feels awful.
After a series of intense meltdowns as a result of an extremely shitty but well paying insurance gig, I quit with no immediate backup plan for a job. I told my husband what had happened and he was immediately upset with me because I had no backup plan and I didn't consult him first and we literally just moved out into our own apartment. I don't blame him one bit for being pissed. Since I quit on Tuesday I've been doing everything in my power to cheer him up. Cooking, cleaning, staying in a good mood because it's not fair for me to be upset right now, I even have a job interview next Tuesday for a position with comparable pay.
I know I deserve everything that he's dishing out to me right now because I royally fucked up. It doesn't make it hurt any less though. The only reason I stayed at this job for as long as I did was because I didn't want to hurt or upset him. All I can hope for is that I get the job and he doesn't divorce me. If he did though, I wouldn't blame him as I am a massive piece of shit.
I fucking hate myself right now nonas. Everything that he says about me is right. I give up everything I try when it becomes too difficult. Even if it benefits the both of us. I want to die.
No. 395373
>>395370Not OP but I feel like
>He was using the word ‘c*nnies’ to describe a 12 and 16 year old girl in a news article. He used it in another post too.is the biggest alarm bell of them all
No. 395381
File: 1714796724717.jpg (53.51 KB, 735x893, 1689797483137.jpg)
Not really my relationship but I'm confronted with the age-old question - should I tell the GF?
Talked to a guy I knew through some mutual friends and work about a week ago.
He's super forward, shit like a hug lasting too long, asking me to hang out, heart emojis, pie-in-the-sky job offers, all that bs, whatever. Bullshit able to be seen from the ISS but I occasionally work with this twat. Took him up on getting lunch for an hour out of morbid curiosity and holy shit he's got more red flags than Beijing. Standard menu of mental illnesses, told him I'm not here for a relationship, but he closed the conversation by flat-out telling me he lives with his GF, who he got into a "huge" fight with THE DAY PRIOR because he was going out with me. He didn't even tell me a GF existed, and acted like every hobby he has is stuff he does alone. No mention of her for stuff like movies, TV shows, games, nothing. He said a bunch of nasty shit that she's "possessive" and he's not, he wants to experience other people, but he wants HER to tell HIM when she wants to hook up with someone else. Typical controlling bullshit, no defining relationships, he seemed like he was lying anyway. I brushed it off until dumbass told me her first and last name, so I got nosey and looked her up. Her Pinterest has fucking wedding inspo and "dream engagement ring" pins from as recently as 4 weeks ago. Yeah, no fucking kidding she'd be mad that her moid is likely cheating. I have nothing damning like him asking for sex or something, since I'm not interested in this shitter, but now I'm concerned for her.
I feel so fucking bad that this is the dipshit she has to deal with - should I just find a way to message her and ask if she's ok?
No. 395400
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>>395394>>395381Samefagging (also thank you guys) just to say some cursory nosing around yielded this 5'0" fat gremlin - using photoshopped social media photos - is fumbling a beautiful rich girl he's likely leeching money off of, and I now know she's close to one of my friends. I can't imagine what manipulative shit he has going on that's keeping him in remotely good graces, since in the years working around the guy, he's never even mentioned her. Though I guess I never went out of my way to ask him anything either. We kinda figured he's just some quiet incel with a drug problem, since he's "nice" but annoying.
If you ever need reassurance that moids can't be trusted, and money doesn't buy self-respect, you can be someone's dream person and moids will still try to sleep around while being manipulative freaks.
I think I'll wait for the work event and be happy I was able to call bullshit early enough by being overly direct and borderline insulting. I'll see if I can tell her in-person. Usually I'm on her end of the stick. Holy shit.
No. 395408
>>395400thanks for the update nona. i agree with
>>395384 i think it is a dice roll but i also think you should tell her the facts. she deserves to know. she knows you exist since they had an argument over it. he sounds like a scumbag and i think she should know that he was talking shit about her over lunch and that you didn't even know she existed until that point.
i hope it goes okay, and i think in-person is a good idea. i would feel so sorry for her if she ended up marrying such a pathetic leech scrote, but hopefully, fingers crossed, you can inform her and prevent something like that happening. but you never know how she'll respond, in any case i think she should know anyways. he shows zero respect for that relationship
No. 395485
BF of 9 months and I are finishing up grad school at the same time. I have a (one and only) good job offer that will move me to the other side of the country. I don't have the money to stay where I am and spend the next several months just searching for another job.
I feel, if I was single, I would easily take the job. BF and I started dating acknowledging that we may not end up in the same place after graduation, and that neither of us wants an LDR, but that didn't stop feelings from growing. I admit it was probably stupid to let this keep going, knowing it was going to be painful in the end.
Over the past few months he's fallen into a bit of a depression (unrelated to me), and hasn't been interacting with his closest friends, only me. It has made me terrified that if I leave, he'll have no one, and sink even lower. I know that's a bad reason to stay but I truly care about him and don't want to hurt him. I hope to have a conversation with him where I encourage him to reach out and reconnect with his friends, build his life back up.
Idk where I'm going with this. Would love if other nonas could share stories where they had to break up with good, wonderful people because of life circumstances. I'm so scared of sadness.
No. 395519
>>3954859 months is nothing. Do you see yourself marrying him, is he the guy? If not, it’ll end eventually, and it will be just as sad and you will have missed out on good opportunities for nothing. Why can’t he come with you anyway? You’re about to finish grad school girl!
He’ll be alright, if anything the independence should motivate him to get out of the dump and reconnect with his friends, he’s not a stray dog anon.
No. 395532
>>395519You're really sweet anon, and as much as I hate to admit it, saying the same things others have told me haha.
He can't come with me because his work is here and we don't exactly have "drop everything and move to another state without a job secured" money. I just really hate to see him so sad. I think, because we became really vulnerable with each other within a short time, our emotions are very intense at the moment. Which is probably why I'm taking so much responsibility for how he feels. Can't say he's the guy, just heartbroken that we didn't have enough time and space to find out.
No. 395594
>>395584This
>>395585I was in the same boat; I waited til college, then dated some flakey dumbass who didn't give a shit about anything other than the outward appearance of having a girlfriend. Of course, he popped up years later to be annoying, and it made me feel bad for ever letting myself lose my virginity to that. Though now it's not a big deal since I value the experience gained after a while.
I like the idea of just moving the feeling of specialness to the first time you're intimate with a new partner. Usually that's a lot more fun and less "one and done" since, hopefully, someone more fitting will be around longer than the earlier relationships.
No. 395629
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Today is my bf's birthday and he invited me over to his house. Now, he is a poor guy and lives in a bad neighborhood in a pretty shabby apartment block. I get it. His finances are not an issue for me. But…
His mom prepared a dinner for us, and I witnessed one of the grossest things in my life.
His apartment block has a pest problem. Again, I can understand that, nobody is safe from a roach problem. And again, but…
His mom served us food and I saw a fucking cocroach crawling in it. I was like what eww. I decided to not say anything, thinking they would notice. They noticed but did nothing. I finally pointed out that there is a fucking cockroach in our casserole. My boyfriend just took it crushed it with his bare hands, then continued to eat without cleaning his hands. His mom then pushed the dish where the roach was to me and asked me why I'm not eating. I said I wasn't that hungry.
Now, it didn't happened once. There were like three roaches crawling in the food and every time it was the same.
I was like what the fuck ewww.
Honestly, I'm ready to break up after that shit.
There is being poor, and there is… this.
No. 395659
>>395658why is he still talking to her? this is his problem not yours. I guess it's nice you're open with eachother enough to read his messages but he should have already told her like yesterday that he was in a relationship and he's not doing this with her. then when she keeps messaging him romantic stuff he's supposed to say goodbye and block her because she's not respecting his relationship.
unless you're both reading the messages as some kind of sick game to torment this woman? I'm guessing she doesn't know you read them and he's kept that secret from her / hasn't told her how close you two are.
No. 395663
>>395629>My boyfriend just took it crushed it with his bare hands, then continued to eat without cleaning his hands.I have met so many men in my life who would pet cats or dogs or toys wet from dog spit and then touch their food again right after. That's not being poor that's just men being their typical stinky and gross selves.
Anyway you deserve better.
No. 395705
>>395658Did your bf even tell her that you exist? I'm sorry but when love confessionals get that far, usually it's because he's keeping up some illusion somewhere that he's single, or at least "open." Yeah, sure, she could very well be out of her mind and also looking for a fling, but he needs to set some serious boundaries if he has any respect for you at all. These kinds of things are almost always icebergs.
Don't let him lie and say "well she never asked directly if I was single so…" Complete bullshit. There seems to be this running theme of men poorly hiding their relationships from potential branch-swings lately, even if those aren't viable relationships.
No. 395711
>>395629Wow sorry nona but I’ve been feeling really lonely lately and it’s stories like these that make me feel better about being single.
>>395584I get this, however, I lost my virginity to someone the ideal way, very sweet and romantic, and then eventually he started pushing my sexual boundaries in the relationship and raped me. I think having a good introduction to sex is helpful but you can also be traumatized by that same person who gave you a romantic and sweet first time. All that to say that it isn’t just the first time that’s important although a traumatizing first time will warp your view of sex significantly. I hope you find someone who will be sweet and gentle with you.
No. 395713
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I'm so sorry that this is very long but I desperately need advice and had to write it all out. I'm seeing a therapist as well but am probably going to look for another one.
I want to break up with my boyfriend of 7 years. When we first started dating things were great and things were 'normal' per say. However over the years it's been a slow burn to me realizing that we don't really fit that well and I'm just a completely different person than when I first started dating him.
Firstly I'm a huge homebody. I rarely go out, I really just enjoy staying home and gaming/working/working out. I've never been much of a party or social person in general and it's honestly gotten more apparent over the years how much I really dislike that stuff. He's the opposite– While he's kind of a homebody sometimes he really enjoys going to parties/concerts/shows etc or hosting them. This has been kind of a big contention for us over the years as he regularly hosts or goes to these things and I absolutely HATE going with him. I have 0 issues with him going alone or with friends or anything but I personally can't stand it. I've tried a few times and every single time I end up hating it and feeling awful and drained for days. We've gotten into a lot of arguments over this because he feels like he puts effort into making these plans and that I should be supportive by going even if I hate it, which I get, but I just don't have the mental energy for it anymore. During the lockdown, this wasn't an issue because we couldn't go out, so for a few years I didn't even realize how different we were on this aspect until after the lockdown stopped.
One of the biggest issues is that we don't see each other often enough for him. Which is true, we only really see each other once a week, which I know isn't enough but it's just too draining for me mentally and emotionally to see him more than that. I haven't hung out with any of my friends in almost an entire year because all my mental energy is drained after hanging with him so I have no social energy for my friends. Every time I hang with him, the next day I'm the most depressed/anxious ever, and it's a slow climb to feeling 'normal' again day by day (which ends up getting drained that following weekend). This wasn't always the case but the last few years it's gotten REALLY bad to the point I'm about to have a mental break down from the constant cycle.
Every time we hang out, we end up drinking (heavily). We just drink, and talk, and eventually have sex. The literal 2 times in all these years that I didn't drink, the day ended badly because I was 'too down' and 'being a bitch'. But I don't even like drinking anymore, I only really do it with him because it gives me energy and I'm more social/sexual for him, because when I don't, he gets frustrated with me about various things that are unrelated to me not drinking. Usually related to the fact I don't see him enough because he's been 'very patient with me' about how often we hang out.
And lastly, he's been lowkey saying things that have been upsetting me greatly but I rarely get the time/space to talk about what he does/says that upsets me.
Some examples:
- he regularly says lowkey sexist things like how most women are dumb but I'm 'not like other girls' because I'm smart. I don't think he realizes that this isn't a compliment.
- he talks down to me a lot, and HAS to be right about whatever he's talking about. Even if I try to debate it with him, he refuses to ever be wrong. He thinks most people are dumb/unaware/don't know things, and that he's the only one that's not crazy. He acknowledges that I might have a skillset or two that he doesn't have, but that if he spent time/cared enough to learn, he could probably get there too.
- he's very controlling. This wasn't an issue so much when we started as I don't mind it a bit, but it's gotten really bad now. He keeps trying to push me into things he thinks I need/want even when I say no or are hesitant, from like working out more to coming over more to whatever else. It's always his way or the highway.
Because we don't see each other enough, we try just focus on being happy/enjoying ourselves instead of 'talking about negative stuff', but also when I do try to talk about something he did or said that upset me, he gets mad at me and either says 'do you really have to bring this up?' or 'did that REALLY upset you?' or 'well may be if we saw each other more I wouldn't be doing x', or just deflects and talks about the things I did/said wrong as a reply instead of going through my point first. I keep everything to myself now because it feels like I don't have a right to talk about them since I 'don't make more time to spend' with him.
I feel so so so so bad about all of this because I don't want to hurt him and I know leaving him will probably devastate him because he's told me many times that he's very much in love with me more than any of his exes, but I can't continue this relationship. I've told him before that I'm severely depressed now and don't have the energy to see him, and have already tried to kill myself twice. He thinks it's because I don't leave the house and 'don't do anything', but the truth is I just don't want to be in a relationship of any kind with anyone right now. I'm already very aromantic, but my libido is completely and utterly gone (unless I'm drinking) and I don't even enjoy drinking or sex at all anymore. It's been 7 years though, and I know he'll get angry due to the sunk loss fallacy and all. I really just want to so badly be alone to myself so I can focus on myself, my family and rebuilding my mental state, but I'm scared to say it, and don't know how to say it, because I think he'll be explosively angry at me for 'wasting all these years' for him (since he says he's been extremely patient with me), and possibly do or say something to hurt me, I don't know. I'm like shaking typing this because I really think he might say or do something to hurt me.
No. 395725
>>395721Are your social circles very integrated or something? What information are you scared about him spreading? Because I doubt that he could tell your coworkers something that would jeopardize your job and if he does then just say he’s crazy and lying. And if you’re referring to his friends then just know that any friends who started out on his side are going to stay on his side. I have an ex who I know for a fact tells everyone I was crazy (he did the same to his exes) and hates me because I caught him cheating and instead of letting it slide, I went and told the woman who he cheated with, ruining his monkeybranching attempt. In this case I know he despises me but because I have separated myself fully (geographically, socially, etc.) I don’t hear about it because my life is completely separate from his ever since we broke up. My ex is highly manipulative and plays the
victim in everything he does. I know his nature and that he’s buttered up the stories with his new gf and some of his friends and yet I’ve never had anyone reach out to me with the because 1) they prob take his word for it and 2) they don’t care enough to reach out to shame me despite the theatrics and pathological lying that paint me in a bad light. Just don’t expect to keep any of the same friends and you should be okay. You will be better off in the long run. And also if it helps my ex called me transphobic (bc I’m a radfem) and likely told other people and his current gf for sympathy points. But I haven’t heard about it and it so far has not come back to hurt me kek. If I went to our college reunion it might though.
No. 395727
>>395725Samefag but I also was scared about my ex circulating revenge porn when I caught him cheating. The most you can do is keep your life separate from theirs so that your social circle is not impacted AND also be wary of what you give moids. Not trying to
victim shame but as someone who once did it, I’m of the opinion woman should take naked pictures of herself ever. Unfortunately once you do it you’re basically at their mercy of whether or not they want to leak them. Anything else like unsavory political opinions or weird stories can just be chalked up to lying. If your coworkers confront you about something he says then act surprised and say that he’s projecting his own story onto you because moids do that all the time and it’s a great excuse.
HOWEVER there is a massive chance that he will not actually do anything to defame you. If you want to minimize the chances of this happening then you can try and manipulate him into thinking he’s breaking up with you kek.
No. 395733
>>395732see that terrifies me, because his stories of his exes are very fucked and extreme. Hindsight I should of realized the redflag nature of them but I honestly didn't realize until the last 2 years. He doesn't like, go out of his way to shit talk that much outside of one specific ex, but I also don't go out of my way to ask about any of them except for that one ex because I indirectly know her (and granted, that one ex IS actually insane, has BPD and did actually cheat on him with his best friend, she admitted it to me herself but she told me it was because he was
abusive/manipulative. I sided with him because I hate cheaters regardless of the excuse and had been cheated on before myself). Even though she did that he like, didn't go out of his way to shit on her to people outside of telling me the full details of the drama between them. So I guess that's a greenflag because she did something horrible and he didn't go out of his way? But he's also apparently more attached to me than he was with her, so I don't know, he might feel more betrayed that I'm leaving him than what she did.
No. 395821
Would finding a guy who lives 60 miles away from you be considered long distance? He's been living out far for half a year to help his brother and nephew, he briefly mentioned it's about time he'd find a place of his own about 30 miles away, maybe closer, so he can be in the same town as his work.
Anyways, the distance sucks. We've been meeting midway on his days off to make up for it all. Since we've met in person, texting turns me off. I feel like I want to preserve everything for in person because I cherish it more.
We're not committed yet, we've only known each other for two weeks, so this is very new to us. Both of us want a long term relationship and he's expressed how it's important to do work to keep a relationship going, so I feel secure in going forward with him. We also have bonded over working in similar fields, so it feels very comfortable being with him. We've had sex and he takes care of me well.
I had a previous ex who lived 100 miles away and we arranged to have him move in with me before we even committed, big mistake on my part, but the point is I do not like distance.
The guy I'm seeing now works 12 hour overnights and he sleeps when I'm at work. He has more than 2 days off in a row so we're able to see each other for at least 2 days.
I just want to know how to manage a relationship like this? Should I be more open to texting and expressing more of myself that way? It just feels so unlike me. I mean, I used to be that way, but that was me in the past. I could do phone calls, but again, some days he's busy at work. Like, I'm just considering the fact he usually only gets 2 hours for himself on his work days. Although yes he still texts me, I don't want to bother him too much. Like, the excitement of getting to know each other died down once we met in person because we asked each other so many questions. And now I have a "boring" daily life where I work out, grocery shop, and go to the library sometimes.
No. 395886
>>395713No real advice other than that you should carefully plan a complete and total separation from him and when you execute it do it swiftly and do not leave any sort of opening back into your life or form of communication available to him (you don't need to hear what he has to say about it; the way you have been bending yourself over backwards to become the thing he wants at the cost of your own quality of life is actually tragic, you can't trust yourself to listen to him and not cave) NO CONTACT. You are fortunate you didn't ever move in with him this could be way harder if you had.
I am so sorry you found yourself in this situation. I feel like a happy future where you can breathe is closer than you think. Get away from him.
No. 395903
>>395890No visits to his place yet, but he does live with his brother. I found his address and his brother also lives there and so does the name of his ex. I found his brother's Facebook and bro does have a child and confirmed the child's mother is her.
Also confirmation of his work hours, he works for the city so the hours he works are posted.
No. 395990
>>395965The way he responded when you brought up your self-harm makes me want to kill him. Move on. You're just infatuated with his looks and flirtiness, deep down you know he's a piece of shit.
>>395980>anons wtf am i doing wrong?It sounds like you're a giver, and that's the worst possible dynamic you can be if you choose the wrong moid. In the early stages of a relationship, you should put aside your feelings for him (because you can be blinded by infatuation) and ask yourself "what is he doing for me? how is he showing up for me? am i proud of him and how he treats me?" Generally, if a guy really likes you and cares about you, he'll go above and beyond for you and show you that throughout the relationship. Your boyfriend fucking sucks by the way. He should be doing everything he can to make you happy.
No. 395997
>>395965If you're really bothered by the vaping just know he's probably not going to stop. It's really hard to quit vaping, some say it's even harder than quitting cigarettes because the nicotine concentration is much higher in these new vapes.
I don't see the red flag in what he said but maybe I'm just emotionally retarded kek.
No. 396508
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>>396385I'm in a similar boat. The difference is that mine has been ill for the past six months or so but even in the "breaks" from his illness he still wasn't interested at all in fucking. He caved in and sometimes initiated but felt like pity sex, felt as if he was throwing me a crumble of dick out of his generosity and magnanimity. Kek this is horrible nona idk what to do too. I started having intrusive thoughts about fucking other moids (sometimes random, sometimes friends we interact with) and since it is really unusual for me I thought I had a brain tumor I swear kek. Turns out no! I have no brain tumor, I'm just sex starved while sleeping all nights near someone I'm attracted to. Nightmare
No. 396522
>>396389>>396390We had a talk about porn not that long ago, I told him that I'm not okay with him watching it so it shouldn't be a problem unless he is lying to me (which I doubt)
>>396481He has had a lot of work stress for a while now ever since he got a new boss, I have some friends who work with my bf and they have also said that the new boss is a nightmare to work for so I'm guessing that could be it, but anytime I try to tell him to look for a new job he turns that down immediately for some reason.
>>396508I feel you I have some male friends who are clearly attracted to me and have even tried to act on it when drunk, it feels like shit when random childhood friends want me more than my own boyfriend…
No. 396527
>>396519I don't think this applies to you, but my exmoid decided to beg/pressure/coerce me into sexual acts, so that just killed the relationship. So ideally you're not trying to force him or insisting that he does it. If my moid had told me that he understood and never tried to pressure me, I would have been a lot more comfortable, empathetic, and willing to do stuff when I was feeling ok. Instead I just panicked whenever I wasn't feeling too sick, because I felt guilty over not doing it, and that made me want to avoid it even more. It became a chore, something I had to do to please him, and not because I was in the mood for it.
Idk what kind of illness your bf has, but in some cases you have no choice but to stop sex. But if you're understanding and kind, the other person will be more willing to be intimate with you and do other kind of sexual stuff. You have to understand this isn't about you. He's not rejecting you, he's sick. I'm sure every single day he wishes he wasn't sick and could have a normal relationship with you.
No. 396528
>>396522>I have some male friends who are clearly attracted to me and have even tried to act on it when drunk, it feels like shit when random childhood friends want me more than my own boyfriend…It really does!Especilly becuase I know moid are gonna moid and blablabla but still, feeling the sexual tension even unrequired in his situation is… different.
>>396527I try not to pressure him but and being understanding but I can't help but cry (hidden) when I'm tryin to lighlty approach him and he does get angry as a response. I swear when I initiate we are at a point that after 10 seconds of kissing he stops me. I can't hide my crippling sadness and I can't stop the images that pop in my brain. Thank you a lot for your input. I'll stay strong and kind.
No. 396534
>>396528I would get angry with my bf because he was insisting, but he himself didn't realize he was insisting. So he thought insisting 2 or 3 times was ok. I would initially try to say no nicely, change the subject, try to do another activity, ignore his advances, just nicely say I'm not feeling ok, and then he would insist again 2-3 times, and that's when I would snap and get angry. Then he would get sad and say I was being mean when I said no.
Maybe you're unknowinly missing his signals. You should talk to him about how you can make it clear for both of you that he doesn't want to do it. And when he gives you this signal, show him you understand and stop immediately. If he's initially agreeing and then stopping you, it sounds like he's trying to force himself and then stops because he can't do it. I also did the same, would let my bf kiss me because I felt guilty but then had to stop him because I couldn't force myself to do it. But it was never because I didn't like him, it was because I was in pain or mentally exhausted because of the chronic pain. Feeling sad is understandable, but there really is no choice but to understand that he isn't doing this because he doesn't like you. Every day I would try to cure my illness, find the cause, and get better so I could have a normal relationship with my moid. Everything I did was for him. If he haddn't been around, I would have tried to get assisted suicide to stop the pain. I couldn't die and hurt him like that, so I kept trying to fix myself because I loved him. Hopefully your bf feels the same way.
No. 396904
Nonas, I've been dating this guy who I met off Bumble for about a month and a half now and we've gone out three times. It's been going really well and he is still initiating dates. I'm still a virgin and he's literally the only person I've ever dated, and he knows I'm new to this… He's a lot older and has a pretty impressive job, but thankfully he never brings up the difference in experience and doesn't ever talk down to me. The main issue so far has been communication - his work schedule is very volatile, so it can take sometimes up to a day for him to respond to me. I've tried not to let that bother me though. He had some time to message me this evening while at work, and he asked me on another date, which I agreed to. I still have my Bumble account up mostly to see if he's updated his profile (cringe I know), and apparently he added a new photo around the same time he initiated the next date with me… I know I shouldn't expect a moid to be exclusive this early on but I don't know. I can't help but feel deflated and confused now. Is this a red flag for you nonas or should I try not to let it bother me? I've been told to go on dates with other people but that's just too messy for me. I feel bad because he's been really respectful of my boundaries and hasn't made any attempts to make it sexual yet. That along with some other endearing and nerdy traits actually comes across as slightly autistic and passive to me. But now I'm paranoid that maybe he's out sleeping with other girls because there's been no PDA/sex yet and he's just biding his time with me. I mean, I get it that he has needs or whatever but it's just weird thinking that he might be extremely gentlemanly with me but trying to get laid elsewhere. All speculative, I know. Sorry for the long post, nonas.
No. 396906
>>396904Look at the post above yours.
Anyway, you're just another girl in his rotation. It makes sense for women to do this because most men are not worth the exclusivity until they've proven themselves, but men who do this are whores. Sorry. Just because you're a virgin doesn't mean you need to settle for any guy who gives you attention. Be extra picky and selective because the wrong moid will add a lot of drama to your life. It really helps to ask yourself how he makes you feel. If he was right for you you wouldn't be feeling this unsure right now. You've just started dating him, he shouldn't be making you feel this shitty already.
No. 396909
>>396906Thanks nona. I'm used to being quite avoidant so I hate that I'm acting insecure and overly attached already. On one hand I think it says more about me than it does him, because I probably overthink everything. But you're right, if he was more upfront I wouldn't have to worry in the first place.
>>396908Yeah… Super convenient that I have almost never been attracted to anyone in my age group then.
No. 396968
>>396965But even the ‘good’ ones who don’t have any obvious red flags are often even worse a lot of the time, and are better at covering their tracks.
Also no most men aren’t master manipulators, but most women have low standards and equally low self esteem. Look at all the shit men get away with, millions of times over, all over the world. It’s depressing as fuck. All women are competing for the 1% of moids who aren’t porn addicts/manwhores/degenerates, who actually have their lives and shit together, who aren’t commitment phobes, and who would actually make good husband and father material. No wonder so many women are miserable and disillusioned with dating and marriage.
No. 396984
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What I have found with guys. I’m not asking for advice I just discovered these
>dating guys younger than you is better. For some reason younger guys look up to you more and want to go out of their way to impress you. They’re also more interested in you as a person and getting to know you
>date normies. You may want someone who shares similar weird interests with you but normies are way less misogynistic than quirky or nerdy guys and are more respectful, funny, and less gross. I will only ever be attracted to normies from now on.
No. 396995
>>396990why would being much older than the guy make the relationship inherently unserious? Look at Macron with his wife
The only problem with a much younger husband is that you inevitably get forced into the mommy role and that can get exhausting
No. 397001
>>396984Years ago dating a non normie guy could work out well. Now you're nearly always gonna find that guy will eventually slip up and start repeating incel tier shit mid argument because that's a rabbit hole he went down before he found you. Pops up here all the time too. The sweet geek awkward autism having shy guy geek bf spews incel shit and the gf is floored after he's been hiding that side so long. Are we really surprised by that anymore.
Really don't know how so many anons still have this weirdly romanticized view of awkward/geeky/slightly tisty guys as if they're puppy dogs or equals. Even if you are awkward/geeky/tisty yourself.. generally doesn't pay off to seek out the same unless you are dating other women.
No. 397146
>>397144Regardless of her actions someone hitting on your bf regularly should be suspicious, definitely investigate if they've had ANY previous or current sexual or romantic relation.
>t.At least 60-80% of the time I've seen women complain about other women hitting on their bf it's almost always revealed he was leading her on first
No. 397238
>>397201This is why people should wait until marriage. That way, you can get the virgin you want without the likelihood of breaking up and no longer having your virginity to get another virgin.
Sorry, but any worthwhile (not incel) virgin moid wants, not unjustly, a virgin girl. If being with a virgin is so important, you should have waited until marriage, so you're only reaping what you sowed.
No. 397242
>>397241>she'd rather marry a manslutYou do you, I'll do me, okay?
Anyways, if he doesn't want to wait until marriage, if he would rather be a slut, he's perfectly able to break up (without having sex with me).
No. 397253
>>397252Enjoy your naive choice
nonnie. Come back updating us in some time! Good luck
No. 397268
>>397231I wouldn’t mind dating a virgin moid who is 18-23.
But imo virgin men over 25 are always horribly
toxic. Most of them are porn addicts with insanely high standards and haven’t had sex yet, simply because 10/10 18 year old Stacy with giant boobies and a perfect ass hasn’t come banging down their door yet.
Unironically manwhores are less picky and much more comfortable with how real life womens bodies are irl and know how to please better. Even if you find a virgin unicorn bf over 23, chances are he’s a chronic porn user who hates women.
No. 397270
>>397261Not true at all, a lot of men love the idea of having a nice little loyal wife that they can cheat on with women on the side. They love the safety of marital life and having a woman constantly cleaning up their messes, while eating their cake on the side too.
Honestly at this point I think the only winning move in dating scrotes is a) not to play at all and become comfortable with being alone or platonic type male company or b) cheat and have backup guys yourself before he can cheat on you (his porn use counts as cheating btw).
Men are not trustworthy in the least nowadays, and believe me, if men had as many dating options at their disposal as us women do, they would ALL have side chicks and cheat too. The only thing that stops men cheating 99% of the time is opportunity and lack of available women.
Porn makes men think sex is easily accessible and readily available, which is why they like it as it appeals to their moid centric world fantasies. But the truth is it’s actually pretty difficult for the average guy to get laid and it’s even more rare for women to put out for just any dude, unless she’s an extremely promiscuous woman (rare) or unless he’s not picky at all and willing to sleep with horny + desperate unattractive women.
No. 397283
>>397097>BPD guy>untreatedMale bpd is bpd on fucking steroids. I wouldn't have any type of intimate relationship with one. Especially not some power play dynamic no matter how harmless n subby he claims to be.
Studies on male vs female bpd always tip toe around how oh it's basically the same in presentation and then comes the delicately put
>Males with BPD were more likely to present externalizing symptoms That's just DV and physically/aggressivley lashing out at others. Women who date them end up sadly bragging about how theirs goes into blinding rages but manages to punch holes in the wall and not in her so far. That's where the bar set at when getting close to them. Everything short of actually punching women is a grand accomplishment for the poor bpd men. If he stays untreated and expects to get with women in the meantime then that alone says alot about how fucked his priorities are. Bpd women don't even deserve to be stuck dealing with the male version of it.
No. 397387
>>397333Cancel it. Often the pressure to go on too many dates too soon kills the sexual tension and anticipation in the getting to know each other stage. Cancel the date, take some space away from him without the pressure, and see how you feel then.
If you start to miss him and regret cancelling, that’s a sign you might be more into him than you thought, so just call him up and arrange another date (guys will always say yes because they’re desperate kek).
If not, and you don’t regret cancelling or feel any kind of attachment to him, then you’ve saved both his time and your own by cancelling the date and he can start to process the fact you’re not into him by creating space between you. It’s a win win situation.
No. 397440
>>397201finding virgin men is super easy obviously. But I will never date a virgin male ever again. It is extremely necessary to see how a man gas treated women in his past, otherwise YOU will be the trial and error. Virgin men absolutely do have hangups and will get uncomfortable about having no sexual experience besides you unless they have unhealthy views about virginity, such as being a non-virgin making one dirty. Im sure there are a number of outliers who are kind of sweet, but as I said: outliers.
Dont date a man unless he has a resume, it is always always way too dangerous to get involved with a virgin man, especially the older they are. Everything men say about women and virginity is a projection, the sexual history of a man is the single most important thing to be able to know about. There's no pressure to follow this advice, but I think its important to understand the differences, risks and red flags when it comes to males virginity. Of course dating a non virgin has way more risks and issues on the direct surface. But at least these issues can be assessed, even if he lies. Virgin males are russian roulette with cery dire odds.
No. 397455
I’ve been talking to a moid from Hinge for about a couple of weeks. We went on a date last Thursday and got dinner - he asked me if I was free and I said yes and we both agreed on a date/time. I really liked that he took initiative and organised it and we went out and I think we really got on well! Our flow wasn’t awkward, we had some interesting conversation, he had a good sense of humor, and he was very polite to both me and the servers. He paid for my food, opened doors for me and waited with me for my train when we finished. After dinner he mentioned taking the train back and I said I would like to keep hanging out with him. Perhaps I might have given off a different intention, because he asked me if I was interesting in doing anything afterwards (insinuating something sexual), and I said I wasn’t looking for that in that moment and I would prefer to know him a bit more first. He was fine with that and asked to kiss me and I agreed (a little kiss).
The only thing glaringly obvious is that his texting responses are EXTREMELY SLOW. As in, like, he will respond to my texts once a day. As a Gen Z texter, I am naturally very impatient and am used to fast and constant texting, which is unfortunately the nature of the relationships I usually have with others, especially those I have had relationships with. I think he genuinely doesn’t use his phone that often, he was hardly using it at all during the date and I didn’t see him text anyone else.
Basically, I’m trying to work out if this extremely inconsistent texting is a bad or a good thing. I personally kind of like getting to know him more in person, because I’m used to meeting someone completely online and we have almost a parasocial relationship completely online. However, I also like a bit more frequent conversation, but I don’t want to freak him out by sounding attached and asking for more frequent texting since he might be busy etc.
Sorry for the blogpost.
No. 397470
>>397455Right now, cherish that he's giving you the space, because he likely can't find an opportunity to physically see you right now and he values in person communication most. Maybe he's busy. My guy is like this, during his free time he's tending to the farm at home or helping take care of family members.
I'm used to the suffocating chase from insecure moids during the beginning stages which leads to them backing down, but then I start chasing that feeling of how he was in the beginning and it starts to annoy him. I've given this opportunity to send my messages and then go do my own thing without letting my world stop, as long as in person there's tons of connection and attention. Does he live in close proximity? Is his job demanding?
No. 397492
>>397455Slow repliers are a dealbreaker to me. I don’t text my partner often, maybe only once or twice a day, and when I do, it’s not like I expect a text wall. An acknowledgment or simple reply is enough, within a couple hours max.
But there’s no excuse for a moid leaving someone on read for a whole day or more, having your phone on you, everyone does nowadays. Unless he has an insanely busy work life, which I doubt in this dudes case, it’s disrespectful and an indicator of being selfish or not caring about others imo.
Even my ADHD ex, who was horrible with time blindness and forgetfulness, and suffered from object impermanence as most ADHD peeps do, would still remember to reply to me at least a couple times during the day. If he could do it then there’s no excuse for someone neurotypical.
Unless like I said he works hectic 14 hour days or some shit as an emergency room doctor. And even then I see doctors texting on their phones all the time during their breaks so still no excuse.
No. 397496
>>397455A guy who likes you and wants to be with you as much as possible would leave no room for doubt. Especially since you met him on a dating app, he should be extra proactive because he knows you're likely talking to other men. He's just keeping you around as an option, he likes you, but not enough to pursue you fully. Like
>>397459 said, he needs to put way more effort to keep you interested. He sounds forgettable.
No. 397507
>>397393>>397488most men are like this but it doesn't mean it's OK
if women don't start standing for themselves hetero relationship will always be rapey
besides them acting like this sexually will extend to other aspects of your life
No. 397551
>>397440>finding virgin men is super easy obviouslyWhere can I find one, then?
>the sexual history of a man is the single most important thing to be able to know aboutYeah. If he has one, he's not for me.
You're right in that most virgin moids are horrible, but non-virgin moids are even more likely to be horrible.
No. 397556
This is for sure more of a me issue than a relationship issue, but I fear it will affect my relationship if I don’t fix my mindset. I’ve met the absolute most perfect guy for me on so many levels. We’ve been seeing each other for almost a month now. He’s been so sweet, he’s being taking me on dates, never pushed for sex when I wasn’t ready and has been respectful and attentive towards me. We were friends in the same group for months before we pursued each other. He’s a nerdy guy, I’ve literally never seen him really flirt with random girls or act like a fuckboy, but I know he’s hooked up with a few of our friends before I ever met him, and that’s where the jealousy begins. I literally become fuming internally with jealousy anytime I perceive a girl is flirting with him or wants to take him from me. I’ve done an “ok” job at hiding the extent of my jealousy because I know it is not rational and very extreme, but he’s aware that I think a lot of other girls flirt with him. I instantly feel disrespected and angry if anyone accidentally says something “off” that makes me questions his or their intentions, even if it’s just a joke. He literally always opens his snapchat and texts in front of me when we’re hanging out (by choice, I’ve never asked) and I can see that he’s talking to literally no other girl but me. I want to be able to process this relationship normally but the thought of losing him or having it go wrong makes me want to control everything and fight every girl away even though I can reasonably understand he’s the only boy I’ve ever dated that probably won’t fuck me over. I’ve also NEVER had a jealousy problem with any of my exes so this is really really weird to me. I know that I’m beautiful, I know that he likes me a lot and is taking things seriously. I still feel like shit. How do I not ruin things and feel better about managing these feelings?
No. 397559
>>397558Partly from hearing other women, such as
>>397556 above. It would be impossible to have a "jealousy problem" with a virgin.
Partly being derived
a priori. If I don't believe in sex before marriage, he shouldn't either. If he has "pumped and dumped" other women, he is just as likely to do it to me.
Just to be clear, I'm not saying virgin moids are likely to be good. I'm only saying non-virgin moids are more likely to be worse.
No. 397606
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nonnies… I recently dated this guy for two months. I had no expectations going into it but fell for him hard. our chemistry was off the charts. we had the same interests & long-term goals. the communication and sex were amazing. recently he told me that he's having a serious health crisis, and won't be able to handle the effort a relationship requires for now. we've been texting and talking about possibly continuing a relationship later as we both think this was something special.
I'm doing my best to give him all the space he needs while still remaining supportive. after all, he's the one this situation hurts the most. I really worry for him. at the same time though I'm heartbroken. I wish he would text me more and I wish he'd still show the same tenderness he did a month ago. and ik it's probably selfish for me to wish this, when he's struggling to manage his life and not have his neurological condition flaring up all the time.
all in all I'm finding this really hard to manage. I think about him all the time. what would you nonnies do in this situation?
No. 397620
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Honestly I’m gonna just keep dating younger men until I’m 80. There will always be a steady supply of them, so who cares.
No. 397756
>>397710i think i'm just fucked because i also agree with
>>397733any man i find cute or attractive is already taken
No. 397798
>>397622ayrt, he has malformations in his brain that cause him to get seizures all the time if his stress levels get too high. this spring has really been tough for him, due to having so much going on. he has to completely restructure his life, like he genuinely needs to now change his job and find a cheaper apt etc and focus on his own wellbeing above all. he said once he gets those things done he might already feel better and have the capacity for a romantic relationship again.
>>397609>>397618>>397614I hear ya, but considering the medical circumstances explained above I really think it is the case that it's legitimately just the health stuff. he knows I'm the kind of person who he can always be brutally honest with, and just to be sure I've asked him several times whether that really is the truth of the matter, and he's always said yes, this is only about his health.
I don't wanna date other guys, I wasn't even looking for anything romantic in general when I met him. no interest in having a scrote around if it's not him. I've been focusing on myself since we 'went on a break' and I do a good job at it but I feel hollow and depressed and everything has lost its point. the uncertainty fucks me up. I think I'll give him an ultimatum, either he step up and at least text me regularly or I'm cutting contact altogether.
No. 397857
>>397751You're crying over a guy you've met twice. Let that sink in. If you had a friend who was in tears over a guy they met twice.. what would your honest reaction be from an outside perspective? Sometimes it helps to try and view it that way.
>he's like a dream come true >sounds like a positive sign he's in it for the long termYou've met two times
No. 397887
>>397703Most 30-40 year old men I’ve spoken to legitimately had the same personality and sense of humor as a horny teenage moid.
I have no idea why some nonas think older men stop being dickheads, it’s simply not true, and the ones who go for younger women are often the biggest manchildren of all
Seriously men never grow up or become better people they’re always stuck in a state of arrested development and toilet humor until they’re in their damn grave.
No. 397890
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>>397697It’s always a monkeys paw deal with moids, if it seems too good to be true it always is.
Weirdly, the type of men who I find most appealing and have dated (men who are polite, sweet from the get go, seem empathetic etc) have often turned out to have the most horrible shady secrets and flakiest most sneaky personalities of all. It’s so damn weird.
And often guys that I reject and write off as rude, grouchy or mean turned out to be incredibly kind and there for me when I needed it most. So I have no idea what to think anymore.
Honestly I’m considering ignoring my intuition and just dating a guy who seems like an asshole to me now.
At best he might actually turn out to be a tsundere nice guy. At worst I won’t be sad when I dump him because he was an asshole.
No. 397902
>>397901Wasn’t*
I’m going to be so sad if I ghost him but somehow it seems preferable to making myself vulnerable and risking getting hurt by him.
No. 398032
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Nonnas I need advice. I have been in with my boyfriend for the past 6 years, who I love. We never argue or fight, but recently I've felt disconnected from him and getting annoyed by small things with him. Recently I've developed a friendship with a guy in my college, and I think I'm catching feelings for him. This friendship is relatively recent, but we were acquaintances for a while. I can't stop obsessing over him and keep secretly wishing that he hits on me or asks me out, despite the fact that I let it known I have a boyfriend. I think he may like me too, from his body language and him opening up to me despite us not knowing eachother for a while. I also feel so close with him despite not knowing him for a while.
Is this just a passing crush? This has only happened this week and I can't stop thinking about it. I haven't done any 'cheating', but I have compulsive thoughts of wishing he liked me back / intentionally leading him on. I feel so guilty both towards my boyfriend and to this guy.
How do I deal with this? Am I an emotional cheater? A doomed slut even?
No. 398046
>>398035Might you be wanting your bf to be more assertive and ambitious? Long term relationships become humdrum, people start just doing their own things, the relationship can stagnate. It’s hard to keep the emotional intensity if you’re not purposefully seeking exciting experiences to enjoy together, especially when you don’t fight ever. Personally Idc if you indulge the flirtationship
or cheat for that matter, but at this stage you’re probably just bored. You’re obviously conflicted, even thrilled, very deliciously intense and darkly alluring emotions. If you’re not aware of where these feelings come from, you might start gaslighting yourself about how much you actually like the guy or how much he likes you. Truly think about your dissatisfactions in your relationship, make list of things that can be worked on and things that are hard to change.
No. 398086
>>398077he's real, i meant like pursuing it hypothetically, theoretically, letting it play out in my head and imagining how it would be between us… not making an actual move on him, but indulging my crush… maybe orbiting a bit closer to him, touching his arm just once..
>>398079wow, this actually makes me feel a lot better kek. i guess friends' hot relatives are a fact of life.
No. 398095
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>>398090You reminded me of a comic I saw. In short, be gross in front of him. Fart, belch, don't be intimate with him, and see if that leads to him withdrawing from you. Jokes aside, just be blunt for the last time. I get you feel bad for the person, but who is going to feel bad for you? You're not even giving yourself any comfort, nor are you being kind to yourself for staying in a relationship that you don't want to be in. Since you feel terribly sympathetic towards the other person, then think of it this way: do you want him to date someone that doesn't want to date him or doesn't love him? That's what you're doing to your boyfriend right now, so you better heed my advice and free yourself. Sad feelings are temporary, but this relationship will go on for much longer than that sadness will if you keep at this.
No. 398103
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>>398089cringe yes and yet i can't control the psychosexual fixations i get on people sometimes… it's a problem. he did + said specific things that
trigger my brain into meltdown, total infatuation mode. i've only just recently realised how much i carnally desire this man. there's no hope for me.
No. 398185
>>398090Cringey but I've been on the other end of this and yeah if someone needs to make more than one serious attempt to break up with you.. cold hard bluntness is fully warranted at that point. Break up etiquette or listening to his reaction went out the window when he didn't accept it the first time. You've nothing to feel guilty about here. Say you're done, it's final, nothing will chage your feelings. And don't give him room to say his piece back, he'll only use it to latch back on.
Idk if he's an ass or just going through a pathetic stage but either way keeping in contact is not the way to go afterward
No. 398241
>>398207Nonsensical question. Why even watch porn to get you going, if you’re not turned on why masturbate, you wouldn’t need it if you were actually horny, you’re just indulging in a porn addiction and making up excuses afterwards. Pathetic.
No it’s not cheating.
controversial here but I don’t think it’s cheating when men do it either it’s just pathetic and always makes them worse at sex No. 398326
>>398032I'd give different advice if you were older but it sounds like you started dating your nigel as a teen or in your very early 20's. I am saying the rest following this assumption.
Sure, like other nonnies said, this could you getting bored with the humdrum of a stable relationship. However, I think it could also simply be that he isn't your "type" anymore, and that you have matured. Tastes change, especially in the transition from teen to adult. He could be a great guy, hot, fit, nice, etc. But romance isn't always based on what looks good on paper. I've felt more thrilled in relationships with 4-5's than I did with 7's+. Ask yourself: do you want to marry this guy? Do you prefer stability or romance? Does the thought of spending a lifetime with him sound cool or are there feelings of aversion to that idea? Your answer lies there. Consider taking a "break" in the relationship. You're young. Go experience what's out there. Perhaps I'm the slut but that's what I would do in your shoes.
>>398079KEK
No. 398401
>>398032Imagine you get into a long term relationship with this new guy, eventually the exciting honey moon phase will pass and you'll settle into the "I love you but I'm not IN love (infatuated) anymore" phase and you'll start getting a little annoyed with his flaws just like you are with current boyfriend. He's new and exciting (for the time being) and your boyfriend is not. And that's why I disagree with
>>398326, you'd be sacrificing a healthy, stable relationship for a guy who's only new and exciting for the time being.
No. 398422
>>398412These questions are too broad to be answered precisely. For the first one I'll leave some reasons as to why that is:
>you're mentally ill yourself>'i'll fix him' mentality>meeting moids on 4chan/ibs/discord or any place full of terminally online people>very low self esteem and weak people attract creepsTo stop them from entering your life, ask yourself : was that just bad luck or is there a pattern? Do any of the criterias above fit you? Generally, and I say this to everyone itt : trust your gut. A ton of nonnas posting here asking if something is off with their bf know deep down that there is, or they wouldn't post about it, but they need confirmation because they gaslight themselves constantly. Trust your instincts and your feelings, especially if you see reoccuring behaviors that are not adressed and fixed. There is no way to find a decent guy, just focus on yourself, work to be a better person so you can be confident and firm in your beliefs and know what you want. This will automatically drive a lot of unwanted moids away, because they will know quickly that they can't control you. Don't chase moids, become the magnet.
No. 398429
>>398412a trivial one for me that might or might not work for you: ask about his movie tastes to see if his tastes are
sus. and this sounds dumb and you don't have to, but lightly critique or jokingly insult his favorite tv show to see if he's legitimately gets angry. if he can have a mature discussion without being passive aggressive or mad, he might be fine.
No. 398430
>>398426i ghosted her because this whole dynamic was starting to damage my mental health. i still love her i think. i miss her. i never woke up in the morning before to a "i miss you" message, how did i miss out on this shit for 20 years. but its not happening so i just ghosted. and she hasnt even tried contacting me at all. i hate when youre obsessed with someone but they only reciprocate 1% of that. its
toxic i hope she can understand why i do this. if she even cares
No. 398433
File: 1715855647116.jpg (Spoiler Image,97.37 KB, 1069x548, IMG_20240516_123314.jpg)
>>398432like how am i supposed to interpret this
No. 398435
>>398427Work on yourself. What kind of person do you want to be? What are your core values and beliefs? These questions need time and the effort of introspection to be answered. Those are personal questions so I can't answer them for you. If you are not firmly planted in your own boots, someone could sway you easily. When you know who you are, what you want and what you deserve to have, it's easier to filter out what doesn't fit in your frame. Do you love yourself? How is your self-esteem? If you lack self-esteem, you will let people hurt you, consciously or not, and you will let people that drag you down in your life because you don't protect yourself. If you're the type of person that craves love and attention to fill a hole, you'll bow down to anyone that gives you that. You should be the first person that cares about you and loves you. Try picturing the person you'd like to be in the future (while staying realistic) and focus on that, work towards that goal. It's hard to give more advice since I don't know your age or situation. But don't make the mistake of waiting to meet a good person to fix you or pull you up - it does happen, but more often that not it's the woman that will train the man and not the other way around. We have to be independent because men have been raised for centuries with the lowest standards and won't change if women don't become more picky. Lastly, for the people you should avoid, I'll circle back to my first questions: if you know what you want, you'll know what you don't want in your life. It depends on you. If it's hard to answer that, you can put yourself in the shoes of a female friend or family member: would you like it if that person went out with this type of guy? We often have higher standards for people we love than for ourselves. Generally, avoiding addicts, terminally online, mentally ill guys should be obvious. I liked
>>398429 answer too, smart tip.
No. 398442
File: 1715859074959.jpg (Spoiler Image,35.55 KB, 1079x445, 2.jpg)
>>398438ouch
ok fuck her then
No. 398449
Nonas, I need advice about asking a guy out (specifically, going to a concert with me). Context: I've known him for a while, but only very, very shallowly - we've discussed music and some other stuff, but because our discussions are mostly limited to music and university (which is how I know him), I don't know if he has a girlfriend or anything like that, which is something that's scaring me off asking him to accompany me to the concert. He always messages me first, and I think that's a good sign, but I'm also cautious of reading too much into things.
Additionally, I already know that he's going to the concert, because I sold him the ticket to go to it… I probably should have asked him then but I got scared. One part of me thinks he's not interested at all and would have asked me to go with him when I sold it to him if he was, but it also wasn't clear from when I sold it to him that I also still have a ticket (I was selling one that I'd bought for my ex, the concert was booked a year in advance lmao). The other issue is I really don't want to go to the concert by myself, because it's mostly going to be men in the audience. I'm used to asking people I'm actually friends with to go to concerts with me, but because I'm only really acquaintances with him, I have absolutely no idea what to do. Is it worth asking him? And how can I? I don't want to come on too strong, I'd rather there be some ambiguity than it obviously me being asking him out an a date (even though I do 100% have a crush on him) - I know this is dumb but I'm terrified of rejection and embarrassing myself.
No. 398450
>>398444Be kind to yourself, don't judge yourself too much. Take care of your health, be it physical or mental. Think positively. List things that you like about yourself, qualities that you have or that you'd like to work on. Negative thinking and dwelling on the past is way more harmful than you could imagine, those are bad habits to ditch. Putting yourself down constantly will not get you anywhere, but unfortunately women are socialized to do that. It might seem extremely stupid, but having a mantra and saying words out loud (like saying 'I love myself, I deserve to be loved' to the mirror), or even writing, is also really powerful… it doesn't cost anything to try at least. Treat yourself like you would treat a pet, a younger sibling, someone innocent that you love.
It's not a one day change thing and you have to work on it your whole life, but it get easier once you solidify it. It also just comes with experience and age. There are a ton of videos, books, podcasts on the subject, but like anything, if you set your mind to it, want it, and work for it, you can probably achieve it. I'll leave a video to start.
No. 398629
>>398626This. The truth is that porn has the exact same effect on moids brains as whoreing around, or even drug abuse.
The exact same chemicals are released and his dopamine receptors get fried in the same way.
There’s literally no difference in the brain of a degenerate incel whose been jacking off for 10 years and a degen manwhore whose been whoreing around for the past decade.
Both end up misogynists, both end up with fried dopamine receptors and broken cumbrains, both end up incapable of emotionally and physically bonding with a woman because like all addicts they have brain holes that can never be healed.
If you date a coomer you’re basically entering into a relationship with a ‘recovering’ meth addict, don’t be surprised when he turns out to be completely broken.
No. 398646
>>398639>I think if he had been honest about it upfront and hadn't saved any of the pictures that it could be overlookedIt's not exactly something that
should be overlooked. It still speaks volumes about his character. The fact that he paid for porn and consumed porn is pathetic. I can't imagine some moid being honest and telling his girlfriend "hey I used to pay for onlyfans b-but I don't anymore because I'm past that" and then expecting her to be content and satisfied that she saved him or something. That sounds like a massive cope.
No. 398648
>>398623I’ve been in this situation and my advice is dump him before it goes up in flames: at this point either the lack of trust and resentment will kill your relationship, or his porn addiction and dishonesty will, and it will be so much more unpleasant and make you feel so much more foolish down the line, when you will have wasted even more of your time on this good for nothing dirtbag, and for what? For nothing.
I made the mistake of trying to forgive a bunch of posts I found my bf had made with onlyfans whores pics and videos attached and him admitting to being a coomer (a ‘reformed’ one to me), but it niggled away at me everyday and I became incredibly bitter and angry towards him, to the point it completely dragged our relationship down. I no longer wanted to be intimate with him because it didn’t feel special anymore. His taste in models was also pretty trashy and tacky and I took it as an insult. I flung it in his face during every fight we had and eventually he had the nerve to dump me for being jealous and controlling. He’s still a porn addict, still posting porn. It’s not worth it nona. Save yourself the time and heartache. Men never ever change, they only get worse as time goes on.
No. 398655
>>398623there’s no such thing as a former porn addict. in fact, i think porn addicts are the only moids arrogant enough to claim they’ve been cured.
literally no other group of addicts like alcoholics, drug addicts, gamblers etc ever truly claims to be cured of their addiction.
every single addiction programme and sponsor will explain to you that addiction is a lifelong battle and being cured of it isn’t really a thing, so i have no idea why porn addicted moids like to lie about it so much and pretend they never watch it anymore.
porn isn’t even like heroin or cocaine or something, because porn is far, FAR more easily and quickly accessible than the chore of having to go out and find someone who you can score some coke from or whatever. literally all he has to do is turn his computer or phone on. and if a moid is so far porn addicted that he literally ends up paying for OF and saving porn to his drive, that’s a sign for sure that he’s too far gone and cannot be cured.
No. 398658
>>398654I’ve e-dated for about 10 years now and what I found with every single relationship that started out online is that the moid was hiding something from me.
It went from small things like maybe subtracting 20lbs from their true weight or adding 2 inches to their height to really big dealbreakers like having a criminal record, being a pathological cheater who was talking to multiple other women, or even having a whole ass false identity and fake name or plastic surgery because they were on the run from people.
Online dating has always been my thing as a naturally very introverted person but now i think it’s a terrible idea. There are success stories out there and probably good men who are also just highly introverted, but you have to remember for every successful online relationship that ended up working out irl long term, theres 1000 other failed ones.
For the record I met my e-bfs on multiple different sites and various online games.
No. 398663
>>398422Very good post. I found what was attracting creeps and weirdo moids into my life is that I didn’t have strong enough moral objections to stuff they said which should have been red flags at the time, because I was either weak or dissociating too hard to pick up on it (I had untreated bipolar at the time and would kind of zone out then later be like HOLY FUCK WHY DID I KEEP TALKING TO HIM AFTER HE SAID THAT!!!).
I already had a kind of hard time concentrating on conversations or remembering what was said, but every single mentally ill creepy guy I ended up dating had indeed said things that should have been red flags and ghosting offences there and then. Also, believe men when they tell you what they are if it’s negative. My ex used to say ‘I’m a bad person’ and ‘I’m such an asshole’ a lot. I assumed he was just looking for validation and felt guilt, but it turned out he really was a terrible person and a huge asshole.
Women really need to develop a strong sense of morality and be firm in enforcing it. Lord knows men sure as fuck don’t have morals (or at least have very loose ones that are prone to bending depending on how hard his dick gets) so it’s our job to become moral gatekeepers so we can minimize the amount of damage scrotes do to our lives.
No. 398667
>>398623A moid is throwing mindless money towards parasocial relationships to only benefit himself. Imagine how much money he will blow on other things that aren't designated towards your relationship. Think about how he'll try to find an excuse to not spend a couple extra dollars on something, then look at what he's done before with all those subscriptions.
I was with a moid who'd blow so much money tipping camgirls. Nearly $3k per year wasted for absolutely nothing. Think about how your moid will absolutely let you guys struggle financially for his own desires. Do you want him to continue being yours?
No. 398668
>>398646I disagree. I really admire people who can recognize their flaws and change for the better. I admire honesty as well.
I can totally understand why it would be a dealbreaker for some, but I think as long as he really had changed and was honest about it from the beginning that the situation may have been salvageable
No. 398673
>>398623Men who pay for onlyfans are basically the male equivalent of koreaboos but even worse, nona. They have the same arrested development, childish perspective of aesthetics and entitlement, chasing a ridiculously edited, plastic and unobtainable beauty standards despite usually being below par themselves. Except it’s even worse because these moids are supporting an industry inherently based around rape, pedophilia and reducing women to pieces of meat.
Also the whole OF schtick…even from a purely visual perspective it’s just a hideously tacky corny thing nona. Trust me you want no part in this or anything to do with a man who believes these edited retarded videos of girls with supposed 34G cup tits, 14 inch waists and 40 inch hips in tacky aliexpress harnesses and doing agehao faces in order to fake orgasms for their paypigs are real. He’s a fucking loser manchild buying into a fantasy and always will be. You cannot ever please such an utterly retarded moid who has no grip on reality.
No. 398674
>>398673honestly i think it’s the aesthetics of titty streamers, pink haired twitch girls and of whores that’s almost what offends me the most. i absolutely
despise that aesthetic kek. it’s the ‘hot cheeto girl’ aesthetic of the 2020s and is repulsive, like a fly trap for mentally ill soi manbabies.
No. 398678
>>398674Trash attracts trash. If you need to attract the kind of trashbag moids who pay for OF (incels, coomers, middle aged pay pigs having a midlife crisis, losers in STEM with more money than sense etc) then you have to become a trashbag yourself.
These losers know its all fake edited parasocial nonsense, but they're so hopeless and lost in the coomer sauce that they don't even care anymore. Their lives are so shit.
No. 398711
>>398623Think about after you've had his child, that he's going to go back to paying for onlyfans and fapping to porn because he won't be able to have sex with you for a few months while you're recovering from childbirth.
Who knows, another scenario could be he troons out after you have kids. Think about it, do you really want this for your future children? Do you want a dead bedroom because he can only jerk it to porn?
No. 398713
>>398623A man addicted enough to pay for porn is extremely unlikely to give it up when he gets into a relationship, especially voluntarily. Think of it as a smoker who doesn't stop smoking to save his new partner from having to kiss an ash tray. It's an addiction, rationale is out the door.
If he doesn't use mobile data but is connected with a router and you have access to it, you can check what websites he has visited (if he doesn't browse with a VPN on), google for instructions.
No. 398743
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>>398716he should apologize for being a fat useless autist
No. 398750
>>398623Tbh the fact that there was ever an earlier conversation about him having OF subscriptions.. that was your cue to leave. The whole 'I'll shut it down for you' thing was predictably never gonna happen. Only going to be hidden better.
Then talking kids.. man has a paid addiction to jerking it to other women. Who in their right mind is going to happily sign up for the cost/body changes of having kids with a man who has to both budget in for his porn habit every month and is likely to have that pornsick reaction to any changes your body has from those pregnancies. I don't know how he even fooled you once but to stay now would be insane. Any naivety you might've had around this (naivety that he abused the hell out of till now) is gone. You missed your first gtfo cue, take this one
No. 398751
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I think I just need to vent idk I can't talk about this with anyone irl.
I broke up with my bf of 3 yrs about a month ago. We had some troubles and he was very bothered by his depression and anxiety and it didn't seem to get any better after 3 years and I was starting to feel burnt out by it. We still live together because it's difficult finding a new place but I plan on moving out sometime this summer.
Thing is, he has struggled with his porn usage a little bit, and I've always struggled with partners using porn. It's been to the point where I feel so much shame associated with it myself that I can't hear or see anything related to it at times without feeling sick or panicky. It ebbs and flows and I have good and bad periods. While we were together it has always been a sore spot and I think he quit using it for a good while towards the end of our relationahip, but I think it was also because he was so depressed and he got stressed that I would snoop and bust him so he just laid off of it.
Since I know him I know that he's started watching porn again after the breakup (I know his habits) and it's making me feel so repulsed. We broke up in a good way and we would like to stay friends since there is no bad feelings, but this is really driving a wedge between us from my side of things. I know I have literally nothing to do with this and I shouldn't feel bad about his private life activities, but it's so off putting for me I don't know how to stop feeling like this. It's not like he's bringing girls home and I have to hear him, but just the thought and seeing his laptop with the browser I know he uses for porn just send me in a spiral and I feel disgusting.
No. 398768
>>398751Do you both live together still? I understand you're probably looking to move out and sort out everything, so it's easier to keep the peace between you two, but staying friends after breaking up is usually not recommended for a reason. It doesn't mean that you have to despise him and ghost him forever, but getting some space asap and keeping him out of your life for a while will make things easier. You're still invested in his life, that's normal, but that's not healthy for you to keep worrying about him. I totally understand how you feel about the porn issue. If you explain to a moid that what he's getting off too has a high chance of being footage of rape, abuse, trafficking and/or underage girls, and he still consumes it, he's a lost cause. Good luck going forward nona, you made the right decision.
No. 398929
>>398914I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt based on what you've said about him. It sounds like the antidepressants and possibly other meds he's on are messing with him. Also, is he cut?
>>398926She made it sound like he gets her off, but he's fine with not finishing.
No. 399004
>>398914 Can't fault him for the anorgasmia but
> I think he's going to stop taking the antis though, he says he feels a lot better after meeting me >he's in bad physical shape and has a low staminaWouldn't him being in that bad of shape be pretty counter to his claim that he's doing good now since the gf cure showed up? unless he has a seperate health condition that you didn't mention here.
It's already dodgy to come off meds and attribute it to meeting someone. Puts you in the position of being the thing their mental health is propped up on instead. But it doesn't even sound like he's taking basic care of himself right now. Not for his own sake and not for your sake as his partner. Anorgasmia sucks but I'd be more worried about his assessment of what counts as doing good and most of all the trap of a guy coming off his meds and linking that decision to your presence. It's flattering till it's not..